If you are determined to break off your relationship with your spouse, you need to carefully consider how to do this as painlessly as possible for both of you. First, clearly formulate for yourself what reasons are really worth breaking up.
Next, make a plan on how to leave your wife and start a new life beautifully and with dignity, as well as how to behave in the future. From us you will receive recommendations on what mistakes to avoid, as well as valuable advice from experienced psychologists.
Take a candid look at the state of things.
Most likely, you miss your single life.
You remember how cool it used to be to walk and not worry about anything. The thought that youth will return after a divorce pushes you towards it. But let's be honest. With myself.
Admit it, while you are in the family, it seems that if your wife were not around, you would be wooing dozens of young ladies. You would be basking in female attention, and only a fucking ring would stop you.
But is it? It's easy to talk about seduction strategies when watching from the outside. Agree that you have long lost your grip, if you had it at all. And in reality, everything may not be as rosy as it seems. And you already left your wife.
Time will pass, you will try to communicate with women. And you realize that the girls have grown up a long time ago.
And you can’t get them with sweets/flowers, as it was during your youth.
The girls grew up and became smart, cunning and treacherous. They have already been traumatized by other men, and now they are not so gullible.
No matter how hard you try, you can’t just use girls anymore. They grew teeth, tails on their butts beaten by someone, and horns to boot.
If you are so very drawn to others, then it’s better to just try. Allow yourself to go and flirt with women. Try to seduce them, interest them. Remember the game of seduction by taste.
Perhaps you will be satisfied and can again enjoy one beloved wife. Or maybe you will finally understand that you like freedom more.
How to avoid making mistakes with children9
Before leaving her husband, a woman should talk to his relatives. You should not stoop to claims, rudeness and insults. Perhaps, having heard her version of the divorce, the spouse’s relatives will be able to understand her and be on friendly terms with her. It is important to pay attention to children. They may suffer greatly from the fact that their beloved mother and father now live separately.
What you should absolutely not do:
- Ignore the suffering, strange behavior and questions of children.
- Ask heartbreaking questions: who do you love more, dad or mom?
- Taking it out on children, screaming, and even more so, hitting them.
- Pour out your soul to your children, insulting your careless father and spouse.
- Prohibit children from communicating with their father unless the visits pose a physical or moral threat to them.
- Do not manipulate your child by communicating with your ex-spouse.
What to do if you are in doubt?
Situations are different. But it often happens that after a divorce, nothing really changes, except for the woman next to you.
If you are unsure whether to get a divorce, you can give your relationship a trial period.
For example, offer your wife to live separately for a couple of months. You kind of broke up, but not completely. Look at your life without a family and make sure that you are better off this way.
Or, on the contrary, you will begin to get bored and realize that it’s good at home. And you could make a mistake.
Your wife will also look at life without you and will slowly begin to get used to it. If you ultimately decide to leave, the adjustment period will help her accept the breakup more calmly.
If you decide to stay, you can reconsider your marriage and realize what problems you really have. And think about how to remove them.
I am sure that your wife also does not speak of you as an impeccable husband.
By trying to change and become better for each other, you will save the relationship and upgrade it.
Don't get depressed11
Divorce is never painless. No wonder it is called “little death.” Therefore, women often do not dare to take such a step and end up in a miserable state in an unhappy family. There is no need to be afraid of change if it becomes the beginning of a new, rich life. In order not to get bogged down in difficult experiences, a woman must follow the following recommendations:
- Talk to a psychologist, pour out your soul to your family and friends.
- Pay attention to yourself: play sports, update your wardrobe, find an interesting hobby.
- Pay attention to children (it’s not easy for them now either). Go to the park, swimming pool, visit a children's theater or watch a new cartoon.
- If possible, remain on friendly terms with your husband. This will be useful for both if the spouses have children together.
In some cases, being at a distance, a divorced man and woman come to the decision to get back together and start over again, without past mistakes. Or they realize that divorce was the best solution for their situation.
When exactly should you get a divorce?
It's really worth getting a divorce when you both are sure that it's the right thing to do. When you both want to break up and forget about each other.
It may also be that your wife will be shocked by your decision. But you have long ceased to be afraid of losing her and have no doubt that you want a free life. If you are firmly convinced, then her opinion no longer matters.
Then just go ahead and don’t look back.
