0 281 January 3, 2022 at 6:21 pm Author of the publication: Ekaterina Zhavoronkova
Millions of dollars are spent on delaying old age so that people can remain young, healthy, attractive and active for as long as possible. Medicine, cosmetology, dietetics, implantation, cybernization... Humanity is desperately striving to prolong its life and improve the quality of life. In this sense, the fear of old age is inherent in almost everyone.
However, sometimes this fear begins to take up too much space in life. It turns into a depressing, obsessive state that does not allow you to live normally here and now.
The effectiveness of psychotherapy
Psychotherapy sessions will definitely be able to fully cope with this problem. Firstly, during the course of treatment it becomes clear what exactly caused the fear of loneliness. Maybe this is a consequence of some childhood stress or situations, or serious upheavals in a person’s life. Or maybe the problem is in the person himself, in his personality characteristics, in his expectations from other people, in the way he builds communication. In any case, the psychologist needs to get to the bottom of it. And this is only a small part of the entire process of communication between psychologist and client.
The main work still lies in influencing the unconscious. This process should lead to noticeable changes in human behavior. Even the manifestation of aggression or distrust towards the psychologist by a shy client who always tries to restrain feelings and emotions will already be considered a positive dynamic in treatment. This, first of all, is evidence that a person is gradually opening up to a specialist and showing his true self.
Many people, from birth to death, live with the fear of loneliness. At times, this phobia makes them depressed and sad. Somehow they carry this fear throughout their entire lives. But, if at some point a person sets himself the goal of getting rid of all fears and starting to build sincere relationships with others, then psychotherapy will come to the rescue. This method will help you cope with mental pain, overcome childhood psychological trauma and teach you to live in such a way that every day brings pleasure and joy.
Man on the edge of the abyss
Photo from the site pravoslavie.ru
Even people who invite a priest to their dying parents often ask him not to talk to them about death. At the same time, Archpriest Fyodor Borodin has repeatedly witnessed how the approach of death serves as a catalyst for powerful spiritual changes in a person.
“For example, one parishioner had an atheistically inclined elderly father; there was no thought about inviting a priest to him, so as not to receive a stream of curses and blasphemy. But one day this intelligent man realized that he was being deceived, grabbed his daughter by the sleeve and forced her to tell the truth. He found himself facing an abyss for which he had never prepared. And two weeks later he said: daughter, call the priest to me. And this was real repentance for my entire life. Everything he was passionate about and fought for turned out to be unimportant, equal to zero, and what he didn’t do turned out to be most important.
Nothing can be corrected, but if you have time to realize this and repent, the Lord can already save this person. You cannot deprive a dying person of this for the sake of awkwardness, for the sake of imaginary comfort, for the sake of inconvenience to talk and think about important things. You cannot deprive a loved one of the chance for eternal life, or spend it without allowing you to think about God.”
What is it: fears and anxieties
If a person were fearless, then he would become like a robot, without feelings and an emotional component. Of course, this option automatically removes many difficulties, but at the same time it provokes a lack of sincerity. But what you really need to understand is how to stop being afraid of the worries themselves. To do this, it is worth delving into the concept and from it identifying a method of struggle. The sensation appears as a normal reaction in the presence of real danger to a person. But if it exists on a subconscious level, then the help of a psychologist will be needed.
Fear brought to an advanced state manifests itself not only in the form of internal tension or anxiety. It often provokes panic attacks. All this makes the individual feel terrible discomfort in stressful situations. If we talk about physiology, then the heart rate increases, increased sweating, and migraines appear. You may feel almost faint. But the natural purpose of fear is to protect against rash actions that pose a real threat to life. But when emotions get out of control, it’s worth thinking about what to do so as not to be afraid.
Norm or deviation?
Thoughts about the inevitability of old age visit everyone from time to time.
However, most people feel only mild sadness or short-term anxiety. They treat this phenomenon as a natural process. The fear of old age is due to the inevitability of changes in life and its end. If this sensation does not bother a person too much, it is considered normal. This feeling does not interfere with normal life and does not cause obsessive dark thoughts.
However, in some cases fear is pathological. A person reacts sharply to everything related to aging. For this reason, he avoids any contact with older individuals. The phobia usually develops in people over thirty years of age. During this period, the first manifestations of withering of the body are observed, and it is necessary to form the correct reaction to their occurrence. Fear is rare in old age. Fear of old age and death is not typical for the elderly; they treat this problem calmly.
