Psychotherapy for loneliness

A socio-psychological phenomenon and emotional state of a person associated with the lack of close, positive emotional connections with people and/or with the fear of their loss as a result of forced or psychologically caused social isolation.

Loneliness is not only a social phenomenon, but also a psychological and spiritual one. As a social phenomenon, loneliness has become quite common in an urban environment, in which time is scheduled by work, business, and social activity. Relationships with other people can be of varying degrees of depth, businesslike, friendly, but for us it is important not to be alone among a crowd of people, or not to be lonely, without communication.

It is important for us how we experience the state of loneliness. Experiences can be very different. For example, after intense work, especially with people, a person needs to be alone and do something for himself, as they say - to be with himself. During this time, you can put your thoughts in order, make plans, change the context - for example, spend time in nature or go to another country. The experience of loneliness as suffering is primarily characteristic of anxious and melancholic character types. According to another typology, it is difficult for those who are in dependent relationships or in the position of codependent to experience loneliness.

Where does the experience of loneliness come from?

Where does the pathological, distressing experience of loneliness come from? First of all, we should address the three most important needs, fixed biologically. The child’s first need for a mother, with her affection and upbringing, is normal, confirmed by experiments. No matter what they say about growing up and the fact that this need can be satisfied in childhood, it accompanies a person throughout his life.

The need to be accepted develops with the development of the child and is complemented by the need for society to accept others who are similar or different. This is the second type of experience of loneliness - a state of restlessness, rejection. Previously, the phenomenon of expulsion from society was tantamount to death, and a person who, due to intrapersonal conflict, does not have enough strength to change society, his immediate environment for fear of being expelled and not accepted, and does not have enough resources to build his own microsociety, may experience severe suffering.

The third type of loneliness is the absence of a loved one of the opposite sex. The myth glorified in films that intimacy, relationships with the other sex is a fairy-tale, magical phenomenon, only perpetuates a state of prolonged waiting in which a person is overtaken by the painful experience of loneliness. In such an experience there is a lot of personal fear of death, fear of not getting offspring, and the danger of the biological completion of the race. Perhaps the phenomenon of psychotherapy, which received cultural development precisely in urbanized countries, is largely connected not only with the possibility of pragmatic solutions to problems of personality and behavior, but also with the fact that in European culture a person is basically alone, this is the structure of his existence, this is what philosophers came up with, who, for the most part, carried out their research precisely in a state of loneliness.

Signs of depression in men

Such signs of a man’s behavior and emotional state should alert close people and attract their closer attention to their husband, son, friend, brother. Let's take a closer look at the symptoms of depression in men.

Emotional manifestations

increased irritability, aggression, sudden outbursts of rage, anger;
anxiety, fear, apathy, desire to lie on the couch;
decreased self-confidence, loss of self-worth;
loss of interest in communication, longing for something or someone;
disturbing dreams that do not bring relief, but only greater fatigue.

Behavioral signs of depression in men:

loss of control over one’s behavior, rash actions;
risky actions that endanger the life of oneself or others;
unkempt appearance and loss of interest in personal hygiene;
tendency to solitude and silence, loud sounds are a burden;
driving at high speed, drinking alcohol, psychotropic substances.

Physiological manifestations

In the physiological sphere, the following symptoms of depression in men are observed:

sleep and appetite disorders;
disorders of the gastrointestinal tract - constipation, diarrhea;
sweating, hot flashes and palpitations;
unpleasant sensations in different parts of the body that cause discomfort and anxiety;
heaviness in the chest, making it difficult to breathe;
fading of sexual desire and interest in a partner.

Thought symptoms of depression in men:

passive daydreaming, which is aimed at experiencing failures and generalizing “everything is bad”;
thoughts of suicide as a way to alleviate your emotional state;
difficulty concentrating on anything, absent-mindedness;
thoughts that contribute to even greater oppression of oneself - “nobody needs me”, “it would be better if I didn’t exist”, “everything is pointless”, “why try to do anything, it won’t work anyway”, “I’m tired, I don’t have strength, everything is still bad...", "I am weak, feeble...";
fixation on a negative way of perception and replaying it in the head, like an obsession.

Loneliness and psychotherapy

How can a psychotherapist help a person who finds himself in a state of painful, unbearable loneliness? Firstly, if you come to a psychotherapist in this state, you have already taken the first step towards solving your problem. In the process of psychotherapy, you can explore your feelings and experiences associated with loneliness, understand the reasons and your behavior patterns that lead to this condition. Perhaps the state itself will change its meaning for you and be filled with something new for you.

Without psychotherapy, what prevents such awareness? Firstly, these are depressive states in which the presence of another is generally experienced as a burden. In a state of anxiety, a person also needs the presence of another person, but whoever wants to share their time with someone who experiences inexplicable anxious thoughts, sometimes it is not possible to understand and separate them. Fears and phobias of various origins that the psychotherapist deals with, and that you will deal with if you decide to undergo psychotherapy, are overcome, opening the way for you to other people. Perhaps loneliness will become for you exactly the need that was mentioned at the very beginning of this article.

