Self-love, respect, recognition of one's merits and protection of boundaries are worthy and positive qualities for the fairer sex. They have nothing to do with destructive, pathological personality traits such as narcissism. In women, it manifests itself in the form of inadequately inflated self-esteem, self-obsession, and the desire to use other people to satisfy their own egoistic needs. Such a girl does not even try to understand those around her, because she is completely immersed in herself, in maintaining her grandiosity and inflated Ego. By and large, narcissism in women is the inability to have warmth and close, trusting relationships “on equal terms.” Such ladies have no spontaneity, no feeling of happiness. In some cases, this may indicate borderline personality disorder or psychopathy.
What it is
Narcissism in women is a personality disorder in which they cannot adequately evaluate themselves and exhibit excessive narcissism, pride and arrogance.
The term comes from Greek mythology. Remember the story about the young man who loved himself so much that he stared at his reflection in the water and turned into stone? A flower grew at this place, which gave the name to the disorder.
Previously, it was believed that narcissism develops more often in men. But, as practice shows, there are many women among narcissists. With all their behavior they show that they love only themselves, and they don’t care about those around them.
According to psychologists, narcissism in women manifests itself in a focus on appearance, while men focus more on achievements. Such representatives of the fair sex carefully select clothes, cosmetics and accessories, devoting a lot of time to creating the ideal image. They treat the interior of their apartments and houses, their workplace, and the appearance of their family and friends in exactly the same way.
Diagnostics
Making a diagnosis of “narcissistic personality disorder” involves interviewing and studying the patient’s behavior. The constant disharmony that is present in the patient's life, especially if he denies it, is a personality disorder. Another factor is an inadequate or painful reaction to criticism addressed to the patient.
In some cases of histrionic, borderline, and antisocial disorder, diagnosis may be difficult. Antisocial individuals often become addicted to drugs or alcohol. Borderline disorders can cause increased anxiety and suicidal tendencies. Hysterical disturbance leads to harsh manipulation and use of others.
As a rule, relatives of the patient turn to the doctor for help. They can describe in detail the signs of illness and behavioral characteristics of their relative. The patient himself usually completely denies the presence of any problems and talks about feeling great.
Signs of female narcissism
It is easy to identify a narcissistic woman. It combines such traits as high self-esteem, inability to sympathize, empathize with others, expectation of envy, etc. There are other signs of this unhealthy behavior.
Pleasure from someone else's pain
One of the main signs of narcissism in women. Narcissists derive pleasure from humiliating, hurting, and harming others. And this is all done on the sly. And while the victim is tormented, suffering from insults, they gloatingly watch her suffering. If a person tries to talk, talk about his feelings, he runs into a wall of arrogance, misunderstanding and a complete lack of empathy.
Female narcissism knows no pity. A woman, without a twinge of conscience, first brings a person closer to her, and after she uses him for her own purposes, she throws him away like a boring toy. She is not capable of long-term, serious relationships, because she gets real satisfaction not from creation, but from destruction.
Competition
The desire to compete sometimes goes beyond all reasonable boundaries. This is due to unhealthy envy and the desire to remain in the center of attention under any circumstances.
Interestingly, one of the signs of narcissism in women is considered indirect aggression. In some cases it would most likely manifest itself directly. But due to some social reasons, women behave more restrained than men. Although, in its essence, narcissism in their case is no different from that of men. Just remember the examples of offensive behavior, aggression and resentment that often end female friendships.
Narcissistic women are always closely assessing their surroundings. They divide the people around them into 2 groups:
- those who pose a threat;
- those who can become admirers, blind followers.
Representatives of the second group are constantly insulted and humiliated by narcissists, while enjoying their superiority.
For those in the first group, the situation is more complicated. At first, a woman admires such a man, praises him, and turns out to be signs of attention. In general, he behaves as required by the rules of decency. But all this is ostentatious friendliness. Behind it lies contempt, aggression and envy. At some point, the object of “adoration” will be brutally toppled from its pedestal.
Narcissistic women derive satisfaction from spreading gossip, rumors, and slander. It brings them unspeakable pleasure to turn friends against each other, slander them, and say nasty things behind their backs. The most interesting thing is that in reality people are not like that at all. Conflicts between them arise on the basis of narcissism.
Obsession
Another manifestation of narcissism in women. We are talking about an obsession with appearance, intellectual development and everything that will help achieve superiority over others. Narcissistic women can easily be called fatal beauties. They spend a lot of time and money creating and maintaining the ideal image. They are attractive and sexy. And they use these qualities in order to achieve some kind of benefit. Most often, with their help, they first achieve power and then strengthen it.
