Psychological barriers: causes, types, how to overcome

Communication is such a familiar category of people’s existence in society that we simply stop noticing it. Without communication, a person, and not only a person (any living creature living in a particular society) cannot imagine himself. People communicate at home, on the street, in transport, at work, etc. We are accustomed to hearing speech and understanding it, and if we don’t understand it, then we learn the language and understand the interlocutor. However, it is not so much language barriers that become an obstacle to communication between people; there are psychological barriers to communication. You can “cross” them yourself, you just need to know how to do it right.

Difficulties and types of communication barriers

Have you ever talked to someone who clearly doesn't want to talk to you? It’s not clear why, there is an invisible wall between you and him, through which not only no information comes from him, but, as it seems to you, he understands little of your speech. It is this invisible barrier that is called a barrier to communication in psychology. There are many sources for this reason:

Person's character; Upbringing; The level of education; Age; Status in society; The current situation and more.

It should be noted with confidence that every person living on planet Earth has encountered this problem.

In the process of communication, the reasons that put a barrier between people can be conscious or unconscious. Conscious reasons are those that a person can explain to himself and his interlocutor. Unconscious, when people cannot understand and explain the origins of communication disorders. It is especially difficult to establish contact if both partners have communication difficulties.

So, what types of barriers does psychology divide communication into?

How to overcome the language barrier in English

Language sometimes turns into a barrier instead of a road. (DANIEL KEYES. FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON. DR. STRAUSS)

Calm

First conversations with a foreigner are not easy. At this moment it is important to calm down. Remember how pleasant it is when a foreigner speaks Russian with numerous errors and is not at all worried about it. We perceive it with understanding and try to help in every possible way.

Similar article: Empathy and empaths - what does it mean?

The same thing happens when you start talking. Even with basic knowledge of a foreign language, you can be understood. Try to explain yourself calmly, don’t be nervous. Foreigners are kind to everyone who tries to master their language.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

Get rid of perfectionism. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. At the initial level of honing your spoken language there will be a lot of them. And it's not scary. Foreigners are condescending and happy to communicate even with a beginner practicing foreign speech.

Take your time, try to pronounce sounds clearly

Of course, you want to immediately learn to speak English fluently. Unfortunately this is not possible. Ask your interlocutor to point out your speech errors and correct you. When taking your first steps in communication, focus on speaking correctly rather than speaking quickly.

Learn to capture the essence of the conversation

To communicate with foreigners, you need to understand what they are talking about. Watch more films and TV series in English. Don’t try to understand everything verbatim, capture the essence of what is being said.

Listen to the block of statements, rather than focusing on the translation of individual words.

Ask again

If you do not understand anything from what was said to you, ask the other person to repeat it at a slow pace, and possibly in simpler phrases. Your request will definitely be received adequately. After all, every person understands how difficult it is to perceive a non-native language by ear.

Semantic barrier

A similar barrier arises from different interpretations of words and concepts with which the interlocutor operates. This is the most common barrier, because for all people the same things are interpreted differently. For one man, the best wife is a housewife, the mother of his children, smart and beautiful, and for the second, she is the one who does not contradict him and silently sits at home with the children, without the right to vote. Therefore, the statement from men that all women are the same sounds differently. They say the same phrase, but it sounds different for everyone. Realizing that they have not found a common direction in the conversation, the interlocutors face a barrier on the path to mutual understanding and agreement. To overcome this particular barrier, the interlocutors must have an idea of ​​the world and life in which the opponent lives. You need to know the interlocutor’s turns of speech, his manner of expressing thoughts, so that there are no discrepancies in the spoken phrases. If you see that your interlocutor is confused, trying to decipher the thought that you put into this or that phrase, take your time, stop your monologue, and explain to your partner what you meant. Decipher the words and concepts that most people use in order to convey the idea to your interlocutor as clearly as possible.

How to overcome a psychological barrier

If you are increasingly monitoring the presence of psychological barriers, you should definitely think about overcoming them.

If you don’t work with this, you will soon discover such character traits in yourself as:

• lack of initiative;
• compliance;
• inability to defend one's own opinion.

Related article: How to forgive an offense - the best technique for forgiving an offense

Overcoming a psychological barrier occurs simultaneously with getting rid of internal pressures.

