The love of your inner circle and the feeling of being needed is very important for every person. Psychologists have found that a large number of people constantly suffer due to lack of attention and love in everyday life. The reason for the lack of love is often the isolation of people in society, which invariably increases every year. Where does the feeling of lack of love come from and what to do when the thought arises: “nobody loves me and no one needs/needs me” - you can find out by reading this article to the end.
What to do if no one needs you?
There is a stereotype that “we only need ourselves and our parents who really love us.” People are so afraid to be alone with their thoughts and character, so they begin to feel internal discomfort
Telling the news, pouring out your feelings, being close by - it is important for us to feel needed. Longing for the past is what hinders the path of new development
Constant searches for reasons and imposition of blame create the basis for a global problem. In reality, it simply does not exist! After a breakup, guys feel at the peak of freedom for some time, but after a short time they plunge into negative thoughts. Complexity, bad habits, lack of incentives to develop - all this completely closes the door to a better future. The brain is designed to constantly reproduce the experienced fragment of time and attach specific meaning to it.
I lost myself or how to avoid the symptoms of disappointment:
Don't engage in self-flagellation.
It occurs when a man is idle. The feeling of boredom can be destroyed by important tasks that are needed to achieve your goals. In general, goals are a useful thing. They keep the body and mind in good shape, not allowing any prejudices to penetrate into the most intimate.
Positive thinking.
Without it you will neither reap the harvest nor succeed in any business.
It is important to strive to see the world from the angle “I believe in good things, I will do everything to get out of this state”
Become more open.
Often the problem of loneliness is a man’s reluctance to make contact with others. Girls rarely come up and introduce themselves, so your colleagues may be on their own wavelength and will not devote time to you. Communication and self-confidence are the main skills that others value. The result may be surprising - people will immediately gravitate towards such a person.
Work on your external image.
Clothing style, physical characteristics, gestures, neatness - this is the “face” of a person that presents him in society. Who needs me if I don’t take care of myself, I’m always sloppy and slouched? A representative of the stronger sex will be the life of any company if he watches his speech, looks neat, wears things in good condition, and takes care of hygiene. Maybe this is where the problem of loneliness and denial of you in society lies hidden.
Be true to yourself.
If a man avoids responsibility and does not take on any business, does not want to see his shortcomings, or fight bad habits, a feeling of discomfort will constantly accompany him. People around them love reliable individuals who are responsible for their words.
Accept your mistakes.
Egocentrism and pride do not allow one to be flexible in society, which is why difficulties often arise. Agreeing that “I was wrong, I should have done it differently” is the best way to mutual understanding. Easy relationships, where everyone takes part in solving certain problems, will help maintain long-term contacts with a person.
How to get rid of the thought “I have lost myself”? Don’t assume that the world doesn’t care about you and start meeting opportunities. Have your friends called for a long time? Why not invite them to the cinema and get together in a cafe! Are there long-standing conflicts with a girl due to the fault of a man? It is worth understanding where he is wrong and apologizing, showing understanding and feelings for your partner.
The more empathy and determination a person has, the easier it is to achieve mutual understanding with others. If the guard doesn’t notice you at the entrance, this is not a sign to panic! Those to whom you made a card and brought a cake didn’t wish you a happy birthday? The joys of life should not stop there, and with them, relationships with these people
It is important to maintain your dignity and perceive reality more sensibly
We hope that the information helped to get rid of the thought “nobody needs me” at least a little. A real man is one who does not question his character and remains steadfast no matter what. You will definitely achieve success in your favorite business, relationships, with family and friends if you act with awareness. The surrounding reality is not so bad - there is a place for calm in it.
No one will ask you not to quit halfway
No matter what activity we are talking about. No one will try to persuade you, because this is not someone else’s business, but yours. Making an effort to change your mind means taking responsibility. Subconsciously or consciously, people do not want to take such a burden on their shoulders. Everyone has their own worries, you know. So don’t wait for someone to come and give you advice—act your own way. Or do nothing.
We spend too much time on such empty expectations. All this is dictated by uncertainty, a thirst for confirmation of our thoughts from the outside. In such situations, one simple thought will help: if you make up your mind, don’t doubt it, and if you doubt it, don’t make up your mind. These words should not be used everywhere. Sometimes you need to act in spite of doubts.
