The term “narcissism” first appeared when it was used by the British scientist H. Alice. He described a form of defective personality disorder and correlated it with the well-known legend of Narcissus, who lived during the times of Ancient Greece. He loved himself so much that he was cursed and died.
A little later, Sigmund Freud decided to consider the narcissistic personality type. The famous psychoanalyst created a theory according to which narcissistic syndrome manifests itself to one degree or another in every person, including his sexual behavior. He suggested that every child feels more narcissistic in their youth. Thus, narcissism is an integral part of the character of any person. According to Freud, this form of behavior is not capable of causing harm to others, but only on condition that the child develops in a correct and harmonious way.
Who is Narcissus
When considering the concept of narcissistic mechanisms, it is first worth paying attention to the origins of the word itself. As mentioned at the beginning, according to legend, a certain young man named Narcissus was so in love with himself that he did not hesitate to revel in his splendor. The guy enjoyed communicating with young girls, who spoke with delight about his amazing appearance. However, he himself never listened to those around him and did not try to think about how they felt.
One day Narcissus was spending time on the bank of a stream and suddenly saw his own reflection in the water. He fell so in love with his beauty that he simply could not tear himself away from his image. The guy was gradually drying up from hunger and thirst. As a result, he died.
After his death, in the place where he admired himself, flowers of unusual beauty began to grow, which began to be called daffodils. Since then, this name has become a household name. The behavior of the ancient Greek handsome man fully describes the characteristics of people who today are commonly called narcissistic personalities.
This means inflated self-esteem and excessive self-love. This term is a complete reflection of a person’s tendency to excessive narcissism.
Pathogenesis
The concept of narcissism comes from Greek mythology. The legend about a young man named Narcissus, a symbol of pride and narcissism, tells how he saw his reflection in a source and fell in love with it so much that he experienced the pangs of love, could neither eat nor drink, and died in suffering, but on the spot After his death, a beautiful flower, Narcissus, grew.
Plant of the amaryllis family Narcissus lat. Narcissus
In general, people prone to narcissism are characterized by pride and selfishness, a tendency toward perfectionism, and a focus on personal individuality and grandeur. Their main task is to acquire status attributes, organize and maintain personal significance, self-esteem and admiration by receiving confirmation from others. Such individuals are not just sensitive to remarks or praise, they are preoccupied with how others treat them, experience anxiety and deep inner feelings caused by unreasonable feelings of deception and lack of love. Despite the first favorable impression, it is not possible to maintain long-term strong ties.
The locus of control of narcissists is usually self-esteem, and the experience that this is beyond his control causes the level of anxiety to increase and provokes a further increase in symptoms. For such patients, it is very important to surround yourself with people who know how to support him, feed his significance, while other aspects of relationships and especially the ability to love seem unimportant, not significant and not necessary. Despite their high need for an admiring audience and an adoring environment, narcissists feel only superficial feelings of love for them. Jealousy is also unfamiliar to them; it can arise only after a breakup, when the patient, losing his partner, loses the mirror that serves as his reflection.
The narcissistic personality is characterized by a devaluation of almost everything in the world; only that which is associated exclusively with his “I” can be idealized, and the concept of the “ideal I” is not fully developed and the idea of the “super-I” is completely absent. They have a negative, disdainful attitude towards any non-ideal objects, and enthusiastic feelings towards everything important that concerns the narcissist’s personality. There is a tendency to a diametric change in perception; everything that seemed ideal can suddenly become insignificant.
general information
Narcissistic individuals strive to always be the center of attention of others. They must show everyone how exceptional and individual they are.
Psychologists have been studying this human condition for many years. Experts are showing a huge amount of interest in him, because many of them are concerned about how psychologically well people of this type are.
The fact is that very often such selfish natures, who seem to be 100% confident in themselves, actually hide a completely different personality under this bright shell. Very often in psychological practice there are cases in which it becomes clear that egoists have a huge number of complexes, which they simply try to compensate for by oppressing others. In this case we are talking about the covert narcissistic type.
In psychology, many questions arise regarding this term and the disorder itself. Is narcissism a way to hide your fears? Or is it a person’s innate confidence in his own impeccability? It is still very difficult to answer this question to this day. However, there is a lot of useful information that will help you understand this interesting personality type in more detail.
Success
Narcissistic people are often successful in life. They occupy high positions and earn a lot, since the status also confirms their self-worth. Inverted narcissists may not be successful themselves. But they try to get married in such a way that their spouse will provide them well or give them status.
At the same time, the inverted narcissist will strive to confirm his own success in front of those whom he considers inferior to himself. For example, the wives of rich people may have a lot of plastic surgery and consider other women simpletons. Or they may believe that they have a very rich inner world. At the same time, the description of one’s merits is often accompanied by contempt for those who do not possess them.
The desire for success and achievement is an undoubted advantage of this personality type. Other personality types often must develop their narcissistic side to achieve financial success. Another advantage of this personality type is its practicality and business approach to solving problems.
How to recognize a narcissist
Any person in a normal state experiences tender feelings towards himself. However, for some individuals such narcissism simply begins to go off scale. Such people are in continuous self-admiration. In this case, we are already talking about pathological narcissistic personality disorder.
An egoist is a person who is interested exclusively in his own person. At the same time, he completely ignores the interests and desires of others. In this case, we are talking about the possibility of self-affirmation at the expense of completely different people.
The most striking characteristic of a narcissistic person is an exaggerated and overly exaggerated sense of self-esteem and love for oneself. However, speaking about such individuals, one should not exclude another important aspect. You need to understand that the narcissist's ultimate goal is self-satisfaction.
