Psychologist's advice insulted by ex-husband

For many Russian families, domestic violence has become commonplace, and, as a rule, the most severe cases are recorded. Types such as beatings, humiliation, psychological pressure, and insult are not made public. Sociological studies show that cruelty occurs in families with different social status and income levels. Many people believe that if a husband insults and humiliates his wife, then this is their own business, and no one should interfere in the conflict. However, great violence begins with small things.

If cruelty is not stopped at the very beginning, the outcome can be sad. According to the Ministry of Internal Affairs over the past 10 years, 70% of all murders are committed within the family. Moreover, approximately half of the crimes are committed by women who are no longer able to tolerate insults and beatings from their husbands.

With the strengthening of the social role and status of women, her marital behavior also changed. Female violence in the family is quite common, usually manifesting itself in the form of insults, both towards the husband and towards the children. To prevent serious consequences, it is important to know how to stop the aggressor, and what to do if the insult has already occurred.

Why does a spirit of competition arise between ex-spouses?

Former spouses are not just separated lovers, they are people who have gone through all the stages and difficulties of separation, from the first doubts and attempts to preserve a relationship that has become fragile, to the last difficult decisions about children, apartments, and finances.

Why does parting so often not bring a bright sense of freedom or at least just peace and satisfaction? Probably, in order to understand the essence of this problem, we must try to understand each relationship history.

After all, long before the divorce, a man and a woman lived a whole life together, full of incredible and vivid emotions. First meeting, falling in love, first intimacy - and it seems it will always be like this. This unforgettable stage, as a rule, remains in the memory and subconscious of a person for a long time.

All further problems and questions will be constantly compared with this best period of life together. But at some point the spouse suddenly begins to evoke pity (he cannot feed his family!), although he once seemed to be the personification of strength and masculinity.

A married woman often hears reproaches from her husband about how “slender or cheerful” she used to be.

And this is quite normal, because in the way of the young couple, “pushing the lyrics” to the background, everyday and financial problems arose that needed to be resolved.

Unfortunately, often the joint “struggle for life” - finding a job, raising children, household chores, instead of uniting a married couple, brings discord and hostility into the relationship.

An unspoken competition arises about who contributes more to family well-being, who should have the final say, who is the leader, and so on.

The inability to stop in time and sort out one’s differences, the reluctance to simply feel sorry for a partner, to sympathize with each other like a “funnel” drags them into an even greater whirlpool of disagreements, leading to unnecessary showdowns, and sometimes mutual unfair insults.

Important

Having found out why the ex-husband is angry with his ex-wife, try to establish human communication. This needs to be done for several reasons:

The partners had a close relationship. Therefore, they are well aware of the advantages and disadvantages. It is better to keep a person who knows your weaknesses closer.
If events develop favorably, the ex-husband will be able to be useful: he will give advice, fix the faucet in the kitchen, babysit the child, take him to the dacha.
Children will not have to make a choice between their parents or listen to unpleasant statements addressed to mom or dad.
The usual circle of communication will remain. Mutual acquaintances, in-laws, and friends will remain close.
A friendly relationship between ex-spouses often revives a broken marriage.

A favorable outcome of events depends on many nuances that must be taken into account:

the desire to bury the “hatchet” must necessarily be mutual;
chances of success appear if the reason for the breakup is not so significant;
consent of relatives and friends to provide support in restoring the marriage;
personal life of separated spouses;
children's reaction to their parents' separation.

Why does an ex-husband insult his ex-wife after a divorce?

This “unresolvable” dispute can continue after the divorce. Having failed to come to an agreement in their life together, the spouses experience a feeling of dissatisfaction and incompleteness of the conversation.

The hostility towards each other that arose during marriage cannot go away - resentment, the desire to humiliate, insult cannot simply disappear after a stamp of divorce.

In men this is expressed more strongly - a feeling of humiliation and wounded pride force him to continue to “assert himself” after the divorce. A false sense of humiliated pride pushes the ex-spouse to new “exploits.”

At this time, a compelling and significant reason is needed so that the former family man can “let go” of his partner, forget, try to understand and forgive past grievances.

Each spouse should strive to “switch”, using various objective circumstances: new attachments, work, hobbies, household arrangements (repairs, construction of a summer house), sports. If you have children, the desire to look decent in their eyes, as well as working on yourself, will help you cope with “wrong” emotions.

If the couple regrets the divorce, is it possible to restore the marriage?

