From time to time, each of us experiences a feeling of loneliness. In some cases, it is completely justified and accepted by the individual, in others it begins to internally put pressure on the person. How to get rid of the feeling of loneliness and uselessness? What can you do to make these negative experiences disappear?
If the feeling of loneliness is associated with feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and despair, and this lasts for more than two weeks, then it is necessary to take action. It may be worth seeking psychological help. Today, consultation with a psychologist can be obtained online. You don’t have to go anywhere, make an appointment or spend personal time to get rid of loneliness. Just choose the expert you like on our website and call him or write to the chat. Competent and experienced psychologists will help you find the origins of existing problems and determine ways to get rid of them.
Manifestations
The feeling of uselessness is impossible to ignore. This painful feeling overwhelms a person and does not allow him to fully enjoy life. The symptoms of this condition are very noticeable. Before you think about how to cope with negative attitudes, you need to learn to distinguish between the manifestations themselves.
Feeling helpless
The person feels unable to cope even with basic tasks. It seems to him that no matter what he touches, disappointment awaits him everywhere. Experiences can be very strong and long-lasting, especially if they affect moments of personal reflection. This may lead to a feeling of despair. The individual becomes too fixated on what is happening and does not know what to do when he finds himself in a new, unfamiliar situation. The feeling of helplessness does not allow you to make the right decision, because it reveals a weakness in character. The individual stops trusting himself and does not know how to concentrate on making the right decision.
Envy
Other people seem more successful. This is because a person gets used to comparing himself with others, thereby losing his own individuality. A person is constantly in tension to meet someone else's expectations. Too much internal energy is spent on worry, on comparing, analyzing, looking for shortcomings in oneself and endlessly doubting. Envy is born from distrust of oneself and unwillingness to rely on the individual experience gained. Envy awakens in response to endless doubts and worries. There is not enough internal strength to deal with difficulties.
Depreciation of merit
The inability to see one's achievements is another distinguishing feature. A person simply cannot understand what is of greatest value to him. He constantly rushes between a sense of duty and his own desires. There is a devaluation of existing merits. It seems that previous achievements are an accident, that in fact the personality itself has nothing to do with it. Against this background, prolonged depression and a state of general dissatisfaction with life often develop. It turns out that no matter what an individual undertakes, bitter disappointment awaits him everywhere.
Lack of understanding of your goals
The next point follows from the previous point - this is the inability to realize one’s own prospects and capabilities. A person simply does not notice them, because he does not analyze everything that happens to him, but only remains in endless accusations. Self-reproach cannot lead to happy realization. As a result, self-doubt is formed, a lack of understanding of what one should strive for and where one should direct one’s efforts. This is a very painful condition that does not lead to anything good. When a person is not aware of individual desires, he inevitably begins to adapt to the opinions of others, seeking consolation and advice from them.
Requests for help Write your story Hello. I am 45 years old, and I absolutely don’t want to live anymore, the feeling of hopelessness is simply overwhelming. I’m not an alcoholic, not a drug addict, or anything else, but the feeling of uselessness and worthlessness in this life does not leave me.
Not native, age: 45 / 01/09/2013
Responses:
Sometimes I get overwhelmed by this feeling too.
But God helps me overcome this feeling of worthlessness. He fills my soul with peace and tranquility when I pray to Him, when I tell Him about my troubles and problems. God created you and He needs you. God has his own plans for you on this earth. If you need someone nearby, go to the hospital and help someone worse off than you. This will help. This often helps me come to my senses and understand that there is something to thank God for on this earth. I have arms and legs, I see. I have a 3 degree disability. in vision, and I began to appreciate vision only when I began to lose it. But God has been merciful to me and I can still see. This is such happiness! God bless you, my dear. I believe that in your life there will be people who need you :)
Tatiana, age: 32 / 01/09/2013
One day Elder Paisius was brought to the hospital (an attack of angina) and in the office the doctor asked what was hurting you, the elder answered: soul, and continued: can you give me medicine that heals the soul? The doctor shrugged his shoulders. So I’ll tell you where to get it. such a medicine, you will heal yourself and people. This medicine is the sacraments of the Church - unction, confirmation, confession and communion. When your soul is already hurting, only prayer will heal it and read the lives of the saints, you will see it easier. May the Lord make you wise.
