What to do if you want to leave your girlfriend but she doesn’t give you a reason

Every day, more than a hundred thousand couples break up around the world. However, the decision to separate is not always mutual. What to do if the thought “I want to leave my girlfriend” flashes more and more often in a young man’s head. How to prepare your beloved for separation so that it passes with minimal losses? How to behave if your partner presses for pity and begs to give her a chance? These and many other questions will be discussed in this article.

Determine the reason for the separation

Before you tell your beloved the news of the breakup, you need to understand for yourself the reason for the breakup. Why did you suddenly decide to break up? Is this really a balanced and thoughtful decision? Try to analyze your relationship and understand at what point thoughts about breaking up began to appear in your head.

If the decision to break up is made after a quarrel or scandal, perhaps it is just an emotional outburst. Then give yourself some time to cool down and calm down. Perhaps after some time, you will realize that your feelings are still strong, and thoughts of separation were premature.

Things will be completely different if feelings for your partner have cooled. You are no longer attracted to her, thoughts of intimacy no longer bring the same delight, and spending time together no longer brings pleasure. The decision to break up is firmly stuck in your head and, like a sore callus, does not allow you to live in peace. In this case, you shouldn’t pull the strap, but rather honestly dot the i’s as quickly as possible and go on a solo voyage.

I love someone else, but I can’t leave my husband: what should I do?

How to choose one?

How to choose between husband and lover?

Be that as it may, if there is a choice between a lover and a husband, then this is a very difficult situation. What to do? How to decide?

Even if your husband has not yet found out about the existence of your lover, understand that this cannot continue for long. Sooner or later, either your spouse will find out about everything, or your lover will get tired of his status and he will put you before a choice.
Approach this situation rationally. Just because a man is a good lover, this does not mean that he will be a good partner for you in a long-term and serious relationship. Now you are especially attracted to mystery and passion, but this will pass and what will you be left with? Are you ready to start a new family with this man?
Analyze why you started an affair in the first place. Are you tired of routine and everyday life? And did your lover help add fresh sensations to your life? Besides this, does he attract you in any way? Perhaps you will understand that it is worth working on your relationship with your husband, refreshing it, and not looking for new emotions on the side.
Analyze your relationship with your husband. How do you feel about him now? Do you truly love him or is it just a habit? Maybe the feelings have long passed, but you are afraid to break off the relationship? Talk to him about this, together you will understand whether you can work on the relationship or whether it is better to get a divorce.
It is impossible to love two people at once. Therefore, honestly answer yourself the question: which of these two men do you really have real and sincere feelings for? Let your heart choose.

Is it possible to combine?

Husband and lover - how to combine?

How to combine husband and lover? How to hide intrigue on the side?

Try to do everything carefully so that your husband does not begin to suspect you. Therefore, if he asks why you came home so late, come up with a plausible and non-trivial reason in advance. Do not say “I was late at work” or “I went to visit a friend” - this may arouse suspicion. And it's easy to check.
Be natural. Don't suddenly start giving gifts if you haven't done so before. There is also no need to engage in sycophancy. A sudden change in behavior may alert a spouse.
Meet your lover during the daytime. Your absence from the marital bed will definitely raise questions in your husband.
Do not appear with your lover in crowded places. Your husband's friends or acquaintances may see you. Therefore, going to restaurants or the theater is clearly not for you. Rent a hotel room or meet in an apartment that no one knows about. Just enter and exit the entrance or hotel separately - no one should see you together.
Make sure you don't have any of your lover's things. If he forgets your jacket or, for example, an umbrella, then your husband will definitely be interested in who it belongs to and how you got it.
Study your spouse's schedule. What time does he work, what days does he go to the gym, and when does he visit his parents? The better you know his schedule, the less likely you are to get caught.
Don't bring a lover into your home. Under no circumstances. Even if the husband left for a week and definitely will not return ahead of time. Don't take that risk!
Do not write down your lover’s number in a notebook, do not leave his things or photographs as souvenirs. How will you then explain this to your husband if he accidentally finds it?
It is best if your intrigue on the side does not drag on for too long. Otherwise, you will become attached to this guy and then it will bring a lot of problems. Moreover, there is a high probability that your lover will want more, will begin to be jealous of you and demand you to make a choice.

I'm pregnant from my lover

It is also possible that an affair on the side will lead you to pregnancy. What to do?

Now you are scared, you may panic and take rash actions. Therefore, the first thing to do is calm down.
Now think carefully about the current situation. Do you want to keep the child? Who will you raise him with? Will you confess all this to your husband or lover?
It's time to decide. This is the moment when you really need to choose who you will continue your life with. But think carefully about this point. If a lover is good in bed, this does not mean that he will be a good husband and father.
Yes, you have already stepped on a slippery slope, deceiving your husband and hiding another man from him. But now is the time to be honest. If you decide to keep the child, then you need to tell your husband everything as it is. He has the right to know. Yes, it's hard. Yes, his reaction can be unpredictable. But don’t force him to raise someone else’s child as his own in ignorance.

Is it possible to love two? Clinical psychologist's opinion:

A decision needs to be made2

“Love has passed - the tomatoes have wilted,” so we should break up with the girl. Everything seems clear and simple, but where can you find the strength and courage to say this to your girlfriend? You can, of course, wait until the feelings suddenly fade away on her part. But where are the guarantees that in the next fifty years, she will realize that you are not the hero of her novel. No, you shouldn’t count on your partner’s extrasensory abilities, but you need to take everything into your own hands.

Of course, the separation procedure is not the most pleasant, but if you have already decided that you want to leave your girlfriend, then you will have to go through it. By the way, psychologists say that if you talk about a problem, it makes it easier to solve.

Stand in front of the mirror and start a conversation with yourself. “I want to leave the girl because I don’t love her anymore, I don’t want her, I don’t see a future with her. I have to be honest and frank with her. And no matter how hard she took this news, in the future it will be better for both of us. I’m not a scoundrel or a goat, this happens sometimes and no one is immune from it.”

After this short session of self-hypnosis, you should feel better, because you really aren’t doing anything wrong and it’s not your fault that you stopped loving your partner. There will be confidence in the correctness of the decision made.

A man is afraid of loneliness

Intellectually, such a man understands that the relationship is going well and requires serious development, but he is afraid to make a decision. From the outside it may seem that a man simply does not need a woman, since he is not looking for constancy with her. But everything can be completely the opposite - he is possessed by the fear of loneliness. A man fears that the woman he loves will one day be disappointed in him, fall out of love, become interested in someone else, and leave him. And to avoid this pain, he does not treat the woman seriously. Being abandoned and being abandoned are two different things for a vulnerable psyche.

What to do?

In most cases, these neurotic relationships have no future. A man can only be helped by a specialist who can cure his phobias coming from childhood or from a failed past relationship. If he doesn't understand this, he won't be able to build a healthy relationship. Do you need life with a person who, fearing loneliness, dooms you to it too?

Choose a day to break up3

No matter how much you would like to end your old relationship as quickly as possible, wait for the right moment. Be prepared for the conversation to be long and difficult. Therefore, it is very important that none of you are in a hurry or late. It’s better to find out in advance about your girlfriend’s plans for the next few days and choose an evening that is free in her schedule.

You should not risk your health and break up the news on the eve of holidays, such as New Year, Valentine's Day or International Women's Day. If you announced your breakup the day before the holidays and remained alive and well, get ready for contemptuous looks and moral condemnation from mutual friends. “What a scoundrel, he ruined all the holidays for the poor thing. Couldn't wait." And all your assurances that you wanted the best will not correct the general impression of your “vile and vile” act.

My boyfriend left me a week before New Year's. He said that he wanted to start the New Year with a clean slate and leave everything bad in the old year. In response to my question about whether I was the bad thing in his life, he turned around and left. (Lera, 23 years old)

A few words about errors

There is an opinion that you need to act rudely, sharply, and coldly. Let the girl be in pain, but the suffering will subside faster. But such behavior spoils the guy’s reputation, and his partner develops contempt and disgust for him.

Another mistake is getting personal and quarreling over old grievances. You shouldn’t argue, prove, or shift responsibility onto your ex-girlfriend. You should wish the person happiness and let him go.

The desire to quickly end the meeting will offend a woman, as will rudeness. You can't start a conversation in a hurry. You need to turn off your phone. You shouldn't accompany your ex-partner home; it's better to pay her for a taxi. This is a gallant gesture that will emphasize a respectful attitude towards the girl.

A beautiful breakup is impossible without a sincere conversation alone with your ex. A touching breakup will allow both partners to maintain their self-respect and move on.