If you are leaving because of a new young lady, then think about what exactly attracts you to her? And, most importantly, can you get this from your wife?
If this is beauty, a cheerful mood and a burning look, then, believe me, all this can be rekindled in your wife. The right approach, pleasant words and constant work on mistakes in the family will re-ignite your love.
Why do husbands leave their wives?
This is the main question. Many women are left alone with questions after their spouse leaves. They are tormented by them. Husbands are also tormented: “Did I do the right thing?” Much depends on the reason. A man can leave for many reasons:
- Tired
. As sad as it is, in those families where there is a seriously ill child, husbands are the first to fail. Due to psychological characteristics, it is always easier for a person to leave and not see. Instead of living with a problem, spending time and energy on solving it. What if there is no solution? - I found another one
. The husband sees his wife in slippers, with dirty hair, unshaven legs, in a robe, at the stove. The mistress is always well-groomed, affectionate, sexy. Most often younger than the legal spouse. This is a common situation - The husband cheated, the mistress became pregnant
. He is forced to leave his current wife - Tired of it
. This word can mean anything. I'm tired of my wife being demanding. I'm tired of spending the whole summer at the dacha. I'm tired of my restrictions. The list goes on - The spouses are too different
. During the period of falling in love, they did not notice this. Time has shown that people really were “from different worlds.” With different tastes, different priorities, different views - One of the spouses cannot or does not want to have children
. The wife cannot get pregnant, and the husband wants an heir. Or the wife wants children, the husband does not. In order not to deprive the opportunity of motherhood, he leaves the family (so that she can find someone else) - My wife cheated.
Her husband found out about this and cannot forgive her - The spouse is a burden
. The husband provides for the family. The woman sits at home, does not work. At the same time, he still does not do anything useful around the house. Doesn't strive to become a good housewife. My husband is tired of carrying everything on his shoulders - Lack of attention.
The spouse is too passionate about herself, spends a lot of time at work, plays a lot of games. There are many reasons, but the essence is the same - little attention is paid to the husband, he feels superfluous, unnecessary
What is the right way to separate from your wife?
The woman who married you has every right to a calm and peaceful separation. And know why you decided to get a divorce.
Therefore, do it only in person. Leave all notes, messages or silent escapes from home to assholes.
Remember also that the most terrible behavior for a girl will be your hesitant tossing around.
The situation when a man leaves and then returns is the most stressful and painful for a woman.
Girls need certainty. If you decide to leave, then leave forever.
Fear of change
Men are only called representatives of the stronger sex. In fact, in most cases they are afraid of drastic changes in their lives. Therefore, if they find new girlfriends, do not see a future in their relationship with their wife, or simply want freedom, they prefer not to rush to file for divorce. In fact, they have already made their choice and believe that formalizing the relationship in the form of a divorce does not change anything. In addition, indecisive guys always leave themselves a backup option in case something doesn’t work out. You should also be patient or take initiative if you are uncomfortable with uncertainty.
What reaction from your wife should you be prepared for?
Women feel everything subtly and understand the emotions of others. It is likely that she has long suspected something was wrong and noticed changes in your behavior.
In this case, her reaction may be more or less calm. After all, if she still hasn’t raised this topic, it means she’s ready to break up.
In the second case, your decision will be a shock and a blow for her.
Family is the most important thing for a woman. This is what she lives for.
And the understanding that everything that has been done is crumbling greatly hurts any girl. Therefore, be prepared for tears, hysteria, and anger. This is an emotional outburst that will ultimately calm her down. And you can have a normal conversation.
Now you are the one who is ruining her life. And, most likely, divorce for her is not a new life, but the collapse of her entire life.
How to leave your wife painlessly for her
An ideal divorce is one in which both partners want it, but, unfortunately, this rarely happens in life. In practice, it happens that one has fallen out of love and has made a final decision, while the other loves and suffers the pain of the breakup. If the initiator is a man, the question arises of how to leave his wife painlessly for her.
To do this, several points should be taken into account:
- get ready for a storm of emotions, most likely this news will be a blow for her, show patience and loyalty;
- discuss any issues related to your children together, financial assistance, meetings, maintaining close communication;
- discuss the division of property, make sure that her life does not change as much as possible with your departure;
- be sure to identify the honest reasons that pushed you to take such a serious step, but try not to blame her for everything, do not blame her for misconduct;
- promise to lend a helping hand in any of life’s difficulties, express your desire to part ways on a good note without offense or complaints.
