Methods of communication psychology that allow you to find a common language with others

Psychology of communication: the opinion of psychologists on the role of communication between people

Psychologists mean by communication a special form of interaction that is mandatory for the normal implementation of social relationships. Through conversation, people exchange personal experiences, share the results of their activities, and find companions.

L. Vygotsky believed that through speech a person enters consciousness. Without the ability to talk, people would not be able to develop psychologically, remaining at the level of primates. Psychologists distinguish 3 components of a conversation:

1. Interactive - establishing the basic rules of the relationship.
2. Perceptual - creating the basis for the perception of each other’s feelings and emotions.
3. Communicative - direct exchange of information.

The ability to maintain a conversation is the key to psychological health. The lack of conversation skills becomes a serious obstacle that isolates an individual from society. Prolonged isolation leads to complete atrophy of interaction skills and the development of various psychological diseases.

What does understanding mean during communication, and how to achieve it?

Due to the subjectivity of views during a conversation, misunderstandings may arise. The views of individuals are of a subjective nature - people can understand different things under the same terms, but believe that the interlocutor shares their opinion. Misunderstandings cause conflicts. Most often it arises due to differences in age, level of education, and religious views.

To avoid misinterpretation, interlocutors should clarify controversial points. When discussing potentially conflicting topics, it is important not only to express your point of view, but also to take into account the opinion of your interlocutor. Conversation is a means that should be used consciously.

The problem of psychological influence

The problem of individual psychological influence is especially relevant now, when people’s relationships, even in a business setting, are no longer so formally regulated. Each person becomes a target of influence from many other people who previously did not have the opportunity to influence anyone due to their lack of appropriate status and authority. On the other hand, the possibilities of not only influencing, but also resisting the influence of others have expanded, so the success of influence has become much more dependent on the individual psychological capabilities of those who influence and those who are influenced.

As the experience of practical work, and above all group psychological training, shows, for many people it becomes a habitually hopeless torment to find psychologically correct ways of influencing other people - be it their own children, parents, subordinates, bosses, business partners, etc. It is characteristic that For most, the pressing problem is not so much how to influence other people, but how to resist their influence. Subjectively, much greater psychological suffering is caused by a feeling of hopelessness in one’s own attempts to overcome the influence of others or to distance oneself from it in a psychologically justified manner. One's own inability to influence other people is experienced much less acutely. In other words, it seems to most people that they know the methods of influence sufficiently for them, but the methods of resisting the influence of others are clearly not sufficient.

Meanwhile, methods of influence, consciously or unconsciously used by participants in group training, are also not always justified from a moral and ethical point of view, psychologically error-free and effective. The difficulties are further aggravated by the fact that these three characteristics are relatively independent of each other and can occur in different combinations. Influence can be “unjust” from a moral and ethical point of view, but at the same time, very skillful and instantly effective, such as manipulation. On the other hand, it may be “righteous”, but it is completely illiterate, from a psychological point of view, constructed and ineffective.

At the same time, the psychological “literacy” of building influence and its effectiveness are by no means always on the same pole. This is explained, firstly, by the fact that the criteria for the effectiveness of influence themselves are controversial. For example, very often the concept of momentary effectiveness of influence does not coincide with the concept of its psychological constructiveness, that is, its effectiveness in the long term. Secondly, psychological literacy only means that psychological rules are followed. However, a well-written text is not yet a work of art; in order for the influence to produce the required effect, it must be simply literate, but skillful, virtuosic, and artistic.

Influence can also occur when it is not specifically exerted, and it acts as an unconscious and subjectively uncontrollable phenomenon. The very presence of a certain person often leads to the fact that other people begin to be affected by his charm, his ability to unconsciously infect others with his condition or encourage them to imitate.

Features of conversation in different situations: what to consider

Since the main functions of conversation in psychology are considered to be establishing interpersonal contact and obtaining information, for a full conversation it is necessary to take into account the situation and form of communication. Main types of communication:

1. Primitive - the selection of interlocutors occurs for selfish purposes, for personal reasons.
2. Manipulative - used for gain. Means of manipulation are selected individually.
3. Spiritual - close contact between people who know each other well and have established a high degree of trust.
4. Formal-role communication occurs not with a person, but with his social image.
5. Business - the interest of the business is placed above individual characteristics, but they are also taken into account.
6. Secular - exchange of remarks that are acceptable for a specific situation. The real opinion of the interlocutors does not matter.
7. “Contact of masks” is the exchange of information of a formal nature, concealment of true views in order to distance oneself and comply with the rules accepted in society.