1. Learn to identify your feelings. When building a psychological barrier, ask yourself the question: “What am I feeling at this moment?” At the next stage, work on yourself, on overcoming the identified emotions.
2. Attend training on overcoming a certain psychological barrier. Group therapy led by a psychologist can eliminate the root causes.
3. Have cliché phrases in your vocabulary that can be easily inserted into a conversation on any topic.
4. Don't be afraid to ask questions to understand your interlocutor correctly. Ask again and clarify if you do not understand the topic of conversation.
5. Constantly engage in self-development and personal growth, thereby raising self-esteem.

Logical barrier

A logical obstacle in a conversation is the inability to formulate phrases and then express them through verbal communication. These are people who cannot find the words to express a certain situation or are unable to cope with the flow of thoughts and emotions flying through their brain. The reasons for such manifestations may be the following factors:

Lack of education; Stiffness and shyness.

When faced with such a person, be patient, listen to him with Olympian calm, and ask. Only in this case will you be able to wait for the “rational grain” of everything you hear. If you are such a person yourself, follow these rules:

Listen carefully to those people who know how to speak beautifully. Surely, among your friends there are such people; Buy educational literature. This could be a textbook on logic or a master class on the art of public speaking; Take a public speaking course.

Ask your friends to help you overcome the logic barrier through “feedback” and their recommendations.

Chapter 11 BARRIERS IN COMMUNICATION AND THEIR OVERCOMING Barriers to interaction The influence of personality types on relationships between partners Barriers to perception and understanding Communication barriers If you are faced with bad manners and rudeness How to overcome barriers to communication Questions Tasks

