Teenagers: a difficult age. How to help your child during the transition period?

The specifics of adolescence differ depending on gender. The transitional stage in girls has its own characteristics, primarily related to the reproductive system. What are the developmental features of teenage girls, what situations await parents and what risks arise? How to navigate adolescence wisely? Read more about this.

First, I want to mention that in this article I adhere to classical periodizations, and not modern proposals to extend adolescence to 24 years. You can read about why I hold this opinion in the article “Transition and crisis in adolescents - advice from a psychologist.”

Based on the analysis of different age periodizations, we can say that in girls, adolescence lasts from 10 (12) years to 15 (16) years. At the same time, the peak of negative reactions is the period from 11 to 13 years. And the peak of emotional instability occurs at 13-15 years. In girls, the negative phase in 70% of cases ends with literary work (letters, diaries, poems).

What is adolescence and when does it begin?

Adolescence is usually called the period from 10-11 to 15-16 years. It is called transitional, since at this time the child moves from a child's model of behavior to an adult. There is a change in self-esteem and perception of oneself in society. The ability to perceive the environment critically, analyze and draw one’s own conclusions, and consciously appropriate certain moral values ​​offered by society appears.

In addition, during this period the teenager experiences serious physiological changes.

Physiological reasons

Puberty is the age when the body grows most actively. Development proceeds in fits and starts, unevenly. Over the course of a year, a child can grow by 7-10 centimeters and increase body weight by 5-9 kilograms. The skeleton becomes stronger, the muscles improve. The heart muscle grows rapidly in length and width, blood pressure and the rhythm of the heart change.

Along with the intensive growth of the body, the shape of the body also changes. Gender characteristics develop, hormonal levels change, the endocrine system is rebuilt, and the endocrine glands are activated. Moreover, puberty in girls begins 1-2 years earlier and ends by 15-16 years. At the age of 10-12 years, they outstrip boys in height. However, by the age of 15-16, boys are already significantly taller than girls and continue to grow until they are 18-20 years old.

It is very difficult for the nervous system to adapt to changes, since it simply does not have time to adapt to active growth. Therefore, the psyche is often in a state of excessive excitement or, conversely, tries to slow down the processes and goes into pronounced inhibition.

Due to all the physiological changes, temporary disorders develop in the child’s body:

• jumps in blood pressure – hypertension is often observed, but hypotension is also a normal option;
• dizziness, headaches;
• poor concentration, distracted attention;
• rapid heartbeat (tachycardia), a feeling of tightness in the heart area;
• dyspnea;
• fainting conditions;
• fast fatiguability;
• increased excitability, sleep disorders.

Physiological processes directly affect the health and behavior of a teenager. In order for the body to be fully formed and the growth spurt to be successful, it is necessary to provide high-quality support for the processes: proper nutrition, saturation of the diet with vitamins and microelements, adequate physical activity.

It is important to consider that there are significant individual differences in physical development and puberty. The age at which active changes begin in a child’s body may deviate from group norms, and this should not cause concern.

Relationships with parents and loved ones of a teenager. How should the older generation behave and what to expect?

• During adolescence, the child leaves the care of his parents. If in childhood he perceived parental assessments and demands as correct by definition, in adolescence the child begins to evaluate what is happening around him from the point of view of his personal perception. He realizes that he has his own preferences, likes and aspirations, which do not always coincide with the opinions of adults
• In relation to parents, during this period the teenager seeks to distance himself from their care and patronage, to demonstrate his maturity and independence. However, this does not mean that the teenager is ready to give up communication with his parents in general. It’s just that his communication during this period reaches a whole new level.
• It often seems to parents that the child is showing causeless aggression and stubbornness, and the only thing that motivates him is to do everything out of spite. But misunderstanding is most likely caused by the child’s inability due to age to express his true emotions, and the parents’ reluctance to understand him. As a result, the child develops a feeling of loneliness and isolation
• It is important to understand that the child suffers emotionally from conflicts no less than the parents. But, without sufficient experience in adult relationships, the teenager is unable to understand the reason for mutual dissatisfaction and does not know what to do to resolve the conflict

It is also necessary to understand that the hormonal revolution of the teenage body causes uncontrollable outbursts of emotions that the child is physically unable to control.