In everyday communication, people use several types of verbal interaction. The form of information exchange must be appropriate to the situation and time. Knowing how to communicate the right way is an important skill for establishing long-lasting relationships.

Communication styles

In communication psychology, there are several styles:

• Ritual communication is communication in which the main task is to maintain relationships with other people. In real communication, there are many so-called “rituals” - situations when a person behaves in a strictly defined way. All that is required from him is knowledge of how to behave in each specific case. For example, greeting acquaintances or strangers, talking about the weather and everyday problems - all these are elements of ritual communication.
• Manipulative communication is communication that comes down to the fact that one of the participants in the communication manipulates the other, i.e. One of the participants is a means to achieve a certain goal. But you should not assume that such communication is only negative. Professional communication and communication for the purpose of learning are manipulative in nature. In order to successfully cope with this type of communication, it is necessary to know the goals of the interlocutor, as well as the laws and techniques of manipulative communication.
• Humanistic communication is more of a personal communication that involves understanding and empathy. It is impossible to determine any single goal of humanistic communication. An example of such communication is a conversation between a doctor and a patient, pedagogical communication, etc.
• Authoritarian communication implies authoritative communication by one of the participants in communication. He does not encourage the initiative of his interlocutors; he considers his point of view to be the only correct one.
• Democratic communication - this style is characterized by encouraging the initiative of participants in the conversation, paying attention to the interests and goals of all participants in communication.
• Liberal communication. People who adhere to this style of communication are rather uninitiative, “go with the flow”, and make concessions to other participants in communication.

You need to especially carefully select your communication style when working on the psychology of communication with a client - this can be done in our online courses.

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How to tune in to the same wavelength as your interlocutors?

The general mood in the company of interlocutors is formed due to a chain reaction - the mood is transferred from one person to another. In order to get within the given framework of the discussion and not accidentally create a conflict situation within the group of interlocutors, it is important not to join the conversation right away. First, you should familiarize yourself with the topic and assess the attitude of the participants to the subject of conversation. You can't change the subject, or at least try to do it abruptly. It is important to monitor the interaction of your interlocutors and take into account their emotional reactions.

The Impact of Nonverbal Communication on Effective Communication

The human subconscious perceives non-verbal signs as more sincere. A person perceives more than half of the information from non-verbal sources. Therefore, it is important to learn how to use nonverbal methods of effective communication.

1. Repeating the gestures of the interlocutor helps to quickly establish contact and build trust.
2. Keep a distance of at least half a meter so as not to violate a person’s personal space. If you are not seeing each other for the first time and contact has already been established. You can touch the person or pat him on the shoulder.
3. While talking, do not touch your nose and lips . People perceive these gestures as signs of lying.
4. Postures and gestures during a conversation should be open . This demonstrates your goodwill and sincerity.
5. Try not to speak quickly or slowly , not to speak too loudly and to pronounce your words clearly.
6. Do not use the particle “not” , it turns the interlocutor against you. Say better: “I agree with you, but...” than “I don’t agree or you’re wrong.”
7. When listening to your interlocutor, lean forward a little and nod periodically . This is a sign that you agree with your interlocutor and are ready to cooperate.

Rules of business conversation: what not to talk about during negotiations

The peculiarity of a business conversation requires adherence to the following principles:

• dosage of information;
• expediency;
• cooperativeness;
• veracity of information;
• clarity of thoughts;
• the desire to understand the interlocutor’s thoughts;
• taking into account individual characteristics.

All participants must follow the rules of business conversation. Business negotiations do not touch upon extraneous topics, focusing around specific activities. But at the same time, it is important to take into account ethical standards and norms of behavior in order to make communication productive and comfortable.

Psychological aspects of business communication

What does the psychology of business communication study? Firstly, the influence of personality traits, such as cognitive style, temperament, introversion - extroversion, character, will, abilities, on the behavior of partners and the results of communication. Secondly, the characteristics of perception, understanding, communication barriers and psychological defenses that arise in the process of communication. Thirdly, socio-psychological factors - the needs, interests, values, motives of the subjects of communication. Fourthly, the subtext, the background of real behavior, determined by the existence of subjective, often hidden, goals of the participants in communication.

