These 9 tips will help you teach your child not to be hurt and to stand up for himself.
- Don't let anyone violate your rights . No one has the right to force you to act against your will, threaten you, tease you or hurt you. If you are not comfortable with the situation, you should gather your courage and defend yourself with words or actions. But you also should not violate the rights of other people!
- Be confident in your actions and thoughts . Maintain positive self-esteem in your child and praise him for his personal opinion. Praise for good deeds, teach them to react to their own mistakes. Appreciate your child and his successes, and then he will be confident in himself.
- Believe in the best . Teach your child to notice the good and not dwell on the negative. It is easier for an optimist to perceive the world; such people attract the same positive people and the same positivity.
- You have the right to your personal opinion . It is necessary to create different conditions for communication with different people, to involve children in this communication, so that they learn to express their opinions, start and maintain a conversation. Experience of communicating with different people in different situations will give you confidence.
- Fighting is not the best option . Fighting is not always the best way out of a situation. Often it only strengthens it. Words help much better in such situations!
- Never support children who tease you or others . Teach your child that he and other people have a name, which is a real value. All other nicknames and teasing should be ignored.
- Never be afraid to refuse and say no . It is important that the child understands that he has a choice. That he can always refuse, say no. And most importantly, his choice will be respected.
- Ask for help . Teach your child to ask for help if he can’t cope on his own. The first thing you should do is contact your parents.
- Play sports . Sport, especially if there is success, greatly increases self-confidence and self-confidence. Sport develops patience and endurance.
Get used to the idea
The thought of demanding something or arguing can be uncomfortable, especially if you are used to going with the flow and find it easier to remain silent than to speak up. But remember that standing up for your opinion is a positive habit. You don't have to get cocky or be a bitch for others to respect you.
According to Psychology Today, true self-confidence is going after what you want in a manner that is respectful to others. Stop viewing expressing your opinion as an act of aggression, and the idea of being more assertive will no longer seem scary.
Aggressive
Some people do just that. They begin to be loudly indignant, swear, and demand what they need. As a rule, such people get their way. In the restaurant example, with an aggressive type of communication, you call the waiter and demand that the food be replaced immediately. At the same time, you are indignant, perhaps saying that the waiter does not know how to work. Perhaps you add that this restaurant is not worth visiting at all for decent people.
This behavior is not very polite in a restaurant, but it will not affect your income or your career. However, in the team where you work or in the family, this style of behavior is unacceptable. If you always behave aggressively at work, you are unlikely to achieve success in your career. Most likely, your colleagues will not be able to cooperate with you. You might even lose your job.
Be a little selfish
The habit of constantly sacrificing yourself and putting other people's interests above yours will ultimately lead to you starting to feel tired, dissatisfied, and accumulating resentment. Don’t expect those around you to suddenly see the light and definitely repay your kindness. We all look at the same things differently, so people may be nice to you but genuinely not notice your needs. Maintain healthy egoism within yourself. Learn to prioritize and take care of yourself, not just others.
Overtime work
Quite often it happens that the boss asks you to stay late at work . He can do this explicitly - simply ask to do extra urgent work . Or a hint - ask to do this or that work today, knowing that you will not meet the working hours. But if you work officially, you can refuse to let your boss work overtime. Of course, if this happened once or twice, and the boss himself is uncomfortable asking you to stay, there is no need to go to the trouble of defending your rights. You can help out a couple of times.
But if this situation begins to repeat itself too often, and you are afraid that it may become normal, it is better to do so. The boss came up to you and asked: “Dear Elena Ivanovna, this report is very urgent, it needs to be done as quickly as possible!” .You: “Dear Ivan Ivanovich, I understand you. Unfortunately, today my working day is already over, but tomorrow morning I’ll start working on this report first thing!” After repeating this situation several times, the shev will clearly understand that, no matter what, you will not stick around every time.
Distinguish between what is worth fighting for and what is not.
