Bullying: a child is bullied at school, what should children and parents do?

Don't know what to do if classmates bully your child at school? We will help. First of all, try to understand the reasons. There is no need to show aggression and run to deal with the culprits: often the “victim” is to blame. But it is not always the case. If a child is bullied at school, if he is subjected to bullying and psychological pressure, parents should first communicate with him. Only after this can you begin to solve the problem.

The publication contains tips and recommendations for teachers and parents regarding working with bullying and preventing it, and describes its psychology.

What is bullying?

Bullying is one of the most common phenomena today, which comes down to physical, emotional, that is, moral types of violence, to bullying of a certain person by another (pressure) or by a group of people (group pressure). Psychologists often call bullying bullying and point out the connection between the phenomenon and intimidation and other negative aspects.

Bullying is also expressed in the fact that the victim is morally humiliated by one or more people. In any case, this can lead to adverse consequences for the target of ridicule, discussion and bullying, from a catastrophic decrease in self-esteem to the emergence of suicidal thoughts. However, other aspects of the phenomenon also await consequences.

It is worth understanding that bullying can be not only psychological, but also physical. There are other types of bullying. They are discussed in detail in the next section.

Why is school bullying dangerous?

In addition to the fact that bullying can take the form of physical violence, that is, lead to injury, it can also be psychological and emotional. Her traces are harder to spot, but she is no less dangerous.

Bullying destroys a person's self-esteem. The target of bullying develops complexes. The child begins to believe that he deserves to be treated poorly.

Bullying interferes with learning because the child has no time for classes: he would like to survive at school. Bullying causes anxiety disorders, phobias, and depressionNational Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Understanding School Violence..

And not a single person who went through the rejection of the team will ever forget this. Subsequently, a negative attitude towards life in the classroom can spread to any community at all, and this means problems with communication in adulthood.

Types of bullying

Psychologists and sociologists usually distinguish several types of bullying. There are 4 of them. These are:

Physical bullying - it can be expressed in kicks, beatings, spitting, damage to the victim’s personal belongings and more. Speaking exclusively about school bullying, it is worth emphasizing that children most often suffer from it in middle school (from fifth to ninth grades). Later, physical bullying as an independent phenomenon either disappears or develops into other forms, but they can appear in parallel.
Verbal bullying - it is expressed in the fact that the victim is faced with threats, ridicule, moral humiliation, manipulation, for example, demands under threat of violence to give money for lunch or pocket money (there is a subtype called economic bullying, but we will not consider it separately due to inappropriateness). This type of bullying is often found among teenagers in colleges and schools (from tenth to eleventh grades). The phenomenon is also noted in the circles of student youth, and is found a little less often in adult groups (for example, at work, when the victim is subjected to verbal bullying from colleagues).
Social and psychological bullying is, in general, gossip, boycotts, deliberately ignoring the victim, and more. The consequences of socio-psychological bullying for her can be much more dire than the consequences of other forms of bullying.
Internet bullying is bullying on the Internet. It can be aimed not only at the victim directly, but also be associated with the spread of rumors, false information about her, and hacking of accounts on social networks. Psychologists also classify as virtual bullying such manifestations of aggressor behavior as the dissemination of personal information and photographs.

Remember yourself. Have you encountered bullying during your school years?

Yes, because they bullied me, sometimes called me names, bullied me at school, but I was a brave child and immediately fought back against the bullies

44.44%

No. Either the time was different, or the upbringing or the environment...

22.22%

Yes, but I couldn’t stand up for myself, I couldn’t fight back, because I was a timid and uptight child

33.33%

Voted: 9

Bullying and its main signs

Bullying is a special aggressive behavior of some children against others. However, violence is not always physical. Mental impact brings no less suffering.

The problem of bullying one team member by others has existed for a long time. Now it has acquired a modern name - bullying. Comes from the English bully - rapist, brawler. In adults there is also a similar phenomenon, it is called mobbing.

Bullying can be expressed as:

spreading gossip and ridiculous rumors;
verbal insults - cruel jokes, obscene words, ridicule;
boycott

According to statistics, up to 45% of school-age children have been subjected to school bullying in various forms.

Bullying involves inequality of power and systematic bullying. In schools, this phenomenon begins in primary school, when older schoolchildren take away pocket money, candy, toys, and phones from children. Then the psychological impact begins: children are given offensive nicknames, gossip is spread, and they are ignored.