Phases of the teenage crisis

Psychologist Lev Semenovich Vygotsky identified three basic phases in the teenage crisis:

1. Negative, or pre-crisis . The earliest stage, which can show the first signs as early as 9-10 years. Characterized by the beginning of a transition to a new type of interaction with others. The child begins to abandon the old value system, breaks stereotypes, changes his attitude towards himself and others. Childhood relationships with parents no longer suit him, but he is not yet ready for an adult system of interaction. The child develops new interests, different views, and the environment begins to change.
2. Directly crisis stage . Often this stage reaches its peak at 13-15 years of age. It can manifest itself in different ways: from maximum protest, conflict and irritability in all areas of life, to a gradual transition to new roles, relationships and self-perception. New ways of thinking develop, new opportunities and interests appear. The teenager defends his opinion and the ability to make decisions independently, and separates himself from parental influence and control.
3. Positive, or post-crisis . It is considered the final stage of the pubertal crisis. During this period, the teenager already forms values ​​and priorities, determines the vector of further development and interests. Puberty is almost over, your place in society among your peers is determined. The teenager strengthens the core of interests and continues to develop them in the future.

It is impossible to say exactly how long each phase lasts. In many ways, the duration of the stages depends not only on the teenager, but also on the correct reaction of parents to the manifestations of the crisis.

Tips for parents

It is important to know what you need to be prepared for, what is the conventional norm, what deviations from it are acceptable and in what cases you need to sound the alarm. And of course, trust your intuition, listen to it, you know your daughter better than any specialists, pediatricians and experts.

But the most important thing is to build a trusting relationship with your child so that she can trust you, then in overcoming any difficulties you will be allies and together you will be able to cope with all problems. Surround your daughter with care and affection, constantly tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. And then you will all get through this difficult period together with the least sacrifices. Remember that her future depends on your support and help.

Results

Self-knowledge is the basis of adolescence. For girls, the leading role is taken by planning their future family life, finding a potential husband, and creating their ideal. The girl evaluates her success through success in interpersonal relationships.

The entire adolescence period can be described as critical. Don't make things worse. Most of all, a teenage girl expects wise advice, support, and understanding from you.

Adolescence is in many ways similar for boys and girls, so in addition I recommend reading the article “Adolescence in boys - advice from a psychologist.” There you will also find additional recommendations for interacting with your young lady and references to literature.

Be who you want your child to be! After all, he will still copy the main features from you.

Sexual development

It goes in two directions:

• awareness of one's own bodily sexuality;
• searching for a soul mate and love, romanticizing relationships.

S. Buller noted that there is also mental puberty. It can arise long before physical maturation and end after it. In simple terms, this is the desire to be with someone, to complement each other, which, according to the author’s theory, is characteristic of all people. Thus, we can say that this is precisely the direction of romanticism, relationships without sexual overtones: conversations, spending time together.

Gender identification is one of the new developments of age. That is, the formation of sexual orientation and self-perception of a teenager by gender occurs. Gender identification can be biological or psychological. Their discrepancy is fraught with intrapersonal conflict and sexual behavior disorders.

Scientists have noted that the formation of gender identification is more influenced by sociocultural factors than biological ones. That is, the decisive role is played by the patterns and stereotypes cultivated in society, as well as by the conditions of the teenager’s environment.

Emotional sphere

Girls experience any emotions more clearly than boys. They perceive everything as highly significant, vital, and important.

• The peak of emotionality occurs at the age of 13-14, then decreases.
• A new surge occurs at 18 years of age.

Often these outbursts are called the crisis of adolescence. Emotional and mood swings are characteristic: sadness and despair are replaced by euphoria and joy. In general, girls have a predominant manic-depressive state, which is caused by hormonal and somatic changes with low self-awareness and acceptance.

