Features of the formation of self-esteem in adolescence

Self-esteem is the main key to success in life. Developing positive self-esteem, or healthy self-esteem, is extremely important to our children's happiness and success. As parents, we want our teens to feel confident in who they are.

The reality is that the teenage years are full of change, so it is often the case that children's self-esteem is low.

Important!

The teenage brain is going through a “rewiring” that can leave parents and teens feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and confused.

Whether it's a boy or a girl, when teenagers find their place in the world, many struggle with situations and challenge beliefs about themselves that they've held onto for years.

Children with low self-esteem feel insecure. If they think others won't accept them, they may not join. They may allow others to treat them badly. They may find it difficult to stand up for themselves. They may give up easily or not try at all. Children with low self-esteem have difficulty coping when they make mistakes, lose, or fail.

The girl stands with her eyes closed

A child with low self-esteem will:

• avoid trying new things;
• feeling unloved and unwanted;
• blame others for your shortcomings;
• feel or pretend to be emotionally indifferent;
• will not perceive his talents and abilities;
• It is easy to be influenced by other people.

Boy with hands drawn on a chalkboard

Why self-esteem matters

Children who feel good have the confidence to try new things. They are more likely to try their best. They are proud of what they can do. Self-esteem helps children cope with mistakes. This helps children try again even if they fail at first. As a result, self-esteem helps children do better at school, at home and with friends.

The boy raised his finger up

Teens with high self-esteem will be able to:

• act independently;
• will be able to take responsibility;
• endure disappointment;
• try to solve new problems;
• cope with positive and negative emotions;
• will be able to offer help to others.

The girl is sad with her head down

Two additional tools to influence self-esteem

How else can you increase a teenager's self-esteem?

As we have already found out, our self-esteem is significantly influenced by our skills and abilities. Therefore, boys and girls need to learn something new. For example, quickly typing blindly, using all the fingers of both hands, texts on a computer keyboard, or soulfully playing the guitar. Or just set yourself an easier goal and just read a book that is useful for yourself.

Of course, good books bring knowledge that allows us to move through life more confidently.

Self-esteem is also closely related to the concept of independence. And here you can also prove yourself by putting your clothes in the closet without reminders, tidying up your room, preparing dinner or making some other pleasant surprise for your parents.

Diagnosis of adolescent self-esteem

Adolescence is a special period in a child’s life when a person’s self-esteem is known to fluctuate significantly. It is believed that around half of all teenagers will struggle with low self-esteem, many of which occur in early adolescence.

But how do you know if a teenager has problems with low self-esteem? It's not like they're just going to come out and tell you!

Important!

If you know the basic principles of increasing self-esteem in teenagers, you can raise a confident and successful person in the future.

Teen boy showing four fingers

How to learn to value yourself?

Increasing your self-worth begins with developing self-esteem.
Tested psychotherapy techniques recommended by psychologists specializing in women's fears and complexes will help with this: Awareness of your uniqueness. Each personality has an individual set of qualities: habits, needs, strengths - every woman has them. Individuality is the main value of a person, the basis of a positive attitude towards oneself. Having realized what is special and special, you can present yourself correctly in society, and also learn to value yourself. Self-development. To respect yourself, you need to objectively increase your own value: devote more time to developing your intellect, comprehensive education, and improving your health. It is enough to give yourself at least 15–20 minutes a day to get noticeable results within a year. Focus on the positive

You need to highlight 3-5 strong qualities and focus on them.

When engaging in self-development, it is important to exclude from your information field all negative attitudes that can devalue and reduce the positive effect of psychotherapy

Signs of low self-esteem in a teenager

This is a set of signs that researchers have found that commonly occur in teenagers who have problems related to low self-esteem.

Teenage girl with her head down

Walks with his head down

One of the most noticeable signs of low self-esteem is when a teenager walks around with his head down and his chin resting on his upper chest. It is a physical expression of shame and embarrassment. Teens with low self-esteem often feel like they want to hide and get through social situations without being noticed.

Doesn't make eye contact when talking

Teens who feel insecure have difficulty maintaining eye contact with others when communicating. They avoid making contact because they assume that others are looking at them with the same eyes that they are.

