Hello, dear readers of the KtoNaNovenkogo.ru blog. Nature has rewarded humans with a variety of feelings and emotions, which we are accustomed to dividing into “good” and “bad,” hunting for the former and avoiding the latter. However, if it were not for this conditional division, we would not be able to fully experience our existence.
How to know joy if you have never experienced grief (love - hate, pleasure - suffering, etc.)? Everything is relative.
Today I want to talk about pride - how it is born, what its manifestation and absence entail. Let’s also touch on the feeling of pride – how it differs from arrogance. Since the verbal forms of these two concepts have identical roots, they are often confused, passing off one as the other.
Pride is a sin. How is it different from pride?
Pride is a sin. This is exactly how most religions interpret this trait of humanity, calling for work and getting rid of it.
It is worth understanding that pride is a feeling of negative orientation that can ruin a person’s life once and for all.
Few people will associate most of the theses below with pride. Although, these are the signs that allow us to assert its presence:
- self-centeredness;
- consider yourself better than others;
- think that your interests are the most important;
- self-confidence;
- boasting;
- using manipulations in relation to other people, as a result of which they become at a disadvantage;
- refusal of help;
- taking on an exorbitant load, working without measure.
We often confuse pride and pride. But the main difference between these meanings of concepts is that pride is something that always carries a negative characteristic. Pride, on the contrary, has a positive connotation.
Pride and arrogance are not the same thing
What pride is can already be understood from the above traits. But its main definitions are self-direction, egocentrism, and negativity in assessing the success of others. These are, first of all, actions and thoughts aimed at one’s “I”.
Pride is a negative emotional state of a person that strengthens the selfish essence in him. It is worth understanding that pride and arrogance are different concepts.
Possessing these traits, a person becomes what is called a “proud person,” and this feeling is difficult to overcome or get rid of. But what is the difference between pride and arrogance?
Pride differs from pride in its positive attitude, joy not only for one’s achievements, but also for the successes of others.
Such a person can provide support at the right moment and sincerely participates in both the victories and defeats of those around him. He can bear his joy not only for himself: he will be proud of his country, team, friends, family.
It is this polar orientation that is the definition that characterizes the difference between the concepts of “pride” and “pride.” Like black and white, these feelings reveal completely different sides of a personality, determining his entire life and social circle.
Reasons for an Arrogant Attitude
Why does a person suddenly “turn up his nose” and begin to look at those around him as primitive creatures? In the most general case, there are two reasons for arrogance: overcompensation for one’s shortcomings (a special protective mechanism of the psyche) and arrogance against the backdrop of real success.
In more detail the reasons for arrogance are as follows
:
- Lack of self-confidence, feelings of inferiority.
- Inflated self-esteem and self-esteem.
- Inheritance of certain values from parents (for example, social status: someone born into the family of “masters of the world” will consider himself the best, ideal person).
- Hyperprotection in the family in childhood (“everyone’s favorite”).
- An abundance of flattery and servility.
What do we know about pride?
What is pride, what is known about this feeling, what is its importance for the individual, how to get rid of it, and is it worth overcoming its manifestations at all?
A proud person builds a hierarchical structure for himself, on which he distributes the people around him. At the center of this configuration is himself. And all his judgments lack objectivity, since they pass through the prism of personal idioms and attitudes.
Pride in a person makes him consider himself an irreplaceable cell of the world, that link, the removal of which will interrupt the life chain of the Universe. A proud person needs constant attention from others.
It is for this purpose that he has “things to show off”: the ideal home, the ideal vehicle, the ideal relationship, the ideal Instagram page.
Needing the attention of others, a proud person shuns anyone's help. “I myself!” It is the ability to overcome a barrier, which sometimes requires an unreasonable amount of effort, that evokes internal praise, further feeding pride. But at the same time, a proud person considers himself deeply unhappy, since the responsibility entrusted to him requires hyper strength.
Pride is the feeling that instills in a person an erroneous sense of omnipotence (in strength, intelligence, life experience). Possessing it, a proud person considers it right to give advice to less experienced comrades (of whom the majority are around), and also to monitor their implementation.
Psychological portrait of an arrogant person
The not very long word “arrogance” denotes an entire psychological characteristic. A person suffering from this vice is a rather complex person.
First of all, it should be said that such a person lives in an illusory world. In such a world it is much easier for him to exist than in reality. Often an arrogant person becomes like this after he tried to prove himself in some area, but failed, quickly “blown away” and experienced mental trauma. Such a person is not used to overcoming difficulties.