Where does this pattern of behavior come from?
Unfortunately, now parents are forced to work a lot and do not always pay the necessary attention to their child. The baby may feel unnecessary even then, not being able to just talk or hug with someone close to her.
And this can greatly influence both the self-esteem of the future woman and develop certain protective mechanisms. One of which is the mentioned variant of sacrifice in a relationship, when a girl, and then an adult representative of the fair sex, bends over backwards, as if wanting to establish herself: “look how good I am, I’m worth loving.”
Such persistent disappointments are hidden too well by our subconscious. After all, such sensations are traumatic, and therefore subject to destruction. But cognitive rethinking and destruction does not eliminate emotional traces at all. This is why such things should be worked through with a psychologist. After all, he will be the one who will be able to bring it to something more than just rational: “I’m not angry with my parents.” He will be able to bring back a little girl who will “talk” and understand her parents. And most importantly, she realizes that the point is not that they didn’t need her, but that objective reasons prevented her relatives from devoting more time to her.
From lack of love to love
Even if you had problems in childhood, you can love yourself and the world around you at any age. It's time to take responsibility for your own life. This is much better than constantly repeating: “What to do if no one loves you?” You need to forget any excuses for yourself and decide for yourself exactly how to relate to both yourself and the world.
“Why doesn’t anyone love me?” The psychologist's answer can be very simple. For example, marriage specialist G. Chapman claims that one way or another, all parents love their children
The problem can only be that the child did not know how to read this attention, love and care
Thus, psychologists identify five love languages. Some parents may rejoice at their child’s victories and say words of admiration, while the child himself was waiting for a heart-to-heart conversation. Or, for example, the father and mother spend a lot of time with the child, and the son or daughter is waiting for help in order to feel protected.
Being needed by someone: pros and cons
In order to get rid of the feeling of your own uselessness, it is important to dissuade yourself of this, which means becoming needed by someone. Or maybe we should leave everything as it is? What are the advantages and disadvantages of overcoming the uselessness complex?
Advantages Disadvantages Understanding that close people, friends, and colleagues need you, relieves a person of the feeling of his own insignificance. He begins to value life and his health more, without taking unnecessary risks, thinking about the consequences of his actions: what if they bring trouble to those who care about you? Understanding that you are necessary for someone requires special care and delicacy. It's good if the feelings are mutual
And if not? How to get out of the situation without cutting off oxygen to the person who needs you? What if it breaks? It is very important to weaken this one-way connection with the least possible losses. The feeling of being needed helps each of us to overcome difficulties, set goals, and achieve them. In other words, a person perceives his life as something that does not belong only to him, feels responsible to those who support him, and tries to be on top so as not to let him down. A person cannot afford to take big risks (and sometimes he really wants to)
Every step will have to be taken with an eye on those who are worried, caring, waiting, and bored. Sometimes, why not, excessive care is annoying. You have to come to terms with this. The life of a person who knows that he is not indifferent to his other half, parents, children, friends, is filled with meaning. He knows that it is not in vain that he lives on this earth. This gives him powerful emotional support and supports him in difficult times. Knowing that his family and friends need him, a person should forget about the feeling of absolute freedom. Responsibility to loved ones and caring for them does not allow you to live as you please, take risks, or neglect your health.
The ability to perceive failures positively
What makes successful people different? As a rule, such individuals perceive all failures only in a positive way. After all, every mistake or unfortunate set of circumstances is only an opportunity to do the right thing next time. Many prominent personalities did just that. For example, the famous writer Stephen King went through as many as thirty publishing houses before he managed to publish the cult novel “Carrie,” and actress Faina Ranevskaya at the beginning of her career was kicked out of a theater near Moscow and called “complete mediocrity.”
In addition, it is very useful to abandon idealization. You can remember, for example, that practically none of the models have the ideal appearance and intelligence of a Nobel laureate. You can love someone simply here and now, as well as yourself. Self-development should bring pleasure, and being fixated on someone does not improve your mood and self-esteem at all. You just need to enjoy the most beautiful relationship in life, that is, an affair with yourself. Also, understand that other people can enjoy this novel too. You need to work on yourself, develop and communicate with other people with pleasure.
Why is this happening?