There are people of a ferocious disposition: they see crimes everywhere, not in the heat of passion, but out of natural inclination... Naivety, on the contrary, excuses everything - and not out of intent, but out of thoughtlessness. B. Gracian (Spanish philosopher and writer of the 17th century) Business communication, unlike friendly communication, is entered into out of necessity. At the same time, contact with some business partners is easy, while with others only the interests of the business force you to continue the relationship. The feeling of discomfort and communication barriers is not conducive to fruitful business contacts and can lead to conflicts. In order to prevent things from becoming stressful, you need to learn how to prevent the emergence of communication barriers, and if they do arise, to successfully overcome them. Let's look at the main obstacles to fruitful communication. Barriers to interaction A motivational barrier arises if partners have different motives for entering into contact, for example: one is interested in developing a common cause, and the other is only interested in immediate profit, that is, each of the partners pursues goals that run counter to the intentions of the other party and does not talk about this is open. It is better to find out each other’s intentions from the very beginning and agree on the motives for cooperation. If this fails, the collaboration is doomed to failure. The situation of concluding a deal or business agreement in which each partner pursues his own goals of entering into contact deserves a separate discussion. To ensure that none of the partners feels “offended” after concluding an agreement, it is necessary to find a solution that satisfies the interests of both parties. Such a solution is found through negotiations. Consideration of this issue is beyond the scope of this manual (see recommended reading at the end of the book). An ethical barrier arises when interaction with a partner is hampered by a moral position that is incompatible with yours. Whether to compromise is up to everyone to decide for themselves. But trying to re-educate or shame a partner is not recommended. Communication style barrier. As you know, each person has his own communication style. It depends on a person’s temperament, his character, his worldview. Communication style is formed under the influence of upbringing, environment, and profession. The content of the communication style is: - the predominant motive of communication (interaction, self-affirmation, emotional support, etc.); — attitude towards other people (gentleness, goodwill, tolerance or cruelty, rationalism, egocentrism, prejudice, etc.); - attitude towards oneself (narcissism, recognition of one’s shortcomings, defending the “honor of the uniform”, imposing one’s opinion, etc.); - the nature of the influence on people (pressure, coercion, manipulation, cooperation, personal example, non-interference, etc.). The external manifestation of style is the manner of behavior and characteristics of speech, the intensity and very nature of a person’s communication. If a person is business-oriented, he tries not to waste time, is collected, organized, and values ​​business qualities in people. This is what they say - a business man, he has a business style. At the same time, in business communication one can distinguish partner and non-partner communication styles. The first is truly businesslike, while the second makes business communication difficult and ineffective. They differ mainly in the ability and desire to take into account the positions, opinions, and assessments of the partner. A partnership style of communication means a high degree of cooperation in developing a common position on the issue under discussion. They listen to the partner without interrupting, do not hastily evaluate his actions, try to understand and be understood by others, do not impose or ask for advice, but look for a solution to the problem together with the partner. With a non-partnership style of communication, a person listens inattentively or allows himself not to be listened to, ignores the interlocutor’s point of view or unconditionally accepts it, imposes his own solution to a problem or asks for advice, encourages a partner to take immediate action or acts rashly himself, in a word, there is no cooperation. Based on the degree and nature of interference in the activities and behavior of another person, the following communication styles can be distinguished: altruistic - a person strives to please people, helps them achieve their goals; 1 See: Kunitsyna V.I. Communication style and its formation. - L. Knowledge, 1985. P. 14-15. manipulative - communication uses means of influence, pressure and coercion of a partner for one’s own purposes; missionary - the partner strives to maintain a distance in communication, observes non-interference in the affairs and judgments of the interlocutor, and influences by personal example. Depending on the need for communication and its external manifestation, it is not difficult to distinguish between the communication style of an extrovert and an introvert. Extraversion is the focus of the activity of consciousness and psyche on the outside world, introversion is directed inside the individual. Extroverts are very sociable people. They are happy to talk about themselves and ask questions, they laugh willingly, but they can be unrestrained. Introverts, on the contrary, are reserved and calm, laugh little, are withdrawn, and tend to be alone. Extraversion and introversion can be expressed in a particular person to a greater or lesser extent. The communication style of one person, expressing his inner essence, may be poorly compatible with the communication style of another. If a person accustomed to a partner communication style encounters a non-partner style, he, with desire and certain skills, can achieve interaction (this issue is discussed in detail in Chapter 14). But if people encounter a non-partnership style of communication, there is no need to talk about cooperation. This will be a relationship of the type of dominance-subordination or conflict. The result of meetings between an altruist and a manipulator can also be sad. Often it is the altruists who become the “victims” of the latter. It