Teen boy covering his mouth with both hands

Talks bad about himself

The language teenagers use often conveys what they believe, especially in the way they talk about themselves. Teenagers who commonly describe themselves as hopeless or worthless.

Important!

Phrases such as “I'm worthless,” “I'm always wrong,” “I could never do this,” or “the world would be a better place without me” are examples of someone expressing negative beliefs about who they are.

A teenage boy gets fingered by other teenagers

Often tease other children and also engage in gossip

Teens who feel negative about themselves often tend to be negative towards others. This is usually a defense mechanism. Often teenagers are most critical of those who exhibit similar qualities that they do not like. Other times it is simply to make yourself feel or look better by making others look worse.

Abuses or avoids physical contact

There is nothing more personal than our physical body. Teenagers who feel insecure and crave self-affirmation may seek to find it physically. The desire for physical touch from others is fueled by a deep sense of longing for acceptance and connection.

Important!

Often, teens who don't like to be touched experience strong feelings of disgust or shame about their body and/or what it may represent.

Behaves defiantly

When teens feel like they are not valuable or worthwhile they may want attention. One way to get attention is to act in a way that makes people notice.

Teen boy showing money

Excessive boasting of oneself, one's accomplishments, or one's appearance

One way to combat deep feelings of insecurity is to try to convince yourself and others that this is not true. Teens who constantly talk about how good they are, or how good they look, are trying to convince other people and, most importantly, themselves that they are valuable.

Teen boy opened his mouth wide

Talks too loudly and aggressively

When a teenager feels insecure, he may believe that everyone else thinks he is insignificant too. To compensate for these feelings of insignificance, adolescents will attempt to verbally dominate interactions as a means of seeking attention and recognition. Unfortunately, this often leads to increased levels of personal rejection from others.

The girl covered her face with both hands

Avoids social situations

If a teenager feels unloved, he will avoid situations that reinforce this belief. Adolescents who have few friends or weak connections with peers tend to have fairly low self-esteem. Peer relationships are an important component of how adolescents develop self-esteem.

Important!

Teens who have few friends or who have difficulty making friends will feel less confident in who they are, which in turn leads to them being less confident and willing to form friendships.

Teen boy hugging an adult

Constantly apologizing

Apologies are often associated with feelings of guilt; if a teenager believes that he is always wrong or does not live up to expectations, he will feel guilty for the failure. The more guilty they feel, the worse they feel. Constantly apologizing stems from excessive guilt that a teenager may feel.

The girl lay down on the sofa

Physical appearance and self-esteem

The need to reconstruct the bodily image of the Self, the construction of a male or female “tribal” identity and the gradual transition to adult genital sexuality are among the main tasks of the period of pubertal development. These tasks largely determine the development of adolescents’ self-concept, and in particular their self-esteem. During this age period, another person begins to occupy a very special place in the life of a teenager. This is related to the specificity of adolescents’ perception of the physical appearance of other people. And through the perception and understanding of another, a teenager comes to understand himself. In this case, the same sequence is maintained as in the knowledge of the qualities of another, i.e., first, purely external, physical characteristics are highlighted, then qualities associated with the performance of any type of activity, and finally personal qualities, more hidden properties of the inner world.

Scientists' opinion According to V.N. Kunitsina, in the image of a perceived person of any age, the main things for a teenager are physical features, elements of appearance, then clothing and hairstyle and expressive behavior. With age, the volume and adequacy of the assessed signs increase; the range of categories and concepts used is expanding; categorical judgments decrease and greater flexibility and versatility appear; in the physical appearance of another person, his clothes, hairstyle, signs begin to be noted that reflect character, originality, individuality, uniqueness. A teenager’s perception of other people can be determined by both objective and subjective factors: the nature of the emotional attitude towards the perceived person, the degree of development of the teenager’s cognitive abilities, his mental development, emotional and mental state and past experience. The attitude to perceive other people in a certain way can also be determined by the individual characteristics of a teenager, the influence of group opinion and stereotypes that have developed in society (Kunitsina V.N., 1968). It has been experimentally proven that the perception of the physical appearance of another person in the mind of a teenager is then transferred to the teenager’s perception of himself. Thus, it is precisely during this age period, when the most important transformations occur in the body, when the appearance of a teenager and his physical features begin to greatly excite the teenager, then the compliance of the child’s physical development with the standards accepted in his peer group becomes a determining factor in his social recognition and position. in Group. Awareness of the features of one's appearance also influences the formation of many important personality traits in a teenager (for example, self-confidence, cheerfulness, isolation, individualism). Sex differences . Starting from adolescence, girls' overall self-esteem is significantly lower than that of boys, and this trend is directly related to self-esteem of appearance. A number of studies have found that girls' self-concept correlates more strongly with assessments of the attractiveness of their body than with assessments of its effectiveness. For young men, on the contrary, the leading criterion of self-esteem is the efficiency of the body. This dependence is largely explained by the social role functions of men and women. But at the same time, it is necessary to take into account the mechanisms of social reinforcement derived from existing stereotypes, which are also supported by the media.

