How to stop worrying and start solving problems. What I learned from my psychotherapy


Most of our illnesses are due to anxiety, worry and stress. The more and more often a person worries, the higher the likelihood that he will get sick.

I myself have felt this myself more than once.
At one period of my life, when there were many drastic changes (a new city, new people, new training and work), I became very ill and lost 15+ kg. I was given a chronic diagnosis that I lived with for about a year. When I got tired of this, I began to study the issue deeper and work on myself, on my thinking. As a result, this disease is no longer inside me, even though the doctors said that it was already chronic. But the point is that it appeared due to severe stress and unrest inside. And this may be the case for you too, think about it, because everything can be fixed very quickly and easily (Methods are described in this post).

Rule 6 - Learn to control your thoughts

“Our life is what we think about it,” Marcus Aurelius.

Indeed, if a person has happy thoughts, he will be happy. If your thoughts are full of fear, you will be afraid of everything. If you think about failure, then nothing will really happen.

You need to be able to be aware of your problems, but this does not mean that you should worry about them.

Awareness means being aware of the existence of a problem and calmly meeting it halfway. To worry means to circle around this problem like crazy.

See life's adversities as part of a larger game - useful practices that a person must undergo if he wants to reach the top.

Concentrate on the present moment. Be “Here” and “Now”

An overly developed imagination and thoughts about how the situation might turn out in the future give rise to the greatest worries and anxieties. If you obsess over this and constantly come up with negative scenarios for the development of the situation, this will not lead to anything good. It’s even worse if you remember some similar negative situation from the past and project it onto current events.

If you spend too much time and energy imagining the future in such negative terms or constantly tormenting yourself with painful memories of the past, this further weakens your nervous system.

If you want to worry less, concentrate on the current moment! To do this, use the following tips:

1. Think about today. At the beginning of the day, or whenever worries begin to cloud your mind, sit down for a moment and stop. Breathe. Narrow your focus significantly. Don't look ahead, as you will see goals to achieve and will begin to worry even more. Just focus on the current day. Nothing more. “Tomorrow” is not going anywhere.

2. Talk about what you are doing now. For example: “I’m brushing my teeth now.” It is very easy to travel back to the past and future. And this phrase will quickly bring you back to the present moment.

Ask yourself, how many times have your negative predictions for the future gone wrong?

Many things you fear will never happen to you. They are just monsters living in your head. And even if something you fear actually happens, most likely it won’t be as bad as you pictured it to be. Worrying is often a waste of time.

Of course, this is easier said than done. But if you ask yourself the question of how much of what you were worried about actually happened in your life, then you will definitely be let go.

Think about others

Related article: Is back pain deadly? What is stress and how to deal with it

Did your trip to the sea go wrong? Refused at an interview? Got a bad cold and now have to miss going out with friends? Do not despair. Think about the people who are now much worse off than you. About those who have no roof over their heads, who have nothing to eat, who are struggling with a fatal illness. “You live in comfortable conditions, you have two arms, two legs and a head on your shoulders - all in order to become the master of your destiny and solve any problem,” says Klimov. “Is it worth getting upset over trifles?”

Don't pay attention to what isn't there

We often worry about problems that are unlikely to appear. People set themselves up for negativity. Think about the likelihood of this or that problem? If the chances are great, but you can’t influence the outcome, then you shouldn’t worry.

If you regularly return home to check whether the iron is turned off and the tap is closed, take photographs of them before leaving, as Mikhail Labkovsky advises.

Do you think you're about to lose your job? Ask your manager about this. A good employee will not be fired, and if so, then, having learned in advance about the upcoming problem, you can quickly find a new place.

Writer Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” recommends living today and doing today’s things.

Think globally

There are days when everything falls out of hand. The things you do every day seem overwhelming and you don't get anything done. Excessive panic will not help you, but will only slow down the process and ruin your well-being. Try to take a short break and replay the worst-case scenario in your head - what will happen if you fail to cope with this or that task. Agree that, globally, this small failure will not affect your life in any way. The maximum that awaits you is an explanation with the manager or client, the unpleasant impression from which can subsequently be made up for by successfully completed work. The same is true in any other situation: you were rude in public transport, someone spilled coffee on you, you were late for the cinema or theater - no big deal! Minor troubles should not poison your life.

