What is gratitude and how to learn to give thanks

Gratitude is such an interesting word. It consists of two words:

the word "GOOD" AND
the word "GIVE"

But remember yourself or someone who often uses it? And how often do you hear him in response or do you yourself say the word “THANK YOU”?

I think that most often the answer to these two questions will be “no”, very rarely. But it’s very strange that we don’t speak or pronounce this word in our lives. Why is this word “thank you” not in the vocabulary of many people at all?

We are simply not used to thanking anyone, including ourselves. Thank you sounds much more often than thank you. But the power of gratitude is very great!

Gratitude in Psychology

Psychologists note that people who know how to thank are happier. Gratitude shifts our attention, distracting us from negative thoughts and experiences. Therefore, the practice of gratitude is actively used in psychology.

At the same time, we can feel a sense of gratitude not only towards other people. We know how to simply thank life, God (the Universe, higher powers - who believes in what), and ourselves. Therefore, in psychology, gratitude is not only a feeling, but also a person’s ability to notice everything positive that surrounds him.

When is the best time to practice gratitude?

It works best for me in the morning, before anything else, or in the evening, before bed. During the day our brain is very active, all processes are activated, it is difficult for me to concentrate. And it’s more problematic to be alone.

Early morning. I do this after meditation, as a continuation of it.

What time do you get up in the morning?

Good morning life!

Or before bed. Well, in general, it’s important to find at least five minutes at any time of the day. It is possible both in the morning and in the evening.

I recommend keeping a journal. This is recommended by many and it is very correct. In the evening, write down things to do for the next day, impressions, observations of the day, and gratitude for that day.

Gratitude in psychosomatics

Psychosomatics is a direction in medicine and psychology that studies how the psyche and emotions affect the state of our body. It has been proven that negative emotions destroy the body, while positive ones heal.

Gratitude in psychosomatics is one of the most valuable feelings associated with our heart.

In 2015, doctors from the University of California at San Diego conducted an experiment. A group of people with latent heart failure were given a questionnaire to measure how well a person developed a sense of gratitude (the Michael McCullough scale). Those who scored a lot of points, i.e. grateful people, were different:

less fatigue;
better sleep;
lower levels of inflammatory biomarkers.

Therefore, the authors of the study suggest using exercises to develop grateful thinking in the complex treatment of heart disease along with traditional methods.

Personally, I believe in psychosomatics and have more than once noticed how emotions affect my well-being. While studying this topic, I found another interesting study by Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology. 1224 adults took part in it. They also took a questionnaire and found that 25% did not feel grateful at all. And only 12% experience it often.

Interestingly, older people experience feelings of gratitude more often than younger people. And women more often than men.

How to learn to give thanks

A good practice that many psychologists offer: a gratitude journal . Of course, at first it is better to make it a rule for yourself - every day before going to bed, write down 10 thanks for the day in a notebook. For some, this task causes stupor after the fifth point, for others after the eighth. It’s rare that someone can write ten thanks every day for a month easily and freely. Because we are used to seeing more negativity around us. Because we pay too much attention to the events that made us worry and worry than to the ones that made us smile or feel warmth in our hearts.

So, just try: write down 10 gratitude messages every day for 30 days. The universe, parents, spouses, children, friends, casual acquaintances, a store clerk - to anyone and for anything. But your gratitude must be sincere. Coming from the heart.

Of course, if you're really lazy, you can make this list in your head. But it’s better to prescribe it the first time. And then - the next day - re-read. To remember how much good things happened to you yesterday. And to see that today you had at least ten good moments.

Over time, you may want to write down more than ten thanks - write. At least twenty-five, at least forty-six. Write as many cases worthy of a “thank you” in a day. But never less than ten. Even on the most difficult and unbearable days - when it will be especially difficult. Especially when everything around seems blacker than night and when “eyes would not see and ears would not hear” - look for reasons to be grateful. Even when you don’t want to live, you need to write down exactly ten. At least for sunny weather and the opportunity to breathe.

The second stage is when you can easily “collect” more than 10 thanks per day, and you always notice the slightest reasons to say “Thank you” to people or events, or the Universe. Sit down and write down 100 thanks for life. Yes Yes. At first glance this seems very simple. And it will be very great if you can write these hundred “thank yous” in a day. In fact, there is a lot to think about here.

