An unfinished gestalt in a relationship is a dangerous phenomenon, primarily because it does not allow a woman to live fully further. Any gestalt is a holistic, complete image of what you have subordinated your activity, life, period of time, etc. In other words, this is what was our goal or task and received its logical conclusion. But if such an ending did not happen, we have an incomplete gestalt.
Let's give an example of a situation. Woman 30 years old. You were planning to get a job in a successful company. And now we are almost there. To do this, you have completed several additional courses, interviews with the company's chief managers, learned two languages, and much more. You are invited to an internship. And suddenly you find out that you are pregnant. You will not terminate the pregnancy under any circumstances (this is your first child), but you will not get the position. You remain at your previous job and safely give birth to your baby. But, if this situation still does not become indifferent to you and you have not left it in the past, you often think about how your life would change if you got this position, then you have an unfinished gestalt that is preventing you from living happily.
Now let’s turn to the open gestalt in a relationship with a man. After all, it is he who becomes the reason why a woman, being unable to let go of the situation, cannot live peacefully and enter into new relationships.
What is the essence of the term
The word "gestalt" translated from German means "figure, form, appearance." A relationship is considered over if the couple is no longer together, but in reality it's not that simple. Physically, a girl may not see her former boyfriend, may not live in the same apartment with him, but in her heart be close to her lover. The “shadow” of the partner for some time pursues the person who mentally proves the rightness of the chosen one, argues with him or expresses grievances.
It will not be possible to turn another page in life if you do not close the gestalt in relationships. At first it will be an itchy splinter, and then it can turn into a bleeding wound and cause a lot of problems.
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Psychologists compare gestalt to any unfinished business that haunts us. For comparison, experts advise imagining receiving an important letter by email. The woman opened the long-awaited message, but was distracted by her mobile phone ringing. She was informed that the child was sick and needed to be urgently taken from kindergarten. Then she had to go to the clinic or pharmacy to get medicine, but all this time the woman was not left with an anxious feeling - this is gestalt.
Incompleteness in a relationship arises due to a sudden break in communication:
- partner left without explanation;
- the chosen one expressed a desire to separate, but the arguments seemed unconvincing;
- sudden death of a loved one.
It is very important to end the relationship completely so as not to get stuck in the past, like in a swamp.
Impact on loved ones
If only the individual himself suffered from an incomplete gestalt, then this would not be so bad.
The saddest thing is that close people are involved in the process, often innocent of anything.
This is expressed in well-known situations. For example, a child dreamed of becoming a musician, but went to study to become a lawyer because his parents decided so.
Subsequently, all his life he will try to make his child a musician without asking his desire . Although it was possible to realize your dream much later, even in a slightly different form.
Also, a girl who was once betrayed by her lover will annoy her new lovers with her jealousy and constant control.
If the breakup occurred on the eve of the wedding, then the woman may develop an obsessive desire to organize a celebration, no matter what. This will be her goal and the meaning of the relationship, not the relationship itself.
Sometimes very difficult situations . For example, a pregnancy ended in miscarriage. After this, the woman is afraid to get pregnant again, so as not to experience new grief.
The diagnosis of “chronic miscarriage” or “unexplained infertility” often has nothing to do with physical problems. The girl is absolutely healthy. What prevents her from giving birth to a child is an unfinished gestalt, which provokes a repetition of the scenario.
The Hidden Danger of Incompleteness
If a person accumulates started tasks every day, they will result in persistent anxiety.
An open gestalt in a relationship poses a great threat:
- Even the strongest personality will slow down in development and will helplessly mark time. In a state of incompleteness, it is difficult to build harmonious relationships, move forward and set goals. The person begins to replay the scenario of a past life, imagining a happy ending.
- Escaping into a fantasy world will certainly result in emotional distress or psychosomatic illness. Nervous colitis, asthma, dermatitis of various etiologies and even infertility - here is a short list of possible ailments with incomplete gestalt.
- A person does not see the meaning of life, preferring to go with the flow. He may not be happy with the conditions in which he finds himself, but he is not going to change anything. One of the forms of gestalt manifests itself in complete apathy and laziness, a decrease in vitality.
- Strong emotional experiences often become the cause of prolonged depression or acute neurosis. Against the backdrop of stress, a person may have thoughts of suicide - in this case, it is better to solve the problem not on your own, but with the help of a specialist.
- General dissatisfaction with life and internal discomfort appear.
Most of the energy is spent maintaining the illusion of a non-existent relationship. A person's physical and mental resources are depleted, which leads to irritability, poor concentration and insomnia.
Methods and ways to close the gelstat yourself
It is possible to close the gelstat on your own only after realizing the involuntary concentration on the past. A psychologist can provide great help in getting out of this situation, but you can try to cope with the situation on your own, by trying to let go of past events and partners and focus on the present time.
Realize your own unfinished gelstate
First of all, you should understand your own emotions and feelings, deciding on those that cause the most severe pain. Having concentrated on the experiences, you should remember exactly why and when they arose, and determine what is associated with such a strong reaction to the situation. Experts strongly recommend that a person record the process of studying his emotions, which will allow him to look at the situation from a different angle.
Having decided on a specific problem, you need to understand exactly what actions were taken to solve the problem. If a person has done everything in his power, then further events have occurred regardless of his will, and if not, then it becomes clearly clear what else can be done to get out of the deadlock situation.
Shift attention
Most often, incomplete gelstatts arise where a person cannot influence the events that happen to him, as well as the desires, feelings and needs of other people who are important to him. Having focused on the ideal picture, the psyche cannot grasp why the partner behaved completely differently from what was planned, which did not lead to a specific, desired and already formed result in the imagination.
