Scientists talk about why people kiss: and it’s not just a manifestation of feelings

Remember your first kiss. This moment will be forever etched in your memory. However, there is an opinion that all this hype around the first kiss is not worth the real excitement. It is likely that you are one of the lucky ones who experienced a real fireworks display of emotions. However, most often a kiss comes down to a simple exchange of saliva and microbes.

However, even if your first kiss was not the happiest moment, you are unlikely to refuse the pleasure of experiencing it again. Have you ever wondered why people do this? Unlike cats, dogs and other animals, humans resort to closer contact. So why do people kiss? Where did this strange habit come from?

Feeding

Kissing has long been thought to be a "culturally developed pattern of the Western world," according to Comparing Behavior: Human Studies, Animal Studies. In 1915, two researchers observed a chimpanzee feeding its infant by passing lightly chewed food from mouth to mouth. Remember new mothers who introduce the first complementary foods to their child - many behave in exactly the same way.

Thus, the first theory was identified, according to which kisses used to be a way of feeding a child. More broadly, mothering behavior often transforms everyday rituals into a pattern that is used to express affection.

How important is kissing ability?

Oxford scientists decided to find out how important it is for people that their other half is a master kisser. To do this, 724 subjects were given 4 questionnaires from a dating site. In the first two, the candidates wrote that they were great kissers. The other two admitted they weren't particularly good at it. The experiment was supposed to show how important kissing ability is when assessing a potential partner.

After some time, the researchers asked who the subjects would go on a date with. The results were as expected:

1. Most of the test subjects said they were interested in the candidate who was a good kisser.
2. Questionnaires from people who supposedly did not know how to kiss were often ignored, explaining that inept caresses created awkwardness or even disgust.
3. For women, a man's ability to kiss is more important than for men - a woman's. Perhaps this is due to the fact that it is more difficult for girls to open up sexually and need high-quality foreplay to achieve orgasm.

In the article “What does a woman want in bed?” reveals in detail how to bring your beloved to ecstasy!

First kiss

The science that studies kissing is called philematology. Rafael Vladarsky, a behavioral scientist at the University of Oxford, has suggested that kissing is a relatively new way of expressing feelings and affection. However, his colleagues found evidence that people kissed much earlier, around 3,500 years ago. According to the publication, Hindu Vedic Sanskrit texts describe kissing as "breathing the soul into each other."

About 500 years later, the Sanskrit epic Mahabharata also described word-of-mouth behavior. By the way, the word “kiss” is of Indian origin. Therefore, we can assume that people kissed for the first time in this South Asian country.

Why do people close their eyes when kissing?

When kissing, you want to involuntarily close your eyes. According to surveys, almost 70% of kissers prefer not to look at their loved one during such an important process.

Psychologists believe that there are several reasons for this habit:

• Increased tactile sensations . Any physiologist knows that when any of the sense organs is “switched off,” the others become somewhat aggravated. If you close your eyes, the pleasure from tactile contact becomes stronger;
• Desire to relax . When the amount of external stimuli decreases, a person’s muscles relax better. If the brain stops processing visual information, it gives a command to the body to adjust to rest. In addition, kissing acts as a prelude to sex, so the desire to close your eyes is completely justified by the internal desire to relax faster in anticipation of pleasure;
• Turning on the imagination . When a loved one is very close, his features are distorted and often seem less pleasant. Therefore, many prefer to imagine his usual image, which is imprinted in memory.

However, you shouldn’t think that people who kiss with their eyes open don’t want to relax and intensify the pleasant sensations. They are simply more straightforward and rational in nature. It is more important for them to have control over the situation and see their partner’s reaction.

In that video, Boris Vaserman will tell you why people kiss and how a kiss affects human health:

Kissing Roman style

Researchers believe that after kissing began to spread in India, historical events brought the tradition to other countries. Thus, thanks to Alexander the Great and his powerful army, the kissing ritual spread almost throughout the world. They especially loved to kiss in Rome. Residents of the Italian capital kissed their children, relatives, lovers, friends and rulers. They distinguished among themselves kisses on the hand, cheek or lips. Moreover, the latter differed from a simple smacking to a passionate kiss.

By the way, it was Rome that became the birthplace of the symbolic first kiss on a wedding day. However, by the fall of the empire, kissing as a romantic gesture had almost completely disappeared. Only a thousand years later, Romeo and Juliet brought romance back into the relationship between a man and a woman.