What can cause low self-esteem?

How a person feels about himself is a result of his experiences and how he handles situations. The most common causes of low self-esteem in teenagers:

• dysfunctional parents, guardians or other persons who play an influential role in their lives;
• friends who are a bad influence on a teenager;
• stressful life events such as divorce or moving;
• injury or insult;
• poor performance at school;
• mood disorders such as depression;
• anxiety;
• bullying or loneliness.

Teen boy in glasses and suit

Bibliography

1. Barlas, T.V. Popular psychology. From conflict to self-esteem / T.V. Barlas. M., 1997. 160 p.
2. Golovin, S.Ya. Dictionary of practical psychologist / S.Ya. Golovin. Mn., 2001. 976 p.
3. Eliseev, O.P. Practical lessons in personality psychology / O.P. Eliseev. St. Petersburg, 2000. 554 p.
4. Kolominsky, Yu.L. Man: Psychology / Yu.L. Kolominsky. M., 1986. 223 p.
5. Kohn, I.S. Psychology of high school students /I.S. Con. M., 1980. 190s.
6. Kravchenko, A.I. To parents about teenagers (and teenagers about parents)/A.I. Kravchenko. M., 2002. 178 p.
7. Kunitsyna V.N. Adolescents' perceptions of others and themselves. M., 1987. 238 p.
8. Lipkina A.I., Rybak L.A. Criticality and self-esteem in educational activities. M., 1988. 141 p.
9. Lychko, A.E. Psychopathy and character accentuation in adolescents / A.E. Lychko. L. 1983. 244 p.
10. Malinovsky, I.N. Formation of adolescent self-esteem / I.N. Malinovsky // Aducation and Vyhavanne. 2004. No. 11. From 12 - 15.
11. Melnikov, V.M. Introduction to experimental personality psychology / V.M. Melnikov. M., 1985. 180 p.
12. Ovcharova R.V. Handbook of a school psychologist / R.V. Ovcharova. M., 1993. 256 p.
13. Problems of developmental and educational psychology /. M., 1995. 218 p.
14. Psychology of a teenager. Textbook /, St. Petersburg, 2003. 480 p.
15. Sidorov, K.R. Self-esteem, level of aspirations and effectiveness of educational activities of adolescents / K.R. Sidorov // Questions of psychology. 2007. No. 3. pp. 149 - 156.

How to increase self-esteem for a teenager

If you are wondering how to raise your child’s self-esteem, then you will definitely succeed, the most important thing is to acquire the right knowledge in this area. Today's teenagers face a variety of complex issues, including their appearance, who they choose as friends, how they act in public, how well they do in sports, in school, and much more.

Raising self-esteem for a teenager is one of the most important stages. As a parent, you want to help your child be as successful as possible, especially when it comes to their self-esteem. Perhaps most importantly, you want your child to grow into a confident and responsible adult who thrives in all areas of life. But it's not always easy.

Important!

Many teenagers struggle to be accepted, both by the outside world and by themselves. Parents can play a very important role in shaping their teen's sense of self.

Teen boy in glasses and suit

Confidence – what is it?

Self-confidence is the ability to positively assess one’s abilities and skills, the feeling that the accumulated experience and knowledge is enough to achieve goals. Confidence comes when you are happy with yourself and your current state of affairs. It is formed not only due to the personal experience gained. It is also influenced by other factors, such as the attitudes of parents and friends. You can develop self-confidence at any age, but you should not expect quick results - it requires long and painstaking work.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Psychologists advise:

Try to make important decisions at a time of day that is comfortable for you. Most people experience changes in energy and mood throughout the day. Some people hesitate before going to bed and constantly think about difficult thoughts. If you belong to this category, think through rituals that will help you relax better in the evening and fall asleep faster, and do your work in the morning, when you have more strength.

