Humor, jokes and sarcasm in a dozen SMS correspondence between loved ones

A list of vulgar jokes especially for you i

• What might an elephant ask a man? “How do you breathe with that thing?”
• Life is like toilet paper: at first everything is fine, and then you have to wipe up someone else's crap.
• What makes you laugh if it's small, and what makes you more attractive to women if it's big? Your bank account.
• How to spot a blind nudist on a nudist beach? He's not tense.
• What is the name of the useless piece of flesh on the penis? Man.
• What turns clowns on? Balloon sex dolls.
• What does a dog have in common with a myopic gynecologist? Both have wet noses.

Examples of jokes for a company and with friends

Joking should be done differently in different companies. Those jokes that “dropped in” with friends are hardly suitable for dinner with the bride’s parents. Let's look at the initial level: simple jokes for a group of friends.

When going out to buy alcohol for company, you can use several phrases:

• “If I don’t come back in 10 minutes, send Lyokha away.”
• “If I don’t come back, consider me a communist.”
• “It was nice to meet you on the call.”
• “You say milk and gingerbread”?

A joke from a fake celebrity page

You can make jokes on VK for friends through a message from a pop star or blogger. To do this, create a fake celebrity page. It's better if it's your friend's favorite famous person. But before you joke with a friend on VK, you need to prepare:

• Add friends, the more the better.
• Upload photos and post entries.
• Create the appearance of an active and popular page on a social network.

After that, write a message to your friend. They can be mysterious or funny. Correspondence should not be allowed to cause negativity. In addition, do not try to play with the feelings of your interlocutor and do not drag out the dialogue so that in the future he will not be offended by you.

Try to observe grammar and spelling so that the interlocutor does not immediately understand that they are making fun of him.

How to prank your spouse on April 1, so as not to harm either him or your relationship?

If you really want to prank your husband, but you are unsure what kind of prank to take, use this simple step-by-step instructions.

3 ideas for a draw on April 1:

Men

All men... well, you get the idea. They are bad people, in a word. What should you do with bad people? That's right, you need to make fun of them, so that they know their place. Statuses with jokes about men!

1. Dear, you were worried that you would hurt me by leaving... And I was worried that you wouldn’t destroy my crystal chandelier with your horns!

2. A man must be decent and have character. And not with cheap show-offs, inflated self-esteem and a long tongue...

3. Everything is fine, he is already 18! Honestly.

4. Winter is coming, the birds will fly south, and the bunnies will change their fur coats... You need to ask your beloved “bunny” whether it’s me or the “bird”.

5. An ideal family is a sporty husband, a slender wife and a fat cat. And not when everything is mixed up.

6. Well, why does he call me every half hour? I said: “I’m going to the store for 5 minutes!”

7. The most useful thing in the house is a guilty husband.

8. It’s easy to be a girl - I played a little and got everything I wanted. It’s much more difficult for a man - you’ve been a little naughty, but in the evening you have nothing to eat!

9. The woman said - the woman did. And if a woman said it and didn’t do it, then the woman was joking!

10. Honey, do you remember when you went fishing? Your pike called and said it was with caviar...

11. The sound of fashion is the sound a man makes when looking at the price tag...

12. While the girl is not married, she can have fun as she pleases! And when she gets married, then her husband will also entertain her “any way”!

13. Take care of yourself - don’t look at your husband’s phone. Take care of your husband too. Put your phone away.

14. Only the military registration and enlistment office can accept a man as he is.

15. You will meet like this 20 years later someone you admired at 19 - and you will understand how wonderful it is that such a monster galloped past on a white horse!

16. I noticed that after refueling a car, only men shake a pistol... a reflex, probably.

17. The only creature that a lion is afraid of is his wife... That is, if you are afraid of your wife, then you are a lion!

18. Do you know what the stork does when he has done his job and brought the baby? He lies on the couch, watches TV, eats, drinks beer and plays tanks...

Cool (comic) phrases for a guy from Tik Tok from a girl

Today I am fragrant. Would you like to join?