Narcissistic women love to spend money, live at the expense of a man or family and friends. This is one of the differences from men with a narcissistic character. They strive to concentrate as much money as possible in their hands.
In addition to their appearance, narcissistic women are highly concerned with their intellectual development. They receive several higher educations, academic degrees, win medals and various awards. But not in order to benefit others, but for control and terror.
Contempt
First of all, we are talking about the person with whom the woman is in a romantic relationship. Most often, he loves her to the point of unconsciousness, pampers her and fulfills all her whims. She, in turn, easily commits adultery (emotional and physical), without experiencing a single bit of remorse.
Women with narcissism tend to gather crowds of admirers around them. They don’t care who will pay attention - unfamiliar men, exes or someone else. The main thing is to arouse jealousy in the one who is currently next to her.
Female friendship also does not represent any value for such individuals. They will not miss the opportunity to try to take away their friend's husband or partner. And then, if this fails, they will experience unprecedented disappointment.
Content:
The terms narcissistic and narcissistic personality disorder are used quite loosely today. Although feelings of selfishness, need for admiration, or difficulty with criticism may appear narcissistic, this does not necessarily indicate a diagnosis of true narcissistic personality disorder. (And here's an important point to remember: narcissism is not the same thing as confidence.) But when the traits of selfishness, selfishness, and manipulation are taken to extremes, it can become the basis for psychological disorder. Like all similar conditions, a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder means that a person must meet certain diagnostic criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5). (1)
You can find true narcissists at all levels of society. In its more extreme form and used for nefarious reasons, the results of narcissistic personality disorder can be devastating. The combination of an inability to empathize coupled with high-level grandiosity can lead to harming others without remorse. Many psychology experts believe that Hitler suffered from narcissistic personality disorder, along with many dangerous cult leaders such as Jim Jones, David Koresh. Polygamy leader Warren Jeffs is believed to be a true narcissist. In addition to initially possessing charming traits that attract followers, these people demanded absolute loyalty from followers, overvalued themselves, and devalued those around them. (2, 3)
These examples of famous narcissists are extreme cases. Chances are, you deal with a much less sinister form of narcissism every day. You may experience this at your own dinner table, where a charming but emotionally unavailable parent or spouse puts you down to get up. Perhaps it's someone in the office or cubicle next to you who is doing a habit and a lot of work due to storming into meetings late. Or your best friend who constantly interrupts you while you're talking, always turning the conversation back to him or herself and rarely listening to what you say. Narcissists are known to have perfectionistic expectations of others and then berate others when those expectations are not met. Maybe you even see some of these traits in yourself.
We must understand that many of us deal with narcissistic individuals every day.
Narcissistic personality disorder is not just a problem for the person living with the disorder. This illness casts a wide net that negatively affects the people in the narcissist's life. The words and actions of a true narcissist can cause significant stress and lasting damage to parents, siblings, children, other family members, friends and co-workers
This is why it is so important to learn how to identify and properly deal with a narcissist. And if you're exhibiting signs and symptoms of narcissism, you may want to seek help as well
Here, former FBI profiler Joe Navarro, author of Dangerous Individuals: An FBI Profiler Shows How to Identify and Protect Yourself from Harmful People, breaks down the narcissist: (4)
How to recognize a narcissistic woman: behavioral characteristics
So, there is a narcissistic woman in your environment if:
- As soon as you enter the room, everyone falls silent, an awkward pause occurs, and those present exchange meaningful glances. And only your friend remains welcoming and friendly at this moment. But a couple of moments ago, rest assured, she was telling very unpleasant things about you.
- At the beginning of friendship, a friend extols you in every possible way, considers you an ideal, and always finds a reason for praise. Seeing this, you begin to trust, sharing your deepest secrets. And this trust will play a cruel joke on you later. Soon you will notice how mutual acquaintances avoid you, exclude you from group conversations, and do not invite you to any friendly gatherings. And soon your friends themselves will start talking about your secrets, sometimes with ridicule.
- Your friend is a narcissist if she gossips about someone but acts more than friendly and nice towards him in front of that person. She continues to be friends with him and meet. This is a sign not only of female narcissism, but also of duplicity, a well-developed ability to deceive others. Be careful. If a friend talks about someone like that in your presence, she may be talking about you behind your back.
And, of course, your narcissistic friend or acquaintance will not miss the opportunity to show that they are better than you.
conclusions
Unfortunately, the peculiarities of modern society, the insufficient amount of research in the field of correction of narcissistic disorder, and the lack of psychological knowledge among a wide audience lead to the fact that the number of people with this pathology is growing. They are dangerous not only in personal relationships. You can encounter psychopaths in business, at work, and in social relationships.