If you have already done similar practices before, you have probably noticed that over time, even the darkest days gradually become not pitch black for you, but gray. And this is already a big shift in your consciousness and, consequently, in your life, which will take a course for the better. As long as you remember to broadcast the energy of gratitude into the Universe.

And we thank you for your attention! ♥

Tags: harmonypeaceheartconsciousnessenergy

Gratitude as a high vibration

Vibrations are the energy that we transmit to the world around us. They were identified more than half a century ago by the German psychiatrist Hans Berger, so the concept of vibrations has a scientific basis. He discovered that the gray matter of the brain produces minute vibrations. Depending on the emotion, they differ.

Gratitude is a high vibration. It has a positive effect on the body - relaxes, eliminates stress. Other high frequency emotions: optimism, acceptance, compassion, unconditional love (like a mother for a child).

The writer and author of his own esoteric movement, Vadim Zeland, in his book “Transurfing of Reality” highlighted the law:

The more we give thanks for what we have, the more we attract into our lives.

This means that the focus of attention needs to be switched: to think not about what is not there, but to appreciate what is already there.

Gratitude to others

Few people know how to thank “just like that.” A person smiled at you, and do you often smile back? No.

Sometimes you don’t even want to say the word “thank you”, everyone is tense, tired of instability. And now, sitting at home in quarantine, we’ll completely forget to give thanks!

For example, the famous American psychologist Eric Berne believes that gratitude is a kind of stroking. And who doesn’t like it if they pet him and say something nice? He writes about this in his book “Games People Play.”

You need to be able to “stroking” with words, it’s like playing ping-pong. You for me, I for you. And all this comes from childhood. It happens that people simply don’t know how to do this. They often said about some children from the orphanage that “he is so cruel and unkind.” And he just doesn't know how to do it. The ability to “iron” comes from those closest to you, from parents, and above all, from mother.

The small child was probably rarely caressed, kissed or held. And he got used to the fact that it’s the right thing to do, that’s the way it should be. Ironing should be kept to a minimum. They often think that they will simply “lose their face” if they suddenly show their weakness and say something nice or pet someone.

What do “strokes” give us:

Stress goes away and we relax
We smile
Dislike for another person
Discomfort from communication
We receive a gift from a person in the form of pleasant words
We remember and feel the “warmth” in the chest for a long time

A person’s self-esteem increases from gratitude and words of appreciation. And self-esteem is nothing more than a person’s success and his feeling of happiness from harmony in life.

Why can't I say thank you?

Since gratitude is such a positive feeling, why don’t people sometimes feel it and can’t even say thank you? There are many psychological reasons for this.

Reluctance to remain in debt

When they do something good for us, it seems to us that we are obliged to respond in kind. Especially if we did not ask for the service provided. We feel a lot of pressure. Thoughts bother me: “What should I do now? If I don’t do the same, will they be offended at me?”

This is typical for people with high anxiety, who tend to worry and stress themselves out, analyze everything, and look for hidden motives in others.

Distrust of people

Often the reason for lack of gratitude is distrust of others. It seems that a person does good in order to receive benefit for himself in return. There are several reasons for this opinion:

negative experiences in the past;
an attitude passed on from parents to children;
an example of such behavior in the family.

The underlying fear is that they will do something good and then demand “payment.” Or they will begin to manipulate with guilt: “I have done so much for you, but you cannot help me.”

Also the cause is resentment towards other people, which blocks the feeling of gratitude. In this case, try the practice of letting go of grievances.

Low self-esteem

When a person does not love himself, is not confident in his own abilities and has low self-esteem, he cannot enjoy gifts, kind words and good deeds addressed to him. He feels like he doesn't deserve it.

A person with a heightened sense of guilt accepts benefits with embarrassment. She tries to pay back for the kindness she has done, but she does this not out of gratitude, but to get rid of a painful feeling.

Heightened self-esteem

Inappropriately high self-esteem is the other extreme. These are spoiled people, fed up with attention and love. They do not attach importance to the good deeds of others and the positive things around them. It seems to them that this is how it should be.

A person lives with the feeling that the whole world revolves around him, and therefore is not able to appreciate everything positive that is in his life.