Prepare a list of your strengths, list those situations when you were confident and satisfied with yourself. It will help you not to lose heart in moments of failure. Listen to others, but don't become dependent on other people's opinions. We already talked about this when we raised the topic of self-esteem. Stop trying to make a good impression on others in order to appear better than you are. Being sincere today is a real luxury; few people can afford it without regard to other people’s opinions. Instead of talking about yourself, listen carefully to your interlocutor, show interest in his life, discuss questions to which you cannot find answers. If something doesn't work out, don't panic, just ask yourself: is it really as significant as I think it is now? Will I worry about this in 5 years? Try to constantly learn and develop in different areas. We are not talking about expensive courses. Have fun - read books on your specialty or self-development, communicate with inspiring people, watch interesting videos from experts, develop useful skills using available applications, keep a diary of achievements

If you feel unsure about something, pay more attention to it, study the topic carefully.

Let go of past grievances. Forgive those who brought you negative emotions, let them go from your life

Work on the fears and childhood experiences that you still carry with you throughout life as a heavy burden.

Ways to develop low self-esteem in a teenager

Success and achievement can help your child feel good about himself. But your child can also develop self-esteem by doing things that they enjoy or are good at. You can still praise his effort and determination—and remind him that it will help him succeed in other areas.

The girl points to the stop sign

Tip #1: Set boundaries that your child will follow.

Just like younger children, teenagers need boundaries. So set firm rules that fit your family's lifestyle and values. For example, if you are a parent and want your child to eat dinner first before he goes out for the evening with his friends, be clear about why this is important. Make it clear that you expect this to be done on a regular basis and explain the consequences that will follow if he does not follow through.

Girl and girl holding thumb up

Tip #2: Be generous with praise

Too often we focus on the fact that our children didn't do something right. Tune in to the positive things your child has accomplished and offer praise in his or her direction. If your daughter can assemble things that are difficult for most of us, tell her how much you admire this ability and how it helps make your life around the house easier.

When giving praise, include compliments for their efforts. If your son has had a hard time getting a job after school, give him a message that you're happy with how hard he tried and that you know his efforts will pay off in the end. Be sincere with your praise.

Important!

Be generous, but don't do it for every good thing they do.

Adult gives money to child

Tip #3: Encourage decision making and opinions

Ask your child for their ideas and try to incorporate them into some everyday family decisions. Thinking of turning your garage into a new family room? Ask your son what he thinks about this or does he have any other ideas on how you can get more space in your home? Teens want to be treated like adults, so give him the opportunity to join you in the adult world whenever possible, and take the time to listen to him when he has suggestions or concerns about the family or your home. You might be surprised by some of their great ideas!

Girl holding a phone in her hands

Tip #4: Stay connected to all forms of communication

Teens love to be self-sufficient and want us to believe they have everything under control, but that doesn't mean we as parents don't need to keep our kids under control. So when you ask questions, try to phrase them in a way that requires more than a yes or no answer. For example, instead of asking how math is going, ask what they are currently studying in geometry.

Texting is a great way to stay connected throughout the day. If your child has a big game after school, send a quick message: “I hope you and the team have a great game today. I'm looking forward to hearing all about it tonight."

Woman raised her hands up

Tip #5: Be supportive during conflict

If your child is in the middle of a conflict at school or with a friend or team member, listen to their side of the story and don't judge the situation, even if you think they are at fault.

Conflict may seem silly and trivial to us, but for a hormonal teenager, it can be a major source of contention in their lives. Get into the habit of supporting your child through good and bad, and you'll lay a strong foundation for open communication when big problems arise. Most importantly, constantly remind your teen that you are always there to listen and help in any way you can.

Attention!

Knowing that they have a parent they can rely on, who loves and accepts them, can greatly improve their self-confidence over time.

Woman pointing finger at teenager

Tip #6: Give constructive criticism

Nobody likes to be told they didn't do something right, especially if it's done in anger. Choose how you will criticize your impressionable teen wisely. If your daughter fails her algebra test, don't say something sarcastic: "Well, if you had studied instead of hanging out with your friends all night long, this would never have happened."

