People come to psychotherapy to feel better, but often don't know exactly how it works. Some people doubt that talking to a specialist can help. Many people discuss their problems with friends to find practical solutions.
And although problem solving is also not uncommon in psychotherapy, most often changes occur at a much deeper, unconscious level. This process is specific to the brain and is not easily replicated outside of a relationship with a professional in the field.
The brain is constantly developing. Those who have had painful experiences in childhood learn to expect pain in the future. And then a new type of relationship is required - for example, therapeutic - to “retrain” the brain.
Why can't a therapist just tell me what to do?
To understand why the therapeutic relationship is so valuable and cannot be replaced by advice from a self-help book, we need to talk a little more about the development of the human brain.
Roughly speaking, it consists of three parts, representing different phases of development.
- The reptilian brain is the first to develop and is responsible for the automatic control of vital functions such as breathing.
- The limbic brain develops next and is responsible for regulating emotions and behavior.
- The youngest part of the brain, the neocortex, is responsible for higher order functions - symbolic thinking, language, logic.
When a person asks a therapist or friend to tell him what to do, he is looking for a solution at the neocortical level - something rational and consciously implemented.
However, often people's problems are the result of painful experiences in an early relationship that have changed the limbic brain, and only a new type of relationship can influence the limbic brain in such a way that a person experiences less negative emotions and more positive ones.
When Emotional Problems Arise
Emotions are needed to help us survive in a world where we depend on other people. Over time, the limbic brain has evolved to automatically create emotions such as anger and sadness, which help us navigate society.
When someone treats us badly, we are evolutionarily programmed to get angry in order to try to change that person's behavior. When we are rejected, we feel sad about the loss of what we wanted from someone else and move on.
However, in childhood, when our survival is especially dependent on others, their reactions (in particular, parents) to our emotions either help us in the future to adapt normally in society, or develop painful reactions.
For example, if a child is angry at being treated unfairly and is punished for it, over time he will begin to unconsciously associate the expression of anger with pain. And when something unfair happens, such a person will feel anxiety about his anger instead of anger, because he has learned from his environment that anger brings pain and does not help protect himself.
The limbic system tries to prevent more emotional pain from punishment, but the person pays for this with constant anxiety. This becomes especially problematic when people enter new relationships (friendships, romantic relationships) in which open expression of anger is possible, but early experiences cause the person to hold back anger and experience anxiety.
Only action matters
You can read as many blogs like this one as you want. You can think positively as much as you want and shout “Hurray, hurray!” However, all this will not contribute to your success. What helps this most is the actions you take based on the knowledge you gain from various sources.
At the same time, it should be said that by measures taken I mean those measures that you take immediately, and not at all what you plan to do sometime later.
Typically, when we put something off, we find that when “later” comes, it’s too late to do anything. In case of failure, this will be a very convenient excuse. Our fear prevents us from acting immediately. This is why it is so important that you learn through play to deal with everything that scares you so much.
“An idea in itself has no value. It becomes valuable when a person acts to realize this idea.”
I'm sure that almost every person has probably come up with the idea of creating something like an Uber taxi. However, only 2 people still decided to make an effort to turn this idea into a concrete, albeit rather complex, business.
Are you going to take action, or are you going to let someone else “steal” your success from you while you sit quietly on the sidelines, acquiring useless knowledge?
How psychotherapy “rewires” the brain
A psychotherapeutic relationship gives a person the opportunity to retrain the limbic system - to break the connection between the expectation of a negative reaction and the expression of certain emotions, to reduce anxiety and the unconscious suppression of emotions programmed by early experience.
The therapeutic relationship works this way in part because it recreates the type of relationship in which a person was first forced to repress his emotions, one in which one person's needs are dependent on another for meeting his needs.
A psychotherapist, like a parent, faces the difficult task of meeting the needs of another person. This task is made more difficult by the fact that many people come to therapy expecting a rational solution to their problem, when such a solution often does not exist.
Therapy provides a unique opportunity to gain new experiences through the way the therapist responds to the feelings that arise during therapy - disappointment, anger, sadness.
Instead of punishing the person for these emotions, as he was punished as a child, the therapist normalizes them and encourages exploration. This helps train the limbic system to stop associating the expression of these emotions with punishment. When this happens on an unconscious level, it becomes easier for a person to endure and express experiences.
