A person with a difficult character often suffers from the qualities that he developed during his life. He does not understand why people avoid him, and communication brings neither pleasure nor benefit. A complex character is manifested in sarcasm, conflict, envy and other traits. However, even such people, after working hard on themselves, will be able to achieve spiritual harmony.
Interaction of a complex personality with the world
It is not easy to deal with a person who has a difficult character. Such people often offend others and spoil their mood. They often begin to be avoided, since communication with them rarely brings joy. If you had to deal with such a person, the simplest solution is to enter into communication with him as little as possible. The main signs of a severe nature, signaling the need to reduce the number of contacts, are:
- Reluctance to listen to the interlocutor.
- A sense of rightness even in situations where there is no reason for it.
- Aggressiveness, conflict, quarrelsomeness.
- Tendency to criticize and find fault.
- Depressiveness, tendency to dramatize.
If it seems that only such people are around, this is a reason to think: perhaps personal problems are not characteristic of them, but of the person himself.
Asks serious questions
What do most ladies talk about? As a rule, we are talking about topics that only cause grins or are simply not interesting. The result is a situation where a man simply cannot find a reason to talk or he is not at all interested in communication. Therefore, if a woman knows how to ask serious questions, it is always interesting to be with her.
Irritability
Excessive irritability is one of the main signs of a difficult character. One person will behave calmly while in a traffic jam. Another will honk his horn furiously and curse everyone around him - both drivers and pedestrians. If something doesn’t happen according to plan - someone steps on someone’s foot, or a child gets a bad grade from school, it can turn into a real Apocalypse for such a person. Psychologists believe that irritability as an innate character trait is inherent in only 0.1% of the entire population. In other cases, this quality is a consequence of psychological problems acquired during life.
Pickiness
Often people with a difficult character believe that the truth is born in a dispute, but it still won’t be possible to live in peace with other people. On the one hand, constructive criticism helps you improve and is beneficial. But such people forget that it is not only what is said that is important, but also how this information is presented.
By the way, phrases like “He’s a complete idiot if he doesn’t understand that” or “Her hands don’t grow from there” are insults, not criticism. It is useful to remember this for people with a difficult character.
The reason for such pickiness is often the peculiarities of upbringing in early childhood. A child who has had to listen to criticism from his parents for any action gets used to this behavior. Often, in order to correct this character trait, one cannot do without long-term work with a psychotherapist.
Problems from childhood
Why do some children grow up to be good kids, while others grow up to be headstrong tomboys? It's all about education and permissiveness. Parents who forbid their child a lot, but do it in moderation, will raise a normal person. But is it so good to be normal? The fact is that people who did not have their own opinion in childhood and followed the eternal instructions of their parents will continue to adhere to this style of behavior in adulthood. Such persons are good subordinates. They meet deadlines and always act according to instructions.
Those individuals who are called complex are very self-willed. Their creativity and initiative were not limited in childhood, therefore, with age, they only strengthened the opinion that this world should be examined and any opinion can and should be doubted. Such people cause a lot of problems to others. They always have their own opinion, do not want to agree with anyone and are not afraid to openly quarrel. It is impossible to listen to their conscience, and sometimes it seems that it simply does not exist. But it should be understood that such people rarely go beyond the bounds of decency and rarely intentionally cause harm to others.
Sarcasticity
This trait of a difficult character is aimed at hurting other people, touching on their shortcomings. Moreover, this is always done in the most sophisticated expressions and often in front of everyone. Pleasant jokes can never ruin your mood. As for sarcasm, it causes only negative emotions. This phenomenon is a socially acceptable type of aggression. If a person cannot express to another everything that he thinks about him, that makes him a target for his sarcastic statements.
Often the reason for sarcasm is the desire to attract the attention of others. Psychologists have found that this trait is characteristic of people who come from large families. It also affects those in whose families parents and other adults were not ashamed to communicate with each other through ridicule.
To overcome the craving for acute slander, you need to think - why utter offensive words and what is their ultimate goal? After all, in order to attract the attention of society, there are many more positive ways. If the statement of a colleague or relative seems completely stupid and makes you want to tell a cruel joke, it is useful to ask your interlocutor a few clarifying questions instead. For example: “Why do you think so?”, “Do you think things could be different?” This will help you show yourself as a delicate and attentive person. This will allow the interlocutor to maintain a sense of self-esteem.