Quantity does not always mean quality
Very often, the reasons for such a feeling are qualitative changes in relationships, while visible, quantitative ones may not change. Therefore, it can be very difficult to understand such loneliness from the outside. Envious people begin to say that you are “mad with fat,” but in fact, profound changes are occurring in the types listed below.
- Changes in the number of friends you are interested in. This type is more typical of young girls. It so happens that at certain periods people begin to disagree in their views, hobbies, life values, and level of aspiration. Just yesterday you were one, worried about your grades together. And now: one decided to give birth to a dozen children at once, the second went abroad, and the third is constantly lost or began to tell you things that are completely uninteresting to you. You are left with a feeling of emptiness and uselessness. Heads up! Life is just beginning. At least, such a nuisance clearly demonstrates those people who are ready to stay with you forever, to share all the sorrows and joys. Perhaps this situation was given to you specifically in order to finally appreciate those people who were and will be with you - your parents, and perhaps that one friend whom you had not noticed before.
- If you are experiencing stagnation or trouble at work. Often we achieve full self-realization in the work sphere. This is great and correct. But you shouldn’t replace concepts. Work is a huge field of activity, but that’s not all. Remember how in the movie “Office Romance”? One thing cannot replace everything. The broader the interests in life, the more varied the hobbies, the greater the chances that at least one area will now be an outlet.
- If your relationships with significant people have changed. Still, most often the feeling of uselessness begins to haunt the moment when an understanding of a change in attitude on the part of a significant person begins to come, and most often - a husband or beloved man. Although such a trigger may also be relationships with children. And here the main problem is self-esteem and awareness of one’s role and place. Often a woman is ready to sacrifice herself to relationships and people. She devotes her life to arranging a man’s life or devotes herself entirely to children, forgetting that they are separate individuals, and not a continuation of her. Naturally, she wants gratitude and “constant presence” in return. Yes, she gives so much of her energy that she is unable to let go of a piece of her work. But the man begins to not appreciate this amount of attention, and the children grow up and want to build their own lives. This is how a woman begins to feel deceived and useless to anyone. And this is the most frequent and most painful experience.
What to do about it?
Ask yourself the question: “Were you happy doing everything for someone?” If yes, then this is the main gratitude for you. You weren’t actually doing good to someone else, you were doing happiness to yourself and that’s exactly what you enjoyed. So now you just need to find someone else you can do something useful: do charity work, get an animal...
And if you were deeply unhappy with what you did and did it through force, do you really want your loved ones to experience similar torment in return? Is it really possible that as a reward for the fact that you suffered earlier, you want to see how your loved one will suffer now? This is, in your understanding, true love – mutual suffering and curtailment of one’s happiness? If so, then you are doomed to feel useless. Because no one wants to endure this, except masochists, and therefore they will try to distance themselves from you. If you really begin to understand that you would not want to cause suffering to others, you simply do not understand how to build your life differently, you should seek advice from a psychologist.
From lack of love to complexes
The child realizes his personality through the attitude of an adult. If an adult (father, mother, other relatives) loves, cares, and is interested in life and success, then the child himself begins to love himself and learns to appreciate his individuality. In the opposite situation, a child may doubt his “need” and carry the burden of doubt into adulthood. Attention deficit in childhood can lead to an inferiority complex, vulnerability, the habit of hiding in a shell, vulnerability, insufficient level of self-esteem, and self-doubt. The same thing is the root of problems in building relationships in adult life, both friendly and romantic relationships.
What to do if no one needs you?
The observations described in the tip above can actually be noticed in real life. Indeed, remember - what is it like when some person makes you happy? Usually when he brings you something necessary and useful in business relationships or something pleasant in your personal life. Help, advice, participation or love, care and tenderness. We are always glad to see such a person. And he will definitely never die from loneliness or lack of attention.
This is a simple logic of life: in order to be needed, in demand and loved, you must first do something for others. And it doesn’t have to be some complicated actions. Simple sympathy for someone else's problem and sincere attention is enough. And suddenly, a person no one needs, as if by magic, becomes loved and needed by everyone. But how can you sincerely be like this?
How to learn to correctly understand the desires of your neighbor, because “another person’s soul is darkness”?
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan helps to see in each person his internal desires (vectors) and needs. This means having the opportunity to establish trusting contact with him. Be on the same wavelength with him and understand him perfectly. In other words, immediately become a pleasant and very valuable person in his environment.