Reprogramming the Subconscious - 3 Powerful Techniques
The subconscious (unconscious) is all those mental processes that we are not aware of. Psychologists say that 90% of the actions a person performs throughout his life occur on a subconscious level. And consciousness, that is, everything that we are aware of, accounts for only 10%.
The role of the subconscious in our life is enormous. It is the unconscious that gives us signals aimed at ensuring that we make exactly the kind of decisions that subsequently lead us to certain results. The subconscious is also involved in the distribution of hidden resources within us. By releasing these resources, we can radically transform our own lives and achieve success.
In addition, the unconscious operates with a huge store of information. It contains information about you, about the people around you and about the whole world as a whole. The subconscious mind has the power to calculate various actions many steps ahead, so it can help you make optimal decisions. In general, the possibilities of the unconscious truly have no limits.
And in order to learn to manage your reality, your life, you need to learn to interact with the subconscious. By doing this, you will have an extremely helpful and all-knowing companion in achieving what you want.
And now we will say the main idea: it is possible to influence the unconscious part of the psyche; the subconscious can be reprogrammed for specific goals. Of course, no one will bring anything on a silver platter. You will have to work, but interaction with the subconscious will greatly speed up the process of bringing what you want to life.
TECHNIQUES FOR REPROGRAMMING THE SUBCONSCIOUS CONSCIOUSNESS
We will tell you about three techniques for reprogramming the subconscious. Moreover, you can use one of the methods that you like best, or all together, which will significantly enhance the effect.
And another important point: before you start working with techniques, you must decide what task you will work on , what goal you want to set for your unconscious. How to set such goals? First, clearly formulate the task, clearly define the goal you are striving for, decide what and when you want to achieve. This is done so that the subconscious understands exactly where it should ultimately lead you.
Secondly, you must believe in achieving your goal . And not only you, but also your subconscious. There is no need to come up with some exorbitant plans, they must be realistic. If the goal is large, then it is better to break it down into stages and move towards its implementation gradually.
Thirdly, this should be exactly your goal that you yourself want to achieve. After all, very often people set goals that were imposed on them by loved ones, friends, and the public. These goals are not sincere, they are not truly desired.
For example, your parents tell you that you need to become a successful manager. You don't like it, but you still strive for this goal. And after achieving it, you will not experience any joy, because this is not your goal. And since deep down in your soul you do not want to achieve it, conflicting intentions will arise in the subconscious, and this will create obstacles on the path to its implementation. In the process of achieving it, you will encounter many different problems. This does not mean that you will not achieve your goal, but you will have to put in an incredible amount of extra effort.
And now we can proceed directly to the consideration of techniques for reprogramming the subconscious.
TECHNIQUE “GOLDEN RATIO”
This method uses self-hypnosis based on the golden ratio rule. With its help, you can greatly increase the effectiveness of influencing the subconscious, since this allows you to influence it directly, bypassing consciousness.
What is this magic section? In simple terms, this is the division of some value in the ratio of approximately 62 and 38 percent. In everyday life, any of you uses this harmonious proportion constantly. In stores, your eyes are first drawn to the goods that are located on the shelves located at the point of this section.
There is such a profession as merchandiser. One of the functions of this specialist is precisely that he optimally arranges goods on shelves and display cases. He places those goods that need to be sold first, that is, which are most profitable for the store, in the place of the golden ratio. And for these places there is a real struggle between various suppliers using kickbacks and pressure. If a company manages to place its products in such a sweet spot, then high sales are practically guaranteed.
Also, the principle of the golden ratio is widely used in art, especially in architecture. You can ask your friends, photographers, artists, architects or designers, and they will tell you about it in detail. We will not dwell on this in too much detail.
So, why do we need to know about the golden ratio? If you want to fulfill any desire, based on the technique described, you first need to write a text for self-hypnosis. And you place the main word or phrase, which contains what you want to achieve, at the point of the golden ratio.
For example, you are writing a text of 27 words (this is the recommended number), and words sixteen to eighteen will be at the golden ratio point. This means that they will directly penetrate into the unconscious. It is these three words that should keep your goal in check. If, for example, you dream of owning your own spare parts store, then these three words could be “open an auto parts store.” The rest of the text may contain a request to the unconscious to help fulfill a desire, an expression of gratitude for the help, a request not to harm anyone when realizing your desire, and so on.
