Why do siblings begin to quarrel: about the causes of the conflict

How siblings contribute to a child's development

The ability to communicate is an important skill for a child. As one grows older, it becomes necessary so that a person can succeed in society, realize himself and self-actualize as an individual.

Brothers and sisters are the best “trainer” for practicing social skills, moral support in difficult situations and a mirror for better understanding of ourselves.

Having siblings has a huge impact on a child, both positive and negative.

• If relationships with them develop well, the baby has the opportunity from early childhood to learn to find a common language with other people.
• If the psychological atmosphere in relationships with brothers and sisters is unfavorable, according to the observations of psychologists, children by the age of 4 may have behavioral disorders that affect their school performance and social adaptation at an older age.
• Involved in a common game, brothers and sisters not only develop an understanding of the essence and meaning of interaction with other people, but also receive food for introspection, become familiar with their internal responses to the behavior of those with whom they communicate, and search for the most effective way to meet reactions necessary for survival in a social environment.
• A good relationship with a sibling has a long-term positive impact on a person's socialization process during childhood, adolescence and adulthood. If one child in a family learns the social side of life by watching adults, then two children learn this from each other.
• A brother and sister can give a child something that parents are not always “competent” to do. They, better than mom and dad, will explain to the younger one how to fall in love with kindergarten, find friends at school, gain authority in the class, learn to win over teachers, and adapt to the system as a whole with minimal losses. This is something that older brothers and sisters practice every day, and here they will give a hundred points head start to parents who grew up in a different time and have long been in different social situations.

Friends come and go, siblings remain. Ideally, older and younger children in the family are an excellent source of mutual moral support, especially in situations where it is difficult to seek advice from parents or share personal information with them (adolescence, adulthood). Often, only siblings can truly understand each other’s feelings (divorce of parents, departure of a close family member). Maintaining good relationships, they go through life with the understanding that they are not alone in this world. Often these social connections are the longest lasting.

But this is ideal and in the long term. And while children grow up, adults witness their endless quarrels and conflicts in the struggle for parental attention.

Often, dad and mom try with all their might to avoid clashes, fearing that this creates an unhealthy atmosphere in the relationship between children and does not bring anything good in itself.

But is conflict always bad?

Statistics

According to statistics, the probability that genes with one pathology will occur if the parents are not consanguineous is 3-4%. But if they are close blood relatives, the risk of birth defects and mental retardation in the child increases fivefold! If a brother has fallen in love with his sister as a sexual partner and views her as the mother of their future children, then let him first think carefully about whether even their mutual feelings are worth such a risk to the health of the future generation. The majority of countries prohibit not only incestuous marriages, but even just intimate relationships between such close relatives. This is a punishable criminal act, condemned and condemned by public morality.

What role do conflicts play?

When a family is large, frequent conflicts of interests among its members are inevitable. Any conflict is an attempt to find boundaries.

• Children do not specifically test our nerves for strength, as well as each other’s patience. They are looking for their place in the world, understanding through interaction the boundaries of what is permitted in the family and in society as a whole.
• By finding mutually beneficial options for eliminating contradictions, children not only learn to get out of momentary conflicts with others, but also solve the common task of arranging a harmonious community in a group of equal people. Understanding which methods of communication are acceptable and which are unacceptable is necessary for their mental maturation and socialization.
• When it comes to young children, conflicts, quarrels and fights are a clear illustration of the fact that the child feels offended by the infringement of his rights and is annoyed by the discrepancy between reality and his expectations. Which in itself is absolutely normal: our freedom is limited by the freedom of others.
• Therefore, it is so important to learn to determine your own boundaries and the boundaries of others and, if necessary, influence them in socially acceptable and mutually beneficial ways. Denying the conflict both externally and internally, not recognizing your negative emotions, suppressing them, is destructive for the psyche. This takes away a person’s ability to influence the situation, creatively solve problems without encroaching on the rights of others, and, as a result, imposes restrictions on social adaptability.
• A better understanding of the social side of life by children is facilitated by such a family structure, when the younger generation has the opportunity to discuss their thoughts and feelings with their parents and, under the friendly supervision of adults, learn to practice behavioral skills in various social situations.
• Parents who are good at establishing an open, “accepting” and constructive discussion of children’s experiences, including in connection with emerging conflicts with siblings, create a reliable emotional basis for building a higher level of social intelligence in their children. At the turn of the 20th – 21st centuries, it was social intelligence that began to be recognized as the most important tool for achieving life goals in modern society.