I eat you with my eyes and choke on my saliva.

I want to be wanted! Can you help?

I am generally against serious relationships. But for your sake I’m ready to make an exception. Interested?

I'm so glad your parents didn't use protection!

I have champagne, strawberries and cream. Do you want to join?

Will you sell your soul to the devil for a night with me? What if you think about it?

I am, of course, not a judge, but I sentence you to arrest in my bedroom. For life.

If you offer me your name and salary, I will not refuse.

Do you hiccup a lot? Sorry, it's me.

With holiday greetings! Happy Meeting Day!

Young man, are you at the wrong address? Heaven is not here.

And also - phrases from Tik Tok...

Scumbags

True friends are people who are close and devoted to us. You can always talk with them, and be sad, and, of course, joke. After all, you must admit that it is impossible to be serious all the time. How to prank your friends so that you have a lot of fun and get a lot of pleasant emotions? Yes, very simple! You know where your friend’s points are, “pressing” on which can hook him well. And even if initially he is slightly offended, he will definitely calm down over time. But you will have to prepare for a response from him.

So, in order. How to prank your friends? The main thing is that the prank is good-natured. This way, you can all blow off some steam and express your feelings in a humorous way. In addition, you can also get even with them if they did something that would irritate you. And you don’t have to wait until the first of April. Sometimes you don't need a reason for a prank. But it’s simply necessary to de-escalate the situation at home, at school or at work from time to time! To do this you just need to show a little imagination.

What April Fool's Day pranks should you avoid?

Unfortunately, not all people have a sense of humor. Moreover, it is different for everyone. In order not to harm a person or make him angry out of the blue, I advise you to never use such pranks:

• Do not call from a hospital or morgue asking to identify a close relative. These are very cruel jokes that can lead to the most tragic consequences.
• Do not send SMS as if you were in an accident, the police or you were kidnapped. Such pranks can also end badly - in an attempt to help you as quickly as possible, your spouse himself may get into an accident.
• Don't give your spouse a fake pregnancy test as a prank. Perhaps his reaction will not please you at all, or, on the contrary, he will be disappointed by the recognition that it was just a joke.

Naturally, you will not be able to predict how a person will react to your innocent joke, because he may simply not be in the mood. However, do not use jokes that are obviously too evil or dangerous. Why harm a person? In addition, never joke again with a person who has a bad heart.

Important: April jokes can cause surprise, tenderness or furious laughter. The main thing is that they do not cause anger, irritability or incredible jealousy. Otherwise, one ridiculous joke may end in divorce.

Is it even worth joking?

My advice to you is that if you are not at all sure whether your spouse will understand your joke correctly, do not take unnecessary risks. In all other cases, jokes have their pros and cons.

Is it possible to die from laughter: scientific explanation + examples

What makes a joke a good joke

The humor follows a pattern. In many ways it is mathematical in structure and rhythm. How to learn humor and wit? Analyze why certain comedy shows, skits, or jokes entertain you more. You will begin to realize that you can create a personal style of humor.

The basic rules of a joke are timing, rhythm, the rule of three and material.

• The first is related to the moment when you tell a joke. To tell your miniature story, which is a joke, you need the undivided attention of your listeners. Just because it's not successful doesn't mean it's not funny. It may have been made at an inopportune time or the setting was inappropriate: the anecdote may not make sense in certain situations. The more optimal the situation, the greater the likelihood of success in the punchline of the joke. In addition, a person who is just learning to joke may be verbose or, conversely, miss important descriptive details by joking too quickly. Both extremes should be avoided!
• Every joke has a rhythm. It is measured not so much in words as in the time it takes to tell it. Some written jokes may seem too long, but when told they are rhythmically short. It's the way you pronounce words, the pauses between lines, the physical gestures that allow the audience to visualize the story and ultimately laugh. The more you practice telling anecdotes or jokes and refine your phrasing, the more refined this rhythm becomes.
• The rule of three is the joke; necessary condition. This is a setup consisting of two components that are necessary to build the scheme of the joke. The punchline, aka the punchline of the joke; is in the third line when a deviation from the scheme occurs. The climax is short, sometimes one word. If she violates the boundaries, then the joke turns out to be verbose, long, uninteresting, like an ordinary conversation. The delivery of the climax affects the audience's reaction, so it's better to make it big - to create anticipation.
• Material – The number of jokes in your repertoire is of fundamental importance. This helps to understand the above rules and whether certain jokes are suitable for certain thematic categories and, accordingly, situations.