In the modern world, social networks offer great opportunities for bullying. Children strive not only to make fun of a person, but to record a video about it and post it online. In some cases, the idea to shoot a video is the primary one, and only then they look for a victim to bully. Teenagers under 14 years of age are not afraid of criminal liability, therefore they show increased aggression and often do not admit their guilt, shifting it onto the victim and answering that she deserves such treatment.

If a child is a victim of bullying, he will not always immediately complain to his parents. It depends on character, family relationships, age and many other reasons. You can guess about violence against a child by the following signs:

increased anxiety;
reluctance to go to school;
decline in academic performance;
enuresis;
nervous tic;
pain in the abdomen and chest for no reason;
depressed mood;
frequent colds;
tendency to solitude;
exacerbation of chronic diseases;
excessive compliance and caution;
silence;
reluctance to communicate with peers, isolation;
loss of appetite.

The victim of bullying experiences psychological stress. This is a state in which a person does not see ways to cope with circumstances. As a result, a powerful release of adrenaline occurs in the body. This negatively affects the functioning of all organs and systems: the heart rate increases, the immune system is disrupted, the development of many diseases is provoked in the future, and digestive processes are inhibited. Major disturbances are observed in the psyche: self-esteem decreases, thoughts of suicide appear.

School bullying

Modern bullying at school is on a terrifying scale; according to statistics and various estimates, every fifth child is bullied. Neither boys nor girls are protected from the phenomenon. They, being victims, as has already been noted, receive psychological trauma, which can result in extremely negative consequences.

The problem of school bullying comes down to the fact that children and adolescents need socialization, friends, and support. In the case of certain manifestations of bullying, they are deprived of the opportunity to adapt to social conditions and lose respect from friends and comrades. Often, under the influence of aggressors, even the most devoted friends of a particular victim, fearing the risk of “getting under attack,” turn away from her.

The victims are not always like that. The fact is that some children, for objective and subjective reasons, behave incorrectly towards others, which in practice can result in group pressure on them from their peers. It is for this reason that before you start looking for those to blame, you should find out everything that can help you figure it out. We understand the concerns and other feelings of parents of children who are being bullied, but we encourage everyone to act in a measured and rational manner.

Causes of aggressive behavior in adolescents

Through aggressive behavior, a teenager most often wants to assert himself among friends and peers. Psychologists identify the goals of teenage bullying:

The child wants to prove and show his strength and influence in the team.
Attracts attention.
Behind such behavior he tries to hide his complexes and his lack of self-confidence.
Thirst for dominance.

With his aggression, the child is trying to show that he is in charge, he can do anything. Tries to take the initiative into his own hands so as not to become a victim of aggression himself.

It’s just that a person doesn’t become cruel and ruthless. A happy and cheerful child will not laugh at a peer because, for example, his T-shirt is the wrong color. There must be an explanation for the behavior that prompts such actions. The main causes of bullying among teenagers include:

Lack of education. Parents who do not pay due attention to raising their children, or who show by their example that aggression, screaming, and physical force are the norm of behavior in the family, end up with teenagers prone to aggression. There are exceptions: a child looks at what is happening in the family and decides to be kind, fair and noble. But more often than not, future tyrants and aggressors are nurtured within the framework of such a psychological climate.
Family violence. As you know, most despots and tyrants had psychological traumas received in childhood. If a child is bullied by his parents, and he cannot fight back, then he takes out his aggression on weaker peers. Unfortunately, this behavior often carries over into adulthood. Instead of consulting a psychologist and working through childhood traumas and experiences, a person chooses new victims and bullies them.
Self-affirmation. Aggression and attacks on the weaker are a popular way to prove one’s leading position in society. When a child cannot demonstrate his superiority through successful results or outstanding talents, he will most likely choose the path of humiliating the weak. In addition, if the bully has unhealthy psychological relationships in the family, the situation only gets worse.
Various mental disorders:

Narcissism – the narcissistic aggressor considers himself superior to everyone else. Allows himself to take any action towards others.
Theatrical disorder is the desire to always be the center of attention. And bullying is the simplest means of achieving this goal.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder – acts as a stress reliever for this condition.

The victim who suffers most from school bullying is the victim. In severe cases, some victims fall into prolonged depression and may be suicidal. But it is worth taking into account the buller himself. First of all, this is a child who needs support, love and care. If you do not provide help to the aggressor in time, he will not learn to interact with people. As a result, people will not be able to realize themselves in life and will suffer even more from this.

Reasons and motives for bullying

In this section we will try to understand what makes children be aggressive and why some of them are excessively cruel.

Reasons for bullying

In general, the causes of bullying can be divided into several groups: these are family, psychological, social and even pedagogical reasons.

Let's look at them:

Pedagogical reasons - we are talking not so much about teachers, for example, some teacher’s ridicule about a child’s appearance or his academic performance, but about the microclimate in the classroom and the school as a whole. However, it is the position of the teacher or group of teachers that determines the state of affairs. For example, one of the pedagogical reasons for bullying is the negligence and indifference of the teacher, his unwillingness to pay attention to the problem. We are talking about a situation where a teacher knows about the fact of bullying, but does nothing to change the situation;
Psychological reasons - they are usually associated directly with the personality of either the victim or the aggressor. Often victims are introverted people, shy and uncommunicative individuals. Often aggressors are children facing problems in the family who want to assert themselves at school. But these “often” should not be considered rules. Each case has its own characteristics;
Social reasons - a prime example is the promotion of aggressive behavior. Bad thoughts, bad news, of which there is too much, literally “chanting” of strength, expressed primarily in feigned insolence and disobedience - these and other factors of a social nature can provoke the development in the minds of some children of the attitude that the only true path in life is the path of the aggressor ;
Family reasons are a special case of family and psychological groups of reasons, literally their symbiosis, so to speak. The fact is that the family is a social institution in which the child’s psyche is formed. If the climate in it is unfavorable, he is more likely to become prone to either aggression or isolation and detachment.

Motives for bullying

Any aggressor, that is, the one who initiates bullying, pursues some goals and is guided by certain motives. Among them it is worth highlighting:

Envy - in this case, the aggressor deliberately provokes bullying against the victim solely out of a feeling of envy - better clothes; better phone; full family and father doesn’t drink);
The desire to assert oneself—self-assertion through bullying—is what bullies believe allows them to look “cool,” gain authority, and keep their classmates at bay. This and more increases the self-esteem of the initiator of bullying;
The desire to get rid of an opponent in something by suppressing him. An example is the bullying of beautiful girls by ugly ones.

Let us especially note this motive – revenge. We place emphasis on it for one simple reason: in the case of revenge as a motive, the former victim takes on the role of an aggressor, trying with all available forces and means to “put the offenders in their place.” This once again emphasizes the importance of preliminary proceedings and the need to approach the case with a “cool” head.

Participants in bullying

Victim

It can be noted that the motive for bullying will be absolutely insignificant. The following children can easily become victims:

With the presence of defects in appearance, specific development (reduced hearing, vision, congenital diseases);
Melancholic type of temperament (withdrawal, self-doubt, increased suspiciousness, anxiety, inability to adapt in society (see Melancholic);
With different features of appearance (too thin, overweight, freckles, squint);
Low intelligence, learning problems;
Mentioned negatively or positively by teachers in front of the whole class (see Negative and Positive Motivation).

Victims cannot fight back against their offenders or defend themselves. They experience a strong fear that the situation will never improve (see How to forgive an offense).

Aggressor

He is characterized by such character traits as:

Low self-esteem, as a result of which there is a desire to assert oneself by humiliating other people;
The desire to be the center of attention at absolutely any cost (see Why attention is important to people);
Aggressiveness, cruelty, tendency to take a leadership position;
The ability to manipulate others (see How to manipulate people);
Depressed emotional state due to problems in family and child-parent relationships (see Emotional contacts of the child).

Aggressors come from both dysfunctional and prosperous families.

Observers

They represent a large category of participants in school bullying. Bystanders become involved in a bullying situation. We can mention three options for how events will develop.

The desire to provide protection to the victim, as a result of which there is a possibility of being under attack.
A passive position in which a person does not interfere in the conflict, fearing to find himself in the place of the victim.
Another option: the observer encourages the aggressor in every possible way to join him after a few hours or days.

It is important to understand that most often, it is observers who contribute to the fact that bullying continues for a long time. As social psychologists say, “evil happens when good people remain silent.”

Who is involved in bullying?

It is customary to distinguish 3 parties who take part in the process of bullying voluntarily or forcedly.

The participants in the bullying process are discussed in detail below. We have already mentioned the two sides several times.

Victim

This is the one who is being bullied. The inability to resist the bully or their group, physical weakness and other reasons lead to children becoming targets of bullying.