Business communication takes place in various forms:

• Business conversation;
• Business meeting;
• Business meetings;
• Public speaking.

Interpretation of positions and gestures

Nonverbal components of communication are very important in the first minutes of acquaintance. “The way you dress...” says a Russian folk proverb. And this “clothing” is not only a suit, but also a pose, a look, a smile. Not a single word has been spoken yet, but the interlocutor’s first assessment is already there. It's hard to change it later. American researchers L. Zunin and N. Zunin believe that the first four minutes of the meeting are important. Other authors give partners 120 seconds to get to know each other. In any case, two to four minutes is a fairly short time. So what is most important in this first moment of communication?

It is necessary to show interest in the upcoming conversation, readiness for constructive cooperation, and openness to new ideas and proposals. During business meetings, you should pay attention to your posture, gaze and gestures. Behavior should be natural, but some habits, if present, should be abandoned.

When negotiating with a partner, you should not adopt a posture that is characteristic of closed communication and aggressiveness: furrowed eyebrows, slightly tilted head forward, wide elbows on the table, clenched fists or clasped fingers. You should not wear glasses with tinted lenses, especially when meeting for the first time. Without seeing the other person's eyes, the partner may feel uncomfortable, since much of the information is inaccessible. This disrupts the atmosphere of communication.

The postures of the conversation participants reflect their subordination. Psychological subordination is very important - the desire to dominate or, conversely, to submit, which should not correspond to status. Sometimes the interlocutors occupy equal positions, but one of them tries to show his superiority. The first thing we need to pay attention to is the weight distribution. The man stands straight. In a straight posture we usually see “arrogance.” Pose “A” (Fig. 4), which we call “arrogant,” can only be interpreted as such if the person is simultaneously looking “down.” Therefore we attribute to the other what we call the feeling of “me down.”

The desire for dominance is manifested in positions such as: both hands on the hips, legs slightly spread; one hand on the hip, the other resting on the doorpost or wall; the head is slightly raised, hands folded behind the waist. On the contrary, when we want to emphasize an agreement with a partner, we can observe a kind of copying of his gestures. For example, V. Yuri notes that if during a friendly conversation one of the partners sits with his head propped up, then the other partner almost automatically does the same, as if saying: “I’m the same as you.” This synchronization of partners' actions is especially striking when the video recording of their conversation is viewed at an accelerated pace.

When seating participants at official receptions, it is necessary to take into account the psychological aspect. In offices, desks are often arranged in a T-shape. The higher the manager's position, the longer the letter. The visitor is invited to sit at a table led by the head of the relevant office. The attitude of dominance is immediately apparent. Sometimes an attempt is made to emphasize dominance. Sometimes the office owner acts at eye level with the interlocutor. In this case, if office space allows, you can install a separate conference table. It can also be used for meetings with subordinates when the manager wants to be at “eye level” with them.

The shape of the table affects the nature of the negotiations. It is no coincidence that the expression “round table discussion” is used. “Round table” implies equality of participants, informal nature of the meeting, free exchange of opinions and views. Coffee table conversation will be even more informal, informal. If during a conversation the owner of the house offers the guest a cup of tea or coffee, he thereby sets a friendly tone for the conversation. In such a conversation, business relationships can be considered in general terms. If there is only one T-shaped desk in the office and the office owner does not want to show dominance, he can leave his chair and sit opposite or, in less formal conversations, at an angle with the person he is talking to.

The author of many popular books on nonverbal components of communication, Dr. David Lewis, identifies four types of gestures depending on their purpose.

The first type of gestures is gestural symbols. These include, for example, the American symbol “OK”, common in many countries of the world, which means “everything is fine” and is transmitted by the thumb and forefinger forming the letter “O”.

The second type of gestures , illustrative gestures, are used to explain what is being said. With the help of such a gesture, certain messages of the message are highlighted, key points of the conversation are emphasized and, thus, are better remembered. The most common example is indicating the direction of the hand.

The third group consists of gesture controllers. They play a very important role at the beginning and end of a conversation. One of these gesture rules is the handshake . This is a traditional and ancient form of greeting. He is informative and talks a lot. It is no coincidence that the German philosopher J. Kant called the hand “the visible part of the brain.”

In the business world, a handshake is used not only as a greeting, but also as a symbol of agreement, a sign of trust and respect for a partner. The intensity and duration of the handshake are important components. For example, a short, limp handshake and very dry hands can indicate indifference.

Wet hands indicate great excitement. We must also take into account the individuality of people: There are people whose palms are almost always wet. A slightly extended handshake along with other nonverbal cues (smile, glance) indicates friendliness, but don't hold his hand for too long. This creates a feeling of being trapped, which naturally leads to irritation.

With a handshake you can convey your attitude to what is happening. “If a patient extends his hand cordially, I shake it so as not to be rude, but I do it formally and ask the question: why is he so cordial? If the patient simply demonstrates good reproduction by his behavior, I shake his hand so that we understand each other: A pleasant ritual does not interfere with work. But if I feel despair when I shake his hand, I shake it firmly, as if to say that I understand his misfortune.

1. A hand extended to shake hands and turned back emphasizes its superiority. Sometimes both hands are involved in a handshake. For example, the right hand shakes the other person's hand, and the left hand grabs the other side. This handshake is called a "gloved handshake" because the other person's hand is covered with a glove. This handshake should be avoided at the first meeting. When a warm, friendly and fairly informal relationship has been established, you can resort to a “glove” handshake.

Finally, the fourth group consists of gestures of appropriation that usually accompany our feelings and emotions. They resemble the reactions of children and appear in situations of stress, excitement and become the first signs of anxiety. For example, when a person is upset, he may rub his earlobe or clothing, and in difficult situations he may scratch the back of his head.

Gas

A glance is one of the most powerful “weapons”. The look can be hard, prickly, friendly, happy, open, hostile. “Eye contact has a powerful influence on the flow of a conversation and reveals the inner mood of the interlocutor. This may be an attempt to establish control, deception, submission, tenderness. When communicating in person, we look carefully at our partner's face.

We can use eye signals to determine the posture and mood of the interlocutor. When people first meet, they immediately make certain assumptions about the other person, usually based on what they see. 3 Usually, when people meet, they look into each other's eyes for a moment and then look away. Why? The question is not simple, and there is no clear answer to it. One possible interpretation of this signal: eye contact means the interlocutors trust each other, their openness, and a belated look into the partner’s eyes indicates a desire for dominance.

It is interesting that a woman with a smile can allow a man to look directly into her eyes a little longer. Reverse eye contact has the same effect. However, you should not abuse this “permission”, otherwise you can get a rather aggressive reaction. In general, slight hesitations when looking at a person, especially at the end of a meeting or in the most critical moments, can mean “I trust you” (with a glance, usually accompanied by a slight nod of the head), or “I am not afraid of you.”

When a person speaks, he tends to look at his partner less often than when he listens. During his own speech, it is not uncommon for a speaker to distract his eyes in order to collect his thoughts. An intermittent glance during a pause usually means: “I haven’t said everything yet, please don’t interrupt me.” Looking away while your partner is listening has a completely different meaning, for example: “I don’t quite agree with you; I have objections; it's not obvious; I have doubts; I need to think about it.”

Shifting your gaze to the side too often during a conversation may indicate that the person is nervous or has little interest in the conversation and wants to end it as soon as possible.

Characteristics of Group Psychology

Society is a system of interaction between individuals and groups with different content, complexity and functions. In large groups, the individual is identified socially and psychologically by gender, age, socio-economic status, professional, ethnic and political affiliation.

In small groups, the real life process is carried out, social, communicative and psychological characteristics, skills, and abilities are formed and practiced. That is, groups are objectively existing communities that ensure the process of socialization of the individual. A distinction is made between groups, organizations and groups.

Groups can be formal or informal. A formal group is created as an element of a larger community with predetermined goals. For example, a group working on a research project or a student group. However, it should be noted that the research group is united around the purpose of the activity, while the student group is organized externally in the interests of the educational process. An informal group is an association of people on a topic of interest only to themselves, for example, a group of friends or a group of Czech beer lovers.

