Why am I single and have no personal life? Often women ask themselves this question and do not find an answer to it. This problem is especially acute in young girls, and it is the absence of a life partner that prompts women to develop many complexes about external data, intelligence, character and the development of other doubts. This problem leads to the emergence of complexes, since the girl begins to think destructively: “I am lonely, and that means I have failed.” This incorrect judgment is the beginning of destructive mental activity, and the fair sex further reasons like this: “Everyone except me has a boyfriend. Everyone around is in couples and seems so happy. Why am I lonely? Years will pass and over time such women will begin to think: “Why are you so unlucky with men?”
Why are people lonely?
Let's first look at why people are lonely and whether loneliness is as scary as many imagine it to be. In a certain state of mind, sometimes an individual requires solitude. Psychologists believe that if a person is comfortable alone with himself, then he is a self-sufficient person. Such people spend all their free time on self-development and self-education, analyzing their own actions and drawing up further strategic plans. They have no time to feel a sense of uselessness, because they are passionate about self-development. This is the answer to the question: “Why are smart people lonely and they have no desire to waste their time on uninteresting individuals or in vain.”
However, there are periods when the number of lonely days goes off scale and the feeling of uselessness overwhelms you. At such moments, a person often has a question: “Why is it so lonely?” This condition is a socio-psychological phenomenon that represents the emotional state of the individual and characterizes the connection with the lack of close, positive emotional relationships with the environment or the fear of their loss due to social isolation. For such cases, psychologists have developed techniques and methods that allow you to get rid of loneliness on your own. In the fight against this feeling, the main principle is the individual’s determination and desire to eliminate loneliness from his own life.
Psychologists identify the following psychological factors that contribute to the emergence of loneliness. These include low self-esteem, which causes avoidance of social contacts due to fear of being subjected to harsh criticism. This creates a “vicious circle”, since the complete absence or lack of contacts further lowers self-esteem. Also, the emergence of a feeling of loneliness in the soul is influenced by undeveloped communication skills.
Nowadays it has become fashionable to consider oneself not a lonely person, but a free person. But what to do when you are really lonely and there is no person in front of whom you want to appear better than you really are, when it doesn’t matter who is nearby, as long as someone is present in life?
Why are people lonely? Psychology gives the following explanations in this regard: loneliness does not choose a victim according to gender or age. Material security, status, appearance, as well as the type of activity of an individual are also unimportant for loneliness.
To feel lonely you don’t have to actually be that way. After all, often people, being married, having loved ones and friends, feel lonely.
A young man of 20 years old, who has difficulty finding a suitable partner, experiences the same spiritual emptiness as an elderly individual of 60 years of age who has lost loved ones or does not know how to find a common language with the younger generation.
Loneliness is often experienced by subjects with an inert nervous system, who have difficulty establishing social contacts, and who take a long time to get used to new people in their environment. In addition, people are lonely due to deep mental pathology, for example, due to autism.
Why are there so many lonely people? The personal perception of loneliness by each individual is of great importance. Many people mistakenly perceive loneliness as a tragedy, instead of looking at this situation from a different angle, making loneliness their ally and using it to work on their own personality.
A man or a woman with a cool mind and a healthy psyche should perceive loneliness as an opportunity to change for the better their personality traits and appearance and thus improve themselves.
Depression due to lack of personal life: how to change yourself
Any depressive disorder causes changes in a person’s behavior, lifestyle, and negatively affects relationships and communication style. To cope with this, you will have to change your attitude towards yourself, other people and life in general. First of all, you need to calm down and try to find your advantages in the current situation. And of course they exist.
The man is not alone! He is simply free from obligations. He can move and travel, change jobs, make friends. He has no need to adapt to anyone or fulfill anyone's wishes. You cannot perceive the current situation as a result of your own inferiority. Developing depression due to a lack of personal life is not the best option for both women and men. Moreover, there is a personal life, it always exists, even if a person finds himself on a desert island. There is simply no love relationship, psychological connection, or even addiction (it happens that people themselves strive for this).
In developed countries, it is not customary to rush to start a family. First, everyone builds a material base for it. Getting married for the first time after 35 years is not at all uncommon, but an ordinary fact.
Can't find a like-minded person? This means that this goal will be realized a little later, but for now you need to concentrate on your studies or career. If you achieve a higher social status, your social circle will change, and the opportunity to meet a more suitable partner will become real.
Why is a woman lonely and has no luck with men?
All girls are prepared from childhood for the fact that when they grow older, they will definitely have their own family, obedient children and a feeling of boundless happiness. But it often happens that time passes, the young lady grows up and nothing happens. It seems that nature has not deprived her of a figure, she is pretty and smart, but she has no personal life and that’s all. And while some women are getting married, others are wondering: “Why am I single?”
There can be many answers to this question. Often, the mistakes of single women are that they expect their chosen ones to solve their problems for them. For men, this attitude towards them is very annoying, although they also often do not mind someone sharing their problems with them. Women with a consumerist attitude towards men, changing them “like gloves,” do this in order to increase their material and social status, so they often have no luck with men, since they do not want to deal with their problems on their own.
Other women do not perceive themselves as a mature, independent person. It seems to them that only in marriage can they show what they are capable of. Such women perceive their life as a prelude to the life ahead, which will come when they put a wedding ring on their finger. This is a dangerous misconception.
Nowadays, it is difficult to surprise anyone with loneliness. Working in big cities requires mental and physical labor, and often the situation goes like this: a person, after a hard day at work, returns to an empty apartment where no one is waiting for him. Most people only have time to look for relationships or meet friends on weekends. This is one of the reasons why girls are lonely. While it’s daytime outside, friends and acquaintances meet, traffic moves and loneliness is not so noticeable. But as evening comes, people go home, and the feeling of emptiness intensifies. At its core, loneliness means a lack of information and the ability to exchange and share it. However, even though they have a social circle, many girls wonder: “Why do I feel lonely?” And the reasons here lie somewhat deeper than human communication.
Why relationships don't work out
Each has its own highlight - individuality. And this is not only an attention-grabbing appearance or a created unique image. Although often, this criterion is given the main role.
Of great importance for the development of relationships is the inner world of a possible partner, his views on life, priorities and goals, and most importantly:
- what role he assigns to the person he is interested in;
- what place he defines for him in his life;
- whether he wants to change something in himself so that his partner becomes more comfortable with him.
You shouldn’t even worry if after several meetings the relationship has reached a dead end and the meetings have stopped. This is the best thing that could happen. It is much worse to indulge yourself in the desire to continue communication at all costs. You need to find strength and focus on other, more positive events, and not become depressed due to the lack of personal life.
However, the most common reasons for loneliness are:
- an excessively high level of self-esteem, in which everyone around them seems unworthy of any attention;
- severely low self-esteem, due to which it is impossible for most people to communicate on equal terms, so they avoid relationships with such a person;
- an overly reserved and closed type of behavior, which is regarded as coldness and disinterest;
- idealization of the partner, complete forgiveness, justification of all his unwanted actions and actions;
- transferring the parents' behavior model to their own relationships, without taking into account the individual characteristics of their chosen one.
Sometimes a potential partner’s internal lack of confidence in their own importance is to blame for a quick separation. Especially if, upon meeting him, he gave a very high rating to the person who hopes to continue the relationship with him. His wish will not be received appropriately and the connection will be interrupted.
It's not just single people who can have a great time
— “Either marriage or a monastery”—is that also a stereotype?
- Certainly. The main thing is that a person is directed towards an object that is outside of himself. Otherwise, it makes no difference whether he lives in a monastery, with his family or alone. All the same, he will constantly experience a feeling of dissatisfaction with his life, he will never have a feeling of its fullness. No matter how religious and pious he may be, in essence he will be engaged in wasting his life.
In reality, as soon as we go beyond this pattern, it turns out that there are a huge number of completely happy people who are not burdened by family ties and have not gone to a monastery.
—Have you met such people?
— For example, there are many of them in the teaching environment. Take Orthodox universities, icon painting schools, regency schools: who are the main pillars in them? As a rule, single, unmarried women. Far from being handicapped in terms of possible family life, they nevertheless decided that it was more correct for them to devote themselves entirely to the educational process and to serving for the benefit of others. And they understand perfectly well that as soon as they tie themselves with family ties (this primarily applies to women), they will automatically fall out of deep immersion in their work.
The presence of holistic service, with complete dedication, significantly reduces the risk of falling into a depressed state of a person, oppressed by his loneliness.
— You said about lonely teachers, and I immediately remembered how schoolchildren sometimes talk about some teacher: it’s immediately obvious that she has no personal life and no children of her own - she takes out all her anger on us.
“Such teachers really do exist, but schoolchildren are wrong when they say that: it’s not a matter of loneliness at all.” Human malice is, as a rule, a consequence of deep inner murmur. When we refuse to accept what the Lord gives us at the moment, when we think: my ideas about what life should be are sacred to me, no one dares to shake them - but the reality turns out to be different, then bitterness will be inevitable. But reality is not in our hands - but in the hands of God! And the unwillingness to reconcile and accept the current situation precisely as a manifestation of the Will of God will inevitably give rise to anger and grumbling.
But I repeat that this is not a matter of loneliness. The same thing happens with family people. So the two got married, and five years later they realized that life had gone completely differently than they had once dreamed of. And the same situation of discontent and grumbling arises.
Reason #5: No place to meet people
Those girls who work in a women's team simply have nowhere to meet people. For example, teachers or librarians, where can they meet?