Children are often victims:

who are characterized by naivety and isolation, modesty, low self-esteem;
with developmental features, including those expressed physically;
overweight or excessively thin;
with high or low educational achievements;
being favorites of teachers or their children;
from poor families.

The development of bullying based on the above signs is typical only for school bullying. Adults, for example, often initiate it solely out of personal dislike.

Does it happen that your child cries in secret from you and, having noticed, does not want to talk to you about it?

Sometimes it happens and yes, there is no contact at all

28.57%

Never noticed anything like this

28.57%

Yes, I began to notice that my child began to cry more often and secretly from everyone

42.86%

Voted: 7

Aggressor

Aggressors are often called “bully” (from the English bully - bully). There is another interesting translation of the specified English word - goby. He describes the essence of the aggressor’s behavior and manners in the best possible way.

Children can become aggressors:

overly anxious, having self-esteem that is not adequate, but contradicts reality;
from dysfunctional families (where parents drink, fight, swear);
from families with high material income (here everything depends on the characteristics of upbringing, but often the “golden children” are spoiled and believe that they can do anything, even bully their peers).

Observers

The largest category, or more precisely the group of participants in bullying, are observers. They are often passive, but sometimes act as instigators. By literally controlling bullies, motivating them and instilling in them the idea that bullying someone is fun, they take on the appearance of an indifferent and uncaring party.

There is another type of observer who literally just observes and does not want to interfere. However, under pressure from aggressors, any observer may begin to show signs of an aggressor. Their motive is fear of the possibility of accepting the role of a victim due to refusal to demonstrate aggressive behavior.

Does your child willingly tell you about school life, relationships with classmates, and school performance?

Yes, with great pleasure he tells what happened to him (her) that day at school

14.29%

My child is very secretive and doesn’t like to share details.

57.14%

I think sometimes something happens at school. Because, as it happens, he returns home from school without a mood, and at that moment I can’t get him to talk.

28.57%

Voted: 7

There is a more precise classification that divides all observers into 3 groups:

Active observers - they support the aggressor and are often the instigators.
Passive Bystanders - They may or may not like the fact that someone is being bullied, but they won't do anything.
Defenders are the smallest group of observers. They can and even should be considered active, but the activity is expressed in the desire to protect the victim, to protect him from the aggressor or group of aggressors.

How to respond to aggression?

Discuss all cases of bullying with your child so that he can respond to the actions of the offenders. As a rule, the scenarios are repeated: name-calling, petty sabotage, threats, physical violence.

In each case, the victim needs to act in a way that the aggressors do not expect.

Always respond to insults, but calmly, without slipping into retaliatory abuse. For example, say: “And I’m talking to you politely.” If a child sees that someone has ruined his things, he needs to inform the teacher about this, so that the offenders can hear: “Maria Alexandrovna, there is chewing gum on my chair, someone has ruined the school furniture.” If they try to beat you or drag you away, if you can’t escape, you need to shout loudly: “Help! Fire!". Unusual. But letting yourself be beaten is worse.

Since the methods of bullying are varied, the responses will be individual. Can't figure out what to do? Ask the psychologists who should be in every school.

Consequences of school bullying

There is no point in turning to statistics, because the statistical base is insufficient. Researchers and scientists began to pay attention to bullying as such relatively recently, when its scale exceeded all limits adequate to reality. The practice of psychologists seems to be a more reliable basis for analyzing the consequences.

Psychologists note that bullying in any case creates stress, and the victims’ psyche begins to suffer. They may have thoughts about the need to commit suicide, in which they see the only way out.

Aggressors may develop a negative attitude, due to which they begin to consider deviant behavior and bullying as the only true and correct guidelines for life. It is aggressors with such an attitude that often become criminals.

Observers can become passive; they begin to believe that active citizenship is more of an evil than a virtue. When they become adults, they remain passive in everything that concerns violence against others and just random people.

Does it ever happen that you ask your child: “What did you spend your pocket money on?” and he can’t answer you exactly?

No. There is always a clear answer to this question

28.57%

Lately I’ve started to notice that I really don’t hear an exact answer from him

71.43%

Voted: 7

Thus, we can say that they are one of the parties to bullying and cannot count on not being affected by the consequences. As a phenomenon, bullying is dangerous for all subjects of the process.

