How to stop having complexes with or without reason: 9 proven methods

Such obsessive thoughts about one’s own imperfection completely destroy self-esteem, reduce confidence and interfere with building harmonious relationships not only with the opposite sex, but entirely with society. Psychological complexes are manifestations of neurotic reactions and fears, aspirations and internal relationships to the outside world. They are generated by words, thoughts and ideas about one’s own personality that have been repressed from the conscious area or suppressed. Suppression of significant assessments of one’s own manifestation gives rise to quite strong, but always negatively colored emotions (shame, guilt, fear, feeling flawed or unworthy).

Admit to yourself that you have a complex

The main work to overcome your internal barriers begins with identifying the problem. Complexes make us look at what is happening stereotypically, hostilely, disappointedly and enviously. We develop isolation, fear, shame, indecision, stiffness, guilt and other sensations that prevent us from interacting normally with ourselves and others.

This gives the impression that we live an inferior life and that we ourselves are only half normal. At some point, this can lead to prolonged depressive states, from which it is sometimes very difficult to get out. Moreover, we may feel that we do not deserve what happens to us - from a successful career to the love of our girlfriend.

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To avoid all this, first you just need to admit the existence of the problem and share it with a minimum number of close people. Thus, in the future, your “shortcomings” can be transformed into features that distinguish you from others and make you unique.

How to get rid of complexes: 10 ways

Since we cannot consciously control our own complexes, we cannot simply tell ourselves not to worry about something. However, by giving yourself the right attitudes, you can gradually rebuild your psyche and forever get rid of unnecessary reasons for worry. And 10 simple techniques will help with this. The main thing is to take each of them extremely seriously.

Find out the reason

Complexes do not arise just like that, but under the influence of specific events - one-time or ongoing. Having determined what exactly makes you feel complex, think about how relevant this problem is, whether it is worthy of worry and how to solve it.

Solve or start solving a problem

Solving the problem is the most important step on the path to getting rid of complexes. For example, if the main reason for your worries is an imperfect figure, you can reconsider your diet and start running in the mornings (or evenings). Every person has the ability to become a little better in any area that is important to them. Think about how you can improve your appearance, improve your health, or increase your productivity. In the fight against complexes, even a minor detail that increases self-esteem can play a significant role.

Stop comparing yourself to others

This habit is instilled in us by school teachers and parents, comparing us with more diligent classmates and other peers. But how can an adult get rid of complexes if there will always be more successful people? To do this, you need to get rid of this habit. Stop comparing yourself to anyone and don't let your loved ones do it.

Don't be afraid to change

As noted above, everyone can become a little better. The main thing is not to be afraid of change if it is really important to you. Have you ever dreamed of changing your hairstyle? Take action! Reconsider your style, update your wardrobe. Get rid of the habit of being late and missing project deadlines, stop using swear words, and work on your manners. There are many areas in which every person is able to change, becoming noticeably better in their own eyes and in the eyes of others.

Accept your own shortcomings

Each person is endowed with certain shortcomings, so there is no point in striving for the ideal. Look at those around you: they live, work, have families and raise children, despite their imperfect appearance, being overweight or having too high a receding hairline at the edges of their foreheads. Each of us has a lot of similar flaws that make us imperfect. But some people live calmly with this, while others worry about every little thing. Just stop thinking about your own failures and shortcomings as something significant, and focus on the things that really matter.

Learn to ignore the opinions of ill-wishers

Many people like to judge and criticize others (by the way, their own complexes force them to do this). Listen less to such criticism. Pay attention to whether the person wants to help you correct a mistake or is simply judging your shortcomings. And if the second statement is true, just ignore his opinion.

Love life and people

A positive perception of the surrounding reality is a powerful weapon in the fight against complexes. Smile, enjoy every day, be polite and courteous with good people, and try to distance those who cause negative emotions as much as possible from yourself. It is also advisable to learn not to respond to aggression with aggression. Behave with dignity and do not give in to provocations.

Learn to say “No!”

Perhaps this advice seems “hackneyed” to you. However, the ability to refuse is an essential skill that can greatly improve your self-esteem. Don't look for excuses, don't allow yourself to feel guilty. Just politely refuse whenever you don't want to agree.

2. Become less demanding of yourself

Some people are very demanding of themselves, and therefore experience constant dissatisfaction. They may not like literally everything about themselves - from their appearance to their career position.

