One of the key skills in life for each of us is the ability to forgive other people and ourselves. Unfortunately, only a few have this skill. If you are one of them, do not read this article! For the rest, we discussed the topic of forgiveness in detail. Read and change your life. Find out how to learn to forgive grievances!
A quick question: is the ability to forgive a strength or a weakness?
People and resentment
Today, most people tend to dwell on their grievances and are able to torment themselves with negative thoughts and experiences for years. This does not bring any benefit and only harms physical and mental health.
If you look closely, such people are constantly dissatisfied with something, this attracts troubles to themselves, something bad constantly happens in their lives. Why is this happening?
The fact is that resentment has tremendous destructive power. If a person holds grudges, he is finished.
At the same time, people who are able to live and let go of their negative experiences, find positivity even in the most hopeless situations, and forgive their offenders live many times happier lives.
Which category of people would you classify yourself as? If you want happiness, read on.
Forgive and maintain friendship
The ability to forgive insults is a necessary quality that helps to maintain good relationships with people. A quarrel is not always the end of a friendship. It is worth saving if:
- The person offended you while in a difficult situation. It is quite possible that he did this out of emotion, not wanting to harm you at all.
- This behavior is unusual for humans. You can’t break off strong relationships that have been built over many years because of a moment’s confusion.
- Your friend did not offend you out of malice. It is possible that a person said or did something inappropriate without thinking. Think about it, maybe he didn’t have any bad intentions.
The ability to forgive in the modern world
With the advent of televisions, social networks and other depersonalizing crap, people began to absorb tons of negative energy from these sources. Many have already forgotten how to give gifts and love, rejoice and laugh. People don't know how to learn to forgive insults.
“The heart forgives often, the mind rarely, pride never”
Louis Dumur
The development of modern technologies gives rise to more and more grievances against oneself, against one’s family, and against one’s environment. Lost in gadgets, people forget how to communicate with each other, how to talk about the most important things. As a result, they feel resentment towards the whole world for not being understood and appreciated.
First of all, this concerns the younger generation. For example, modern teenagers are often offended by their parents because they cannot provide them with the desired standard of living, broadcast by social networks, fashion bloggers and other unauthorized individuals.
Due to being constantly offended, adolescents develop an inferiority complex and dissatisfaction with life. Such children grow up to be incapable of mediocrity, who spend their whole lives looking for someone to blame, do not know how to solve problems and cannot admit their mistakes.
The key to salvation is the ability to forgive. The ability to forgive is the ability to let go of difficult situations, look at them from a different angle, give thanks, perceive what is happening as a lesson from which you can draw benefit and important experience.
Having learned this, you will notice how your life will change, how many new and interesting things will appear in it. You will discover new opportunities for yourself and see the world from a completely different perspective. You will have inspiring goals and a zest for life.
The ability to forgive is power!
Everyone has their own limit on forgiveness
People don't like to ask for forgiveness because they don't want to admit they're guilty?
Yuri Buziashvili:
Remember the film "Mimino". There is a short episode: two goats collide their foreheads, and then the defeated one gets hit in the ass by his horns and walks away dejectedly. Some people think that if they ask for forgiveness, they will become like a goat that was kicked out of the battlefield. On the other hand, you don’t have to ask for forgiveness for everything. From this point of view, the novel “The Count of Monte Cristo” is very useful for reading. Some important principles of life are formulated there. For example, this: do not remain in debt. Neither in a good nor in a bad way. Remember what the Count of Monte Cristo does with his enemy who wrote a denunciation against him. He proceeds from the principle that if you take revenge, you can regret it, but if you forgive, you will never regret it. And he gives his enemy a diamond. This diamond leads a person to death. No one can be forced to forgive beyond his capabilities. Everyone has their own limit on forgiveness.
Do grievances have a statute of limitations? Is it easier to forgive an old offense than yesterday’s?
Yuri Buziashvili:
Forgiveness in words and forgiveness in the soul are two different things. A hot-tempered person will never know the truth. Sometimes a person says: “I forgive you,” but in fact does not intend to forgive. But it is not necessary to rudely settle scores with the offender. You can just laugh at him. The happiest laughter is laughing at those who laugh at you. Such laughter is also a form of unforgiveness. Not to punch you in the face, but to succeed, to reach certain peaks, from which, looking down, you can laugh at those who laughed at you. I am still for such unforgiveness.
The root of the problem is childhood grievances
Childhood grievances are considered the most severe. Few people are able to cope with them on their own. Of course, you can try this way, but it is better and faster in this situation to contact a specialist.
There is nothing terrible or reprehensible in this. This does not indicate the presence of mental illness, but only indicates that the person wants to live happily and be in harmony with himself.
Why is it important to forgive childhood grievances?
Without letting go of childhood grievances and forgiving those closest to you, you cannot continue to move towards a conscious, happy life. No matter how much you want to just forget and move on, it won’t work.
Everything that happened to us in childhood is the cause of our present. Therefore, it is first important to “forgive” the past and only then take on the future.