Important: stop popularizing the image of a charming narcissist-psychopath, understand the causes and deep disruption of the personality structure in this disorder, explain to people the danger of becoming a victim of such an abuser
Advantages and disadvantages
Can female narcissism have any advantages, you ask? Yes, they are:
- The desire to become better in appearance, education, and professional activities. Desire to develop and learn.
- The ability to “present yourself”, external attractiveness in any circumstances.
- Charm, the ability to speak correctly, to convince your interlocutor that you are right.
All these good traits of narcissism in women are crossed out by shortcomings:
- Too high an opinion of yourself and your achievements. Devaluing other people's achievements.
- Inability to accept even constructive criticism.
- Reluctance to grow in the professional field as required by specialization.
- Focus exclusively on yourself, your desires and whims.
Interestingly, over time, the above shortcomings appear more and more strongly. Because of this, a narcissistic woman becomes callous, cold, and selfish.
Causes
The roots of the problem go back to early childhood. In a harmonious family, the birth of a child brings joy. In the first months of life, parents experience unconditional love towards him. All manifestations of the baby cause delight and tenderness. He becomes the center of mom's life for a while. Satisfying his needs is of paramount importance. Over time, a child's world expands
He realizes: there are people around with whom he also needs to share his mother’s love and attention. This is how a baby learns to love
Mom is the first teacher of love. The mother's coldness, lack of empathy, warmth, and attention already in infancy forms the pathological traits of narcissism. The desire to make up for the lack of maternal love and tenderness will haunt such a person into adulthood. He will imagine himself as the universal center, while hiding pain and anger, he will idealize his parents.
Another reason for the development of narcissism is early evaluation of children. The child receives an assessment and becomes attached to the concepts of “good” and “bad”
Parents reward their child with love and attention only for success. And in the future his whole life will be geared towards getting high scores.
When a child is not given the understanding that he is valuable in himself, but is required to constantly prove himself, narcissistic injury occurs.
A narcissistic mother or the same father raises a young narcissist in their own image and likeness. The baby is not recognized as a separate person, but only serves as a means to satisfy their needs and fulfill their desires. The child's character traits and temperament are not accepted. Feelings, needs, desires are ignored. It is believed that they do not exist. Personality is devalued. The baby is forced to constantly be on the verge of rejection. In an attempt to survive, to gain a little warmth and a feeling of closeness, the child, imitating his parents, begins to devalue and reject the part of himself that his parents condemn and try to eradicate.
In such an environment, a narcissistic personality is not always formed. The trace of such upbringing in character can manifest itself in a special sensitivity to shame and difficulty maintaining boundaries in relationships. Individuals with narcissistic injury, like narcissists, tend to make excessive efforts to maintain a sense of self-worth or meekly obey others, fearing outbursts of anger and aggression.
Excessive love and admiration of parents for their children can sow narcissistic traits in a child’s character. From childhood they can be extolled and praised. Adults are afraid that an inferiority complex will develop, especially if the child clearly showed his talent very early or the parents are obsessed with the idea of the genius of their child. Pseudogeniuses often grow up in such families.
Excessive parental care and permissiveness can also be the basis for the germination of the disease.
How to behave
So, what is female narcissism? As we found out, this is inflated self-esteem, which encourages us to always and everywhere show our superiority over others. How to treat narcissism in women? There are several recommendations:
- Keep your distance. You should not tell such a friend your secrets, share your experiences and worries. She doesn't care what happens to you. She uses any information she receives for her own benefit.
- If you find yourself working with a narcissist, document any work you do together. This will help you avoid unpleasant conversations with your superiors when shortcomings are discovered in your work. Remember: a narcissistic colleague is not averse to setting you up and then making you feel guilty for what happened.
- Reduce communication or eliminate it completely. If the second option is not possible, keep communication to a minimum as possible. As soon as your friend hears your refusal, she will be transformed. You will see how from a sweet and good-natured woman she will turn into an embittered fury who mercilessly tells your deepest secrets.
In any situation, remain calm. Walk away if the narcissist tries to provoke you. A few defeats and he will give up trying to make you part of his retinue.
How bad is it?3
Such a disorder very rarely occurs on its own; in general, it is considered the result of the consumption of medications that affect the psyche, various neuroses, depression and other mental problems. Living with such a diagnosis is truly torture, and the world, in which illusion is the only acceptable reality, is very insidious and merciless.
Dreams are crushed, castles in the air disappear, and high hopes are not justified - depression lasts a long time. In this situation, what helps is not heart-to-heart conversations with friends and soothing tea, but a trip to a psychology specialist and a long course of therapy.
Narcissism as a character trait occurs much more often than people think and, unlike a severe disorder, does not bring danger to the individual. Self-confidence is the main indicator of the current narcissist.