To ensure children have a smooth entry into society, adults are obliged to teach them the basics of harmonious interaction with other members of society, including through establishing healthy relationships with those closest to them - parents, as well as brothers and sisters.

What else, besides parental participation, determines how relationships between children will develop?

Celebrate holidays together

When New Year or other holidays are approaching, all people are in high spirits. Negativity fades into the background, and only positive thoughts swarm in your head. It is at such moments that it is important to be close to your sister. When two people put aside their differences for at least one day so as not to spoil the holiday, it is easier for them to see something positive in each other.

There is another option to get closer and once and for all stop thinking: “How I hate my little sister!” To do this, you need to go on a joint vacation. A little adventure on the seashore and a relaxed atmosphere will help you calm down and learn to spend time with your loved one, which will not be wasted on empty squabbles or insults.

What affects sibling relationships?

• Personality. Sometimes parents wonder: how can children raised with the same pedagogical methods and raised in the same conditions (family, home, other people and environment) be so different? In fact, siblings have more differences than similarities. Yes, a child inherits 50% of each parent's genes. But children do not repeat each other just because they are related by blood. Each of them carries a unique combination of ancestral genes that determine both physique and appearance, as well as character traits.

• Age. Age greatly influences the ways in which children express themselves and advocate for themselves. The younger child tends to resolve issues through the use of physical force (fights), while the older child more often resorts to verbal arguments. Children whose age difference is small (less than 2 years) conflict more often than those who are separated by a significant age distance. However, this does not apply to twins.

• Floor. Although gender can be united by common interests, parents notice that same-sex children have more disagreements and mutual claims than opposite-sex children. This is due to jealousy and competition for parental love, which is often presented in the same way for two boys or two girls. Brother and sister find it easier to find their own special ways of seeking the attention of dad and mom due to the differences that were initially inherent in them.

• Order of appearance. The eldest child is the helper, hope and support of the parents. The youngest is an outlet for mom and dad, who were already tired of raising children by the time he was born. The middle one is vulnerable because his position in the family is uncertain and blurred: he is not the eldest, but may be the smartest, not the youngest, but may be the weakest. Often not receiving the attention that his brothers and sisters receive, the middle child begins to behave defiantly and provoke conflicts, because he needs to gain a firm position in the family, unconditionally recognized and supported by other members of the household. Of course, this is a stereotypical arrangement of forces, but the exceptions prove the rule.

• Family size. The fewer actors in the family, the stronger the struggle for the parent’s attention (especially if he was left alone after a divorce or loss of a spouse).

• Availability of individual space. The housing problem spoils not only adults. When children are small, even if circumstances permit, parents often do not separate them for a long time, believing that they are more fun and calm in a common space. However, at a certain point, difficulties arise, which over time will begin to manifest themselves in the form of skirmishes. Which is not surprising: spending the whole day in direct physical and emotional contact with a brother or sister, without being able to take a break from him/her, is a big burden on the child’s psyche.

• Personal characteristics of parents and their pedagogical attitudes. If a parent is not naturally reflective, not very attentive to his own feelings and the feelings of others, and if he is not well versed in issues of effective social interaction, teaching his children will be an unlikely task for him. The rule “start with yourself” works best in this case.

Knowing what factors influence the nature of the relationships between siblings growing up together, parents can choose the most appropriate ways for their family to develop the necessary social skills and abilities. And it’s better to start from early childhood, so that later you don’t have to resort to emergency measures to correct them, for example, if there is fierce competition among children in the family.

Discuss relationships

As a rule, even the most selfish girls need connection with their family. Therefore, there is always a chance to discuss problems. This is especially true in those families where there are adopted children or children from the first marriage of one of the spouses.

In such situations, you can often hear: “I hate stepsisters!” If there are such emotions, then you need to talk with the object of hatred and honestly admit your feelings and the reasons for their appearance. Perhaps, by opening your soul, you will be able to look at the situation differently and together find a way to solve the existing problems.

How rivalry is born

According to experts, a common reason for rivalry between children is a lack of parental attention.