Perfectionism

People with excellent student syndrome are hesitant to express gratitude for compliments, salary increases, bonuses, because they consider their results to be less than ideal and not worthy of praise. They tend to devalue their achievements and cannot understand why they receive any benefits for it.

I also encountered the same problem. At the institute, I was an excellent student and tried to complete assignments perfectly, but I always found flaws in them. When I was given automatic tests, dismissed from classes, and teachers praised me, I got irritated. Their approval seemed inappropriate to me, and I never once felt deep in my heart gratitude for the good attitude of the teachers.

But everything changed when I tried special practices that developed this feeling.

Gratitude for Trouble

Probably, it would never even occur to anyone to thank someone for an evil done, for an insult said or an annoying nuisance. Usually the reaction to these events is diametrically opposite. However, one should not judge hastily. Because it is gratitude that can completely change the course of history.

Alexander Palienko in his interview described this process as follows: when we react to low-frequency manifestations of the world with our high-frequency internal state, we thereby create something like a screen around us, reflecting all the negativity back to where it came from. Everything that contradicts our state, our energy, flies away from us like a ball. Thus, by expressing gratitude internally, and externally doing everything to change the situation that has arisen, we reflect the negative to the source and neutralize the cause of its occurrence.

If we get angry and react in the usual way, then the energy will resonate with that undesirable situation, which means that it will intensify and return back to us in a circle.

That’s why you need to be grateful for both the good and the bad. Thanks for the good, we strengthen this good, and thanks for the bad, we neutralize it.

Learning to give thanks

There are special exercises for those who find it difficult to express gratitude. If it seems to you that there is nothing to thank others for and everything in life is bad, read how to get out of the impasse.

Write a gratitude list

Think about what is good in your life. Do you have something special that other people don't have? Record 5 of these things in a convenient format. For example, in a diary that you carry with you, in notes on your phone. It is important that the list is available to you every day.

There are 20 items on my list. When I learned to give thanks, I read them every morning. First mechanically, then more thoughtfully, trying to feel gratitude.

Keep a Gratitude Journal

It’s easy to say thank you for some serious benefits. But every day many little things happen to us that improve our mood. In the evening you need to try to remember and write them down, even if it seems stupid. Repeat the practice every day.

For example, I was grateful that there was no line at the store and I quickly got home after work. That a passing man smiled and the mood became better. That the bus arrived quickly and I didn’t wait 20 minutes for it, as usual. I wrote down everything that brought me some benefit.

Write a letter of gratitude

The practice is suitable if you want to thank someone, but cannot. For example, you are embarrassed to say words of gratitude or someone important to you is no longer around. It is not necessary to send a letter; writing it will be enough.

Imagine a person to whom you want to say thank you. Friend, employer, relative, child.
Remember what good he did to you and write it down.
Then listen to your feelings and record them. For example: “I am very pleased that you took such care of me. It made me happy."

Try to describe your feelings as thoroughly and broadly as possible, but don’t do it forcefully. If it doesn’t work, then write simply and briefly.

Write such letters to everyone you are grateful to. If you are not shy, hand them to the recipients. It is best to write by hand, but you can also do this on your phone by simply sending an important message in the messenger.

Give thanks even for the little things

Each person will have their own situations that deserve gratitude. For example, my husband helped around the house. My sister gave me a gift just like that. The subordinate submitted the report on time. The customer stepped into the situation and moved the deadline. I am sure that you can find at least one act for which you will sincerely thank another person.

Are you embarrassed when you have to say something nice out loud? Then I advise you to read the article How to stop being shy.

When you learn to notice the little things and be grateful for them, those around you will begin to delight you even more. They will be pleased to communicate with you and help. It will become easier for them to get into your position. This exchange of pleasantries will bring you a lot of pleasure and you will learn to be grateful. Brian Tracy also spoke about this.

Miracles from gratitude

There is an interesting example from Joe Vitale's book The Secret of Attraction, he describes the power of thanksgiving. The story is very instructive.

Jonathan had pneumonia on both sides, maybe he also had coronavirus then? He took and wrote just one sentence on paper and hung it all over the house. He stubbornly looked at it, walked around it and simply repeated it, because he simply had no other choice. And you will be surprised, but within 24 hours his illness subsided. What was this phrase? As you guessed, he thanked the Lord God: “Thank you, Lord, for all the blessings that I have and for all the blessings that I will receive.”

