“My husband stopped paying attention to me!” - a phrase that can be heard in almost every second family. Sometimes a woman in despair says this only to herself, and not to her friends or relatives. Often a lady means by this that her husband has stopped paying attention to her as a woman. And sometimes he perceives such situations too fatally. But the lack of proper attention from a man can not always be considered a lack of love. After all, time passes in your relationship, you yourself change, your life changes. Accordingly, a restructuring of family ties occurs. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. But if your husband, in your opinion, has stopped paying attention to you, do not be sad. Better yet, think about why this happened and how to return your spouse’s attention.
Transform yourself
If a husband does not pay attention to his wife, then the problem should first be looked for not in the man. A woman who does not suffer from low self-esteem and is not an ordinary person will never allow the fire of the flame that rages in a relationship at the stage of the emergence of feelings to go out.
If a woman cannot maintain interest, then she needs to start working on herself. Have you encountered this problem? Look in the mirror, who do you see there? A middle-aged woman with a rather unremarkable appearance? Change the situation. It is impossible to love a gray mouse. A man always wants to see a sultry beauty next to him.
Go to the hairdresser, see a cosmetologist and change your wardrobe. External transformation helps a lady change internally. The girl needs to become more confident. Often, when a husband does not pay attention to his wife, he simply does not notice her. It's easy not to see a colorless shadow, but it's impossible to close your eyes when you look at a beauty.
What to do next?
You tried all the methods, but the cooled feelings did not sparkle with bright colors... How to draw your husband’s attention to yourself in such a situation? Seriously think about whether this is worth doing. A person’s life principles and goals have changed. It’s not a fact that you influenced this and can influence it in the future.
If you no longer see any point in continuing the relationship, then move on to a serious conversation. Remember: don’t push for pity, cry or scream. Calmly discuss your future plans. This conversation can make or break a relationship.
Don't idolize your husband
What is the problem with many women? The fact is that they love their beloved too passionately. They put a man on a pedestal and pray to him as if he were a god. Is this situation familiar? Constant admiration only pleases at first. It's easy to get used to. And after a while, the wife may be surprised that her husband does not pay attention to her person. A woman will wave her arms and cry - she does everything for a man, but he considers her empty space. In such a situation, a girl needs to change her attitude towards her chosen one.
You should not create an idol for yourself. A man, even a beloved one, should not stand above his own interests. If you start a relationship with sacrifice, it will end in tears. You need to understand that from time to time it is worth indulging men’s whims, but this should be done rarely. Then the man will appreciate your sacrifices.
Perhaps the problem is the woman
In the cases described above, the cooling of the spouse is precisely the wife’s fault. Therefore, you should study your own behavior and family relationships in general as objectively as possible. If you discover at least a few episodes where you behaved incorrectly, you will have to take action.
Remember, dear ladies, your husband is a full-fledged, accomplished person who has his own:
They must be perceived adequately and respected. Any man (even one who looks harmless) naturally has leadership abilities. In situations where his wife tries to push him around, a protest arises at the subconscious level. Those who are calm by nature usually do not openly enter into confrontation, but their disagreement is expressed in quiet sabotage.
Stop throwing tantrums
A person must be able to control his emotions. People who fail to do this are doomed to loneliness and misunderstanding. Husband doesn't pay attention? Think, is this his fault? If a girl throws scandals and hysterics at a man every day, after a while the stronger sex will begin to ignore his wife. He will stop reacting sharply to scandals, but at the same time he will stop perceiving his wife as a woman.
Learn to keep your feelings in check. Has there been a domestic conflict? Don't start shouting. Calm down and continue the conversation with a sober mind. When a person is overwhelmed by emotions, he cannot reason. He will only become more irritated and think about how to hit his opponent more painfully. Such people need to change their way of thinking. Otherwise, the person will very soon be left alone.
Who needs it more?
Men and women need attention equally . At the same time, representatives of the stronger sex prefer to be admired or approved of their actions/decisions.
