Self-doubt: causes and signs, definition, how to get rid of the problem, what it is in psychology

A man passes by you.
What do you think of him? What thoughts do you have? Is he rich or poor? Married or divorced? Villain or good guy? Bandit or honest man? We all make similar conclusions about the people around us:

this one is strange;
this one is arrogant;
this one is kind of modest;
he is some kind of insecure person;
she's kind of a simpleton;
It's better to stay away from this.

We label every passerby with our opinion. But where does it come from?

Everything we think about ourselves, how we treat ourselves, how much we accept ourselves and our body, is transmitted to others. They scan us, feel us on a subtle energy level.

Everything that we broadcast to the world, we receive in life. If we convey love to ourselves, others will also treat us with love. If we broadcast self-doubt, then people around us feel our complexes:

shyness;
shyness;
isolation.

Based on what we convey to this world, those around us understand how they can and cannot behave with us. What we will tolerate and what we will never forgive.

People are a kind of beacons that broadcast signals about what they are like and what attitude they expect from others.

If we believe that we are talented, are professionals in our field, and are confident in our abilities and work, people are willing to pay for our services. They feel the inner confidence that comes from us. They understand that we are worth the money stated. They can entrust their affairs and delegate some of their responsibilities.

If we ourselves are afraid to declare ourselves to the world, we hide in our shell and sit there along with the impostor syndrome, those around us read this. Because distrust in oneself and one’s competencies is transmitted to the world.

But where do these doubts and self-doubt come from? What to do with them and how to deal with them?

Types of self-doubt

Self-doubt can be personal and situational.

Situational self-doubt occurs in stressful, stressful or other situations when a person feels uncomfortable.

For example, during a job interview, taking an exam, or when talking with senior management. At other times, the person is relaxed and does not doubt his capabilities.

Personal self-doubt haunts a person almost always, even in everyday situations. Such people are embarrassed to ask a consultant for help in a store, are afraid to ask a passerby for directions, and cannot put a boor or a hooligan in their place. As a rule, this condition prevents them from living fully and engaging in social relationships.

Have you noticed your lack of self-confidence? More often situational or personal? Tell us about it in the comments.

We invite you to watch the video, which provides examples of research on the topic of self-doubt and conclusions with tips on what to do.

Introduction

The phrase “modesty is decorative” has long been set on edge.
Yes, in some situations modesty is needed, because excessive boasting or obvious narcissism does not suit a worthy person. But shyness is something else. This quality interferes with the life of both the humble guy himself and confuses those around him - they try to help him, understand him, open him up, but this does not always work out. As a result, a shy person drops out of social life, since he is boring and has nothing to talk about. And this gives rise to new complexes and negative emotions in a closed person. And something needs to be done about this.

If you take some action, put in your efforts and back it up with a great desire, then everything will definitely work out!

The Hidden Benefits of Uncertainty

At first glance, it may seem that self-doubt is an extremely negative quality. Then why are people not in a hurry to get rid of it en masse? But because there are hidden benefits to self-doubt:

A person does not take responsibility for solving problems and making decisions, so he will never be to blame for failure. It will always be possible to blame another person, circumstances, president, mentality, etc.
Upholding your personal boundaries is not always easy. This can lead to conflicts that also need to be resolved. It's easier to stay in your comfort zone.
It seems to a person that if he turns to a passerby, a classmate or a consultant for help, he will demonstrate his weakness, and others will think badly of him. He prefers to remain silent, but not to destroy the created image.
You need to express your opinion and criticism correctly and correctly. Perhaps even learn it. But it’s easier to remain silent, otherwise you may run into retaliatory criticism.
You need to fight with your shortcomings, overcome yourself, and make efforts. But it’s easier to say: “I can’t do this,” and save everything on low self-esteem and self-doubt.
Leadership positions require increased responsibility. What if something goes wrong? Then it is better not to strive for leadership at all.
Showing your feelings and talking about them is also scary, because people might think something wrong. In this regard, putting on a mask is easier and calmer.

Have you noticed any hidden benefits of lacking self-confidence? Share them in the comments.

Bottom line

Shyness can be overcome - add some effort to your desire and soon you will see a positive result!
Be active, decisive and open to people. You can overcome shyness, self-consciousness, and lack of self-confidence only through painstaking work on yourself, positive thinking, and getting rid of fears or complexes. Fight your weaknesses, prejudices, negativity - and you will definitely become a successful, attractive person!

Elizarova Lilia · Jan 13, 2022

Causes of self-doubt

The problem of self-doubt does not arise on its own. There are a number of reasons for this, many of which originate in childhood.

