The skill of persuasion is very helpful in everyday life. It allows you to achieve your goals regardless of the situation. It may seem that the ability to persuade is given by nature. In fact, it can be developed and improved.
In the article we will look at the difference between persuasion and manipulation, the basic laws and methods of persuading people, and what words and phrases will help convince your interlocutor.
You can learn the secrets of communication and become a person who is always attractive to communicate in the course “ Secrets of Effective Communication ”.
Use powerful words
Persuasive speech consists of words that evoke a response.
This method is constantly used in advertising. Just imagine that you need to sell someone car insurance. Of course, you can say that every day there are thousands of accidents or accidents on the roads. But it’s better to construct a phrase differently: “Every day thousands of people die on the roads” or “Every day thousands of accidents end in death.”
Death is a stronger word than chance.
How to convince people: psychological techniques
Those who want to learn how to persuade people need to familiarize themselves with the basic techniques and techniques. Only after this can you move on to practice. Such techniques are also used in the opposite direction. Knowing them, you can prevent manipulation by scammers, intrusive sellers or agitators of religious sects.
Effective methods of persuasion in psychology include:
- Agreement on the main thing. This technique is based on obtaining consent to the main requirements. After this, you can proceed to the details of interest.
- The next technique is based on initial agreement with the opponent. When a person’s vigilance is lulled, you need to voice the necessary statement with weighty argumentation. The main thing is that the arguments are strong.
- Focusing on the weaknesses of your opponent's arguments. It is important to do this unobtrusively, casually. This will help devalue the interlocutor's theory.
- The “Consent” technique is based on eliciting a positive response from the interlocutor. The conversation needs to start with the moments that are most important to the person. Before moving on to persuasion, you need to agree with your opponent several times.
- Double argument. This technique is suitable for persuading the most adamant interlocutors. In a conversation with them, you need to talk not only about the pros, but also about the cons of your theory. Self-criticism wins such people over and gains their trust.
Persuasion methods for different types of interlocutors
There must be a certain approach to each person. When choosing a persuasion method, you need to take into account the age and personality type of the interlocutor. Children and the elderly are considered the most suggestible. When communicating with them, you can use softer methods of persuasion. In the work field, the most effective methods of argumentation and persuasion will be used.
If we are talking about the need to influence a team, infection would be a suitable method of persuasion. This form of influence involves the transfer of emotions from one person to another. The main goal of this method is to instill motivation and a focus on success. This method is often used in large work teams.
Effective methods of persuasion in rhetoric include:
- The “Yes, but...” system is relevant in cases where a person is categorically against the idea put forward. First you need to agree with him and only then voice your arguments. This will give an advantage, even if the interlocutor is initially skeptical.
- The use of contradictions is suitable for situations when the opponent has too many arguments. It is necessary to actively listen to him, trying to detect contradictions in his arguments. Ultimately, this will make it possible to doubt the correctness of his beliefs.
- The fundamental method is based on the use of hard facts. Arguments in a dispute need to be supported by statistics with exact numbers. From a psychological point of view, they always inspire trust.
- The next method of effective persuasion is based on argumentation with small details. Objections will have to be dealt with more gracefully, using facts as arguments. Expert opinion and statistical data are suitable for persuasion.
- The inference method is accompanied by devaluation of the information voiced by the opponent. There are significant arguments to be made for this. This method of persuading your interlocutor is not suitable for business negotiations.
- The indirect method of persuasion is relevant in cases where a person is already thinking in the right direction. It is necessary to unobtrusively approve his choice. If you do this directly, the interlocutor may regard it as flattery, so you need to act carefully.
When choosing a psychological method of persuasion, you need to focus on the personality type of your interlocutor. Some people easily fall for tricks, while others categorically refuse to change their minds.
It is advisable to use the following elements and methods of persuasion:
- If the interlocutor is inclined to doubt his actions, the method of agreeing on the main thing is suitable for convincing him. First you need to encourage the person and only then put forward a certain thought.
- When communicating with a person who has a principled position, you need to use the inversion method. It is based on destroying the opponent's arguments. As a result, he himself will begin to doubt the correctness of his ideas. After this, you can voice the necessary point of view.
- If you need to convince a child or subordinate of something, it is important to stand on the same level as your interlocutor. This should be seen both in rhetoric and in body position. It is necessary to create a friendly atmosphere so that a person feels comfortable. After this, you can move on to stating the facts.
What words and phrases will help convince a person?
Psychologists have determined that there are phrases that several times increase the chances of successfully persuading a person. Using them in your speech, you can achieve what you want much faster. It is important to know when and which phrase is best to use.