From the history of kisses

The oldest mentions of love kisses - including, as we would now say, “French” ones - can be found in Sumerian and ancient Egyptian poetry. The ancient Greek historian Xenophon, in his biographies of the Persian king Cyrus, mentions the Persian custom of kissing on the lips when saying goodbye. Herodotus cited different types of Persian greetings, depending on the status of the kissers: equals kissed on the lips, and if one was higher in position, on the cheek. In the ancient Indian Mahabharata, there is a fraternal kiss (“on the head”), with which the sons of King Pandu greet each other.

“Greeted warmly by the three (brothers) - Arjuna and both twins, kiss them on the head and talk to them kindly, O king!”

Mahabharata Book Five. Udyogaparva, or the Book of Effort"

Also in the epic you can find a description of a romantic kiss between lovers. The technical side of the issue is discussed in the Kama Sutra, which highlights different types and methods of this action (section “On love union”). The ancient treatise rather presciently notes: what the kiss will be like depends on the desires of the partners and local cultural attitudes.

They kiss on the forehead, cheeks, lips, curls, breasts, nipples, the inside of the mouth. Residents of Lata also have it in their armpits, lower abdomen, and at the junction of the thighs.

“Due to attraction and local customs, there are kisses in certain places, but they should not be used by everyone.”

Vatsyayana Mallanaga "Kamasutra"

Biblical characters also exchange kisses in various social situations. The most ardent of them is in Solomon's Song of Songs, which begins with the Shulamite exclaiming: “O let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your caresses are better than wine!” And the most bad reputation is that of the New Testament kiss of Judas, with the help of which he pointed the guards to the Savior. The Romans identified several types of kisses, which had both love-romantic and status significance. A kiss on the hand or cheek was called osculum, a kiss on the lips was called basium, and a kiss of passion was called suavium.

Although touching the lips of another person is common in different societies and is reflected in the ancient literature of various countries, in some native cultures it was not a common practice and appeared under the influence of Europeans. Examples include the indigenous peoples of Australia, Tahiti, African tribes, Eskimos and Polynesians. Charles Darwin described the Malayan kiss:

“The women squatted down, raising their faces up; our companions bent down to them, touched the bridges of their noses at right angles and began to press. This ceremony lasted a little longer than our usual friendly handshake.”

According to some researchers, even in the West, kissing did not come into use immediately. The growth of their popularity is associated with the Indian campaign of Alexander the Great, who conquered some kingdoms, from where this practice subsequently spread. And this despite the fact that in modern India, for public kissing you can get arrested (under the article of the Criminal Code “On indecent acts in a public place”) or get hit with a stick from local guardians of morality. They consider this behavior to be precisely a consequence of the implantation of Western values. Activists of the local Kiss of Love (“Kiss of Love”) movement are fighting against this state of affairs, who go to rallies and, of course, kiss.

By the way, in classical Indian cinema, which is shot for the domestic market, you won’t find outright kissing either - at most, a chaste touch of lips to the forehead. Cinematic lovers can only express their love through dance.

Some authoritative publications in China share a similar opinion about the pernicious influence of the West.

In 1990, Beijing's Workers' Daily wrote that "aggressive Europeans have brought the custom of kissing to China, a vulgar practice that suggests cannibalism."

However, the West has long been quite strict with itself. In 1896, the world community was shocked by the silent film “The Kiss.” On the film, for 18 seconds, a man tries to kiss rather than kisses his flirtatious lady of his heart. However, the film caused a great stir and was condemned by opinion leaders and religious organizations. For a long time after this, such obscene acts did not appear on the screens.

Explicit kissing entered modern popular culture after the repeal of the Hays Code in the late 1960s, which prohibited the display of any liberties. Before this, the stars of classic Hollywood had the right to touch their lips no longer than a couple of seconds, in a “dry” way. Therefore, this is exactly how, in the spirit of the innocent first kiss of children, Scarlett and Rhett Butler express their feelings in Gone with the Wind - or what is happening is simply obscured from the viewer, as in the famous scene at the foot of the stairs.

snuff kiss

Not all kissing involves direct mouth-to-mouth contact. For example, its earlier forms were associated more with the sense of smell than with lip movements. By the early 1900s, light touching of the tips of noses was widespread throughout India. So-called sniffing kisses still exist today.

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This type of manifestation of tenderness is typical for close family relationships. This is how mothers, fathers and other close relatives love to show their affection when they rub their noses on the baby’s face.