Cause.	Description.	Example.
Character properties.	Some people are born driven and weak-willed. Any obstacle on the way can cause them to turn back and do nothing more.	The girl is not confident in herself, but she plucked up courage and invited a handsome guy for a walk. He refused her. She decides to withdraw and no longer enter into relationships with guys at all, because she can be offended so easily.
Negative experiences, criticism of oneself.	The person faced criticism, disapproval and rejection. He completely withdraws into himself and is afraid to make new attempts.	A music school student performed poorly at the concert. The teacher reprimanded him. The child generally lost the desire to study music and decided to quit music school.
Mistakes of the past.	Serious negative events undermined a person’s self-esteem, so he began to behave destructively, low self-esteem and self-doubt manifested themselves.	The employee was fired from his job; he decided to withdraw into himself rather than draw the necessary conclusions and try to improve the situation.
Features of education.	The parents were constantly dissatisfied with the child, so they developed in him the habit of doubting himself.	A child comes home and shows his parents a craft he made at school. Instead of praise, he hears an indifferent: “Well done,” or nothing at all. This undermines his self-confidence.
The habit of comparing yourself with others.	Many people have the destructive habit of comparing themselves to others to their disadvantage, which causes their self-esteem to suffer.	A simple girl from the province compares herself with successful millionaire bloggers or businessmen, and then suffers because of her supposed lack of success.
Being in an unfamiliar situation.	All people feel insecure when they don't know what to expect from a situation.	A first-year student has come to take a test for the first time in his life, so he is accompanied by a feeling of tension.
The situation of success in the past.	A person has demonstrated good results, but now he is afraid of not repeating them and feels unsure of himself.	The situation is common among athletes who re-start competing for a title.
Negative example.	In a person’s family, it was customary to behave quietly, not to defend boundaries, and to endure. In the future, he copies the behavior of his parents.	The boy's parents did not tell him that he needed to be able to stand up for himself, so at school he silently endured the bullying of offenders and experienced other communication problems.
Parental overprotection.	Adults loved and cared for their child so much that they made most of the decisions for him and did not teach him how to get out of difficult situations and cope with problems.	A grown-up child who has been overprotected is afraid to perform ordinary everyday actions (call a doctor, call a help desk, pay electricity bills).

Signs

At the physiological level, uncertainty manifests itself as follows:

an indifferent, absent look;
stooping, drooping shoulders;
restricted movements;
twitching of limbs, tremor.

Inner self-doubt is expressed in behavior.
Behavioral signs of self-doubt are:

fear of public speaking;
fear of being the center of attention;
constant doubts, a tendency to worry about trifles for a long time;
helplessness;
shyness, timidity;
vulnerability;
annoyance;
touchiness;
isolation;
irritability;
depression, predominance of low mood;
refusal of responsible assignments and leadership positions;
seeking approval from others for one’s actions;
anxiety that arises during public congratulations;
tendency to downplay one's merits;
the desire to appear invisible, to hide from others;
desire for loneliness;
increased anxiety;
the feeling of insignificance that occurs when someone points out shortcomings in work.

In speech, uncertainty manifests itself in a quiet voice, sometimes in combination with stuttering. An individual’s insecurity explains his tendency to spread gossip and use profanity in speech. This is a kind of mask behind which a person who cannot be confident in himself hides his true self.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

Ask a Question

The gestures of an insecure person can be both constrained and sweeping. Their manifestation and amplitude depend on the type of temperament and other individual characteristics. Not the least role in the expressiveness of gestures is played by the style of family education and the characteristics of child-parent relationships.

The signs listed above appear because an insecure person has no experience of positive public behavior.

How to get rid of insecurity - 15 methods

Self-doubt needs to be fought, since this quality often slows down a person’s development and prevents him from achieving the heights that he deserves. This problem has been thoroughly studied, so anyone can become more self-confident with the help of special exercises.

Find out more about your problem

Before you start fighting self-doubt, you need to deal with it. For example, to understand why self-doubt arose, what phenomena provoke it, which allows you to feel more confident.

Situational fears and worries are often caused by a lack of knowledge and experience . The less knowledge you have, the greater the uncertainty before an exam. Gaining knowledge is the first pill against uncertainty.

Meet fear halfway

It’s worth pulling yourself together and finally doing what you’ve always refused or shifted responsibility onto someone else’s shoulders.

For example, it might be worth volunteering to prepare a musical performance for a university band at a New Year's party. Success will help strengthen self-confidence and allow a person to grow in his own eyes.

Get attention and support

Advice and support from friends gives a boost of confidence and motivation.

