Today we will talk about what talkativeness is, why it irritates people, and also why talkativeness interferes with success - why it is harmful. We’ll also think about how to get rid of all this. Looking ahead, it should be noted that talkativeness also has positive sides.
Few people like people who are withdrawn, closed and silent. On the other hand, there are people who can be called sociable. Sociable people are what you need. But if your communication goes beyond all boundaries and reaches the point of talkativeness and excessive verbosity, then others also cease to like it. The ability to listen to other people is as valuable as the ability to speak beautifully.
Why talkativeness interferes with success
Scientists have found that the human brain itself is not very good at handling several things at once. When you speak, you cannot read something at the same time or drive a car as well. In addition, when you are too verbose, people around you quickly lose the thread - they get bored if you cannot express your thoughts briefly, clearly, and concisely!
Chatty people
interfere with colleagues' work. Sometimes they talk with their tongue about everything, indiscriminately or without regard to the case. Colleagues are forced to buy headphones in order to somehow distance themselves from the information noise.
By the way, for some professions, talkativeness and talkativeness
may be more of a plus than a minus. For example, a sales manager who makes a lot of cold calls should like to talk a lot.
The ability to keep one's mouth shut and to be responsible for one's words is as important a quality of a business person as the ability to speak competently. Sometimes spilling someone's secret, promising more than you are physically able to do - all this will not best characterize your business qualities! It’s not for nothing that there is a saying that your tongue is your enemy. However, on the other hand, the language will bring it to Kyiv. So you need to be able to speak at the right time, and also stop at the right time.
Why are some people too talkative?
You can find an approach to almost every person, but there are also those who, if you give them a reason, will start talking. Usually this behavior is terribly annoying, especially if the person talks non-stop. It is believed that women are more talkative, but many men are not far behind. However, every overly talkative person has reasons for this behavior.
Causes of excessive talkativeness
As we have already said, in our society, complaints are mostly made against women. Sometimes they simply cannot be stopped. However, for many, empty chatter does not at all prevent them from doing business at the same time. When you meet such a person, you wonder where this trait comes from in him. Why do you have to spend hours prying important information out of some people, while others themselves will be happy to “pour out” everything that has accumulated in their soul on you? Temperament and the conditions in which a person grew up and were brought up are of great importance.
Where do the non-stop talkers come from?
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You have probably come across families where the child is allowed a lot and his actions are practically unlimited. As a rule, parents can discuss absolutely any situation that happened during the day in front of their child, and in great detail. Therefore, children who grew up in such conditions believe that not only the family, but also those around them will be interested in the details of his life. It is not surprising that friends and acquaintances periodically get tired of communicating with such a person. And such openness can plunge a stranger into shock.
It also happens the other way around: the family harshly suppresses any detailed discussions. This does not mean that family members treat each other coldly. No, they love their family, they just don’t interfere in another person’s personal space. If you have such a friend, you are unlikely to hear intimate details of his life from him.
What lies behind excessive talkativeness?
You should not think that an overly eloquent person will immediately reveal all his secrets to you. Perhaps in this way he, on the contrary, is trying to hide something from you, hiding behind conversations “about nothing.” He will not discuss his own life with you; he will rather talk about others, or on abstract topics.
If a person has something to hide, he will change topics every few minutes, you may even lose the thread of the conversation. Psychologists advise limiting communication with such people: do not engage in conversations with them for more than half an hour, otherwise you risk getting a headache or worse symptoms. All the same, you won’t learn anything useful from this person; he talks about everything a little, but never goes into detail.
For many, idle chatter does not at all interfere with doing business at the same time.
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Interestingly, talkers can talk about almost any topic - it doesn’t matter whether they understand it or not. If you try to discuss something in more detail with them, they may even become confused. Another interesting fact: even a very modest person can be a talker. He is so afraid of silence in the presence of others that he begins to talk about everything he sees, just to relieve the situation.
A chatterbox is not always harmless. It may be a person with a weakened psyche, which can affect you very negatively. How to recognize danger?
Such people are always tactful and friendly, but for some reason this is repulsive in their “performance”.
They easily gain trust.
Having told about himself, he begins to inquire about your life.
These people are too intrusive.
They are excellent manipulators, and in most cases they require the help of a specialist.