Gratitude is always a flow of energy. And so this is how gratitude can change a life.

You can thank:

Lord God
Universe
people around
everyone you want to thank yourself

And give thanks for both the bad and the good. Thanks for the good, we strengthen it, and thanks for the bad, we neutralize it.

How does the power of gratitude work?

If you give thanks, then your positive energy goes into the Universe. And the principle of operation is very simple:

What you give to the Universe is what you receive in return.
And the more you give, the more you receive

According to the law of attraction, “what we are grateful for in life, what we see and notice more often, we attract.”

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What is gratitude?

Gratitude is a special energy that we feel on an intellectual and emotional level, realizing that a person or community of people has done something for our benefit. And also - an adequate expression in words, actions and deeds of gratitude for the kindness shown. This is a resourceful state that brings people together . Gratitude is one of the forms of empathy, blurring the boundaries between the state of joy, love, pleasure, peace, inspiration. It arises when the good shown turns out to be greater than ordinary participation in the life of another person.

Etymologically it comes from two words “good” + “to give”. Thus, gratitude gives an understanding that the balance of the concepts of “giving” and “taking” is extremely important. The tradition of exchanging gifts originates from ancient ceremonies of reciprocity of services, when any gift implied a return offering. It is not for nothing that the Greek word “charis” had several meanings: “gift”, “mercy”, “. In the Old Russian New Testament it was translated as “grace”, in Italian it was transformed into “gracia” - “thank you”, in English into “gratitude” - “gratitude”.

Take the empathy test

Sincere gratitude is a complex feeling, much deeper than the polite ritual of saying “thank you” and giving a thank-you gift. This skill comes from awareness and requires practice. The more reasons for joy we notice in life, the more often we discover what we can truly be grateful for. The more gratitude we give, the more joy we receive in return.

It has been scientifically proven that by experiencing gratitude, we improve our psychological and physical health, reduce stress levels, recover faster from injuries, and increase self-esteem. It is a powerful psychological tool that helps you move away from negative emotions like envy and anger and focus on the positive. The conscious practice of gratitude puts you in a state of peace and gives you freedom from resentment. At the level of descriptions, this feeling may seem incomprehensible, but at the level of personal experience it does not cause surprise.

Thanksgiving as service.

Thanksgiving was originally part of religious language. Most of the world's religions suggest that created intelligent beings owe a debt of gratitude to God for their creation. Therefore, the recipients of expressions of gratitude are specific people, entire communities or idealized entities - God, the Universe, the Spirit, the Creator.

The word "thanksgiving" appears 125 times in the Bible Thanksgiving is not a part of etiquette, but the essence of life, where the only recipient of real gratitude should be God alone. Along with praise and worship, thanksgiving is an essential part of prayer, associated with mercy, humility, and friendliness. It brings believers into right relationship with Divine reality—opening their eyes to the reality of His love and care. It is believed that it is simply impossible to make a person who is unable to give thanks happy.
Islam preaches similar principles of understanding thanksgiving. Praise and gratitude are considered traits characteristic of true believers, while ingratitude is severely condemned and attributed to infidels.
In Buddhism, gratitude is considered one of the components of enlightenment. It is necessary to thank parents and teachers - regardless of the lessons taught, they were the spiritual mentors of the person thanking. It is important to do something for others without expecting a reward. And it is also important to learn not to blame others for ingratitude.
Judaism calls ingratitude the first human sin. The Torah contains many references to the duty of giving thanks to the Almighty in prayer and in the thanksgiving meal.

Thanksgiving as a virtue.

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In the ancient civilizations of Greece and Rome, gratitude was identified with justice according to the principle “you-to-me, I-to-you.” Aristotle emphasized that thanksgiving manifests itself in “returning a favor for a favor to the one who pleases.” The ancient Greek Epicurean philosopher Metrodorus wrote that “only a wise man knows how to repay.”

The German philosopher Immanuel Kant and the French writer Jean-Jean Rousseau considered gratitude a duty that obliges a person to reciprocally benefit. The author of philosophical works, Francois de La Rochefoucauld, saw in it disguised servility, and the French moralist Nicolas de Chamfort believed that a person says “thank you” solely with the expectation of receiving something more in return than he already received.

