Hello, dear readers of the KtoNaNovenkogo.ru blog. Most people believe that empathy is human capacity for empathy, but, in fact, everything is not so simple. And how can you understand who is more prone to this feeling: you or, for example, your friend?
And does empathy always have only positive qualities or can it also lead to negative consequences in relationships? If you find it difficult to accurately answer these questions, then let's study this topic in a little more detail.
What is empathy
The concept in question appeared thanks to the research of the American psychologist E. Titchener.
Empathy is a response, an acute internal reaction to the feelings and emotions of other people.
This is the ability to understand and see what is happening psychologically with an opponent, the ability to feel his experiences. Each of us has the ability to empathize; it is innate. Remember the child’s behavior: the mother laughs and he laughs, the mother bursts into tears and the child sheds tears. With age, this quality disappears or becomes less pronounced in most of us, as self-defense mechanisms against negative emotions are activated.
Empathy is activated when someone around a person experiences negative emotions: sadness, sadness, fear. A sensitive person in such a situation also begins to worry and tries to provide support.
Sensitive people react sharply to not only reality events. They know how to put themselves in the shoes of a book character or a movie hero, feel his feelings, and cry when watching the corresponding scenes.
Psychology considers two types of empaths:
- People who are good at reading the emotions and states of others, but at the same time internally remain cold and rational. Such people can be dangerous because, having studied a person, they can begin to manipulate and use another.
- Those who not only see the opponent’s psyche, but also feel his pain or confusion as their own.
The concept of the second type is the most common and is accepted as the basis. In our article we will talk about highly sensitive people who sincerely empathize with others.
Where does it come from?
Neuroscientists blame mirror neurons . These are nerve cells that interpret information received from the world around us.
For example, if there is a person standing opposite us who is sad, then the visual and auditory analyzers receive the appropriate information about this and transmit it to these neurons. Mirror neurons make their owner feel the same, but to a lesser extent.
It is the mirror cells in monkeys that force their relatives to repeat the same actions one after another (monkeying). For the same reason, we like to watch programs about luxurious life (flip through magazines about the “hard life” of celebrities).
This simply makes it possible to feel at least a moment’s joy in life, as if we were in the place of a celebrity (a given celebrity).
It is noteworthy that the development of empathy begins from birth , when the baby perceives the world around him only on an emotional level. If his mother smiles at him, he will unconsciously smile back at her (acting like an idiot).
When parents explain to an older child that they are now sad or happy for such and such a reason, this also helps the child understand how feelings work and how they can be “read” by faces, movements, words, and facial expressions.
Autism is an extremely low level of empathy in a person
By the way, one of the causes of autism is a disorder in the structure or number of mirror neurons. Therefore, it is very difficult for autists (people with almost zero empathy) to understand how people around them feel and how to interact with them.
As a result of this, the child’s socialization suffers - it is difficult for him to communicate with peers in the yard, at school, or with a salesperson in a store.
Therefore, from a very early age, such children need to be given special attention in terms of emotional development. They need to be told what is happening inside other people in terms of emotions and how it can all be “read” (by facial expressions, by gestures, by gaze).
It is also necessary to constantly ask the child how he feels; describe how it usually manifests itself externally on other people so that he can compare and contrast. Analyzing the main characters of books and films also has a beneficial effect on accelerating the path from autistic to empath.
Active listening is something that can also help develop “emotional sensitivity.” The point is that the listener asks clarifying questions to the person who is telling something. Thus, he learns more about the interlocutor, and he, in turn, opens up more. You can also switch places with your children in this “word game.”
Types of empathy in psychology
Particular sensitivity to the inner world of others is classified into the following types.
Rational or intellectual (cognitive)
In this form, the state of the individual is, first of all, subject to analysis and study. We compare a person's actions with his actions and knowledge of how people act when experiencing the corresponding emotions.
This type is based on the experience of similar experiences by humans. His facial expressions, gestures, gaze, and voice are of great importance in determining the state of another individual. From them you can tell what a person is experiencing. However, it is important to be able to “read” non-verbal symbols so as not to make mistakes.
The cognitive form of empathy helps in personal and business communications and allows you to achieve what you want by understanding the personality of your opponent.
Emotional
Based on the mechanism of mental infection. There are particularly sensitive individuals who literally read the emotional state of their interlocutor. There is a deep immersion into the inner state of another person.
Such people have a special nervous system and can experience the pain of others as their own personal tragedy. It is not surprising that they experience significant emotional and nervous overload.
Any story about a catastrophe that has occurred in the world can plunge them into a state of prolonged experience of tragedy and compassion for strangers.