It would be logical to assume that any person strives for this. However, the narcissist will be ready for any tricks and will go over their heads just to stroke their pride. Very often in psychology a parallel is drawn between egoism and narcissism. Also, some experts attribute this behavior to psychopathy. Accordingly, in this case, narcissism is the definition of one of the scales of the psychopathic state, which is used in the process of research activities. There are 12 signs of a narcissistic personality type. They help to quickly identify an egoist. It is worth familiarizing yourself with them in more detail.
"God Complex"
The world is changing quickly, the media broadcasts a very high speed of life, and internal norms are blurring. Sociologists and psychologists have noted that in times of rapid change, sincerity and honesty are less valued.
Narcissists have a rigid Superego. These people are “subjectively empty.” They worry because they don't fit into the general circle. Image replaces essence. For example, regardless of personal preferences, narcissists will form for others, and primarily for themselves, a brilliant, glossy picture of their life according to the canons that currently exist in certain social circles. At the same time, deep down, they may not share these positions.
Some psychologists have written about the “God complex” of narcissists. The authors described fantasies about omnipotence, attempts to judge others, and permissiveness was noted.
A narcissist can be a self-confident and arrogant person. When it comes to strategies used when interacting with other people, the narcissist anticipates an attack from other people by attacking them.
Narcissistic personalities are characterized by problems of identity and self-esteem. These may be requests for working with a psychologist.
Cause of Narcissism
In this case, we are not talking about a congenital disorder. People become narcissists as they mature and become more aware of themselves as individuals. This means that at some point a failure occurs and the person decides to develop only certain characteristics.
As a person grows up, he must learn to be responsible and independent. At the same time, his capriciousness and selfishness develops. However, in a narcissistic child, all positive character traits fade into the background. There is an exaggerated development of selfishness. Accordingly, such character traits begin to develop from early childhood.
There is also a theory that genetics influences the development of this disorder to some extent. Of course, if the narcissist's parents are also very selfish individuals, then there is a high probability that their child will grow up to be just as narcissistic. Therefore, in order to prevent the baby from starting to cultivate narcissistic personality traits, you need to pay attention to him. Parenting requires enormous effort on the part of parents.
Narcissistic personality: relationships with others
Love, intimacy, closeness presuppose vulnerability, imperfection, humanity. In close relationships it is very difficult to “appear” to be someone, and in sexual interactions it is impossible to remain ideal or perfect. The narcissist, like no one else, needs other people, but his love for them is superficial.
It is extremely important for a person with a narcissistic personality to learn to accept other people as they are, without exploitation, to patiently learn to “just” be with others, to express genuine feelings without shame. What is important to mention here is that while the narcissist will think that he is completely fine, there is something wrong with his partner.
— How to behave in such a way that my boyfriend appreciates every minute spent with me?
- If you value every minute you spend with him, then there is a chance that he will too. And, conversely, if you are concerned that he appreciates every minute spent with you, then the likelihood that this will happen is reduced.
From a therapeutic conversation
If you discover narcissistic traits in yourself, and it seems to you that your loved one is not what he should be, then there is a high probability that in fact the problem is not with him, but with you.
Ask yourself: am I capable of emotional intimacy, which involves vulnerability, trust, imperfection? Are you ready to live with a real person, with your own shortcomings and limitations? Is it easy for me to admit my own shortcomings, limitations and mistakes, to regret and ask for forgiveness, to apologize or to thank?
The most noticeable behavioral traits of a narcissist are devaluing other people or, conversely, endowing others with fantastic qualities. This is associated with envy, since by ridiculing and despising, the narcissist tries to destroy what the other has.
As soon as I found out that her second husband received a salary of only 40 thousand rubles, I immediately lost interest in the question of how she found a husband for her second marriage.
From a personal conversation
Sometimes people with a narcissistic personality type idealize, “put on a pedestal” someone else - a colleague, a mentor, a hero, a loved one, feeling fulfilled by identifying with this person. But since no one is perfect, periodically pedestals collapse, then new ones are erected again. The more imperfect a narcissist feels deep down, the more compensatingly exaggerated his ideals will be.
Such a man writes to me on social networks, so intricately, and helps me with my work, but incognito. This is great!
*over time*
I found out who it was, the most ordinary guy with banal photos and a banal story. All the admiration passed in about three minutes...
From a personal conversation
Issues of power are of interest to the narcissist from the point of view of external status, the opportunity to have an impressive “title”. Moreover, either oneself be called a high-profile or respectable position, or be with a status personality.
My mother even calls me by my patronymic name in private conversations.
From a personal conversation
The ability to gain self-acceptance without devaluing or belittling oneself or others appears as a result of patient and long-term work, which includes: observing and recording one’s own negative feelings - envy, dissatisfaction with oneself, the inability to regret and apologize to others, stopping attempts to immediately compensate for them with the help of self-confidence, vanity or feelings of superiority.
Then you need to matter-of-factly admit the existence of human imperfections, and allow yourself to be nonjudgmentally realistic about your own and others’ weaknesses.
The need for self-affirmation in a person with a narcissistic personality organization can persist throughout life and can be oriented in a constructive direction. It is thanks to such examples that beautiful and perfect things are created in the world.
If the area of close relationships is chosen for self-affirmation, then these are often stories of amazing romances with beautiful courtship at the beginning and painful breaks at the end. At first, a narcissistic man earns admiration for his wonderful deeds, but after achieving a woman, he becomes indifferent.
I have already done everything for him - I lost weight, sold the house, bought another home, but he is again dissatisfied, gloomy and cold. How can I return to the past, when there were flowers and courtship, and it seemed to me that we were happy...