At the same time, an arrogant person is usually a “consumer perfectionist.” This means that he wants to get the best from life, but cannot or does not want to make any effort to achieve it. He is simply confident that he has the right to the “best pieces” of the common pie and to the worship of others.
A person living in reality knows that there is no limit to perfection. And that no matter how good he is (hardworking, educated, physically strong, spiritually rich, etc.), there are thousands of other people who are much better in these qualities than him. But for the arrogant, the process of development has already been completed, and he himself seems to be the crown of this development.
Sometimes the behavior of an arrogant person takes unusual forms. For example, a mask of sacrifice. A person strives to show himself as a kind of “Mother Teresa”: he strives to help everyone (when they don’t ask for it), gives everyone “practical advice” (when they are not needed). Sometimes he is ready to spend even his last money, in order, for example, to gain universal recognition, without doing anything truly useful. The result of such “sacrifice” is exactly the same as with ordinary pride: it is irritation and anger when one does not receive recognition.
The latter can be compared to the behavior of a politician or oligarch who is trying to engage in “charity.” Famous actors and musicians also make a living out of this when they feel that their fame is being forgotten, CDs are no longer bought as much as before, and they are no longer invited to play leading roles. By allocating a small amount of money to help those in need, such a celebrity creates a stir about this in all the media, exaggerates his merit, trying to ensure that millions of people pay close attention to her again.
Pride in religion
In social life, manifestations of pride can interfere with others, but are considered quite acceptable and can be justified by a “philosophy of life.”
Modern society has reached the finish line of egocentrism, and it is unlikely that it will be possible to surprise it with another “great I”. But, from the point of view of many religions, pride is a sin, and a mortal sin.
It is the attempt to put oneself on the same level with God, or even higher, that elevates sin to the rank of the most serious. And it is by overcoming manifestations of pride, according to theological teachings, that a person earns the opportunity to live in a better world after death.
Islam
Pride is the greatest sin in Islam, as it is the cause of many other grave sins. It was she who forced Iblis to bow to Adam, whom Allah created.
Iblis considered himself better than Adam because he was created from fire, unlike Adam, who was created from earth.
Pride (for kibr) settles in a good heart and sharpens all his good intentions and aspirations, depriving him of reverent awe of the Almighty. “No one will enter Paradise in whose heart there remains pride weighing even a grain of sand,” said one of the first Muslim converts, jurist and scientist Abdullah ibn Masud.
Buddhism
In Buddhist belief, the many faces of pride have seven manifestations: the pride of selfishness, pride beyond pride, the pride of superiority, the pride of the thinking self, false pride, and the pride of inferiority. Success is dangerous: clouding the mind, it leads to destructive consequences. It blinds and a person becomes careless.
Falling down, he begins to blame others for the defeat, forgetting about the main role of his pride in his personal catastrophe. People can become proud of anything that attracts everyone's attention, even if it is negative. This is exactly the vision of pride in Buddhism.
Christianity
Pride is a sin, one of the eight (Catholicism) or seven (Orthodoxy) deadly sins. Considering himself to be the only “culprit” for his achievements, according to the teachings of Christianity, a person forgets about the things that he received from God: the senses of touch, a healthy functional body, a cozy home, a happy family.
He no longer thanks the Lord for his virtues, deciding that he has achieved everything himself. Pride is the sin of Satan, the first passion that appeared in the world even before the emergence of humanity on Earth.
Is it good or bad to be an arrogant person?
Of course, arrogance is a very negative character trait that brings nothing good either to society or to the bearer of this trait. In a society where arrogance would finally reign, disintegration would immediately occur. It is enough to imagine what would happen if teachers did not teach children at school, but ridiculed and mocked them; Likewise, doctors will not treat the sick, but will only laugh at them and reproach them for improper behavior and inattention to their health.
Any society is a collective of different people, and the stronger and more successful must teach and mentor the weaker. In addition, there are no absolutely successful people in everything. A physically strong person is most often ignorant and uneducated, even to the point of complete illiteracy; and a specialist in some mental activity important for society (for example, a professor of medicine) is often thin, physically weak or, conversely, overweight.