How to learn to joke in any situation? Start learning to be humorous by classifying jokes by rhythm and theme. Say the joke out loud (preferably on a recorder), remembering to focus on the rhythm. After repeating several times, do the exercise with another joke. Compare them. You will definitely notice the difference between the rhythms (fast, slow or in between). Moving into thematic categories, use the same jokes you chose for rhythm analysis and ask yourself, “What is this joke about?” and assign a category to it.

Subscribe to newsletters

All you need in this case is to subscribe your friend to many mailing lists. The bigger, the better. Who knows, maybe some letter will be really useful for him, but most likely this strange fact will irritate him greatly. This method is not entirely ethical, because sending spam, which is how tons of letters from sites will be regarded by your “victim,” is considered illegal. Therefore, you will have to cancel all subscriptions yourself at the end of the draw.

How to learn to joke and be cheerful: 2 exercises

1. Select associations. You are given a situation, for example, a city in which it is always dark. Your task is to come up with all sorts of funny associations for it. That is, what is happening in that very city. Naturally, take into account all the rules for constructing a successful joke.
2. Humor and flaws. Write down all your obvious shortcomings on a piece of paper and come up with several bright jokes for each of them. The better the jokes, the more you will win the next time someone decides to make fun of you.

Also, learning from a person who has walked this path will help you become witty and learn to joke. Under no circumstances should you listen to amateurs who shout at every corner: “Pay me and you’ll get rich!”

For me, such a person is Pavel Volya. According to official data, in 2022 he earned more than $2 million from humor.

His online course “Humor 3.0” in 1.5 months will take you to a whole new level of ability to joke and use your sense of humor.

What will be the results:

• you will find in yourself a state of lightness and playfulness, irony, which will liberate you;
• master skills that will allow you to start making jokes more often and more accurately, both in everyday life and on stage (if you sometimes perform in front of people);
• you will begin to take yourself, the people and events around you less seriously;
• You will become a more interesting conversationalist.

The course consists of video lessons, each lesson has a practical and theoretical part. You study the theory - get a task - complete it - move to the next level.

The training is conducted by curators:

1. Alexey Lyaporov is a creative producer at Comedy Club, the author of the script for the film “Our Russia: Eggs of Destiny.”
2. Ilya Romanko is a creative producer and author of the Comedy Club, the author of the sketch comedy “Our Russia”, and has been involved in humor professionally since 1998.
3. Alexey Poimanov is a screenwriter for the “Big Difference” project, a screenwriter for the “Slaughter League” project, and has been making humor professionally since 2006.

Ilya Romanko makes a wish between Alexey Lyaporov and Alexey Poimanov
Cost – 12,000 rubles.

And I can help a little. I’m giving you a promotional code for a 25% discount.

PRT3081CBA

If during the first lesson you decide that the course was not suitable for you, your money will be refunded.

After registering for training, a girl from Pavel’s team will contact you and answer all your questions regarding the training. You will discuss payment terms with her.

Also in this article you will find reviews of all courses of the “Willpower” project from Pavel and Laysan Utyasheva.

Watch an interesting and useful video from Volya.

Sample questions

The main goal of correspondence with an unfamiliar guy on VK is to get to know him better as a person, to arouse interest in yourself. It is enough to use this set of interesting phrases:

1. What do you dream about?
2. Any brothers, sisters? What do they do, are you friends?
3. Do you have good memories of school and classmates?
4. What did you dream of becoming as a child?
5. Are you planning a family, children?
6. Favorite book, movie, musical group?
7. Are you into computer games?
8. Do you drive a car?
9. What can attract you in a girl, what can repel you?
10. Do you like to win the lady of your heart or do you prefer to be the “prey” yourself?
11. Do you often fall in love?
12. Do you believe in long distance relationships?
13. What dream did you have today?