When fear becomes a phobia
Everyone has a secret box of fears. Looking into it, we experience a fleeting feeling of sadness, slight sadness or excitement. Mentally healthy people do not think about their fears all the time.
If fear completely takes over the consciousness, it takes the form of a phobia. Passion for the rejuvenation process becomes manic: diets, grueling workouts in the gym, plastic surgery.
The opposite also happens. The young man reasons: “I’m already 30, I’m old, why strive for something?” And he refuses new projects, acquaintances, and stops taking care of himself. The fear of growing old is so great that a person tries to play out the inevitable scenario as quickly as possible.
In particularly advanced cases, the obsessive fear of aging manifests itself as panic attacks, anxiety disorder, depression, and hysterics. But these diseases can also be cured with the help of psychotherapy.
Why does the fear of old age appear?
– Fear of the next period of life is formed for two reasons. The first is that our society is ageist.
Ageism is very common, despite respect for veterans and the elderly. We still associate old age and old age with something negative. For example, with weakness, cognitive disorders, dementia, as people say, the inability to realize oneself.
Although in recent years there has been a tendency towards overcoming ageism - this is the creation by certain companies of jobs for older people, and the popularization in the media of fashion projects for older people, and so on.
The second reason: in our society there is no culture of preparing oneself for life in the next period. For example, when we go to school, our parents prepare us to enter college or university. When we study at a university, we think about how to have a family and children, buy an apartment, and plan a career.
But when we approach 40, we don’t think that someday we will be 60, 70 years old. We don't consider whether we will be functional, whether we will be able to work, who will care for us if we become infirm. This period remains completely unspoken.
Pascal Brückner in his book “Short-lived eternity: the philosophy of longevity” writes that over the past hundred years, the achievements of civilization have given us a second life. Previously, they lived on average 45–50 years, now – 80–90. But people don’t know how to properly manage the time they have.
How not to be afraid and start living: 10 recommendations from Dale Carnegie
A world-famous American psychologist created the concept of conflict-free interaction, a program for self-improvement, eloquence, and, of course, the art of a balanced life in harmony. Let's look at some tips from his book.
"Iron Doors"
The first thing you need to take care of is the distinction between the present, past and future. The scientist proposes to mentally establish a strong curtain between these periods. After all, you need to lead your life now, without regretting what happened and without worrying about what will happen. These thoughts only increase anxiety.
"Magic" formula
This is the development of American inventor Willis Carrier. Its essence is that:
- you need to ask yourself: “What’s the worst thing that could happen to me?”;
- come to terms with it;
- think about actions that can change the situation.
"Momento mori"
Realize that anxiety causes enormous damage to your health. As an example, Carnegie cites the fact that businessmen who do not know how to cope with anxiety die too early. After all, these emotions affect nerve cells. And the more often a person is exposed to this condition, the less time he has to live.
Positive thinking
To protect yourself from fear, a person needs to create a special state of mind that brings harmony and joy. It can be developed through cheerful thoughts, actions and obtaining happiness from life.
Activity
Unemployment is one of the reasons for concerns. If an individual is not doing anything, his consciousness automatically generates anxiety. Therefore, if you want to rid yourself of this, load yourself up with intense work.
Habit Replacement
Anxiety is a rather harmful habit that needs to be eliminated. The most effective way is to replace it with another, more useful one. Don't be upset by the troubles - this will be an excellent replacement.
Low probability
The advice is related to the Law of Large Numbers. It lies in the fact that periodically it is worth asking: what is the chance that what I am afraid of will happen to me? According to the theory presented, it is too small.
Resignation to the Inevitability
Many people continue to worry even when something bad has already happened. Avoid this. After all, if it is impossible to change what is happening, take it for granted and calm down.
"Limiter" of anxiety
It is needed to control emotions. To establish it means to determine for yourself what degree of fear a particular phenomenon deserves. Set a limit that you absolutely cannot go beyond.
Interest in people
Fears also arise at a time when a person is fixated on himself. Therefore, be interested in others, do good deeds even for strangers. And you will be surprised at the result.