The main thing is not to get confused and not start acting according to the old scheme. You need to ask for advice from friends, parents and other significant people, and not try to look for approval or a pattern of actions in them.

Ask for help

Asking for help is not shameful or humiliating. You can start with the smallest things. For example, contact a passerby on the street and ask him to tell you where the nearest bus stop, library or clinic is. Do not forget about words of gratitude for the person who responded.

Then you can move on to more complex tasks. For example, ask a consultant in a store to tell you about the benefits of a particular product, or come to a salon and ask a hairstylist to give advice on how best to get a haircut or how to properly care for your hair.

Over time, this behavior will become a habit, and the person will easily ask for help and give it himself without any internal tension.

Set life priorities

In the fight against self-doubt, it is important to correctly set life priorities and not strive to become a fearless person in everything. All people experience self-doubt sometimes, and this is normal.

The person who becomes successful in communication is not the one who has completely eradicated the qualities in himself, but the one who has been able to take control of it. Who started communicating?

It is also important to work with the fear of being misunderstood, ridiculed or judged. It is better to set your life priorities in such a way that you live by your own rules, and not try to please others (this is impossible a priori). By the way, it is precisely this position that attracts friends, acquaintances and simply like-minded people.

If you are afraid to talk about yourself, to tell something, just listen, maintain a dialogue. It is useful to shift the focus from yourself to another person. Yes Yes. Phrases like “he won’t accept me,” “they don’t like me,” “I’m not interesting” are about selfishness and focusing only on yourself. Switch to other people and everything will become easier.
Additionally, we invite you to read the article on how to become a self-sufficient person.

Don't focus on anxious thoughts

Even the ancient Greeks said that believing in your victory is already doing half the job. Any job or task is done better if you do it with your head held high and in a good mood.

Negative thoughts and a shaky emotional state are what contribute to failure. There is no mysticism or magic in this, a person simply wastes resources on worries and gloomy thoughts, but could spend them on doing work or productive dialogue.

It also helps well here - to switch to other people, to shift the focus from yourself. Engage in socially useful activities, tidy up the house or area, help someone who needs help.
Writing down thoughts in a diary. Write everything down. Analyze difficult thoughts, reflect on the cause of anxiety. Sum up the results of the day, praise yourself. Your head will become much easier, anxiety will go away

Anxiety arises when there are unfulfilled needs and desires, fears, when you know that you need to do something, but constantly put it off.

Be positive

It follows from the previous point that it is better to be positive in life, even if something does not go according to plan.

Even the most unpleasant and negative event can bring some benefit. For example, a person took last place in a sports competition. And this is not a reason to be upset.

Firstly, he still took part in them, which is valuable in itself.
Secondly, next time he will prepare better and perform more honorably.
Thirdly, he saw how people who won prizes performed, so a person knows what he needs to strive for.

If failures bother you, write them down using a similar algorithm. Try to find as many positives as possible and draw conclusions, understand what the situation has taught you.

Record your reactions and analyze

Keeping a diary of successes and failures helps you track your weaknesses, understand yourself better, and additionally motivates you when you want to quit everything.

For example, a person experiences self-doubt when he has to give a report in front of a large audience. He practices, writes down his feelings in a diary, analyzes them. In the process of analysis, he realizes that he is not afraid of performances as such, he simply dislikes the gaze of his colleagues. The problem can be easily solved. He stops concentrating on them or chooses only one, the most sympathetic person and imagines that he is reading the report only for him. Over time, he begins to perform without a feeling of uncertainty and internal tension.

Play out unfamiliar situations

Simulating unfamiliar, frightening situations helps you feel more confident in real time. We are all taught this in elementary school, when they recommend practicing reading a poem in front of a mirror.

In life it works the same way. For example, yesterday's student wants to apply to a college or university, but does not know how to behave there. The day before, he can work out this situation with a friend or parents, learn the necessary phrases. He will feel more confident when submitting documents.

Work on your appearance

It's hard to be confident with a dirty head and torn sneakers. A person should look presentable in any situation, even if he goes to the nearest supermarket to buy bread.

A neat appearance, clean and ironed clothes, and adherence to personal hygiene rules are required, so it will be easier to overcome self-doubt. Mandatory - because out of the blue it raises self-esteem.

In addition, there is a video about gestures and movements that help you quickly become more confident.

Perform on stage

Even if a person has stage fright and does not feel that he has acting talent, it is worth trying himself in this, even in a supporting role. This is a very interesting experience that will help you meet new people and, perhaps, discover hidden talents in a person.

