Male gigolo: TOP-3 tips for recognizing a deceiver

Greetings, friends!

Each person has his own understanding of what behavior is acceptable to him. Gender stereotypes play a significant role in this understanding. For example, our perception is that a man should be strong, responsible and independent. These requirements are considered natural and do not carry any discrimination, therefore they are generally accepted.

Every normal man has an internal desire to be a support for a woman. This is a natural instinct built into human nature by evolution. Alas, not all men believe that they should be strong and self-sufficient. There are also those who allow themselves to be weak and even sit on their woman’s neck. They are called gigolos, and today we will look in detail at who they are, how to recognize them and what to do with such relationships.

The main reasons why men grow into gigolos

You need to look for the essence of the problem, as in other cases, in childhood and the characteristics of your upbringing. Most often, gigolos grow up in families where the following relationships are observed:

an authoritarian mother who dictates her own rules and living conditions, as well as the example of a weak-willed and spineless father, teach a boy from an early age that a woman is more authoritarian and all responsibility can be transferred to her;
Overprotection coming from a mother in an incomplete family will also have a bad influence. Excessive care will turn your son into a cowardly man. One should also be wary of flaws in upbringing when the mother is completely occupied with her development or earning money and buys off her son with expensive gifts. A little boy will definitely like this model. But the trouble is that it is this model that he will use as the basis for his future adult relationships;
indulging his son’s desires, fulfilling all his whims, blindly worshiping this little angel will very soon turn him into a calculating manipulator;
a pretty appearance, which is praised by relatives and others, will at first simply provide close female attention, and then teach you how to use your innate advantages, benefiting primarily financially.

How to identify such a man on a dating site

When starting acquaintance on a virtual network, a man has the opportunity to evaluate his chosen one and tries to understand whether she is worth spending his time on. In addition, the first stage does not require spending any money. How can a woman understand that a gigolo is corresponding with her?

He happily sends his personal photos. Moreover, they are taken close-up, show the face, and there are also full-length images. Most often made in a professional studio. It is important for a man to look as attractive as possible. What is important is that such a guy’s appearance will be literally perfect.
The gigolo writes without errors, the sentences are constructed correctly.
A man literally showers a woman with compliments and shows great interest in her life.
There is not the slightest hint of rudeness or vulgarity in the correspondence.
He will definitely point out that he really wants to find true love, but until today he has had no luck with girls.
He asks a lot about a woman’s life, but says practically nothing about himself.
If a woman writes that she has financial problems, such a man will no longer contact her.

What masks do gigolos hide under?

Just as people have different types of temperaments and characters, gigolos cannot all be of the same type.

Household gigolo or just a parasite

This type is unpretentious; the conditions in which he lives are enough for him. There is a house, food and constant care from a woman. Why then strain and work? With a pure heart, he shifts all worries about supporting the family onto women’s shoulders. Moreover, he will not even pretend for long that he is looking for a job. On the contrary, he will oppress the woman, lower her self-esteem, assuring her that no one will pay attention to her except him. So he cuts off her escape route and forces her to play by his rules. At the same time, one should not confuse an everyday gigolo with a man who has temporarily lost his job. They are distinguished by their desire to take on responsibilities and responsibilities. An unemployed normal man will be seriously concerned about this state of affairs and will try in every possible way to correct the situation. Not finding a job, he will take on responsibilities around the house, arrange the dacha, fix all the problems in the household, etc. Alphonse will find you a thousand reasons why he should JUST sit at home: there is no position according to his education, not every job is suitable for his delicate mental organization, for purely male duties around the house it is better to attract specialists who will do everything safely and with quality guarantees, to he is not able to touch women’s affairs at all, etc. The main goal of such a gigolo is to live in his own comfortable world, without making any effort for this. In fact, all his life he sits on the neck of his woman, who gives him time, health, money, care and attention. Agree, quite sophisticated, and at the same time completely banal parasitism.

Gigolo or Seducer

This type has an interesting appearance with the obligatory sadness in the eyes. With all his appearance he will show how difficult his fate is and very soon the woman will have to shoulder the responsibility for solving all these imaginary problems. His favorite method of seduction is pressure on pity. Sensitive women's hearts quickly fall into the placed nets, and, having heard compassionate stories about a sick friend, a dying grandmother, a cruel competitor, they themselves offer their help. Further, such a gigolo will amaze even more with his imagination, forcing a woman to plunge deeper and deeper into a whirlpool of emotions, losing her common sense and blindly trusting her beloved. As a result, even a simple housewife can take out fabulous loans just to help her lover in time, support him and free him from problems. But his made-up stories never end, and a woman has to give everything in order to keep such a man near her.

