Let's talk about how to react to negativity and what to do with the emotions that usually accompany it - anger, resentment and irritation.
Have you ever noticed this: if something really upsets you, then the rest of the day goes “wrong”? You were rude in the store, scolded at work, and now a chain of
negative events
: from a coat splashed with mud to the failure of a contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.
If you were offended by a loved one, you quarreled, or worse, broke up, don’t wait for time to heal the wounds and everything will return to normal on its own.
Find out what to do to fix everything >>>
Why does just one negative event cause a whole chain of negative reactions?
It’s simple: you became “infected” with someone else’s negativity and also allowed yourself to experience negative emotions, thereby starting a negative chain reaction.
How to properly respond to someone else’s anger, insults and nagging in order to live calmly and happily, we’ll talk in this article.
A small life hack awaits the most patient at the end
- how to communicate with people in order to be guaranteed to get infected from them... with positivity.
Speak calmly
The way we communicate is often much more important than what we say. If the situation is heated, then it's time to talk about it. However, the dialogue should not be aggressive. It is better to use sentences that begin with the words “I”, “me”, “me”, for example: “It annoys me when you do this. Could you do things differently? Most likely, the interlocutor will listen to you and also express his opinion.
Sometimes it is worth calling in a third party for help. Another person can objectively assess the situation. Maybe after the dialogue you will not become friends with the one with whom the conflict is brewing, but at least you will be able to communicate normally.
Working alongside people you find difficult to get along with is a rewarding experience that will show you how you can cope with problems.
Tip five: try to discuss the problem
Positive communication and calm discussion of the situation will help resolve the problem without conflict. During such a conversation, it is necessary to avoid an accusatory tone and not impose your point of view on the interlocutor. For example, if your co-worker generously sprays himself with cologne or loudly discusses his personal matters on the phone, then he most likely does this unintentionally and may not even realize that his behavior is annoying someone. In this case, a tactful and calm conversation without witnesses will help clarify the situation and resolve the problem.
How to remove negative energy from yourself
If you were unable to avoid a traumatic situation, you can use some traditional ways to get rid of negative energy.
Water is a universal way to get rid of negative energy:
In nature, you can give negative energy to water. It is best to come to the river, sit comfortably on the bank and talk, looking at the flow of water, about what worries and worries you. You can imagine how streams of negative energy pass from you to the river and are carried away with the flow; at home, water from the shower is suitable (take a shower for at least 20-30 minutes), at work - tap water (put your hands under the running water and wash your face thoroughly)
It is important to use running water and not standing water (for example, a pond); In an apartment you can also take a bath with Thursday salts. It is important to carefully drain the water and take a shower at the end.
Other ways to get rid of negativity:
- subject the body to intense physical activity: walk quickly for several kilometers, work out with dumbbells, clear snow near the house;
- give negative energy to any solid object that can be thrown away. For example, pick up a stone, talk about your troubles and throw it far, imagining how it takes your troubles with it;
- speak out, tell someone about your problems and experiences. The interlocutor can be not only a person, but also an animal, a doll, a painting, a tree;
- transfer negative energy to the fire. For example, sit by the fire in nature or light a candle at home. Looking at the flame, imagine how your negative emotions are burned and disappear.
If you are removing negative energy from yourself at home, after the session you need to cleanse your home: light a candle and let it burn for about half an hour.
What is considered negativity and insults?
External influence that leads to discomfort is considered negative. The person feels inferior. He becomes irritated and aggressive and splashes out the negative emotions accumulated in him on others.
A person evaluates himself low, his mood and self-esteem are increasingly declining. He feels anxious and tense. Sometimes this state is mixed with confusion and fear. Therefore, the question of how to deal with a negative state is important.
Among colleagues
Many people are faced with manipulation outside the home, which raises another question: “How not to succumb to provocations at work?”
The team is not always friendly and adequate. Sometimes, when a person comes to work, he encounters people who are not ready to tolerate the smile on their face and the fighting spirit of their co-worker. They are ready to disrupt his mental and emotional state in every way. How to prevent this?
- Do not react to the words and actions of provocateur colleagues if their actions are limited only to endless questions and attempts to ruin your mood. Instead of a compliment, they may say that your hairstyle leaves much to be desired. Such people are able to put pressure on pity or feelings of inferiority, reminding you that it was you who were deprived of your bonus last month.