From conversations with the wives of narcissistic men
Intimacy is the erasing of boundaries, imperfection, lack of weapons, that is, everything that is scary, incomprehensible, difficult or boring for a narcissist. After all, if you open up, then his inner emptiness, insignificance, imperfection, and weakness may become apparent.
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How to prevent the development of narcissism
Since this disorder begins to affect a person from early childhood, it is necessary to adhere to some recommendations that will help raise a worthy person from a child.
First of all, you need to be able to praise your child and prove your love to him. However, you should not rejoice at any of his actions. Praise should only be given if the child has actually done something significant. If parents admire everything their baby does every second, then this is what can lead to an exaggerated sense of their own exclusivity in this world.
Psychologists recommend that parents, when proving their tender feelings to their children, never say phrases like “I love you because you are so smart, beautiful, etc.” In order for a child to feel loved and desired, it is enough to simply acknowledge the fact that he is loved. There is no need to constantly instill in him the feeling that he can only be loved for certain qualities. Also, you should not completely try to fulfill all the wishes and whims of the baby. If he constantly gets everything he wants, then in adult life the child will expect the same attitude towards himself from the world around him.
Experts also recommend not exaggerating your child’s achievements in one area or another. If he studies well, there is no need to say that he is an excellent student, etc. Such an unjustified overestimation of self-esteem can negatively affect the child’s correct perception of the world.
To prevent the development of symptoms of narcissistic disorder, it is necessary to eliminate the attitude towards the child as the center of the universe. He must understand that other household members also need attention and care. You need to instill in him these feelings, and not just focus your life on his desires.
However, one should not go to extremes. If a child is ignored or even tried to humiliate him psychologically, then this may well lead to the opposite effect. If he develops too many complexes in early childhood, he will eventually develop a narcissistic defense. He will behave selfishly because he has not received the love and attention he deserves.
It is necessary to teach the child to be sociable. If he is walking on the playground with other kids, he must treat them with respect and not react aggressively if someone makes this or that remark to him. By instilling these character traits, you can be sure that the child will grow up to be a decent person.
Application of the diagnosis of narcissism
To work with narcissists, a psychologist must be patient. It is important to understand that this is not a quick process. The specialist will have to endure reactions of boredom and countertransferences.
Confrontation of grandiosity is necessary to bring the client back into his life. The vulnerability of narcissistic clients must be taken into account here.
Accepting human imperfection is quite a challenge for narcissists. We resist change. It's important to acknowledge this.
Admitting their own mistakes is also a labor-intensive process for narcissists.
The insincere compliance of narcissists is often present both in the psychologist’s work with them and in relationships with other people. They cannot stand situations where their self-esteem decreases. Failures are not always acknowledged. They run from their mistakes and hide from those who might discover them.
The psychologist's task will be to increase awareness and honesty in such clients.
But excessive shame can lead to refusal of the session or the desire to hide something from the psychologist. Such clients are ashamed to ask for something. It is difficult for them to perceive the deficiency of their own “I”.
Narcissists do not directly ask, which is seen as humiliation. When working with them, it is important to articulate their needs.
How narcissism manifests itself based on gender
Most people are sure that narcissism is a trait that is characteristic exclusively of women. However, you need to understand that if a girl looks in the mirror for a long time, this does not mean that she suffers from a personality disorder. You need to understand that among representatives of the fair sex, such pathology manifests itself in a slightly different form.
For example, if, when building a relationship with a representative of the opposite sex, she gives preference not to the guy she likes best, but to the one who indulges her whims more, then in this case we are talking about selfishness and excessive ambition.
Often in women, narcissistic traits appear during the period when their partners have a small child. As a rule, in this case, the mother begins to try to realize all unfulfilled dreams through the baby. She is so proud of him that this pride rubs off on her. The mother believes that only thanks to her the baby achieved success. Therefore, very often on the playground you can hear conversations of young mothers who proudly talk about the achievements of their children.
If we consider male narcissism, then, as a rule, this type of disorder is most clearly manifested in adolescence. If a guy stands in front of the mirror for a long time and pays too much attention to his hair, body, etc., then this is a manifestation of narcissism.
If we are talking about men who have already established themselves as husbands and fathers, then in this case it is worth paying attention to their behavior with children. As a rule, such people begin to spend less time with their children, because they experience a very strong feeling of jealousy, realizing that the place of the “center of the universe” is now occupied by a new family member. Typically, when narcissists start families, the personality disorder begins to move to a new level. As a rule, they rarely communicate with their loved ones and relatives, because they are sure that the whole world should revolve only around them.
If the narcissist was never able to find his soulmate, then over the years he will gradually begin to understand that perhaps he is not as irresistible as he might have thought before. However, very often you can find 40-year-old bachelors who are absolutely unclaimed by representatives of the opposite sex, who still continue to claim that they are simply in search of an ideal that could match them.
There are 3 types of narcissism - here's how to recognize them
- Narcissistic personality disorder is a single diagnosis, but it combines three types of narcissism.
- People with these disorders are classified into categories based on how they interact and treat other people.
- Some experts believe that identifying a person's type of narcissism can make a relationship possible, while others believe that it is the best way to maintain clarity in a relationship.
To be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, a person must exhibit at least five of nine specific characteristics.
People with these disorders have low levels of empathy, an exaggerated sense of self, and a need for admiration. Many narcissists live by similar patterns of behavior, such as flattery, manipulativeness and abandonment of people who do not benefit them, but at the same time they can behave in very different ways.