If you notice at least some of the signs in your acquaintances, reduce communication to a minimum, you don’t want problems with your own psyche, do you?
What lies behind excessive talkativeness?
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Another type of talker, more harmless, is gossip.
They simply cannot live without discussing other people's lives. This can be called mania. Of course, sometimes they cause a lot of problems for the person whose life they want to know everything about in order to share information with the “world,” but more often they are simply annoying to others. The problem is that it is extremely difficult to catch them doing bad things. Just remember that in the presence of a person with a peccadillo, you need to watch what you say, otherwise you may face the consequences of a gossiper's wild imagination based on your story.
As a rule, gossipers are people with low self-esteem. By discussing others, they try to grow in the eyes of others.
In any case, if you notice yourself being talkative, try talking a little less and listening more. Believe me, your friends and colleagues will appreciate it.
How to speak briefly and clearly
It has been noticed by many people that they sometimes cannot express the essence of the matter in a few sentences so that it is immediately understandable and intelligible. This happens when you start pouring a lot of details or unimportant nuances on your interlocutor, but forget to succinctly tell him what you want to convey. Fortunately, the skill of expressing your thoughts succinctly can be trained, for example, by writing articles or giving a presentation in public. It is usually considered normal for a report to last 3-5 minutes. It doesn’t matter whether you are showing a business project to an investor, defending a graduation project, or want to convey something to someone. You only have a few minutes left. After this time, even if you are not interrupted, the listener’s attention is naturally distracted and it becomes noticeably more difficult to keep the audience’s attention.
Specific steps to help get rid of excessive talkativeness:
- answer as briefly and succinctly as possible!
- try to talk on the phone for as little time as possible and only on business;
- Call less or personally distract your colleagues from their work - and write more emails where appropriate. Colleagues will answer you when it is convenient for them;
- prepare your speech in advance, rehearse if you have to speak in public;
- Ways such as meditation, solitude, and writing down your thoughts on paper help to get rid of talkativeness.
Verbosity is not always a negative thing. Sometimes it can be very appropriate. Especially when you are talking with a person about topics that interest both of you. But when your interlocutor has long lost interest in the conversation and listens out of politeness, this is a reason to be wary and stop wasting your tongue. In society, excessive talkativeness may be mistaken for narrow-mindedness.
Sociability can be a great way to learn new things or expand a person’s vocabulary and acquire the necessary connections. On the other hand, sometimes chatting can be a waste of time. That is why it is advisable to communicate with people who are interesting to you and from whom you can learn something. A person’s environment and who he communicates with during work and free time is a very serious factor in success.
Stress is to blame
A person who talks without stopping constantly experiences internal tension, from which talking helps him get rid of it.
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We know that half of our illnesses occur due to stress. Talkativeness is no exception. It is not without reason that in the modern world, conversational psychotherapy is used, when a person is given the opportunity to speak out so that he gets rid of all internal pressures. Church confession can also be considered a form of talk therapy. A person talks about his sins and thereby “frees the soul.”
Talkativeness is often called compulsion. These are repetitive actions that calm a person. This includes not only excessive talkativeness, but also the desire to do some actions several times. For example, such people wipe dust or wash their hands all day for inner peace.
There is also such a term in medicine as Tourette's syndrome. It manifests itself in a person's inability to keep his words. Such people constantly shout obscene words or inappropriate statements. Tourette syndrome can be noticed in a child in infancy. This is a disorder of the nervous system. Even in the maternity hospital, future talkers stand out among the children: one child calmly drinks milk and falls asleep, while the other constantly screams, being dry and well-fed. Psychologists note that adults with Tourette syndrome can be found in different areas of life.
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Women's talkativeness is not a myth
According to statistics, the average woman speaks three times more than a man every day. Reaches up to 20,000 words per day (according to other sources, the average number of words is 23,000 for women). The average duration of men's phone calls is noticeably shorter than that of women.
Women even have a larger vocabulary than men, and their brains are developed differently compared to the stronger sex. To summarize, male speech is usually based on facts and the transfer of information; there is rarely room for unimportant details. Women's speech contains more details and an emotional component. Some sites even write that women relieve stress through communication.