is interesting that manipulators cannot stand altruists: it is difficult for them to believe that a person does everything selflessly, and they consider such people even more cunning than themselves. (See Chapter 13 on how to resist manipulation.) To the average person, an extrovert appears loud, intemperate, and intrusively outspoken, while a quiet introvert appears arrogant or intimidating. He may get the impression that the first one does not respect him, and the second one does not like him or is afraid. How can you ensure that your partner’s communication style does not become an obstacle to communicating with him? It should be realized that a person’s behavior style is a manifestation of his deep essential characteristics; and whatever our attitude may be, it should be accepted if it does not interfere with the matter. An expressive extrovert will be easier to tolerate if you look at him as a talented actor who entertains you; and a silent introvert can be grateful for the fact that he saves his and your energy, and if a lot of it accumulates, you can “discharge” with friends, family and neighbors. It is useful to become aware of your own communication style. And, if the sad discovery follows that he is not a partner, start working on yourself: determine your psychological position in communication (see Chapter 14), find its origins, control yourself in communication, keep a diary of introspection. The manipulator can be advised to seriously think not only about the pros and cons of his communication style, but also about his overall life strategy: what do you really want most in life, and is this achieved through manipulation? The altruist lives by the motto: “I hasten to do good!” But does the good that you rush to do to another person always benefit him? Does he ask you for this, does he feel the need for your help, or have you decided what exactly he needs now? And then, aren’t you offering fish to the hungry instead of teaching them how to catch them? Let's remember that the ability to communicate is the ability to live: And if we want to live in harmony with ourselves and others, we need to improve our communication style and help those who need it. The influence of personality types on relationships between partners As already noted, an essential characteristic of communication style is the attitude towards people, which reflects certain psychological needs and, consequently, different attitudes towards communication. The following positions of the individual in relation to the partner can be distinguished:1. The malleable type is characterized by a high need for another person, for the closest possible psychological distance, the need to be loved, to feel approval, attention, the desire to be important to another, especially to one specific person. Such people are concerned about the attitude of others towards them, they like to give orders, but they also do not mind being commanded. They try to choose professions where they are provided with intensive communication, where they have the opportunity to work with people and be useful to them. Subconsciously they ask their partner all the time: “Do you love me? Will you let me take care of you? They exhibit an extroverted style in communication and are often altruistic. 1 See: Kunitsyna V.I. Communication style and its formation. - L.: Knowledge, 1985. P. 12-13. Aggressive type - perceives the other person as a rival. He has a very high need to achieve success in any form, the ability to control others. Such people do not tolerate “losses” well and often involuntarily strive to manipulate others. They choose prestigious professions that ensure rapid advancement. Subconscious question to your partner: “Are you a strong opponent? How can you help me?” The style of communication with such an attitude towards people is non-partnership, and not only command, but also its second variety - submissive, since in subordination there is a hidden hostile attitude towards the partner, and this is the essence of aggressiveness. Among people of this type there are many manipulators. Detached type . Seeks to maintain distance (emotional and psychological) between himself and other people. His need is independence and privacy. People of this type usually avoid connections, contacts, and obligations. Submission to accepted rules, norms and traditions often causes disgust and disagreement in them. They strive for professions where there is the possibility of creative and original work (science, art). The subconscious attitude in communicating with partners of people of a detached style: “Will you encroach on my independence?” They exhibit an introverted style in communication. Business type . The world of business is dominated by people for whom the interests of the business are above all, and in relation to a communication partner they proceed from how useful this person can be. 1 See: Kolominsky Ya.L., Popova I.S. The influence of the style of relationship and communication between the manager and subordinates on the effectiveness of their activities. - Minsk, 1990. P. 8. Let us now assume that interlocutors have come into contact, one of whom values ​​human relationships most of all (let’s call him partner A), and the other - the interests of the business (partner B). Here they are agreeing on cooperation or discussing some situation. To Partner A, Partner B may seem “too businesslike” and soulless. Partner A may also decide that B did not like him. Partner B may consider partner A to be annoying and tactless. His attention to the interlocutor can be interpreted as the fact that Partner A is not very interested in the matter and has something else on his mind. What if a “pliable” type and a “detached” type meet? “Pliable” partner A will be horrified by the “unfriendly” nature of partner B. His reluctance to talk about himself, evasive answers to questions, aloof appearance, suppression of “unnecessary” questions can be regarded as bad manners, or even rudeness. And Partner B will probably remember with a shudder the meeting with Partner A, who, in his opinion, was “getting into his soul” all the time. The aggressive type certainly makes a negative impression. The “compliant” person, who is ready to help everyone, may find it offensive and unfair that the “aggressive” one