Some moments are not worth spending energy on. If it's a fleeting situation where a random passerby is rude to you simply because he had a bad day, it's easier to let it go than to prove him wrong. But when we are talking about a loved one, colleague or relative with whom you will have to interact more than once, you should immediately explain your position to him in order to eliminate further conflicts.
Being able to stand up for yourself does not mean arguing with everyone about every issue. Learn to find a healthy balance between setting boundaries and not reacting to minor irritants.
Why is it important to be able to stand up for yourself?
Every person is influenced by circumstances and the society around him. Other people do not always treat us with due respect. Sometimes conflicts occur that can seriously damage self-esteem. The inability to protect oneself in a conflict situation leads to increased self-doubt, anxiety and dissatisfaction. Stress increases and you can't cope with it.
Communication with other people should be based on mutual respect. If a person crosses the line, it is important to confront him, otherwise you will forever lose his respect and then be attacked again. It is important for every person not only to listen to others, but also to be heard. It is necessary to defend your position, and not retreat under a stream of criticism. To achieve heights, self-realization, and achieve your goals, you need to be able to communicate correctly with the people around you. That's why it's important to know how to stand up for yourself.
Don't apologize when you ask for something
The plaintive “sorry” often replaces an address to the interlocutor or serves simply to connect words, but it has a specific meaning. You should not ask for forgiveness for expressing your opinion, request, or simply existing.
Talk about your problem and offer a solution - this way you will remain true to your boundaries and beliefs. By starting with an apology, you are deliberately putting yourself in a weak position. To stay polite, there are other wonderful words like “thank you” and “please.”
Inaction or cowardice
Imagine that you went to a restaurant with your partner. There you ordered a dish, specifying the ingredients included in it. For example, you asked that mushrooms not be added to the salad because you cannot eat them for health reasons. But the waiter did not understand or ignored your request and brought a dish with mushrooms. Your partner suggests that you call the waiter and tell him to change the dish, but you are afraid of seeming like a confrontational person. Perhaps you do not want to bother the waiter or you are ashamed to voice your request again. So you simply select the mushrooms and move them to the edge of the plate. Your mood is spoiled, and your partner thinks that you are just afraid. But it was possible to ask the waiter to replace the dish without creating a conflict situation.
Learn to use body language correctly
If you have problems with confidence, you should work not only on your self-esteem, but also on your gestures. Pay attention to how you behave while talking with someone: do you slouch, fold your arms over your chest, or fuss. By correcting these mistakes, you can make the right impression on your interlocutor and feel stronger.
To project a confident image, psychotherapist Heidi McBain says to first work on feeling better about yourself. Get enough sleep, eat right, strengthen your mental health, look for positive stimuli in your surroundings. If you feel calm and good inside, it will definitely show up on the outside.
Incorrect manner of communication
It is the manner of communication that determines the attitude of the interlocutor in the communication process. If you speak quietly and are afraid to look others in the eyes, it is easier for you to remain silent than to defend your own point of view, you always retreat under someone else’s pressure, which means you are a very insecure person, and it is very difficult for you to stand up for yourself. Most likely, people around you often take advantage of this, but you are unlikely to be satisfied with this state of affairs.
Attacks on your interlocutor, elevated tone, excessive emotionality during an argument, insults and rudeness during conversation characterize you as an aggressive person. In this case, most likely, those around you may suffer from your attacks.
To communicate normally with people, you need to behave openly, but not aggressively, you need to respect both your interlocutor and yourself, not be afraid of other people’s opinions, but also not try to impose your own. You should not fulfill other people's requests if you yourself do not want it or if it is not profitable for you. You need to learn to refuse others. Next, let's look at how to learn to stand up for yourself.
Set boundaries
Boundaries are needed not only to be able to stand up for yourself. They give other people an idea of how you expect to be treated. As clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow explains, personal boundaries are what actions you are not willing to accept or tolerate from other people.