House or cafe, cafe or house?4

How to be? Where to tell your girlfriend about the breakup? At home or in a cafe? Good question. It all depends, of course, on the temperament of your woman. You can inform about the separation at home if you are sure that she will not throw a tantrum and will not hit and crush all the objects that come into her hand on your head.

Of course, she can act as in that joke: “I told the girl about the breakup. I walked out the door and heard a shot. I thought I shot myself. I'm coming back. No, the champagne was opened by a bitch. Celebrating." However, the likelihood of such an outcome is very low.

Psychologists recommend reporting such news in public places. It is advisable to choose a small and uncrowded cafe. Also make sure that it is not far from home and that your girlfriend can easily find her way back if she is upset.

Just don't be thick-skinned and choose a place to break up that was special to your couple. “Darling, do you remember how I invited you to this restaurant, confessed my love and proposed to date you? I decided that where we started our relationship is where we should end.

So you can order your favorite fish and dessert for the last time, we’ll have a quiet dinner, and then we’ll go home, I’ll pack my things and move back to my mother.” At best, she will order all the dishes on the menu and ruin you; at worst, all visitors to the restaurant will learn a lot of interesting things about you.

“My ex turned out to be such a bug. He invited me to the restaurant and was so gallant and polite all evening. Maybe more wine? Let's try their signature salad? If you want, I'll order you a light dessert. I’m still thinking to myself where such miracles of generosity come from from this pathological greedy person. And at the end of dinner I gave out the news, they say, I’m leaving you. That's when I realized what the catch was. He specially created an atmosphere so that I would relax and would not want to spoil the last evening together. (Katya, 21 years old)

Why a man doesn't want a relationship with a married woman

Somehow it has happened in the world that a girl’s relationship with a married man no longer causes surprise or particular bitterness.
Many young ladies now have the status of mistress. And for many, it suits them. After all, she has no obligations to a man (neither domestic nor moral). But there are far fewer stories and facts about a man’s relationship with a married woman. So why doesn't a man want a relationship with a married woman?

Male psychology. It’s one thing when a guy
chooses a time for meetings, and quite another when a lady does it. For some representatives of the stronger sex, this “hits” their pride very painfully.
A married lady may want a serious relationship with her lover. If the new admirer is superior to her husband in some way, then it is quite logical that the girl will fall in love with him and decide to leave the family. What if she has children? lover
will have to raise them .

The reason for the question: “?” may also lie in the fact that his girlfriend is already married. And he, in turn, does not want additional problems in his life.

Arguments decide everything!5

So, you're more determined than ever, the place and time have been chosen, and your girlfriend has been warned that you're going out to dinner together on Thursday night. Now you need to clearly think through what and how you will say.

The voice should be confident and categorical, because if a girl feels even the slightest bit of doubt in it, she will cling to you like a bulldog to a bone and will not let go. You can again resort to the help of a mirror and rehearse.

Think what you say and don't say what you think. In general, this golden rule must always be followed. And in the event of a painful separation, retreating from it is tantamount to execution.

Naturally, it would be like a man if you take all the blame for the breakup. “You are wonderful, you are every man’s dream. But, unfortunately, I don’t love you.” There is no need for unnecessary words or phrases, say everything clearly and to the point. State the facts and do not allow yourself to be drawn into an argument or dialogue. Let your girlfriend understand that you have made a decision for yourself and it is not subject to discussion.

Lady takes matters into her own hands

When a family drama unfolds according to a similar scenario, the wife must decide what to do next. The presence of children, shared living space and other property “acquired by back-breaking labor” should not frighten or stop us. The main thing in a situation, if a man does not love and does not let go, is to let him understand that his wife is not his property, like his children, and everything else must be divided by law. It’s not worth putting up with your husband’s antics in the hope that he will come to his senses and understand what an invaluable gift his wife gave him in the form of taking him back. This could go on forever and you will waste your life waiting for a miracle. In addition, men are designed in such a way that few of them voluntarily leave a good woman.

They look at life together, especially as they age, in a very practical way. If the housewife and clever woman are in the house, then the beautiful artist can be found on the side. This is usually called a vent.

Options for how a girl should respond to a breakup message6

Girls are unpredictable creatures, so how she will react to the news of a breakup is impossible to predict. Just be emotionally prepared for your options.