RESUSCITATOLOGIST, age: 29 / 01/09/2013
I came to this site to write almost your words. I also don’t want to live like this anymore. I hate the morning because I have to open my eyes, get up and do a lot of things that I just HAVE to do. But what if life has long been HELL during life, and you are alive only because, again, you HAVE to think about your loved ones? I am just a shell, doing something every day for many years, but long ago empty inside and having lost all hope of coping with it. I am a bad adviser for you, but I feel the same as you feel, unlike many who give advice here... By the way, regarding the previous advice, go to the hospital to see someone who is worse. I tried it - it doesn't help. I went to help a girl with cancer, after a few visits she noticed that they only needed money from me, the treatment was very expensive and they had no time for someone else’s aunt, “just give me the money and get out of here, it’s sickening without you”... It’s easier to transfer money. I list them, but it doesn’t get any easier. I understand, and it can’t get any easier because someone else is feeling bad too. This is essentially not correct. Only complete egoists, fixated on themselves and without a soul, can say that they feel better at the sight of someone else’s grief. I wrote a lot, but did not console me. Sorry, I’m on the verge of suicide, I don’t even have anyone to talk to... And I also need to somehow survive tomorrow.
K.I.P. , age: 44 / 01/09/2013
Hello. I am 17 years old. Completely disappointed. From time to time I am normal, from time to time I become a different person. I am losing my memory, attentiveness, mind and myself. How to live and do something, sometimes it’s me, sometimes it’s not me? Change again and again and lose everything.
123, age: 17 / 01/09/2013
Why such hopelessness? Why uselessness and worthlessness? What events have happened recently in your life? What's wrong with your health? You just mention that you are 45, do you somehow connect hopelessness with age?
Nelly, age: ** / 01/10/2013
Tell us more about yourself, dear!
Agnia Lvovna, age: 72 / 01/10/2013
Good night! I will try to describe my situation, A few years ago, my family began to collapse: My husband began to walk, the eldest daughter left home, then a divorce, she and her husband parted like bitter enemies, the daughter also did not hide her hatred, She and her husband were together throughout 2012 I was getting on my nerves, with the sale of the apartment, with the deprivation of parental rights, with alimony - I don’t know how I stood it. Then, after two years of civil marriage, my daughter’s scheduled wedding was upset and she asked me for forgiveness and returned home, five months pregnant , and the would-be groom immediately married her friend. With the return of our daughter, the sale of the apartment (and we were planning to go with our youngest daughter to live in another state) became irrelevant. The child was born just on my birthday, it seemed that everything had worked out, my children were nearby, my granddaughter got a job that paid well, but my husband periodically put a spoke in the wheels, on the sly, but these were already trifles. All this is a preface, but the main problem is the relationship with the eldest daughter. I won’t say that I have an angelic character, but my daughter has completely let herself go. She periodically attacks me with her fists, accuses me that I am a bad mother, a bad wife, that I have ruined everything and that she hates me for it, the youngest, looking at this, also has hysterics, and I want to run away from home. Then she calms down and gives me some things and asks for forgiveness, and a few days later everything repeats again, another fight, again she breaks my things, again she threatens, and so on in a circle. I have already tried to rent an apartment for myself in order to live separately with my youngest, but she threatens that she will do something to herself and the baby... Moreover, when another scandal begins, she simply forces me to respond, and when I break down, after that he walks and hums. I tried to solve this problem with my husband, but he just rubs his hands contentedly. I’m emotionally terribly tired, sometimes it seems like my head will explode, I just don’t want to live, I feel like I fell into a swamp many years ago (this is how I now see my marriage, 23 years long), and I just can’t get out of there. I dug through a bunch of spiritual literature, psychological, I go to church, talk with the priest, I understand that this is my cross, I know that everything is within my power, I’m trying to look at the situation from the outside, but I don’t see any light, I’m afraid that I’ll go crazy, and a tragedy will happen. I don’t see my future life at all, my personal life isn’t working out either, there’s no protection. I saw a psychologist, I don’t have so-called depression, I’m completely adequate, I read a lot about accepting the situation with humility…. But what should I do? Do I really have to endure beatings with humility, is this really my cross? And today (or rather yesterday) there was another scandal with a fight, though I couldn’t stand it and also responded, both I and my daughter are bruised, scratched, and I have tomorrow , to work (I work as an engineer), my next netbook was broken, my third, countless phones, the scandal began simply banal - I was sitting in my room at the computer, reading interesting literature (my daughter thought that I had an indifferent face, and she attacked me with fists and insults). This is how I have been living for the last months. Sorry for the chaotic letter. No strength to edit.
