There are people who always radiate energy and confidence, not paying attention to what they lack: money, beauty, connections. And even skeptics are surprised to find that they have fallen under their spell.
Such charming personalities live life to the fullest. They are the ones people turn to for help, advice or companionship. Those who are not like them, when left alone, ask themselves questions: what do they have that I don’t, what makes them so attractive?
What is their secret? In the feeling of self-sufficiency that comes from within.
Charming people do not seek constant approval because they are confident enough in themselves. They have one more thing in common: every day they relentlessly pursue their goal and achieve it. As you understand, being charming is not just luck. It's time to study the habits of charming people and use them to increase your personal effectiveness.
Follow the Platinum Rule
The golden rule—treat others the way you want to be treated—has a serious flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same. It ignores the fact that different people are motivated by different things. And while one loves public recognition, the other hates being the center of attention.
The Platinum Rule: Treat others the way they want to be treated.
Charming people have a good understanding of human nature. They adjust their behavior and communication style so that others feel comfortable with them.
Simplicity and confidence
Girls with charm always allow themselves to be themselves, without fear of seeming stupid or funny. They can spend time on a children's swing, sing songs loudly while walking in the park, or organize a cleanup day on their own. They rarely experience embarrassment or shame and are captivating with their simplicity.
Women with individual charm do not allow themselves to have an arrogant attitude towards people. Friendliness, participation and positivity are the main distinguishing features of the beautiful “life-lovers”. Charming ladies know how to accept compliments and do not skimp on them. Respectful, bright and happy individuals, like a pendulum among other people, attract with their inner light and warm communication.
Avoid small talk
There is no easier way to derail someone else's interest than to start a conversation with meaningless chatter. When you try to approach a person and start empty small talk, your interlocutor immediately switches his brain to autopilot and definitely does not feel real sympathy for you. Charming people, when starting a conversation, try to find something deep even in insignificant things. Their genuine interest in people helps them easily answer a good question and talk about what they consider important in different areas of life.
The charm of success
We all strive for some kind of achievement, some consciously, and some only at the subconscious level. Therefore, everyone is interested in someone who has achieved something in life, as an example of success, a source of valuable life advice, or an incentive to move forward and not stop there.
A successful person is the personification of the good life and well-being that each of us strives for. But this is not the only reason why successful people are so attractive . As a rule, those people who do not succeed are gloomy and depressing with their pessimism, poisoning the lives of those around them.
A successful personality is very attractive to others
Communication with such people is of little interest and even harmful, because a person who is a loser in life is unlikely to rejoice in someone else’s success, but will become a reliable shoulder in a difficult moment - he is loaded with his own personal problems.
A successful person is not burdened with the hardships of life, she does not oppress others, but moves through life with ease.
Focus on people more than anything else
Charming people have a genuine interest in those around them. As a result, they don't spend much time thinking about themselves. They don't worry about whether they are good enough because they are too busy with other people. That is why their charm does not require serious effort.
To make this habit work for you, put your smartphone aside and focus on the people around you. Pay attention to what and how they say, not how you respond. When people share something about themselves, ask them leading questions to show your interest.
Personal opinion
How do you still understand what charming means? The answer is simple. It is necessary to observe the young ladies, the distinctive features that make them so different from those around them. Charming women have a strong sense of honesty not only with others, but also with themselves. They always have their own opinion, regardless of the number of opposing ideological statements. However, for all their firmness, they do not try to impose their point of view on others.
What's stopping you from becoming attractive?
Usually the reason is deep inside. At the same time, you can try different communication styles, change your environment, give up habits, and so on. If the result still comes out negative and you don’t like this state of affairs, analyze the following internal barriers that may prevent you from becoming charming:
- Subconscious reluctance to contact society.
This is otherwise called social phobia. If you find it unpleasant to have a dialogue with a person, scared to talk to a stranger, or uncomfortable surrounded by strangers, others will certainly feel it and begin to take it personally.
- Psychological character – introvert.
When you are much more interested in studying your own inner world than the external one, the need for real contacts is reduced to a minimum. But this feature prevents you from becoming attractive only at the highest stage of development, if you constantly avoid communication and refuse any offer to spend time outside the home.
- The desire to hide one's true traits.
Wearing a mask does not always save you from close attention from your interlocutors. Most people still sense insincerity, so they won't find you attractive. First of all, you need to find out the reason why real emotions are hidden deep inside.