sees him as a rival. The “detached” one will withdraw even more and try to never meet such a partner again. Analyzing all possible options for contacts between people of different types in relation to a partner, we come to the conclusion that it is best for “business” with “business”, and “pliable” with “pliable”. For the “aggressive”, business contact leads to a struggle for influence, and two “detached” partners are unlikely to agree on anything at all. Of course, the spectrum of relationships towards a partner is richer than the four types, but each person still gravitates towards one or another of the relationships described above. If you consider yourself to be a “pliable” type, you probably have a lot of friends, and on your birthday you hear a lot of good words about yourself from them. And you should take it for granted that not everyone treats people as cordially as you do, that this is one of the possible positions in relation to others. Treat the “detached” type with understanding: in a certain sense, it is more difficult for him in this life. He has his own world, and it is his right not to let anyone in there. And he regrets it, perhaps, only on his birthday. Unfortunately, there are not many guests at his table. And one can feel sorry for the “aggressive” one. For him, life is a continuous struggle. But he could have a friend in you! Understand the “business” person too. Perhaps you should borrow something from him? After all, it’s not easy for you yourself because you strive to turn every business contact into a friendly one and are no longer able to remember and fulfill all your obligations? The “aggressive” type can be advised to relax, stop eating for “miscalculations”, and not exhaust yourself with options for “bypassing” your opponents. Look around! The world of human relations is much more complex and richer. This is not a stadium where everyone runs to the finish line on sports tracks. Rather, it can be compared to a dance hall, where couples and group dances are performed, each to their own music. The “detached” type is the most isolated. Respecting his individuality, we urge you to understand that not only is it not easy for him with us, but it is not easy for us with him! If you consider yourself to be a detached person, be more friendly in business contacts - this will help in solving your problems. The “business” type is created for business, and success in it is guaranteed. Well, what about your personal life? Doesn't a business person's birthday feel like a meeting? The barrier towards us is one of the most serious. We can call happy those who do not have such obstacles in their path or manage to overcome them easily. “A person’s heart is entirely woven from his human relationships with other people: what he is worth is entirely determined by what kind of relationships he is able to establish with another person.”1 Barriers to perception and understanding An aesthetic barrier arises if the partner is untidy, sloppily dressed, the situation in his office, the appearance of his desk are not conducive to conversation. It is difficult to overcome the internal obstacle to conversation, and nevertheless, if this contact is very necessary, we cannot show that something offends us. Comfortable communication can be hampered by the different social status of partners, especially if one of them is used to being in awe of their superiors. The following pre-conversation attitude helps to get rid of this attitude: “The boss is a person just like me. He has all human weaknesses. You can imagine his wife scolding him or his daughter not listening. There are many bosses above him. I have no reason to worry. I will speak calmly and simply, hoping for understanding. I respect my business, myself, and he will feel it.” 1 S.L. Rubinshtein. Quoted from: Kunitsyna V.N. Communication style and its formation. -L.: Knowledge, 1995. P.3. The barrier of negative emotions arises when communicating with an upset person. If a partner who is usually polite to you greets you unkindly, talks without raising his eyes, etc., do not rush to take it personally and look for the reason in a change in his attitude towards you: perhaps he is not able to cope with bad things. mood due to the progress of his own affairs, family troubles, or he was pissed off by a previous visitor. Knowing that this is possible, you should, when you arrive at the meeting in advance, try to find out what the situation is in the institution and what the mood of the business partner is. Sometimes it is better to postpone the conversation to another time. If this is not possible, you should work at the beginning of the conversation to help your partner improve their emotional state (see Chapter 16). A person’s state of health, physical or spiritual, also affects how he communicates, and for people suffering from various neuroses, high blood pressure, gastritis, experiencing personal turmoil or depression, it can serve as an obstacle to productive communication. It is not difficult for observant people to guess from external signs what is happening to a person, to choose the appropriate tone and words, and perhaps to shorten the time of communication so as not to tire the interlocutor who is not feeling well. Often people in this condition, as well as for special personal reasons, try to avoid contact altogether. The psychological defense built by your partner is one of the serious barriers to communication. Perhaps your indifferent, unfriendly, taciturn colleague or other, prickly, like a hedgehog, needs not condemnation, but understanding, inner sympathy? Having realized that the barrier in communicating with an inconvenient employee or partner is caused by his desire to defend himself, try to change your attitude towards him, and the difficulties in communicating with such a person will gradually disappear. The barrier to constructive communication is the attitude barrier. (The influence of the attitude on perception was considered in Chapter 8.) Your business partner may have a negative attitude towards the company or organization that you are a representative. Therefore, it is better to go to a business meeting after the recommendation of an authoritative person. If there is no one and I had to face the installation barrier, it is better not to