• If rivalry has developed between younger family members, it means that one of them is experiencing a lack of support from parents, their attention and interest in the child’s life.
• If everything is clear with an open demonstration of competition (fights), then hidden manifestations of rivalry between children are hidden under mild behavioral violations, which are not always immediately correctly assessed by parents. This could be ridicule, name-calling, bickering, behavior inappropriate for one’s age (regression towards the younger one in order to receive the same privileges).

Since parents do not always see the true cause of such manifestations, it is difficult for them to influence them.

However, it is important to know that although the uncompromising and sometimes angry struggle of children brings chaos into the life of the family and interferes with their normal mental development, in a mild form such rivalry benefits the younger generation.

Thanks to it, children can, firstly, realize their needs and desires and express them openly, and secondly, train skills for successful interaction in society in psychologically favorable circumstances, when the first unsuccessful experiences do not lead to strong social frustration.

Stockholm syndrome

Sometimes the cause of painful love dependence on feelings for a brother can be the so-called Stockholm syndrome. That is, when a brother’s openly negative behavior and his aggressive attitude towards his sister, his beatings and regular rapes lead to the realization that you begin to love and justify your offender. This is a purely psychological deviation that cannot be eradicated in ordinary life by any words or arguments of reason; it requires the help of a specialist, his long and painstaking work. Only the intervention of a psychologist can help get rid of this abnormal addiction.

How parents can help children find common ground

In their dreams, all parents see children playing peacefully, but rivalry and conflicts accompany real childhood much more often.

In the struggle for the attention and love of their parents, as well as for the privileges that arise from the child’s status in the family, brothers and sisters sometimes cross boundaries: screaming, fighting, mutual humiliation, sabotage. Continuing throughout childhood, unhealthy competition leaves its mark on their subsequent emotional and social development. The task of parents is to maintain a healthy psychological climate in the family by teaching children to resolve conflicts peacefully.

1) How to help a child’s self-identification?

Typically, rivalry begins with the birth of the second child. The eldest, overthrown from the position of the only child adored by his parents, sees how much attention the new family member gets, and, of course, does not understand at all that this is justified by the complete helplessness of his brother or sister.

If adults are immersed in caring for the youngest family member and do not devote enough time and attention to the eldest, he may begin to feel jealous of his “competitor”, as well as emotionally distance himself from his parents, feeling resentful and experiencing his abandonment alone. All this affects his self-esteem and interferes with normal emotional development and the formation of the psyche. Ultimately, the child loses his understanding of his own importance, experiences difficulties with self-identification, and sometimes begins to seek and express himself in socially unfavorable situations.

To restore the older child’s peace of mind, it is important for parents to show him that he is still loved and significant. To do this, you can (but not necessarily!) involve him in caring for his brother or sister, read books to him, talk to him when the younger one is bathed or fed, but the most important thing is to set aside personal time to communicate with him, when next to you and between there is no one else with you. Only after receiving a portion of individual attention and parental love will the child find balance, which will serve as an impetus for development.

2) How to promote the socialization of the baby?

Relationships with siblings influence children's ability to form social connections with peers and find their place in a group of others. In essence, unhealthy competition is a lack of skills in behavior and positioning oneself in society, and without them, a child may feel social isolation in the children's group or become an object of bullying.

That’s why it’s so important to gain communication skills in the family - then it will be easier for the baby to find contact with other children.

As we have already said, the light competition between children, which they perceive at the level of play, helps to hone social skills, as it increases the number of reasons for interaction. It is important not to cross the line when this struggle turns from mild to violent. Children growing up in an atmosphere of love and cooperation will strive to resolve conflicts based on the social skills learned through relationships with their family members.

Different types

Psychologists often call one of the sisters “sonic” and the other “oral.” The first type is more closed. Such girls are silent and unemotional. They don't like loud conversations and can't stand it when someone swears or behaves too provocatively.

The “oral” type of temperament is the complete opposite. Such a sister will talk loudly, laugh, perhaps even make dirty jokes and swear. For her, her quiet sister is unpopular. In turn, the “sound” girl feels ashamed of her impudent relative. Although this is not often the reason why the younger sister hates the older one (or vice versa), sometimes even small things lead to negative emotions.

How to resolve conflicts and not create grounds for them

While sibling rivalry is common, if conflicts begin to disturb the peace in the family, it's time to stop wasting time and look at the root of the problem. Such competition can take on more complex and sophisticated forms as children grow and completely destroy relationships.

