He was not there in difficult times, did not support when necessary, did not live up to trust and hopes... If something like this happened between us, the one whom we considered a friend becomes a traitor. And disappointment can be very painful. But the friend was clearly counting on a different relationship.
“Friendship is built on an implied agreement that it should bring mutual benefit or pleasure,” writes philosopher Helge Svare. “When one of the parties feels that this agreement is not being fulfilled, they become frustrated.”
And yet: it was we who treated the other incorrectly, considered him a friend, “and suddenly he turned out to be...”, or maybe the other was not going to be what he seemed to us?
“The idea that there are real friends who will never let you down, and false ones who skillfully hide their true essence, is based on our fantasies,” says the philosopher. - And therefore one-sided and infantile. We are all flawed, which means we can disappoint others.”
Therefore, before judging, it is worth asking yourself a few questions. Has a friend often failed to meet my expectations? Are there circumstances that might explain his behavior? Am I expecting too much from him? Am I confident that I always behave impeccably towards him? Such a conversation with yourself will allow you to realize your part of responsibility - after all, relationships are always built by two people.
It is important to understand how easily we can call an acquaintance a friend. Perhaps we're just... in a hurry? In order to get to know each other, learn to accept the positive and negative in another, quarrel with him and put up with disappointments, without ceasing to be friends, it takes time.
“At the same time, we should not forget that there are several degrees of proximity,” reminds sociologist Jen Yager. A friend can be someone we meet occasionally for coffee or someone we see every day. With some friends we discuss books, films, plays, and with others we share our most intimate things.
Jen Yager has been researching friendships for almost thirty years. She believes that different types of friendship differ in the degree of closeness (buddies, close or best friends), and offers her analysis of the conscious and unconscious connections that define relationships.
What are friends like?
Unfortunately, the modern world dictates rules regarding not only behavior in society, but also communication with those closest to you. But are we really surrounded by people worthy of being called true friends?
Friends are those with whom we share our joys and sorrows, ups and downs. These are those who know a lot about us, but don’t tell anyone.
Friends are people who are close to us not because of family ties, but because of friendship. We call comrades those whom we trust and with whom we feel comfortable. These are those who will not give up in difficult times and, no matter what, will be there.
What a true friend shouldn't be like
Think about what qualities you dislike most in people? These are the qualities that a friend should not have. Although a person can be cynical, but at the same time very kind. Weak-willed, but very interesting to talk to. Not very smart, but reliable.
So negative (at first glance) qualities also have their advantages.
Based on the experience of many people, we can say with confidence: “A friend is made over time.” If your friendship has gone through many stages of life, you have had a spoke in your wheels, you were able to survive “fire, water and copper” pipes, but still remain friends - this is a real friendship that must be treasured, because now it is such a rarity...
Main types
There are several such types, so let's determine which one your friend belongs to.
- Senior friend. Communication with older people is often a pleasure. In addition, they will always help and give valuable advice.
- Adviser. Such a person will always listen and give advice, but never abuse his kindness and responsiveness.
- Friends of the opposite sex. Oddly enough, such relationships exist. Women and men can even discuss things that they wouldn’t talk about with their best friend. You should always listen to the advice given by this person.
- Childhood friends. Acquaintance at school often develops into a strong and long friendship. Even if you don’t see each other for a long time, the relationship will not fade away. When you meet, it will seem as if there was no separation.
- Gossip. Such a person wants to be friends with everyone, but his friendship is rather strange. Instead of keeping your secret, he will tell everyone about it. It’s better not to communicate with such people.
- Party animal. This friend will be with you as long as you participate in fun activities.
- Freeloader. He is friends with you as long as it benefits him.
- A whining pessimist. For him, you are a “vest” in which you can always cry. It should be noted that your problems and experiences are indifferent to him.
- A failed lover. Your friendship lasts until he's in a relationship, but once he's in a relationship, everything changes.
Look around and see what type your best friend is.