- If such provocateur colleagues interfere with your work, then try to have a serious conversation. Prepare a “safety cushion” for yourself by discreetly turning on a voice recorder or asking a friend from work to witness the conversation. Explain that if the provocations do not stop, you will be forced to contact the company’s management.
- Your friendly conversation went nowhere, but you still have notes or evidence that a manipulative colleague is interfering with work? Contact your superiors and ask them to influence this person.
How to ignore the opinions of others
Accept a simple fact: you, and only you, can create your own happiness. Often those around him, especially close people, begin to impose their opinion, telling a person what he should work as, what to do in his free time, what education to choose. However, they themselves will not live according to the model prepared for you and will only shrug their shoulders if you are unhappy after following their recommendations.
Try to look at many things from a useful perspective. When someone pushes their opinion on you, ask yourself: “Is this helpful to me?” If there is no benefit even at 60%, you shouldn’t listen to someone else’s opinion.
Work on your self-esteem. This is a very important point. People often go to extremes: some consider themselves too inept and unworthy to make decisions, while others prefer not to pay attention to criticism at all, even if it comes from a more experienced person. Remember your positive qualities, or better yet, write them down on paper. If it is difficult to do this on your own, ask your loved ones to tell you why they value you, and you will learn a lot of pleasant things. Finally, develop the right attitude towards criticism. Remember that you are beyond judgment, so we can only talk about your words and actions. This means that if a more experienced person criticizes you, you need to take his words as a useful lesson, and not as an accusation.
Why are some people annoying?
Carl Gustav Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist and the founder of analytical psychology, worked on many issues.
He was interested not only in all kinds of disorders of the nervous system, but also in the peculiarities of relationships between people in society. In his book “Eon. Studies on the Symbolism of the Self,” he wrote, about how the desire to correct something in others is of dubious usefulness. Articles on the topic How to recognize a liar and a manipulator during communication 10.26.2021 Current techniques for working with the subconscious 09.20.2021 The most important areas of education 08.28.2021 The primary goal of raising children in modern society 05.20.2021
Control your imagination
Some “optimists” have a wonderful habit - they amuse themselves by making apocalyptic plans for the future. It must be very exciting to imagine what misfortunes can happen. If you also have similar fantasies, immediately start working on yourself. Be realistic: in movies, disasters happen at every turn, but are there many of them in real life? Has anything similar happened to you? Maybe your friends experienced a thriller story? It is possible that you have had to experience troubles, but hopefully they do not happen every month?
Doesn't this logic seem comforting to you? We urge you to calm down your imagination and come into balance: if life is really so cruel, draw pictures of harmony and prosperity in your imagination. Learn to write positive scenarios, practice writing until you begin to enjoy fantasy positivity. Someday your imagination, trained for virtual misfortunes, will give up and stop producing nightmares. If you continue to entertain yourself with horrors of your own making, a clinic of neuroses awaits you. But first you will become a subject, communication with whom is burdensome for others.
Fatal fighter
All the Fatal Fighter needs is tenderness, love, care. It’s simply amazing how quickly the method of love and kindness can cool his ardor and even transform him. It won't necessarily happen instantly, but eventually you will see a kinder, more flexible person in front of you.
If the Doom Fighter becomes aggressive, unleashing his fury on you, the only way out is to use the retreat method, say: “goodbye”, “ciao”, “bye” - and never come back. The method of retreat is also indispensable when it becomes simply impossible to continue a relationship with such a person.
If no methods help in communicating with the “Fatal Fighter,” you have no choice but to bow out.
How to protect yourself from negativity at work
First, a simple truth: a person who radiates negativity will never achieve success in life. Just know that this is a loser who is pushing away opportunities and people.
Such a presentation will strengthen your self-confidence and allow you to be more calm about all his antics. Having turned on your inner core, you are already 70% ready to defend yourself. All that remains is to learn some tricks. Here they are:
As soon as you are rude, stop the frantic wave of thoughts! It seems that you are about to tear a person to shreds! And why not, it will become easier. Well, if you want to feed the negative, you can show your knowledge in a three-story mat. Otherwise, exhale, then inhale deeply and put on a mask of indifference. The first seconds are the most important. If you are able to hold back your reaction, then you are superior to your opponent. Why would you stoop to his level? Be taller!
Be prepared for negativity. Forewarned is forearmed. You already understand that an eruption can occur at any moment, so do not be surprised by human behavior. Take this for granted, and your rambunctious colleague will dry up from lack of reciprocal emotion.
Do not conduct the conversation in a “1 on 1” format. Involve the people around you in the conversation, and your colleague will instantly reduce the pressure. It will become uncomfortable for him to offend you when several people are watching and evaluating his behavior. Nature is at work here: everyone wants to show their best side. It's like a computer program aimed at survival in society, and you are a hacker who uses it for your own purposes.
Ignore Ignoring is the best way to deal with a negative colleague. The absence of your emotions is the most unpleasant punishment for this kind of people. Install a kind of filter that eliminates the person from your field of vision. Try to avoid communication as much as possible, and if you have to make contact, answer briefly and immediately switch your attention. Remember, ignoring does not mean playing silent
If a person suspects something, the situation may worsen. Try to do this carefully and unobtrusively.
Accept other points of view Yes, it is difficult. But sometimes it’s not about them at all, but about you
Maybe you are melancholic, taking everything to heart, or just lazy! Try to figure out what your colleague is pouring out on you: a bucket of slop, or constructive criticism. It may turn out that all you have to do is submit reports on time, and problems at work will disappear on their own.
Effective work on yourself
The list of negative claims can be endless. His problem is not the imperfection of the world around him, which everyone faces, but his own perception. This character is pathologically incapable of rejoicing (especially for others) and inflates little things to the scale of a catastrophe.
And if it is still possible to isolate yourself from the opinion of such a random passerby, then such bosses, colleagues, neighbors, relatives, educators and teachers can turn even the calmest person into a monster. It is especially difficult if those who raise and teach children are in constant negativity. Due to their age, children are susceptible to negative influence.
And they can easily adopt the example of an eternally grumpy adult and not even stop behaving this way in adulthood.
A separate type of negative people are haters, from the English word hate, to hate. Don’t feed harmful people bread, let them mix someone with dirt, humiliate and insult them for a trifle. The reasons for such behavior vary, from feelings of inferiority to the inability to obtain pleasure through other methods and express negative feelings constructively. But you may not understand their motives to protect themselves. After all, it is almost impossible to re-educate an adult, especially a stranger, so that he stops. It’s easier to just learn how to defend yourself from them and teach your children to do the same.
Stop insults
The first reaction to a harmful character who is trying to humiliate or offend is resentment. But this is exactly what the unpleasant interlocutor is trying to achieve! Some people seem to feed on negative emotions. This is where the concept of emotional vampirism arises. If a person hurts others and then regrets it, then at least then he asks for forgiveness and tries to cope with his problem. Otherwise, he either does not care about the suffering of others, or he even does nasty things for his own pleasure.
So it’s hardly worth giving such harmful people satisfaction from their sadistic actions, getting upset and offended.
After all, even if you don’t show it, negative feelings cause the release of hormones into the blood, which, with frequent exposure, destroy the body.
The second reason to avoid resentment is what is the point of resenting an already unhappy character? It is unlikely that someone who has a happy life will vilify others, spread gossip behind their backs and execute others for the slightest mistake. Such people should be sympathized with, not hated, since they are already punished by themselves.
When a person is offended, it is as if he is trying to prove to himself and others that he is right, and is also trying to punish the offender for his rudeness. But you need to stop always proving that you are right. And it is clear that inflated demands and outbursts of hatred on every occasion are not normal. And the pointlessness of punishing offenders with insult is already clear: firstly, these stupid people are already punishing themselves; and secondly, the resentment of the victims may even make them happy. Even if not for long.
Mindfulness
When internal tension and resistance arise in response to an attack or outpouring of negative feelings, you should ask yourself:
- What is it about this opinion that upsets me so much;
- whether someone close to me showed similar rudeness when I was a child;
- what reaction is the interlocutor seeking from me;
- if I simply ignore complaints and attacks, will this threaten me with unpleasant consequences;
- Is it possible to turn this into a joke?