Not native, age: 45 / 01/13/2013
Good evening! I'm getting ready for work, I have a night shift today. Another scandal with my daughter. She finds fault with absolutely everything, you sit wrong, you fly wrong, I irritate her for any reason. It’s impossible to say that I’m an “amoeba”, I have a leadership position, I work exclusively with men, everything works out at work, but when I go out and come home, everything immediately becomes somehow tasteless and colorless. I don’t even see people on the streets, I just know that there are people. My daughter also constantly pulls at my husband, so he left you, so he’s happy with someone else, etc. At one time, she actively contributed to the collapse of our family (I’m not trying to shift the blame to her, I’m just stating a fact). I don’t feel the same way about my ex-husband either, he came yesterday (for the first time in a year), a complete stranger, a stranger to me, nothing skipped a beat, just empty in my soul and that’s all. I'm sick. Previously, I led an active lifestyle, I was always flying to help someone, the phone did not stop ringing, I had a lot of ideas, it seemed there were no unsolvable problems and everything really worked out, there was always a crowd of friends and relatives, my family never liked it. I they called “Mother Teresa” or “perpetual motion machine”, jokingly of course, and then in 2007, when everything broke down, I moved away from everything, I just wanted silence. Another problem came out, my teeth began to fall out, not just to deteriorate, but to fall out, the doctors shrugged it off, absolutely nothing helped me, and due to the condition of the bones, prosthetics are impossible, at least for today. My family didn’t even support me and this was treated as a reproach. I’ve already written everything else.
Not native, age: 45 / 01/15/2013
Hello again! No one else has answered me, or is my story too banal, or I simply cannot be helped?
Not native, age: 45 / 01/21/2013
You know, I really want to support you, dear! I just can’t find the words! This “black” streak must end... I always repeat to myself: God save and preserve me! It doesn’t always help, of course, but still... I think the eldest daughter is playing a game with you, and you answer her according to her terrible rules! Try changing the rules... For example, she grabs you, and you go into the shower, lock yourself in the bathroom and let the water run. You go out, she starts again, you go to the toilet, to a neighbor or to sleep... You are a lightning rod for her, you understand... or agree with what she says, “yes, daughter, of course, you’re right.” As for the fights, it’s bad, everything will come back to her. As I understand it, she doesn’t work, she sits with the child, on your neck. You can ask her to leave you alone, otherwise you will get sick and there will be no one to feed her, right? And you are very strong, you can cope with God’s help. And maybe you’ll take a vacation and go on vacation alone…. and don’t be afraid, she won’t do anything to the child... There won’t be anything to blackmail you with then... Vacation is not a bad idea, you really need it... it’s a respite. Sorry for the confusion, your story was very disturbing...
Svetlana, age: 45 / 03/28/2013
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Causes
The feeling of uselessness does not form on its own. This requires compelling reasons. Most often, people do not record what is happening to them. It seems as if events really happen at random and are not controlled by anything. Let's take a closer look at the available reasons. So, why does the feeling of uselessness arise? Let's try to understand such a delicate issue.