On your cheek

The simplest touch with the lips is an innocent kiss on the cheek. It is usually used as a greeting to a close friend, various acquaintances, relatives, as well as people belonging to the same social circle. In this case, a small peck on the cheek does not have a deep meaning and is equivalent to a handshake.

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In some countries of the world, there is a tradition of greeting business partners by kissing first on the right and then on the left. This action shows respect as well as appreciation.

But sometimes such a kiss carries a deeper meaning. Often it means sympathy and carries a secret message about the desire to be closer. A kiss on the cheek can be called a prelude to a nascent new relationship, when a person in love is not yet able to decide on something significant.

They say that when they kiss the right cheek, they secretly love, and they respect the left cheek.

Learned or instinctive behavior?

Despite the amount of fascinating research that has been done on kissing, it is still unknown whether this display of affection is a natural or learned behavior. The theory of kiss feeding (where a mother feeds her young from her mouth) points to signs that they are a learned behavior. On the other hand, the fact that most mammals kiss, or at least do something similar, suggests that this behavior is inherent at the level of instincts.

In addition, it is known that some tribes living in Brazil have no desire to kiss at all. This is considered rude practice. William Jankowiak, a professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, published a study that found that kissing does not seem to be an instinctive behavior. Most likely, this is the influence of the West, which is passed on from generation to generation.

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Where and how to touch a girl? Butt, breasts or right there?

Every girl, consciously or not, demarcates for herself the zones where a guy can touch her at a certain stage of the relationship, and where he cannot. Much here depends not so much on preferences, but on the real worldview. Start with more accessible areas: arms, shoulders, back, palms

. Everyone will like this, and all girls allow you to touch themselves in these areas only if you are not unpleasant to her to the point of nausea. If you are sitting in a cafe, try to see her earrings. If you succeed, then know that everything is fine with you and your sympathy is guaranteed. Remember, if a girl lets you touch her hair, then she definitely likes you. This is the law!

Guessing when it's time to move on to more explicit caresses, for example, on the lower abdomen or chest, is quite difficult, if not impossible. So just don’t be shy. Practice “random” touches, which will then turn into special and clearly noticeable ones. A girl won't send you away immediately after you accidentally touched her breasts or butt, but only if it really looks like an accident. Still, it’s better to start from the shoulder. Try to casually touch the upper part of your arm and watch the reaction.

There are also particularly sensitive areas that are typical for every girl. Touching them gives a special pleasure, and this should be used. Usually these are the most commonplace breasts, butt and lower abdomen, but there are exceptions, more on that below.

Let's look at the main parts of a girl's body that you need to learn to touch correctly:

• back;

• back of the head;

• inner thighs;

• breast;

• butt;

• inner thighs;

• ears.

Don't overdo it with your ears. There is no need to rub them like a washcloth, just a few light touches are enough and move on to other areas, to the back of the head, lightly pulling the hair if her hairstyle allows it. You can even give your scalp a little massage. It's quite relaxing. The lower back and inner thighs are areas that are especially sensitive to touch. The skin here is very delicate, and therefore needs to be treated accordingly. Slowly move your fingertips up and down.

Hi, friend! Especially for you, I have prepared a course “Schoolboy. Basics of Pickup" for only 490 rubles! Follow the link and order -> The breast is generally a serious erogenous zone to which you may not be allowed. Here caresses should be not only gentle, but also passionate; it is extremely important to touch the girl’s breasts correctly. The entire palm is involved. Squeeze and release your nipples. True, it’s not really worth doing this. In general, I wrote earlier about how to excite a woman. I also recommend spending a lot of time on your breasts.

What can love do?

Kissing is often perceived as a sign of tender and passionate feelings, but in reality it has nothing to do with romance. Scientists recognize that people who are attracted to each other are driven to kiss because it is common behavior. There are also platonic forms of kissing. On the cheek, for example. Such kisses have nothing to do with romance and love, but they are due to the attraction factor.

Why do people kiss?

Many people respond to this question by saying something like, “It just feels good.” Indeed, this is the most obvious answer. But still, psychologists more fully reveal the essence of such an important action:

1. Showing love and affection . This is probably why our ancestors formed such a pleasant ritual. When we allow a person as close to us as possible and touch him with one of our sensitive places, we express special trust. Moreover, not only lovers express their sincere feelings this way. When parents kiss their children, it is as if they are saying that close people are nearby and they are cared for and safe. The child feels this even when he does not yet understand the parents’ speech. He becomes calmer and less afraid of the world around him;
2. Increased self-esteem . When a person expresses trust and love with a kiss, he realizes his importance and attractiveness;
3. Compatibility check . When you don’t particularly like the first kiss, a person immediately has doubts about the correct choice of a partner. Several points are assessed here: passion, self-confidence, etc.