Of course, sometimes it seems that you need to be held accountable for rudeness urgently, right now. But, as a rule, this is an illusion, and we have at least 10 seconds to think. When Apple founder Steve Jobs was asked tough questions, he sometimes paused for several minutes before answering, and sometimes he made it a joke.
If the attack is suspiciously reminiscent of a situation from childhood, then most likely a trigger is triggered - a hook that reminds the individual of how bad it was for him in a similar situation in childhood.
For example, when accused of “well, you’re stupid!” sounds the voice of the mother who spoke throughout her childhood:
- Yes, you don’t grab stars from the sky.
Or the school teacher who said:
- When everyone stood in line for brains before the birth, you moved away!
By the way, this phrase belongs to a real teacher. And one can only guess what traumatic effect this rudeness had on the child who heard it. But as an adult, a person is able to work through this trauma and develop other reactions in response to a similar stimulus.
Refusal
None of us should allow ourselves to get upset just because others want us to. And even if it seems to a person that there is a sound grain in the opponent’s opinion, a stupid and aggressive pitch can kill him. And then the person withdraws into himself, ignores claims and attacks - which is sometimes also a winning strategy.
Adoption
Acceptance is about agreeing that the negative person is the way he is and is unlikely to change. After internal agreement, the person stops tormenting himself. After all, the struggle of trying to prove that the opponent is behaving incorrectly and even being rude for no reason stops.
What does a negative person mean?
A negative person is primarily someone who affects self-esteem. If a person is not confident in himself, any passing remark can plunge him into the abyss of despair. Even an innocent person can act as a negative personality. For example, a teacher or boss who expresses his desires and orders in a demanding form looks like an accumulation of negativity to a touchy and vulnerable person.
There are also so-called “energy vampires” who specifically generate negative emotions in others, provoking scandals, physical discomfort and other unpleasant reactions. Such people have many psychological tools in their arsenal that are powerless against self-confidence and equanimity.
Everyone is familiar with elderly grandmothers who cause scandals in stores and clinics. These negative personalities became like this from a lack of emotion and attention. With age, many opportunities to receive bright emotions are lost, and by causing negativity in others, you can get a response, find yourself in the center of attention and get emotional release.
Another type of people are those who assert themselves at the expense of others. This could be a boss, any official, a friend, a classmate, a relative, or even a spouse. Such people do not know how to create something meaningful and the only way to raise self-esteem is to humiliate those who succumb to provocations.
Emotions with a sign
People can approach the same situation differently. Some people replay unpleasant moments in their heads every now and then, thereby further strengthening the resulting negativity.
Others simply do not focus on the problem, which after some time ceases to be such
That is why it is so important to realize that the attitude towards a particular situation depends only on the person himself. To make it easier to drive away sad thoughts and not dwell on bad moments, you should concentrate as much as possible on the positive, remembering all the good things in life
To make it easier to drive away sad thoughts and not dwell on bad moments, you should concentrate as much as possible on the positive, remembering all the good things in life.
Return to nature
Sometimes you really need a break from all the people around you. So take a weekend, a day or even an hour, and go somewhere for a walk in nature.
Let the sounds of nature replace the flow of chatter of the modern world
Notice the simplicity of the natural world and how harmoniously the plant and animal worlds coexist with each other
Breathe deeply, tune in to meditation. Focus on filling your body with fresh air and lifting your mood. And when you return to your daily life, you will feel refreshed and protected from absorbing the negative energy of those around you.
How not to lose your individuality
...and stop depending on the opinions of others?
Our individuality evaporates under the onslaught. How we look, how we behave and what goals we set for ourselves, what we want from life - all this is our individuality. Freedom is the most important thing a person has. To take away freedom means to take away a person’s life. One should never lose one's self. The system is built in such a way that people who are different and different from each other are not always accepted by society
Of course, if we pay attention to the views and opinions of passers-by, we will not be liberated, we will not begin to truly live. Everyone sees themselves differently, therefore everyone wants to express themselves
Interesting and unique people get lost among thousands of passers-by because they are afraid of other people's opinions.