A person who does not know how to forgive will fail in life.
Adult children resent their parents. How to learn to forgive grievances:
PSYCHOLOGY OF LIFE +
Why you need to learn to forgive
Medical research confirms the fact that people who do not know how to forgive are much more likely to experience illnesses that are caused by stress.
The reason for this is that the human brain sends signals to the endocrine system to produce an additional dose of the so-called stress hormones - cortisol and adrenaline. Because of this, blood pressure increases and additional muscle tension occurs. A person often experiences back pain. Also, such phenomena are accompanied by an accelerated heartbeat and a significant weakening of the immune system. Naturally, the stronger the resentment, the more difficult it is to cope with it. Many people do not even have the desire to forgive the offender. At the same time, it is the offended party who loses first of all. People who have understood how to learn to forgive, realized the power of forgiveness and completely got rid of feelings of resentment are those who have consciously decided not to create health problems for themselves. Such people are in a more advantageous position than those who continue to react to stimuli with constant insults. It has been noticed that those who know how to leave old grievances in the past are less susceptible to depression and various types of stress. Experts say that the thinking of such people is clear, such people can control their emotions and choose a more effective model of behavior. The point is that you should not give in to unpleasant thoughts and experiences that bring you back to an unpleasant event or situation.
What does it mean to forgive
There is a misconception that forgiveness is one of the methods of justifying an act that has no justification as such. Also, some believe that a banal “sorry” removes responsibility for the offense committed from a person. If you also think so, then this is your way of coming to terms with the fact that some people may allow themselves to insult you. Thus, your offenders escape deserved justice with impunity. You should understand that no one can change events that are in the past.
Forgiveness is a change in your personal attitude towards the current situation and towards your offender. Most often, a person reacts to a negative event according to the following algorithm: denial, rejection, depression, enlightenment. Forgiveness represents a momentary transition from the stage of denial to insight, a kind of intention to abandon the problems of the past and the desire to enter into a new reality, while accepting the current state of things. An offended person continues to live in the past, unconsciously thinking about a situation that happened a long time ago. Naturally, this behavior and way of thinking is extremely unproductive.
A conscious person should accept the fact that it is impossible to find solace in revenge and hatred. At the same time, at first it seems as if all this matters. Even if you take revenge, it will not bring you the expected satisfaction. The avenger, in fact, takes the position of a tyrant, which is only the other side of the position of the victim. Obviously, a person who has chosen the role of a victim cannot be happy. Learning to forgive means giving up fear, anger and the desire to hurt others, including yourself.
It is very important to be able to forgive a loved one who is dear to you . To forgive means to stop focusing on people's mistakes and shortcomings. It is much more effective to try to put yourself in the other person’s place and try to understand him. Forgiveness towards a loved one is a combination of compassion and tenderness. This is what makes a couple happier and more united.
What happens during a grudge
The causes of anger and resentment often overlap. First of all, we are offended by the harm that has been done to us. It doesn't matter whether it was done intentionally, by accident, or to teach an important life lesson. We can also be offended by those who have views on some aspect of life that are radically opposed to ours. For example, if you are a vegetarian, you may be offended by how people around you actively consume meat. Any attacks towards your interests can also cause you to be offended. Researchers are confident that ten discrepancies are enough for a person to form a resentment in his head. Another cause of resentment may be unjustified expectations. For example, a girl was expecting to receive a ring as a gift, and her fiancé took her to a restaurant.
People who cannot cope with resentment react to it in different ways. Some begin to come up with a plan for revenge, while others become disillusioned with reality and begin to replay in their heads a happy ending that is not destined to come true. And some even begin to blame themselves for everything or, worse, become completely disappointed in people. What all scenarios have in common is the accumulation of negative emotions.
In order to cope with the burden of grievances every day, a person has to spend a lot of energy. Obviously, in this situation you simply do not have enough vitality to achieve goals, success, happiness, etc. This means that touchiness is a quality that primarily harms you .
How to learn to forgive
First, you must realize that you really want to give up grudges. You don’t want to be in the ranks of the offended, who, according to the saying, “carry water”? You do not need to cross paths with your offenders and demand an apology from them. Nevertheless, psychological practice confirms the existence of such a phenomenon as “attribution of motives.” It lies in the fact that people tend to assume that their abuser carefully planned everything, although in fact this is a completely unfounded assumption. That is why, if you still have the opportunity to discuss a specific situation with the offender, you should not ignore this chance. Use it to find out the true reasons for an action. You will be surprised, but in most cases everything turns out to be completely different from what you initially thought. Try, as the British say, “try on the shoes of the offender,” that is, stand in his place. Think about the fact that you, too, have had situations in your life where you unintentionally hurt someone. Didn’t you really want to be forgiven as quickly as possible?
Psychologists are sure that the inability to forgive is more a consequence than a problem . In reality, a person is not able to forgive himself for his shortcomings, which means that he cannot afford to forgive them to others. Knowing how to properly respond to an insult, you can use this tool primarily for your own benefit. It is worth understanding that there are no perfect people. Become more loyal to those around you .