In traditional communities, talking about death is a sign of peace of mind
Photo from telegraph.co.uk
“Modern culture is much less Christian on the issue of attitude towards death than a hundred years ago,” complains Archpriest Fyodor Borodin . - Previously, a person began to prepare for death when he was still strong in body or was just beginning to fade away. It was normal. To this day, we can see elderly people with a rural upbringing putting aside money for funerals, clothes and slippers in their closets, neatly folded documents for the grave and recommendations for relatives to make it easier to fulfill their due. Mortal memory has always been considered an important Christian virtue.
A trace of this remained in the evening prayers: “Will this coffin really be my bed?” - perhaps I’ll go to bed and it will become my deathbed. One can recall the ossuaries in the southern monasteries, the skull on the table of Blessed Jerome, the coffin, which was hewn out of a log and placed in his cell by the Monk Seraphim of Sarov.
The monks of our days took an x-ray of their skull and inserted it into the window - I saw this in the Trinity-Sergius Lavra.
Modern culture treats death in the opposite way: they don’t talk about it, it’s impolite and ugly. Only the young and active are considered a normal person. Sometimes it’s scary to look at our pop figures who portray boys and girls, although it’s definitely time for them to think about preparing for death.”
It is natural not only to silently prepare for death, but also to talk about it. Conversations about death are so traditional and persistent in content that they are taught about them to students of the Faculty of Philology in the course of Russian folklore.
“It is now that such conversations are perceived by people of active age as a symptom of the physical or psychological ill-being of an elderly person, because modern civilization is focused on achieving short-term goals (“close a project”, “pay off a loan”, “live until vacation”) on the one hand, and on a model of a long, prosperous, mobile old age, on the other hand, says Sergei Alpatov, . “However, in traditional communities (the decline and collapse of which our grandparents saw) such conversations about the hour of death and preparation for it, as a rule, testified to mental balance and common sense.”
Thoughts about death visited a person long before he felt like an extra mouth, “eating someone else’s eyelid,” says the folklorist. Social age was not determined by physical infirmity or economic uselessness. Let us remember the fairy-tale cliché: “Once upon a time there lived an old man and an old woman, and they had three sons.” It is obvious that the parents had children of marriageable age in their 40s, and the imminent appearance of the desired grandchildren clearly marked a generational shift in the family.
The saying that a person must give birth to a son, build a house and grow a tree had a continuation: when the trunk of a tree becomes as thick as the handle of a shovel, it is time for the planter to dig his own grave.
“Therefore, the conversations of our old people that “everything has already been prepared for a rainy day” may indicate their desire for everything to be “as it should be”, “like people”, and, in addition, about their desire to remove as much as possible the burden of sad worries is lifted from the shoulders of relatives,” says Sergei Alpatov.
Death itself in traditional society was a more visible part of life. “In the village, the deceased is placed on the table, on the same table at which the family dined, at which he once received slaps on the head from his father. Everyone reads prayers in turn, the deceased is washed, then the body begins to emit a smell. Everyone knows what it is: decay has come,” Father Fedor describes. - This is your fate and my fate, I will also lie like this.
And now a person dies in the hospital, they take him away and give him a pomaded doll. We gathered, made meaningless speeches and quickly buried or burned them. Everything has been done so as not to think about death, not to see it and not to know it, but to continue living as you want. If we remove such a single known fact as death from the equation of our lives, then all conclusions and decisions will be false.”
Are boomers to blame again?
Where did the idea of “the best years” come from, which indirectly predetermined the creation of the “27 Club”? Yes, here they tried again, the guys born in 1946–1964, who gave us the cult of uniqueness and the very theory of generations and called themselves “baby boomers.” Having received unlimited opportunities and funds, they so did not want to be like their boring “ancestors” that they simply began to deny aging. There is no more room for traditions and foundations - a new, young generation must rule the world!
The media replicated a certain generalized image, making it available throughout the world. Young people in the 1960s-80s (as well as the current generation) listened to the same songs, loved the same idols, followed the same style. All boundaries were erased - baby boomers lived by the principle “We are united because we are young!”
Capitalism guarding the cult of youth
The market economy is mainly focused on the needs of a solvent audience and offers it more and more goods and services that should emphasize the consumer’s belonging to the “elite” age group. The global industries of entertainment, aesthetic medicine (after all, an essential attribute of youth is an ideal body), and pharmacology are developing. For this to work successfully and make a profit, we need more, even more, of those who so willingly consume everything. The boundaries of the “elite” age are expanding, maturity is declared shameful - you must remain forever young at any cost!