Intuitive (predicative)
This type presupposes the ability to anticipate, predict the reactions and emotions of interlocutors. A person understands in advance how his partner will react to one or another of his actions.
A predictive empath not only understands the internal state, he is aware of the motives of actions. Therefore, he tries to act in such a way as not to disturb the psychological comfort of another person.
A person may have the properties of empathy of one, two or all three types. There are individuals who do not understand the moods of other people at all and do not spare their personal inner world, i.e. have no empathy.
How can an empath learn not to waste emotions in vain?
- develop the habit of not interfering in other people’s lives and not living according to someone else’s scenario;
- do not get into the soul of a person who does not ask for it, be able to accept a person for who he is, empathize and support;
- to restore internal balance and spiritual harmony, learn the practice of meditation and be able to relax, rest, and choose the most appropriate type of relaxation;
- remember that you won’t be nice to everyone, clearly outline your circle of acquaintances and limit yourself from those who only cause negative emotions and mental devastation;
- love yourself, be yourself, don’t blame yourself for trifles and don’t try to save the whole world.
What signs indicate the existence of empathy?
Signs of empathy are:
Full readiness to support
Each of us may need support and comfort. There are many difficult and unforeseen situations in life, and not everyone is ready to endure them steadfastly and adequately. Having a strong shoulder nearby, capable of not only sympathizing, but also providing real help, is one of the conditions for overcoming the crisis and minimizing psychological trauma.
A person with a high level of empathy always strives to help, to do everything in his power. He will arrive at night to give you a pill, he will rush to pick up a comrade who has gone on a spree from the police, and he will not leave a dog or other animal to die on the road.
Without receiving any return in return, such an individual still continues to do good deeds, thereby strengthening his self-esteem.
Ability to hear your interlocutor
We have met people who like to talk only about themselves and their problems. They will listen to us reluctantly and again turn the topic to their loved ones.
If there is empathy, a person notices our every word. There is not even a shadow of condemnation in it, there are no moral teachings or moralizations. Even if a morally bad act is committed, an empath will find the right words and support.
The interlocutor understands that his problems are important and significant, which means he himself is interesting and needed. A sincere person will always give real and useful advice based on what he hears.
Sincere sympathy
Empathy involves sincere and open empathy. You can give advice and help with a cold heart, without being imbued with the misfortune of another. And you can feel the pain as if it were your own.
Highly empathetic individuals can suffer no less than their wards, forget about peace and sleep until the situation is resolved. They cry when experiencing touching or tragic scenes from films, and then cannot forget them for a long time.
Stage 2: creating boundaries
We continue our own step-by-step mental analysis:
- Notice what you can tolerate from others and what you want to give up once and for all.
- In what situations can you easily give up and follow the lead of the “vampire”? Create a “panic button” in your mind - nip such moments in the bud.
- Talk openly with your loved ones. Explain why you need to be alone sometimes, talk about situations that exhaust you and put you in a bad mood.
- Come up with a plan for dealing with difficult situations. For example, your friend is in trouble and the poor guy just needs to talk it out. What will you do? Maybe it’s worth setting a time frame for such a conversation?
- Learn to say no. Practice by playing out with yourself the most common situations of your future refusals.
- An empath is a gift of listening. You can spend hours sincerely empathizing with other people's bitter stories. And as much as it becomes easier for your interlocutor, it becomes harder for you. Set a time for these “unloading” sessions for your friends. Half an hour is enough to discuss any problem.
Advice from psychologists on strengthening the ability to be compassionate
If for some reason you lack such a trait as empathy, practice the following skills:
- Get to know yourself and your feelings, reflect . In the evening, you can think about what events the day was filled with, what emotions you experienced in a given situation.
- Every word heard from another person should reach the heart, understand what the person is saying . Listen carefully.
- Become an actor . Imagine yourself in the role of this or that hero, try to understand his emotions.
- Do not refuse to help colleagues, friends or loved ones . If they ask for your advice, then listen and help.
- Pets are very good at awakening frozen empathy . Every adequate person, at the sight of kittens and puppies, has feelings of tenderness, kindness, and a desire to protect.
The main condition for the development of compassion is the ability to love, to experience kind feelings towards the whole world. If you have fear, anger, malice, and selfishness in your soul, then you won’t be able to become an empath even if you follow all the tips listed above.
Negative side
It would seem, what could be negative about understanding and feeling other people? It's like a third eye! But psychologists say that it is empaths who often turn to them for help, since they tend to often delve into and immerse themselves in the feelings of others, and this creates a strong emotional burden .