Many psychotherapists and therapists divide narcissists into three different categories based on three types of actions: openness, closedness, and toxicity.
According to Elinor Greenberg, a therapist who wrote the book Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Need for Love, Admiration, and Security, the form of a person's narcissism depends largely on upbringing.
Overt narcissists are a stereotype
For example, overt (or pretentious) narcissists have the “look at me” mentality that children often have.
Children don't immediately learn how to understand their parents' problems, "so they lack empathy in that regard," Greenberg says. “If you outgrow this stage of life with a normal level of attention, then you can overcome this barrier.”
But some people, she says, grow up in families where children are raised in a narcissistic manner - for example, their family members may position them as special and argue that they deserve success because "it's in their blood."
An overt narcissist is the stereotypical image of a narcissist, says Shannon Thomas, a licensed clinical social worker who wrote the book Healing Covert Abuse.
"They think they're incredible—they find themselves smarter, more attractive, and stronger than other people, and they truly believe it," she told Business Insider. "Even when they're with friends or close colleagues, they put themselves one step above."
Overt narcissists are not insecure, Thomas argues. If they don't praise themselves, they try to humiliate someone else. They are often rude, inconsiderate, and mean to other people. They choose to ignore or not even notice how others react to their actions.”
Closed narcissists have different personality traits
Some people with narcissistic personality disorder grow up in families where they had to constantly compete for love or in families where they were constantly thwarted, Greenberg says, in such cases, people receive approval only when they themselves are admired.
Closed (or covert) narcissists want to be special, but this causes them internal conflict. Like overt narcissists, closed narcissists also feel incredibly special, but they are much more vulnerable.
“Covert narcissists don’t directly say that they are special,” says Greenberg. “They choose someone else—a person, a religion, a book, a clothing designer—that they consider special, and then begin to feel a sense of personal specialness when interacting with them.”
She also added: “When someone feels special because they wear designer clothes, others define it as an associative feature. Closed narcissists often lack self-confidence, so they look for someone they can idealize.”
Their behavior can often be described as passive-aggressive. For example, they try to keep their love partners in constant disappointment. They may promise something and then not deliver in order to enjoy the reaction of others.
“They do what they want, when they want,” Thomas says, “and then they try to make themselves look like the victim.”
By constantly saying one thing and doing something completely different, people with a closed type of narcissism drive people close to them to the point of insanity, forcing them to doubt the reality of what is happening and their own adequacy. Closed narcissists may accuse their partners of things they never did, but their partners may easily believe their words because their own reality begins to become distorted.
While open narcissists are quite consistent in their actions, closed narcissists may exhibit different personality traits. In certain situations, they may behave differently - in public they may present themselves as charismatic and sweet, but in relationships with their own partners - cruel and evil, which causes them even more uncertainty.
Toxic narcissists crave chaos and destruction.
Toxic (or malignant) narcissists take it up another notch. They not only crave attention to themselves, but also want others to feel subordinate. They are sadistic and enjoy other people's pain.
“Toxic narcissists are like the Ice Queen from Snow White,” says Greenberg. “When the mirror says that Snow White is more beautiful than her, the ice queen decides to kill Snow White and hide her heart in a box.”
Toxic narcissists find it incredibly exciting to inspire people and then watch them fail. Thomas calls this behavior an additional layer of sadistic behavior.
“This type of narcissism borders on antisocial personality disorder,” she says. “People who enjoy destroying other people's careers feel great about destroying other people emotionally, physically or spiritually.”
Toxic narcissists tend to be surrounded by chaos, Thomas says, so they enjoy bringing chaos into other people's lives.
“Harmony is not their goal,” she says. “We are very worried about its abundance, but they, on the contrary, receive energy during its deficiency. That is why such people often provoke problems and drama in the lives of others. They always say they hate drama, but they always end up in the middle of it."
Relationships with narcissists can be risky
People with narcissistic personality disorder suffer from a lack of consistency. This means that, for example, when they express anger towards their partner, they do not see it in the context of the relationship and continue to demonstrate hatred or a desire to hurt their partner.
This makes relationships with narcissists—whether romantic, familial, or professional—very draining.
Greenberg argues that it is possible to build relationships with narcissists if you identify their type of narcissism and understand how it functions. Many relationship experts, one way or another, argue that it is better to stay away from narcissists.
However, it's entirely your decision, so it's worth doing some research on what you're getting into first.
businessinsider.com, translation: Artemy Kaidash
Types of Narcissistic Disorder
It is immediately worth noting that modern psychoanalysts continue to consider this so-called pathology to this day. Narcissism is still quite a mysterious phenomenon and is being studied by scientists around the world. However, several varieties of this personality disorder have already been identified.
Narcissism happens:
- Constructive. In this case, we are talking about a state when a person is characterized by completely adequate self-esteem and narcissism. This means that the person loves himself to a fairly high degree, but at the same time he is still able to interact with the world around him. However, due to increased self-confidence, when pressure is applied from others, a person can behave quite aggressively.
- Destructive. With this type of narcissistic character, a person experiences much more serious mental disorders. In this case, the person is not able to really assess his own importance, as well as achievements. People of this type pathologically need their importance to be confirmed every minute by the world around them.
- Scarce. This form of narcissism is expressed in the fact that a person is not able to evaluate himself as a holistic person. This type of disorder is different from the previous ones. Such people are very dependent on the opinions of others. Therefore, they behave selfishly because they believe that in this case society will respect them more.
- Perverse. In this case we are talking about a so-called malignant condition. A person can be overcome by completely inadequate, sometimes even obsessive, ideas. Such people behave aggressively in the most unexpected situations. They are also characterized by somatic disorders.