Praise yourself daily

Before going to bed, you need to do an exercise every day in which a person will praise himself for the events of the past day. For example: “Today I’m doing well/smart because I wasn’t too lazy to go get food for my cat, didn’t oversleep during the lecture, told the person the way and didn’t forget to call my grandmother and ask how she’s doing.”

To increase the effectiveness of the exercise, all these points can be written down, so that later, in moments of negativity, you can return to the notes and understand that there is still something to be proud of.

This exercise is otherwise called “giving love and support to yourself”, these are basic human needs and you should not look for them from the outside, you need to learn to support yourself on your own. And it’s better to do this in front of a mirror, looking into your own eyes.

Find something you like

If a person does not do what he likes, but also demonstrates unimportant results, then it is not surprising that he develops self-doubt and self-doubt.

It’s worth developing your strengths, then you will be motivated to move towards something new. The taste of victory and success greatly increases self-confidence.

There are special techniques that allow you to reveal your talent. We invite you, who in three steps will allow you to get to know yourself better and reveal your talents.

Engage in self-knowledge

Getting to know yourself is very interesting and exciting from a psychological point of view. In addition, it can increase a person’s self-esteem and level of self-confidence.

Knowing your strengths and weaknesses allows you to better build communications. It also helps in accepting, among other things, your negative qualities.

Use your individual secrets

It’s worth thinking about what helps increase your level of self-confidence? Perhaps it’s a specific perfume scent, hairstyle, or talisman jewelry. On days when you have an exam, a meeting, or a less-than-pleasant conversation, you should resort to these accessories and feel a surge of inner strength.

As an assignment, write a list like this for yourself. Why is it needed? When there is no more strength and a decline has occurred, nothing will come to mind. And when you have a list, it will be easier to pull yourself out of a state of uncertainty.

Watch the video for 5 more ways to gain confidence, the tips are really effective.

Several important nuances of achieving success

Psychologists highlight several key aspects of how to stop being shy in company and at the same time win the favor of strangers.
The list of such conditions invariably includes:

acceptance of constraint (excitement, isolation) as a given fact;
positive thinking, smile, neat appearance;
lack of comparison of oneself with other people;
training in slow, intelligible speech.

It is necessary to clearly understand that it is quite normal to feel shy, nervous or withdrawn in certain situations. Don't try to hide your emotions, because it always looks unnatural and repulsive. At the same time, the initial impression of a person is influenced by his appearance, facial expression, and voice intonation, so try to always look brand new, exude positivity, and don’t forget to smile.

There is no need to constantly draw parallels with more successful people in the company, otherwise this can lead to negativity, detachment, and the desire to quickly go to a quiet, secluded place. A huge problem for many people is slurred, rapid speech, which not all participants in the conversation can understand. Learn to express your own thoughts clearly, clearly, slowly, which will allow you to attract the attention of others, avoiding caustic ridicule.

Remember: You can course-correct along the way.

Trying to plan every step you take towards a goal or dream can become draining and lead to quite a bit of self-doubt.

And it usually doesn't work out that well anyway, since the best laid plans often start to fall apart a little or need some changes when they hit reality.

So do a little rough planning and then start your journey.

And remember that you can always course-correct along the way to what you want. Inspired by the new knowledge, experiences and feedback you will receive as you continue down this path.

Start keeping a diary

Journaling can be a beneficial habit for many reasons. When it comes to self-doubt, this may help you:

Keep a realistic account of your life. And help you remember positive things, successes you've had and how you overcame obstacles if you tend to remember things with a negative slant.
Getting clarity is easier. It is often easier to let go of fears and doubts and gain clarity if you have a problem laid out on paper or in a computer document rather than if you try to work through it all in your mind. By making pros and cons lists, analyzing your thoughts, emotions and similar events from the past, and writing down different perspectives on a problem, it becomes easier to find solutions and see your problem in a clearer and more balanced way.

Say stop

First, when your inner doubts surface, act quickly. Don't let them get out of control or grow from a whisper to a stream of discouraging suggestions. Instead, talk to the doubtful part of yourself.

Mentally say or shout something like: No, no, no, we will not go down this road again.

By doing this, you can break the thought pattern and stop that inner self-doubter from taking over.

Talk to someone about it

When you keep your thoughts inside, they can become distorted, exaggerated, and not very consistent with reality or reasonable expectations. This is true when it comes to questionable thoughts. So release them into the light. Talk to someone close to you about your self-doubts.

By simply letting them out and saying them out loud, you can often hear how exaggerated the thoughts have become. And talking about these doubts with someone who supports you can give you a change in perspective.