But gratitude is undeniably a virtue. It’s not for nothing that Thanksgiving Day is considered one of the most revered and anticipated holidays by Americans. The origin of the idea of celebration goes back to the first settlers of America. After a cold winter, when almost half of the people died, the Indians came to the aid of the settlers. In 1621, the colonists reaped a rich harvest. After this, the first governor of the colony proposed to celebrate Thanksgiving to the Lord for his mercies, and to the Indians for their help. The joint feast was the first Thanksgiving. Over time, the celebration lost its deeply religious meaning and became a national civil celebration.

Why do you need to thank?

Gratitude is one of the virtues that makes us more human. It is also a powerful tool that can transform our lives.

Gets rid of negativity.

Resentment often leaves mental scars for life. Is it possible to be grateful towards your offenders? It turns out it is possible. These people made us who we are. Many people admire Viktor Frankl. But his books were written because there was a concentration camp in his life. The paintings of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo are exhibited in art galleries around the world. But her extraordinary talent was revealed after an illness and a terrible accident. These are exactly the cases when scars adorn a person.

So, without gratitude and forgiveness to your offenders, it is impossible to move on. Otherwise, we will constantly return our thoughts to the past or to the future - where we mentally commit retribution.

Strengthens relationships.

Mutual gratitude from partners is a key sign of a strong relationship. Scientists from an American university surveyed 250 married couples about their material well-being, communication and ways of expressing gratitude. It turned out that even a simple “thank you” keeps you from breaking up completely in hopeless situations. This study clearly demonstrated how important it is for spouses to feel valued in the eyes of the other.

To thank your partner, you don’t have to wait for a feat on his part. It is enough to remember everyone’s everyday responsibilities and thank them for it. After all, without these little things, life and family can collapse.

Treats depression.

Depression is accompanied by a feeling of depression, insomnia, and a reluctance to communicate with people. In such a state it is difficult to be grateful to anyone. Neuroscientists have explained that the habit of gratitude changes the structure of the brain, stimulates its functioning, improves overall well-being, and makes us happier. Joyful emotions affect the nervous system, improve sleep, and reduce anxiety. The practice of gratitude improves the condition of patients with disorders of the neuromuscular system.

Are such results not worthy of developing the skill of gratitude? Gratitude refocuses attention on joy, changes negative thoughts to positive ones, increases the production of happiness hormones, and instills hope for recovery.

Take a depression test

Increases sales.

According to research by scientists at the University of Michigan, words of gratitude from the head or managers of the company help increase customer loyalty and almost double the number of regular customers. Moreover, clients not only return, they recommend the company to their friends. Moreover, the effect of thank-you letters turned out to be greater than that of additional bonuses or discounts. The main rule of a manager can be formulated as follows: treat each employee as a client and emphasize in every possible way the importance of his services to the company.

Gratitude does not give immediate results, but in the long term it helps to retain and motivate employees, retain clients, and develop business.

People feel dissatisfaction with life more often than gratitude. And it’s not a matter of forgetfulness, when we simply don’t say “thank you.” This is a refusal to recognize the value of everything we have. Gratitude techniques will teach you to simply remember that we have everything for joy and well-being.

Why can't you say this word?

“Thank you” was once considered a magic word. They were taught to pronounce it from an early age. What happened, why is it now banned?

When watching old films, we hear the word “thank you,” “thank you,” or “give thanks.” It turns out that the word “thank you” contains not entirely positive energy. It is hidden on a subtle level and seems to push people away from each other.

To prevent the relationship from deteriorating, say “thank you,” or “thank you.” Again, a question mark, what is the difference between words of gratitude, because both mean only good things.

Even in Ushakov’s explanatory dictionary of the Russian language, “thank you” means: “God save.” It turns out that the man asks God to save me from this man! That is, at a subtle level, the channel that connects these two people is closed. What a twist!

Today it seems different to us. If you don’t say this word of gratitude at all, then the person will be so offended that he will turn away forever.

“Thank you” has become such a strong part of our speech that when you hear “thank you,” it already hurts the ear. We are not used to this kind of thanksgiving. How can we understand this behavior of people: when we say “thank you,” we see a smile or a nod of the head in response. So it has a positive meaning!

In our society, the one who says “thank you” is considered a rare intellectual who miraculously made his way into our world. But the fact that this man will be remembered for a long time is indisputable.