Common fear and phobia - is there a difference between them? Yes, and very big. Fear is a state, an emotion, in which a person experiences severe anxiety from a real or imagined threat. At these moments, adrenaline enters the blood - the hormone of fear, which mobilizes the body's hidden reserves and allows one to avoid danger.
Fear is even useful in cases where it protects against reckless actions, thereby preserving life. It would be wrong to ask yourself the question of how to overcome fear in a situation where there is not an imaginary, but a very real threat. But in cases where fear arises without any significant reasons, when it is cyclical and cannot be controlled, then we are talking about a phobia.
Phobias, which picture dangers in a person’s imagination that most often do not exist, have an extremely negative impact on his life, limit freedom, subjugating part of a person’s life.
Once a fear has turned into a phobia, it is almost impossible to overcome it on your own ; it is a mental disorder, and you cannot do without the help of a specialist. Early diagnosis of phobias largely determines the effectiveness of therapy and how soon they will stop preventing you from living your life to the fullest. Don't put off visiting your doctor!
Fear and love are two components,
two sides of the same coin that are constantly present side by side. So the question is, who are you friends with more often?
We humans have a working tool, which we call consciousness. Its important feature is to evolve and increase its dimension in space. We call this process the growth and expansion of consciousness.
So, measuring the level of your consciousness, the presence of the process itself, is only possible through understanding with whom you are more often friends, what you more often choose: love or fear.
In friendship with fear, a person is afraid of everything: of being misunderstood; look wrong; suddenly they won’t support him; his point of view will be wrong; suddenly the decision made turns out to be wrong.
Fortune tellers are held in high esteem here: will I be happy with this person or not; I will make money from this job; the boss will be good or unlucky again; what kind of job to look for; where is my money; suddenly this job doesn’t pay; suddenly the husband will kick you out or leave for someone else.
A person in friendship with fear is afraid of everything, he always thinks that he is taking risks. In all areas: relationships, career, money. A person lives from states of low vibrations: fear, guilt, resentment, claims to life and fate.
Fears keep a person within limits and conditions. There are many situations in life that you don’t like and don’t suit. But for change to come, it is important to change something. But fear holds on and everything remains the same.
Fear of running out of money
People who have experienced serious financial shortages or material problems in the past may continue to live in the same scenario, as if their wallet was a source of problems rather than pleasure. The fear of lack is recorded in the memory so strongly that over time it manifests itself in the woman’s lifestyle. Psychologist Anetta Orlova discusses this topic.
“A rich man who becomes poor behaves like a rich man for another 40 years. The poor man who was poor behaves like a poor man for another 40 years after he gets rich.” This Eastern wisdom largely explains the nature of this fear.
It is believed that when earnings decrease, a woman gains weight, apparently in the hips and waist, as if protecting herself from her own fear. In general, the strong fear of being left with nothing is expressed differently for everyone.
One possible manifestation is extreme workaholism. By the way, it is recognized as one of the forms of benign aggression, that is, such a reaction is characteristic of active, life-loving and purposeful women. Women who experienced material need in childhood begin to work very hard in adulthood. Earnings come to the fore for them. And the main motive for their constant employment is to prevent a repetition of the situation with material hunger. Such women begin to control the entire space around them, they achieve a lot, but often acquire masculine character traits.
There is another manifestation of this fear. People who have experienced conflicts with their material well-being begin to look for sources of income by any means necessary. Most often, these are people who do not want to work hard; they try to find a source of survival not within themselves, but outside. You've probably met representatives of this type. They say that there is no work anywhere, that they are not the right age, they are ready to be boring and grumble endlessly, but at the same time, if they are offered a job, for example, as a cashier in the subway or a spectator in a television extras, they will grin and say that this job is not for them. Such ladies put on the mask of an unhappy person and take on the role of a victim. These are people offended by fate who supposedly simply do not have the opportunity to earn money - they do not have the abilities, means and fortunate circumstances to start making good money. Such a person is constantly in search of some kind of resource: he writes to specific authorities, receives subsidies, cries to relatives and throws requests for help left and right. They are especially brutal in the struggle for inheritance. This sacrificial image sometimes turns at lightning speed into the image of a persecutor, who can be frightened by the employer, the bailiffs and those who share apartment meters with them.
Another type is people who are afraid of losing everything they ever earn. Often such fear occurs among the descendants of those repressed or dispossessed. At the genetic level, these people remember that being rich in the family is life-threatening, as a result of which they show laziness and disinterest in the sphere of material realization, and those around them cannot understand where the roots of this behavior are. Such people don’t even try to make money, believing that “since they won’t succeed anyway,” then there’s no point in even trying.
