How to stop being jealous of a girl: detailed instructions.

Jealousy. Everyone has encountered this unpleasant feeling at least once in their life. Rage begins to boil inside, it seems that the whole world is pointing out that the chosen one is not faithful. It is no coincidence that the word chosen is used. After all, most often men are susceptible to this emotion. Since they are owners by nature, they do not want to share the lady of their heart with anyone else.

At the same time, their loyalty is a rather vague concept. Guys are polygamous, so the girl must sit on a leash at home, and he can have fun with everyone. Such judgments must be put aside, since any relationship must be built on trust and responsibility on both sides. However, let's figure out how to stop being jealous of a girl in order to become an ideal partner.

What makes people jealous?i

In order to get rid of jealousy, you need to determine its source. There can only be two options here:

The companion is really not faithful. She flirts with passers-by, allows everyone to touch her at work, and constantly hangs out in clubs without a partner. There is only one way out: send such a lady to three cheerful letters and live in peace. After all, as the classic said, there are a lot of fish in the sea, so you can safely look for the mermaid of your dreams.
Diffidence.

The second option is the most common. This may seem strange: how can complexes be connected to the outside world? However, the connection is direct. The man understands that he does not deserve such a lovely lady, so he tries to keep her in every possible way. Most often it is jealousy. But it’s not surprising that such people can go crazy and chain a girl to a radiator in the basement. Therefore, it is necessary to deal with internal experiences in order not to experience negative emotions.

How to deal with jealousy

If suspicion turns into madness, you urgently need to think about stopping being jealous and screwing yourself up. Try to understand that your beloved is not your property. She has the right to communicate with other people, smile at cute boys when talking, go to the movies and clubs with her friends without you.

If there are no real reasons for suspicion, and jealousy is pathological, the guy needs to do serious work on himself. The following effective measures will help correct the situation:

A frank conversation with your beloved. Talk in a calm environment. Do not blame your loved one and do not make claims. Frankly admit to your partner what you are not happy with in the relationship and what behavior you consider unacceptable. If a girl really loves you, she will definitely listen and try not to provoke suspicion.
Increased self-esteem. Take care of the beauty of your body, develop spiritually. Meet other girls, communicate with them on a friendly wave. When you realize that you are an interesting and self-sufficient person, jealousy will stop following you around.
Give your fears ultimatums. Are you afraid that a girl will meet a man better than you at a club, so you don’t let your beloved go anywhere alone? Make an effort. Let your partner go to a party with her friends. Don't pester her with calls and texts while she's having fun, don't control every step. Cultivate trust in your relationships.
Diversify your dates and your life. Give your beloved surprises, unexpected dates, give the girl compliments. Your partner will be delighted with her chosen one, your self-esteem will rise, and reasons for jealousy will disappear.
Take a break. Find a new interesting hobby or hobby. It could be sports, tourism, travel, even business. A new source of pleasure will take a lot of energy, there will be no time left for paranoia.
Improve the quality of sex. In bed, be affectionate, gentle, diversify sex. A quality intimate life will strengthen the relationship between lovers.

Watch your behavior. Perhaps the girl flirts with other guys and deliberately makes you feel jealous, in retaliation. Do not allow betrayal or provocation on your part.

Taking care of appearance2

The most common source of anxiety is appearance. Imagine, but not only girls are worried about her.

Film "The Vampire Diaries"

Often a guy realizes that he does not match his companion. She has a luxurious figure, he has a big belly. She has a gorgeously made-up face, he has two huge bags under each eye. She has great clothes, he has torn jeans (and really torn ones, and not like in Eljay’s songs).

Due to insecurity about his appearance, a man often experiences jealousy. He simply does not believe that he can keep such a beauty with him.

To get rid of this harmful feeling, you will have to put yourself in order. Running in the morning, going to the gym, eating right, and so on. Once a man realizes that he is attractive, jealousy will immediately disappear. After all, he will know that he deserved such a beauty with his sweat (in the literal sense of the word).