Pro

A professional gigolo is distinguished by intelligence and determination. This is not some weak-minded seductive degan, but a confident alpha male who is paving the way to his material happiness through women’s destinies. He strives for wealth and power, as well as all their privileges and attributes. By the age of 40, he wants to have his own house, a cool car, a yacht would be nice, a tidy bank account and, preferably, a profitable business. And it is for these purposes that he is looking for victims among successful rich women. Alphonse is a professional educated and well-read, he knows all the news of fashion, culture, cinema, architecture. He will be able to carry on a conversation on any topic and will be a very interesting conversationalist. He will easily win the heart of a lady with his manners and upbringing. He will shower her with vulgar compliments and will not skimp on spending money on luxurious courtship and original gifts on the first dates. He knows that the end justifies the means and simply invests in his own future happy life under the auspices of the chosen one who has fallen into his network.

Networker

Another modern type of gigolos are those who choose their victims on social networks. They carefully study the personal profiles of women, note their weaknesses and begin to implement their strategy. They shower the chosen one with compliments, will sympathetically ask about life, choosing for themselves only useful information about well-being and opportunities to profit. On their part there will be a minimum of information, but a maximum of ideal studio photos, the images in which it will be difficult not to fall in love.

Who becomes a victim of gigolo

As a rule, psychological parasites attract only a certain type of woman.

" Mommies" . They urgently need a partner whom they could take care of like a little boy, thus feeling needed and important.

" Business tigresses" “These ladies have a clearly allocated time for work, sex, emotions, and it’s easy for gigolos to calculate them and find emotional weakness,” explains Alena August. Well, then, these ladies often just need a handsome boy next to them just for status.

" Gray Mice" . Insecure women often fall for “unrecognized geniuses” and “seducers”, considering it an honor to please the “star” who paid attention to them, such worthless people.

Signs that a gigolo is near you

You can recognize a gigolo in your lover by several characteristic features in their behavior:

vagueness of information about one’s own work, which is always presented at the beginning of a relationship as a profitable business, and over time inevitably fails (dismissal, layoffs, intrigues of competitors, etc.);
the occurrence of unpleasant situations in a restaurant when a companion is forced to pay the bill due to the loss or theft of a wallet, the man’s card is blocked, etc.;
the rapid growth of his financial difficulties, requiring constant subsidies from the woman he loves;
constant manipulation of the chosen one with the help of pressure on pity;
promises of a serious relationship and marriage with a small clause - after solving all his material problems;
excessive politeness and ostentatious love with numerous compliments, designed to make the woman more firmly caught in the snares set;
reluctance to introduce his friends and relatives, as well as a minimum of specific information about his family and social circle - this is how the gigolo protects himself from the attempts of a deceived woman to find her offender in the future;
lack of desire to get along with the children and acquaintances of his beloved, which is fully explained by the fear of being exposed - after all, his machinations without rose-colored glasses are very understandable, therefore, for sure, close people will try to open the woman’s eyes to the gigolo’s unworthy goals;
great interest in your finances - earnings, property, business projects, etc.

If you can notice such nuances in your new relationship with a man, be vigilant - it is very likely that you are dealing with a real gigolo.

Scheme of gigolo action

At the initial stage of communication, gigolos use “bait” of the victim. Photo: https://pixabay.com

Let's blow the dust

At the initial stage of communication, gigolos use “bait” of the victim - they take them to inexpensive cafes, where they pay in full and casually, give flowers, small gifts, and refuel the woman’s car. That is, they create the appearance of incredibly beautiful and generous courtship - remember, this is just an investment, and a minimal one at that. The gigolo will “beat off” much more. They can even rent a car (and a suit, too, by the way) - everything to show off and let the woman know that this is a very profitable match.