We especially note the consequences of school bullying for victims. They may exhibit the 3 most common behaviors:

Taking flight is not about the literal meaning of the word “run”, but also about the figurative one. Escape in this context should be understood as any action aimed at avoiding bullying.
Entering the fray - often children who are bullied at school and fight back lose their role as victims over time. Not a single aggressor can accept the fact of resistance; given his own moral or physical weakness, he would rather retreat than continue the persecution.
Pretense is, for example, about feigned weakness and thereby trying to elicit pity. This is the most dangerous model of behavior, because in some situations it leads the body to a kind of stagnation. As a result of this condition, digestion processes are blocked, the heart rate increases, the ability to think soberly is disabled, and the immune system also suffers. Even if periods of pretense in the form of feigned weakness appear rarely but regularly, this can lead to irreparable physiological consequences as the number of corresponding acts increases.

Which children are bullied most often?

No child is immune from bullying. Not only vulnerable children, but also morally strong children can suffer. It doesn’t matter what the motives and reasons for the aggressor’s behavior are: domestic violence, dissatisfaction with life, provocations, or anything else. It is important to realize something else: even a former offender can become a victim as a result of a combination of circumstances.

Children often experience bullying:

with low self-esteem. This has already been noted. A child’s low self-esteem makes him closed, vulnerable, and “standing apart.” This often inclines peers to show aggression towards him;
who are unable to stand up for themselves;
with physical characteristics.

You can find more useful information about which children are most often bullied in the section of the article called “Victim”.

Who is at risk?

That's all, really. For bullying, they look for a reason, something in which the child differs from others (in any direction). These could be physical disabilities, health problems, poor academic performance, glasses, hair color or eye shape, lack of fashionable clothes or expensive gadgets, even a single-parent family. Often those who suffer are closed children who have few friends, children at home who do not know how to communicate in a group, and in general anyone whose behavior is not similar to the behavior of the offender.

It is useless to correct any features that have become a reason. Those who poison can, if they wish, get to the lamppost.

Signs that a child is being bullied at school

There are several obvious and subtle signs that a child is being physically or psychologically abused by peers at school. Let's look at the common ones:

A sharp change in behavior, deterioration in morale. If a child has always been friendly, cheerful and cheerful, without objective reasons he has lost these qualities and has become too sad, then you should be wary. You shouldn’t draw hasty conclusions: first try to communicate with your child. It should also be taken into account when the state and behavior change: if he goes to school joyful and cheerful, and returns exhausted and depressed, then something is almost certainly wrong. He is probably beginning to experience bullying for the first time;
Reluctance to attend school. If a child does not want to go to school and, when trying to find out exactly why, becomes withdrawn, we can say that one of the reasons for the reluctance is bullying. The fact is that in this case, the very thought of going to school puts the child in a state of stress. As in the first case, what you need to understand is that you should not rush to conclusions. The first step is a conversation with the child. Sometimes you can try to communicate with teachers: some children do not tell their parents about what worries them too much;
Bruises, injuries. This is a clear sign that the child is being physically bullied. However, here too, everything is ambiguous: bruises can be a consequence, for example, of careless handling of equipment in physical education, and injuries can occur due to hyperactivity and carelessness during breaks, on the way home or to school itself.

Sometimes a child may need help from a psychologist. If there are suspicions that he is hiding something, if it seems that at school his peers are showing aggression towards him, and conversations and discussions lead nowhere, you should sign up for a consultation. We do not recommend that you make hasty conclusions or put pressure on children: if they are silent about something, it means they are not ready to open up. Only a child psychologist can make the task ahead of you easier.

Summarizing…

Unfortunately, there is no effective cure for bullying among teenagers. This is not just a problem between the victim and the aggressor. This is a problem in a society that has conflicting children. Despite the fact that the cause of the conflict may be clear and understandable, the essence of the psychological conflict within the individual requires elaboration. It is necessary to establish a microclimate within the families of the conflicting parties, as well as relationships within the team within the school.