Characteristics of the narcissistic personality type
These are people whose lives are organized around self-esteem through validation from other people. With this behavior they pursue the goal of feeling satisfied with their own personality. For such people, approval from significant others is very important. This affects their self-esteem. For narcissists, this is one of the leading tasks, and the person is absorbed exclusively in himself. But it is important to note that excessive self-concern is different from normal sensitivity to approval or criticism from other people.
For example, you may simply be uncomfortable with someone saying unpleasant things to you. And narcissists will “savor” it, remember it for a long time and be offended.
Is narcissism a disease or a personality trait?
On the one hand, this syndrome can really be regarded as a human characteristic. This is explained by the fact that, according to many teachings, selfishness is characteristic of any person from the moment of his birth into this world. However, on the other hand, we are talking about a complete personality disorder, since a person begins to perceive himself as something higher and more significant than those around him. If we are talking about progressive narcissism, then in this case it is, of course, a disease that can turn an individual’s existence into an unbearable life, as well as negatively affect his entire environment.
If a particular person has excessive narcissism, then in this case it is necessary to contact a psychologist who will help him learn to perceive himself in a normal way. We are, of course, talking about narcissistic personality disorder, which can be treated adequately. If the therapy is successful, then the person has a chance for a normal life.
There is also a theory that narcissism is a behavioral defect. However, there are many other opinions. For example, some experts describe narcissism as a syndrome. Accordingly, these scientists consider this state of the human psyche from the point of view of psychoanalysis. Sigmund Freud proved that such manifestations are characteristic of any person.
However, it is worth noting that earlier in their research, scientists simply did not consider the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder as a dangerous condition. However, over time, everything has changed. Today, narcissism is indeed becoming not even a disorder, but a full-fledged mental illness. Moreover, in this case we are talking about a pathology that can lead to a rather dangerous condition. For example, if a narcissist does not feel satisfied and does not see that others admire him, then in this case he may fall into deep depression.
Based on this, you need to take this problem very seriously and consider ways to solve it.
Object relations
Interactions with other people are overloaded with the problem of self-esteem. Narcissists have an awareness that there is something wrong in their relationships with others.
One of the main tasks that a psychologist can help improve during a session is to teach how to express true feelings and not devalue them. This is intimacy.
Reality and morality demand from others who they are and what they need (self objects).
Narcissists have an underdeveloped capacity for love. They are able to experience warm feelings for another person, but it can be difficult for them to build relationships. A private psychologist can help with this.
Satisfying personal needs is a top priority for narcissists. It would seem that this is common to everyone, and many can be called selfish, however...
Narcissists often have conflicting messages to other people. They may not directly ask for a relationship, but the need for it remains. The need for love is great.
Diagnostics
If we consider narcissistic character as a disease, then any diagnostic measures will be the same as when a person develops a pathology. First of all, the specialist conducts an external examination of the potential patient. After this, a so-called structured interview is conducted, which helps the psychiatrist or psychologist analyze the answers, as well as the person’s behavioral characteristics. After this, the specialist can compare all the data obtained, evaluate the psychology of the narcissistic personality and come to the conclusion whether this psychological disorder is dangerous or is just a slightly exaggerated feature of a particular patient.
As a rule, selfishness is quite easily revealed after the first conversation. Usually a person with such a defect categorically denies having such a problem. Making a diagnosis is complicated by the fact that the patient reacts inadequately to the specialist’s recommendations and behaves quite harshly when criticized. However, the doctor must carry out all the necessary tests in order to exclude the possibility of antisocial behavior or pathology that begins to border on hysterical disorder.
You need to understand that a person with a narcissistic personality type is, by and large, a sick patient. Therefore, it is understandable that he does not understand that he is suffering from some unpleasant pathology that he needs to exclude. By and large, this condition can be compared to alcoholism. However, as in the case of drinking strong drinks, this problem must be solved immediately.
Development of the concept of narcissism
The beginnings of the distinction between libidinal and destructive narcissism can be found in the history of the development of the concept of narcissism. From the very beginning, two themes ran in counterpoint to the discussion of clinical narcissism. One is narcissism as a defense against unfavorable object relations; the other is narcissism as a manifestation of fundamental hostility to object relations. Even the original Narcissus myth exists in two versions: one giving a solipsistic account, the other a traumatic explanation. In Ovid's famous retelling, Narcissus pays for the fact that he considers everyone but himself unworthy of his love; but Pausanias knew another version, in which Narcissus lost his twin sister and mistakes his reflection in the pond for this lost sister.
A useful but inaccurate generalization can be made that Freud's line of thought leads us to the concept of libidinal narcissism, while Abraham's ideas, which actually predate Freud's, lead to the concept of destructive narcissism. Freud made it clear that he considered secondary narcissism to be a means of preserving or restoring love when object love seems impossible, whereas Abraham emphasized hostility towards transference objects in narcissistic disorders. Freud described self-love as a substitute for mother-love in narcissistic characters; Abraham believed that envy promotes narcissism and delays object love.
From the very beginning, Abraham associated self-absorption with “negativism.” “The negativism of dementia praecox (schizophrenia) is the very opposite of transference,” he wrote in the first psychoanalytic article on the topic (Abraham, 1908, p. 71). Abraham first noted this in a letter to Freud, with whom he had yet to meet in person. Abraham suggested that, unlike hysteria, “dementia praecox destroys the human capacity for sexual transference, that is, for object love” (Abraham, 1908, p. 69). The term “narcissism” had not yet come into use at that time, and Abraham spoke of autoeroticism. He believed that a person with schizophrenia turns away from all objects of love, returning instead to autoeroticism. Freud was certainly impressed and convinced of the validity of Abraham's theory.