And boomers are trying their best. Without changing their habits and position in society, they continue to work on an equal basis with the younger generation and are not going to write themselves off. According to a 2011 survey, 25% of American boomers say they will never retire, and another 42% plan to delay this event as much as possible. On the one hand, the duration of a quality life is constantly growing - so why not live longer without changing anything in your way of life? On the other hand, in this case we are not talking about the fact that at any age a person has a lot of opportunities open to him, but about the fact that 50-60 year olds are supposedly still exactly the same as those who are not even 30. Without wanting to to notice the advantages of maturity, people entering old age literally build a wall of prejudice with their own hands and protect themselves from the “rest of the old people” who do not look as young as others would like, or who like activities “category 60+”.
In fact, growing old, changing your views and habits, is just as normal as growing up.
For some, this period begins earlier, while others “stay young” longer. Someone at 70 years old will go skiing every season, while others will prefer reading or talking with family. Some will retire and forget about work, while others will build a career from scratch. And everyone will be absolutely right.
Old age is just one of the stages of our life, and we need to enter into it without unnecessary fears and stereotypes.
Old age can be healthy
Elderly people are treated worse, their complaints are responded to more slowly, because... yes, because they are elderly - they shouldn’t get sick! For women approaching 60, life becomes increasingly dangerous: they are at risk not only because of ageism, but also because of sexism that does not stop with age. They are more often than men considered hypochondriacs and are denied medical care. The realization that aging can be healthy, without chronic pain and poor health, is slowly coming only now: programs of examinations, preventive measures, and a healthy lifestyle for pensioners are being launched.
And yet, such measures are clearly not enough yet - older people and those on the threshold of this age face many problems, and, unfortunately, little is said about them. For example, we regularly hear that teenagers and young people under 29 years of age are at risk for suicide; such stories are always widely covered by the press, and experts are trying to find out what prompted a person to make a fatal decision. It seems that at the beginning of the fourth decade there is no longer any danger and nothing will happen, but merciless statistics claim that the 70+ age group is in first place in this sad ranking, with men dying more often than women. Moreover, every year the proportion of suicides increases among people over 60 years of age. The most common reasons are health problems (physical and mental), loss of legal and financial guarantees, changes in usual lifestyle (retirement, loss of social connections, feeling of uselessness). The tendency to suicide among widows and widowers is sharply increasing, especially among those who do not maintain contact with friends and acquaintances and prefer to live alone.
So it’s really difficult to be older, but mostly due to discrimination and lack of information. Why do people not want to talk about such problems and prefer to remain silent about their concerns? The roots of this fear lie deeper than meets the eye.
Modern society is afraid not only of aging, but also of growing up.
After all, this means giving up hopes and dreams, living “as is customary” and leaving happiness, delight and joy in the past. Growing up becomes synonymous with decline, and old age becomes the final stage of this downward slide.
Admit it: youth is a rather difficult time. A global transition is taking place from a child to an adult, many questions arise, the answers to which must be found here and now. During this period, the majority receives an education, establishes new social connections, looks for work, a calling and their place, and some are already starting a family. It's not such a carefree time, is it? But the same message is constantly broadcast from every iron: this hellish period is the best years of our lives!
Help from a psychologist for fear of loneliness
Every specialist is interested in helping his client get rid of loneliness. But to do this, he needs to understand the essence, to get to the bottom of the problem, otherwise the treatment will be superficial and will not bring any benefit.
A simple conversation with a psychologist will relieve tension, but will not eliminate the internal conflict that is firmly established in the unconscious part of the brain. That is why in psychology a specialist strives to ensure that these unconscious conflicts come to life and are transferred to the real situation.
For example, there is a client whose mother promised to leave him as a child and was rude and cold to him. Now the client has grown up and it is common for him to project this behavior onto others, including the psychologist. He is trying to show his detachment and disinterest in the treatment process. In this situation, the specialist must create such conditions for the client in which his unconscious would be faced with a more favorable and emotionally positive experience. Only in this case will a person come to the realization that it is possible to build good, positive relationships, despite what was experienced in the past. This process requires long and painstaking work by a psychologist. Indeed, in this case, a person’s consciousness must completely change.