It is quite possible that there is a block on self-perception, and any manifestation of hidden personal characteristics is felt as going beyond social norms. Another option is a traumatic experience, when once someone has already rejected you as a person due to diverging views on human attractiveness.
- Obsessive desire to please.
This is not always a healthy manifestation of social contact. If you feel an urgent need for approval from someone from the outside, it is quite possible that you have low self-esteem.
- Violating the opponent's personal boundaries.
Each person has his own comfort zone, into which he does not want to let everyone in. You can be in a great hurry to get closer, violating such invisible boundaries and thereby pushing the person away from you. Usually, charm implies respect for someone else's comfort zone and the ability to tactfully close the distance without touching painful internal points. Uninvited tactility also falls into this point. Not everyone likes to be touched without permission.
After conducting a thorough self-analysis, pay attention to similarities with those mentioned above. You need to work with them first. After this, you can learn the very life hacks that will help you become attractive in the eyes of those around you.
Make jokes more often
A sense of humor plays an important role in the life of any person. Cheerful people who can joke appropriately attract people and can quickly win over any person. What is the secret of a charming girl? The fact is that she is not without self-irony. A person who knows how to make fun not only of others, but also laugh at himself is incredibly attractive. Don't dwell on your negative character traits. You can make fun of yourself and gradually eliminate your shortcomings.
Serious people look stern. It is more difficult to establish contact with them. Imagine that you meet a person on the street. If you immediately discuss global issues with a stranger, he will think that you are too preoccupied. And if you make a couple of jokes and talk about everyday topics, you will seem not only smart, but also a charming person.
Low self-esteem
If a guy is not confident when he interacts with women, then he will not be considered charming. If a man has low self-esteem and expects a woman to be gentle with him and give him a chance to get to know her, he will not be seen as charming.
If a guy has bad manners—talking with his mouth full, being too loud or too bossy, never saying “please” or “thank you,” and having a bad attitude towards jobs like being a waiter, he will never be considered charming.
A man may be able to attract some women who like bad boys, but most of them will think he is an “idiot” and will start avoiding him.
If a guy doesn't know how to attract a girl, create sexual tension between them, and seduce her, he won't be considered charming either. The fair sex may love him as a person, but they will never say that he is charming. Instead, she will see him as just a nice guy, friend or casual acquaintance, but will not have any sexual interest in him.
One last thing: if a guy doesn't have the social intelligence to be able to talk to women and hold an attractive conversation, then he won't be considered a charming person either.
Develop leadership skills
A confident person seems more attractive to others than a person with low self-esteem. If a person knows about his good qualities and is not afraid to demonstrate them, then those around him understand that the person does not have problems with self-esteem. Charming personality traits are determination, competence, a developed sense of humor and charisma. Having developed all this, you will understand that communicating with others is pleasant and useful.
A person who knows how and loves to talk quickly wins over people. A person who knows what he wants attracts others and knows how to motivate them. Don't be afraid to be the life of the party. A person who puts himself on display, brings up interesting topics and can always carry on a conversation is rated above the rest. Leaders attract like-minded people who will subsequently help the person implement his plans. You need to surround yourself with the right people who will help you develop and have fun in your leisure time.
To like other people, you have to love yourself
Only when we consider ourselves attractive and accept ourselves for who we are, respect our dreams, desires, ideas, character traits, do we attract others to us. There are no ideal people, and perhaps not everyone will like you, but those who fall under your personal charm will treat you sincerely and with respect.
The main secret of charm is self-love. Charming people do not judge themselves or others. They are open to love. They think about love, and love shows in their every action!
Deepak Chopra
Self-love, self-confidence and sincerity are three qualities that make people like us. In order to strengthen them and begin to attract good people into your life without putting on flattering or flirtatious masks, you can take certain actions. I want to talk about them in this article.
How to become charming
Developing charm is simple, but at the same time difficult. You will have to constantly work on yourself: behavior, body language and facial expressions, thinking. After all, charm is not only a neat appearance and a smile, it is also self-confidence, self-love, and self-understanding. So, let's look at working on ourselves point by point.
Non-verbal communication
From 60 to 80% of information is transmitted through non-verbal means of communication: body, gestures, facial expressions, intonation. This is what distinguishes charming people. They accept and understand their body, know how to manage it, and use it to their advantage. Do you accept your body?