Freud adopted and developed the term narcissism from Paul Nacke and Havelock Ellis, who used it to describe a person who treats his body as a sexual object. Freud's own development of the concept of narcissism began with a footnote he added in 1910 to Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality (Freud, 1905d) describing narcissistic object relations. Discussing homosexual men, Freud wrote:
“in early childhood [they] experienced a short-term but very intense fixation on a woman (usually their mother), after overcoming which they identify themselves with the woman and choose themselves as their sexual object. That is, out of narcissism, they look for young men like themselves, whom they could love as their mother loved them” (Freud, 1905d, pp. 144–145 fn.).
In the article “On Narcissism,” dating from 1914 (1914c), Freud further develops the idea of this desire for the ideal of mother-infant love. Usually falling in love, in his opinion, drains the ego in favor of the object, whose mutual love is the only means of healing this hemorrhage of the libido. Those unfortunate people whose love is unrequited are deprived not only of the love of another, but also of self-love, and therefore suffer from pain and loss of self-respect. However, secondary narcissism, according to Freud, arises only when there is some obstacle to the fulfillment of object love for internal reasons. He wrote:
“the satisfaction of love is impossible, and the enrichment of the ego can again be ensured only by the withdrawal of libido from objects. The return of the object libido to the ego and its transformation into narcissism represents, as it were, happy love again; on the other hand, it is also true that true happy love corresponds to an original state in which object libido and ego libido are indistinguishable” (Freud, 1914c, pp. 99–100).
Suddenly, in this last sentence, Freud makes us understand that the accomplished libidinal narcissist is in love with himself in the same way that someone can be “in love” with another person. But is this really another person if “happy love corresponds to an original state in which object libido and ego libido are indistinguishable”? Here Freud suggests that this "primordial" - "happy love" - is essentially narcissistic object love, regardless of whether it unfolds with another person in the external world or turns out to be a love affair with the self in the internal world. In both situations, whether the object is external or internal, a positive attitude is determined by the elimination of the difference.
If this is true, the “narcissistic state” is not simply a withdrawal from external objects to an internal object. This is a special type of internal object relation in which the separate existence and intrinsic qualities of the internal object are denied and an internal narcissistic relation is created through projective identification. This sounds like a description of the ideal relationship between the self and the ego-ideal, replacing the relationship between the ego and the superego: inner twin souls united by narcissistic love, which may make the ego's need for that superego love that Freud believed to be redundant a necessary condition of life. Isn't the narcissistic state a deviation from the superego? Do not narcissistic object relations serve as an alternative to the superego's desire for love? And in this case, is it not fear of a hostile Super-Ego or envy of a powerful, impeccable Super-Ego that prompts them? I was convinced of the validity of this assumption by a number of cases, one of which I will describe later in this chapter.
Following Abraham's discussion of narcissism, we find ourselves exploring a theme that will reach its logical conclusion in Rosenfeld's concept of destructive narcissism. In his 1908 article, Abraham associates the shift from object love to autoeroticism in dementia praecox with the negativism of patients. In the following approach to the topic, he suggests that the excessive self-esteem of some patients is accompanied by contempt and hostility towards their love objects. In his article on premature ejaculation (Abraham, 1917), Abraham describes narcissism as a source of sexual resistance: “their object love is very imperfect. Their true love object is themselves. In accordance with Freud's opinion, we find /.../ a particularly high and abnormally emotional evaluation of the penis." Abraham goes further and connects this phallic narcissism with a hostile contempt for women: “he takes revenge on every woman for the disappointments of love to which his mother subjected him in childhood” (ibid., p. 297). In his work on the psychogenesis of melancholia, he describes clinical narcissism as existing in both positive and negative forms: positive when it manifests itself as self-admiration, and negative when it manifests itself as self-denigration (Abraham, 1924).
Two years after his description of phallic narcissism, Abraham writes the first article in which narcissistic disorder is described as a concept with psychoanalytic meaning and confirmed by clinical practice (Abraham, 1919). In this article he discusses a small group of patients who are unable to follow the rules of the psychoanalytic method, although they seem to succeed in doing so (Abraham, 1919, pp. 304–305).
This 1919 article by Abraham became the starting point for Rosenfeld's first major article on narcissistic disorders (Rosenfeld, 1964). It also influenced two important papers published in 1936 linking Abraham's description of narcissistic character disorder to negative therapeutic response. One of them belonged to Joan Riviere, and the other to Karen Horney. Riviere's (1936) article introduces Klein's new theory of the depressive position and manic defense into the previous understanding of negative reactions in analysis, and adds to it the author's concept of “defensive organizations.” Horney (1936) emphasizes the compulsive rivalry of such patients with the analyst, as well as their demand for unconditional love. They need this love to withstand a double anxiety: the anxiety associated with the awareness and expression of their own hostility, as well as the anxiety associated with external retribution.
Rosenfeld took up and developed Horney's description of the patient's reaction to the analyst's work and Riviere's (1936) concept of defensive organizations. He developed his own theory of the "narcissistic organization" in the personality, which is opposed to true object relations and achieves the patient's devotion through seduction, control and tyranny.
Rosenfeld believed that it is important to distinguish between narcissistic states in which the libidinal aspects predominate and those in which the destructive aspects of narcissism predominate. Although in the first, libidinal case, when the narcissistic belief system is damaged, envy, resentment and revenge do flare up, analysis improves understanding and weakens negativism. However, with predominantly destructive narcissism, envy is more intense and less recognized, and an overwhelming desire to destroy the analyst or the self arises. In this destructive case, as Rosenfeld notes, “death is idealized as the solution to all problems” (Rosenfeld, 1987, pp. 106–107).