Instead, use a concerned tone and say, “It looks like you had trouble on that math test. How about setting up time to study this week before your next test? “And try never to criticize in front of others; it never helps in such a situation.

Little girl holding a violin in her hands

Tip #7: Encourage their individual talents

Most of us have dreams for our children before they're born, but just because every woman in the family went to nursing school doesn't mean your daughter will too. If your teen has a clear interest or talent even though it's not something near and dear to your heart, find out more about why she's passionate about it and encourage her every step of the way.

Important!

If your child knows you are behind him, he will tend to be much more successful and will feel much more confident in his decisions.

Teenager holding dumbbells in his hands

Where does high self-esteem come from?

Like most problems, high self-esteem most often “comes from childhood.” Often it affects the only child in the family, who does not have to share the affection and attention of his parents with anyone. He is the only one, which means he is the best, the most beautiful, the smartest. Such children may initially have inflated ideas about themselves. In addition, the development of self-esteem is influenced by improper upbringing of the “family idol” type - excessive admiration for all, even the most insignificant actions of one’s child, lack of reasonable criticism from adults, indulgence in any desires and whims of the child. All this gives the little person confidence in his own exclusivity. Oddly enough, the reasons for high self-esteem are also: self-doubt, inferiority complex, childhood psychological traumas and complexes. In adulthood, the cause may be some serious mental shock, working conditions (for example, the only girl in a male team), and often people with attractive external characteristics are subject to inflated self-esteem.

Exercises to increase self-esteem in teenagers

To develop adequate self-esteem, the About Me exercise is designed to help children identify their own positive traits and characteristics and recognize their achievements. The child needs to complete these sentences at his own discretion.

• I was very happy when...
• My friends love me...
• I'm proud…
• My family was happy when I...
• At school I'm good at...
• Something that makes me unique is...

Exercise "Self-esteem"

This activity is great for any age, but this pattern is designed specifically for young children.

Important!

Keeping a self-esteem journal is a great way for your child to start thinking about what they are doing and experiencing and giving them a positive outlook on life.

This worksheet lists three sentence completion prompts for each day of the week, starting with Monday.

On Monday, your child is asked to answer or complete the following sentences:

1. What did I do well today...
2. I had fun today when...
3. I felt proud when...

On Tuesday:

1. Today I reached...
2. I had a positive experience with...
3. What did I do for someone today...

Wednesday:

1. I felt good when...
2. I was proud of someone else...
3. Today was interesting because...

On Thursday your child is offered:

1. I felt proud when...
2. The positive thing I saw...
3. Today I reached...

Friday's clues include:

1. What did I do well today...
2. I had a positive experience (person, place or thing)…
3. I was proud of someone when...

On Saturday:

1. I had fun today when...
2. What did I do for someone...
3. I felt good when...

And finally, Sundays:

1. The positive thing I saw...
2. Today was interesting because...
3. I felt proud when...

Doing these activities every evening for a week should help your child feel more optimistic and begin to focus on the good things that are happening rather than the bad ones.

Important!

Changes such as moving to a different school or country, or parental divorce can affect your child's self-esteem. If your family is going through similar situations, try to maintain family rituals towards your child and also give your child a lot of love. This will help him feel good even when everything around him changes.

What to do when violence is used against you?

If someone close to you is violent or violates your boundaries, you have the choice to leave the relationship. Or limit your communication to such a level as to minimize harm to yourself (in case it is difficult to leave the relationship completely - for example, these are parents, close relatives, spouse's relatives).

• Choose to associate with people who help you grow as a person and consider you a valuable person. And not those who are trying to belittle you and assert themselves at your expense.
• A person who constantly criticizes you and calls you offensive nicknames does not love you! You have nothing to do together.
• If these are your parents or close relatives, firmly tell them that you are already an adult and are able to take care of yourself and ask them to keep their advice and assessments to themselves. If they do it again, tell them that you will then have to limit your communication because their words hurt you. If they continue the same behavior after that, limit your communication for several months.

This will help create a stronger foundation for seeing yourself as a worthy person.

Top 10 Books for Teen Self-Esteem