However, it is likely that such people simply underestimate the significance of their successes and are guided by unrealistic beauty standards.

Each of us needs to remember that we cannot do everything and we do not have to look like action heroes who took several hours to make up. We are original and will achieve everything at our own pace, so don’t rush and be biased towards yourself.

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Why do complexes appear?

Most complexes arise in childhood under the influence of condemnation from adults, childhood mistakes, disappointments and other unpleasant events. Most often, the appearance of such unconscious attitudes occurs under the influence of negative experiences associated with strong emotions.

There are 3 main sources of complexes:

1. Parents
   . About 90% of complexes are formed thanks to parents. The child is sensitive to things that adults consider normal or unimportant. Rudeness in communication, dependence, demonstration of power, emotional and physical violence in the family shock children and form in them complexes of victims and tormentors. The child, realizing his own powerlessness, accumulates pain and aggression, gradually displacing bad memories into the unconscious part of his psyche.
2. Relatives
   . Other family members also make a significant contribution to the development of complexes in the child. Children are very sensitive to praise and condemnation from adults. And any casually thrown phrase can form a complex, which will be very difficult to get rid of.
3. Society
   . At the age of 12-14 years, for a teenager, the place he occupies among friends is of particular importance. He needs respect, tries to be bright and noticeable. If he encounters bullying and other manifestations of teenage aggression, he develops complexes that are difficult to eradicate. And even adults need constant self-affirmation, and inappropriate jokes (for example, about their figure or a not particularly prestigious job) can form new complexes in them.

3. Stop comparing yourself to others

In the era of glamorous Instagram profiles with millions of followers and refined content, comparing yourself to others is as destructive as possible. Looking through a feed with photos and videos of supposedly successful people, a person may have the illusion that his life is the most boring possible. However, this is far from true, because Instagram is the same illusion.

You can be inspired by the examples of other people, you can agree with them and even learn from their cases, but in no case should you allow yourself to think that you are worse than someone.

We have no idea what is hidden behind the bright profile of this or that media person. However, most likely, there is an ordinary person with his own weaknesses and problems, like the rest of us.

What are complexes?

A complex is a formed set of distortions present in a person’s perception of himself. The term "complex" was first used by Sigmund Freud and his mentor Joseph Breuer in their joint work "A Study in Styles" in 1895.

The authors decipher this concept as “a set of thoughts and ideas that are uncontrollable or not completely controlled by a person’s consciousness.” Further popularization of the term is the merit of Carl Gustav Jung, an ally and follower of Freud, who carefully studied this phenomenon.

4. Stop telling everyone around you that you have flaws.

In fact, most people don't notice your external features, like acne or scars, until you tell them about it. Therefore, you should not focus on these features. Otherwise, the person will notice your pimple, and it will be difficult for him to switch because you decided to show it to him.

By the same principle, you shouldn’t say that you are lazy, stupid, slow-witted, forgetful, and so on. If you tell others about this, they will definitely believe you and be biased towards you.

Believe me, a person will draw conclusions about you himself, so you shouldn’t spoil the picture for him.

Formation example

Often the problem begins in childhood. Let's imagine that in the third grade at school the teacher put us in front of our classmates and parents and decided to reprimand us for minor offenses. She did her best in this matter, but, as it seemed to her, only for good purposes.

If you take things to heart, you will experience strong emotions near the board. This feeling will be fixed on a subconscious level and will haunt you in adulthood.

If you feel lonely or abandoned, the reason may be that you were left alone for long periods of time as a child. The feeling of inferiority arises from frequent humiliations in the past.

This list can be continued for a long time. But don’t think that complexes arise solely because of dramatic shocks. Phrases heard addressed to you are often the reason for blocks. “What kind of child are you? When will you be normal?” or “Look at the other children, you’re stupid.” Careless statements from adults have their negative consequences. Kids perceive them more sharply, they do not yet have their own opinion, and their psyche has not yet fully formed. Parents are an authority for them. And if they tell us that they don’t love us or that everything is wrong with us, then the result will be disastrous.

Start overcoming your fears

This is where the main work of overcoming complexes begins. For example, if you are afraid of public speaking, it’s time to realize this and start moving towards improving your public speaking skills.

If you want to earn more, but are afraid that management will not appreciate you, start improving your qualifications, and then ask for a promotion.

Any fear and discomfort must be eliminated through overcoming. This way, you will have much fewer complexes.

Content:

• What is a psychological complex or personality complex? Complexes - what is it about?
• Where do complexes come from?