Line from a song

A simple way to make a joke in a WhatsApp conversation is to send a message with unexpected semantic content. We proceed as follows:

• Choose a line from a song - preferably in Russian;
• Suddenly, in the middle of a conversation, send her to the chat;
• The interlocutor becomes confused: he sees a sentence that is not related in meaning to the previous ones, and begins to ask questions;
• Wait a few seconds and send the next line of the song.

Literally in a minute the friend will guess - she fell for the bait! Sing along to your favorite hit together via WhatsApp. It is better to choose not the most popular tracks (for example, songs from the 90s). Here we will tell you how to name a female chat in Whatsapp.

Culinary masterpieces

The kitchen is the place where a woman can surprise a man. But surprises are not always pleasant.

• We offer to “please” your man with spicy sweets. Prepare a chocolate bar and onions. Instead of onions, you can use garlic cloves or hot chili peppers. Melt the chocolate and dip the onions in it. Let the dessert cool down and amaze your man. Just don’t be surprised if he doesn’t want to eat your borscht.
• If you refuse the idea of ​​conquering men through the stomach, then let’s continue the topic with culinary pranks. Prepare the cookies. Take two pieces, coat them with toothpaste, which was squeezed out to fill the tube with edible contents, and fasten the halves together. You will get cookies with an interesting filling. The taste will definitely surprise you.
• Another unsweetened dessert is cakes with mayonnaise. You can also make an explosive cake. To do this, you need to inflate the balloon and stick it with tape to the cardboard. Fill the resulting structure with cream, then invite the guy to cut the “cake.” Take a video of this moment yourself.
• Make ice with Mentos. Freeze them in Coca-Cola. Such a treat will cause a real fountain of emotions!
• An impressive but inedible cake is made from a dish sponge, beautifully decorated with buttercream. After such a dessert, your boyfriend will forever refuse to try your dishes.
• There is a culinary joke that will surprise and make you laugh more than unsweetened candies and cakes with mayonnaise. This is a yogurt and peach scrambled egg. Yogurt will pass for the white of a fried egg, and half a peeled peach is very similar to the yolk.
• An unusual ice cream is suitable as a dessert after fried eggs. Its role will be mashed potatoes sprinkled with ketchup. This substance is very similar to ice cream if it is divided into appropriate glasses.
• Offer to wash down your meal with juice. It should be imitated using jelly in a glass and served with a straw.
• While your boyfriend is wolfing down his April Fool's meals, walk into the kitchen with a packet of laundry detergent and calmly start eating its contents. Of course, there will be another edible mixture in the powder packet. The powder from which formula is prepared for newborns is perfect for this role.

The grimmest

For this prank you will need an accomplice no less insidious than you. To begin with, completely burn 10-15 matches and rub them in your palms. The palms turn black, but they cannot be shown to the target of the prank. Then find this very object in some crowded place and offer to show it a trick. Say that you can pierce his knee with a match, but you need to prepare something else for the trick, so he must close his eyes. To prevent the victim from peeking, you cover her eyes with your hands. Then the assistant tries in vain to pierce the knee with a match. He doesn’t succeed, the match breaks, and you, in upset feelings, report that the trick didn’t work. At the same time, the victim’s face remains rather grimy.

How to get a guy to like you via pen pal

First, critically evaluate your page - how interested would you be in such an interlocutor? Look through the photos (not only the latest avatars, but also the archived ones, which you yourself have long since forgotten), flip through the audio recordings, read the available information in the profile.

If a guy is attracted to your page, try to create a positive first impression. But don't overdo it - if you've had a rough day, it's better to be honest about it than to pretend to be Miss Fun. The interlocutor is not an idiot.