They also want to be heard and feel valued when interacting with people.
Men need their interlocutor to think in global categories and perceive the situation holistically, reacting to important things, without focusing on the little things.
But women are not against being empathized with and even pitied (through the prism of care), reassured and showered with compliments. They tolerate situations less painfully in which their opinion is “pushed” into the background, if at the same time the ladies receive enough admiration and worship.
Also, representatives of the fair half of humanity need people to pay attention to little things when communicating and not to overlook any minor facts, comments and changes in appearance/behavior.
If men love it when others positively evaluate their character, achievements and material successes, then girls love to surprise their interlocutors with their beauty, wisdom, femininity, etc. more.
Don't be jealous
Jealousy has destroyed many happy couples. A girl who does not trust her husband will try to control his every move. This tyrannical method of building relationships will end badly. The man will either leave the family completely, or find a mistress and begin to ignore his wife. Before life turns into hell, a lady who suffers from jealousy should seek help from a family psychologist. A specialist will help you overcome the feeling that is eating you up from the inside.
Raising your self-esteem will help you get rid of jealousy. Girls who don’t love themselves are afraid that their other half doesn’t feel sincere love and is only pretending. And when the husband does not come to spend the night, the lady is confirmed in her arguments and believes that she is unworthy of love, since the chosen one prefers to spend the night not with her. And a woman absolutely can’t be bothered by the fact that a man has a mess at work and he’s left to clear it out.
Increasing self-esteem leads to internal transformation. A confident lady will not be jealous of her chosen one or beat herself up. As a result, a man will be glad to see next to him a strong and confident person who is worthy of attention and love.
Is it worth resorting to conspiracies?
Conspiracies are a rather abstract and dangerous thing, and in the end they will always lead to the opposite effect. Conspiracies belong to dark magic, and the one who makes them or asks to do them, this dark magic will return everything back with interest, forcing him to pay a high price with health, happiness or well-being.
This happens due to the fact that the essence of the person being bewitched is forced. He can and will stay with you and constantly tell you how much he loves you. But he will become unhappy, this will weigh heavily on him.
Crises
You began to notice your husband's cooling. Think about at what stage of the relationship the decline in feelings occurred. Perhaps the crisis in family life is to blame. Depending on the year, such crises occur in the first year of marriage, after 3 years of marriage, after the birth of a child, and after 10-12 years. During this time frame, the family is going through hard times. Partners reconsider their attitude towards each other, think about their place in the world and how they should live further. Cooling off of a partner during this period is quite normal.
What if there is no similarity between years? Crises in family life may occur earlier for some couples. This will be due to illness, sudden death or some kind of disaster. In difficult times, a wife should be close to her chosen one and support him in every possible way. You should not demand the impossible from a man. For example, if a husband’s father has died, the wife should not pester her husband with questions about why he does not pay attention to her. Always put yourself in the person's position and don't do anything stupid.
Psychological reasons
What emotionally connects people in long-term marriages, when there is no love or serious love left, is often called a habit. Well, they say, a man is used to having this woman nearby - and he is too lazy to go somewhere, live alone, look for someone again...
But we all understand that habit alone is not enough - if a person felt bad together with someone, he would leave (and it is much easier for a man to leave: after all, most likely, he will not be left with common children, it is unlikely that he will end up without work and money - he wasn’t on maternity leave, etc.). And behind the “habit” is usually hidden the fact that the husband receives constant emotional service from his wife, even an unloved one.
What is emotional service? We recommend reading here
Especially if his wife still has warm feelings for him. Or she just wants peace and tranquility in the house and is ready to bend over backwards and suffer, just so that the “master” doesn’t shout, get nervous and walk around gloomy. And even with an unrequited woman, the husband may sometimes “break down”, pouring out his anger on her.