In case she suddenly starts screaming, hysterical and shedding tears, it would be a good idea to take earplugs and a pack of paper napkins with her. Things will get worse if the girl suddenly starts talking about her love, falls to her knees and begs for a second chance. Here you will need to show steely restraint and let her understand that all her persuasion, broadcasts and requests are meaningless.

Another behavior option on the girl’s part is to calmly accept the news of a breakup. “Do you want to break up with me? OK. I agree. I also think that you are not worthy of me. Of course I'll find something better. Do not worry. The main thing is that you can find someone like me. By the way, don’t ask me back - I won’t accept it.” After such words, even the most strong-willed man suddenly doubts his decision.

When my Andryusha told me about the breakup, I was already ready for it. Our relationship recently was far from ideal, and separation was inevitable. I received the news coldly and distantly; it seems to me that he was even confused by my reaction. After he left, I howled like a beluga for three days, but I was proud that I didn’t show him how bad I was. (Ira, 29 years old)

Type No. 2. Collector

This type includes men who need fans. He keeps women for himself, periodically making himself known with a compliment, a gift, sudden and lightning-fast sex.

The Collector’s favorite method is to remain silent and silent, then write, remain silent some more and call somewhere. He needs this in order to feel in demand. The collector knows that he has 25 women whom he can write or call at any time, and someone from his Don Juan list will definitely respond.

Psychologically, the Collector is very insecure. To feel good, he needs women whom he keeps at some distance.

How to behave after a breakup7

“I want to leave my girlfriend, but I don’t know how to do it.” Psychologists advise men to avoid the following mistakes:

Even if you really want to avoid an unpleasant conversation and report this news by phone or through social networks, you should not do this. This will be a cowardly and vile step on your part. No girl deserves to be treated this way;
in any situation, behave like a real man. If your tongue is very itchy and you want to make unflattering comments about her culinary or other abilities, then just bite your tongue;
be honest, don’t lie and don’t get your hopes up. A phrase like: “There is always a chance” will become a signal for a girl to take active action and action. Do not be surprised after such words if two days later she greets you after work with a bouquet of flowers;

After a breakup, don’t look for reasons to call or meet. Every time you have no one to talk to or nowhere to spend the night, you shouldn’t think about your ex, who is always happy to see you;
no sex. Even if your girlfriend is a fan of the movie “Sex for Friendship” and is tempting you into intimacy, answer with a categorical refusal. Remember that life is not a movie and there is no script;
give her time to recover. Of course, during your relationship, you have made mutual friends who will continue to invite both her and you to common gatherings. Be a gentleman, refuse meetings, at least at the beginning of the breakup. Give your ex-lover time to be in public and take a break from your grief for a while.

By following the advice of psychologists, you can avoid common mistakes and make life easier for yourself and your ex-lover.

I never thought that I would be friends with my ex, but it so happens that now he is my good friend. Although after he left me, I hated him. But then I cooled down and realized that he treated me very honestly. He didn’t drag his feet, but admitted that he had strong feelings for someone else and wanted to be with her. (Darina is 30 years old)

Model "Constant Confrontation"

A characteristic feature of this type of relationship is the constant confrontation between two partners who daily try to pull the “blanket” over themselves. When they don’t quarrel over one issue or another for several days, it surprises both of them. However, not for long, because a calm life together is not their theme, and very soon everything will return to normal.

“Constant confrontation” is accompanied by regular complaints against each other. For example:

“You are talking nonsense again”;
“You never pay attention to me”;
“You are not at all interested in how I am doing”;
“Why should we always do what you want?”;
“Why do you constantly forbid me to do what I want?”;
“You spend too much time with your boyfriends.”

This list can be continued endlessly, but I hope the main idea is clear. Partners in such relationships constantly experience emotional exhaustion, denial, anger, fatigue, irritation and a host of other negative emotions.

In addition, their discontent accumulates over time, the state of confrontation becomes the foundation of the relationship, and every day it becomes more and more difficult to change the established order of things.

However, despite the constant confrontation of both partners, their separation can be very painful. And subsequently, one of them suddenly catches himself thinking: “What should I do if I can’t forget her/him?”