The role of the family in the formation of a teenage girl

The task of parents in solving this problem is to contribute, that is, first of all, to create:

• favorable intra-family relationships;
• psychologically comfortable conditions for the development of a teenage girl.

It is also necessary to conduct educational conversations, promptly introduce the girl to the changes in her body (primarily talk about menstruation, pregnancy), describe the pros and cons of these changes, that is, the advantages and risks.

It is important to show by personal example the value of a healthy lifestyle. It is unacceptable for your words and actions to diverge. Divergence of parental positions in education is also unacceptable.

A common but erroneous opinion is that in the family there should be prohibitions on discussing any topics, for example, sex. Or sometimes parents feel embarrassed. There shouldn't be any taboos. A girl should and has the right to know about her function as a woman and a future mother. Illiteracy is often the root cause of deviant behavior. If you can’t talk on your own, give them a book, video cassette, or disk.

Features of the crisis in girls and boys

Puberty progresses differently in girls and boys. In girls, as a rule, symptoms of the transition period begin to appear at the age of 10-11 years. At the same time, the signs of crisis are rather weakly expressed in them. Boys enter adolescence later - from about 12-13 years old. But the course of the crisis period is much more pronounced. This is mainly due to the fact that society traditionally has stricter requirements for boys and men than for girls and women.

In adolescent boys, the following traits are most pronounced:

• Aggression, anger . Behavior changes in relationships both with peers and with adults - parents, teachers. This is mainly due to an increase in testosterone production in the body.
• Sudden outbursts of emotions . Mood swings, like unreasonable aggression, are caused by hormonal changes.
• Dulled feeling of fear . Teenagers often engage in extreme sports and decide to take rash actions. The reason is also a change in testosterone levels.
• The desire for independence . Boys want to be seen as grown men. To do this, they need to solve problems on their own, which is not always possible for a teenager. The inability to cope with troubles on your own causes a disturbance in mental balance.
• The desire to lead a lifestyle typical of adult men . Teenagers want to do loud things and even heroic deeds. However, they do not always realize the consequences of rash actions.
• Interest in intimate aspects of life . Manifests itself in a strong attraction to the opposite sex.
• Preoccupation with appearance . It is wrong to think that boys are less concerned about their appearance than girls. Changes in appearance make teenagers vulnerable, and dissatisfaction with their own appearance leads to isolation, uncertainty, and low self-esteem. They do not tolerate criticism of themselves, and they perceive any rash comment as negatively as possible.

In girls, adolescence is accompanied by the following symptoms:

• Concern with appearance . Girls are acutely aware of their inconsistency with generally accepted canons of beauty. This is developing especially clearly against the backdrop of the popularization of social networks. They want to be like their beautiful friends, artists, influencers. They begin to follow fashion and want to dress in trendy things.
• Desire to attract attention . Teenagers strive to show how interesting their inner world is and how unusual their views on life are. To attract attention, they use provocative behavior, dress in too flashy outfits, apply expressive makeup, and dye their hair bright colors.
• Mood swings . In girls, as in boys, hormonal fluctuations cause mood swings, irritability, outbursts of anger and aggression.
• Interest in the opposite sex . Unlike boys, girls are more interested in platonic love. Often at this age they fall in love. If the first love turns out to be unrequited, this can lead to serious complications of the crisis - isolation, depression, suicidal tendencies.

Various distortions of manifestations depend on upbringing, environment, and standards established in society.

Age-specific reactions

Adolescence is characterized by four reactions:

• emancipation;
• grouping with peers;
• interest in the opposite sex;
• numerous hobbies.

Let's look at each of them in more detail.

Emancipation reaction

This is the desire to act independently. It permeates the entire life of a teenager, that is, this reaction can be observed every day. Highlight:

• emotional (care to communicate with peers);
• behavioral (escape from parental control);
• normative emancipation (denial of habitual values, search for new ones).