For example:
- A thorough man with an anal vector will offer you his hand and heart just for taking your time to listen to him.
- A person with a skin vector will appreciate you for any reasonable savings (including turning off the lights in the kitchen).
- A visual chatterbox will make you one of her best friends if you are willing to listen to her, understand her feelings, and share yours. She will be happy to talk about beauty and love (perhaps this will look like a conversation about fears, but this is a separate topic).
- A thoughtful sound artist will understand that you are the one and only when you invite the two of you to look at the stars and listen to the silence.
This looks like humorous advice, it seems to be people's petty quirks. But knowledge of the peculiarities of worldview, given to us from birth by vectors, makes our interaction with other people as comfortable as possible for both parties.
System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows you to understand not only other people, but also yourself. Nobody needs me - this is one of the most common phrases of a woman with a visual vector who lacks new impressions, experiences and emotions. Instead of sitting and waiting for someone to “deliver” these experiences to you, you can take everything into your own hands.
To do this, you need to know what you yourself need. The visual vector is filled with joy when it experiences deep feelings and shares them with other people, when it contemplates beauty in all its manifestations. When you are alone and no one needs you, it's time to do the following:
- Visit a museum or art gallery, or even better, invite someone to share a touch of beauty with you. Maybe your neighbor's grandmother dreams of it, but can't afford it?
- Go to the theater and “live” the performance with the actors. Maybe your mother or classmate will be happy about your invitation?
- Listen to the other person and try to “feel” him. Yuri Burlan's free training will help you change your view of another person, and it will be extremely exciting.
What you need to do to overcome the feeling of uselessness
To begin, set your alarm for exactly 60 minutes. Then sit in your chair, close your eyes and begin to repeat to yourself your negative belief - no one needs me. Without opening your eyes, do not stop repeating this phrase monotonously in your mind until the alarm clock rings.
Did your alarm clock ring? That's it, the Key Word Therapy practice is over. Now you can open your eyes.
Yes, it's that simple. Simple in words. It is not always simple and easy to live all 60 minutes of this practice while your negative belief is “rooted” from your subconscious.
But now, after practice, you feel lightness and calm. In the next day or two or three you will feel as if you have increased strength and energy. This happens because all your energy that you invested in negative experiences about your uselessness will return to you.
It’s so easy to work through any of your negative and limiting beliefs with the help of the practices of Academician Losev. These beliefs are erased thanks to the well-studied effect of dosed monotony on the human brain.
These scientific studies have been well tested, patented, and formulated into specific and effective methods for independent practice - all this together is called the Logical method of erasing negative programs from the subconscious. The author of these developments is academician Stanislav Ivanovich Losev, doctor of sciences and full member of the MABT Academy.
Question for psychologists
Asks: Zoya, 20 years old
Question category: Emotions and feelings
23.12.2018
Hello. I am 19 years old, studying at medical college. I have this problem: I have a lot of friends, so many that I sometimes forget their names, but they consider me their girlfriend. I believe that they are not my friends, because they take advantage of me for some reason, they always need something from me (money, something for studying). I don’t value them, I don’t like them, but I don’t tell them about it, I just smile. Further, during my studies, everyone considers me a smart girl and has high hopes for me, but I know that I’m stupid, because in all 4 years, I haven’t learned anything, I don’t even know what we went through in the first year or went through yesterday, because I learn everything only before class, and forget when I leave it. But I can’t teach, because I’m terribly lazy, I don’t want anything. Although, I understand perfectly well that my future depends on this. Then the family, my mother considers me her most beloved child, all the best as they say to me, but I don’t appreciate it, because I don’t feel a connection with her, because she never asks about how I feel, the other girls consult with my mothers, but this didn’t happen to me. As a child, she was very strict with me, she allowed me to play only with the children of relatives and only for an hour, she always scolded me for violations, I was very afraid of her, and I am afraid now. Therefore, if anything happens, I’m just afraid to tell her, and I feel that most likely I don’t love her. In short, many people love me and consider me good, but I don’t love anyone, I simply lie to their faces, I know that I am hypocritical and therefore I feel my insignificance. I don't know what to do.