Low self-esteem
If a person does not know how to value himself, then in a relationship he will always play the role of a victim. Most often, there is no understanding of one’s own importance, one’s own talents and capabilities. Any desired prospects seem distant and doubtful. Low self-esteem makes it impossible to show character when necessary. Even if circumstances require decisive action, such a person will be in doubt and indecision. He is simply not used to taking responsibility and acting from his own motives.
Negative experience
Whether we like it or not, we always rely on previous life experience. Whatever it is, it is of great value to us, because it leads us forward and helps us see the truth. If a person has only negative experience of interacting with others, then he will be wary of everything that happens. It will often seem to him that everyone is capable of setting him up, everyone he meets wants to deceive him and gain his own benefit.
Trauma of violence
If a person has such trauma, then there is a serious danger of not trusting people on a permanent basis. A person can be in this state for years, but still not find the strength to try to fix something. Experiencing violence at any stage of life is a serious test for the psyche. More often than not, a person breaks down and becomes unable to make the right decision. The trauma of violence causes incredible mental pain and contributes to an increase in anxiety.
Violation of personal boundaries
This may include experiences associated with defending one’s personal space. It really hurts your heart and doesn't help you feel happy. Violation of personal boundaries is always an invasion of the individual world, and sometimes very rude. If this happens on a regular basis, then the sense of stability in life is lost. It seems that there is nothing truly meaningful, interesting or beautiful. The ground under your feet is lost, even small problems seem colossal.
What is loneliness
Loneliness has many faces, and the concept itself carries both negative and positive connotations. Loneliness can be a social phenomenon - a person lives alone, or it can mean an emotional state - in a family or circle of friends people feel lonely.
Two synonyms for loneliness - isolation and solitude - carry two opposite emotional connotations.
Isolation is rather a negative concept, meaning a person’s isolation from society, his exclusion from ordinary relationships between people. Solitude, as a rule, is voluntary and carries a positive tone. A person retires to rest, stops all communications to find himself in this world. Solitude is a free choice to be away from society.
How to get rid
You need to know how to overcome the feeling of being useless to anyone. After all, if this condition lasts for years, sooner or later it will lead to internal devastation. A person cannot be in a state of emotional burnout for a long period, otherwise it will be impossible to sleep peacefully with disturbing thoughts. The inability to trust anyone undermines mental health, contributes to the emergence of fears and all kinds of doubts. Having an idea of how to get rid of such a negative impression, you can act thoughtfully and consistently. This will allow you to get closer to what you want and concentrate on the result.
Personal boundaries
They are necessary to understand one’s purpose and discover vital forces. Only in this case does the person begin to act consciously, with full conviction of what is really happening to him. Building individual barriers is necessary when communicating with other people. The fact is that if we don’t do this, then those around us will inevitably begin to take advantage of our kindness, which they will mistake for weakness. Personal boundaries are necessary for a quality life, to designate an individual “territory.” It exists on the mental plane. By invading the inner world of another person, we do not make him happier; rather, on the contrary, we devastate him energetically.
Personal boundaries help to avoid the situation when a person is used for their own purposes by others, when he is a hostage to an unpleasant situation for himself. We must feel where our mental “territory” is and be able to defend it. In the family, threats and reproaches are unacceptable, leading to a violation of understanding where one personality ends and another begins. The child must have his own room, where he can retire, relax, and make the right decision. If for a small child this is an advantage, then for a teenager having personal space is simply necessary for the healthy development of personality and effective self-development.
Taking responsibility
When thinking about what to do with the feeling of uselessness, few people think that they need to try to take responsibility. This means refusing to blame yourself and others, focusing on purely positive aspects. Situations are different, but you shouldn’t perceive everything as a tragedy. Responsibility for your personal condition implies a thoughtful attitude to each specific case. Responsibility is a big step forward. If you accept responsibility for your life, you stop blaming others for what happened. A prerequisite: you must make all decisions yourself, without relying on the help of others.