After all, most of their day is spent at work, and there are literally only a few men there. Dating sites or nightclubs are rather dubious places to find suitors.
These are just five of the possible reasons that prevented you from getting married. In fact, you can find many more of them. “Everything alive is always together,” wrote one Korean poet (translated by Anna Akhmatova). Let no one be lonely!
Author: Elena Gutyro
Reason #2: Low self-esteem
You consider yourself an ugly woman with an ugly face, a terrible figure, and crooked legs. You know for sure that you are not interested in men, that none of them will ask you to marry you.
Such complexes turn a person into a tense, insecure creature, around whom other people feel uncomfortable.
In fact, the shortcomings are greatly exaggerated; they are not at all as critical as you imagined. Any defects in appearance are masked by cosmetics and well-chosen clothing.
Men, of course, are attracted by pleasant appearance, but they love for inner beauty and spiritual closeness. In addition, many men themselves suffer from low self-esteem.
What to do to find love?
We discussed why you are unlucky in your personal life in the previous part of the article. Let's ask psychologists how to correct the situation.
Leave the past in the past
You've learned your lesson from your relationship with your ex, it's time to move on. Move to a new, high-quality level. Analyze the mistakes you made. This way you minimize the risk of repeating a bad experience.
Realize that no one is perfect
Drop your complexes. Every person is unhappy with something about their own appearance. The most successful top models admit that from time to time they hate their figure, the shape of their eyes, and the condition of their hair. Get rid of the stereotypes dictated by fashion. Every person is unique and worthy of love. The main thing is to be able to present yourself favorably.
Correct behavior errors
Analyze what in your behavior can push your partner away. Perhaps you have bad habits that negatively affect your health and cause negativity in others. Watch yourself from the outside. Try to “find” your weak point.
Adjust your appearance
If you recognized yourself when we wrote about ostentatious availability and asexuality, reconsider your wardrobe and manners. Observe the appearance of people whose personal lives are going well. Perhaps we should borrow something from their image.
Live life to the fullest
No one is interested in whiners and people without hobbies. Read books, watch films, go to festivals and theater performances, play sports. May your life be full of bright impressions and eventful. Find a hobby that excites you. A person with sparkling eyes is interesting, you want to get to know him and talk to him.
Get out of the house more often
Fate won't knock on your door if you lie on the couch and dream of love. Couples meet at parties, in museums and gyms, at exhibitions and relatives' birthdays. Be active, don’t miss the opportunity to show yourself and meet that very person.
Work through the problem with a psychologist
If you cannot figure it out on your own, contact a specialist. He will find hidden mental blocks that prevent him from finding happiness. A competent psychologist will also help those who project onto themselves the difficult experience of their parents’ relationship. Psychotherapy is the most successful method of raising self-esteem.
Why are you unlucky in your personal life? This is a question for comprehensive discussion and analysis. Many cases are individual and require a special approach. In this article we have collected the most common reasons why people cannot build relationships. What to do if you recognize yourself at some point? Start changing right now, and love will find you.
Reason #1: Waiting for a prince
Dreams of marrying a handsome prince come from childhood. You are waiting for the ideal young man who should be different from everyone else.
In dreams, he is beautiful in body and soul, impeccable in every way. Reality brings you down to ordinary, down-to-earth men who have mediocre appearance and far from outstanding minds.
Photo: Pixabay
Even realizing that life with them can be quite comfortable, you wince and pass by. You are not interested in the prose of life, but in poetry, unearthly love.
Reason #3: Parents are too strict
Excessive control on the part of parents can also be the reason that a girl does not get married. They did not allow us to walk late into the night, go to discos, parties, that is, to those events where relationships most often begin.
The parents can be understood; they were strict not out of malice, they were simply afraid that their daughter would be offended. But their prohibitions deprived the girl of the right to her personal life and her own experience, even if it was not very successful.
And now that peers have started families, parents dream of marrying off their daughter. And she simply has no one to choose from.
Reason #2 - incorrect settings, like dead ballast
Why is it difficult to build relationships? Have you paid attention to who is asking this question? As a rule, these are people over 30, who certainly live with their parents. Or people who have achieved much greater heights than perhaps they themselves planned. These people have one thing in common - in addition to problems in their personal lives - these are their attitudes.
“You should only communicate with people in your circle!” “It’s not appropriate for people in our society to communicate with people like that...” “People like him are no match for you!” “Don’t you dare even think about...” Sounds familiar? And try “disobey”!
The law of opposites attracting rarely fails. It was “thanks to him” that kings fell in love with beggar women, intellectuals with representatives of the middle class, there are a lot of similar examples.
Wrong attitudes imposed by our parents, environment, and sometimes we impose them on ourselves, are one of the reasons why we have no luck in our personal lives with men.