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First social environment
Most “adult” psychological problems are formed in childhood, including the level of self-esteem, complexes, the feeling of “unloving” and so on. In childhood, not only the psyche is laid, but also the foundations of relationships with other people, the perception of oneself and the world around us. So if a child is not given the opportunity to feel loved, then where will this feeling come from in adulthood? If the “magic jug of love” is not filled, difficulties, psychological problems and disorders arise.
Moreover, what is interesting is that we are not talking about dysfunctional families. Some adults “love” only for good grades, the absence of bad habits and problems with the law in adolescence. But love and education are completely different things. Whatever the child is, he must be loved, otherwise the parents themselves create a huge number of complexes that will haunt their grown daughter or son in adulthood.
What to do if no one loves you? If this feeling has been present since childhood, and does not just occur from time to time against the backdrop of a bad mood, an unsuccessful romance, or a quarrel with parents, then only a qualified psychologist will help you understand the problem. Convincing yourself in this case is completely pointless, scolding is completely harmful.
What's next after practice?
After practice, you don’t need to do anything else - rest and restore your strength. If during practice other phrases intrusively came to you, then write them down during practice. The next day you can work on the next one, then another one from the list.
Often in practice similar negative programs come along. In this case, often the following: no one needs a child, neither my husband nor children need me, my parents don’t need me, my mother doesn’t need me, how to continue to live in this world, no one loves me, I don’t want to live, and many others. Everyone has their own programs, individual ones.
Also, after practicing, after a couple of days, notice yourself if you again want to go to the forum to read about being useless to anyone, find a poem, song, quotes, prose or pictures about this condition, or talk about it with someone. In this case, repeat the Keyword Therapy exercise with the same phrase.
The vast majority of negative programs (about 80%) are cut off by Keyword Therapy the first time. But sometimes there are programs of enormous mental power, into which a colossal amount of energy is invested - with these you need to work again, for another hour.
Thus, as a result of your independent work, you can easily and simply eliminate a huge number of negative programs from your subconscious. This is very rewarding work, since its consequences will be your increased overall energy potential, improved overall well-being and mood. you will get rid of these “sharp corners” (= negative programs) that your family and friends constantly “cling” to, so your relationship with them will also improve.
If your condition is close to depression, then I ask you to devote time to this too and work on it with self-care - again, independently and effectively. I wrote how to do this in the article “How to overcome depression on your own without medications...”. Stop by.
Is it possible to get rid of this condition forever?
You yourself are well aware of how much this negative belief bothers you. Working with this logic and convincing you is long and unreasonable. You yourself understand with your brain that this is not an entirely correct conclusion and it cannot be applied 100% to all life situations. But you continue to think like that. Therefore, we will take a different path and act without logic.
I have good news for you: in literally an hour of independent work, without expensive consultations with psychologists and psychotherapists, you can cope with this once and for all your life.
Just without illusions - this does not mean that in an hour a crowd of your relatives and friends will come running to you, vying with each other to tell you how boring and joyless their life is without you. No. You will simply erase this belief of yours once and for all, which plunges you into a depressive state.
The record of your life will no longer “stick” at this point. You will experience all your negative emotions associated with this belief in an hour. And then you will be completely free from this belief of yours and from the emotions associated with it.
Your work at this hour will not be easy: you will be completely immersed in a state where no one needs you, you will live it completely here and now. You will cry and experience the whole gamut of negative experiences associated with rejection and loneliness.
For what? In order to free yourself from them; so that it no longer controls your behavior, your relationships with others and you personally. If you really want to consciously work through this state in yourself called “nobody needs me,” then I offer you a simple and effective way to do this yourself using the practice of the Logical method of erasing negative programs from the subconscious of academician S.I. Losev.
Reasons for low self-esteem
Above, I already wrote a little about happiness. Let's take a scarier example. A person cannot build normal relationships with other people. He takes a lot and gives nothing. An egoist who considers himself a little God, the center of the universe, the coolest. Everyone else must satisfy his desires and stroke his ego. Such people have many friends and comrades with whom they can have fun. However, I would not allow something like this into my close circle of friends.
Another option is the opposite: a person “does good.” Reinvests in relationships. As a rule, they also leave such people. There is no balance.
There is a law in communication and relationships: we build a fence brick by brick. One is laying a brick. Then the second one lays a brick. Then again the first one. This is how strong relationships are built. If the second person does not lay a brick, then the first one looks for another.