What does intimate relationships have to do with it?

Some scientists believe that kissing is directly related to intimate life. In fact, it is thanks to them that excitement occurs. However, it is not. A 2013 study disproved the theory that kissing is some kind of foreplay before lovemaking. Experience has shown that the experiment participants, especially women, believed that kissing was the most important in a long-term relationship. In fact, the longer people are together, the more importance they attach to kisses rather than intimacy, which does not always happen after gentle touching with lips.

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romantic love

Some kisses are rooted in romantic love

You know how high you feel when you start new relationships with new partners and spend time making love with them? This is the effect of dopamine, which affects your brain.

If you can maintain a steady pace of kissing after that first spark, you can continue to reap the benefits of those happy hormones.

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Help you choose a partner

A 2013 study found that kissing can help you decide on a partner. In fact, first impressions often play a fundamental role. Likewise, a kiss helps to choose a potential spouse. A previous study found that 59% of men and 66% of women stopped being interested in a person after their first kiss. As they say, you either have goosebumps or you don't. This means that the first kiss plays a decisive role.

The meaning of kisses for women and men

According to famous psychologist Gordon Gallup, the information a person receives during a kiss has a significant impact on the further development of a romantic relationship.

For women, such tender expressions of feelings are necessary to analyze the shortcomings and advantages of a man. Thanks to the kiss, the young lady subconsciously convinces herself that the guy wants a relationship with her and is ready to remain faithful. During these caresses, girls pay close attention to their partner’s breathing, as well as to the taste of his mouth. If a man does not pass this “suitability test,” he should not count on an intimate relationship and the development of a relationship with a lady, since separation is inevitable.

For men, the meaning of a kiss is not so important. Mostly young people view these caresses as:

• exchange of hormonal information;
• a kind of role-playing game that will lead to sex.

Guys don't really care how their partner kisses. For them, the main thing is that the foreplay ends in intimacy. After the wedding, young people lose the desire to kiss their spouse, because the “fortress” has already been conquered, and sex is available 24 hours a day. Women's interest does not fade, so conflicts often occur in couples on this basis.

A kiss transmits testosterone

Although there is more to kissing than just tenderness, passion, and a small amount of saliva, there is speculation that it can transmit testosterone. The study found that men prefer sloppy kisses with relaxed lips and mouth muscles. Scientists even have the opinion that in this way the man is trying to transfer part of his hormone to the woman in order to arouse desire in her.

To the head

According to psychologists, kissing the head is common in couples where the man is much older than the woman. This gesture shows the patronage of a mature man, the desire to give his half a feeling of peace, care, tranquility, and stability. Such a kiss does not have a sexual connotation.

In the hair

By kissing the hair, a man shows his tenderness, as well as gratitude for the fact that the lady of his heart is nearby.

To the top of my head

This gesture demonstrates that the man cares about the woman, and also wants in every possible way to protect his beloved from adversity.

To the temple

This type of kiss is used as a “soothing” kiss. Shows that the girl is under male protection from the whole world.

What's in a kiss?

In addition to feelings and emotions, a kiss can convey something more to both partners. When two people kiss, a rich and complex exchange of information occurs, including chemical, tactile and postural signals. Remarkably, this can activate mechanisms that prevent reproduction among genetically incompatible people. Kissing can change levels of the hormone oxytocin. If you gently touch your lips to each other for 15 minutes, you can reduce the level of the hormone cortisol, which harms our body.

Finding a partner with a kiss

Today, the most widely accepted theory about kissing is that people engage in it because it helps them seek out a quality partner. When the faces of kissers are close to each other, their pheromones “talk” - they exchange biological information about whether two people can create good offspring.

For example, women subconsciously prefer the smell of men whose genes for certain immune system proteins are different from their own. This type of match can produce offspring with stronger immune systems and better chances of survival.

How to kiss for the first time?