The psychology of a group is a system of socio-psychological phenomena that arise in the process of its functioning. These include: moral and psychological climate, distribution of roles, information transmission system, communication methods, types of conflicts, norms, rituals and traditions. In addition, three areas can be distinguished in group psychology:

• Psychology of professional activity: relationships of subordination between boss and subordinates, division of labor and coordination of efforts in solving common problems, “man-machine” relations. In a student group, for example, it is the attitude to study, relationships with teachers, the distribution of student roles - who takes notes in lectures, who answers first in exams. At the department: relationships between teachers and the head of the department, division of pedagogical, methodological and organizational responsibility, attitude towards students.
• Sphere of values: the relationship between personal and corporate values. For example, for us Russians, unfortunately, public criticism of our country is typical; in America, the norm is the difference between personal views and the necessary loyalty in statements.
• Sphere of interpersonal relations: Sympathy, friendship, love and enmity that bind group members. The satisfaction or dissatisfaction of group members with their activities and position, along with the system of ethical standards, is expressed in the moral and psychological climate of the group. In this process, a person may be a formal member of the group, but not feel psychological unity with it.

Group norms

In the context of group development and business communication in a group, the issue of conformity requires special attention. Conformity is the free or forced acceptance of group norms. In what cases will a person be, maybe should, or will be a conformist?

• The more difficult the task or the more incompetent the person, the higher the level of conformity. That is, if a person has to solve a problem that he has never solved before, he will rather act according to a pattern or “how it is done in such cases” than to show independence.
• Conformity is higher when a decision or statement is made public.
• A person demonstrates the highest conformity when in a group 2-3 people are attractive to him and have a high status.

It should be noted that conformity is, in fact, a normal and desirable style of behavior in a group. If you have “we-feelings”, promote a positive image of the group, organization, team, do not oppose yourself to others, and wisely follow group norms, then the group provides you with psychological comfort.

In addition to conformism, there is also the opposite position - non-acceptance of group norms. It also exists in various forms:

• Resistance to established traditions of work and communication. At the heart of all change is a minority, even a minority of one. Minorities are the people who offer a “game changer.” The minority that is stronger in its position has more influence than the majority. The minority tends to create self-doubt among the majority. A stubborn minority destroys the illusion of unanimity. Those who consistently pursue their goals and are endowed with the charisma of self-confidence change the course of history;
• Nonconformism is an open disregard for group norms. This awareness and behavior is typical of adolescents and open-minded individuals. They can manifest themselves in public criticism of the group’s activities, disregard for traditions and rituals, a demonstrative rejection of corporate ethics and the desire to maintain a positive image of the group.

Problems arise when communicating: how to identify and avoid them

The main problem of interpersonal communication arises when interlocutors pursue different goals. For one of them, interaction is a means of obtaining benefits, for the other it is a search for emotional intimacy. The inability or unwillingness to correctly identify the purpose of the conversation causes misunderstanding. The greater the difference in the views of the interlocutors, the higher the chances of an unproductive conversation that causes a negative reaction from all participants.

Psychologists believe that to avoid problems in communication, the mutual desire of the interlocutors is sufficient. A friendly attitude and attention can smooth out the initial awkwardness.

Why does mistrust arise, how to get closer to your interlocutor?

Personal characteristics and situations often interfere with full rapprochement. Tension arises between the interlocutors; they are wary and withdrawn. Rapprochement is prevented by:

• an initially negative attitude towards the interlocutor;
• unwillingness to listen to opposing opinions;
• the desire to suppress the interlocutor, to impose one’s opinion;

Getting closer is easier if the participants in the conversation are friendly, have similar views, and belong to the same age group.

The main task of conversation, the main functions of verbal speech

Communication should be pleasant; its main goal is to enjoy the interaction. The main condition for comfortable interaction is the ability to be in the same verbal field.

To increase mutual understanding, verbal communication should be supplemented with non-verbal means: facial expressions, posture, gestures. The correct choice of non-verbal means helps to satisfy the basic needs realized through communication: emotional exchange, intellectual saturation.

Psychology of communicating with girls: how to start a conversation to interest any girl

Men use conversation to exchange specific information, seek approval from other men, and confirm their opinions. For girls, communication is a means of emotional exchange. To interest a girl in a conversation, you should start it with an unobtrusive compliment. Praise is attractive and encourages reciprocal engagement.

The topic of conversation is suggested by the initiator, but it is important to take into account the girl’s interests. If she continues the conversation out of politeness, but is not interested, the conversation will be crumpled and strained.