In order to stop depending on the opinion of society, it is worth understanding that:
- The opinions of others are just opinions, no one forces you to listen to them and change anything. Often people, condemning someone's action, do not notice that they themselves have committed a similar thing. After all, it is always easier to condemn than to understand.
- Sometimes people's opinions about the same thing are completely opposite, and it will not be possible to please the whole society as a whole. There will always be someone who will find something negative even in the most noble deed.
- It is impossible to live constantly looking at others; your personal opinion should always come first.
The way others see us is not us
What others think about us never touches the truth. All ideas are illusions. A person will not be able to immerse himself in your state, probe your inner world and your vision of it.
The opinions of others are the complete opposite of our true knowledge and values. When you listen to others, agree and blame yourself for being different, it puts an end to your personality and its development. Remember: what others think about you is not who you are.
Surround yourself with the present
Our environment influences us - that's a fact. Among deceitful and hypocritical people we become spoiled. Try not to be around people you don't like. Look for people who are like you, non-judgmental and willing to listen.
Choose the right company, this is very important for the further formation of your personality
Your choice
You are your choice. The main thing is to do it without thinking. Don’t lie to yourself, talk to yourself, ask provocative questions, but answer them honestly. Know your weaknesses and strengths
Confidence in yourself and your abilities will not give anyone a chance to attract attention, and no one will be able to offend you and your views
Gossip
Gossip creates problems and can make mountains out of molehills like nothing else. Don't create gossip or listen to it. Understand: if they talk about you, you are always ahead. But who are these people who are so interested in other people's lives? It's simple: they have a surprisingly small world, and they have not seen anything beyond their stereotypical knowledge. When they come across an interesting and somewhat strange person who is trying to express himself, they condemn what they cannot understand. There will always be a herd in any society.
Immunity
Develop an immunity to strength and special indifference to the opinions of others. All this only complicates your path. Do and look the way you want. There will be no other chances and life for this.
Arrogant snob
When Arrogant Snobs start singing their favorite song, “I'm better than you,” the method of calm questioning works best. Ask Snobs more questions so that they understand the absurdity of their claims to others. Questions like “who told you that you are better than others?” or “why wouldn’t you talk to such a person?” usually they are knocked off their arrogance, since they do not know how to respond to this.
It is very pleasant to tell the Arrogant Snobs everything that you think, because they do not expect such a turn of events and are shocked by your Attacks. If you find that you have suffered enough meanness from the Arrogant Snob and his friends, leave them and leave, saving your nerves. People who think they are better than you don't deserve attention.
How to remove negative energy from your home
Global cleansing of the house is carried out when they feel bad in this room, they often quarrel or after the previous owners:
First you need to do some general cleaning. Find and clean all hard-to-reach places from dirt, throw away all broken and non-functional items, give unnecessary clothes and other things to those in need. It is better to carry out wet cleaning using water with Thursday salt
After such cleansing, the house will be open to receiving positive energy; pay special attention to mirrors in the house. Mirror surfaces store all the negative information about past residents, about those who were sick and died in the apartment
To remove negative energy from them, you need to thoroughly wash them, first with salt, then with clean water; then you can cleanse the apartment with a regular paraffin or church candle. You need to walk around the entire apartment with a lit candle counterclockwise, stopping at each corner. If a candle smokes, the flame becomes black and uneven in a certain area, this indicates the presence of negative energy. You need to go around the entire apartment again until the flame becomes even everywhere, and then leave the candle to burn out.
And some more general tips:
- Get indoor plants and care for them lovingly. They will neutralize negative energy from guests. If you live in a private house, you can plant trees and shrubs around the building, which will create a ring that protects from external negativity;
- get a cat in the house. This animal has the unique gift of repelling negative energy;
- Always clean your home after guests visit and ventilate the room well.
invisible wall
There are provocateurs who are just waiting for a response to the negativity sent into the world. And when they receive it, it’s as if they are swimming in the waves of other people’s emotions, fueled by energy. The most correct thing a person can do in the face of such attacks is to mentally build an invisible wall around himself. The first seconds in which the response is formed are the most important. That is why it is necessary to have time to take a deep breath, exhale and try with all your might to switch from perceiving the negative to “creating” that very wall.
You need to imagine the height of the wall, the color, the material from which it will be made and literally feel how all the unpleasant words sounding from the outside are shattered against its armor.