It happens the other way around. You meet a person. He will start dumping a truckload of bricks on you. You stand there and think: “I’ll probably go. It's boring with him." This is an indicator of low self-esteem and fear of losing a person. It scares me a lot.
The driver of a truck with bricks has a direct path to a psychologist.
The reasons may lie in childhood.
Children lacked the attention of their parents, especially girls strive to capture the attention of their father. Or vice versa, the parents fulfilled all the whims of the child
And when he enters the adult world, leaves school, he realizes that the world is not a pink pony ready to fulfill his wishes.
For example, a girl at the age of 5 persistently took her to gymnastics classes. She didn't like it. She couldn't do it. Her father continued to drive her until she was kicked out. As a result, the girl formed an opinion about herself that she was worthless, could not do anything, and was worse than others. Friends or not, or those who do not express a desire to be friends. In other words, the inner self seeks confirmation of worthlessness in the outer world. Such people need to see a psychologist..
Relationships with the opposite sex. In relationships, one often kills the self-esteem of the other because he does not understand the values of his partner. Sometimes on purpose, saying things like: “Who needs you alone with the children.”
At work we also lose self-esteem. It’s hard to feel good when you’re a handyman, your bosses talk about this, and you can see how newcomers who come later quickly catch on.
The next problem: the surrounding space, the appearance of an ideal world in films and magazines. A girl watches a film: she sees models who look like celestial beings, and not like ordinary people. He thinks: “Men love beautiful people. I am not like that. I won’t have a man.” Day by day, and she will believe it. Thoughts will create the expected result - the absence of a man.
Appearance is not an indicator. This is a temporary characteristic; the inner world is much more important. What's inside is also outside. In the last paragraph I will tell you about mental laws that must be observed.
From lack of love to aggression
Violations in relationships with parents can cause a girl or young man to wonder what to do if no one loves you as an adult. There are two possible scenarios. Firstly, the situation can develop into complexes, and secondly, it can become the cause of dislike or even aggression towards others in adulthood.
A person who was “disliked” in childhood can increase his distance from other people in order to avoid the stress of separation, not to be deceived, and to maintain autonomy. So you can completely avoid entering into confidential communication, being content with short-term romances or casual intimate relationships. Another option is to reduce the distance
Intrusive attention can be a way to achieve support and love. There is also a risk here - the risk of dissolving in a relationship, which, as a rule, does not lead to anything good
What can we learn from non-Orthodox people?
When asked about the possibility of dialogue with Protestants, Father Tikhon answered decisively:
-I have no opinion about the possibility of religious dialogue, because I think that it is very dangerous, due to the fact that Protestants are constantly dragging us into these circles of some syncretic common religion. Even when they say they don’t want it, they still drag it in - this is their missionary component.
But we can learn a lot from Protestants. Remember Tyutchev? “I’m a Lutheran and I love worship.” Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov told us clearly and clearly: The Church of Christ is the Orthodox Church. What the Catholic Church is, the Protestant Church, we don’t know. We know that these are Christian societies, and I have no doubt about that. The question of their salvation is also absolutely beyond my competence.
From the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery I came abroad completely wild and shied away from Catholics. And then one day I was brought to a meeting with young people. This was 90-91. I saw the same young faces as here, and even younger ones - sixteen, seventeen, eighteen years old guys. I heard from conversations that these were real Christians, as I understood it. I asked their priest: “How do you keep them? Such a sea of temptations in the Western world! Why don't they give in to temptation? Why are they such staunch real Christians?”
The Catholic priest looked at me like I was an idiot and said: “Yes, because they love Christ more than all these temptations.”
What to do if a person says that no one needs him: advice from a psychologist
The man says that no one needs him
On the one hand, living in a metropolis is much more interesting than living in a village. But on the other hand, city residents have a lot of free time. Even the abundance of information and ways to have fun does not help - people increasingly feel a sense of despondency and boredom. Sometimes the reason is lack of self-confidence, and sometimes it’s information overload.
The gray, everyday life of a simple office employee is very boring. Repeated events destroy the psychological cocoon of calm that every person has. Such a life throws you out of balance and makes you suffer from the fact that every day is lived as a “carbon copy”, without joys.
This is a typical diagram:
- If in the morning a person sighs that life is hard, in the evening he will sob because he is not fulfilled, not attractive, not interesting.
- Moreover, many positive things can happen around a person, but he does not notice it and forgets to be grateful for the little he has.