Hunting for the sucker

So, the fairy tale with courtship will end pretty quickly. The stage of the classic money scam begins. The partner cheated, ran away with the money, the partner framed him, and so on. But everything can be “solved” quickly, you just need a certain amount of money. Of course, the ladies rush to save their lover. They reach into their own little box, take out loans at terrible interest rates, sell their property and, in general, begin to provide for their dear one in full. And more and more money will be required. And the swindler will become more and more unhappy - no joke, his life’s work is collapsing, and he can no longer adequately provide for his woman. AND? That's right - the woman will save him over and over again, fueled by words about love and a future together.

"Let's set sail"

Alphonse disappears from the horizon, but how does it do it? His task is to prevent the woman from contacting the police, from starting to look for him in cities, from wanting to seek justice, and from, in fact, realizing that she was “dumped.” The swindler, when leaving, will thoroughly spit on the soul, accusing the lady of everything he can - from callousness to frigidity. He will find so many negative traits in a woman and dump so much crap on her head that he will sow in her soul a feeling of humiliation, shame and fear that everyone will know how she let a good man down. Would you go to the police with something like that?

TOP 3 tips for recognizing gigolo

But you also can’t suspect that every man who has lost his job or who is sincerely courteous is meeting a gigolo. Three simple ways will help remove doubts:

Immediately tell your new admirer how financially unsettled you are. The apartment is registered in the name of my sister, the car is in the name of my son-in-law, the banks have a bad credit history, which does not allow me to take out loans. In short, you live on one salary, but don’t complain. If there was a gigolo nearby, then after such a confession the trace of him will go cold.
Play with them by his own rules - come up with a heart-warming story and ask for financial support. Based on the guy’s response and sympathy, it will be possible to draw conclusions about his consumer attitude towards you.
Talk directly, voice the problems in his behavior that do not suit you, invite him to change and do something to correct them. A normal man who is interested in continuing the relationship will try to hear you and offer his own options for getting out of the situation. For a gigolo, any attempts to correct his behavior are equivalent to an encroachment on his personal rights, so be prepared to encounter complete denial of problems and a rapid cooling of feelings on his part.

And if I can’t live without him, what should I do?

How to change the man you love? No, unfortunately. He can only change if he wants to. But I've never seen anything like this before. It is much easier to find another woman and “stick” to her than to make efforts and change yourself. Don't fool yourself - look for a normal guy!

What is the conclusion from all this? Don’t date men, don’t trust them? Looking for a catch in everyone? Do checks before moving into a serious stage of a relationship?

Meet, don’t look for a trick, don’t arrange special checks—indicative cases will present themselves. Be attentive, careful and, most importantly, do not lie to yourself.

What to expect - 2 options for ending a relationship

As a result, a relationship with a gigolo can only have 2 ending options. The first is a separation after maximum use of a woman, pumping out all the money and material resources, moral and mental consumerism. At the same time, very often a man can disappear unexpectedly. Especially after he realizes that he got the maximum benefit from you. Therefore, when he demands some amount for treatment or debt, offer to transfer the money to the hospital account or issue a receipt to prevent any risks. Of course, such an approach to his problems will only speed up the breakup, but isn’t this the reasonable and only correct solution in your case? It is much worse to realize that you were used and abandoned after you transferred a large sum to his card, wrote off real estate or took out a large loan to pay off his debt. The second is marriage, which is rather the goal of the gigolo in some cases. After all, becoming the official spouse of a rich woman means for him not only the acquisition of benefits in the present time, but also far-reaching plans for receiving an inheritance in his favor. There is another way to develop a relationship with a gigolo - without a logical conclusion. We are talking about those cases when the spouse has been coping with this role for many years. It will be quite comfortable for him to continue his parasitism and comfortable existence at the expense of his wife until the end of his life. But it’s up to the woman herself to decide whether it’s worth enduring such humiliation and shouldering all the responsibilities.

A short historical excursion

Women's emancipation also aggravated the situation.
We so wanted to become independent and equal to men that we achieved our goal... This phenomenon gave a strong impetus to the widespread infantilization of heroes and knights, many of whom initially resisted, and then decided that it was even more convenient. This gave birth to a new class of men - Alfons. Who is gigolo? This is a man who receives benefits from a woman (usually material) by establishing emotional and physical contact with her. However, it would not be entirely fair to assume that they appeared only in the 20th century.

The very concept of “alphonse” appeared in our country thanks to Alexandre Dumas the son, who in 1873 wrote the comedy novel “Monsieur Alphonse”. The book tells the story of a man who lived on the support of a woman of easy virtue.

