- October 9, 2018
- Psychology of Personality
- Ekaterina Grigorieva
The desire to step away from the daily routine and hide in the “shell” of loneliness is increasingly beginning to consume millions of people. However, not everyone understands the reasons for this phenomenon, perceiving it as an obvious pathology. But this is a completely normal desire, even if you have children, a husband and friends. But not everyone understands when you want to be alone. They take it personally, without considering your moral state. This article will help two types of people understand the situation at once: those who are looking for loneliness and those who want to understand the reasons for such behavior from another person.
Wake up before everyone else
Moments when it seems that not only the whole house, but also the whole city is sleeping, give a very special feeling. If you can practice waking up early, you can exchange an extra hour of sleep for a feeling of peace, tranquility, the ability to tune in to the coming day and start it with some positive practice - yoga, meditation, reading, self-care, or leisurely enjoying a cup of coffee. The likelihood that you will be interfered with is reduced to zero.
Let's talk about personality types
There are several types of people who perceive the world around them differently. Each of them has special needs. As you know, there are introverts and extroverts. And in system-vector psychology, people can be divided into four types. Each of them has its own characteristics:
- The first category includes people who love comfort and silence, who need to think about the “high” and constantly answer questions directed at themselves. If there is no such way out, it becomes possible to either disconnect from what is happening, withdrawing, or repeat more often how you want to be alone, without implying alienation from the family, but only the desire to retire and relax for a while. Such people are called sound people.
- The second type is quite emotional. He tends to be the center of attention and loves fun. Such people are called extroverts, who belong to the visual type. And if he is faced with the first option, when the moment of “influx” occurs, then a misunderstanding arises between the parties.
- The third type does not like monotony. He needs fresh impressions. Meeting the first option complements this type. However, when the phrase “I want to be alone” appears, he suspects that the relationship is losing interest, jealousy and aggression appear instead of understanding. Such people are called tactile or “skin people.”
- The fourth type combines the characteristics of extroverts and introverts. It is most difficult for them to determine their desires. After all, thoughts are chaotic and illegible, fickle, thereby causing the need to be alone, and at the same time remain in the center of events.
Create a personal corner and agree on the time when you will be there
Those who had to work from home during quarantine have already realized how valuable even a tiny piece of personal space is. But it’s not just about work: each of us sometimes needs a place where we can quietly read, talk on the phone, scroll through social media pages, or do any other thing, knowing that your family won’t distract you over trifles.
Create such a corner for yourself, at least for a few hours a day. Tell your loved ones that you need peace and ask them not to disturb you for a while. In turn, they should also have the right to organize their own “non-office hours”.
Why is there such a need?
It’s not surprising that sometimes you have a burning desire to escape from this planet to a quiet place. But doing it is not so easy. After all, misunderstanding on the part of loved ones only worsens the situation. Having declared their desire, others perceive it as a personal reproach. They begin to press you with phrases like, you don’t love me; well, that’s it, I was offended, etc. In fact, the desire for peace and quiet is connected with deeper reasons that lie inside a person, determining his character.
Without realizing the emerging need for solitude, a person begins to suffer. Psychological disorders, headaches, and lack of joy occur. If you don't give yourself a day off, you can go crazy. Everyone has the right to personal space and solitude, regardless of social status, which is quite natural. For example, let's take new mothers who often want to be alone because they are tired of the household routine, and this does not characterize them in a bad way. On the contrary, resting alone is only beneficial.
Practice
Playing sports is quite a way to be alone and get the maximum benefit from it. This is the time when you can concentrate on your body and its capabilities. In addition, physical activity is a great stress reliever.
Such a different kind of loneliness
Sometimes people are mistaken in the correct formulation of their desires, saying that they need time to be alone. Relatives are offended without realizing it.
It is important to correctly explain what exactly you need in order to be understood. For example, your job involves constant communication. It’s understandable that when you get home you want to be silent. Just sit in silence or look out the window. And those close to you want to talk, spend time with you, etc. Don’t think that your desire to distance yourself from your loved ones is some kind of pathology or problem. Just try to explain clearly that you are tired and want to relax in silence. You will see for yourself that after a moral reboot, strength and spiritual harmony will return to you.
Sometimes a person consciously tries on the mask of a loner, suffering from it. This role has few advantages. When you isolate yourself from people, you create the impression of uselessness. When in reality everything is completely different. But the person does not see this and withdraws into himself. This condition is dangerous for psychological health.
Take a bath
Loneliness is a good reason to stretch your beauty routine. The bathroom is often the only place in the house that won't be broken into without your permission, and it's worth taking advantage of. Make time for water procedures in advance and warn everyone at home about this. Take a fragrant bath, listen to music, think about your well-being, your immediate plans and desires.
Information hunger strike
Information hunger, when there is no supply of external information, is very necessary for both physical and mental health of a person.
We need to interact with the environment, this is very important, without it we would not be full-fledged people. But it turns out that in order for the same information to enter us productively, we need to create an information vacuum, a rest for the psyche and brain, during which the entire system is rebooted.
It's like on a computer. When it starts to freeze under a very heavy load, only a reboot saves it and restores further performance. And as mentioned above, the load on the psyche and brain is really very high for all of us.