convince a partner or employees that you are not like others. Calmly relate to hostility as the manifestation of human ignorance, weakness, lack of culture, simple ignorance. Then the unfair attitude will not hurt you, and soon it will disappear at all, since your affairs and actions will force your partner to change their opinion. The double barrier lies in the fact that we involuntarily judge each person by itself, expect from a business partner such an act that would be done in his place. And then we are indignant: "I would never have done so!" That's the whole thing. I! But he is different. His position in this situation is determined by his moral standards, his attitudes. So that the barrier does not arise, it is necessary to develop the ability to decent. Communicative barriers to the incompetence of one of the partners causes a feeling of annoyance, a feeling of lost time. Yes, in fact, the way it is. Therefore, it is very important to deal with a knowledgeable specialist, and if an error has occurred, behave according to the situation: if the partner does not understand the problem at all, the conversation is polite to turn polite; If he owns the question partially and there is no one else to turn to, to introduce him to the course of business, without emphasizing his greater awareness. The inability of the partner clearly and consistently express his thoughts greatly interferes with communication. Those who are faced with such an interlocutor can sympathize. You will have to be patient and use all your ability to listen, ask questions in order to get at least some information from a partner. The bad technique of the partner’s speech, slurred speech, tongue twister, very quiet or, conversely, a piercing voice can get out of their own way. But if you are interested in contact with this particular partner, you will have to adapt to his manner to speak, and even not show the view that you are unhappy with something! The inability to listen is manifested in the fact that the partner is breaking, begins to talk about his own or goes into his own thoughts and does not react to your words at all. It is possible to compensate for the inability of the partner to listen only to your art. Modular barrier. Ignorance that each person has his own priority perception channel (see chapter 8) often makes communication difficult. Here is an example of ineffective communication: the first interlocutor: “Imagine ...” The second interlocutor: “Listen to me ...” Truly, they speak different languages! In the household sphere, this leads to misunderstanding and resentment. For example, the mother tells the son: “How many times you repeat:“ Go eat! ”. It is not surprising if the visual son does not react. The words would be significant for him: "Look what lunch is today!" Or such a sketch. The wife indignantly says to her husband: “When will you throw these terrible slippers? It's scary to look at them! " He objects: "They are good, it is convenient for me in them." Obviously, she is a visual, and he is a kinesthetic, and not the appearance of the shoes is important to him, but his sensations in it. The misunderstanding of the existence of people in different modalities complicates relations in the business sphere. For example: on the table the boss has such an order that the eye is happy. And his subordinate has a cavard, in which he is surprisingly well oriented. To all the boss’s remarks, the subordinate answers the table: “It’s so convenient for me” and does not understand why they cling to him. The boss sincerely considers this type of table by the outrage, and the subordinate - inaccurate and also a obstinate worker. And it is unknown to both that each of them has its own way of perception of the world: the eyes are primarily supplied to one information, the other - hands. Knowing that each person has a certain priority channel of perception makes us more tolerant, and the ability to determine it allows us to find an adequate language of communication with a specific interlocutor, make contact with him not only conflict -free, but also effective. So, in order for a modal barrier to not arise in the communicative act, you need to transmit information in the modality in which the partner is ready to perceive it, in the form in which it is clear to him. The character barrier also creates difficulties in communication. Each person has his own character, but educated people who own people know how to behave so that their character is not a source of conflict or even discomfort. Not everyone, however, wants and knows how to understand themselves and control themselves. People with pronounced temperament features can be uncomfortable interlocutors. A mobile interlocutor (extraverted sanguine) quickly thinks, quickly says, jumps from one topic to another, because everything seems clear to him. It is difficult to follow the course of his reasoning, but it is impossible to interrupt - it is angry. It is recommended that such an interlocutor speak out to the end and only then clarify something or even return to the start of the conversation. Such people should be appreciated as generators of ideas. The dominant interlocutor (extrovert chorer) loves to lead in a conversation. He speaks loudly, peremptory tone, insists on his opinion. Try to put such an interlocutor in place - you will get a conflict. It is better, remaining in his opinion, to allow him to speak out as he wants, and then at the decisive moment quietly, but firmly insist on his own, and if he agrees (perhaps he is right), then with dignity. Rigid interlocutor (introvert-phlegmatic) is a “sedentary” interlocutor. He thinks slowly, discusses in detail the circumstances of the case. Everything is clear to you for a long time, but it is impossible to adjust it. These people are valuable as experts or criticism of ideas, and in a conversation with them you just need to gain patience. A passive interlocutor (introvert melancholic) does not find his reaction, does not express his conversation with him is difficult. The method of active hearing should be applied: to ask questions to paraphrase, etc. And try to find out his opinion. Silence is far from always a sign of consent. To be able to conduct a conversation with all business partners - isn't that the indicator of a high culture