Insolence - bad or good quality
It all depends on the context of the situation and the motives of the person’s behavior. Behind actions and words lies the desire to humiliate the interlocutor, to assert oneself at his expense, to shock the public - this is ostentatious insolence.
It is largely caused by a hidden inferiority complex and an attempt to hide self-doubt behind arrogance and impudence. People who behave this way are considered boors, rude people, buffoons.
It’s another matter when the desire to go beyond the ordinary is dictated by the deep desire to realize one’s aspirations in life, despite the inertia of others. But at the same time, boldness should not be associated with humiliation of another, rudeness and rudeness.
Thus, psychologists divide insolence into imaginary and healthy. The latter is characterized by the ability to defend one’s interests, express personal opinions without fear of authority, and present the fruits of one’s work or creativity without fear of criticism.
Tendency to dramatize events, anxiety, depression
These qualities of people with difficult characters spoil the lives of both themselves and those around them. After all, they also have to constantly listen to complaints and whining about how bad everything is. Your neighbors have an expensive car, your friend has a more beautiful wife, and your friend’s child managed to get into a prestigious university. The quality of life in the country is deteriorating, and wages are not growing; and the weather is kind of bad every day. These people think approximately this way, infecting those around them with their pessimism.
To get rid of the habit of seeing everything in a dark light, it is useful to work on yourself. You need to develop the habit of seeing things in more positive terms. Also, such a person needs to do everything in his power to make his life pleasant and comfortable, and bring joy.
Stay calm under pressure
Do you explode or burst into tears when something makes you angry or upset? Being tough doesn't mean not having emotions, but it does mean controlling them so you can think clearly and make rational decisions. If you tend to overreact to unwanted news, start monitoring your emotional background. Before you do anything, take a deep breath and count to ten. This is a well-known trick to get yourself together, and it really works. After 10 seconds, the first surge of emotions will subside a little. Channel your energy in the right direction instead of throwing it out on other people. Exercising, journaling, and meditation are good ways to give your emotions a positive direction. After you get rid of all unnecessary emotions, you can answer your own question about how to become tougher in character.
I have a difficult character: what should I do? General recommendations
Being a difficult person means dooming yourself to conflicts and loneliness. And the first step to overcome these difficulties is to realize your shortcomings. People with this personality structure often tend to notice only the disadvantages of those around them and not pay attention to their own. Even in a situation where others point out that they are wrong, they will continue to believe that they were misunderstood and want to offend.
Having a difficult character is not easy, because you need to learn to control yourself. In conflict situations, it is useful to muffle your own feelings for a while and take an interest in what others are saying about you now. You shouldn’t rush to be rude in response or make excuses: first, it’s better to impartially listen to other people’s criticism. This will allow you to understand what image they have in their head and how they perceive such behavior. If this image is negative, it should be changed.
It's hard for you to take advice
When difficulties arise in our lives, we ask for advice from people who can listen and help us.
If you have a complex character, you treat sincere advice with distrust or even consider it stupid or wrong. Even if the person giving you advice has a better understanding of similar situations, you still believe that you know much more than they do. It is difficult for you to cope with the feeling of pride in order to listen to someone and do as he says.
Manage emotions
But admitting your shortcomings is only the beginning of the fight against a difficult character. Often people get stuck halfway and invent all sorts of excuses for themselves. “Nothing can be done, because this is my character,” they say. Such an excuse becomes universal for them. They use it in any conflict situation or to justify their own weaknesses.
In reality, a difficult character is not a death sentence. It is formed throughout a person’s life. It depends only on the individual himself where he will direct his natural inclinations. For example, everyone knows that people with choleric temperament are often unrestrained and irritable. But even they are quite capable of controlling their own outbursts of aggression.
If anger makes you unable to think clearly, you should not try to express it as quickly as possible. On the contrary, you first need to reduce the intensity of emotions a little. To do this, it is useful to use relaxation techniques and deep breathing. Sports and fitness activities help get rid of excess adrenaline. Oriental martial arts are especially effective in this regard.
What is meant by insolence in modern society?
If we turn to explanatory dictionaries published in the last century, the meaning of the word is rather negative. Thus, Ushakov interprets the term as disrespect, rudeness, rudeness.
The Orthodox dictionary even calls insolence a sinful manifestation, expressed in arrogant words, shameless actions and unrestrained behavior.