The first kiss is a special and important moment in the life of a girl or guy. It is this that will remain in memory; it is this that cannot be repeated or changed. How to kiss for the first time if:

1. You are a guy. The main task is to choose the right moment. If you try too early, you can scare the lady of your heart. However, a long delay can cause a similar effect. As soon as the girl begins to give signs, hold her gaze on her lips for a long time, look into her eyes, you can act.
2. You are a girl. The female wait-and-see attitude is more beneficial for those who have no practical knowledge of kissing. You need to show the guy your readiness for the process. If he does not dare, then it is not forbidden to take the initiative into his own hands.

Advice for young men on how to behave on a date

In order for things to come to a kiss, you need to prove yourself on a date, namely:

1. You need to prepare for a date. A neat appearance, neat clothes, and unobtrusive perfume will create a pleasant impression at first sight.
2. Place. It is better to choose a location based on your own preferences. In summer it’s good to just walk through the park or sit on the open veranda. In winter you can go to the cinema or anti-cafe.
3. In progress. You should not swear, talk very loudly, or smoke. You should behave politely and calmly. It is not forbidden to use a good sense of humor.
4. After the date. Regardless of how the evening goes, you need to thank the girl. If the outcome is favorable, you can immediately discuss the next meeting.

How to kiss a girl?

In relation to the fair sex, it is better to act boldly and decisively.
However, excessive zeal can cause resentment or aggression in the lady of the heart. You should not persuade her to kiss if she is not ready or does not want to. How to kiss a girl correctly:

1. You shouldn't do this in public. A quiet square, an uncrowded cafe or the last rows of a cinema will do. Extra eyes do not increase self-confidence.
2. It's better to scout out the situation. A light touch on the cheek, neck or hair will help you understand your lover’s readiness. If she doesn't pull away, then you can act.
3. Be gentle. You don’t need to turn on the passionate macho right away; a gentle kiss will do for the first time. In the process, it is better to observe how the girl reacts.

What not to do

In the science of kissing, there is also a section of mistakes that it is advisable to avoid. Here is an example of the most common:

• “Fixed tongue” - when your tongue is in your partner’s mouth, try to move it easily and naturally :) If your tongue is clumsy and inactive, then this will not be very pleasant for the girl.
• “Windmill” - moving your tongue so that the girl can barely keep up with you is also a bad idea. Slow down.
• “Wet kiss” - a lot has been said about this, because girls are categorically against wet kisses, after which you even need to wipe your cheeks. Keep an eye on this, sometimes it’s enough just to interrupt periodically.
• “Macho kiss” - don’t try to stick your tongue as deep as possible, otherwise the girl may suffocate. But you shouldn’t suck on her tongue and lips so much that the chosen one feels like she’s all been sucked somewhere.
• “Vampire’s Kiss” – hickeys on the neck can look sexy, but only if they don’t look like bruises and monstrous bruises. Spare your girlfriend.

Tenderness, delicacy and attention are the principles that will help make a kiss truly unforgettable.

Important! The pace of kissing varies. Attentive and loving partners adapt to each other. But if, when kissing your first partner, you feel that you are not having time or, on the contrary, that you are in a hurry, then perhaps your temperaments do not match.

Inconvenient questions

If while reading you have questions like: “where should you put your tongue when kissing?” or “what to do if your nose is in the way?”, or maybe “how to breathe while kissing?” and even “is there a detailed diagram?” then keep the answers:

1. During a kiss, the tongue actively participates in it, caressing the tongue, palate and lips of the partner. To make it more enjoyable, relax your tongue and don’t move it too quickly.
2. To keep your nose out of the way, tilt your head, this is what all lovers have done since ancient times, and they feel great.
3. You need to breathe completely calmly, without holding your breath, but as you do in everyday life.
4. A common kissing pattern: open your mouth slightly, clasp your partner’s lip, insert your tongue into your mouth towards her tongue, move your tongue around her tongue.

One last piece of advice: don’t try to sound more experienced than you are. The girl will immediately understand what's what, and the date may be the last. It’s better to be touchingly worried, because your chosen one will most likely attribute it to great feelings for her.

How to kiss a guy?

Most men take the first step on their own. All that is required from a girl is patience and openness. There are a number of secrets that will bring this moment closer:

1. Open face. You should not cover your face with your hands, a scarf, or turn away from the guy. Such behavior will likely be seen as an attempt to distance yourself.
2. Look into the eyes. Making eye contact is the first step to lip contact.
3. Give an answer. During the kiss itself, you should reciprocate the guy's feelings, even if you have never kissed before.