How to be less lonely

There are things we can do to help us not feel so alone. Here are some tips to help you feel better in this heartless world.

Group up

Research shows that it is much more effective to combat feelings of loneliness by spending time in groups than by talking to someone one-on-one. This is very important because most of us try to combat loneliness by dating individuals. We think the problem is that we don't have enough one-on-one interaction, when in fact loneliness has more to do with group membership.

Easiest way to join a group? Find something to do. The more involved and active the group, the better. According to research, for example, activities that include dancing, swimming, gymnastics, and so on, reduce loneliness more than meetings where everyone just sits, twirls something in their hands and chats.

So find the crowd. Find something to do.

Improve your communication skills

So, you're in a band, rocking out to sweet disco, but what now? It's not enough to just go out in public. You also need to be able to interact with them. Still would.

Support others

Many people view social interaction in terms of what they will get out of it. They think: “What will this person do for me?”, “How can I feel better from this communication?” Selfish intentions seep into words and actions, people feel that a person is just an arrogant person.

Instead, approach communication with the attitude: “What can I give to this person?”, “How can I do good for them?”

After all, people like to be in the company of people who make them feel good. If you focus on making the other person feel good, you are more likely to form a strong connection with that person.

The beautiful thing about this mindset is that we tend to get more value and happiness out of our interactions when we give more. As the proverb goes, “What goes around comes around.” This is true. The more we give to others, the more fulfilled and loved we feel.

Find happiness in solitude

Earlier in this article I mentioned that, according to a survey, more young people than older people complain of loneliness. At first this surprised me. But then the researchers explained why this is so:

“Almost 50% of respondents said that loneliness can be a positive thing […] among the reasons listed were the opportunity for personal growth, the pleasure of being alone with oneself and the knowledge that this feeling will pass.”

It turned out that older people weren't lonelier than younger people, they were just more comfortable with themselves.

Perhaps this is the main point: loneliness depends not only on your social interactions, but also on how you feel about those interactions. You may feel terribly lonely, spending day after day in the company of people. Or feel complete satisfaction spending months in solitude.

Loneliness and solitude are not the same thing. One can exist without the other.

Much of your loneliness stems from your attitude toward solitude. Solitude can be wonderful. Cognitive. Liberating - after all, there is no one to impress.

Perhaps the key to combating loneliness in society is not reducing loneliness, but accepting and exploring it. After all, it is much easier to interact with others when you can find a common language with yourself.

Old age as a life stage

Old age is the final stage in a person’s life. Conventionally, old age can be divided into three stages:

Transitional . It occurs approximately in the period of time from fifty to sixty years; now such people are called pre-retirees. Retirement is already somewhere not far away, on the one hand it makes me happy (I want to finally take care of myself, have more free time), on the other hand it’s scary (how will everything turn out, will there be enough money, I don’t want to lose contacts with my work colleagues) . Just at this time, the character begins to deteriorate, many people develop aggression, they often find fault with little things, some become whiny.
Ordinary old age . This period begins at age sixty and continues as long as the elderly person has the strength and can take care of himself. Changes in habits, health, mood swings become more noticeable, the need for help from younger relatives often appears, especially when solving any everyday problems, and the diet has to be reconsidered.
Frailty . Problems with the musculoskeletal system occur, old people have difficulty moving even around the apartment, many can no longer do even this, they become recumbent. Memory and attention deteriorate catastrophically, and complete apathy sets in. At this time, more than ever, it is necessary to support their intelligence, communicate more, if possible, invite their younger or more active friends to visit, and by any means preserve and maintain the interest of your elderly relative in life.

Eat right

Did you know that there are products with antidepressant effects? If you take them regularly, it will lift your mood and get out of a depressing state.

Banana. The fruit contains the alkaloid harman, which can literally cause a feeling of bliss. One fruit a day is enough to get pleasure.
Any vegetables or fruits in yellow and orange colors - carrots, oranges, grapefruits, persimmons.
Chocolate is the first, main antidepressant. It contains phenylethylamine, which is involved in the synthesis of endorphins, and magnesium, which stimulates the nervous system.
Honey. An excellent natural product that promotes relaxation and enriches our body with nutrients. Recommended dose – 1 tsp. 3 times a day.
Dried fruits, nuts. Simply useful!
Oatmeal. Her secret to a good mood is thiamine, the “vitamin of optimism.” Magnesium secures the result.
Chilli. Capsacin in its composition suppresses pain and improves tone. In addition, burning sensations will help you switch your attention and occupy your thoughts with other concerns.
Salmon. This fish is rich in vitamin D as well as omega-3 fatty acids. These components are excellent helpers in the fight against depression.
Cheese. It contains many amino acids that are necessary for the functioning of the entire body as a whole. Roquefort cheese is the most dangerous for depression.
Coffee. A tonic, invigorating drink. Gives strength and energy. Allows you to enjoy the pleasant aroma and rich taste.

Eliminate fried, fatty, smoked foods from your diet. Try to eat only healthy foods.