In addition, the very conscientious of them believe that they are responsible for the condition of those around them, since they are able to understand them well (unlike others). It would be nice if this only manifested itself in relation to loved ones, but they often try to help people they don’t know at all, which takes a lot of their energy and time.
In addition, many empaths are prone to altruism, so they focus more on the problems of other people and forget about their personal experiences. As a result, they remain unheard and cannot turn to others for help. They are left with someone else’s and their own negativity inside. They neglect themselves.
Problems also arise if empaths occupy some kind of leadership position. It is difficult for them to give harsh instructions or negative assessments of the work of subordinates, because they know how negatively this is perceived by them (in fact, they will flog themselves in this way). Therefore, such bosses can make concessions, knowing the specifics of a particular person.
Empathic thinking forces you to pay a lot of attention to the context (emotional background) of the conversation, and not just its essence. Such people always try to understand (get to the bottom of) what a person really wanted to say or do. This develops a trait called suspiciousness and leads to spending a lot of time thinking about unimportant details.
for compassionate empaths to watch news on TV and on the Internet, because they filter everything through themselves and take it to heart. The same can be said about relationships: friendly and loving. They are too sympathetic, and not every heart can withstand universal sadness.
Positive and negative sides of empathy
In the article, we have already talked about the positive aspects of empathy: success in negotiations, a positive emotional climate at home and at work, and good self-esteem.
But, like any thing, empathy has a reverse, “dark” side, namely:
- Strong emotional and nervous stress . A person constantly passes through the problems and pain of others as if it were his own business. He suffers, worries, wastes his energy and emotions.
- Strong empaths take responsibility for everything in the world . They believe that they are obligated to help everyone, and if this does not work out, they feel guilty. The desire to help extends not only to family and friends, but also to strangers.
- A person suffers from an extreme degree of altruism, i.e. helps another to the detriment of oneself . In this regard, their problems and troubles accumulate, and, as a rule, no one is in a hurry to help.
In addition, high empaths simply physically cannot say rudeness in response to rudeness and hurt the person who offended them. Therefore, sometimes people give the impression of being weak and weak-willed, although this is not at all the case.
Many people use this feature when solving personal issues. There are very few true HSPs (highly sensitive people) and they need to be protected.
Rules for controlling the ability to empathize
In psychology there is a concept called “empathic fatigue.” It affects people whose jobs involve compassion and empathy every day: medical personnel, social service workers, rescuers. Faced with blood, pain and death every day, such people experience emotional empathic burnout syndrome.
If a person feels that he is an HSP and is gradually becoming emotionally exhausted, then preventive measures should be taken on “mental hygiene”.
You should learn to control and restrain your emotions. Move from identical suffering to rational help. Try to help the person in a detached manner, without letting his grief pass through you.
Empaths tend to be embarrassed to ask for help themselves. There is no need to do this. If you are in trouble, find yourself in a difficult situation, or just need someone to cry to, then feel free to contact people. You have helped many, let them help you too. It will happen that your imaginary loved ones will not want to sympathize, analyze whether you are wasting your life on people who will not tear themselves away from the sofa for you. Think rationally!
Avoid watching programs that will evoke emotions of sadness and compassion. Your films are comedies!
To gain energy, follow the banal rules: get enough sleep, spend time in nature, eat right.
Stage 1: Awareness of reactions to other people's feelings
An empath is a person who feels the emotions of other people as their own. Your work should start with the following:
- Determine when and at what moments you are especially susceptible to the influence of other people's feelings.
- Analyze what emotions you feel in society: fear, depression, tension, or maybe a desire to impress with your gift?
- Identify the so-called emotional vampires in your social circle. These are personality types such as dictators, excessive egoists, critics, victims, hysterical people. They are the ones who are dangerous to an empath. Reduce communication with them to a minimum or stop friendship altogether. The next paragraph will tell you how to do this.
How is empathy diagnosed?
Diagnosis of the level of empathy is carried out using tests, the number of which is huge today. These tests are available to anyone on the Internet.
The technology for determining the level of empathy is identical for all tests: a series of questions are proposed that must be answered honestly (after all, no one can see you). Based on the results of the answers, the level of empathy will be assessed.
The most common is the express method of I. Yusupov. Its essence lies in the assessment of several judgments that, at first glance, are not related to empathy. For example: “Young people must satisfy any eccentricities of old people,” “A person gets out of a difficult conflict situation on his own,” etc. Based on the answers, a conclusion will be drawn about the level of empathy.