Hannah Segal notes that she differs from Rosenfeld on the issue of distinguishing between destructive and libidinal narcissism: in her opinion, there is only destructive narcissism. However, she also limits the scope of the term “narcissism” to that force in narcissistic organizations that is fundamentally hostile to object relations: “in narcissism, life-giving relationships and healthy self-love are equally attacked,” she writes. “Envy and narcissism are like two sides of the same coin” (Segal, 1997, pp. 75, 85). Self-love—and, by implication, Freud's description of the “happy love” of narcissistic relationships—Segal categorizes as life instincts, which he considers to be fundamentally object-loving rather than narcissistic. Within the framework of her definition of narcissism as a force directed against object relations in the individual, I completely agree with Segal. But if we talk about narcissistic disorders, I believe that they include a whole range of phenomena - destructive, libidinal, and protective.
John Steiner covers them with his broader concept of “pathological organizations”: in his opinion, defenses in them are combined with destructive and libidinal narcissistic forces (Steiner, 1987). Understanding that narcissistic systems are inevitably driven by mixed motives, he does not consider it necessary to separate them (personal communication with J. Steiner). Nevertheless, in my opinion, whatever the set of motives and however varied, at any given moment the main motive is either libidinal/protective or hostile/destructive. The formation of narcissistic object relations may be motivated by the desire to preserve the capacity for love by giving the love object a semblance of self, or it may be aimed at the annihilation of the object as a representative of otherness. Aggression can be generated either by predominantly defensive or predominantly destructive narcissism. But there is a difference between the struggle to hold on to love and the unbridled violence of hostility towards objects. In the public sphere, war may be defensive, and patriotic aggression may be love misdirected, but genocide never is: it is caused by the desire to annihilate otherness, emanating from the xenocidal impulse.
To illustrate my understanding of this distinction, I will briefly describe two patients. The first I would call suffering from a predominantly destructive narcissistic disorder, the second from a predominantly libidinal narcissistic disorder. What they have in common is the generation, through projective identification, of narcissistic relationships with the Ego-ideal in order to avoid relationships with the destructive, parental Super-Ego. Moreover, in the first case, destructiveness is translated into a relationship between twins, which then becomes a deadly alliance; on the other hand, in the second case, destructiveness becomes a mental refuge, where the original “happy love” is sought in mutual understanding.
How to deal with narcissism
In this case, it all depends on the individual situation. If we are talking about a chronic mental disorder, then the treatment will be long and quite difficult. Although a person needs psychological help, he does not yet perceive himself as a problematic person. For him, a narcissistic attitude towards others is a blessing.
Therefore, such people do not voluntarily go for treatment. The specialist will have to try hard to find an approach to such a patient.
As a rule, psychologists try to demonstrate benevolence and the deepest respect towards the patient. This bribes him, and he comes to the next reception in order to receive another portion of flattery.
Psychotherapy shows good results. Classes can be conducted either individually or in group form. First of all, the essence of the problem is explained to the patients, and gradually the doctor leads them to recognize the painfulness of their condition. Once the patient agrees with the diagnosis, treatment proceeds much faster.
Together with a doctor, a person suffering from narcissism finds a constructive solution that helps him lower his self-esteem a little to the required level. However, it is very important that the specialist can correctly understand the cause of the disease and try to exclude it. If this fails, the patient will refuse treatment and will never come to the session again.
If we talk about drug treatment, it is used only if the patient suffers from a depressive disorder, he develops panic attacks, phobias and other dangerous mental disorders. In this case, a course of tranquilizers or antidepressants may be prescribed. However, you need to understand that medications cannot eliminate narcissism. In this situation, the person’s condition is only alleviated so that he does not reach the extreme point.
Transference and countertransference
When a psychologist attempts to explore how a client feels about him or her, narcissists may become irritated. They think that the psychologist is trying to be vain. This is a projection.
Often there are strong reactions to the psychologist - they either strongly devalue or idealize. They are not interested in the true feelings of the psychologist. The devalued psychologist is perceived as defensive. And the idealized psychologist is perceived as modest.
The narcissist may ignore the personality of the psychologist during the session. Boredom, irritation, and a feeling that nothing is happening in the session are noted. Feeling of incomplete presence in the office.
And admiration for a psychologist can most likely be seen as an extension of the narcissist.
The defense mechanism is a projection of either a devalued or grandiose part of one's self. A person is seen as a function to maintain his own self-esteem.
Prevention
The narcissistic personality type is an extremely interesting topic for many specialists. During the study of this behavioral feature, doctors were able to draw up an approximate picture of the development of the defect. To prevent such a pathology, you need to avoid factors that can make a person more selfish. First of all, this concerns childhood. Parents must provide a harmonious upbringing for their child. The child must understand that he is loved, but at the same time they are expected to respond in kind. This means that you cannot always indulge your beloved child. Sometimes you need to say no.
You need to maintain a balance. Of course, the baby must learn self-respect and the ability to defend his point of view. However, he must take part in the discussion on an equal basis with the other interlocutor. This means that he must respect not only his parents, but also his peers. By instilling the right values in your child, you can develop a strong but decent personality. If parents do not know how to behave correctly, they should contact a specialist. He will tell you which model of behavior will be best for raising a particular child. In some situations, the parents themselves will need to undergo several appointments with a psychologist.