Also, people who have a fear of loneliness tend to demand from their loved ones proof that they are loved and understood. And the result of such an experiment, as a rule, turns out to be negative. Because a person suffering from a phobia is sure in advance that those around him do not take him seriously. It turns out that he consciously wants to be convinced of goodwill, but subconsciously waits for manifestations of hostility and, of course, finds them. Because we do not see reality, but what we are ready to see.
How to stop being afraid of old age
Old age is the logical and inevitable end of our lives. You can choose whether it will be lonely and gloomy or active and joyful. As with retirement savings, a lot depends on how you manage your life's resources now. And if we cannot turn back time, we can take care of preserving and increasing the most important assets so that when we turn 60, we will have something to do.
As we age, we may be visited by a variety of negative feelings and thoughts. But they can be transformed into strength that will help you maintain activity and good mood, despite the years.
Let's analyze and neutralize the main fears that cause us to think about old age.
Loss of beauty
“Wrinkles and sagging skin don’t make anyone look good. I hate myself like this.”
- Destructive feelings: despair, frustration, irritation, contempt, indignation, envy.
- We transform into constructive feelings: self-worth, respect, acceptance, gratitude, self-love, tenderness.
Self-love is an internal state. You can look at yourself in the mirror and enjoy it, or you can, even with elastic skin and a plump body, be dissatisfied.
Women usually worry about their appearance. It is believed that “men, like fine wine, only get better with age.”
This is, of course, far from the case. In the modern world, it is difficult to define beauty: standards are rapidly changing. But individuality does not depend on time and age.
Vivid examples are age models. Carmen Dell'Orefice, Linda Rodin, Benedetta Barzini prove by their example that age is not an obstacle to an active life, career and irresistible appearance.
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Posted by Linda Rodin. (@lindaandwinks) Feb 20, 2022 at 12:34 pm PST
After all, we live in advanced times, and anti-aging treatments are available to everyone. But it's important not to overdo it.
Losing my mind
“As you get older, your head gets really bad. I will lose control of my body."
- Destructive feelings: anxiety, confusion, shame, despair, pity, hopelessness, alienation.
- Transform into constructive feelings: hope, curiosity, kindness, pride.
One of the manifestations of aging is the loss of normal brain functions. Not only memory and reaction speed, but also the functioning of the endocrine, immune, and nervous systems depend on the state of the thinking organ. We can say that brain health is the source of longevity for the body as a whole.
We spend up to 80% of our active time in a state of light trance, “out of habit.” Habit reduces brain abilities. After all, to work effectively, he needs new impressions and tasks that involve all five senses. Therefore, do not be lazy to learn something new, pay more attention to self-development, study new technologies. Look for hobbies that will provide you with income, move you forward and keep your brain from aging.
During the learning process, different lobes of the brain develop and new neural connections are created. It is the number of neural circuits in the brain, and not its volume, that plays a decisive role in the development and maintenance of intelligence.
There should be no questions in your head: “What to do?” and “What should I do?” Develop yourself, gain “juice” so that even in old age you can be a sought-after specialist, enjoy your work and have a wide circle of friends. The lack of meaning in life can turn even a 25-year-old person into an old man.
Loss of health and physical strength
“I will become sick and weak. They will see me as weak and I will feel worthless.”
- Destructive feelings: despair, indignation, resentment, rage, humiliation, horror, grief, regret, sadness.
- We transform it into constructive feelings: delight, revitalization, liberation, interest, care, self-love.
“What kind of training is it at 50,” you say, “if at 30 it becomes dark in your eyes when you suddenly get up from the couch?” Yes, and in your youth you can die from cancer. The fear of illness, doctors and physical weakness is most common in men, because they are used to being strong and reliable for their loved ones.
Even the ancient Greeks spoke about the connection between soul and body. First of all, the state of our health depends on the unconscious. If you don’t work through your stress with a psychotherapist in a timely manner, don’t get enough rest, drown your problems in alcohol, unsatisfied mental pain accumulates in the unconscious and sooner or later forms a complex structure there, consisting of negative stimuli that trigger physiological and vegetative reactions. They are the ones who cause diseases.
The first to react are usually the most sensitive systems responsible for communication with the outside world - nervous, cardiovascular, immune-endocrine. And after them, everything else crumbles.