of communication? If you are faced with irrelevance and rudeness, impolite, that barrier that prevents and perceive your partner prevents, and understand what he says and interact with him. Unfortunately, the manifestations of non -manifestation are not uncommon. The partner is late for the meeting, or welcomes you with a nod of the head, without looking up from the papers, or breaks off the half -word with the phrase: “What are you saying?” etc. No matter how upset you are or even outraged by his behavior, this cannot be shown. A remark about being late will not cheer the mood of both sides; It is better to express hope after the conversation that the next time the meeting will begin on time. An impolite treatment can be stopped calm, without irritation, with your own politeness. Self -esteem should suggest how to behave in each particular case. There are situations when you are forced to listen to a fair or unjust expression of indignation. Remember that your goal is cooperation, not a conflict. Of course, when a person is rude, there is a desire to immediately sharply put him in place. But this can lead to a bickering. Another thing is if you answer in a cold and calm tone. On many, this acts sobering. There are other ways to calm the indignant interlocutor. If the interlocutor is outraged or screaming, it is recommended to apply the “alien role” technique - enter the position of this person, look at the situation with his eyes. It is worth saying to a person: “I understand you,” and there is an opportunity to constructively lead a conversation. The sympathetic attitude towards the indignant partner removes tension when you assent: "Yes, you are right." Usually after this the intensity of passions weakens. The reception of self -accusation works well when the partner screams because it is wrong. You apologize, and, as a rule, the partner calms down in bewilderment. And then he begins to apologize himself! A tense environment can be discharged with a joke. But it will give the desired effect only when you are sure that your partner has a sense of humor. The harsh tone, or even unfair accusations, can calmly be calm. If you give out your emotions, there will be a scandal. To endure silently, counting up to ten is also not a way out, since the restraint of negative emotions is destructive for the body. But the situation is resolved: “Unfortunately, we completely ignore the obvious fact that emotions as a physiological phenomenon are in the same way aside and training as our muscles. Therefore, from a psychophysical point of view, we can talk not about the “detention” of emotions and not about their unhindered exit into external activities, but about their rational transformation into conflict -free useful activity, ”said Academician P.K. Anokhin1. What activity are we talking about? You can apply the techniques of “removal”: it is unobtrusive to consider the screaming, focusing on some little things in his suit, or to look at the hairstyle. You can reflect on his marital status, age, beloved lesson; Consider the eyes, a change in the complexion due to scream, fix the holdings of breathing. It is useful to analyze speech: features of the pronunciation of words, the wealth of vocabulary and intonation, successful speech turns, mistakes in pronouncing words and building phrases. You can concentrate on your sensations, breathing, pulse, monitor your condition: I will explode - I will not explode. These techniques allow you to transfer adverse effects without stress. Dissolled and without getting you, the partner usually feels awkward, or even feels guilty. In this state, he is ready to continue contact, and now it all depends on your desire, which is determined by the need to communicate with this person. 1 Anokhin P.K. Emotional stresses as a prerequisite for the development of neurogenic diseases of the cardiovascular system // Vestn. USSR Academy of Medical Sciences. - 1965. S. 18. In order not to arise a barrier of impolite to communicate with you, be attentive to the partner from the very first minute of the meeting. Gracefully greet, express the request in the correct form, do not forget to thank for the service. If you contact you, and you are forced to refuse, do it so as not to offend your partner. Goodbye goodbye after any meeting. How to overcome barriers in communication life pushes us with different people. And very rarely gives those in communication with which barriers do not arise. Therefore, one should be condescending to the manifestations of non -communituralness and be able to make communication conflict. For this, the following is necessary: ​​1. Respect the interlocutor, whatever he is. 2. Try to understand what causes a person’s behavior, which is unpleasant for us (see Ch. 8). 3. have self -esteem. 4. Be able to control yourself in communication. 5. So build your behavior in order to reduce or eliminate the barrier. Questions 1. How are the features of perception related to the emergence of perception barriers? Consider the pairs: the presence of stereotypes in the perception and the installation barrier; the dependence of perception on the state of the perceiving subject and the barrier of negative emotions; Lack of decentration and barrier double. 2. In what direction should you work on yourself so as not to cause communicative barriers? Tasks I. Analyze your relationship with others. If in communication with one of them you feel discomfort, try to determine the cause of this. How can you improve your relationship, make communication useful and pleasant? II. Determine whether you own the skills of a person who is pleasant in communication. Below are questions from the book of A.V. Dobrovich "Communication: Science and Art." 1. Do you know how to say hello so that you smile back? 2. Do you know how to interrupt the long conversation so that the interlocutor is not offended by you? 3. Do you know how to discharge the situation with a joke, cool boiled passions? 4. Do you know how to refuse a person who has addressed you with a tactless or untimely request, so as not to interrupt relations with him? 5. If you are rude to you, can you not respond with rudeness? Are you able to calmly answer Grubyan or in another way to besiege it? 6. Do you know how to say goodbye so that you want to see you again?