Buddy
“Friendship is a typical type of relationship for many busy men and women who prefer to spend their free time with family and not waste energy on friends,” explains Jen Yager. A friend is more than just an acquaintance, but less than a close friend: in such a relationship there is less intimacy and trust.
A friend can also be called a “good acquaintance” with whom it’s a good idea to spend time, relax, play sports, go to the movies or exhibitions, discuss work matters... You can be friends with him alone or join him in the company of other friends. As a rule, friendly relationships develop quickly; friends are united by similarities of views and common interests.
We have a right to expect
Goodwill, reciprocal assistance in simple matters, a positive attitude (approval of one’s decisions and actions).
Reasons for distance or rupture
Over time, interests diverge more and more.
Moving or transferring to another job, gossip, intrigue, withholding information, lack of reciprocity in providing assistance.
How to identify a true comrade?
Best friends are those people who have the following qualities:
- Forgiveness. There is no place for pride and stubbornness in friendship, so you should learn to forgive.
- Honesty. To maintain trust in each other, you must be completely honest.
- Accepting flaws. Remember that all people are made up of positive and negative qualities.
- Humor. This quality is very important, since different situations happen in life.
- Reliability. A person who knows about all your secrets and keeps them must be protected. There are very few of them, unfortunately.
- Devotion. You must prove your loyalty every day - this is the only way to become a true friend.
- The ability to listen. To achieve mutual understanding, you need to learn to listen, and not just talk.
- Respect. The duration of your friendship depends on it.
- Support. This is perhaps the most important thing in friendship. Friends are needed to support you at the right time.
- Care. A friend is not only a person with whom it is easy. He must, when the situation requires it, show concern.
How to find a true friend
It is impossible to find it just like that, out of nowhere. Most often, true friendships begin in childhood and adolescence. The basis of such friendship is the habit and time spent together, many memories, advents, and years during which this very friendship managed to grow stronger and was tested more than once. In this case, a woman’s friend can be either the same sex or the opposite sex.
Sometimes friends come on their own, as a result of some event, happy or sad. It seems that you are already an adult and self-sufficient person, accustomed to relying only on yourself... and then one day, that person appears on whom you can always rely, he will share with you all the hardships of life and you can be sure that this friendship is real. The events and situations that may result in you having a friend in adulthood can be completely different.
For example:
A woman can find a true friend at work. When people work side by side, they learn a lot and become closer. They may have common interests - they feel good together as friends, regardless of the friend’s gender.
In many online games, communication is possible - through chat, voice messages, private correspondence. As a result of interesting communication, friendships can first develop on the Internet, and then people can meet and begin to be truly friends in real life.
Many women have some interests and hobbies, as a result of which they can find a true friend who is engaged in the same activity.
Emergency situations are also no exception. A woman may get into an accident or any other emergency situation. And she is helped by a stranger who can later become a true friend.
The situations considered are just an example of how friends come into our adult lives. Situations may differ, but the essence is the same - people find each other. What guides their actions and feelings - fate, higher powers or a sense of predisposition - is not known. But one thing is clear - you can find a true friend at any age.
Holiday
Friendship served as the reason for creating a holiday on an international scale. Friends Day serves as an excellent occasion to remind loved ones of their importance in our lives. Of course, the date is unofficial, and few people know about it, but perhaps the situation will soon change for the better.
Friends Day is celebrated on June 9th. Don't forget to congratulate your close comrades on this day. Even if the celebration is unofficial for now, it is a reason to please each other once again.
Now you know who a friend is and how to distinguish him from the whole mass of acquaintances. Just remember that you can’t have too many friends, or rather, there are, but whether they are all real is the question. It is very difficult to go through life alone, so it is important that comrades are present in it. They will always support and help you if necessary. If you have a person who has all of the above qualities, he is your best friend and is not communicating with you for his own benefit. Appreciate him and treasure him.
Boundaries of Friendship
“Friendship is friendship...” - we all know this proverb. And she's quite fair. Where are the limits of friendship and are there any at all? What do we expect from our friends? It is quite obvious that friendship is somewhere between “barely knowing each other” and self-sacrifice for a friend. Where is your friendship, what do you expect from your friend and what are you willing to do for your friends?
It is obvious that extremes in the form of self-sacrifice or sacrifice to those dearest are rarely relevant. You wouldn’t offer your wife or husband to a friend if necessary, would you? (Although this also happens).
This all means that in any friendship there will definitely be topics that are not appropriate to discuss, or something else that you are not ready to share with your friend.
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In Vasmer Max's dictionary
I I., see friend. II II., b. n. friend, pl. friends (from the other Russian collection of friends, along with the names of many friends - Sobolevsky, RFV 22, 303), Ukrainian. friend, senior slav. droug φίλος (Klots., Supr.), Bulgarian. friend, Serbohorvian friend, Slovenian drȗg, Czech, Slavic druh, Old Polish drug. Related Lit. draũgas “companion, comrade”, Litv. dràugs, Old Prussian draugiwaldūnen wines n. “co-heir”, other isl. draugr (poet.) "husband" (Holthausen, Awn. Wb. 39), Goth. driugan στρατεύειν, English. dréogan “to accomplish, to achieve”, Goth. gadraúhts στρατιώτης, d.-v.-s. trucht “squad of warriors, retinue”, d.-v.-n. truhtîn “military leader, prince”, lit. sudrugti "to join"; see Bernecker 1, 230 et seq.; Trautman, Apr. Sprd. 322 et seq.; BSW 59; Thorpe 214; M. – E. 3, 492; Frenkel, BSpr. 109. This does not directly include (contrary to Translation 1, 198) lat. drungus “squad”, Middle Greek. δροῦγγος “detachment” from Old Irish. drong “crowd, squad”; see Walde - Hofm. 1, 374 et seq. •• (See also Trubachev, Term. Kinship, p. 172. – T.)
Ways to find close friends
Close friends are usually made while studying at school, college or university. This relationship needs to be maintained. But if you haven’t found anyone dear during this time, then the following ways to make acquaintances may be suitable. You should:
- attend thematic events, exhibitions and clubs;
- learn to actively communicate and be the first to engage in dialogue when the opportunity arises;
- participate more actively in dialogues on some forum or in a social network group;
- communicate more often with colleagues to find out if there might be a closest friend among them;
- organize friendships with neighbors in your apartment, house, or dacha, if the age difference is not critical;
- force yourself to go for walks or out into the world;
- go on a trip - it’s best to go on a bus tour or cruise, where there are more reasons to communicate;
- meet friends, acquaintances, relatives.
Having met an interesting interlocutor, you should demonstrate your readiness to continue communication. It is unacceptable to impose. If there is a feeling that the interest is mutual, it is appropriate to leave a business card, phone number or ask to be added as a “friend” on social networks.
You can’t disappear from sight of the person you like for a long time. A few days after meeting you, you should remind yourself with a call, SMS, or message on the Internet. After a while, you should initiate a joint trip somewhere. IN
In the Dictionary of Synonyms
(girlfriend), buddy, well-wisher, (good) friend, confidant, sworn brother, brother, ally, comrade, friend, sidekick, sidekick; amateur; friends-buddies, who is with whom (friends, is friendly, is on friendly terms), as if the devil tied someone with a string; do not spill water, friend, beloved, corefan, kentyara, classmate, lada, lads, friend-buddy, dear, friend, loved one, dear, champion, zealot, follower, root, bosom friend, sitny friend, co-worker, boyfriend, comrade , dear, beloved, lace, friend, beloved, kunak, flak, benefactor, bosom, brother, semi-friend, brother, unravelable, old man, welcome, follower, old man, sweetheart, kent, supporter, friend
Best friends on Instagram: who sees
Your list of close friends on Instagram is available only to you. Third-party users will never know about users from it, and even more so will not be able to see the content that you share with them. You can add and remove users from the list every day, and no one will even know about it.
Notifications about being added to “close” do not arrive. This is a completely anonymous list. Third-party services also do not see this information. Therefore, do not believe promises like “We will reveal lists of close friends for 200 rubles,” these are scammers.