An analogy can also be drawn with therapeutic fasting.
Without food we will die. But it is precisely the treatment of hunger that is a very powerful means of healing the body, cleansing it of toxins, and getting rid of many diseases that official medicine cannot cope with.
But for therapeutic fasting to be beneficial, it must be done correctly.
Also, an information hunger strike needs to be carried out in doses, competently, to know what it is and what can happen.
During solitude, loneliness, there is no external information, and then internal information begins to come out.
If a person is developed, as already mentioned, he begins to process this internal information, comprehend something, reflect on something, and engage in creativity. If bad thoughts and emotions begin to creep into his head, then he more or less intuitively knows how to work with them. He is not afraid of them, analyzes why he feels bad, and tries to find a way out of difficult situations. This way he cleanses the subconscious and processes all external information received during the day.
An undeveloped or weak-willed person does not know what to do; he is afraid of the release of subconscious material. Therefore, you need to know what to do during solitude.
Usually there is simply not enough awareness; you need to know how to turn it on.
Long special solitude with information starvation is a very powerful method that has always been used in many systems of human self-development. The practice of seclusion, leaving people in caves for a long time, voluntary confinement in a limited space. A month, two, a year, three years. For many this seems very strange. But a person who passed such a special test became a very strong, wise, spiritually developed person, capable of amazing things. Long-term cleansing of the psyche and consumption of internal energy only for the needs of the body turns an ordinary person into a superman.
Of course, the practitioner underwent special training and knew how to work with his psyche.
Special solitude, loneliness for a long time, is a powerful method, but also dangerous without correct understanding, basic awareness or a competent mentor. It is unlikely to suit the average person.
For us, the best thing is short-term, dosed solitude, but carried out frequently, preferably every day. With this approach, there will also be a restoration of the body, a reboot of the brain, a return of strength and energy, which will be enough to gradually restore health and at least feel a little taste of happiness. And for most people it is impossible to be alone for a long time, because unprocessed mental material will begin to come out and you need to be able to work with it.
Modern psychological research on human information isolation has shown very interesting features. During loneliness, a person’s subconscious begins to emerge. And people cannot stay in this state for a long time, they simply do not know what to do about it.
Studies have also shown that modern people, brought up on computer technologies, cannot stand even a short-term hunger for information and cannot be alone. All this speaks of human degradation, strong information contamination, and contamination of the subconscious. Scientific and technological progress develops the mind, but depresses the soul.
The soul needs solitude and information hunger. After all, only during loneliness the mind calms down, energy is no longer wasted on it, energy is redistributed to the body and soul. The body gets healthier. The soul also becomes healthier and gains energy for creativity. A person develops: creativity, intuition, and the ability to better understand the world around him come.
True understanding comes with intuition, with imaginative thinking, with a vision from above of several tasks at once. From the point of view of quantum physics, this is the recoherence of consciousness, which comes with the development of the soul.
And the development of one brain without a soul leads to decoherence, to one-sided, robotic, soulless thinking. We can say that we are turning into robots who do not know what human happiness is.
So practice special solitude so as not to forget about your soul.
Take a separate vacation
Lilia, 25 years old
Do I feel nostalgic for the time when I was single? I wouldn't call it melancholy, more like an impulse, like the desire to eat chocolate ice cream.
Being in a relationship is very different from living a single life. Every evening I come home from work to my husband, wake up with him, and talk to him every day. You can't just go and do whatever you want. If you want to buy a car, discuss it with another person. If you're planning to update your furniture, talk to your partner about it. Any action is a discussion. Yes, you are still an individual, but every event in life requires teamwork.
On the one hand, it brings a lot of peace and comfort when you go through all the difficulties with someone. But sometimes I have a desire to not have any connections and be responsible only for myself.
Once a year we both take separate vacations for at least two weeks. During this time, we pretend to be lonely and agree that we will not communicate with each other at all. Although we usually still break the silence ahead of schedule.
Interpersonal interaction
“... there is no method against crowbar, but besides other crowbar...”
It has been noticed that if a person feels loneliness, then one should not tolerate it. Emergency measures aimed at interpersonal contact are needed. Let's consider two options:
- A person has already built relationships, has friends and relatives, but he has fallen into the “paws” of loneliness. In this case, it is necessary to understand well what happened. What need remains unsatisfied? Without understanding what exactly causes the experience, it is unlikely that the problem can be solved. At the same time, with loneliness comes wisdom in decisions. High-quality contact with loved ones helps symptomatically. Family, children, relatives have a very beneficial effect on the process of social rehabilitation.
- If we are talking about someone who has no close relationships at all. Here, on the contrary, you need to start by at least going to crowded places where you can simply watch others. A walk in the park will definitely have a beneficial effect on your general physical condition and emotional background. Next you need to start communicating with others - close contacts heal. Team sports (volleyball, rounders, mini-football, streetball) will undoubtedly help the individual to liberate themselves through a healthy spirit of competition. There is no too close contact here. But by playing together, we have a common value, a goal.
Loneliness usually goes away when you are able to say to someone: “I’m very lonely, stay with me.” Even such a simple phrase can do a lot. It shows that the individual needs the help of society. She cannot climb out of the abyss of confusion on her own.