The most important thing is that the child does not find himself alone with the aggressors. For this, it is important to have a trusting relationship between parents and teenager. The solution to the problem situation associated with bullying lies in three key areas:

Psychological and pedagogical work. First of all, it is necessary for a psychologist and teacher to work with the team and participants in bullying. It is necessary to carry out explanatory work - both with the aggressor and with his parents. First of all, psychological support is extremely necessary for the victim of bullying. A psychologist can provide timely assistance to a teenager and help parents build an effective course of action.
Administrative decisions. Psychological and pedagogical solutions are not always enough to stop bullying. In some cases, it is necessary to involve the administration of the educational institution. It is important that teachers and the administration of the educational institution take an unambiguous position condemning bullying and carry out a set of measures to prevent and prevent such manifestations.
Legal aspect. Some types of bullying are a violation of the law and are punishable by law (beatings, blackmail, theft, disclosure of confidential information). In certain cases, you must be prepared to contact law enforcement agencies.

A teenager who has been bullied often closes down, experiences depression, and is afraid to make new acquaintances and join new groups. Guys who have had experience of bullying often come to our Studio of Practical Psychology “Empathy”. For them, the friendly, safe and friendly atmosphere of the group is the most important support and support.

For some guys, this is a completely new experience, when there is no aggression or bullying in the team, but there is understanding and support. Gaining such an experience of constructive and friendly communication is often therapeutic, shows a different alternative to relationships and creates a powerful foundation for building harmonious relationships with peers.

Read more about the psychological group “The Art of Communication”.

How to deal with bullying at school?

There are no universal action algorithms for either children or parents, but some specific actions will ensure the effectiveness of the fight against bullying if they are followed.

What should a child do?

Here is what is important for a child who is being bullied by classmates to do:

are not afraid to fight back. Yes, this is not always possible, which may be due to physical and mental characteristics. But the child must try. This is not a call to teach children to behave the way aggressors behave, but to show them ways of self-defense - the responsibility of any parent;
If it is impossible to fight back, tell an adult about what happened. The sooner the child does this, the sooner you will be able to attract the attention of teachers and administration to the problem, as well as the attention of the parents of the offenders. As a result of collective work and influence on aggressors from adults, the problem can be overcome.

It has already been noted that in a number of situations the child will need the help of a psychologist. He will teach him not to consider himself guilty, not to be afraid and to be himself even when the majority is negative. Working with a child psychologist can be a lifesaver for a child in difficult situations.

Do you observe that your child can call his classmates, go for a walk, and can you say for sure that your child has school friends?

Definitely not! My child is completely withdrawn and uncommunicative

14.29%

I can say with confidence that my child has friends from school

14.29%

There are only a few (or one) comrades with whom my child communicates, calls up

71.43%

Voted: 7

What should parents do?

Psychologists note that the main task of parents is to relieve the child of guilt. The problem is that some children feel guilty about being bullied. They begin to think that they are “not like that”, that they are not too beautiful, smart and whatnot. Helping a child facing bullying at school means supporting him and showing him that he is no worse than others.

Parents should:

monitor the condition and mood of children, note anomalies;
in case of suspicion of bullying, encourage them to open dialogue;
spare no time and money for the services of a child psychologist;
communicate with teachers and school administration, with other parents;
do not make hasty conclusions;
do not engage in arbitrariness.

Types of bullying among teenagers

Verbal bullying

Verbal or verbal bullying among teenagers is accompanied by intimidation, insults, threats, unpleasant comments about appearance or religion.

Children who are subjected to verbal bullying often withdraw into themselves, come up with new complexes, and lose their appetite due to constant worries. Be careful if your child asks you, for example: “Mom, am I really fat?” You should not brush aside such questions, but on the contrary, find out from the teenager why he is asking about this?

Explain that every person should be accepted and respected for who they are. Everyone deserves to be treated well, regardless of appearance. The parent's task is to strengthen the child's self-esteem and self-esteem. Say ways to fight back, such as “Leave me alone” or “Leave me alone.”

Physical bullying at school

Intimidation, intimidation, tripping, pushing, unwanted touching are all means of physical bullying among adolescents. In addition to hitting and kicking, this type of aggression includes, for example, publicly pulling off clothes in the locker room or at the stadium.

Often children are silent about this. Therefore, parents should be attentive to their child: if you see a bruise, scratch, contusion or torn clothing, this is a reason to be wary. Frequent complaints of abdominal pain or headaches should also be taken into account.

Talk to your child, ask how his day was. Without pushing, find out if someone behaved aggressively towards your son/daughter. Do not use elevated tones - this can make the child withdrawn, and you need an open and frank conversation.

If the child confirms the fact of physical bullying, then record this: write down who bullied the child and when. Save any torn clothing if you have any. If incidents continue to occur, do not try to influence bullies and their parents on your own.