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This is the meaning of this technique: compose a text, insert a formulated goal, intention in the right place, and then speak and listen to this text constantly. Goals can be anything: financial, career, family, love, spiritual. If you have two main words that formulate a desire, then in a text of 27 words (prepositions and other small parts of speech are also considered words) put them sixteenth and seventeenth. And if one, then the seventeenth.
What needs to be done next? It is recommended to speak the composed text into a voice recorder (for example, on your phone or computer) and listen to the recording continuously for at least half an hour for two to three weeks. At the same time, you can not particularly listen to the meaning of the words, but go about your business. The technique will still work, because the right words will penetrate directly into your unconscious, and this is, in fact, what we need.
If the reprogramming of the subconscious was successful, you may come up with various ideas on how to achieve this goal, or you will feel a surge of strength to achieve it; people may appear on your path who will suggest or help you achieve it. In general, something is bound to happen.
"GRAN" TECHNIQUE
The method bears this name because to use it it is necessary to grasp the thinnest line between sleep and wakefulness and at this moment introduce your goal into the subconscious. Let us immediately note that this technique is quite complex. It takes persistence and practice to make it work, but the results will be amazing. As with the previous technique, its point is to directly reprogram the subconscious.
There is a subtle moment between the states of wakefulness and sleep when you are approaching the sleep state, but are not yet asleep. And at this very moment you must repeatedly repeat your clearly formulated intention, your goal. And the more repetitions there are, the better. Ideally, repeat your goal until you fall asleep.
How to determine this line? Firstly, this is a state of half-asleep. Surely you have been in this state many times. Recreate it in your memory down to the smallest detail. This will make it easier for you to understand how to recognize it at the right time.
Secondly, this is a state when you are, in principle, aware that you have not yet fallen asleep, but your body is in the so-called “immobile laziness.” You cannot move your arms and legs, but not because you cannot physically, but because you simply don’t want to. You feel very pleasant laziness. And it is precisely at this moment that it is necessary to begin to influence the unconscious. Here, of course, the main thing is to learn to notice this condition.
First, set the intention to get into this gap between wakefulness and sleep. You must want to accomplish this with all your heart. And the next time you go to bed, watch your consciousness, try to catch this moment that comes one step before falling asleep.
There is a very good technique that helps in capturing this moment. Set your alarm three hours earlier than the time you usually wake up. As soon as you wake up in the middle of the night, get out of bed immediately. Do not stay in it, otherwise you risk falling asleep quickly. Get out of bed and do different things for an hour. You can play video games, or you can do something useful, for example, clean the apartment (just don’t vacuum - your neighbors are unlikely to like it).
An hour after waking up, go back to sleep and monitor your condition. This technique is very helpful in the process of determining the line between wakefulness and the moment when you fall asleep. You will be clearly aware of your condition.
When you learn to determine this line, every day in this state of half-asleep, begin, as we have already said, to repeat to yourself your precisely formulated intention. For example: “I purchased a car of such and such a model, of such and such a color, of such and such a year, before such and such a date,” or “I opened my own cafe by such and such a date.” The subconscious will receive an order and begin working on achieving the goal.
The technique, as we warned, is quite complex, but very effective. She can really help you achieve the desired result. Now you can move on to the final technique.
CIRCULAR TECHNIQUE
This technique will not only help you achieve your goal, but will also give you the energy to accomplish your plans. You won’t even notice how you begin to take action to realize your goal. This technique must be performed for twenty days, during which time you will see the first results. You will see in which direction you should move, either people will come into your life who will help you, or certain situations will arise that will contribute to your intention. You can even achieve your goal within these 20 days. Everything here is individual.
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To perform the “Circular” technique, you will need a thicker notebook and a pen/pencil. Now let's give an algorithm of actions. You need to mark the day on your calendar on which you will begin performing this technique. Then you should count twenty days from this date and mark this day as the completion date of the technique. This is done so that you can see in what period of time you should get the first results in realizing your goal.
Write the following in your notebook:
“I am beginning to realize my goal (write what exactly you want to achieve). I set the time for the arrival of the first visible results in any of 20 days from the start date of practice.”