Your body is a complex machine, but you are its master. Maintain a lifestyle in which the body can easily remain healthy, full of energy, strong. I won’t write here about proper nutrition, exercise and regular check-ups with a doctor - you already know that without me.
Loss of self-importance
“Nobody needs old people.”
- Destructive feelings: despair, anger, shame, indignation, shyness, sadness, helplessness.
- We transform into constructive feelings: friendliness, interest, kindness, trust, sincerity, mutual assistance, sympathy, respect.
Having broad social connections in old age is many times more important than in other age periods. When there is no one to talk to, share news, discuss experiences, a person ceases to feel “needed”, self-esteem decreases, and self-confidence decreases.
Despite the fact that as we age, it becomes more difficult for us to meet people and make new acquaintances, we must strive to have a diverse social circle, not avoid participating in public events, maintain relationships, and develop communication skills.
It’s always easy to find friends at various courses, master classes, and clubs. When a person communicates, he develops an interest in life, desires, dreams and aspirations appear. Through communication, a person realizes the following needs: approval, security, information, gratitude, emotions, attention, respect and recognition of competence.
Look around. Surely you will pay attention to energetic old men and women who lead an active lifestyle: go to the pool, go on holidays, travel. You can live a full life at any age, if you have the desire.
Loss of sexual attractiveness
“The opposite sex will stop paying attention to me. The old body is not pleasant to anyone, and the enthusiasm is no longer the same.”
- Destructive feelings: disappointment, regret, shame, anger, envy, indignation, despair, fear.
- We transform them into constructive feelings: self-love, acceptance, admiration, respect, care, happiness.
The main aphrodisiac of old age is not elastic buttocks, but dignity and intelligence. You've probably heard stories of people over 50 finding happiness and even getting married.
Love, in turn, helps preserve youth. You just need to want it. Dissatisfaction with life, grumpiness, sadness and anger turn anyone into a grandfather or grandmother. To remain attractive to the opposite sex, radiate more positive emotions. Sincere, friendly, enthusiastic, happy people attract attention at any age.
Sexual attractiveness is prolonged by a healthy lifestyle and body hygiene, and not by short skirts and shirts unbuttoned at the chest, which may look inappropriate after 40.
Use affirmations. They at least encourage you to pay attention to yourself and take care of yourself. For example: “I look great”, “I have good skin”, “I am at an ideal weight”, “I remain cheerful, fresh and energetic” and so on.
Causes and essence of loneliness
There are two downsides to loneliness. One side is visible and completely understandable to everyone. It lies in the fact that a person experiences fear in those cases when he is left alone, when contact with the outside world disappears, when mutual understanding and trust between people are lost. In order to get rid of the fear of loneliness, for example, it is enough to make new friends or try to improve relationships with old ones.
There is no problem, and professional help is not required if this works. But there is another side. When there are problems within the individual, for example, shyness, uncertainty, fear of rejection, the same violation of self-worth that we talked about above, then creating a social circle and getting rid of loneliness forever will not be so easy.
In most cases, the fear of loneliness is caused by deep life turmoil and situations. For example, if a person has been betrayed in some way, or has lost love, then a feeling of fear arises automatically. Fear of loneliness is a natural reaction to such events; it signals to us that building relationships with others is dangerous and painful. But the problem is that, while protecting us from traumatic experiences, it does not allow us to realize the need for warm, trusting relationships. An internal conflict arises that is sometimes simply impossible to resolve on your own.
It seems to me that I will not live to old age. What do such thoughts mean?
– A person should think about a happy future. Nobody knows how and when his life will end. Someone can live up to a hundred years and die in a car accident, someone at 40 years old can die from cancer. Therefore, you need to live happily right now and think about the future.
We need to understand why such thoughts appear. Among other things, they are influenced by the experiences of society. Life expectancy for men in Belarus is not very high. The difference between the average life expectancy of men and women is almost 11 years. On average, according to UN statistics, men live 5 years less in the world. We see many examples of people dying in middle age, and we begin to extrapolate this to ourselves.
Plus, the background of life now itself is depressing. To be invulnerable, you need to understand that the old world will not exist, and be able to learn to live in the new one.
Fear of loneliness
Fear of loneliness
is a broad concept. It carries within itself not only the fear of being abandoned and alone.
One of the manifestations of such fear is insecurity.
.
A person begins to fear in advance the problems that await him in the future.