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Phonetic barrier

This expression of one’s thoughts is not accurate and is not clear to the opponent. This makes it very difficult to perceive the information you convey. If you suspect that your speaking technique is not professional enough, but you need to keep the attention of your interlocutor at all costs, there are several recommendations:

Barriers in business communication can be overcome in the following way: listen to your interlocutor and adapt to his manner of expressing thoughts and speaking. It will be especially kind of you to ask questions about the topic of the conversation; It is easier to overcome barriers in informal communication - you explain to your interlocutor that you do not understand him, and together you look for a way out of the situation. You just need to do this very gently and tactfully so as not to offend the person.

Modality barrier

A person is able to perceive the world around him using five senses:

Vision; Hearing; Smell; Touch; Taste.

However, for each person there is a priority organ, based on the perception of which we draw our own picture of the world. This is called modality. A person with an auditory modality perceives visual or tactile information with a lesser degree of intelligibility. To determine the modality of your interlocutor, show him photographs, graphs, turn on audio recordings or videos, touch. Reinforce each action with appropriate verbs: see, hear, feel, etc.

Personal barrier

A personal barrier is placed between people if one of the interlocutors, for a certain reason, does not like the other. However, some people are more tolerant of the shortcomings of others, so it is easier for them to overcome their feelings of hostility. Otherwise, communication between people becomes impossible. This comes from the lack of self-control of someone who cannot stop in their feelings of discomfort or has those shortcomings that irritate the interlocutor: slowness, bad manners, fussiness, etc. Do not hesitate to be considered an ignoramus; tell your interlocutor what irritates you so much in his behavior. However, do not forget that we are all not without shortcomings, so control yourself.

Motivational barrier

This barrier occurs in cases where people have different motives for entering into a conversation. For example, you want to talk with your husband about going on vacation, and he wants to discuss with you the problem of buying a new car. In this case, people will not only not understand each other, it can lead to conflict in the family. In order to avoid troubles, before starting a conversation, voice the topic you want to talk about.

Barrier of incompetence

This barrier often occurs between employees. The interlocutor is annoyed by the incompetence of the other, due to this, feelings such as:

Anger; Annoyance; Feeling of wasted time, etc.

There are two ways out of this situation:

Unobtrusively explain to a person that he is incompetent in this matter and help him achieve perfection; End the conversation and do not bring it up again on this topic with this interlocutor.

The choice can be made based on your goals.

Negative Attitude Barrier, or Prejudicial Attitude

Imagine: you are about to communicate with a person about whom you have only heard bad reviews. You go into a meeting with a negative attitude and a prejudiced attitude. This is the communication barrier. How does it show up at a meeting:

• instead of a smile and a positive greeting, you frown and greet in a stern voice;
• you take every word a person says with hostility;
• looking for a catch in everything.

But, perhaps, those people from whom you heard bad things were themselves to blame for the fact that communication did not work out, and in front of you is a completely adequate person. But the installation has done its job - your communication with him is also not going well. For example: the interlocutor is used to deciding everything quickly and only to the point, and you, under the influence of an attitude, take his direct statements as rudeness and already accuse him of this.

What to do: rely only on your idea of ​​people. If you are not yet familiar, then adhere to the belief: “All people are good. And if this is not so, then let a specific person himself convince me otherwise.” God himself bequeathed this: “The commandment that He left us says this: he who loves God must also love his brother” (RBO, I John 4:21). By brother here we mean any person - close or unfamiliar.

Communication style barrier

All people have their own communication style, which depends on the following factors:

Character; Impulsivity; Education; Professional features, etc.

A person’s communication style is formed over the years, and changing it, if not impossible, is extremely difficult. The motivators of the communication style of people in society are:

Self-affirmation in society; Support; Desire to communicate; Attitude towards others; Attitude towards oneself; Manner of influence on others, etc.

As a rule, an interlocutor pursuing a certain goal has to accept the communication style of another person.

Barrier of inability to hear and listen to the interlocutor

This barrier is caused by a person’s inattention to other people’s problems, bad manners or lack of interest in the topic of conversation. More often, people who are fixated on their own “I” and their problems suffer from the inability to listen to their interlocutor. If you need this communication, speak in such a way that the person becomes interested in listening to you. Change the topic of conversation, but as a result return to the idea that you are trying to convey to him. In this case, communication through gestures, facial expressions, and changes in intonation helps.

The following categories of people are most likely to encounter communication barriers:

Unconfident; Ill-mannered; Whose level of education is below average; Distrustful and suspicious; Self-centered; Prone to manipulating other people; Trying to benefit from everything that happens around them; Dissatisfied with themselves, their life and position in society.

This list is endless. The main thing is that if you feel that in any development of events, a barrier in communication arises between you and your interlocutor, look for the true reasons for its appearance, work on yourself, but do not stop communicating.

Causes of a psychological barrier

American psychologists conducted a survey in 2014 in which they found that 30% of people regularly have problems communicating. Their main complaints were internal anxiety, discomfort and uncontrollable fear.

• An inner feeling of fear of being misunderstood;
• An unfamiliar environment causes a stressful situation;
• Anxiety about making mistakes due to lack of practical experience;
• Conversations with new people are difficult due to anxiety and uncertainty.

This behavior is typical of a certain category of people who have:

• Low self-esteem;
• Closed character;
• Internal feeling of fear of uncertainty;
• Internal conflict with oneself.

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