Sometimes a person earns a lot and at the same time spends all the money instantly, doing this in a completely unconstructive manner. You can't call him a shopaholic. A woman can happily spend half her salary on a bag from the latest fashion collection, and then save on kefir. The reason for such illogical actions lies at an early age: in childhood, these people were deprived of some opportunities and could not afford what their peers had. Growing up, such a woman wants to compensate for her childhood desires; she still feels like a little girl who walks past shop windows with unattainably expensive toys, and is now trying to buy the most impossible thing. You don’t have to look far for an example: one of my friends, a 23-year-old girl, is a typical impulsive shopper. As a child, her family moved to Russia from Kazakhstan and for a significant time, until they got an apartment, they lived in a dormitory. No worse than others, but, of course, quite modest. A few years later, things started to improve: my parents began to earn good money, my heroine went to get a higher education. From the very first year she started working part-time. The laudable desire for material independence turned into a disregard for studies, but did not lead to financial independence. On payday, an invasion of the shopping center was organized - and the money was gone! It is noteworthy that the items purchased were expensive: luxury cosmetics, clothes from boutiques. Now a friend of mine works two jobs, earns twice as much as her peers, and at the same time managed to put 4 (!) loans on herself for the most ordinary things! A person cannot save up for a down payment on a small car, let alone a large sum...
A woman’s fear that she will be left without money is intensified by the following factors: negative experiences in her past life (unsecured family) and complete financial dependence on her husband (the husband is the only source of income in the family, and the woman does not earn money or does not have a profession).
Fear of the future is due to the fact that we perceive any surprise as a negative fact - something can happen, and we will be powerless. Today, a material resource is not a luxury, but a means of livelihood. This is a guarantee of better quality services (education, medicine, food) and, as a result, a safer life. The need for safety and security in humans is the second most important after the primary physiological (hunger, thirst, sleep, sex), the so-called basic needs. So the set “apartment, work, circle of friends, relationships with parents and children” is a contribution to your personal peace of mind.
Fear breeds uncertainty.
You are not sure, you have no guarantee, although you go like everyone else.
What if you try and take a step towards your dream? Small? Scary.
A person relies on thoughts—horror stories—and begins to live from them. Where do these horror stories come from? This is a previous negative experience, as well as the unsuccessful experience of other people, and maybe fictional movie characters.
The universe works differently. Take a step, then another opens. Yes. Choice and step are work. You just need to face fear.
I myself went nowhere during one of the periods of my life, which led me along the path of change.
The inspiration to write this article was a letter from my student, she is a psychologist.
“It turns out that my clients show me my insecurities, my attitude towards myself and my knowledge? My swing. My wish is for everyone to be a good psychologist.
And do you know what I allowed myself? I gave myself permission to not like other people. I agree that my point of view may not be accepted and that is normal.
But that doesn't mean I have to go out of my way.
Thank you, Marina, for teaching me to believe in myself!”
Symptoms of peniaphobia
Many people experience discomfort at the thought of being poor, but this is not always a phobic disorder. Most often, it is the fear of being left without money, which forces people to look for any job and do things that do not bring joy. You can get rid of fears if you find a well-paid occupation that you like or accumulate savings that you can live on for a long time in case you lose your job.
Another type of fear is thoughts of sudden impoverishment that haunt a person who has actually experienced a similar situation. This condition may be caused by post-traumatic stress disorder and may go away over time - on its own or with the help of a psychotherapist. Or PTS turns into a phobia.
Symptoms of the developed disease include both classic signs of phobia and specific changes in behavior.
Typical symptoms include the following:
- heartbeat disturbance;
- unusually heavy sweating;
- mood swings;
- panic attacks;
- depression and apathy;
- loss of willpower;
- thinking disorder;
- lack of enthusiasm;
- loss of interest in previously favorite activities.
Specific signs include:
- excessive stinginess;
- excessive spending of money;
- passion for stockpiling food, clothing, unnecessary items and other items;
- suspicious attitude towards others.
A pathological thirst to save on everything, even to the point of giving up the most necessary things, limiting oneself and loved ones in food and clothing, is common. There is a known case of the death of an elderly American woman who ate exclusively oatmeal and water and died from chronic malnutrition. After her death, it was discovered that the American woman had accumulated several million dollars in her accounts.
Conspicuous spending of money, buying unnecessary things is a way to prove to yourself and others your worth. This type of behavior is characteristic of individuals dependent on public opinion.