He is afraid that they will attack him all at once, and he will not be able to cope with them alone. And that's absolutely normal. Many of us feel like a grain of sand in this huge world that can swallow us up at any moment. Family, friends, colleagues help us see that we are not alone, that we have support and help, but sometimes even the loved ones around us cannot save us from the feeling of our own isolation and separateness. The second typical fear is the fear of being unwanted
, to be unclaimed and forgotten by everyone. Very often this fear is associated with a violation of the sense of one’s own value, the subjective perception of oneself as needed by others only in case of some kind of usefulness. Implicitly, such a person carries within himself something like the following statement: “(my partner, children, friends) needs me... while I... (financially provide, am full of strength and can help, I have connections, etc.)”
But then it is very difficult to get out of loneliness, because the community of people among themselves implies not so much direct benefits from interaction, but rather the joy of the so-called kinship of souls. A person who subconsciously replaces the concept of self-worth with the concept of his own usefulness is often doomed to do as much as possible so as not to find himself in isolation. And, at the same time, he is constantly afraid that at some point he may find himself alone, when he will not be able to give others what they expect from him. Compare the phrases: “I am needed as long as I can do something for others,” and “I am needed because I am interesting and easy to be with,” I think you understand the difference.
For example, a person may be panicky that his children will soon get married, leave their home, and his destiny will end there, and he will slowly grow old alone.
This is not to say that loneliness is just a feeling that a person can cope with on his own. Loneliness is, first of all, a serious psychological phenomenon that requires special help.
Other symptoms
With this pathology, panic attacks may occur.
They are expressed in physical reactions: an increase in heart rate, profuse sweating, respiratory disorders and pressure changes. Often the same individual has a fear of old age and death. What is this phenomenon called? Fear of the end of life is referred to as thanatophobia. It is explained by the fear of pain that precedes death, helplessness, and the unknown. Religious individuals often experience this feeling because they believe that they must be punished for their sins in the afterlife.
Now it’s official: the old horse doesn’t ruin the furrow
Unfortunately, any discrimination has a serious impact on the standard of living of those who are subject to it. Ageism is very common in the workplace these days: people who have reached retirement age are considered less educated and productive than their newly hired colleagues. No doubt, sometimes this is true, but research shows that the cognitive abilities of older workers (65-80 years old) and younger ones (20-31) are quite comparable. True, representatives of the older generation needed more time to understand the task, but in the long term they worked more consistently than their average young opponent and, using the accumulated experience, were more successful in coming up with new strategies and passing tests.
How to help a person with this disorder?
Fear of old age is a phobia that requires contacting a specialist.
Fortunately, this condition can be completely eliminated. There are many psychotherapy methods for this. Sometimes patients also need medications. At the initial stage of pathology, the doctor manages to quite quickly rid a person of obsessive fear. Therefore, at the first sign of a phobia, you should not postpone a visit to a specialist.
Analysis of the poem “Being Famous is Ugly” by Pasternak
The creative fate of B. Pasternak was very difficult. His works did not fit into the standards of Soviet ideology. The poet and writer was constantly subjected to devastating criticism. His work was under an unspoken ban. Only a small part of the works was published in their homeland, subjected to the strictest censorship corrections and distortions.
Despite this, Pasternak always remained true to his convictions. He never conformed to official requirements, believing that the duty and sacred responsibility of a real writer is to remain extremely sincere and express real, and not thoughts imposed by someone. Pasternak's best works were illegally distributed in lists and published abroad.
Few writers shared the beliefs of Boris Pasternak. The majority preferred to create mediocre works, the main criteria for which were loyalty to the authorities and praise of the leaders. Such waste paper was declared “masterpieces” of world literature, and its authors enjoyed artificial honor and respect.
In 1956, Pasternak wrote the poem “It’s Ugly to Be Famous,” in which he expressed his opinion about the true calling of a writer. He considers the main goal of a writer not to achieve fame and success, but to maximize dedication and selfless service to art. In Soviet times, voluminous memoirs that did not represent any artistic value were very common. The “cult of personality” is deeply rooted in the consciousness. In a country that officially proclaimed universal equality and brotherhood, works were popular in which the authors endlessly exalted their role and merits in life.