Drink soothing, warm herbal infusions. Use the following herbs to prepare them:

St. John's wort;
ginseng;
mint, lemon balm;
hawthorn;
rosemary;
Aralia.

Herbal teas relieve stress and help you relax. They improve the quality and duration of sleep, eliminating insomnia.

Natural, high-quality products can bring into your life the pleasure that you are missing. A good dish lifts your spirits, and preparing it will allow you to spend your time profitably.

Those who started with

By calling this type a klutz, I, of course, sinned against psychological truth. But since this text is not a scientific article, I can take some liberties.

In fact, he is a soft, insecure person, usually dependent on his mother, and less often on his father. Excessively cared for by parents, therefore not independent and, to hide it, not attracting the attention of persons of the opposite sex.

A completely recognizable category, including in Hollywood film production, both in male and female variations.

However, unlike uplifting film stories, in real life such boys rarely get married, at least until the death of their parents, while girls remain old maids.

And, of course, only his unexpectedly enlightened mother can bring such a lonely man to a psychologist. Which, unfortunately, doesn't happen often.

Why depression develops

One of the common causes of this condition is a traumatic situation: loss of loved ones, dismissal, bankruptcy, change of residence, violence, etc. Depression that appears under the influence of such factors is called reactive. It develops rapidly, but with the passage of time and the absence of a traumatic agent, it passes.

Neurotic depression appears against a background of constant stress, and sometimes it is difficult to name its specific cause. Suspiciousness as a character trait, low self-esteem, and pessimism can become fertile ground.

All these were causes of psychogenic depression. But there is also an endogenous form, that is, when the development of the disorder is provoked by physiological processes:

disruption of the synthesis of neurotransmitters in the brain that affect a person’s mood, namely dopamine and serotonin;
hormonal imbalances - childbirth, menopause, puberty;
some somatic diseases.

Depressive disorder can manifest itself in varying degrees: from mild or erased, to pronounced, with a riot of symptoms. Naturally, treatment will depend on the intensity of the clinical picture.

A number of changes in old age

The older an elderly person is, the more changes occur in his body and the more unpleasant they are:

Thought processes slow down. A possible solution to the problem is constant brain training (memorizing passages of text, solving crossword puzzles, reading books, writing).
Bad character traits are strengthened, good ones are weakened. It is impossible to stop this process, but you can try to control your emotions, remember how to behave in society and not go beyond what is permitted.

Why is this happening? How to behave, what should you try to avoid, so as not to be left alone in old age?

What is depression afraid of?

Willpower is what can help you overcome a disorder and never return to it again.

It should be immediately noted that this quality does not appear suddenly, out of nowhere. It needs to be developed and cultivated step by step. Of course, it is more convenient and comfortable for our psyche to lie in bed, laze around, looking at the ceiling. But you must understand that laziness, negativism, powerlessness are excellent fertile soil for cultivating depressive ideas. And even antidepressants, without your efforts, will turn out to be the remedy that can only lift you out of despondency for a short period of time: after you stop taking them, everything comes back again.

Know: depression does not like efficient, positive, active individuals. Learn to counteract your fears, laziness, and despondency. If you want to lie down and mope, get up and start doing something: anything, even just wash the dishes. If you want to complain about a difficult fate, instead, say something positive or interesting, give a compliment to your interlocutor.

Work on yourself, even if it is difficult at first. And get results!

Types of aging

There are six different psychotypes of aging, let’s look at them.

Grumpy

It usually manifests itself in those older people who, even in their youth, liked to show their discontent. Such people believe that everything around is unworthy of him, everything consists of only shortcomings, everything has flaws, and only he is deprived of them. By old age, such people usually become very aggressive.

Unfortunate

Constant and pervasive whining. Life has not gone well, the children have not lived up to expectations, the work is uninteresting, the wife (husband) is unloved, the apartment is bad, the pension is small. Such people are even physically different: constant despondency on their face, hanging arms, hunched back, bowed head.

Family

Most often these are women. Constant chores around the house, all about children, grandchildren, their sorrows and joys. One needs knitting, another needs quick mending, the third needs delicious pancakes, and then the berries have already ripened at the dacha and need to be picked. Of course, not an ideal option for a happy old age, but, compared to the previous ones, it is more positive.

Healthy

More often - men. As soon as he retires, he immediately begins to take care of his health: constant examinations, following all recommendations for a healthy lifestyle, they sign up for all kinds of trainings, attend sports or physical education classes. All conversations are only about diseases, both real, real, and imaginary.

Adaptive

Elderly people with this psychotype quickly adapt to a new way of life. They develop many different hobbies, they like to spend time actively, attend many different events, and quickly make new acquaintances and friends. Loneliness is not about them.

Creative

Somewhat reminiscent of the previous psychotype. Even after an elderly person has retired, he is constantly developing and self-educating. He has an active life position, he has several interesting hobbies, and loves traveling. Such people have a constant and persistent interest in life, they do everything possible so that other people need them, in their presence, in communication with them. An elderly person continues to realize himself even in old age; he is interested in life.