Effectively confronting conflicts not only leads to improved relationships between brothers and sisters and a healthier family atmosphere, but also takes children to a new, more mature level of emotional, psychological and social development.

What should parents do to ensure good relationships between their children?

1) Start from early childhood.

From the first day of the birth of your second and subsequent children, raise them to respect each other (and other household members), no matter what. A family is an environment where neither an adult nor a child can and should not experience psychological discomfort or be subjected to any form of violence, physical or emotional. Family members are support and moral support for each other, a refuge from the sometimes difficult social challenges of the external environment. Stop disrespectful and especially aggressive behavior as unacceptable.

2) Don't compare children.

Comparing one child with another is a sure way to incite hostility between them. Allow everyone to be themselves (however, within the limits of the rules established in the family), celebrate their good sides, praise them more for their achievements and scold them less for their mistakes.

• By acknowledging children's individual characteristics, none of which are prioritized by parents over others, you emphasize each child's uniqueness and value in the world.

• Don't single out one child. Often, it is the presence of a “favorite” that becomes the cause of children’s jealousy. Emphasize the uniqueness of each child. Show your baby how much you appreciate him by making time for him alone, but his brother or sister should get the same amount of attention.

• Respect everyone's characteristics and needs. When siblings are in close contact every day and see each other's differences, it creates fertile ground for mutual teasing. As a parent, you can reduce the frequency and severity of conflicts by recognizing each child's unique needs.

• Focus on the unique talents of each of your children to avoid potential clashes. For example, gifts for the New Year can be made based on the children’s personal hobbies (drawing, sports, etc.).

3) Ignore the unimportant.

If children bicker over trivial matters, no one's feelings are seriously hurt, and no one's rights are significantly infringed, ignore minor fights. This is the best thing you can do to encourage children to find their own ways of interacting with each other.

It may well be overlooked if, during a game, one of the children said to another: “You are a fool!” (this is more a figure of speech than a meaningful characteristic) - and a completely different reaction of yours will be appropriate in a situation where these words are spoken in response to the news of the bad mark your brother received on a test. Learn to distinguish real derogatory attitudes from insignificant emotional outbursts that have nothing behind them.

It is useless to prohibit quarrels and even light fights, otherwise the anger that could (and should) splash out on the enemy will be turned against its own owner.

Containing anger and resentment causes much more harm to the psyche than a slight squabble with a brother. For fights, rules can be established that will avoid injury and preserve the integrity of the surrounding space (kicks, hits to the head, and the use of heavy objects are absolutely excluded).

4) Use positive reinforcement.

One of the best teaching tools is positive reinforcement. This means that in raising a child, those behavioral acts that you would like to reinforce are encouraged. In your comments about the actions and self-expression of children, draw both your attention and their attention to the good that each of them manages to demonstrate. Focus only on the behavior that you want to reinforce, whether it concerns the cleanliness and order of the room or the patient attention of an older child to the younger child’s attempts to formulate an idea. Remember that the main function of your upbringing is to teach good things, and not to punish bad things.

5) Stay neutral.

Parents are required to remain calm and neutral. Any quarrel is a moment when adults can demonstrate restraint, self-control and competence in ways to establish peace in the family.

If a conflict has flared up, do not become emotionally or actively involved in its course until you begin to fear for its safe outcome. Let children find their own way out of difficult situations; they need to train their social skills for dealing with difficulties. Don't take sides. Never be the judge who resolves disputes, makes the final verdict and imposes punishment. Do not observe the conflict, go into privacy yourself or send quarreling children to another room.

6) Conduct a debriefing.

After the conflict, discuss with the participants their reasons, and also have each of them say whether he is satisfied with how the situation was resolved. Such a conversation should not take place until everyone is ready to express their arguments in a calm manner.

It is better if there are one more conversations than the number of conflicting parties, the last of which is for general discussion. When communicating face to face with each of the children, be an attentive listener, ask leading questions to help the child think about the situation and the line of his behavior in it now that passions have subsided.

Recognize the little person's right to experience the emotions that he experienced during and after a quarrel with his brother or sister. Ask what words you could say and how you would behave if you had time to think, instead of giving immediate vent to your emotions.

The final stage will be a general conversation, when the calmed participants will state their positions, listen to each other and come up with an “alternative ending” to the conflict, if in real life it did not end on a positive note. Working together to find a solution to a problem teaches children cooperation.