Actions from the heart
In other words, you need to act from the heart, without trying to predict in advance what will happen next. This is an interesting experience that you need to take into account and learn to trust yourself. You should give up self-blame and stop focusing on negative aspects. Believe me, what comes from the depths of the heart will definitely find a response among people. People around you will begin to perceive you as a brave and sympathetic person. For this reason, it is worth trying and developing self-confidence with all your might.
Favourite buisness
When we are busy with something that brings us true pleasure, there is a desire to complete the work we have started. Then a feeling of inspiration comes, everything turns out quickly and does not require serious modifications. It is very important to decide on your own desires as soon as possible. Only in this case will you be able to feel happiness. A favorite activity is one that brings joy and allows you to experience a colossal surge of strength. The feeling of inspiration is a pleasant bonus that leads you forward and helps to reveal the hidden powers of the soul. I want to move mountains, act as my heart tells me, on instinct. This is a time of individual transformation, when great things become possible, and an incentive for self-development appears. It is very important to learn to act in accordance with your personal beliefs and not try to force events.
Thus, the feeling of uselessness is the result of an incorrect attitude towards oneself. It will take time and patience to free yourself from negative attitudes and stop concentrating on what causes unbearable mental pain. Instead, you need to start setting new goals for yourself and voicing your desires. If you are unable to cope with the problem on your own, we recommend contacting the community of psychologists and rehabilitation specialists Irakli Pozharisky. Working with a specialist will help you understand your true aspirations.
A deep sense of loneliness and the struggle for a worthy place in the sun
Since man is a social being, he constantly needs communication. It is important for him to have friends who would listen, support and help him cope with difficulties. Otherwise, he considers himself unnecessary and “superfluous at this celebration of life.” If the feeling of loneliness is not dealt with, it eventually becomes chronic and needs to be treated. What will help you break down the “concrete wall” of alienation and enjoy life with other people? A few simple tips.
Understanding your essence
The psychology of loneliness has several facets. Some people specifically set aside time to be alone with themselves. Such moments bring them real satisfaction. In a calm environment, they think, do what they love or read books.
For them, loneliness is a lifeline from the hustle and bustle, and not a problem.
However, there are those for whom alienation brings unbearable pain and suffering. Therefore, to get rid of loneliness, you need to analyze your inner world. Identify the reasons that prevent you from being a full-fledged member of society. On a piece of paper you can describe in detail your feelings and motives. Make an honest analysis, set an achievable goal and take action.
Positive heart attitude
Everyone knows that people are not able to read other people's thoughts. Therefore, you should not attribute bad motives to others. For example, a person on social networks sees photos of friends having a wonderful time. A positive attitude will help you be happy for them rather than jealous. As a rule, loneliness does not arise due to specific situations. The main problem is the attitude towards them.
By focusing on something positive every day, you can gradually develop a positive attitude.
Avoiding unrealistic generalizations
When a person is especially lonely, sad thoughts come to his mind:
- "Nobody loves me."
- "Nobody needs me".
- "They always avoid me."
Such generalizations cause even greater feelings of loneliness. As a result, a person finds himself in a vicious circle. He makes himself an outcast. Therefore, experts advise not to rush to conclusions. The words “nobody”, “never” and “always” are devoid of common sense.
Every person has relatives, work colleagues, neighbors, acquaintances and true friends. This means that in reality there are no absolutely lonely people.
Desire to communicate
Experts have noticed that the antidote to loneliness is live communication. It helps get rid of sad thoughts and gives confidence in life. A conversation can be started on any topic. The main thing is to show sincere interest in the interlocutor and listen to him carefully. There is no need to get hung up on one person. It is better to expand your circle of friends who will help break down the wall of isolation.
According to experts, a lack of beneficial communication often leads to premature death. This is 2 times more serious than smoking 15 cigarettes in 12 hours.
As a rule, such effective advice is only the beginning of the path to freedom from loneliness. There is no need to slow down and give up if something doesn’t work out. Let every step be a small victory that gives you strength to fight the feeling of loneliness to the end.