Go ahead. State your desired goal. Please note that you need to formulate it as if you have already achieved it. For example: “I earn 40,000 rubles a month” or “I know how to do the splits.” That is, there is no need to use the formulations “I will earn money,” “I want to earn money,” “I will learn to do this.” And we repeat once again: we need to set realistic goals. After all, if you don’t believe in their achievement, there will be no point. You will always have time to set a more ambitious goal when you achieve the previous one. The scale must be increased gradually.
After this, you need to provide yourself with privacy for at least half an hour and write your formulated goal a hundred times in a notebook. And this must be done for twenty days. Exactly 100 times. Try not to interrupt, that is, firstly, you need to write the phrase in one sitting, and secondly, don’t miss a day.
So, you have become acquainted with three techniques that you can put into practice. These are effective techniques. Choose one of them to your liking or use all three, everything is at your discretion. The result will definitely come. The only condition: You must persistently practice these exercises and believe in what you are doing.
SUBCONSCIOUS CLUE
When you start using these techniques, don't expect everything to fall from the sky on you. The subconscious will help you release the resources stored in you that are in a dormant state, focus your attention on information that helps you achieve what you want, give you a great idea, and so on. But in any case, you will have to make some effort to realize your intention. There are no magic spells here that will instantly change your life. This doesn't happen.
Let's talk about subconscious clues. It will tell you which direction you need to move in order to achieve what you want. You will begin to pay attention to various articles, books, TV shows, and so on. Pay close attention to these things. In them you can find an idea on how to implement your plans. Or you will be shown the means by which you can achieve your goal.
For example, if your goal is to get well, you can find a book that will describe how to deal with the disease. Or you will see a TV show about a person who has overcome an illness similar to yours. And this person will inspire you, and inspiration and motivation are an important part of achieving a goal, it gives additional energy and determination to implement your plans.
Also pay attention to the people you meet while working on your goal. What worldview do these people have, what thoughts do they express? For example, you decide to open your own business, and you will meet a person who is already doing business. And he will share his invaluable experience with you or even become your business partner.
Pay special attention to your thoughts and ideas that come to mind. An interesting idea may come to you, how to open a business, how to find additional income, how to solve this or that problem, in general, it all depends on what goal you have set for yourself, and therefore for your subconscious.
You also need to know the following: if you feel tired, apathetic, then know that this subconscious mind is letting you know that you have gone in the wrong direction. Therefore, react clearly to your condition. There is an expression: “wings grew behind your back.” If you feel a surge of enthusiasm, then this is a hint that means you are going in the right direction.
The same applies to your emotional state. If you feel that you are going the wrong way, you are constantly in a bad mood, increased irritability, then keep in mind that this unconscious is giving you a signal that you have lost your way.
It is also highly recommended to learn how to ask the subconscious for advice. Yes, you can consult with him and ask him questions on absolutely any topic. The subconscious, relying on the gigantic amount of information it contains, will truly become your wisest advisor and consultant.
Reprogramming the subconscious is a powerful force that can change your entire life. The main thing is not to be lazy and work on yourself. Then success is guaranteed for you!
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Well-being in adulthood
Changes in the attitude towards one's emotions lead to a decrease in anxiety, as a person ceases to suppress his natural emotional impulses.
But therapy does more than just relieve symptoms. The natural ability to constructively use your emotions for their original purpose is restored - for orientation in society.
It's hard to be happy if you can't tell your partner that they hurt you or that you need something. Communication with him may be very different from your early relationship, but because of past experiences, you may still feel that expressing feelings and voicing needs is unsafe.
Successful therapy helps restore emotional flexibility and expand the choice of reactions in contacts with other people. Research shows that those who undergo therapy have less activity in the areas of the brain responsible for negative emotions.
It turns out that talking can still help if you talk to a professional psychotherapist who is capable of compassion.
Read fiction
To reprogram your thoughts, you must expose yourself to new experiences and new perspectives.
One cost-effective way to do this is by reading literature. A study conducted by The New School found that participants who read fiction or science fiction were better able to understand the feelings of others. The ability to empathize is not only an important skill for those who adopt more compassionate behavior patterns, but it is also an excellent professional skill. Understanding the thought process of colleagues, employees or potential clients will make it easier to create strong connections.
Guidance : Everyone has time to read. If you think you're too busy to absorb a great book, think again. First, consider your daily routine as mentioned in the first point. Secondly, you always have some free time to read while commuting to work or before going to bed.