Be sure to think ahead about how you will structure this difficult conversation. If you find it difficult to find ways to decide to leave your wife and child, give yourself more time to make a final decision. A consultation with an experienced psychologist or a joint visit with your spouse will help.
How to build a conversation
When you make your final decision, you will need to build the right communication to facilitate an open conversation. The hardest thing is to start, go from afar, remembering how many good things you have experienced together. Be prepared for different reactions, and then follow a few rules:
- When to say? When she is relaxed, balanced and calm.
- Where to speak? Avoid public and crowded places; the fewer witnesses, the better.
- How should the dialogue begin? Indicate that there is a serious conversation ahead. Move to a room that is comfortable for you, for example, to a hall, where there are fewer dangerous objects that she can throw at you.
- What to prepare for? You are leaving at this very moment, so pack your suitcase with the most necessary things in advance.
- What is required of you? Restrain your emotions, no matter what words she throws out, no matter what intonation she reacts with.
Was the breakup with your wife painful for you?
Not really
How to behave
No matter how many years you happen to live together, you can never predict your wife’s reaction to the news that you are leaving her. Usually the female sex reacts expressively and hyper-emotionally; you just need a few rules of behavior:
- even if she insults you, do not allow yourself to do the same;
- during a quarrel, do not mention her relatives;
- do not say that you wanted to leave without explanation;
- do not react to her provocations, show calm;
- do not show pity, hold your position until the end;
- do not put off this conversation until later;
- dot all the “i’s”, do not leave any unsaid things;
- whatever the degree of the showdown, don’t give up.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
Every self-respecting man should leave gracefully. Don’t focus only on everything bad, as if justifying your decision. On the contrary, emphasize how dear this relationship was to you, how happy you were, but for the reason stated, this cannot continue.
What should you do when separating from your wife?
Be sure to speak without witnesses. Choose a suitable time and place. Please note that your conversation may last for several hours.
The most important thing you have to do is convince your wife that everything will be fine .
Convey to her that she will be much better off without a husband who does not want to be her husband. Open up divorce to her as an opportunity to meet a truly loving and ideal man who will make her the happiest person in the world.
Make sure that the divorce does not cause any financial problems or conflicts with children.
You can promise financial support for the first time. The woman will feel much calmer this way.
If you have children, convince your wife that you will take care of them after the divorce.
You will no longer be a married couple, but you will forever remain the parents of your children.
Discuss how much time they will spend with you and how much time they will spend with her. Give guarantees of material and moral support in any situation.
In general, discourage your wife from all fears of a future life without a husband.
“Tell me how he beat? He just held me by the head and kicked me in the face, tearing out my hair."
Elena falls silent and looks out the window for a long time. We are sitting in a sunlit room. On the floor is a patient suitcase that has not been disassembled since September, on the wall is a painting that Elena made herself, on the table are photographs of a woman with children. Without a husband. “Tell me how he beat?” – Elena asks with a bitter smile.
– I remember in 2002 we bought a computer on credit. It was on the birthday of his daughter from his first marriage. The husband got very drunk and caused a scandal. I stood in the kitchen and cooked. As I see it now: I was stirring the goulash in a large frying pan with an iron handle. He came up to me and started beating me. I reached for the frying pan and began to choke. I grabbed the handle and, along with the goulash, hit him in the head. He went wild.
He then beat me like that! He just held me by the head and kicked me in the face, tearing out my hair. Trampled me. He beat me so bad! I was all blue. Again, the question is - why didn’t I leave then?
Elena sighs and moves her hands through her jacket.
“Then he said to me, “Oh, sorry!” - with tears in his eyes. “Forgive me, I'm a fool. How could I do this?!” Lord, what fools we women are! We are led by beautiful words, beautiful gestures, crocodile tears. For the same tears. Well, you can’t believe this, you can’t. Because then your whole life is derailed anyway. Then children appear, children suffer. Nothing good will happen. It's better to tear it up right away. To survive, to get over it, to endure. And start living differently.
Elena does not call her husband by name - only the impersonal “husband.” “Sasha” came out only once, when the woman spoke out and asked not to return to this topic again.