Now you have a general idea of how to learn to forgive. Using this skill, you can get rid of many burdens that take away your vital energy.
“Forgive your enemies, but do not forget their names.” Kennedy D.
“If there is anything unforgivable in the world, it is the inability to forgive.” Azhar E.
“Don't think about what your forgiveness means for your opponents, those who have wronged you in the past. Enjoy what forgiveness does for you. Learn to forgive, and it will become easier for you to go towards your dreams, unencumbered by the baggage of the past.” Vujicic N.
“Whoever takes revenge sometimes regrets what he did; he who forgives never regrets it.” Dumas A.
“From a young age, learn to forgive the shortcomings of your neighbor and never forgive your own.” Suvorov A.
“If you happen to be angry with someone else, be angry with yourself at the same time, at least for the fact that you managed to get angry with someone else.” Gogol N.
“Forgiveness from the heart turns an unhappy past into a happy future.” Luule V.
“Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.” Bernard S.
“He who did not forgive the enemy did not experience one of the most exquisite pleasures of life.” Lavater J.
“The ability to forgive is a great gift. Moreover, it costs nothing.” Smith B.
“Forgiveness does not at all require that you believe the person you forgive. But if he confesses and repents, then a miracle will happen in your own soul that will allow you to reach out and begin to build a bridge of healing between you. And sometimes this road can lead you to the miracle of completely restored trust. Forgiveness is needed first of all by the forgiver; it frees you from what is eating you alive, what kills your joy and ability to love fully and openly.” Young W.
“People who don’t feel love for themselves usually don’t know how to forgive.”
“As soon as a person gets sick, he needs to look in his heart for someone to forgive.” Hay L.
“One of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to grant forgiveness to all people every night before you go to bed.” Landers E.
“If you can't forgive people, you can't accept your wealth. If your soul is filled with hatred, love cannot find a place in it. You must get rid of the negative feelings that consume you and give you no peace.” Gage R.
“Pitiful words must certainly be forgiven.” Dostoevsky F.
“By forgiving those who revile me, I can always put myself above them.” Napoleon B.
“Forgiving out of despair is no better than cursing.” Sinyavsky V.
“Forgiveness is a two-way street. When we forgive someone, we forgive ourselves at that moment.” Paulo Coelho
"I can't forget, but I can forgive." Mandela N.
“If you want to rejoice for a moment, take revenge; if you want to rejoice all your life, forgive.” Schubert F.
“Farewell - they say when they are unable to forgive.” Ivanovich R.
“We must forgive each other if we do not want to live like savages.” Zola E.
“The ability to forgive saves us from anger, hatred and waste of mental strength.” Mor H.
“By not forgiving a mistake, you make a mistake yourself. By forgiving a meanness, you help commit another. And stupidity does not require forgiveness at all. She, like the wind, does not depend on anything. It must be accepted as it is, and, while protecting itself from its harm, look for benefit in it.” Yankovsky S.
“Life has taught me to forgive a lot, but even more to seek forgiveness.” Bismarck O.
“...If I blame others for being the cause of my anger, irritation or envy, I will thereby resist the opportunity given to me to learn the necessary lesson. And this lesson will be repeated in life, but only more persistently and painfully. In my opinion, the main meaning of this provision is very simple: bearing personal responsibility for what happens inside me. By getting to know myself and the underlying causes of my own negative reactions, I can literally negate the mechanism of repeating cycles in my life. By refusing to blame others for my own lack of love and forgiveness, I can significantly reduce or even eliminate all suffering in my life.” Sharma R.
“It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend.” Blake W.
“It’s both painful and sad when your loved one, who was not forgiven by you during your lifetime, leaves this world...” Semirdzhyan T.
“I hate people who don’t know how to forgive.” Nietzsche F.
“Vengefulness is the inability to forgive oneself for the mistakes of others.” Omurov S.
“The ability to forgive is a characteristic of the strong. The weak do not forgive." Gandhi M.
FUNNY AND FUN SAYINGS, APHORISMS AND QUOTES ABOUT FORGIVENESS
“A stupid person does not forgive or forget anything; the naive forgives and forgets; A smart person forgives, but does not forget.” Sas T.
“Beware of those whom you have forgiven: they will remind you of their generosity.”
“The ability to forgive does not come immediately, but as you realize that no one cares about your grievances...” Mamchich M.
“The smarter a person is, the easier it is to forgive stupid things.” Babayan O.
“It’s not difficult to forgive a person, it’s more difficult not to do something nasty to him in return.”
“Forgive everyone - you will be glad to have free time.” Bednova V.
“To understand does not mean to forgive, it means to judge by concepts...” Chernov V.
“Forgiving your enemies is the best way to make them angry.” Wilde O.
“You must forgive those whom you cannot take revenge on.” Davidovich A.
“A woman forgives everything, but often reminds her that she has forgiven.” Beauvoir S.
original source https://constructorus.ru/
Is it possible to learn to forgive?
Can!
Gradually moving on to practice