The “Plyushkin effect” is also not uncommon.
Many people clutter their homes with unnecessary things that might come in handy someday. Supplies consist of food, often of low quality or expired, purchased at a very low price, clothes that no one ever wears, old furniture, and household items. Patients with a particularly acute form of peniaphobia do not hesitate to collect things thrown into the trash. Suspicion is the other side of stinginess and fear. Peniaphobes are suspicious of their loved ones, believing that they want to take their property for themselves. Businessmen refuse deals, not trusting their partners, suspecting them of deception and wanting to take risks.
There are other forms of behavioral changes.
If you don't like it, it's a signal for action.
A man travels in a reserved seat carriage. Suddenly he realizes that it would be more comfortable to extend the journey in the SV carriage.
For this to happen, you need to get out of one carriage and go to another. If such a transition does not occur, then the journey will continue in a reserved seat carriage.
So, creating yourself, your life, is a choice: to remain in fear or to get out of it and live out of a feeling of love.
Public speaking occurs in everyone's life; important dialogue, and it doesn’t matter with a partner, with a child, with a mother. I often worry that I might make a mistake, but suddenly it won’t work out.
Turn Anxiety into an Ally
Another thing is that now, due to the defensive reaction of the psyche, many people have an inadequate feeling of anxiety - either too strong, close to panic, or too weak, even to the point of denying danger. Some people develop aggression, anger, rage at restrictions and the inability to get around them. This applies to both the consequences of the virus and the economic ones.
Anxiety is blocked energy. The body and nervous system are mobilized to be ready to respond to the challenge, but it is not clear what to do, so the energy does not find an outlet and manifests itself in the form of tension, insomnia, rapid heartbeat, pain, repetitive thoughts, and so on.
To reduce anxiety, you need to, firstly, recognize it, and secondly, start doing something about it. For example, buy antipyretics in case of shortage or inability to leave the house. Thus, the very decision to somehow prepare for a possible danger already reduces stress and gives confidence.
Techniques for decision making and anxiety reduction
Be left alone with yourself in a calm environment. Look deep into yourself and admit to yourself honestly what exactly worries you and what exactly you are afraid of. Ask yourself: “What exactly scares me the most? What's the worst that can really happen?" Fear has big eyes, and therefore its specification can already reduce it.
We must try to assess the prospects of the epidemic, the development of the economic situation, and possible risks. It can be unpleasant to think about, but when we face reality, we find our footing. This helps to make the right decisions based on the present state of affairs, and not fantasies. You need to understand what depends on you and what you cannot influence, and focus on the first.
Then, having realized what the situation is and what exactly is bothering you, you can decide how you will act. But the most important thing is to implement this decision. This will release energy blocked by fear.
Several parameters are important in this process:
- collection of information;
- risk assessment;
- resources.
To collect information and assess risks, read analytics that you trust (serious sources of information include, for example, Kommersant, RBC, Vedomosti), and think through the options for your further actions (for your peace of mind, it is better to write them down).
Then think about your resources: what skills you have; what may be forgotten assets; what kind of social connections - perhaps you will understand that it’s time to update them or pull them out of the dusty closet. Accumulating resources in itself will help reduce feelings of powerlessness and reduce anxiety.
At this stage, it is good to check whether the anxiety has decreased and whether there is anything else bothering you - and if so, then go back to the beginning and do all the steps again.
But the most important thing is to implement the decision made. This will give an outlet to energy blocked by fear and a feeling of powerlessness, and will reduce the level of anxiety and aggression.
Let's look at what fear is.
We begin to be afraid, it would seem, well, okay. And at this time a person does not belong to himself, he is completely overcome by fear.
Increased heart rate, headaches, trembling of limbs, nausea, and anxiety. These symptoms cause a surge of adrenaline, changes in blood composition and pressure.
This is the state when we find ourselves in a fight or flight situation. This is the state before an attack on an enemy, a hunter of prey. This is how the reptilian brain works. We feel a change in our physiology and we begin to slow down. This is exactly the anxiety that we need and it is important to turn into useful energy.
As soon as you feel the presence of adrenaline in the blood (fear), this is a powerful signal from the subconscious that says: WE ARE READY TO ACT.
Further, due to the fact that we do not translate this readiness into action, a condition begins to accumulate, like an unpleasant feeling of fear. Anticipation of something terrible.
And if we translate this state into action, then delight comes. For example, when I was young, it was scary to go to a disco for the first time. We came, we don’t show that it’s scary. If you stand on the sidelines, fear accumulates. And if you follow the impulse of action, then delight.