Now let's look at nonverbal behaviors that help attract and keep people's attention:
- Show interest in the conversation: nod and tilt your head, carefully look into the eyes of your interlocutor, laugh, smile.
- Supporting the story with gestures, placing emphasis with your hands. Depict what you are talking about. Clap, stamp, enhance the impact of words.
- Use facial expressions to depict what you are talking about. Let it be deliberately feigned and exaggerated. If you see it yourself and joke about it, then others will perceive it positively. For example, you can throw your arms wide and rush into someone's arms. Or fake a wide smile.
When applying our recommendations in practice, do not overdo it. A person waving his arms in a threatening manner, reminiscent of someone who has lost control of himself, is unlikely to look charming. Practice first at home in front of a mirror.
Remember one more important detail: do not violate other people's personal boundaries. Charming people do not neglect physical contact, they are sociable and assertive with everyone, they joke about themselves and others. But if you don’t want to turn into a scoundrel and an offender, then analyze the people who surround you. This is also the trick of charm: finding an individual approach to each person.
Individual approach
When you meet a charming person and start a conversation with him for the first time, you get the feeling that you have known him all your life. The reason lies in his ability to recognize people and find common ground. Try it too.
To begin with, you can simply use the expressions “and I”, “and me”, “me too”, “we are so similar” and so on. And later, when you understand what exactly unites you and the other person, be more specific. We are subconsciously drawn to those with whom we have something in common. We trust these people, we feel sympathy for them, we want to communicate with them. Charming people have a very well-developed ability to “read” people.
But this is a whole science. To begin with, you can understand psychotypes and learn to differentiate them. Then it is worth studying the literature on kinesics. This will help you understand people better. Although finding something in common, especially at the first meeting, is not so difficult:
- any song that you and your interlocutor know;
- general opinion in some conversation (sometimes you can pretend that your opinions coincide);
- goods from the store you go to together;
- a movie that's in theaters or that you both saw.
The more common, albeit minor, similarities you find, the faster you will win the favor of your interlocutor. What other phrases can you use: “Do you know what I mean?”, “If you know what I mean,” “You’ve probably experienced this feeling,” “I think you’ve also been in a similar situation.”
Or you can do it even simpler: listen carefully to your interlocutor and periodically insert phrases like “yes, that’s how it is,” “I agree,” “I support,” “I have the same opinion,” “I understand,” etc. Don’t forget about nonverbal signals of interest. Every person is pleased to realize that his experience and thoughts are accepted, shared, and understood.
Dialogues and polemics
Support in conversation does not mean that you have to always agree with someone else's opinion, flatter or deceive someone. Polemics and dialogues can also be interesting and attention-grabbing. The principle is this: you agree with your opponent (“you noticed this well”), and then express your point of view (“here I am,” “but it seems to me,” “what do you think,” “but you couldn’t imagine what if”) . If you first agree and recognize the value of another person’s opinion, then he will also accept your further objection or alternative point of view with respect.
The ability to be yourself
All people have strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages. Everyone makes mistakes. Allow yourself to be real, vulnerable. Don't play with ideals. Asking for help, admitting that you are scared or sad is not weakness. On the contrary, it is an indicator of inner strength and self-confidence. Trust me, other people will appreciate it if you allow them to truly get to know you.
Be sure to tell us what obstacles stood in the way of your goals, and what was left behind the scenes. Remember how we are inspired and delighted by someone’s example. How do we compare our difficulties with the difficulties of those who have already achieved success? World celebrities are happy to talk about all stages of their lives. And this attracts new fans.
Allow yourself to express all emotions, experience all feelings. These days, when people are used to hiding behind retouched photos and perfect social media profiles, naturalness and honesty are of particular importance. It is valued and respected, it attracts and wins over people. The main idea is attractive: he is not afraid to be himself, he accepts himself as he is.
But do not forget about moderation and appropriateness. Do not shift responsibility for your condition onto other people, do not allow yourself to throw “slop” at other people, do not shift your problems onto other people’s shoulders.
Initiative
Strong and confident people do not wait for the right conditions. They create them themselves. They can be the first to speak, ask, go somewhere. They are able to take responsibility, they believe in their own strength. They start conversations themselves and keep the conversation going.
Admiration and inspiration
Charming people find something good, surprising and beautiful in every person. That’s why they sincerely admire, compliment, praise, and support. By this they demonstrate to the interlocutor that it is interesting and fun to spend time with him. Needless to say, this increases the mood and self-esteem of the interlocutor. He feels good in the presence of a charming person.