Anxiety and fear - what's the difference?

These feelings are often equated, although, in fact, they are unequal. “Fear is a normal emotion, which indicates that something new, unknown and probably dangerous is approaching,” explains Maria Arkhangelskaya , psychologist, trainer at the Alternative Women’s Training Center . - Thanks to this feeling, the body is mobilized, all its reactions are accelerated (it is no coincidence that at the moment of danger, time seems to slow down). When the frightening event is left behind, relaxation sets in. In other words, fear can sharply constrain a person, but then, nevertheless, let go. Anxiety is a background state of chronic stress that accompanies you throughout the day. Sometimes it can last for weeks or years.”

Anxiety is often accompanied by tossing, restlessness, and muscle tension. “It can occur at the beginning of some mental illnesses, for example, various phobias or hypochondria,” says Tatyana Tikholaz , psychologist at the Cecil Academic Clinic of Neurology and Dentistry. “In such cases, anxiety manifests itself clearly in the form of rapid heartbeat, trembling, sweating, difficulty breathing, and dizziness.”

I don't represent anything

We experience this fear if we do not allow ourselves to experience success in something, that is, to sincerely rejoice at it, without immediately choosing a new goal.

If the first success for you is an accident, the second is a coincidence, the third is a pattern. It's like we have nothing to do with it.

If you consider your outcome to be a fluke, you exclude yourself from that success.

To appropriate and live success, it is important to analyze your experiences.

Several questions need to be answered:

  • How did we achieve this result?
  • What were the circumstances? Conditions?
  • Was there someone in our circle who helped you?
  • What was your contribution to this result?

Having assessed the result from different angles, we will see that we have done a lot to achieve success and deserve it.

Imposter syndrome is a good thing (sometimes). Use it correctly!

Relieve stress through physical activity


Physical activity eliminates anxiety: Freepick
To get rid of constant anxiety, you need to work hard on yourself. A visit to a psychologist and meditative techniques eliminate far-fetched fears. In addition, a person can calm down on his own.

When you are stressed, it is difficult to listen to the voice of reason. Therefore, first reduce nervous tension, and then reconsider your attitude towards irritants. Physical activity is suitable for this. Jogging or fitness, swimming or dancing - all this is both distracting and effectively eliminates anxiety. The fatigue that comes afterwards prevents you from returning to a state of anxiety.

Switch your attention

How to quickly calm down when you're angry or nervous? You need to distract yourself by all means. Many people blame their problems on alcohol. This is only a temporary solution that can ultimately send a person to the bottom. Get down to business: clean the apartment, beat out the carpets, do the laundry. The more boring and difficult the work, the better.

A busy person has no time to think about boors, an unfair boss or gossips giggling behind their back. By shifting your attention, reduce or get rid of the feeling of anxiety. Practicing psychologist Alexey Chudochkin recommends switching to communication with other people to relieve anxiety.

How to drink water to stop being nervous

A person who has already become dehydrated needs very little to recover - increase their water intake. But it is water that needs to be counted; other liquids, and especially alcoholic drinks, coffee and tea will only increase the state of dehydration. Water will help you stop being nervous over trifles and relieve symptoms of stress such as insomnia.


How to drink water to stop being nervous

A few simple steps to help you drink enough:

  • Buy a drinking water filter. Even the simplest filter jug ​​will help rid water of unpleasant odors, as well as chlorine and its compounds. You will drink good water and enjoy it.
  • Carry a plastic water bottle with you wherever you go. Fill it up at home, so you don't have to spend extra money.
  • Before you go to bed, place a glass of water on your bedside table. Drink it as soon as you wake up - it is very useful.
  • At work, also always keep a cup or bottle of clean water on your desk. This way, you will always have the opportunity to take a sip if you wish, without interrupting your duties.
  • Try to drink slowly, it’s better to even take a couple of sips with short pauses. Thus, more water will go directly to the needs of the body, and not to the output.
  • If you are unable to completely give up coffee and soda, then try to replace as many of them as possible with water necessary for your health.
  • Every time you feel one of the symptoms of stress, take a few sips of water, this is an effective way to stop being nervous about any reason, it is good as support for the body in any situation.


