Why first love is never forgotten

Why not forget your first love and what it is?

"Nautilus" once sang: "Love is a look from the screen." If translated into prosaic language: love is only an image. A person imagines. He is a creature who lives in illusions. The thesis is especially true when it comes to youthful or teenage love (or falling in love). When a person is young and inexperienced, the main tool for understanding the world around him is imagination; he builds castles in the air and idealizes reality. Let's support our reasoning with a textbook example - Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet - this is an ideal biography of first love. The story has everything you need:

Crazy, sizzling passion. Obstacles that only strengthen feelings and convince people that their first love is eternal! And an early end. Neither Romeo nor Juliet understood what it was? Brief flash or eternal love?

The cynical author noted that if the lovers had lived longer, and Juliet had given birth to 3 to 5 children and gotten fat, then it is still unknown how the story would have ended. But this would no longer be Shakespeare, but prosaic reality, where people make mistakes, love passes, and death is sometimes not covered with any romantic aura.

At first glance, the reasoning is far from the topic, but this is not so. People who ask themselves why they cannot forget their first love do not realize that they are creating in their memories a story similar to the one written by Shakespeare.

“It’s impossible to forget your first love!” - where does this illusion come from?

First love is an image unconsciously formed by a person. Let's consider why youthful love wins outright over the real thing? Adult life consists of:

From work. From family responsibilities. From spending time with friends.

There is no point in disclosing each point. Adults know that they may or may not like three elements of life, but regardless of emotions and their nature, these three components give rise to routine, and with it boredom. Moreover, it does not matter whether the position is prestigious, whether there are conflicts at work or not, whether the wife is beautiful and smart, or whether the friends are reliable. Boredom is inevitable. A man sits and thinks in the evening silence: “Yes, it’s impossible to forget your first love!” After all, you want to go where you haven’t been:

Liabilities Accounts. Boredom and routine.

Human memory is selective and, as N.A. wrote. Berdyaev, “has a creative function.” What a person remembers is not at all what actually happened. “Good memories” are those facts that a person has unconsciously worked on and creatively changed in a way that is more convenient for him. And it’s good that a person has a tendency to create memories in this way. Imagine a person who would remember the bad or the real.

“I can’t forget my first love!” What to do?

This is a worrying sign. And he says that a person is not satisfied with his life. Let’s remember the components of adult life, if the thought beats in your head like a bird in a cage: “I can’t forget my first love! What to do?" We need to analyze which of those stones of everyday life has become loose. Is the person unhappy with his family/work/friends? Here is a list of methods to combat love nostalgia:

Analysis and answer to the question why a person remembered his first love. If a problem is found, then the next natural step is a solution. If the melancholy does not subside, then there is an extreme remedy - to meet your first love.

The last point is so fascinating that we give in to temptation and fantasize:

“First love” will not remember the person’s name. Perhaps this will be a deception, because the separation was painful, but it has a sobering effect and ends the search. People may be found, but the meeting will take place in a cool atmosphere of mutual alienation, because that very image does not at all coincide with what the person is at the moment. A man and a woman meet and love each other until dawn, then separate forever, because they understand: except for unsatisfied desire, nothing binds them. A man and a woman meet and understand: “This is it!” Living happily ever after and dying on the same day is a fantastic scenario that sometimes occurs. Why? Because miracles are possible.

Is it worth going back to the past?

It often happens that a person cannot forget his first love for a long time.

As a result, he comes to the conclusion that maybe it was “that” feeling that once and for all.

And he begins to make attempts to renew his old relationship.

However, we often forget that some time has passed. You have changed, your first love is also a completely different person.

You have matured, changed your views on the world, gained some life experience. Therefore, in any case, the renewed relationship will not be similar to past feelings. And it is likely that you will be disappointed.

“I’m married, but I can’t forget my first love! Help!"