Reasons for jealousy

Before understanding the reasons for increased suspicion, we list common reasons for jealousy. They can be divided into 2 groups:

Justified: obvious flirting of a girl with guys, love correspondence on VKontakte, via SMS, betrayal and other serious offenses.
Unfounded: reasons that a man invents himself, creates in his head with the help of fantasies.

It makes no sense to analyze the real, justified reasons for quarrels and jealousy in detail. If a girl has cheated and is clearly flirting with other men, it is better to break up with her. Surely, she does not have warm, serious feelings for her partner.

Unjustified, fictitious reasons deserve closer attention, since they destroy relationships.

The reason for the fantasies lies in the following:

The man is unsure of himself. He thinks that other guys are better than him in everything, he does not realize that the girl truly loved him.
The guy had a negative experience in the past. Cheating and betrayal by his ex taught the boy not to trust girls in principle.
Strongly developed sense of possessiveness. The guy doesn’t understand that a girl has the right to have a personal life, friends, and communication without his presence.
The need for emotional release The man has accumulated anger and claims against his partner. He pours them out with the help of scandals, quarrels, the reason for which is jealousy.
Afraid of losing respect among friends, colleagues, and family. If a woman finds a more successful man, leaves for him or becomes his mistress, the macho image will collapse.

Unreasonable jealousy poisons the lives of not only women, but also men. This feeling needs to be fought, eradicated as early as possible, so that suspicion does not become a habit.

Psychologist Annetta Orlova talks about the causes of jealousy:

It's all about money3

This is what men often think. They consider themselves breadwinners and therefore MUST earn a lot of green notes. When it seems like there aren't enough of them, problems arise. Complexes appear, which, in turn, develop into negative emotions.

Solving this problem is quite difficult. Since we live in Russia, problems with income often arise. However, it is worth working harder to realize that all this is not in vain.

It's also worth talking to your girlfriend. If she is smart, she will give fairly rational arguments that will reassure you. After all, in fact, most ladies love not for money, but for what is inside (charisma, charm, etc., etc.).

Why are men jealous of women?

In the image and likeness. Men are polygamous. And therefore they subconsciously believe that women are the same. However, studies show that the majority of women are not inclined to cheat. Both by its nature and due to the social foundations that have developed over thousands of years.
Diffidence. All people compare themselves with others. If you think that other men are more beautiful, more successful and luckier, you begin to fear that the girl will prefer them. Indeed, women love successful guys. However, if you are currently inferior in something to others, this does not mean that you need to give up. Determination is another quality that girls value. If you develop, improve and actively move towards your goal, she will definitely appreciate it.
Dissatisfaction with life. Trying to blame your own failures on others, looking for those around you to blame, instead of trying to change yourself. Against this background, a desire arises to assert oneself at the expense of the girl. Show who is stronger, who is the boss of the house. The egoism of the owner, the spirit of competition results in a constant demonstration of the girl’s belonging to the man, like a thing.
Excessive imagination. It is this that forces an insecure man to come up with pessimistic options. And betrayal seems worse than death. It’s night and she’s not there. Think about whether it is worth jeopardizing your relationship for the sake of empty fantasies.

What if you don’t stop being jealous? 5

There is only one outcome - separation. At one certain moment, the lady will not stand it, she will proudly slam the door and rush off into the sunset. She will decide that it is easier for her to be alone. This way no one will terrorize her and she can breathe easy.

Jealousy never leads to a positive outcome. If it is justified - separation, if not justified - the same thing. It sounds sad, but this is the harsh reality.

What is jealousy between a guy and a girl?

In general, feelings of jealousy can arise if you doubt the love or loyalty of your girlfriend
. But usually this happens when the guy is not very confident in himself.