Effective phrases that convince a person in a conversation include:
- “Have you ever made exceptions?”;
- “How will you know that you have made the right choice?”;
- “Can you be 100% sure that you won’t make a mistake?”;
- “Are there alternative options?”
To convince a person that you are right, you need to speak the same language with him. You can use jargon or professional words. It is also advisable to call the person by name. This will allow you to win over him. It is equally important to monitor the purity of speech, timbre and tone. Weedy words and an uncertain tone of communication significantly undermine trust.
Speak the other person's language
A simple truth: people are more willing to trust those who are similar to them, whom they understand. Therefore, your task is to adapt to your interlocutor. Doesn't he use jargon? That means you shouldn't either. Is he kidding? You also need to show a sense of humor.
This rule also applies to nonverbal communication. If a person actively gestures, then you also need to be lively and open. If he chooses closed poses, he should be more restrained.
The method also works with a group of people. You just need to find out what style of communication the audience responds positively to.
The difference between persuasion and manipulation
The ability to convince people is one of the guarantees of success. This skill is very valuable in business and personal relationships. In addition, it helps strengthen your own self-esteem. The ability to persuade is often confused with manipulation. These terms have little in common with each other.
The main difference between persuasion and manipulation is the final goal. Manipulators strive to persuade a person to do something that is contrary to his aspirations and desires. The belief will not harm the person in the long run. It does not contradict the opinions and desires of the interlocutor.
Belief presupposes that a person internally agrees with a proposition. This benefits him in the long run. Relationships do not suffer from this. Manipulators are ready to use any methods. For them, it doesn’t matter how the decision made turns out for the interlocutor.
Identify leverage points
Sometimes it seems that you can't influence the situation in any way. But there are always levers of pressure, you just need to find them. And you can do this by listening and asking questions. This builds trust and makes the opponent feel like he is in control.
Negotiation is not a struggle, but a process of discovery. When you know the other person's real needs, the reasons why he is resisting, you can directly address him and try to solve the problems.
Your opponent has something to tell you. You should get valuable information from his words. For example, his boss told him that if the deal was not closed in two days, he would be fired. Or in his company it is necessary to close all transactions before going on vacation. There are actually two things you should know. What your opponent is hiding from you on purpose, and what he simply doesn’t think is important (although it is) and what he won’t mention if you don’t guide the conversation.
Chris Voss
A good example of this situation was a lecture on negotiation at MIT. Two groups of students must decide how to divide the oranges. Each group knows its task, but the task of the other group does not. Aggressive students simply take all the oranges for themselves (they get bad results and are likely to get divorced more often in the future). Students who are inclined to cooperate suggest dividing the oranges 50/50. Better, but far from an ideal solution.
What do smart students do? Ask the right questions. As a result, they may learn that the other group only wants orange peels. And their group only needs the fruit. Both sides can get exactly what they want. But they'll never know unless they ask.
Ask stupid questions
Turn on the fool. It works. Ask: “How can I do this?” - and your opponent will begin to solve your problem for you.
The time-tested question “how?” - a sure-fire option for negotiations. This way you put pressure on your opponent. He has to come up with a solution and imagine the problems you might face in fulfilling his demand. The question “how?” is a graceful and affectionate way of saying no. Your opponent will have to come up with a better solution—your solution.
Chris Voss
Keep asking questions. During negotiations to free the hostages, Chris had to ask again and again: “How will we know that the hostages are safe?” “We don’t have that kind of money. How can we get them?”, “How will we deliver the ransom to you?” At some point they will simply tell you: “It’s your problem. Figure it out for yourself." There's nothing wrong with that. This means that the negotiations have come to an end and you must make a decision.
Results
Let's remember once again all the tips that will help you convince other people:
- Don't be honest. Honesty can be perceived as toughness and stubbornness, regardless of your intentions. Be polite and slow down.
- Don't try to ensure that the answer is always "yes". This ploy puts people on the defensive. Make sure the answer is no.
- Agree with all accusations. Acknowledge all complaints against you and try to smooth them out.
- Let them feel like they are in control. People want independence. Ask questions and help them feel in control.
- Get the answer “Yes, that’s right.” This way you can start collaborating.
- Identify leverage points. Listen, listen, listen.
- Ask stupid questions. Let your opponents solve your problems.
People need to feel they are right
How to convince a person to do what you want?
Let him feel that he is right.
Abraham Lincoln asked his son, “If you call a tail a leg, how many legs will a dog have?”
The answer, according to President Lincoln, was not five, but four, since calling a tail a leg does not make it one.