Grouping with peers

The peer group is the regulator of a teenager’s behavior. He seeks self-affirmation in her.

Interest in the opposite sex

Relationships with the opposite sex are twofold: on the one hand, interest, and on the other, feigned indifference.

Hobbies

There are several groups of teenage hobbies:

• intellectual-aesthetic (deep passion for something);
• bodily-manual (the purpose of the classes is strength and endurance);
• leadership;
• egocentric (independent activities);
• gambling (betting);
• information and communication (TV, Internet, telephone).

Summary

The leading need of age is the desire for deliberate maturity and self-affirmation.

Social situation of development – ​​teenager-peer.

The leading activity of age is intimate and personal communication with peers.

Due to the surge of hormones, the following occurs:

• increased fatigue,
• absent-mindedness,
• lethargy,
• touchiness.

The main neoplasms of adolescence include:

• formation of self-concept, self-awareness, reflection;
• identification;
• awareness of individuality.

In total, two phases can be distinguished in adolescence: negative and positive. The transition from the first to the second is considered the beginning of productive activity.

Literature on the topic

In parting, I want to recommend a couple of books.

1. Yu. P. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How?".
2. O. V. Kholodkovskaya, V. A. Pashnina “Difficult transitional age: Easy solution to complex problems.”

I advise you to read articles on the same topic: “Transitional age in girls - advice from a psychologist” and “Transitional age and crisis in adolescents - advice from a psychologist.”

Thank you for your attention. I wish you mutual understanding with your children! Listen and you will be heard.

Health facts (mental, physical)

If we talk in general about the health of modern teenage girls, we can note several disappointing facts (data from a study by M. B. Krasnikova):

• slow pace of physical development;
• disorders in the development of the reproductive system;
• an abundance of chronic and recurrent diseases;
• psychosomatic problems;
• prevalence of sexually transmitted infections;
• early pregnancies;
• deviant behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, substance abuse);
• problems with social integration;
• Every eighth girl has disorders of sexual development or gynecological problems.

It is noted that these facts are associated with problems of mental development of teenage girls. This arises under the influence of destructive family upbringing, the decline of morality in society, the availability of information against the backdrop of a small amount of organized propaganda of useful material.

Find a balance between restrictions and support

Psychologists compare adolescence to driving a car with a sensitive gas pedal and bad brakes. And the task of the older generation is to be patient and take pity on the teenager, who himself does not really understand what is happening to him, and is even afraid of it. And also help him protect himself from himself, not only by limiting access to harmful activities and bad companies, but also by helping him develop self-control skills.

The rules and restrictions that adults set are like formwork for the foundation of a teenager’s future personality. They do not allow him to “spread in different directions” until he gets stronger.

Reasonable restrictions help protect the child from bad company and other crises associated with adolescence. However, this formwork must be erected, that is, the rules must be established jointly—discussing them with the teenager and justifying their necessity. It’s not easy, but this is no longer a child.

If we want the result of our upbringing to be the formation of self-reflection and self-regulation, we need to “pump up” this particular brain function. This means that talking to a teenager is not like an unreasonable creature who does not understand his own benefits and therefore sits on the phone instead of reading a book. It is the developing prefrontal cortex that needs to be addressed.

For example: “Let's do some research. You sat for three hours watching videos on TikTok because you were tired from classes and wanted to relax. Do you think the amount of information you learned is a worthwhile investment of three hours? On a scale of one to ten, can you rate how tired you feel at the beginning and at the end of these three hours? Do you think it was a good idea to relax like that?”

That is, you need to turn more often to the rational, adult part of his personality, and gradually educate it.

Although this does not negate the fact that in some situations it is reasonable to introduce control, while explaining the prohibitions and restrictions. For example, the rule “bedroom without a phone” if the child does not get enough sleep. But then this rule should apply to all family members - at 11 pm we put our phones in a box and go to bed. In this case, the teenager will perceive the ban as fair and will be more likely to comply.