Feel free to contact people
A person who is embarrassed when talking is unlikely to be an interesting conversationalist. Even if the person has something to talk about, she will not be able to do it. Do you want to become a charming and attractive person? Work on yourself. Get rid of false modesty. It doesn't make a person beautiful. Shyness is inappropriate during a confidential conversation. You must win over any interlocutor. If you are shy, you won't be able to do this.
How to get rid of modesty? We need to have more contact with people. The more communication practice a person has, the more relaxed he will feel. Talk to people whenever possible. Start a conversation in line, on public transport, on the street or at a party. You don't have to keep in touch with every person you meet. But if you like the person, then you can get close to her.
Old school
In the past, fascination was associated with heroes and knights who dueled with villains to defend a woman's honor. This would make her feel attracted to his bravery and strength.
A little later, men who wanted to learn how to be charming would throw their jacket, coat or cloak into the mud so that the girl could pass without getting her shoes dirty.
Old school movie heroes such as Errol Flynn, Cary Grant, Gary Cooper, Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart from the 30s, 40s, 50s were attractive to women because of their confidence and celebrity status. Then, when women saw them say and do nice things in films, they called them charming.
Today, charm is still an important part of men's and women's courtship, but it has changed to suit modern culture. For example, if a guy threw his jacket on the ground so a woman could pass, most would think he was weird. Although just a few decades ago this gesture was the main one for those who wanted to learn how to be charming.
Make a person love you
Which persons does a person like more than others? Those with whom he feels confident and comfortable. How to be charming? Make the person feel good around you. If he enjoys the conversation and after communicating with you, her self-esteem increases, then the person will try to look for a repeat meeting with you. It's not that hard to win people over. You need to force them to be themselves, not hide their personality under a mask and behave confidently. This is the main secret of the charm of many natures.
Sign language
What is the secret of a beautiful, charming person? The fact is that she has mastered sign language. Not all information comes to a person through the ears. A person receives most of it through the eyes. You need to learn to control your gestures. And the first thing you should do is get rid of “closed” body movements. If you want others to trust you more and be able to open up around you, then don’t close yourself off from them. Don't cross your arms and legs. Do not turn your body away from the person you are talking to. Try to use broad gestures. Use your hands actively when speaking. Do not hide your hands in your pockets or twist anything in your hands.
Charming natures are distinguished by special facial expressions. These people often smile and are not afraid to show their emotions to their interlocutor. Don't put on a mask of indifference when talking. Include your face in the dialogue. There is no point in grimacing and exaggerating your emotions. Your opponent must understand that you really enjoy talking to him. Therefore, empathize with his story, laugh at the person’s jokes and be sad if the story told to you has tragic overtones.
Get out of your comfort zone
How to develop charisma? If you continue to live the life you are living, it will be difficult to change anything. The most charming person often has to leave his comfort zone. You need to do the same.
What is the point of such an exercise? By challenging yourself, you become smarter and braver. When you do crazy things, you realize that the limitations are created by you, but in fact they do not exist. Make it a point to do something that scares you every week. Such actions will be different for each person. For example, one person is afraid to go to a party alone, while another finds it difficult to overcome their fear and jump with a parachute.
Are you shy about people? This means you need to attend crowded events more often. Are you afraid of extreme entertainment? This means that you should join a club where people practice extreme recreation. Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Don't be afraid of judgmental looks. People won't admire you if you spend your leisure time in front of the TV. And if you live an interesting life, you will always have something to tell both your friends and new acquaintances.
Develop your communication skills
The most charming and attractive person finds it easy to make new acquaintances. Why? The persona knows how to win over any person. This art is not innate, it can be learned. How? Work on your diction. Your voice should be low and pleasant. Do not speak in a raised tone, take logical pauses after finishing a thought and always monitor the reaction of your interlocutor. If he gets bored, then change the topic of conversation.
It is important not only how you speak, but also what you say. Make sure that there are no filler words in your speech. Such phrases are very hard on the ears. Your speech should be smooth, like a song. Get rid of the swearing. It’s unpleasant to listen to a person who expresses all his emotions with swear words.
Do you want to learn how to be an interesting conversationalist? Read more. Pay attention to your development and always stay up to date with the latest news. Get into the good habit of watching or reading the news while having breakfast. Then you will always have something to talk about with others and you will be aware of all the latest events if they suddenly come up in conversation.