First, contact your teacher and psychologist at school. If conversations with educators are unsuccessful, law enforcement should be contacted based on anti-bullying and harassment laws.

Social bullying

This type of bullying among teenagers involves deliberately excluding a child from the work group. This could be a game, a team sport, shared lab work, or just a group of teenagers having lunch at the same table.

For example, classmates at recess are discussing a walk in the park after school. They deliberately do not pay attention to one classmate whom they decided not to invite with them and pretend that he does not exist.

As a consequence of social bullying among teenagers, parents may encounter a child’s reluctance to take part in various public events. An expelled child, in such situations, strives for isolation and loneliness. The emotional distress from such bullying can cause a blow, the consequences of which can be more severe than physical injuries.

Parents in such a situation need to communicate more with their children. Tell and show that there are people who love and support them in any situation. Look for positive moments in everything and help make new acquaintances. Focus on developing new talents: for example, take a drawing class or try learning to play a musical instrument. A teenager must understand that there are good people who will be interested in him. Extracurricular activities will help you develop self-confidence and make new friends.

Cyberbullying of teenagers.

A type of bullying on the Internet. Spreading rumors, insults, slander through social networks, mail and instant messengers. For example, a social network created a group for classmates to communicate, and one of the aggressors sends a message in the chat: “Kirill is a loser, he doesn’t belong here” or “Remove Nikita from the chat, I don’t want to see fat people here!” Sometimes children on the Internet can be much crueler than in real life. The smartphone screen is a barrier that protects the aggressor from the physical impact of the victim.

Parents should pay attention to how much time their teenager spends on the phone, communicating on social networks. In what mood does he end the correspondence or how does he react to new messages and notifications on gadgets. Pay attention to the psycho-emotional state and experiences of the child. If your son or daughter has problems with appetite, sleep, or the child has become reluctant to go to school, have a heart-to-heart talk and try to find out what is bothering him.

If you discover evidence of cyberbullying, you must record the text of the message, date, time and name of the sender. Explain to your child that he should not react, much less respond to such messages. If you know who is writing the offensive messages, you should report this to the school. If the threats intensify or are of a sexual nature, it is necessary to write a statement to law enforcement authorities.

A child is bullied at school: advice from psychologists

The tips presented below will primarily be valuable for parents.

Explain and show your child that violence is not only unacceptable, but also a punishable act, regardless of its manifestations. Tell him that any problem can be solved in other ways.
Don’t try to “hush up” the problem, give your child incentives for open communication. Explain to him that you can cope with any problem, that together you can achieve better results.
Explain to your child that he should not blame himself for anything. Show him that you love him no matter what.
Do not scold your child or tell him that he is weak-willed.

Also follows:

Teach your child to repel attacks and defend themselves. This can be done using the example of a specific situation, having worked through it.
Explain that bullying will not be tolerated. Even if there is no strength to cope with problems on their own, a child can always overcome them with the help of adults.

Preventing violence at school

Prevention in the context of preventing school bullying should be considered the collective work of teaching staff, parents of children and schoolchildren.

The following are parting words for key educators, parents and children.

Parting words for teachers

If you are a teacher, then you simply do not have the right to turn a blind eye to acts of bullying. If you know that one of your students, for whom you are responsible within the walls of the school, is being bullied, and you do nothing about it, then you are a bad teacher. You don’t just teach mathematics or Russian, you teach another subject. You teach children to live. Do everything so that each of your students remembers you as a wise, experienced person who is capable of anything for the sake of justice.

Don't like some students more than others. Don't cover up crimes. Protect the weak. Promote and popularize the principles of fairness and equality. Then, in the eyes of children and their parents, you will become a role model, and not just a “mathematics student,” a “biology student,” or a “classroom student.”

Do you observe cruelty in your child? (to animals, to other children)

Unfortunately, yes, and I don’t understand why this is so

28.57%

No. My child treats animals and other children with care

42.86%

Hard to tell. Occasionally there are situations where my child shows cruelty.

28.57%

Voted: 7

Parting words to parents

Raise your children right. You are responsible for who they become. And we are not talking about professions or titles, but about humanity. If not you, then no one else and in any way can make a person out of your child. You have a huge responsibility: you must show children that violence is evil, that humanity is above all prejudices and impulses of rage.

Love your children, give them everything they need for healthy moral development. Then they will neither become victims, nor aggressors, nor observers. They will get rid of negative attitudes. Only through responsible parenting and love can you make a serious contribution to the fight against bullying.