How to drink water to stop being nervous
If you know in advance that events are coming up that always cause you anxiety, then take water with you and drink it sip by sip. This way you will quickly stop being nervous, you will feel how with every drop of water that comes inside, your fear seems to dissolve!

To be healthy, a person needs to drink a glass of water half an hour before meals or two hours after. If you have few meals, you can increase this amount to two glasses. But the most optimal would be the “drip” method of drinking water. The total volume of liquid extends throughout the day, and you only need to drink a couple of sips at a time.

Water will help you deal with both dehydration and stress better than most medications!

No car will move without gasoline. And a person needs water to function normally. It is involved in all vital processes of the body, so there should be enough of it in the circulatory system that supplies other organs.

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If you review old films, you will see that there are often situations where, in a moment of mental turmoil, a person was always offered a glass of water. That is, people have long known how to stop being nervous and worried, but today few people remember this.

Life is difficult now, everyone has more than enough problems, there is no need to create additional stress on the body in the form of stress from dehydration.

Water also helps improve performance and has a beneficial effect on brain productivity and clarity of thinking. This is due to the fact that all these processes depend on the ability of nerve endings to conduct impulses. And water is an excellent conductor of electricity. Its deficiency reduces the potential of a person’s energy resources, which leads to a stress reaction.

Learn self-regulation

How to get rid of increased anxiety? Psychologist and social educator Svetlana Troshina advises using such effective methods of self-regulation as:

  • switching (“It will be tomorrow, but today I won’t think about it and read this book”);
  • distraction (detachment from disturbing factors using willpower);
  • reduction in significance (“This is just a report on the work done, the same as there have been many already”);
  • thinking about an alternative plan in case of failure;
  • making additional inquiries (if you need to find an unfamiliar address, find it on the map, look at the street visualization);
  • temporarily deferring a goal to include new milestones (for example, take a skill development course to implement a new project).

Working with fears and anxiety never stops, since these feelings are natural for humans. It is important that they only occur in situations of real danger. That is why you should free yourself from excessive anxiety and enjoy life.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1734404-kak-izbavitsa-ot-straha-i-nacat-zit/

What is the cause of increased anxiety?

Why do some people tend to worry about any reason even without it, while others remain calm in any situation? It turns out that the whole point is in the peculiarities of the nervous system, or rather in the strength of the repression mechanism. Every day we receive thousands of signals from the outside world, some of them are filtered out (repressed), and some are processed in the brain.

“People with a powerful repression mechanism filter out everything that does not correspond to their picture of the world,” says Maria Arkhangelskaya. - This is typical for demonstrative personalities and hysterics. They cannot stand the experience that is happening to them and look for the reasons for failure in other people or in a combination of circumstances: “I went through 10 interviews and didn’t get hired... They were just afraid of competition.”

There is another category of people in whom the repression mechanism is very poorly developed. They read the maximum signals from the environment, do not filter out any of this and live in constant anxiety. There are especially many various external signals in a big city, so residents of a metropolis are worried much more often than provincials.

Act (behavioral strategies)

Stop avoiding what scares you . Anxiety and avoidance are closely related: the more we avoid certain tasks and situations, the more anxious we become and vice versa. You can break this cycle by developing the habit of confronting what's bothering you instead of avoiding and procrastinating. Start with easy wins—small tasks you've been putting off—and gradually work your way up to more challenging ones.

Take care of your physical needs . Our physical state can directly influence our feelings of anxiety. In turn, anxiety often affects our physical health through sleep disturbances, poor diet, or inconsistent exercise. Look for feasible ways to take care of yourself regularly. For example, add one weekly workout or focus on a more nutritious diet. Please note that physical well-being directly affects your mental and emotional state.

Breathe and meditate

Sometimes there is no time to work on psychological attitudes. Moreover, you can’t just go away to rest when you’re in a stressful situation. Breathing exercises help you calm down here and now.

Saturation of blood with oxygen relieves nervous tension:

  • Inhale for four seconds, then hold your breath for two seconds and exhale smoothly.
  • Repeat this exercise five times and your anxiety will disappear.

Try meditation as a daily practice. It teaches awareness and the ability to cut off all unnecessary thoughts, including disturbing thoughts.


Meditation as a way to combat anxiety: Freepick

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