Loud breakups of stars8

“People meet, people fall in love...” And unfortunately, people break up. And the news about the separation of a star couple always causes special interest. It would seem that on the TV screen and the covers of glossy magazines, they look at each other with happy eyes. And then, like a bolt from the blue, the news about the divorce. A selection of the most notorious divorces over the past few years:

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux. After it became known about the separation of one of the most beautiful couples in Hollywood, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Aniston's fans rejoiced. Many began to hope that the relationship between Brad and Jennifer would resume, despite the fact that she was married. But in 2022, Aniston and her husband Justin Theroux separated after two years of official marriage. The star couple named the reason as “incompatibility of characters.”

Rita Dakota and Vlad Sokolovsky. Treason, betrayal, divorce and division of property. The story of the relationship between Dakota and Sokolovsky could serve as a script for a melodrama. Before falling in love, Rita and Vlad were good friends for many years. Then their friendship grew into love, they got married and became the parents of a wonderful baby Mia.
The guys actively posted their photos on Instagram and confessed their feelings to each other. In general, not life, but a beautiful fairy tale. That’s why when Rita announced the breakup on her social network page, fans were shocked. It turned out that throughout the marriage, the husband was unfaithful to her, as many relatives and mutual friends of the couple knew about. The parting was painful for Rita, but she bravely endured all the hardships.
Jenna Dewan and Channing Tatum. Unfortunately, this beautiful couple also broke up after 9 years of relationship. However, the reason for their breakup still remains a mystery to many. The stars themselves do not name any specific reason, but answer that it was necessary. Even after the separation, in his interviews Channing speaks very affectionately about his ex-wife and calls her “my love.”

Ani Lorak and Murat Nalchadzhi-oglu. Beautiful, stately and successful. And shocking news in the media about the betrayal of Murat, who was photographed by the paparazzi in one of the Kyiv cafes with another girl. Despite the assurances of relatives that everything was fine with the spouses and that they loved each other, the divorce still took place.
Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck. The divorce of this couple lasted almost 3 years. But all this time, the spouses were not dividing property, but could not resolve the issue of child custody. The couple nevertheless came to a compromise and resolved this issue.
Alexander Kerzhakov and Milana Tyulpanova. Their marriage lasted less than 2 years, after which Milana admitted that her husband beat her and did not allow her to see her son. In turn, Kerzhakov accused his wife of drug addiction. And although the couple officially divorced, they still cannot resolve the issue of custody of their son.

Breaking up is always a difficult process. But every man has the power to make it less painful for his other half. If you want to leave a girl, then at this moment think not only about yourself, but also about her. And no matter how hard it is for both of you, but where the flame has already died out, a fire cannot be lit. Therefore, we recommend reading our article on how to leave a girl. Love and be happy.

Why men don't want serious relationships - psychology

In a situation where something happens between you, you may even periodically live in the same territory, but nothing goes further, you need to figure out not why a man does not want a relationship with a woman, but why he is avoiding a serious turn in it. Usually this is a justifiably invented and replicated image of family life and examples of friends who constantly complain. It is impossible to develop serious desires with a girl who does not take him seriously (disrespectful behavior or the desire to please all men, without giving priority to your own). In second place in popularity is female coldness, manifested in the lack of expression of love for a man (only consent to sex and no initiative), measured expression of feelings (giving affection only for actions the woman likes), and a negative attitude towards motherhood. With such a set of emotional prerequisites, there is no prospect of building a relationship, since he sees in advance that he will not receive enough warmth and support there, and family life will become a second front of work.

Noticing an iron character in your companion or a desire to completely subjugate a man’s will, there is a desire to isolate yourself and find someone softer. In addition, many women so directly strive to get married, ignoring men's needs and psychology, that a man becomes a piece of furniture.

But there are also more mundane reasons for refusing serious decisions - these are material and everyday ones. If a man is responsible, then before starting a family, the man will try to achieve a stable and high level of income. The shame of having nowhere to take the bride can overwhelm all desires to be together, and not every person can afford to live in the same area with their parents purely psychologically. So, a man puts the purchase of an apartment and career advancement, earning capital and developing himself as a specialist in the first place in his implementation. If the woman nearby is capable of wisely appreciating that all these efforts are being made to ensure their future, then she will wait for the cherished invitation to the wedding. Those who will be offended and complain about the lack of attention and quick steps towards change are unlikely to be able to understand all the true concerns of a man about providing for his family. But if your man has already received an education, has established himself as a specialist, has a permanent job and housing, but tells you that finances are needed to move to a better area or you will formalize the relationship after his promotion, it is worth raising the question openly and seriously, because otherwise such delays can drag on for decades.