Parting words for children

The world is a sea of possibilities. Every new day can become a discovery. And it depends only on you how your life will go. There will be a place for both good and bad. Unfortunately, the world is full of both. But under no circumstances lose hope, perseverance and courage, do not let anyone or anything break your inner core.

If you see that the weak are being bullied, intercede. If you see someone being forced to do something bad against their will, tell them that they shouldn't do it. If you are being abused and there is nothing you can do about it, bring the problem to the attention of adults. There are no unsolvable problems. Every move you make towards the fight against bullying is a contribution to a great and significant cause.

After reading the article, will you talk and explain to your child what bullying is and how to act?

Necessarily. After all, it is very important that the child grows up without any injuries.

42.86%

I don't see the point in this. Let him grow, cope and solve his problems himself.

28.57%

Our family periodically holds preventive conversations, so my child knows what bullying is

28.57%

Voted: 7

What can be done with offenders?

There are few options. If a child is beaten, you need to go to the emergency room, undergo a medical examination, report to the police and go to court for compensation for harm. Parents and the school will be held accountable for unlawful acts. The offenders themselves are responsible only after 16 years of age (for grievous harm to health - after 14) Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. Article 20. The age at which criminal liability begins.

But if bullying is only emotional, it is unlikely that you will be able to prove something and attract law enforcement. You need to immediately go to the class teacher, and if the teacher denies the problem, to the head teacher, director, RONO, City Education Department. The task of the school is to organize that same psychological work within a class or several classes in order to stop violence.

FAQ

The following are answers to common questions related to the topic of bullying and some related topics.

What to do if a teacher picks on a child?

The first and most correct solution will be dialogue. If the nagging is biased and caused by personal motives, you should go to the administration, and if there is no response, create a request to the Ministry of Education. Teachers who cannot work with children have no place in schools. Under no circumstances should you try to engage in self-government. This can lead to the need to bear serious responsibility.

Who is responsible for bullying?

All people. Parents because they are raising their children incorrectly. Teachers, because they cannot cope with the educational function. Children because they consider antisocial and immoral behavior patterns to be normal. And if the latter can be relieved of responsibility, at least partially due to the inability to fully understand the consequences of their own actions, then the former cannot.

Why is my child bullied at school?

We recommend going to the sections “Victim” and “Which children are bullied most often?” They provide detailed information about common causes.

What is schoolshooting?

These are attacks on schools and other educational institutions, often carried out by students themselves. They use firearms for attacks. Examples: • Otradnoye, Moscow, school No. 283, 2014; • Ivanteevka, Moscow region, Educational Center No. 1, 2017; • Kerch, Kerch Polytechnic College, 2022; • Kazan, Gymnasium No. 175, 2022; • Perm, Perm State University, 2022. Some psychologists believe that the psychological profiles of attackers correspond to those of former victims, overplayed aggressors, or traumatized bystanders. This once again emphasizes the importance of combating bullying by all means possible.

What kind of bullying will happen at school?

Current laws do not provide for direct liability for bullying. This aggravates the situation and significantly aggravates the problem. However, the collective work of teachers, parents and children shows, according to practice, good results: victims are socialized, aggressors become friends for them. All subjects of bullying change when it comes to acts of collective counteraction to school violence.

What is cyberbullying?

This is internet bullying. We recommend that you read the “Types of Bullying” section.

How to deal with cyberbullying?

Here are 7 tips: 1. Try to ignore the aggressor.
2. Take screenshots or photos of messages. 3. Block the accounts of ill-wishers and report threats to the administration of sites, for example, social networks. 4. Discuss the problem with someone else. 5. Assess the severity of threats. 6. Make the fact of threats or humiliation public. 7. Limit access to your own accounts. In serious cases, it is recommended to seek help from law enforcement. Now everything is very strict with online hooliganism, so if the aggressor goes beyond all limits, you should show him that there is justice for everyone.

Content:

What is bullying?
Causes of aggressive behavior in adolescents
Participants in bullying
Victim
Spectators
Types of bullying
Physical bullying
Social bullying
Cyberbullying of teenagers
Bullying in elementary school
Bullying at school by a teacher
How can you tell if your child is being bullied?
The consequences and dangers of teenage bullying
How to deal with bullying?
Preventing bullying at school
Some advice for parents of an injured child
What to do if your child is a bully?
Summarizing…