Boundaries can change over time, but their formation is an ongoing process. We have already told you how to organize it in communication with friends, colleagues or a partner.
Build self-confidence
Only a confident person can achieve heights. No one has the right to consider themselves superior to others. We are all equal and have the right to our own point of view. You must defend your opinion, and you must ensure that you yourself do not violate the rights and freedoms of others. Respect others, but first of all, start respecting yourself. How to stand up for yourself? Become a confident person, do not be afraid of the people around you. Show others that you are worthy of respect.
Increase your vocabulary
So, in order to learn how to respond beautifully and competently to rudeness, you must expand your vocabulary. After all, it is verbiage that will help you create a colorful, non-standard response to an insult.
How to do it? It's simple - read more fiction. It is she who helps to learn new words. Don’t be afraid to use a dictionary to find out the meaning of words you don’t understand, because this is the only way you will increase your active vocabulary.
In addition to the vocabulary, fiction sometimes provides vivid and lively examples of answers for various situations. Let's take, for example, the well-known Don Quixote. Look how sharply, beautifully and sonorously Sancho always answers. Stendhal, Chekhov, Dostoevsky and many, many others.
Companion in the hall
Another way to transform an unpleasant, alien environment into a comfortable one is to bring with you a person who is present at the training sessions and is subconsciously perceived as an element of the familiar atmosphere.
If invited relatives or friends can bring down the athlete’s mood, cause even greater excitement and fear of disgrace, then a sparring partner, coach or section mate, on the contrary, mobilizes the psyche, bringing a piece of peace to a new place.
The same effect is obtained as with worn-out ammunition: knowing that there is someone in the gym who has seen both defeats and victories in training, the boxer prepares himself: despite the different place, the situation is the same, and there is nothing to worry about
Assertive
This style of communication is the most optimal. You demand what is due to you, but at the same time you do not offend anyone or raise your voice. You speak exclusively specifically, but in a confident tone. By doing this, you demonstrate steadfastness in your desire to defend your demands and show respect for your interlocutor. Let's remember the example of a restaurant. The assertive type of communication involves calling the waiter over and telling him that you would appreciate it if he would change the dish because you can't eat mushrooms. You can add that when ordering you asked for a salad without mushrooms.
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Symptoms of fear
The brain quickly assesses the situation and sends a signal to the somatic system to activate defense mechanisms. This system is responsible for uncontrollable manifestations of fear under the influence of the hormone adrenaline.
When it enters the blood, it causes the following changes:
- dilation of the pupils - the amount of light falling on the lenses of the eyes increases, which allows you to better see the enemy, especially in the dark;
- blood vessels narrow, increasing pressure at this time and reducing the risk of bleeding when injured;
- increased sense of smell – improvement of the body’s defense mechanisms.
These symptoms may also cause dizziness, headache, tremors and upset stomach.
Fear can lead to stomach upset
How to become assertive
Many people prefer not to leave their comfort zone, so they agree with everything. In some cases, leaving the zone is simply necessary, since your interests will be infringed. If you systematically give in to everyone, your self-esteem will decrease. You will not feel satisfied, you will be unhappy with yourself all the time. This state of affairs can become toxic for you. Therefore, try to defend your interests under any circumstances if the issue is of a fundamental nature. This will make your life easier. No one will ever call you a coward. Remember to have self-esteem and never let other people manipulate you. But when defending your interests, never cross the line, respect your interlocutor and behave correctly.
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Ritualization of preparation
The human psyche is designed in such a way that it behaves best not just in familiar surroundings, but also when it is clear what exactly will happen in the near future. The brain needs a plan, because having a plan indicates control over circumstances.
By repeating the same sequence of actions, a person subconsciously takes it as an axiom: if after performing a certain ritual the situation does not turn into an unpleasant one, then the ritual works as a talisman.