Thus, there were men eager to live off the fair sex in the 19th century and much earlier.

Risk group - which women are attracted to gigolos

Now let's talk a little about who can become a victim of gigolo. It is generally accepted in society that these are most often wealthy, single, older women. Naturally, this category is more vulnerable to these money hunters. After all, at heart, every successful business woman remains a romantic girl who wants to feel loved and desired. All these emotions can be given to her by a young gigolo. True, in exchange for some material rewards. In this case, at least everything is more or less honest, understandable and predictable.

What other women can fall into the network of gigolos:

beauties of Balzac's age (regardless of marital status), to whom the attention and courtship of a young man will give them a second youth and the desired feelings. But when the time comes to take stock and count the costs of maintaining your loved one, it will be too late. Women are so absorbed in their love that they simply cannot believe in the treachery of their partner;
single women without children, striving to bestow care and attention on their chosen one, wanting to take on all his problems, projecting the “mother and child” model in relationships;
romantic natures, women with low self-esteem, who will not be difficult to conquer by saying a couple of compliments and promising a future happy life together. Having received attention from a man, they will blindly move according to the plan outlined by the gigolo, offering their help and support, looking for the missing resources by any means, just to keep their loved one near them longer;
authoritarian women who like to have a man around them who warns her desires and recognizes her as a leader. True, for this you will have to take care of its maintenance, but for a business woman it will not be difficult to pay the expenses of a young and high-status partner.

Alphonse - psychological portrait

Relationship experts identify two main types of gigolo guys:

An ordinary dependent who behaves like a capricious child: demands attention, gifts and other benefits for sex and the illusion of care. He lives with a woman for years until she gets tired of it. The benefits from it are about the same as from a goat of milk - besides a cute look and pleasant sex, it cannot give anything.
A dangerous swindler who acts calculatedly and can greatly harm a woman: deprive her of her home, take away her business or even her life in the fight for money. He can even marry his victim and trick him into transferring the property to himself.

Alphonse does not want to earn money himself, and even if a woman helps him get a job, he does nothing there, but only annoys his colleagues with his presence until he is thrown out miserably.

At the first meeting, the gigolo looks attractive and the woman will never guess his true intentions. Everything will appear much later, when she falls in love and begins to fulfill his literally dear desires.

How to break ties with a gigolo

What is worth advising women who have become victims of gigolos?

There are also 2 options here:

continue to love blindly and hope for a long relationship, but at the same time you should not complain about being used (“they saw what they bought”);
urgently run away from a parasitic man and strive to find your happiness in a harmonious relationship.

By the way, the issue of a breakup need not be raised so sharply - when you do not have the means to satisfy the whims of the gigolo, he himself will leave you in search of a new patroness.

come up with a story about your financial ruin and ask him to provide you with financial assistance for the entire period of difficulties;
say that you are sick and now you will need expensive medicines, resorts and sanatoriums, on which you will have to spend all your money and will need his support;
persistently ask to introduce him to his friends and family, arguing that you want to get to know him better and are very interested in his life;
don’t be shy about asking about his place of work, hinting that you wouldn’t mind stopping by his office one day;
stop providing him with financial assistance and think about what money he lives on - it is very possible that he simultaneously uses several women to satisfy all his desires.

By following at least one of these tips, you will definitely ruin your relationship with the gigolo. Be prepared for a fierce rebuff on his part, his usual pressures for pity and calls for sympathy. Do not succumb to his manipulations and be firm in your decision to leave. Seeing a psychologist will help you get over a breakup with a person you sincerely loved and with whom you were so disappointed. He will also be able to choose the optimal course of action for you, give professional advice, understand, support and guide you on the path of truth. And after the gigolo leaves your life, try to analyze why he chose you as a victim. Draw the right conclusions, love yourself and believe in your uniqueness. And then very soon you will be able to meet true love and create a strong relationship with a worthy man.

We all come from childhood

There is another reason for the appearance of gigolos.
A woman who has complaints against a man due to his insolvency and immaturity should carefully look at who she is raising her son to be. Who is gigolo? This is a man who is unable to take responsibility for his life and the lives of other people (family members) - victims of strong and domineering mothers who decide everything all the time, or who coddle excessively with their sons, not being able to accept the fact of his inherent masculinity.