Spontaneity
Narcissists find it difficult to feel pleasure and joy in life. The narcissistic personality type can be expressed in constant stiffness, as if the person moves in armor. Narcissists with low self-esteem try not to show their terrible imperfections to other people, so they do not express spontaneous feelings.
Narcissists are also quick to stifle spontaneity in their children because it is a manifestation of the simple joy of life that is not available to them. Children quickly learn that spontaneity can suddenly and greatly anger a parent, and they learn to behave with restraint.
The restraint and constraint of schizoids may be similar, but it is associated with a constant expectation of rejection from others. Shackled narcissists have a deep belief that they are bad. The schizoid dreams of being accepted; the narcissist will rather make an effort so that no one can find out what is inside him. Accepting other people not for their successes, but simply for who they are, does not exist in the minds of the narcissistic personality type. They can only love you for something. They may stop loving you because you have gained weight or aged. With such expectations, it is difficult to simply enjoy life; you need to constantly improve yourself.
Symptoms
Due to the fact that narcissism is a mental illness that belongs to the dramatic and hysterical type, its complex symptoms are varied. The symptoms are interconnected and appear in different forms:
- promiscuity - in men it most often has a narcissistic etiology, while in women it manifests itself in any type of psychopathy;
- insensitivity and inattention to other people;
- exceptional demands on one's appearance - excessive gloss, smoothness, constant care for one's hair;
- masturbatory or “autoerotic” addiction of a person, inability to love objects;
- the desire to mention and talk about your awards, skills, achievements, connections and material well-being everywhere;
- self-oriented perception of reality caused by a narcissistic state of consciousness;
- poor learning ability;
- social maladjustment;
- depression and a tendency to abuse substances can be caused by a discrepancy between expectations and reality, provoked by grandiose plans not being fulfilled and not recognizing superiority by others;
- outbursts of anger or shame when receiving disapproval or criticism;
- other symptomatic disorders are hypochondria and phobias , most often social, because narcissists are looking for attention, but frequent failures in the future make them afraid of the “imperfect” society and the world around them.
Due to the comorbidity of the pathology in narcissists, in a similar way, depression , other types of psychopathy ( hysterical , borderline , dissocial or paranoid personality disorder) , as well as bipolar disorder , anorexia nervosa , abuse and dependence on psychoactive substances, most often cocaine .
Social media and narcissism
The modern world is increasingly embraced by the influence of social networks. People no longer want to live real lives, but create an ideal picture in their profile and even begin to believe in it. This is the best place for a pathological narcissist, because there you can get positive comments and likes without interacting with people and no one will see how flawed, emotionless and banal this person is.
Hell's web, how to survive in the world of narcissism is a question that worries every person. In a world where honesty, kindness and wisdom have become unimportant, more and more people are drawn into virtual reality and permissiveness is welcomed. Today they talk more and more about the dangers of social networks, as they negatively affect the human psyche and replace important aspects of life with artificial, fashionable ones.
Narcissism in men
Narcissistic men tend to have a very high opinion of themselves and do everything to gain the admiration of society while lacking the ability to show empathy. They like the attention of women, and sometimes men (in the case of bisexuality), especially from the upper classes, but they are not able to experience the deep feeling of love, so they very often lead a promiscuous lifestyle and cannot understand the suffering of abandoned partners.
Psychology describes narcissism in men as exaltation of oneself, obsession with fantasies about future success, power, confidence in one’s superiority and irresistibility, as well as the need for constant attention, special respect and admiration from others. The psychology of clinical narcissism in men manifests itself mainly in the form of:
- exceptional attention to one's appearance;
- promiscuity;
- focus on great results despite even moral values;
- demonstrations of superiority;
- cold indifference;
- a pattern of high expectations followed by disappointment, which can subsequently cause depression , aggression , drug addiction and alcoholism .
Classification
Depending on the predominant manifestations of the clinical picture, the following types of narcissistic personality are distinguished:
- paranoid - any contradiction to the grandiose plans of narcissists, disagreement with their superiority can provoke suspicion, intense anger and aggressive reactions;
- hypochondriacal – manifests itself to a greater extent in the form of self-interest and focus on protecting one’s health, which ultimately ensures the attention, delight or empathy of others;
- phobic - the development of social phobias is a response to hypersensitivity to the opinions of others and potentially possible negative feedback; the development of fears makes them more antisocial and causes anthropophobia .
Perverse narcissism
Quite recently, in 1987, Paul-Claude Racamier introduced the concept of narcissistic perversion, which essentially conveys a specific - “inverted” way of psychological defense of a person, when a person turns from an ideal into a tyrant. Such people tend to parasitize on their partners, demonstrating their virtues at the expense of others.
The perverted narcissist usually gives a pleasant impression, he is gallant and courteous, but in reality he is not. In fact, such persons are moral predators, they like to manipulate and subjugate individuals, and the stronger the character and more worthy the person, the more interested the pervert is.
Treatment
The main treatment for narcissistic disorder is psychoanalysis. And although this disorder is considered the most difficult to treat, as it is accompanied by depression , increased aggressiveness, alcoholism , etc., thanks to sessions with a qualified psychotherapist, patients are able to:
- understand all aspects and problems of narcissistic disorder;
- understand the nature of one’s own behavior and the meaning of social relationships;
- accept the imperfection of one’s own “I”;
- learn to express your needs, empathize and listen to the opinions of others.
Medicines
There is no drug therapy used to treat narcissistic personality disorder.
Procedures and operations
To level out the problems of character disorder, in addition to individual sessions with a psychoanalyst, patients may be asked to take questionnaires and testing.