Another situation that sometimes seems strange to others is when divorced spouses again try to improve their relationship, and this is not such a rare and surprising event.

Not all divorces are a well-thought-out and only correct way out of the situation. Often the decision to get a divorce is made rashly, under the influence of strong emotions, and then you have to regret what you did.

This could be the betrayal of one of the spouses or any other offense that cannot be forgiven or forgotten for a long time. It seems that pain and resentment obscure everything, but in fact, memory carefully preserves love, purity, and everything that once connected the couple. In such situations, the banal phrase “time heals” answers the question of why these two people, who recently seemed strangers, are together again.

This is a very difficult situation when ex-spouses again think about a new marriage, “again following the same rake”? But in fact, there are many positive and encouraging moments in it. First of all, people who are already familiar with the complexities of family life are going to live together.

By making a decision to be together again, they are potentially ready for them . They, most likely, were able to forgive, learned to understand each other, and this is important in family life. Having divorced, they had to make a kind of “inventory” of their own relationships and highlight the main thing in them.

Each of us makes mistakes, and the right decision is not always on the surface; sometimes you have to go to it in a difficult indirect way, and there is nothing strange, and certainly not bad, in the fact that after a divorce, ex-spouses try to be together again.

How should a woman behave with an aggressive ex-husband?

But what should you do if it happens that your ex-partner does not want to change and continues to pursue you, showing aggression?

And although a lot of effort has been made, attempts to sort things out, to “sit down at the negotiating table” in order to look together for the reasons for resentment and dissatisfaction - everything is in vain, even the proposed concessions “do not work”.

Indeed, deadlock circumstances often arise when no conversations or proposals help - the unreasonable aggression of the ex-spouse does not subside.

Having mentally abstracted ourselves from this person, as from an old acquaintance, imagining him as a complete stranger, but in essence this is the case, we again ask ourselves the same question, slightly changing it: what should I do if a stranger behaves maliciously towards me? or aggressive?

The answer to the question of what to do with an aggressive ex, as if on the surface, is to turn to specialists. Exist:

law enforcement agencies,
social services,
crisis centers for women,
psychological support services,

They are obliged to help, suggest in which direction to move, or, as a last resort, protect the victim.

Can he come back and what should I do about it?

All men return one day, but not to every woman, but only to the one whose image is imprinted on the soul and lodged in the heart. Even after a difficult breakup, a long separation and across distances, he will return if he truly loved.

How to behave when meeting your ex-husband so that he wants to return to you? Friendly but cold. There should be no tears, hysterics, threats, scandals or claims. A man will never return to a crying, humiliating, hysterical or blackmailing woman. He will regret that he lost only the one who is dazzling and interesting, self-sufficient and balanced. Become a treasure and then he will want to have it again. That's all, goodbye.

Who is characterized by aggressive behavior?

There are several categories of people who find good reasons for insults:

Unsure. Complex people who want to exalt themselves above others often descend to psychological bullying. By reacting in this way, they mask personal complexes, assert themselves in their own eyes and lower the self-esteem of their interlocutor.
Unbalanced. This group of people is distinguished by an amazing ability to find a reason for insults in any controversial situation. Being aggressive, they do not even allow the thought of the possibility of a delicate explanation of the problem. It is much easier for them to humiliate than to try to convincingly convey their point of view.

Immature. This category, for the most part, includes illiterate teenagers. But in some cases, it is replenished by adults who refuse to grow up and develop. Their vocabulary is so poor that insult remains the easiest way to react to the actions of others.
Unlucky ones. Feeling weak and incompetent, they splash out their anger and aggression on absolutely innocent people, without thinking that all these emotions arise from dissatisfaction with their own lives.
Sufferers. No matter how their daily life goes, these people will always find something to cry about. They can be upset by the slightest troubles that have no significance. Having depleted their energy charge, sufferers feel the need to “recharge.” These people know how to carefully disguise aggression. They react to their interlocutors not just with obscene language, but with sophisticated insults that leave an indelible mark.

Regardless of the reasons that provoked the conflict situation, you need to be able to respond competently to what is happening. The right approach will nip insults in the bud and prevent the aggressor from getting the emotions he needs. Otherwise, the offender may like the response to humiliation and regular bullying will simply become a habit.

You are worthy of respect!

Girls! Families are created for mutual love, support and respect. If you are deprived of peace due to constant grievances against your husband, it’s time to change something. I tell you how to do this in the online course “Secrets of Women’s Happiness.”

On it you will be able to: