- May 12, 2019
- Psychology of Personality
- Epifantseva Anna
In human relationships, it is very important to feel the fine lines. People without a sense of tact easily turn caring for a loved one into obsession in a relationship. The need to meet, see and hear those who are dear to you is natural. But excessive obsession is a destructive force if it is embodied uncontrollably and unconsciously.
About the syndrome
Obsession syndrome is understood as the emergence in a person of certain ideas or actions that are foreign to him and from which he is unable to get rid of. As a result of struggling with such phenomena, a person becomes exhausted and experiences irritation. For example, having met a black cat on the road, a person who needs treatment for obsessions will turn back and lock himself in the apartment, believing that something terrible will now happen, according to popular belief. To get rid of this illness, psychotherapy is used in combination with antidepressants.
Types of obsessions
The basis of obsessive behavior is made up of intrusive thoughts (obsessions) - drives, fears, memories, doubts, which cannot be gotten rid of or ignored.
Below are the types of obsessive disorders:
– fears (fear of failure), people may feel insecure in their abilities: to fall asleep, to speak safely in public, to be intimately successful, to wake up on time, fear of crying in public, blushing.
– doubts represented by uncertainty in fidelity, or in general in the ability to perform various operations (close the tap, turn off the gas, iron, lock the door), people enslaved by such doubts check many times whether they have completed a certain manipulation;
– phobias characterized by the widest range of manifestations: from fear of flying, fear for loved ones, fear of drawing attention to one’s own person, fear of heights, darkness, death to fear of getting sick (syphilophobia, heart attack phobia, cardiophobia, cancer phobia);
– annoying images, thoughts that are constantly present in the head and contradict a person’s vital morality (for example, obscene thoughts and shameless images among respectable citizens, blasphemous thoughts among clergy);
– annoying memories that have an unpleasant connotation and arise contrary to a person’s wishes;
- actions that consist of repeated repetition of movements against the will (adjusting hair, closing eyes, tugging at clothes, licking lips, grimacing, rearranging objects, immeasurable constant putting things in order, repeatedly washing hands);
– persistent urges, manifested by an uncontrollable urge to read something, count, bite nails, pull out a hair or a hangnail.
The main feature of all obsessions is the absence of a rational component underneath. Frequent causes of obsessions are lack of sleep, overwork, some mental disorders, head injuries, asthenia, and infectious diseases. Also, often the occurrence of the described syndrome can be caused by an overly harsh religious upbringing, an instilled craving for purity or perfectionism. Obsessiveness syndrome in children can often occur as a result of unfavorable family conditions, increased mental and physical stress, poor relationships with peers, loss of a loved one or divorce, and can also be genetically determined.
In a relationship
This phenomenon is most common in human relationships. Men often demonstrate their obsession, sometimes without realizing it. In an effort to get attention from the chosen one, they may evaluate her silence in response to their steps somewhat differently, not as things are in reality, not realizing that they are indifferent to the chosen one.
They start bombarding her with messages and calls without waiting for a response. Such actions often, on the contrary, repel the girl from the annoying gentleman.
How to fight?
- You need to calm down and try to accept the situation. It is important to realize that men and women have some psychological differences. The need for intensity of communication is also individual for everyone. You can’t lose yourself in your partner and live only for him: reduce the number of SMS and phone calls, let your other half breathe. Instead of imposing your company on your loved one, do something of your own: a new hobby, meeting with friends.
- Consider your partner's wishes. You shouldn’t object and try to go together if your husband suddenly wants to go hunting or fishing this weekend. Wish him a good time and relax yourself. You can meet with friends or visit your parents. Understand that such a short separation will only benefit your relationship. The husband will return filled with new energy and emotions. Just don’t need to meticulously ask him upon arrival what happened there and how.
- Wait for a response. Imagine you are playing catch. You have taken one step, that is, throwing the ball, and to continue the game you need to wait for the ball to be thrown back. According to the rules, you cannot throw balls at your partner, this is already an obsession. Yes, and there is only one ball. Invited to take a walk and wait. The answer may be delayed for various reasons: the person is busy, sick, or not ready to communicate. This must be respected.
- Don't blame yourself. If a partner has lost interest, then the relationship cannot be saved by obsession. It's not your fault that other people's feelings faded away. It is also impossible to force love. You will only embarrass yourself by imposing your company. It is also worth understanding that not all people are ready for marriage or a serious relationship. Therefore, it is better to learn to recognize signs of loss of interest in advance. This could be rudeness or constant disregard for your feelings and desires. It is better to end such relationships yourself.
- Agree on some kind of conventional sign that should stop you when crossing borders. This could be, for example, the phrase “I’m busy.” These words should show that it’s time for you to stop active actions and give your partner a little freedom: don’t call or write until he gets in touch.
How to learn to build personal boundaries
About the signs
Obsession is a phenomenon that is expressed in constant control over the object of attention. An annoying individual may constantly wonder who called his other half and get angry when she spends time apart. These characteristics will manifest themselves in constant jealousy and fear of loneliness. Sometimes such an individual isolates himself from the rest of society, becoming completely fixated on one person. All this one day leads to a breakup, when the other half simply does not want to experience such stress anymore.
For people with a sense of tact, the absence of a response to their step towards a person will be a sign to stop. Having taken a step, you should wait for a response. And only if it does, does it make sense to do the next one.
But for people with obsessiveness problems, it happens differently. They can storm their partner with a flurry of steps towards them, not noticing that he has been responding for a long time, and if he responds, it is very sluggish. An obsessive person may think that the problem is not with him, but this is often a big misconception. No one needs people who are completely conquered, and this applies to both sexes.
Most of all, people value self-sufficient individuals who have their own space and respect their own personality. Such people are passionate about their world and do not try to break down all the doors of someone else in order to fill their life with them. They are so interested in themselves that there is simply no need for it. The paradox is that such people attract those around them, who may never get into this world.
How can you get rid of persecution without offending?
First of all, the interlocutor needs to carefully hint that he is slightly overstepping the boundaries and is too imposing his views. There are two ways to do this:
- smoothly change the topic of conversation and repeat this trick every time the interlocutor becomes obsessive again;
- try to shift the conversation to some general topic in which there is no opportunity to advise or express a personal opinion.
If these methods do not help, then move on to the next step: show your interlocutor that he is annoying and annoying with his behavior. Behave as tactfully as possible; you should not immediately be rude or say that the person annoyed you with his presence.
Try the following methods:
- Depending on the place of communication, set a deadline for ending the meeting. Specify the time of your or his departure. For example, say that you have a visit to the sports club in an hour. You can simulate receiving a phone call or message, thereby justifying your quick departure.
- Stock up on a set of polite excuses that will help you get rid of unpleasant communication as quickly as possible in such situations.
- You can agree with your friends to save you from an annoying interlocutor under the pretext of urgent matters.
- If he still doesn’t understand that they are already tired of him, he needs to say so directly. For example: “Sorry, we started talking, I have to go”
Examples of obsession
Obsessiveness often manifests itself in typical life situations. So, if a girl and a guy agreed to meet, the man can ask again every hour: “Is everything okay? I'll see you in the evening?". It makes no sense to constantly disturb your partner with questions and messages. It is important to note your partner's reaction before writing or suggesting anything.
This is the difference between an annoying and persistent suitor, the lack of understanding of which men so often complain. A persistent person monitors his partner’s reactions and, based on them, builds his further behavior. The annoying one simply, without noticing anything, begins to cause discomfort to his partner.
And messages and calls can begin from the first minutes of communication: several dozen of them can arrive, remaining unanswered, they can only multiply. Often, obsessive men from the very first seconds begin to make demands and talk about their grievances that the woman minds her own business and does not answer him, the sun-faced one. When faced with such a phenomenon, you need to be aware that this is a negative sign that characterizes a person as a very dependent person.
Very often, an obsessive man tries to evoke pity: “I thought I had met my fate, but you can’t even answer. What should I do!". Sometimes the same individual can refer to illness, fainting and poor condition, thereby trying to provoke pity and attract attention to his person. It's a son game, but do you need a man as a son?
Often this form of communication ends with the woman being persecuted by her partner. Clinging, he will do everything possible to keep the woman close to him, even against her will. There are a great many such cases: installing a surveillance program, tracking down your partner everywhere. This term is called “stalking”. Often these actions have a very depressing effect on the victim, because a man who has literally gone crazy behaves inappropriately and can follow the victim for months, in rare cases attacking her.
In civilized Western countries, “stalking” is considered a criminal offense, and such individuals are sent to prison. In the Russian Federation, it has not yet been recognized as a criminal offense. Therefore, when entering into a relationship with a person who shows signs of obsession, you should think about whether you need this?
If such a phenomenon has already begun, the only way out is to completely ignore it. If obsession already violates security boundaries, you need to involve family and friends, contact the police, and make all the actions of the obsessive person public. Usually such men are afraid of using force.
Contrasting obsessions in OCD
The deviation in question as such is difficult for a person, but its most painful variation is considered to be contrasting obsessions - the so-called “cracking” thoughts.
Obsessiveness in psychiatry or obsessive-compulsive syndrome is the constantly recurring presence of intrusive thoughts, impulses or images of an unwanted nature (obsessions), as well as repeated actions that are necessary for patients to perform (compulsions) in order to relieve or reduce anxiety generated by obsessions
The described disorder is more common among the fair sex than among men.
Contrasting obsessions are ideas or thoughts that appear for no reason and that conflict with a person’s moral principles. For example, there may be a strong desire to kill or injure the interlocutor, harm an animal, or a desire for suicide.
Moreover, such obsessions do not indicate imbalance or aggressiveness of the individual. A person himself is afraid of such thoughts, and he has no true desire to harm anyone. Contrasting obsessions are a kind of marker that marks those situations that an individual considers asocial and inappropriate.
Another variant of such obsessions can be perverted and blasphemous thoughts. As symptoms recur and the disorder escalates, secondary fears are formed due to the fear of such ideas. This is a fear of heights, sharp objects, fear of open windows, stairwells.
Contrasting obsessions never materialize. They are called contrasting because they form a contrast between a person’s true attitudes and obsessive images.
The signs of the considered variation of obsessions are:
– undesirability (a person does not want their presence in his representation of the world);
– unacceptability (bothering images are always associated with unacceptable ideas for the individual);
– uncontrollability (a person is unable to resist such thoughts; they independently invade his inner space).
Contrasting obsessions can be relieved only with the help of a special action, for example, biting your lip or, if desired, hitting your interlocutor.
Let's enjoy the present and worry less in vain
If you want to know how not to be obsessive, change your way of thinking. Start to see your partner as your equal and not as your child or someone you have to take care of. Seeing someone else as a responsible and dedicated adult will help you gain confidence and self-esteem.
Let's just try to be better in this regard, and also show mercy to those who have not yet succeeded. If you practice this technique of detachment from time to time, your relationship will flourish like never before.
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How to learn not to be clingy in a romantic relationship?
Learning not to be intrusive can be difficult, but it is definitely worth doing. If you are dating such a person, try to give him advice, of course, with the utmost sensitivity.
- First of all, admit there is a problem.
Nothing can be changed for the better until you see the problem with your own eyes. So until you realize that you have become obsessive, everything will continue. It is important to be able to listen to others when they tell you the truth, even if that truth is not easy to accept.
- Focus on yourself again
This is always especially difficult when you have already sacrificed so much for your partner, but it is necessary to try. Start small and work on your own character. Think about what you love to do. Wear things that you like, and not just what is designed to attract your partner.
Take as much of your own attention away from your partner as possible, be yourself and enjoy it. Over time, you will definitely become less intrusive, and this will only increase your attractiveness in the eyes of your partner.
- Restore mutual trust
You and your partner may have to solve this problem together. Trust doesn't just happen, especially if you've been hurt many times. Still, it is necessary to loosen your grip and open up to new relationships that are not burdened by importunity.
When you do this, you will be able to see how trustworthy your partner is. If one of you fails, let the other help him. The ability to truly trust each other makes it less likely that either of you will become pushy in the future.
- Give your loved one more freedom
You must give your partner more living space. Whether it's letting go of control when he wants to hang out with other friends or reacting calmly when he just wants to be alone in his room. Time spent alone with oneself is very important for any person. Therefore, if you can force yourself to give your partner a little more freedom, this will help improve the relationship between you.
- Stop surveillance
Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to resist snooping on what your partner is actually doing online, but sometimes this can be a very serious mistake. At some point, it may well seem to you that you have found something incriminating, while in fact it is nothing more than a misunderstanding.
If you hadn't sniffed out cheating, this problem could have been avoided. So the next time you decide to hack his social media account, think carefully. Would you like your boyfriend to do this to you?
Why does a man need freedom?
Intrusiveness in a relationship on the part of a woman is a common problem that many people face. It is difficult to stop imposing yourself on a man with whom you have been in a relationship for a long time, since the girl gets used to a certain style of behavior. Men need freedom not to be at a distance, but to dream about their beloved. During moments of separation, a man experiences strong feelings for his wife.
This does not mean that the husband does not love his wife, he just needs a distraction. If you suppress a man’s desires, his needs can break out with triple force, worsening the marriage irrevocably. The most important thing is to find a compromise that suits both parties.
What is obsession
The main difficulty in this relationship is that a person may not understand that he is making a mistake, and his lover does not tell so as not to offend his other half. Over time, patience “bursts” and the relationship comes to an end. Obsessive people prefer to follow their chosen one, asking in detail how he spent his day. If a lover wants to spend time separately, he is met with anger and jealousy from the loving person.
Many psychologists argue that obsession is associated with the fear of loneliness. People who are afraid of breaking up their marriage want to constantly spend time with their significant other, demanding actions and sweet words.
Obsessive people prefer to decide everything exclusively with their partner. They protect communication with people, concentrating on their spouse. If obsession has crossed all boundaries, the spouse stops answering calls, comes home late from work, and conversations are reduced to simple phrases. During this period, you need to stop being obsessive in your relationship with the man you love.
Treatment of obsessional neurosis
We found out what this disorder is and what its danger is. Let's return to the main question: how to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder? There are several options here. It is best to combine them if possible, because this is how you can achieve the best result.
Here is what a psychiatrist has in his “arsenal” for patients with obsessional neurosis:
- antidepressants of various types and generations; - means that normalize mood (normalizers); - psychotherapy.
Now let's look at each of these points in more detail.
Antidepressants
Antidepressants are a group of drugs that affect certain active substances in the brain. By changing the balance of these active substances, and acting differently on the same substance, antidepressants change the speed and orientation of many mental processes, mood and general condition.
In the treatment of obsessional neurosis, antidepressants occupy a central place, because only they can return a person to the possibility of normal communication and full socialization. Proper use of antidepressants guarantees long-term remission without relapse. Sometimes a course of treatment (combined, of course) is enough for a person to get rid of neurosis for life.
In recent years, there have been quite a lot of antidepressants: fundamentally new substances have been synthesized that have fewer side effects, are safer and more effective. Old drugs are gradually leaving the practice of psychiatrists (although they remain in the practice of doctors of other specialties). It is unlikely that a psychiatrist will prescribe you amitriptyline or a similar drug: much more effective substances are now available, the use of which gives lasting, good results without the risk of repeated exacerbations or unsuccessful treatment.
The most popular are antidepressants that affect serotonin receptors. These medications do not cause drug dependence and have relatively few contraindications. One significant disadvantage of this group of drugs: in the first week of treatment, almost all patients complain of severe, debilitating nausea.
Normotimics
Mood stabilizers are drugs used to correct mood: they ensure its stability, stability and constancy. Interestingly, there is not a single drug that belongs specifically to this group and was created only to normalize mood. All such drugs (even the ancient drug made from lithium salts) initially had a different purpose, and the normothimic effect is a kind of pleasant bonus.
If a person suffers from obsessive neurosis, his treatment will necessarily include drugs that normalize mood. Like antidepressants, mood stabilizers affect the main links in the pathogenesis of obsessional neurosis, and their combination is considered the most effective treatment method.
Carbamazepine and its derivatives are most often used. This drug is also used to treat epilepsy (and its various types), but in addition to the anticonvulsant effect, carbamazepine also has a pronounced normothimic effect. By the way, carbamazepine is a substance that was synthesized from a strong antidepressant. To some extent, this explains this effect and high effectiveness in the treatment of obsessive thoughts and, in particular, obsessive movements (compulsions).
Psychotherapy
One of the most important aspects of treating obsessions is psychotherapy. Perhaps you notice fear or obsessive thoughts, or maybe you observe obsessive movements in your child, contact a psychiatrist. In this situation, individual psychotherapy is indicated.
The most common direction is behavioral psychotherapy, based on neurolinguistic programming or “body” orientation. Indeed, in a sense, obsessions are behavioral disorders, so treatment should be aimed at it. Behavioral psychotherapy can be combined with suggestive psychotherapy (it is rarely used as a single treatment method).
Suggestion is what is called “suggestion.” This technique is carried out, as a rule, after preliminary preparation: the person is immersed in a state of medicated or natural sleep, hypnosis, etc. Sometimes suggestion is practiced with a awake person, who must, of course, be calm and relaxed. This state is most easily achieved with sedatives, although experienced psychotherapists can do without them.