- Some people mistakenly believe that thrills save them from boredom and depression - they begin to engage in extreme sports, expose themselves to any risks, but the efforts do not bring results.
- While a monk can live in a cave as a hermit for ten years, and at the same time never get “bored”, even if he sits staring at one point.
It is worth noting that the point here is not at all about wealth and the opportunity or inability to afford a full range of pleasures. The monk described above, in response to the question of what it was like for him in “imprisonment,” will answer that these were the brightest years of his life.
Here are the psychologist's tips, thanks to which you will learn what to do if a person says that no one needs him:
To get rid of the feeling of boredom, learn to see beauty:
After all, the “brightness” of the world does not need to be sought, it must simply be perceived.
Open up to the world:
- A person who is bored is almost always bored himself.
- He runs away from himself, not realizing the depth of his personality.
- His inner world is locked, like an impregnable fortress.
- In order for strangers to see this beauty, you should remove the heavy, heavy lock from the door and allow them to enter.
Get to know your surroundings:
- You should work tirelessly on yourself, learn new things, reveal your inner potential, look for hidden abilities and talents.
- This is called "creating yourself."
- Do you want to become an interesting person? All in your hands.
If you feel like no one needs you, get to know your surroundings
If you desire variety in life, crave it with all your heart:
- Anyone who tries to find a cure for boredom, being already devastated, does not achieve results.
- To be in touch with life, one must be alive. In every sense of the word.
- It is not enough to simply wish for happiness - you need to open up to it, and in a good mood.
Avoid monotony:
- “No one needs it” arises precisely from this.
- Some people believe that if they are not rich, they constantly do not have enough money to travel to exotic countries or go bowling on the weekends, then boredom will not be overcome. This is wrong.
- You can diversify your life even with a minimum of expenses and a very low income.
- The main thing is to be able to find something to do.
- Change your daily routine so that you have as little free time as possible for passive rest.
- If you think that there is no joy in life, just invent it for yourself.
Fill your life with exciting events:
If you experience pleasant excitement and bright events every day, boredom will not come. And this has been verified.
Be in harmony with yourself:
This will help avoid nervous exhaustion, which entails the thought that no one needs you.
Change your life:
- To do this, you need to have youth of spirit, powerful internal resources and a huge amount of energy.
- Do you feel like she's missing? - Accumulate.
- It is necessary, like a sponge, to be saturated with life and positivity.
- So that in the future your positive vibes can influence people who will begin to replenish your social circle.
In fact, no specialist will make a person happy. He must become one himself. Internal states should be sought within oneself, striving for harmony and balance. After all, for a person dissatisfied with life, even a decent collection of new acquaintances will not bring joy. He will still consider himself unhappy and useless to anyone.
A boy found a Typikon in the basement...
Several questions were devoted to the charter and internal life of the monastery. Father Tikhon admitted that it is relatively easy to observe the fast rules, the rules of the Jesus Prayer, the rules of sleep, the rules of the monastic rule, but the liturgical rules are not.
-We are tied to our parishioners. We are not able to organize services for them every day, especially on Saturday and Sunday, for six to seven hours. Therefore, we took the charter of the Pskov-Pechersky Monastery as a basis and shortened one kathisma. Moreover, we still taught all our parishioners to read the indefatigable Psalter.
Night services are often held at the Sretensky Monastery. Both monks, seminarians, and parishioners often receive communion. Several times during Great Lent the evening Liturgy of the Presanctified Gifts is celebrated, and fasting from midnight is considered the norm for communicants in this case.
Father Tikhon once again extremely joyfully called on his listeners to fast more strictly (with the blessing of their confessor, of course). But he honestly admitted that the monastery held exactly one service with the statutory znamenny chant.
On the topic of statutory piety, Father Tikhon read an ironic quatrain:
-The boy found the Typikon in the basement,
At sixteen he began to read the canon.
The whole monastery was in despondency and fear,
All the monks fled from it.
Father Tikhon also spoke about the life of the inhabitants of the monastery. It turns out that the governor gives everyone a vacation of 2-3 weeks.
-Some people come to our monastery, others go to their parents’ dacha to sleep. We live in the epicenter of Moscow. We just live in a traffic jam. Even just breathing, clearing your throat for real is already worth a lot.