Such people think: “You will never forget your first love!” A person remembers only what he wants or what he depends on. If a married man remembers the first girl he fell in love with tenderly, then the problem lies:

In the way of life. A person is not satisfied with his daily life, how his life is organized. And he thinks: with “first love” life would be different. Sexuality in marriage no longer pulsates as before. As sad as it is, this issue cannot be avoided. Everything is banal: a person is not satisfied with the passion of his wife or her lack of imagination in bed games. A normal sex life is the foundation of a happy marriage. If there is no foundation, then there will be no joy from the relationship. They are sentenced. If a husband or wife thinks about the past, it means that the present is disturbing them. Life routine, full of problems. Behind this mysterious formulation lies a state when a person thinks: “Everything is somehow wrong.”

Nostalgia for first love is an escape from reality.

A person is tired and wants to believe that reality has simple recipes for happiness. There is only one method here: do not run away from problems, but courageously fight them, and not ask yourself: “I’m married, but I can’t forget my first love! What should I do, poor thing?

Update

Even if you meet your first love in a photo while searching on social networks, you can be disappointed. It can feel like a walk around the block from your youth. It becomes clear how much the image deposited in the head differs from the real situation. Even if he remains in the heart, then a person will leave less room for him.

Sometimes a meeting with the object of your first feelings can result in a startling discovery: your current partner is your true soulmate.

Psychologists advise: if you have a desire to meet that person from the past with whom a lot of good things are associated, you should bring it to life. This experience is always useful and it in itself cannot destroy anything. It will become an indicator of what is happening in the present. It will show the sincerity of feelings in the current relationship, highlight those moments that need correction, or confirm that everything is fine in the present.

The loss of illusions is extremely useful for further development. It will open the door to a new world in which a person will find himself.

Do people forget their first love?

The answer will upset many. The question of how to forget your first love is meaningless. Because only amnesia will help you forget your first love. A person’s torment takes on the wrong form. You need to ask yourself not about how to forget your first love forever, but about why such distant memories, even pleasant ones, occupy a person more than pressing problems, experiences and joys. After all, the past is dead, but the present and future are alive. When a person understands why the departed touches his soul, he will know the answer to the question of how to forget his first love. Or rather, it will lose its sharpness for a person, familiar features will be erased.

So the question is, do people forget their first love? Answer: no, they don’t forget. They remember, but they stop putting emotions into it. The past cannot be changed. First love remained there, from where it could not be extracted in any way. The person who caused this bright feeling is no longer there, even if his physical shell is alive and well. Life changes everyone.

Advice from psychologists

The psychology of feelings is such that it is difficult to lose love, but it is even more difficult to accept it and move on. Happiness doesn't end after a breakup. There are many opportunities in the world that will help make life brighter and more interesting. The main thing is not to get hung up on one partner.

To make it easier to cope with a breakup, psychologists advise using the following recommendations:

1. It is necessary to put an end to the relationship, calm down and realize that the couple is no longer there. If it is difficult to realize this on your own, you can consult a psychologist. A specialist will help you get rid of love addiction.
2. There is no need to suppress your tears. If you want to cry, then you need to give vent to your feelings. For atmosphere, you can turn on a sad film or read dramatic stories. But you need to stop after splashing out negative emotions, otherwise there is a risk of falling into deep depression. 2-3 days are enough for discharge.
3. A new hobby is a great way to take your mind off worries and bad moods. After a breakup, it's time to start a hobby that you didn't have time for before.
4. Transformation is a great way to relieve sadness for women. If a girl loses weight, goes in for sports, goes to the spa and hairdresser, then she will blossom again, and not a trace will remain of thoughts about the guy. The former boyfriend will be replaced by new interesting men.
5. There is no need to immediately rush into the maelstrom of a new relationship, because you will want to see the features of your ex-boyfriend in your chosen one. A man will not be able to live up to expectations, and separation will not be long in coming, so nothing good will come from such a union.
6. Don't lock yourself at home. Lack of contact with the outside world is the path to depression. You need to meet with friends more often, go to the cinema, roller skate. The more active your social life is, the easier it is to survive a difficult period.
7. Do not forget that no matter how strong love is, it is not the last.

Don't expect quick results. Relief will come gradually. If there is no improvement, there is no need to hesitate. Psychologists will help you cope with your depressed mood and forget your ex-boyfriend forever.