Throw away everything unnecessary

In parallel with overcoming, try to filter your communication with people, take a closer look at your daily activities, and also clean the information space in which you find yourself.

For example, if you are in a company where people interact through harsh criticism and insults, consider cutting ties with them.

If you are doing something that brings you nothing but disappointment, quit it. In other words, start creating a comfortable environment around you, where you feel warm and cozy.

Do you need to fight your complexes?

If blocks prevent you from living life to the fullest and doing what you want, then, of course, it is necessary to overcome them. But there are attitudes that are also positive. For example, the psychologist Adler, who discovered the concept of inferiority, believed that it was useful. It forces people to improve and grow. If a person is satisfied with himself, then he does not think about development. This means he will never become the best version of himself. But remember that deliverance is not the end goal. It is just a tool to gain freedom.

Take care of yourself

Now start pumping up your skills and personal qualities in an intensive mode. We have already talked about overcoming oneself by identifying certain fears. However, getting better isn't just about finding problems.

Start playing sports to improve your physical abilities, try to resort to fiction to improve your style. Find yourself a productive hobby with a few like-minded people, plunge into creativity, master a new useful skill, and try to develop in other ways.

Imagine that you are a character in a game who earns experience points and they need to be distributed among different areas - from eloquence to potions.

What impact do complexes have on life?

Such attitudes do not allow us to fully spread our wings. They deprive a person of freedom and creativity, and this already affects things that are really important to him.

Psychologist Daria Milai

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After all, blocks “turn on” the same, ineffective behavior in those situations where they are involved. Because of this, the world seems to stop, nothing changes.

For example, you have long wanted to start traveling, write a book, start a family, leave a job you don’t like and make money doing what you love. But as soon as you take the first step, a pressing feeling appears, a state with specific thoughts and images, doubts. And you give up trying to change.

Find your strengths

At the same time, in the process of self-improvement, take a closer look at the activities that you do better than others and evoke an internal response. You can even make a whole list that will include not only your professional skills, but also strong personal qualities.

This practice pumps up self-esteem very well, because with the baggage of complexes it is she who suffers the most.

By voicing and identifying your strengths, you will definitely become more confident in yourself and set guidelines for further development. You can even remind yourself of how cool, slim, beautiful and brave you are. In popular psychology, this practice is called affirmation. This is a short positive statement that creates the right psychological attitude. For example, “I’m cool.”

Where does uncertainty come from?

It is difficult to give a clear answer to this question because uncertainty has many causes. A classic story where an inferiority complex begins to grow from childhood. Psychology says that even casual statements about our appearance, manners or skills can trigger the process of the emergence of self-doubt and self-doubt. And then the situation progresses and becomes more and more inflated, like a snowball.

Any manifestation of negative emotions destroys good self-image. A person becomes isolated on problems, sees a catch in the harmless words of others. It seems as if others find it unpleasant to be around because he is ugly, stupid, awkward.

9. Remember that no one is perfect

Well, ultimately, don't forget that you don't have to be perfect, because none of us are perfect. Even if someone has many followers on Instagram and beautiful selfies, this does not at all indicate that the person is superior to others in all respects.

Yes, he has media weight, but he has the same problems and experiences that we have. The main thing is, don’t forget to work on yourself and you will definitely succeed.

• Author: Dmitry Petrosyants

Do you need to get rid of complexes?

The presence of complexes is a normal state of the human psyche. They can be positive and help you, adding to your self-confidence. Negative complexes can also be beneficial, spurring you on and adding motivation.

But if you feel that they put pressure on you, constrain you and prevent you from being productive, then you should definitely remember or write down 10 tips on how to get rid of the complexes described above. Even if you cannot completely get rid of them, you can significantly reduce their influence on yourself and improve the quality of your own life.

Feelings of inferiority

The most powerful weapon that affects a person at the physical and psychological levels. A disrespectful attitude towards oneself, a lack of confidence, and low self-esteem only become the reasons for the formation of a similar opinion about such a person among the people around him. This is often perceived as confirmation of one’s own opinion; there is disorientation in cause-and-effect relationships, which is typical for people with an inferiority complex. The situation is further aggravated by constant failures, pressure from society, and psychological trauma.

Ways to solve the problem:

Following the tips listed below will help you effectively get rid of your inferiority complex.