However, today in society a different meaning of the term is more often used. Boldness refers to courage, ambition, and self-confidence. That is, there is a change in the perception of the origin of the word - not from the negatively colored “daring” (to be rude, to be rude), but from “dare” (to act boldly, strive for something).
If your lover is a complex person
A man’s difficult character is a difficult test for every lady. At the beginning of a relationship, usually the shortcomings of the stronger sex do not appear as clearly as after the end of the candy-bouquet period. When a gentleman realizes that he no longer needs to court a girl in order to gain her favor, he gradually begins to show his true colors.
In any couple, people eventually begin to learn about each other's shortcomings. But ordinary relationships are characterized by the fact that these shortcomings, with due effort on the part of the man and woman, can be overcome and leveled out. For example, if a husband constantly throws socks around, this is not critical for family life. The wife can put the box in another corner of the room and invite her husband to play volleyball with the help of socks, trying to throw them exactly at the target.
But if the spouse is stubborn and has a difficult character, constantly provokes conflicts, God forbid, raises a hand against his wife - here you should seriously think about the advisability of continuing the relationship and the possible risks to health and life.
Stay true to your values
Ultimately, being tough comes down to knowing your values and acting on them. Understanding this will help you fend off petty insults and avoid sinking into depression. This will help you understand what is truly important to you and develop a strategy for achieving your goals. This, by the way, is the answer to the question of how to become tough in a relationship. Subordinate your relationship and your partner to your own moral, ethical, life and personal values - and then everything will go like clockwork.
Other cases of severe people
The same applies to those cases when a male boss has a complex character. After all, constant interaction with such a person at work is no better than having to endure your husband’s antics at home. Therefore, those who want to maintain psychological balance are also recommended to minimize communication with those people who have a difficult character, no matter in what field of activity they have to deal with.
If the difficult person is a relative, the problem here requires a more detailed consideration. It may be necessary to undergo joint psychotherapy to find common ground and make communication softer. But one thing needs to be remembered: if a person himself does not want to take into account the interests of loved ones, then it is unlikely that he can be influenced by persuasion.
If the soul refuses to accept this person with his terrifying shortcomings, this is a signal that it is time to change his environment. Unfortunately, such people often have to be erased from life, since they themselves change extremely rarely.
How to meet a girl with a complex character. Tips on how to meet a girl
The process of meeting a girl can sometimes be very difficult. This depends on many factors, which can either positively or negatively influence this.
What can affect your success when meeting a girl?
- The first thing that can affect meeting a girl is the personal qualities of both yours and hers. The dissimilarity of such qualities can generally negate the process of first acquaintance;
- The girl’s reluctance to meet men at all;
- Social status. You yourself know that it very rarely happens when a person with a higher status in society gets acquainted with a person who has a lower status;
- All kinds of complexes that interfere with normal acquaintance.
However, the realization that you simply need a soul mate forces us to make any sacrifice. The main thing is to know how to get along with a girl and spend quality time with her.
1.
Do not be afraid. It is the fear that a girl will refuse you that can affect you. To meet a girl, the main thing is to be confident. This is the only way you can win the heart of your chosen one. Even if she refuses you, there are many others with whom it will be much easier and easier for you to get to know each other better;
2.
The first impression when meeting someone is always made by appearance. So your clothes, hairstyle, perfumes, shoes - everything should be perfectly clean and tastefully chosen;
3.
The main thing is to interest the girl from the first minutes of meeting her. It depends on how well you know your strengths and how you can attract her. Find a common topic of conversation that would be interesting to both you and her. This way you can establish contact faster. The main thing is that these are not male-oriented topics;
4.
Don't turn communication into an interrogation. You shouldn’t ask her too many questions, especially personal ones, but don’t tell her too much about yourself. It is better to give this kind of information in parts. If you do not want to answer any question, then it is better to say that you will talk about it next time. The main thing is not to lie and tell the truth;
5.
There is no need to talk about your ex-girlfriends, no matter how many of them you had, or complain that the previous girl was a bitch and how much she hurt you;
6.
When communicating, you should not constantly look away. This way your chosen one will know that you are frank and interested in her;
7.
To get to know a girl, give her compliments, but in moderation and according to her appearance. Exaggeration is also not the best way to interest her;
8.
If your communication has already been long enough and the relationship has reached a higher peak, do not stop there, but persistently and confidently achieve your goal.