“Does a man forget his first love?” - the ladies ask

The answer to the question determines whether crowds of women will rush in search of their first love. The solution to the riddle can be found in the previous discussions. But for those who want schemes and classifications, please let us divide men into three types:

"The Male and the Narcissus." This type of man does not remember anyone or anything because he is intoxicated by the present. He often changes sexual partners, and every month promises a new adventure. In such a busy schedule, it is difficult to remember your childhood and youth hobbies. The “Ordinary Guy” differs from the “Male” in that he does not have such a wide choice of partners and his sex life is not so rich and intense. The number of girls who gave him their body is rarely more than 10. This guy remembers his first love. But the specific conditions of existence are important, whether he is satisfied with his life, whether he loves his wife. “Shy boy” is on the other pole from “male”. Girls don't really like him, and he didn't have many of them. The likelihood that he suffers from his first love is increasing, but whether she thinks about him is a big question. Otherwise, the same factors apply as in the previous version.

There is no clear answer to the question of whether a man forgets his first love. It all depends on the individual man, his character, psyche and living conditions.

Dependency mechanism

For example, a girl met a guy. She thought about him a lot, perhaps they had already gone on several dates. The woman prepared for them for a long time, thinking about what to say and what to wear.

She rearranged her schedule, made concessions, abandoned other plans. I bought myself a dress and new underwear. All this is the energy that the woman spent.

The man felt that the girl was “stuck.” And he began to distance himself - speaking dryly on the phone, ignoring messages on social networks.

Why you shouldn't resurrect your relationship with your first love. Cinematic example

Eldar Ryazanov directed the film “Office Romance”. In it, the side storyline tells precisely about the insidiousness of the first serious feeling. But if you approach dispassionately, the viewer sees: Yu.G. Samokhvalov is the master of life. Recently arrived from Switzerland, he has a good job, a decent salary and an apartment. At O.P. Redhead's fate did not work out. She has everything like everyone else: a boring job, a husband and a child - a routine. This is not what she dreamed of when she was 20. And then he appears in a halo, if not of a winner, then of prosperity. Of course, an ordinary employee wants to come to him to get a taste of a different life. But he pushes her away because he hasn’t loved her for a long time and is used to something different.

As sad as it may be, this development of events is the pattern of almost all searches for the lost. First, a person idealizes something, then finds it, is disappointed and lives as he lived before. You can't get out of these script pincers.

B. Shaw said: “It is human nature to overestimate what he does not possess.”

Emotions

At the same time, sometimes emotions simply interfere with life. Sometimes you can understand with your mind that a person is not suitable, but still have feelings for him. There is only one way out: take a deep breath and announce that you are leaving. Enjoy yourself in this moment of taking a strong and decisive step. A week of black emptiness, subject to cutting off all contacts with a person, will result in a feeling of deep self-esteem, which will then manifest itself in new successes on the personal front. And most importantly, there will be internal freedom to leave the relationship at any time, whatever it may be. The realization that he has the power to leave anyone, at any time, makes a person self-sufficient and damn attractive. Isn't this a wonderful price for that pain?

The search for first love arises from the emptiness of life

If suddenly working with a person’s consciousness does not bring results, he is not inclined to analyze his life, and the longing for first love is based on the general blandness of life, then existence needs to be colored.

Do something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time (an interesting hobby) Go to the gym, get in shape. When a healthy spirit reigns in a healthy body, life will improve. Read something that I didn’t manage to do, but I’ve been wanting to for a long time. For example, books that everyone has heard about, but not everyone has read.

A sure-fire cure for blues and melancholy is to make your desires come true. If we take as a basis the thesis that the search for first love hides the thirst for happiness, then there is no need to wait for mercy from nature, to forge happiness on your own - that is the task of man!

Another win-win option is how to forget, or rather, not think about your first love - fall in love again. Fresh feelings will drive away sad memories of the past. True, this recipe is only suitable for single or young people. But for the latter, why be sad about your first love? Their lives change rapidly, like in a kaleidoscope: one love has left, another will come. Young people don’t even think about their love affairs. They line up on their own. Youth rightly believes that it still has not one or two happy events ahead. Only old age remembers and grieves, and when it comes, a person decides. The power of consciousness and thought is limitless. A person recognizes himself as old and lives with memories. If a person is young, then he lives not with memories, but with future plans. Youth and old age are a state of mind, not a state of body.