Why else don’t husbands leave their unloved wives? Laziness and fear of loneliness are the second component of the “habit”. Many men, especially those who got married a long time ago, understand that after a divorce a crowd of young beauties will obviously not attack them, and in order to have contacts with women, they will have to try a lot (and this is not a fact). And the wife is already here, and without much love sex, conversations, and generally the calming presence of a female person in close proximity are possible with her.
Arrange romantic surprises
Do you want to become closer with your husband? Then don't kill the romance. It must be present in life on a permanent basis. For example, you can cook a delicious dinner for your loved one, place candles around the room and chill the wine in advance. The husband may be surprised to see a beautifully set table. But since the surprise will be pleasant, the man will hurry home next time to find something similar.
You don’t need to please your loved one every day, so that you don’t get tired of romance. You should come up with different ways to warm up feelings. Invite a man to a cafe, go to a movie or to a social event. Take a walk under the moonlight or go on vacation. Take the initiative and demand the same from your man. With mutual efforts, you will be able to revive your former passion and ignite the fire of love.
Positive attitude
The next step is to change your mood. It should proceed according to this principle:
- How to get your husband to pay attention to you? Agree with him or say “yes” at least a little more often! Self-sacrifice for the sake of a loved one is a huge plus! “Yes, I will wear this dress!” or “Yes, let your friends come visit!” Your husband will definitely notice changes in you and will be pleasantly surprised.
- Show initiative, vague spontaneity. Be the first to compliment him, compliment his new tie or hairstyle. Try to surprise him with unusual actions as often as possible so that your partner understands that you are not fully disclosed. Here the treasure hunter's instinct will awaken, and former devotion will be quite successfully restored, as well as interest in relationships.
Eliminate your shortcomings
There are no ideal people in the world. But everyone should try to eliminate their shortcomings. A person who works on himself delights those around him. Do you want to attract a man's attention? Eliminate those shortcomings that irritate him most in your nature. This may be too fast speech, inability to listen to the interlocutor, haste or, conversely, slowness.
Work on yourself. It is difficult not to notice the obvious. Therefore, your husband, who has been waiting an hour for you for 10 years while you get dressed and put on your makeup, will be pleasantly surprised if you get ready quickly. Such changes in a positive direction will arouse a man’s interest. He will think that if his wife changed her habits and began to get ready quickly, maybe she has changed in some other area. A loving husband will become more attentive and caring and will try to rediscover your strengths. And you must live up to his expectations.
When it becomes noticeable
Let us list several factors that will make it obvious that a man has lost interest in you:
The most important sign of a man’s waning interest is the complete or partial absence of intimate life between spouses. He stops paying attention to his wife as a beloved woman. Her hints become indifferent to him, and the man tries to avoid kisses and hugs.
Participation in family life has ceased to be paramount for men. He began to communicate with you less often, plan something for a joint future, and does not ask for advice or help.
A man develops his own interests that are not related to you. This could be some kind of hobby (fishing, hunting, bowling), or just gatherings with friends. Under any pretext, a man tries to spend as little time at home as possible.
The man shows the lack of previous feelings or interest in his wife with aggression and irritability. He begins to criticize his wife even for no apparent reason, argues with her and starts quarrels.
Lack of jealousy (if it existed before) and indifference to your affairs can also be safely considered a loss of interest.
Share your husband's interests
Any representative of the stronger sex is pleased when his interests are valued and respected. But a man is delighted with those ladies who share his interests. Be that special. Is your husband not paying attention to you? Show interest in your husband's hobbies. Then a man will not be able to ignore your person. Learn the basics of the hobby on your own, but don’t bother with advice, just show interest.
Over dinner, you can ask how your husband is going with the project, and thanks to your knowledge, you will be able to ask intelligent questions. Men love calm and reasonable dialogues. They like to have long conversations. Not all women agree to listen to long lectures given by men. If you do not agree to devote time to a man, do not be surprised that he will not pay attention to you either.