Cognitive behavioral therapy
One of the most effective methods of combating phobias, which is gaining increasing popularity in Russia, is cognitive behavioral therapy. Cognitive techniques help to recognize and analyze the mechanisms of occurrence of phobias, and subsequently change/correct a person’s negative perception of events or situations.
Cognitive behavioral therapy is a joint work of a patient and a psychologist, during which a person acquires the skills of independent control of his thinking, emotions, behavior, and physiology. By monitoring one's emotional state and trying to change negative thinking, a person has the opportunity to resist attacks of uncontrollable fear and overcome the fatality of panic that accompanies this fear.
Making an appointment with a specialist is your first bold step in the fight against a phobia.
We are ready to help you! Call us
Negotiation practice
- We take a breath, one deep exhale. Reconnecting with our unconscious. It is important not just to react to fear, but to restore connection with the signal that came from the unconscious. Place your hand calmly on the place where this feeling of fear arises. If you train, you can remember this state of fear and discomfort. Usually this is the chest area, solar plexus.
- Close your eyes, turn inward, direct your attention deep into yourself. It’s as if you can mentally reach out and touch this place. Turning to your Divine, to your Higher Self, ask to guide you through this dialogue: “Dear unconscious, thank you for this signal. And now I ask you, turn this feeling, which is not very suitable for me at this moment, for me it is uncomfortable, into a feeling of warmth and inner readiness to act.
- Observe how heat and internal energy accumulate in this place. This is how I feel about it. It's all about the sensations, the feeling. If something is not pleasant, then we can ask our subconscious to transfer this state to another one that is pleasant to us. This signal, into some other form of signal.
The faces of “money” fear
The fear of money has many faces and hides deep in the unconscious, so it can most often be identified by indirect signs. “There are people who have absorbed the parental or social
attitude that “money is dirt .
They often despise wealthy people and consider them scammers. Another marker is an obsession with saving
.
It manifests itself in the fact that a person experiences great joy when he gets something very cheap, or even more so for free. Saving for him is the center of his inner world, an important source of pleasure.
Therefore, when he manages to buy something for very little money and ride like a hare, he gets a real thrill,”
says the psychologist.
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Fear of money also manifests itself in criticism of those who spend “more”
, strives to bring himself small joys, does not perceive the world as a place for suffering and survival. Thus, a preschool daughter who asks to buy a fashion doll, such a person will eagerly begin to convince her that she does not need an expensive toy. And he will ridicule the friend who gave his wife a dishwasher: they say, he fell for the white-handed whining.
Contempt for the “bourgeoisie”, genuine joy from life in austerity, condemnation of “sybarites” - all these are manifestations of envy
. But since not everyone is able to admit it even to themselves, most people feel insulted if they hear addressed to them: “Maybe you’re just jealous?”, and vehemently deny that they are familiar with this “ignoble” feeling. Keep in mind: the phrase “I never envy anyone!” betrays an envious person with all his might.
Some people are deprived of sleep and peace if they have a large amount of money, by their standards. “They don’t find a place for themselves, because their imagination paints gloomy pictures: the money will be lost, or stolen, or will depreciate overnight. Anxiety subsides only when a person “gets rid” of money.
And if he goes to the store for this, he experiences not joy from the purchase, but relief from the fact that he no longer has to worry about the safety of his money,”
explains Anna Khidiryan.
In a difficult situation, contact a specialist
Sometimes it is difficult to cope with a stressful situation on your own.
The emergency psychological assistance service for the public will help you by calling +7 495 051, you can talk to them free of charge (for up to an hour) and alleviate your acute psychological condition. However, for a long-term effect, it is worth contacting a psychologist for a series of consultations - now this can also be done online.
You can look for novice psychologists in specialized groups on social networks - some of them hold free assistance campaigns. For example, in the community of graduates of the Moscow Institute of Gestalt and Psychodrama on Facebook, there are offers with free consultations with psychologists or with consultations for a nominal fee of 100–500 rubles. However, remember that free psychological help may have a drawback - when receiving free services, the client is not always fully motivated, and a novice therapist, although well trained, may not have sufficient experience. Just like when looking for a good doctor, you need to focus on your feelings, trust yourself, and weigh price and quality. To effectively work with a psychologist, it is better to choose a price that is significant, so that you have the motivation to work on changing your life, but not excessive, so that you can actually afford it.
Read on the topic: Advice from psychologists: how to survive a crisis, self-isolation and worry about loved ones