How to stop depending on other people's opinions
Most of us are very dependent on the opinions of others, and this circumstance often ruins our lives. Someone tries to adapt, changing their opinion under the influence of the environment. Others silently endure negative statements, but suffer greatly and depend on other people’s opinions, self-esteem decreases and, as a result, neuroses and depression arise. How not to depend on other people's opinions? What do I need to do?
Divide all people according to their importance to you:
people whose opinions are very important to us and who are really worth listening to; people whose opinions are sometimes worth considering; people who mean nothing to you.
Life is such that we constantly hear opinions about any events. And there are a huge number of opinions, everyone has their own, it is impossible to simply physically listen to everyone, especially if these opinions are unpleasant for us and interfere with our lives
It is very important to be able to understand people in order to understand whether it is worth listening to them
Separate the wheat from the chaff
From each opinion you need to extract only the useful, and throw the rest of the garbage out of your head! The main thing is not to let others ruin your life with their opinions. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me,” English proverb.
Assess your perspective yourself
Many famous people in childhood or youth did not show much promise, studied very mediocrely, and were ridiculed because of their appearance.
For example, teachers considered Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, and Konstantin Tsiolkovsky to be mentally retarded.
Tom Cruise changed several schools, he couldn’t read, he couldn’t comprehend the text.
Winona Ryder switched to home schooling due to ridicule and bullying from classmates.
Examples can be given endlessly. Imagine if they had listened to everyone who judged them negatively, would they have turned out the way they did? Hardly. They calmly walked towards their goal, without listening to others.
When someone criticizes you, he is not thinking about you, but first of all about himself
As a rule, people criticize those shortcomings that they do not like in themselves, or those advantages that they themselves would like to have. At these moments, they, unwittingly, reveal their secrets. A person who angrily criticizes and tries to find your shortcomings and make you look like a weakling and a loser, in fact, most of all in life is afraid that this will happen to him, and perhaps it is already happening.
Don't trust first impressions
Many people tend to change their minds very quickly. Including about you. You yourself, most likely, have changed your opinion about a person more than once. It happens that at first glance you don’t like someone, but when you get to know him better, you evaluate him completely differently.
Don't pay attention to the rudeness
If you were told something unpleasant or hurtful by people who mean nothing to you, it will not affect your life in any way. They will forget about you in 15 minutes
Should I be upset and take into account the opinion of an outsider? Hardly
Accept that everyone has different tastes
There is always a negative opinion for any phenomenon in this world. On the best films, books, paintings that you like, there will always be opposing opinions
Is it worth paying attention to them, or will the fact that someone doesn’t like it make you immediately stop loving the book or movie?
Some people just assert themselves at your expense.
By expressing their opinion, people thereby want to rise in their own eyes
They feel important and significant only when someone is criticized or taught. Will the opinion of such a person be authoritative for you? After all, at its core, this is not aimed at you, but the purpose of criticism is the desire to rise above others
Stop feeding the beast
The term “emotional vampires” was used above.
We are talking about parasitic individuals who literally feed on your attention and affection, leaving you emotionally devastated
Before you start investing your emotions in these people, think about the fact that you will end up losing all your energy. Because of this, you will not be able to take even a step towards solving their problems.
You will never be able to satisfy their thirst for your love if they are determined to feel and act like a victim.
You can offer your support to those who need it: a friend or even a stranger.
But try not to lose sight of the moment when your efforts begin to become unnecessary
Or when people calling for your help become more like rivals vying for your attention
You don't have to solve other people's problems, especially when they don't want to. They just want to be endlessly pitied. So you have to know when to leave!
When you feel that your internal resources are being depleted, just step aside and leave everything as it is. There is nothing wrong with refusing to take part in someone's contrived drama.
Tip two: remind yourself that everyone is different.
Each of us has our own values in life, so you are bound to meet people with different views on life and behavior that are different from yours. And if the manners of a colleague irritate you, this does not mean that this person is bad. It's not his fault that he annoys you - you're just different people and your life values don't match. You may also be annoying someone. Try to remember that everyone is different - this will help you stay calm. Remember that you don't have to like everyone, and learn to accept your colleagues for who they are - they won't change!