How to understand that your husband has fallen out of love? A man who does not pay attention to his wife and does not feel tenderness for her is at the stage of gradual withdrawal. But the situation can still be saved. If you don't like your husband's hobby, find something you both enjoy. Spending time together will help you establish productive communication first, and then bring back your former passion.
Type two: a man from a boy
How does he behave
He does odd jobs, likes to go for walks, or sits on the computer for hours. When asked to wash the dishes after himself, he grimaces as if he had eaten a slice of lemon. When asked to do a simple man's job - hanging a shelf, for example, he finds 1000 excuses, always putting it off "for tomorrow." He will eventually hang it up someday, albeit askew, but how much pride there will be!
This psychotype is often found in young guys raised by a single mother (although there are rare exceptions in two-parent families). Yes, from childhood he was not accustomed to men’s work, because his mother loved him too much, felt sorry for him, and took on all the hard work. He was raised that way, he remained a child. Therefore, usually, when choosing a wife, they choose a second mother.
What to do
Is it possible to re-educate such a person into domestic work? With difficulty, with angelic patience, but it is possible. If this option is your case, then take a closer look at your mother-in-law, how she communicates with her son. Most likely, in their relationship there is no “stick”, but only one continuous carrot. But personally, this gingerbread should be given to you with cunning in the filling:
- Keep in mind: if you constantly yell at him for being idle, you will run into counter double aggression: from him and from the “heavy artillery” of your mother-in-law. By the way, to say, you yourself chose him as your husband, they didn’t force him on you.
- I found myself some kind of temporary job - don’t worry that it’s cheap and temporary. On the contrary, praise that it’s so nice that you have him such a good, real man. Men love praise very much.
- Give him “toys” in the form of tools. Of course, he can literally play with them another day. But to prevent this from happening, help him hang the same notorious shelf. Just don't give orders! Act like an awkward fool, like you tried to help with something, hold the tape measure, but it slipped out, nothing works out for you. In the end he will say: “Go away woman, I’ll do it myself!” Stand behind with a guilty look. But keep in mind - another “gingerbread with filling” has fallen into your piggy bank.
- And it’s like this in everything: if you lifted something heavy, pretend that you hurt your back, you stretched out on the mezzanine, you hit yourself, and the like. Show that you are weak, capable only of feminine care. Raise him, boys, to be a real man. And constantly praise: “Well, what would I do without you, man, alone?” You can’t imagine how proud he will be in his soul every time you say something - and he will begin to get used to housework.
Be interesting
How to understand that your husband has fallen out of love? A man who has lost interest in his woman stops showing tender feelings towards her and talks to her less. The lady becomes uninteresting to him. Think about how you can transform yourself. Look at yourself from the outside and find your flaws. But judge objectively and unbiasedly. Are you a boring person who is not interested in anything? Then take care of your education. People are interested in talking with people who can carry on the conversation.
“Why doesn’t my husband pay attention to me?” - a stupid girl with whom there is nothing to talk about might say. A lady who wants to hold the attention of her husband must be savvy in various fields of knowledge and have at least a superficial understanding of history, art, music, cinema and psychology.
If he also drinks
- The first thing you need to understand is that alcoholism is a real disease. And until your husband can handle it, it will be very difficult to change anything else. First you need to deal with addiction, and this is not an easy path.
- Usually people become alcoholics after a severe nervous breakdown. Drinking becomes a way to escape from the unsightly reality where a man is unable to find a job, please his family, or be successful. However, do not rush to blame yourself for this. Yes, you may not have been able to properly support your husband at the right time. But his weak character is a completely different topic.
- Understand that you will not be able to force your husband to stop drinking if he is satisfied with the role of an alcoholic. The man is not stupid and understands perfectly well what is happening to him, he just doesn’t consider it necessary to change anything - it’s so convenient for him.
- Don't be afraid to leave an alcoholic. Why endure constant negative emotions? If your spouse is truly dragging you down, just find the strength to end your marriage and start over with a clean slate. It won't be easy, but you can do it!