7) Encourage collaboration.

Encourage cooperation rather than competition. For example, when children need to put away toys before bed, have them compete not with each other, but with a stopwatch.

• In a situation of conflict, or rather, immediately after its end, you can also find a reason for cooperation: after the children take turns listening to each other, invite them to find a mutually beneficial solution together.

• Maintain healthy relationships between children. If they have disagreements, allow them to agree and find a solution that suits both.

• Teach children not only the art of negotiation and compromise, but also how to defend their positions with dignity. Help them agree on the rules of living together and, at first, monitor their mutual compliance. Once you see that they have mastered the basics of consensual and respectful community, let them go: they can go on alone.

• Teach to avoid confrontation. We are not talking about conflicts as such, but about cases when the situation could not have been brought to a conflict. Organize the day so that children have the opportunity to rest and recover separately from each other. Also, if they are aware of situations that are “explosive,” it would be reasonable not to provoke their brother or sister with their behavior.

Set limits.

It's hard to imagine family life without children's arguments, but setting boundaries and developing a set of rules can reduce the risk of disagreements turning into bitter squabbles and fights.

• Clearly define for yourself and convey to your children what you, as a parent, consider acceptable and what is unacceptable in relationships and behavior. Write down the rules on paper, let it be your family code. Mark in it all the situations that usually cause disagreements between children, with clear instructions on how to behave and what sanctions are imposed on the violator.

• Be consistent. Having set the boundaries of what is permitted, respect them. Punishments for violations of the rules must be specified in the charter, and these conditions must be fulfilled by all family members. If you have agreed to deprive the offender of the opportunity to continue playing or communicating for rough treatment of a brother or sister, take him to a room where he will actually be deprived of this opportunity. You won't have to repeat the same requirement a hundred times if children know in advance the consequences of inappropriate behavior and that it will not be ignored.

9) Teach self-control.

Teach children to control negative emotions so that they themselves do not fall under their power. Count to 10, breathe in your palms (reduces the flow of oxygen and increases the content of carbon dioxide in the blood, which has an inhibitory effect on the nervous system), take several slow and deep (from the stomach) breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, repeat “I am calm” or “ Everything is fine” - such techniques do not require effort and are extremely effective in stressful situations.

10) Offer a peaceful method.

Teach children positive ways to get each other's attention. Good manners extend beyond interactions with adults or table manners. Treating peers with respect is an important skill that will help children have many friends and playmates. Siblings are no exception here.

Offer peaceful options for splashing out negative energy, anger, irritation (beating a pillow, doing push-ups, doing squats, jogging). The other person is not responsible for the emotional wave that rises in us in response to his behavior.

We alone are responsible for which way of responding we choose, and the best guide here is the classic maxim “treat others the way you would like to be treated.”

Separating conflicting children in different corners (preferably in different rooms), allowing them to let off steam means not only preventing a serious complication of the clash, but also teaching them an acceptable expression of anger, that is, helping them develop the ability to self-control.

11) Be a role model.

Being in constant communication with their parents, children learn their ways of interacting with the environment, including the immediate and distant environment. The behavior strategies of adults in conflicts, which are inevitable in the life of any family, also do not escape their inquisitive eyes.

You cannot expect your children to follow rules that you do not follow yourself. As a parent, you are the best role model, especially when your child sees that acting a certain way will get you what you want.

The method you choose to achieve success will be learned by the child not only as the most effective, but also as acceptable. If you try to restore order in the children's room through shouting and threats of depriving them of their favorite toys, the baby will understand that the best option for resolving all issues is force and manipulation.

It is not enough to prevent children from exhibiting unacceptable behaviors; they must be taught socially accepted and approved ways of expressing themselves. To do this, you must own them yourself.

12) Maintain family rituals.

A Saturday lunch with the whole family, a Sunday trip to the museum, a trip to nature, or a visit to grandparents - you can come up with many rituals and traditions that support and strengthen family unity.

Make it a regular gathering at the table or on the sofa for casual communication, so that everyone can share the events of their lives, speak out on issues that concern them, and ask for advice. An intimate conversation and emotional support within the family shows each of its members, including children, its importance in the lives of loved ones.

Let each child express his opinion about the family situation in general and personal problems, if any. All those present must respect what has been said, do not interrupt when making comments, and calmly wait for their turn.