A model of a normally functioning society can be, for example, a football team. In it, each participant has a specialization that corresponds to his greatest strengths. The player who has the best attacking abilities performs precisely this function, while he may not have the qualities of a defender at all. In any case, the success of the team depends only on the coordinated work of the entire team. If each player falls into arrogance and begins to ridicule his comrades (for example, a goalkeeper laughs at a striker for not being able to stand on goal), then the team is guaranteed complete failure. Perhaps the team will immediately break up, since none of the players will want to play in the same team with the “weaklings”.
So, arrogance has a destructive effect on human society. But how is it dangerous for the person himself who has fallen into arrogance? This can be illustrated by the example of a perestroika satirical cartoon about a rabbit who loved to give advice. This arrogant rabbit in a respectable suit imposed his opinion on everyone in the forest: he taught a wolf to hunt, a centipede to walk correctly, a cricket to sing... Finally, he wanted to teach a beaver to “drown correctly,” which, in fact, he did. That is, a person who has fallen into arrogance becomes reckless, and this can cost him health and even life. Such a person is not able to adequately assess his own capabilities; he can demonstratively take on too much of a burden - and fail to cope with it. He can work to the point of complete exhaustion, deprive himself of sleep and rest, forbid himself to express feelings and emotions, indulge in “weaknesses” (for example, cry in public or drink a little wine); but this only harms his health, including physical.
Main features
So, what is pride, what are its main signs?
There are main factors that cause the sinful essence in a person, namely:
- Consider yourself to be the only one right, constantly proving this to others;
- The need to give advice to others, even if they do not need it;
- Consider yourself an unshakable value of ideal life on earth;
- Incredible responsibility for everything that happens: in the family, at work, in the country, in the world;
- Victim syndrome. Whatever you did despite yourself, you gave it to the world. Let everyone see how I suffer for your sake;
- The desire to force people to do everything the way you want, the way you taught them;
- Be deaf to the advice of others. What can they advise ME?
- The desire to condemn the actions of others because they do it differently from what is accepted in your ideal world.
Anyone who behaves this way gradually becomes weaker. Ultimately, such people live the last minutes of their lives in complete solitude, filled with pain and suffering.
Psychological causes of pride
We have learned that feelings of superiority stem from feelings of inferiority. It’s easy to guess where the latter comes from. “We all come from childhood” is a hackneyed phrase, but you can’t erase the words from the song. Self-esteem is formed before the age of 7. And if during this period the child’s personal dignity was constantly attacked - insulted, humiliated, shamed, beaten, God forbid - then a large hole is formed in the center of his self.
Next, the psyche - a smart thing (I always say this) - turns on protective mechanisms to keep the personality afloat and prevent it from collapsing (going into psychopathy).
Humiliated children , as compensation for the feeling of their inferiority, begin to invent fairy tales about their super capabilities, thereby, as it were, patching up the holes of their wounded soul. Having convinced himself that he is not like others, reveling in his fantasies (and children have very rich ones), the baby does not feel mental discomfort.
Rejection by a parent(s), whether physical or emotional, is the worst thing for a child’s psyche. Feeling this, the child will bend over backwards to be “better, higher, stronger,” thus cultivating pride. All for the sake of being loved and accepted. This will become his leitmotif for the rest of his life.
He will crush weakness, helplessness and other imperfections in himself at the root, praising his successful sides. He does the same in relation to others, criticizing them for the slightest “mistakes” and inconsistency with his picture of the world.
How to get rid of pride
There are many opportunities in the life of any person that will answer the question: how to get rid of pride?
First of all, this is an attempt to understand the interlocutor, to hear him, to “get into his shoes,” to try to think like him.
A proud man, accustomed to his superior position, will be able to change his mind by doing the work that he considered unworthy of him. So, for example, wash the entrance or pick up trash after someone.
While appreciating your ideal life, trying to plunge into the lives of less fortunate people will also help you get rid of the veil of pride. Look at how a financially poorer person or people with disabilities live. Will they be able to fulfill your dogmas dictated by pride?
A simple “thank you”, sincere gratitude in the store to the seller who served you; the person who gave the item you dropped; to the chef for an excellent dessert.
All these are simple methods, opportunities that exist in everyone’s life.
What are the consequences
Will your life be better without pride? What about the lives of those around you? Yes, if you are a believer, and pride is a mortal sin. And the highest reward will be the opportunity to help your neighbor, hear him and feel the Lord’s support. But how will the life of an ordinary person from modern society, for whom pride is not a moral problem, change?
First of all, getting rid of pride will help you relate to difficult situations more simply and understand what happened, as in the proverb “What doesn’t happen is for the better.” You will realize that there are several options for the development of events and your psyche will be ready for any turn, leaving resources to resolve situations.
You will begin to see positive features in what is happening, without bringing reality into your “ideal” framework.
Those around you will also feel an undoubted benefit when the pressure on your part eases and you stop elevating yourself above everyone else in the hierarchical ladder. Humiliation of loved ones, even indirect ones, will no longer stand in your relationship. By changing yourself, you will change the world around you.
How to help a person overcome pride
But it often happens that with all the immense desire to get rid of pride, a person cannot overcome this feeling himself. If such a moment comes, it is very important to listen to people who want to help you in your difficult struggle with pride. Many of them have come into contact with the problem of pride and many have effective advice that will help you too.
If you decide to restore balance in the soul of a proud person, then only by constantly talking through the problem and correct “sawing” can you achieve a result. But don’t forget about the “no more than two times” rule. Repetition more than twice causes irritation, rejection and rejection of information in a person. If a person wants to hear, he will do it even after two times.
Sometimes it is worth becoming a guide, taking your neighbor by the hand and opening doors for him to another world that is not typical for him. Show a proud person that even with his inaction, the world will not collapse, and the universe will not change its cycle; that people can live by their own “imperfect” rules and still be happy; that you don’t need to sacrifice yourself, performing super-tasks, while destroying yourself and your life.
How to get rid of pride, how to help others - there is a wide choice of methods, but it is worth remembering that the main thread should be service - to other people, society, the universe. And so, by trying every day to become better, you will change not only yourself, but also the world around you.
Pride in psychology.
Psychologists say that there is no personality without pride. It’s just that this feeling is revealed so subtly that we don’t even imagine how permeated we are with it. You can notice pride if you regularly devote time to working on yourself.
It is difficult to list all the signs of pride. Here are some of them:
- Confidence in one's own rightness and infallibility (excellent student syndrome).
- Feeling of personal significance and importance.
- Boasting, thoughts of one's own superiority.
- Reluctance to take responsibility for one's actions.
- Treating others condescendingly.
- Indignation towards braggarts.
- Feeling worthless and expecting praise.
To discover these qualities in yourself means to recognize the enemy by sight. To pacify them or use them for one’s own development is everyone’s personal choice.
When does pride stop?
Pride is insidious. On the one hand, it makes a person dependent on other people's opinions. On the other hand, it poisons social and personal life. A proud person refuses to believe in equality and tries with all his might to remake the world according to his own understanding. Considering himself better than everyone else, a proud person stops developing and sometimes even degrades.
What to do with yourself if pride interferes with your life?
- The first and most important thing is to face your shortcomings. Until we recognize our negative sides, we will not make them disappear, we will not find harmony.
- Love yourself. Pride as a defensive reaction arises from self-doubt.
- Learn to listen. Pride does not tolerate competition; it is deaf to the desires of other people. The skills of empathy and compassion will take a significant toll on her.
- Gradually remove the crown of pride. Learn to do good anonymously, so that no one knows about your good deeds. Start doing simple, everyday work: washing dishes, caring for animals, digging beds.
- Learn to sincerely praise other people.
Many of us are spoiled by the phrase: “Never ask for anything, you must have your own pride.” We silently wait, get offended or begin to demand. But it remains unclear - where is the line that cannot be crossed? Often we simply don’t know how to turn our shortcomings into our strengths.
Advice from psychologists
To help with the fight against pride, many psychologists advise to humble yourself and understand that a person is not ideal, he must constantly improve and become better.
One of the main steps on the path to getting rid of pride is to understand the goal with a detailed description of the losses that pride has brought you and the gains that you will have without it.
The next step is to learn how to communicate two-way with people. Hear them. Let them describe you. And you, in turn, will adequately evaluate this portrait and accept it. This is how you appear to others.
Psychologists also recommend the same work that you considered beneath your dignity to do. Only by plunging into another reality will you be able to compare and understand whether the edges of your world are ideal.
And, of course, say thank you. Even psychologists advise this.
Summarizing
So, first of all, pride is the negative side of your personality. And it should not be confused with pride, which is an open positive feeling. Almost every world religion considers pride, if not a mortal sin, then one of the most important and serious.
Pride is the main element, the catalyst that sets in motion the entire chain of consequences, giving rise to other sins. Getting rid of pride will bring positive spiritual fruits not only to a believer, but also to those who do not build their lives according to the commandments.
Well, and most importantly, say thank you. This is not only polite, but also healing for the soul.