Famous athletes do not reveal their secrets, so we can only guess what they do before entering the ring, but everyone can come up with a certain procedure for themselves, repeat it before sparring, then before the fight the nerves will noticeably calm down after the ritual. This could be listening to a specific song, wrapping bandages on your right hand, lacing your shoes only after putting on your helmet, etc.
After the tournament you perceive a fight as something not terrible
I noticed this psychological effect back when I was practicing Slavic-Goritsky wrestling (I talked about this in the article about the rules of winter fighting). There we often staged grappling matches, where we beat each other up in the crowd quite efficiently. After that, going home and observing a group of dubious and unpleasant individuals around, I did not experience the usual fear of being beaten - for what to be afraid of if you had just been heartily beaten by a dozen friends.
They finally gave me a medal.
The same effect, but much stronger, appeared after the competition. The intensity of emotions during battles and between them is so strong that the conflict on the street becomes something unimportant, small, like a mosquito squeaking over your ear, and you experience universal, global calm. And even during real conflicts, when you have to fight in the street, and they happened after ten tournaments had died down, you still feel the same calm. A wave of emotions just rolls in, you beat the scoundrel, and after that you return to your normal state.
Of course, after three years spent without a tournament shake-up, the effect slightly lost its severity, but it still remained, allowing me to perceive a street conflict as something unpleasant, but possible if necessary, that is, we can assume that my desire to stop being afraid of a fight fulfilled.
Getting rid of the feeling of fear before battle
As one saying goes, “The best fight is the one that hasn’t started.” But in life this does not always work, and even people who have diplomatic language do not always manage to resolve the conflict solely with the help of words. If a fight cannot be avoided, then you need to prepare your body as much as possible for defense. It is extremely difficult to do this if you are constrained by fear before a fight.
What to do if a fight starts suddenly
One of the most common options is the sudden start of a fight between rivals. A person can be attacked in a doorway by strangers or provoked into a fight by a completely familiar person. There is very little time left to understand what is happening. This is why you need to know how to overcome the fear of fighting.
There are several quite effective techniques that are practiced by boxing stars. They are quite applicable both for the ring and in the event of a street fight.
If a collision cannot be avoided, and the fear of a fight constrains a person, then he needs to:
- Stop thinking about the outcome of the battle and focus on what is happening at the moment. Thoughts about the future greatly reduce the severity of reactions to enemy actions. The body has built-in self-defense mechanisms, as well as the ability to predict the opponent’s intentions by his facial expressions and body movements. You need to trust this feeling.
- Transform fear into anger. A person has an excess of the hormone adrenaline, he needs to find a way out. If you can’t get angry, you can suppress it by remembering something very bad and annoying from your life. This will help remove uncertainty.
Psychology recommends resolving all conflicts not with force, but with words. Before entering into a fight, it is recommended to make sure that the situation cannot be resolved otherwise. In order to get rid of fear, people often resort to alcohol or drugs. This is the biggest mistake you can make. Alcohol slows down reactions, clouds judgment and makes coordination imprecise.
What to do before the competition
The fear of fighting arises even among experienced fighters. Before competitions, athletes experience great anxiety, which they cannot always overcome. Special training and self-confidence help them kill their fear.
Before getting rid of the fear of fighting, athletes train hard, watch the fights of their opponents, if we are talking about big-time sports. But even for beginner wrestlers, boxers, etc., a system for overcoming fear has been developed:
- Breathing exercises help during panic attacks. You need to inhale deeply, hold your breath for 5-7 seconds and exhale slowly, lowering your shoulders at this time. This method helps not only to calm down, but also to concentrate on winning.
- Adequate rest is also an excellent way to overcome the fear of fighting. A person who has regained their strength will be more confident in themselves and will also feel a surge of energy.
- Motivation also reduces anxiety. Psychology says that a well-motivated person is less susceptible to fear.
No matter who fights, a man or a woman, worries or even phobias can only be overcome through self-improvement and control of one's negative thoughts and emotions. Sometimes fighters take painkillers before a fight, but this is strictly prohibited in sports.