To arouse interest, it is important to let your interlocutor know that she is special. Crude flattery repels, but sincere sympathy wins. It is important to behave confidently, but not intrusively. Respect is the main rule of conversation, so in case of direct refusal, you cannot insist on continuing the conversation.

Methods of effective communication from Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie is known throughout the world as the author of the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” The methods of effective communication recommended by the psychologist are very popular, as they are relevant and useful for everyone. Let's look at the main ten methods of effective communication:

1. Be a good listener. Before expressing or imposing your opinion, it is better to hear the opinion of your interlocutor on a certain topic. This will help not only to win the person over, but also to anticipate his reaction to a particular topic in advance.
2. Show sincere interest in the interlocutor , ask him questions. In this case, he will express as much information about himself as possible. This will build your trust and help you redirect the conversation in the direction you want.
3. Behave diplomatically , do not get carried away with criticism. Talk more about the fact that you agree with the interlocutor, but in some nuances you think a little differently. Speak softly and do not focus on the person’s shortcomings. Ask questions so that the interlocutor answers them in the affirmative. This way you will achieve agreement during the further conversation.
4. Never argue. Listen to other people's opinions and show respect. Perhaps you really did not take into account or overlooked something. There are never winners in an argument. Everyone has their own opinion, but it’s worth hearing the opposite opinion.
5. If you want a person to do something, then you need to make him want it. Awaken the person's interest and desire to achieve what you need.
   

   When fishing, without thinking about my own preferences, I bait the hook not with strawberries and cream, but with a worm. © Dale Carnegie

6. Don't try to convey your idea to the end . Unobtrusively talk about your idea, and let the person get excited about it and develop this idea. Let him think that she belongs to him. Then he will selflessly want to bring it to life.
7. When listening to a person's problem, put yourself in his place . This will help you quickly understand and understand its essence.
8. Never give orders , it hurts a person’s self-esteem. It’s better to ask him questions, and let him decide for himself how to cope with this or that task. This develops creative thinking and relieves you of resentment from your subordinates.
9. Tell the person how valuable and important he is . Self-love and a sense of importance are great incentives to work.
10. To draw attention to your ideas, present them in a bright and visual way. For example, like in advertising. A boring presentation with graphs and numbers will leave everyone indifferent. A strong presentation will draw attention to your idea.

Dale Carnegie's methods of effective communication help people become more successful and influential communicators, avoid conflicts and disputes, and gain confidence in their words and actions.

Why is a person afraid of communication: reasons and ways to combat phobia?

Fear of communication often occurs in early childhood. At the first unsuccessful attempt to talk with peers, the child becomes withdrawn and avoids contact. Pressure from adults only increases his discomfort, causing him to become self-absorbed and afraid of people. If a person does not cope with the problem of social anxiety in adulthood, he is deprived of the opportunity to create normal work and friendships.

The situation can be corrected with targeted long-term therapy. Fear of talking can be treated by gradually engaging in social interaction. At first, a person learns to have short-term conversations with strangers, gradually complicating the forms of interaction to multi-level close contact.

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Methods used for effective communication

1. It is necessary to create a calm environment and stop being nervous, as your state is instantly conveyed to your interlocutor or audience to whom you need to speak. You also need to create conditions in which nothing distracts you from the conversation or attracts the attention of the audience.
2. First, convey your situation to your interlocutor and give the person the opportunity to express his opinion about his attitude towards it. Based on this information, you can now express your opinion to your interlocutor or opponent. Having learned in advance a person’s attitude to a particular topic, it is much easier to influence a person.
3. Another effective communication method is inclusion in the situation. Tell the person a story from your life with a similar ending.
4. It is very important to learn not to judge a person, not to label him. Try to understand what he says without distorting and interpreting the information in your own way. To do this, do not hesitate to ask questions: “Did I understand you correctly? What did you mean by this? etc"
5. If you need to convince a person, tell him several stories from your life with the ending you want. In your speech, refer to authoritative sources of information.
6. Help the person draw the right conclusions and tell them all the advantages of solving a certain problem with a new method. Be direct about your intentions and voice your proposal.
7. After the end of the negotiations or speech, say that you enjoyed communicating and you intend to continue cooperation. Regardless of the outcome of the conversation, you are ready to provide help or service at any time.