1. Firstly, from the list of your closest circle you should exclude people who fuel the problem in every possible way (actions, words, behavior). Become self-confident - communicate with positive and good people. Down with whiners and energy vampires. They will assure you to stay - don’t be fooled. If you want changes in life, burn bridges.
2. Secondly, give yourself an objective assessment as a person. To do this, you can use a sheet of paper divided into two parts: one for achievements and positive traits, the other for failures, bad habits and everything negative. It should not be scary that the second column turned out to be much longer than the first. It needs to be reviewed several times (possibly with some kind of break), crossing out far-fetched shortcomings until it contains facts that correspond to reality. The first column will also have to be re-read, but in order to increase self-esteem. Concentrating on good qualities and successful deeds will definitely give a positive result. At first, it is better to say it out loud in a loud, clear voice.
3. At the same time, you should work on your shortcomings. The feeling of inferiority gives rise to dissatisfaction with one’s body and personal qualities. Therefore, it is important to start loving yourself, and a good reason for this would be playing sports and performing body care procedures. Filling gaps in your studies and sorting out the rubble at work are also effective ways to increase self-esteem.
4. In such a situation, motivation and encouragement are extremely important, so a list with new achievements a la a “success diary” would not be out of place. Every victory, even if it seems insignificant, must be written down in a notebook and become a source of pride. Speaking to yourself, for example, in front of a mirror, with warm and encouraging words, also helps a lot. It’s not working, you want to cry? Forward! Confidently let your emotions come out, but don’t stop trying until the reflection begins to smile at you and look at you with tenderness.

Dissatisfaction with figure and appearance

If you lose excess weight, rejuvenate your skin and have a toned body, you can forget about your problems forever. If only...Skinny people dream of gaining weight, plump ones dream of losing it, straight hair is better than curly hair, curly hair needs to be straightened. What kind of problems people come up with for themselves! Even the shape of your nails can be the cause of a state on the verge of depression. You can endlessly search for new “flaws” of this kind and be content with a miserable existence. But haven't you already suffered enough, paying for it with years of your life?

Solutions:

The first and most effective method is to change your wardrobe and image, preferably radically. Maybe it's all about hair color or hairstyle? Perhaps a classic style of clothing suits you more or, conversely, an extravagant one? You need to experiment with your appearance until a satisfactory option is found and until you gain confidence. Helps a lot of people!

Praise, compliments, and encouragement from others are an excellent means of motivation. In most cases, these already exist, but a person focused on his shortcomings simply does not notice them, in the worst case he perceives them as a mockery. Pay attention to those around you; their compliments will point you in the right direction on the path to self-esteem. Has anyone been struck by your eyes? Look in the mirror, because they are really unusually beautiful, they have some special shine that you have not noticed before. Isn't your smile beautiful?

Another effective method is to compare tastes. For example, if you are in a large company, you can ask several people a question about their opinion of the most beautiful woman or man present. Surprisingly, opinions will be different, and sometimes even opposite. This proves the well-known truth that everyone has their own concept of beauty. So is it worth striving for recognized standards if in fact they do not exist or are simply imposed by someone?

Weaknesses can be found in every person. The only question is, is it necessary to focus on this if the opinion about this is subjective? For example, a slender girl may consider herself too thin, but at the same time evoke admiring glances from others. People see her as graceful and sophisticated, maybe she should look at herself from their perspective? And how many modern men are crazy about curvy figures! There are many more of them than the fair sex might imagine.

Pay attention to your friends (real, faithful) and loved ones, when they look at you, you can see tenderness, love and care in their eyes. They don’t want to change anything about you, but they will always support you in your endeavors, unless we are talking about exhausting diets and increased stress that can jeopardize your health. An active lifestyle will not interfere, good nutrition and simple procedures for caring for one’s appearance are a reliable foundation for a new happy life for a person who has gotten rid of heaviness.

Awareness of the problem is the key to solving it

The first and most difficult step is recognizing the existence of a problem, in particular your fears. This helps a lot in finding the root cause, which can be shocking, but such a “shake-up” is simply necessary. This is an unpleasant process, comparable to opening an abscess: the wound will heal only after it is cleared of pus. Delaying the start of a painful procedure will only worsen the condition, so you need to start right now. To become confident, you need to be able to clearly analyze yourself, your actions and actions. This is not typical for people. Usually we float in the flow of life day after day and trust in fate. This is not our way. Understand yourself, only you yourself are capable of ridding yourself of all misfortunes, this is how the world works.