Having realized that the unclosed gelstatt arose precisely because of unjustified expectations of the partner’s actions, one should shift the focus to what exactly in one’s actions can be corrected, for example, by defining the desire to achieve reciprocity not as “he will definitely love me”, but as “I will try to achieve his location, maybe he will also be interested in me.”
Detailed study of the traumatic situation
Another option for closing a gelstatt could be a certain algorithm of actions aimed at:
| Studying the situation | To do this, you need to clearly define all the pros and cons of the existing relationship, and then write them down on a piece of paper, concentrating on what exactly causes pain and irritation. |
| Recreating in your head a picture of a tormenting past and psychological modeling of a “happy ending” | Here you can imagine yourself as the author of your own love story and build your desired plot with a “happy ending” that traditionally concludes the book’s narrative. The created novel must be recorded on paper, completely immersed in it and reliving the events that have already happened, while concentrating precisely on the level not of the mind, but of feelings and emotions. |
| Closing unsaid conversations |
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| Writing a letter | If a personal conversation is impossible, you can also write a letter to an important person, putting on paper all your innermost thoughts and feelings and throwing out accumulated grievances. In this case, it is completely optional to send a letter to the addressee. |
| Reconsider life from the perspective of new experience | Such an internal reboot will not only lift your spirits, but also help you change your opinion about yourself and get rid of feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. |
Such work should be done gradually, allowing the psyche and mind to fully process and understand what is happening. In addition, such an exercise will also destroy stereotypical actions and thoughts, allowing you to subsequently avoid the same type of situations provoked by the gelstatt trap.
Signs of gestalt in relationships
It is not necessary to consult a psychologist to understand dependence on departed love. Experts advise paying attention to disturbing emotional symptoms:
- Persistent resentment. Indifference is a sure sign that the relationship is a thing of the past. If offensive scenes involving your ex-partner come to mind, you should work on yourself.
- Comparison game. The exit from the gestalt does not always coincide with the beginning of a new romantic relationship. If a comparison begins between the current chosen one and the former, the ex-partner still remains a significant figure in life. It doesn’t matter in whose favor the mental competitive selection was carried out.
- Friendly relations with the relatives of the former passion. The couple is no longer together, but the person with the gestalt continues to congratulate the relatives of the ex-chosen one on the holidays. There are excuses about proper upbringing and kindness, but this is just a deception. Beneath the excuses lies the need to feel part of the family.
- Stalking from a distance. Questioning mutual friends, searching for new photos on social networks are signs of male and female gestalt.
- Conversations on the topic of lost relationships. Speaking out is sometimes useful and even right if the dialogues do not take an intrusive form. Discussing an ex-partner is another reason to return to a romantic relationship, at least in memories.
If the gestalt is constantly fed with emotions, it will not be possible to complete it. It is necessary to make a final choice and put an end to the toxic relationship.
Steps to the logical end as a path to freedom
No psychotherapist will help if a person devotes all his free time to mental suffering. Only constant work on one’s own behavior and self-control will be the main step towards liberation:
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- Changing route and habits. Perception and memory are influenced not only by the image of a person, but also by smells, sounds, music or surroundings. Psychologists recommend not visiting places dear to your heart, so as not to reinforce your emotions.
- Destruction of "relics". It is advisable to get rid of things and significant gifts in one fell swoop, otherwise trinkets and photographs will remind you of past love.
- Psychological method “Empty chair”. It is necessary to imagine your ex-partner sitting opposite - and tell him everything that is painful. It is necessary to voice grievances, complaints, talk through critical moments in relationships in order to let go of painful relationships.
If your imagination is tight or it’s difficult to talk to an empty space, you can express yourself in writing. The main task is not to send a message under any circumstances, so as not to provoke a real showdown. By writing down grievances, you can become aware of the existing problems that are preventing you from moving forward.
How to find out if there is an unclosed gelstate
You can close the gelstat on your own only by completely concentrating and letting go of past grievances, ceasing to dwell on the emotions you have experienced, but rather trying to throw them out as soon as possible.
Basic rules on how to close a gestalt
You can find out whether an incomplete gelstate exists in the human psyche in 2 ways:
| Listen carefully to yourself | The appearance of a strong feeling of resentment that arises when a specific person or situation is mentioned, a strong thirst for revenge indicates the appearance of a gelstatt that requires mandatory completion. |
| Analyze events | Constant cyclicality and spiral movement that occurs with different people and events, while having the same, often unpleasant outcome, indicate that the work of closing the gelstatt is not working correctly, forcing the psyche to look for the right solutions. |
Mistakes that are important to avoid
In pursuit of peace and personal happiness, women almost immediately begin dating a new man after a breakup. Among the popular tips, the most common practice is called “How to correctly knock out a wedge with a wedge.” This method is usually used by ladies who have been rejected by a married gentleman. Abandoned and offended girls try to prove to their lover that the world has not collapsed, life goes on, and the world is full of worthy candidates. While the old relationship is fresh in memory, the next romantic relationship will end in failure. Psychologists do not advise giving false hope to your chosen one, using him as a temporary comforter.
The second mistake is wearing a mask of indifference even when alone. The woman plays the role of a self-sufficient person, who is alien to experiences and romantic nonsense. No one will know her true secret about the tears shed at night and unbearable pain - so be it. However, it is useful to admit to yourself that the relationship has failed, but there are many new and interesting things ahead.
Everyone experiences separation in the same way: both a young girl and a divorced wife with a load of experience. Accepting the fact that a person is trapped in a former relationship does not indicate defeat or weakness. Only a strong-willed person is able to face the truth and admit the existing problem. This will be the first step from which a lifelong journey will begin.