At the same time, such logic is the last thing needed in interpersonal relationships.
If a friend, girlfriend, or anyone else calls the tail a leg, then a sure way to lose favor is to say that the person is wrong.
Often we will get nothing out of it and the person will not suffer for his mistake, but we still feel a burning desire to correct him.
Why?
Because our need to feel that we are right comes into force.
How to apply this in life?
How do you get a person to change their mind, but still allow the person to be right?
Here are two simple but absolutely effective strategies.
First, put aside the issue being raised without showing that you are doing so.
I once heard a three-hour radio show with a guru who was attacked by almost every caller. “You’re a swindler,” they said. "Your philosophy does more harm than good."
The Guru fought off their attacks with magical words. These are the words:
“Your point of view is justified. I understand your position. You have raised an important point. I'm glad you asked this question."
He used these and similar expressions before he began to speak about his position.
If you look closely at these phrases, you will notice two things:
- Phrases do not say that a person is wrong
Many of us would say things like, “It’s a pity you think that way, but you’re wrong,” or “That’s completely wrong.”
You said you were right and the other person was wrong. Now it's a fight between two egos and someone has to lose. Both often lose.
- Phrases express agreement with a person
“Your point of view is justified” - what does that even mean?! Nothing. But it sounds like agreement.
The same goes for “I understand your position.” This doesn't mean I accept it, just that I understand it.
Callers' defenses dropped and persuasion became possible.
What is the result?
Almost every caller calmed down, and some even apologized for the misunderstanding.
This is the first way - to express agreement and put the conflict aside.
The second way is to use a scapegoat.
When you simply need to correct a person, show him that it is not he who is to blame for his mistake, but the scapegoat.
This way you won't make the person wrong.
You will make the other person wrong. The one from whom he received the information initially.
It is always easier to admit that someone else is wrong than to accept that we ourselves are wrong.
Technique of understanding communication
It implies the unification of the rules of the subject of communication, certain methods of response, and attitudes aimed at understanding the other person. It involves establishing psychological contact, identifying personal characteristics that will allow you to find out your counterpart’s opinion on the topic under discussion.
What is important in this technique is, first of all, an orientation towards the motives, internal value system, problems and assessments of the opponent. Moreover, the basis of open communication with others is the creation of trusting relationships:
- Psychological contact
- Psychological climate and atmosphere
And this, as you understand, is an integral part of the ability to hear another. If you pretend to be interested in what someone else is telling you, be sure the person means it. Elementarily, you will be exposed by your detached wandering gaze, bored tone, etc.
It is also not conducive to open communication if you start constantly interrupting your interlocutor. This will create a reputation for you, to put it mildly, as a not entirely well-mannered person. And this, as you understand, is a disadvantage in the art of persuasion.
Giphy
As you noticed, the backbone of the topic being studied is properly structured communication, since it in turn helps to establish and develop contact between people, or a group of people. Without the correct construction of this algorithm, there will be no main thing - the ability to persuade.
Just some important principles of assertive behavior are:
- Ability to understand and listen carefully
- Effective Communication
Samka reminds you that assertiveness, according to the American psychotherapist M. Smith, is a whole complex of “soft” self-confidence skills.
Check all accusations and agree with them
If you are arguing with a loved one or business partner with whom your relationship has suddenly deteriorated, sooner or later you will hear complaints addressed to you: “You are not listening to me” or “You acted unfairly.”
Most often, the answer to the accusation will begin like this: “I don’t...” By uttering this phrase, you reject the feelings of the interlocutor and will no longer be able to come to anything. Trust is lost.
What to do in this situation? Agree with every terrible accusation they can make of you.
The fastest and most effective way to restore the old relationship is to admit all complaints and smooth them out.
Chris Voss
Don't be afraid to appear weak, don't be afraid to apologize. Before you show all your cards, let your opponent know that you are on his side. In the future, he will also make concessions to you if he believes that you are interested and understand him. By denying the claims, you double the flow of accusations.
Let your opponent feel like he's in control
Many books on negotiation use fighting metaphors and emphasize the importance of dominance. Bad idea. You should strive for a collaborative atmosphere. But if both sides fight for power, then you can forget about cooperation. Some people completely lose control when they feel they are not in control of a situation, especially in a tense situation. So let them think they have everything under control.
Invite your opponent to start the conversation first and determine the direction of the discussion. Ask open-ended “what?” questions. And How?". This will make your opponent feel like he is in control, because he is enlightening you. By doing so, you will create a more favorable atmosphere that will allow you to conclude a better deal.
Chris Voss