Men have learned to respect their spouses' need for communication and prefer their women to spend hours talking on the phone with their girlfriends. This is much better than becoming a victim of her monologue yourself. Yes, men don’t like exhausting conversations. I know this from myself.
Estimate realistically
Bring yourself back to earth first. Before you assume it's all about your friend, take a close look at your own behavior first. Maybe honor who is in charge in the family.
We all have shortcomings, perhaps if there is impatience or dislike of listening, then your friend (friend) cannot be too talkative objectively, she only does it by your standards.
On the other hand, if you are patient and respect your friend, it is enough to simply try to listen carefully, but if you cannot include many of your own words in the conversation, then it is likely that he or she is talking a lot more than usual. Tactfully ask this question to mutual friends if they have any experience of talking with this talkative person. They are able to validate their experience, making it more confident and objective on your part.
You don’t even have to ask or use a specific name, but simply ask about the obligations between a man and a woman. If all this refers to a mutual friend as “talkativeness,” then your own impressions are not deceiving you, and it is not your fault that she (he) talks too much.
Don't talk hand in hand!
The other day a funny thing happened. One student who did an internship with me brought forms where I had to sign, put a stamp, enter my name and position. While I was filling out everything, he was talking crazy! Constantly!! Because he mumbled something under my hand, I made mistakes on several forms. The quality of everything you do also deteriorates when someone tells you something or you talk yourself, for example, while driving. For this reason, it is better not to talk on the phone while driving, even if you have a speakerphone.
Later, my father called me and during an active conversation on my cell phone, I made even more mistakes when filling out student documents. This is how talkativeness can lead to real trouble.
Dependence on a man.
Often a girl has no hobby, her only passion is a man. Dependence on a partner is expressed in constant jealousy and imposition of one’s company. Constant monitoring of social networks, control of calls and accusations of infidelity - any man will get tired of this.
A woman should not impose herself, but give her partner personal space. Otherwise, such behavior will lead to a break in the relationship or uncontrived betrayal.
Warnings
- If you know all of your friend's opinions on this matter and they are negative towards you, it may be worth reconsidering this friendship.
- It may take more than one day to rid a friend of excessive talkativeness and teach him to speak normally. It takes a long time. Perhaps nothing will work out at all.
In any case, try to fix your communication first before rejecting your chatty girlfriend/boyfriend. Friends can always help and are always needed in our lives. Try it, and then draw conclusions. Good luck!
Pretend to be tired
Tell the talkative person that they need to take a break from such intrusive communication.
Say something like I need to take care of my husband or “Hey, let's just sit here quietly for a while, I didn't sleep well last night.” Or perhaps take your phone and go to VKontakte or Facebook and say something like, “I need to check my updates because I didn’t log in yesterday—do you mind if I just do that for a few minutes?” .
Or maybe “I can’t process too much today, I can’t think straight because I have a headache—do you mind if we just try to be quiet for a moment and just see where the world is coming?” Use what suits your personality and communication style, and try not to come across as rude. Ideally, this will be just enough to give the chatterbox a break and stop this one-sided conversation.
Stop talking
Be respectful and authentic when raising the issue of chatting with your friend. At some stage, you may feel that you simply need to raise the issue of his or her talkativeness. That being said, here are some important points you should definitely take note of:
- Don't let your friend know that he or she is selfish, narcissistic and pointless. Your friend may already know these things, but if you want to remain friends, this is not a good way to improve your relationship. Instead, sit down on the couch and discuss the problems that you are not feeling, that you are not getting enough attention to yourself and your words, which is interfering with your good connection and feelings. Feel free to say that you feel a little deflated during the exchange of information.
- Remember to use "I feel" statements and don't make any pointed comments about his or her personal chatty qualities.
- Explain to your friend that you know how excited your friends are about certain topics and how much you enjoy hearing about their perspectives, and then make it clear that you would also like to be able to share your perspectives so that he or she she was also able to appreciate your input, ideas, thoughts, etc., just as you do when communicating with him.
- Keep in mind that some people talk too much when they are experiencing difficulties in their lives, such as stress and anxiety, and some suffer from bipolar disorder and experience a manic phase, which can and often does tempt the person to talk incessantly. While this may not be an excuse for selfishness or even abusive behavior, it does require some understanding on your part. It might be worth trying to help your friend.