Why is a guy jealous of his girlfriend towards everyone? Psychologists say that jealousy occurs for the following reasons:

The guy develops an inferiority complex, and therefore he is not confident in himself. In this case, self-esteem is low, but the girl’s value, on the contrary, is even overestimated, and often inadequate. Thus, a man feels less attractive when he compares himself with other representatives of the stronger sex who have the opportunity to “make advances” to his woman.
The different social status and financial situation of a guy and a girl can also be the reason why a guy is jealous of a girl. The whole point is that different positions in society initially form different values. So, if a guy is from a wealthy family, then most likely he is used to active recreation, walking or playing sports. But a girl from a poor family may have completely different ideas about relaxation, for example, noisy company, alcohol and discos, where there are a lot of other guys. It is not surprising that her boyfriend - the one from a wealthy family - may not understand or accept such entertainment and communication with many male acquaintances. And if the guy, on the contrary, occupies a lower social status, then this is even worse - in this case the guy is jealous of the girl towards the more successful men from her circle.
Subconscious fear or a completely conscious fear of losing your girlfriend or being left alone. But this feeling, as a rule, arises if the guy has very little experience communicating with the opposite sex. Usually it is limited to two or three girls, and therefore thoughts arise that finding a new one will be problematic. But in reality there is nothing to be afraid of here - that’s why the pickup truck exists. He proves that if you improve your communication skills with the opposite sex, then parting with one is only a great opportunity to meet another. And therefore there is no point in being jealous. If you decide to end this relationship for yourself, don’t delay, but choose the most appropriate way to break up with a girl without offending her or soften it as much as possible.

Why is jealousy dangerous for your relationship?

As many psychologists say, jealousy is a consequence of people’s hypertrophied sense of ownership and selfishness. If you do not get rid of it and the accompanying negative character traits, a man risks not building strong and long-term relationships with any woman.

Are you a jealous person?

Not really

The motivation for fighting jealousy will be the consequences that it hides underneath, namely:

sooner or later the girl will get tired of relationships with undeserved suspicions and reproaches, total control and lack of freedom;
jealousy leads to a loss of respect on both sides, and the girl will consider her partner to be insecure and unbalanced, prone to tyranny;
sooner or later, suspicions of treason will push her to this action, and this already entails a complete break in the relationship;
scandals based on jealousy in the presence of children form complexes and a similar pattern of behavior in their fragile psyches.

Expert opinion

Helen Goldman

Male stylist-image maker

In any relationship, the key to the happiness of both partners is their freedom and personal space. Jealousy does not allow a man to trust his girlfriend, distorting her image in his eyes.

Jealous men tend to restrict their woman's freedom so much that they start spying on her phone, social media, the places she goes, and even her friends. Further in the relationship there will be more and more reproaches, undeserved accusations and scandals. Sooner or later, the girl will get tired of being considered not who she really is, and decide to leave.

How to stop being jealous of your ex-girlfriend?

The relationship did not work out, you broke up, but at the same time you cannot completely forget and stop being jealous of the girl who has already become an ex, part of the past for you. What will help in this situation? First you need to understand yourself, why are you living in the past, what clues remain for you in this past life? Perhaps you have a glimmer of hope to restore your past relationship. Then your jealousy will have constant fuel, because there has been no emotional breakup, you are still thinking about the girl, about the relationships you have lived, how her life is going now, with whom and where she is. No matter who initiated the separation, no matter under what circumstances the breakup occurred, you should end this situation, this gestalt, as gestalt therapists call it. It is necessary to live out past relationships, to respond fully to your emotions, which are often contradictory, complex, and tearing you apart. The most difficult thing is that if these emotions are not realized, not accepted by you, then like a saboteur, they will unconsciously undermine your psychological well-being, including a complex of psychological defenses and increasingly moving you away from accepting yourself and enjoying life.

You must learn that any separation situation is emotionally close to the experience of grief and goes through the stages of this experience. Grant that you have invested a lot in past relationships, had certain expectations, shared joyful moments - and now it is absolutely natural to experience a contrasting state of disappointment. But it is worth remembering that it does not last forever; on the contrary, the more naturally you behave now, letting go of your emotions, the sooner you will be able to forget the past, returning to an active life. Thank your ex-girlfriend for all the good things that happened between you, and internally let her build a life separately from you, and you - your own. The best way you can do this is by contacting a psychologist who specializes in grief, even if your grief is small, not commensurate with the loss of a loved one or major life upheavals.