At such meetings, rules can be established and, if necessary, adjusted. In terms of relationships between brothers and sisters, it is important to stipulate (or better yet, write down) clear boundaries of behavior that cannot be crossed (calling names, teasing, sneaking around, taking other people’s things without permission) under any circumstances.

13) Protect friendship and love.

As children grow, teach them to develop and maintain warm and trusting relationships. This can be very difficult at times, such as during adolescence, but lessons learned in early childhood about respect will help a child get through this period without relationship drama.

Don’t forget to show your love and involvement to your growing (or already grown) children: with age, people become less vulnerable, but this does not mean that they cease to need warmth from loved ones.

14) Everyone should have their own space.

All family members should have their own individual space, whether it is a separate room (or at least part of it) or a time when everyone, both a child and an adult, can be alone.

Organize a personal space in the house for each child - give him, if not a whole room, then at least a personal corner in a common room: this could be a table for games, a loft bed, a chest of drawers, a shelving unit or a house with his favorite toys - whatever you need you have enough imagination and “square meters”. Ask your children what rules they would like to set for this space, and share them with other family members.

We are talking about personal boundaries, the violation of which often leads to conflicts in relationships, and children are no exception.

How to Set Boundaries

When you teach your child how to respect other people's boundaries and set their own, you are laying a strong foundation for their ability to form adequate social connections with others. How to help children set boundaries?

• Explain to younger family members that each person has personal boundaries. They include everything that we consider “ours”: the body, some things, toys, room, house, immediate environment, children’s group, etc. Let all the children take turns telling what is “theirs” for them, what they ready to share with brothers and sisters and what not.
• To help the youngest children understand physical boundaries, a simple exercise is suitable: sit on the floor, spread your arms in different directions, imagine yourself in a bubble. Perhaps this space will be too large or too small - try several options until you find the optimal and most psychologically comfortable one. This is personal territory, and its boundaries cannot be violated by loved ones, even in play, unless the child allows this himself. Children must understand and be prepared for the fact that their space will be subject to daily inspection by both family members and the wider environment. In some cases this is completely acceptable and even encouraged (playing together in the sandbox), in others it is not (own bed in kindergarten, which no other child should sit on). Throughout life, the boundaries will narrow and expand, this is normal, but it is important for the child to understand where they should be so that he does not experience anxiety.
• Discuss with your child not only physical (bubble), but also other personal boundaries - sensory, emotional, psychological. For example, for one of the children, the tone and pitch of a mother’s or sister’s voice may seem too high and ringing, so that there is a desire to cover their ears, while dad and brother, on the contrary, speak so low and muffled that they have to strain and listen. Another child may not like being touched and hugged often. The third does not like the ironic and playful style of communication of his older brother, as he reads a slight grin in him. All these seemingly little things create the background and atmosphere in which children build their communication and social connections with their immediate and distant surroundings. Helping them see their personal boundaries means teaching them to understand themselves and build normal relationships with others.
• Use stories from books, movies, and cartoons to talk with children about character boundaries, when they think they were violated, and what happened. Your son or daughter will be able to give several examples from the life of children's groups that he or she attends (kindergarten, school, section).
• Remind children of boundaries and draw the child's attention to cases of non-compliance. When the limits of what is acceptable and the rules of behavior are defined in a family, play and communication stop if someone's space is violated. Respect for another, recognition of his rights and personal boundaries is the basis for building healthy relationships with people.

Relationships with siblings are an important part of children's social and emotional development. By communicating and playing with each other, they learn to establish, improve and maintain contacts, compromise, negotiate, and look for mutually beneficial ways to resolve conflicts.

Warm, sincere, close relationships with relatives are extremely important to us. Siblings are our family tree, part of the history of the family, part of ourselves. They, no less than our parents, determine whether we grow up to be attentive, sensitive, understanding, open to communication and ready to provide emotional support to other people or not. They make us who we are.

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A few paradoxes

There are two ways to look at every situation. There are many pros and cons to having a sister. The paradox is that advantages easily and simply turn into disadvantages. For example, you have access to your sister's closet. It’s great, because at any moment you can have a new thing! But similarly, at any moment you yourself can lose something in your wardrobe. After all, your sister can also borrow your clothes, and it’s not a fact that she will return them soon.