Pasternak sharply criticizes this position. He believes that a person is unable to appreciate his own importance. His assessment will always be subjective. Therefore, we must not stick out our affairs, but, on the contrary, “plunge into the unknown.” Only the future is capable of passing a final verdict on a person and fairly considering his life path.
At the end of the work, Pasternak consolidates his idea. Instead of creating for himself a false aura of fame that can deceive his contemporaries, but not future generations, the writer must remain a living person and admit that he has human vices and weaknesses.
Time has proven the writer right. Many “masters” of Soviet prose have been thrown into the dustbin of history. Pasternak is recognized as a global figure, a worthy winner of the Nobel Prize in Literature.
How to get rid of the fear of death for adults
“In thanatophobia,” explains psychotherapist Sergei Prokin , “there are biological, psychological and social prerequisites.
Biological is often a certain predisposition of the nervous system to respond with generalized reactions. Illness, insufficient sleep, intoxication, and congenital characteristics of the nervous system may predispose to this.
Psychological ones are primarily violations in the education system. Education in the style of increased anxiety, often in hyperprotection.
Social is the inability to react correctly (rationally) to various situations. First of all, they require active action and the ability to make quick decisions.
Psychotherapists work with all possible prerequisites at once, so it is important to contact a specialist.
Diagnostics
To confirm thanatophobia, the doctor conducts a detailed conversation with the patient and asks many clarifying questions. Questionnaires can be used to identify different types of fears and personality traits. The questions are scored subjectively on a scale from 0 to 10. After filling out the questionnaire, the doctor calculates the points.
If it is necessary to determine the general health condition that provokes fear, the patient is examined by a therapist, cardiologist and other doctors.
Sergey ProkinPsychotherapist
Modern methods of treatment
You can overcome your phobias only by recognizing the existence of a problem and seeking help from specialists - a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. The basis of treatment is cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, other types of psychotherapy, and the use of hypnosis.
In the early stages, you can cope on your own under the guidance of a professional; in later stages, you need the constant help of a doctor.
You can also additionally use:
- communication with loved ones, conversations;
- physical activity, staying in the fresh air;
- proper nutrition without psychostimulants;
- rejection of bad habits.
Communication with loved ones, physical exercise in the fresh air - this is the best prevention of any phobia. Photo: Pixabay
Kill your fears!
Just like I always say, this world was created for “doers”, creators. This world is best suited for those who resist, who step out of their comfort zones and who understand their fears and work to eliminate them.
If you choose to ignore your fears or act as if they don't exist, then know that the only place you will see happiness is on TV. Some people think that time can allow them to forget about their fears, but avoiding the things that make us afraid only leads to more feelings of fear.
In short, you can live with fear without even noticing it, and if you don't hunt down those fears, you'll never experience true happiness.
Fear of change - how to overcome it?
- Do you always park your car in the same place?
- Do you always sit at the same table when you go to a restaurant?
- Do you do the same things or go to the same places on the same days?
Do you rarely try something new? If your answers were positive, then you suffer from fear of change.
Comfort zone
This is the logical zone in which a person feels safe. Stepping out of your comfort zone is uncomfortable for many and terrifying for others.
People who are afraid of change choose to stay in their comfort zone due to an inability to face the uncertainty of doing something they are not used to.
Psychological reasons that may make you afraid of change
Apart from wanting to stay in their comfort zones, there are many other psychological reasons that can cause fear of change, such as:
Fear of failure
One of the most common reasons for fear of change is a bad past experience that a person has gone through. If a person has suffered from a particular trauma at any stage in their life, they may develop a fear of change in order to feel safe. For example, people who experience emotional turmoil after failing to do something may avoid it for the rest of their lives
Overprotective parents
According to individual psychology, your childhood experiences influence your adult life. Overprotective parents and parents who spoil their children indirectly teach them how to fear life and how to fear change.
Does this mean it will only get worse?
Indeed, with such introductions, it’s scary to grow up, and it seems that it’s not necessary - it’s better to stay “in one pore” for as long as possible. Youth ceases to be a stage that needs to be passed through and left in the past, and turns into an achievement, a goal. This is a great deception for people of all ages.
Constantly looking back (or looking forward, if we are talking about children), it is easy to lose sight of what is happening now, and take for granted that life goes on at 10, and at 25, and at 48, and at 90.
And yet, the cult of youth and uniqueness as its indispensable attribute is supported by the media, politicians, and other public institutions.
