Emotional incontinence - this can be briefly called a temper of temper. Repeated studies by scientists show that a hot temper manifests itself not only as acquired as a result of something, it can manifest itself from birth, as it is laid down at the genetic level. Therefore, if parents in childhood may not have noticed, missed, or were too lazy to help their child suppress this quality, then at a more mature age it will be more difficult for a person to cope on his own.
Characteristics of a hot-tempered person
How is a hot-tempered person so different from a calm one? A hot-tempered person, faced with some kind of problem, will lose his temper, that is, show his irritability, aggression, resentment, and so on. He will try to solve it with practical methods under the influence of negative emotions, and every time he does not succeed, he will become even more angry and blame for his unsuccessful attempts, first of all, not himself, but circumstances, other people, and will take it out on loved ones. While a balanced and calm person, when making a decision to eliminate a problem, will first think about all the solutions, weigh the pros and cons, and only when he is absolutely sure will he begin to act. In this case, of course, there is a greater chance of solving the problem when there are clear tactics and plans. “Measure twice, cut once” is the main way to solve the problem, but, unfortunately, it is emotional incontinence that prevents hot-tempered people from understanding this truth.
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What can you do yourself?
To overcome RPA, it is not enough to repeat to yourself: “Get control of yourself.” It is necessary to really suppress the outburst of aggression and consciously switch attention to other things. The ability to independently stop anger develops through systematic and painstaking work on oneself. But the fruits of the effort are worth fighting your own temper.
Psychologists recommend that such people learn to relax and, if possible, cultivate an inner optimist. It is also useful to cultivate tolerance towards others - even if their lifestyle itself causes irritation and misunderstanding.
It is also useful for those suffering from RPV:
- Recognize the problem. Intentionally decide to fight it.
- Be more relaxed about other people's shortcomings.
- Realize that others also have their own rights (the right to refuse, to do something wrong).
- Monitor accumulating tension in a timely manner and direct it in a constructive direction. Don't let negative emotions become too much.
- Express your disapproval to other people in a more constructive form, without conflicts and showdowns.
- Various eastern practices will also be useful in the fight against RPV. This could be Zen meditation, qigong, yoga.
It is quite possible to overcome this disorder, but this requires long and hard work on yourself. You can do it yourself. But usually the person suffering from RPV lacks persistence. Therefore, it would be more effective to contact a psychologist.
Male and female temperament
Most often, a hot temper can be observed in men. In most cases, it manifests itself in the form of irritability and aggression. In addition, increased temperament, which is characterized by anger, is quite common.
Anger is a negative and strong feeling that occurs when a person is extremely dissatisfied with something.
Here you can make a certain chain of what hot temper can lead to: irritability - anger - aggression. When a person gets irritated, he can simply grumble something with dissatisfaction and squint his eyes in the direction of the irritant. At the next stage of anger, he may already raise his tone, scream and nervously gesticulate. At the third stage, when he is in the stage of aggression, actions take place that begin with a scream and can lead to assault, including possible damage to furniture or objects around that are nearby at that moment.
As for women's temper, everything is much more interesting. Basically it consists of resentment and hysteria. Often women consciously take advantage of resentment, since this is the most common way of manipulating other people. Sometimes women deny their offense, not seeing that with all their actions they show exactly the opposite. As for hysteria, aggression may well be present here; the actions are no different from men’s, except that women are more prone to physical self-control. Also a very important factor in women's temper is that sometimes they are not entirely able to control it, and this happens during certain phases of the menstrual cycle.
Signs
The main symptoms of RPV are:
- There are a number of cases where a person succumbed to uncontrollable outbursts of aggression. This entailed significant social consequences or damage to property.
- A conflict situation is preceded by a gradual increase in excitement.
- The level of irritability is inadequate to the occasion.
Typically, the diagnosis of intermittent temper disorder is made by a psychologist or psychiatrist in a personal interview. Specialists use methods such as examination and psychological assessment to do this.
Genetic predisposition
Have you ever wondered why people's bad character is often called bad heredity? A group of German scientists from the University of Bonn, led by Martin Reuter, conducted a study on this issue. They discovered a certain gene, which today is called “rs907094”. The carriers of this gene are most often precisely those people who are most susceptible to hot temper.
The same scientists found out, as a result of studying the human brain, that in people who took the survey and were prone to hot temper, the left amygdala in the temporal lobe of the brain was enlarged, and it is this part that is responsible for the manifestation of emotions.
Physiological way to solve the problem
View from the outside
To understand what a hot-tempered personality looks like from the outside, I suggest you do a short test exercise. For this activity you will need a mirror and a couple of free minutes.
Stand in front of your reflection and remember several unpleasant events from your life, reconstruct in detail the appearance of the offenders and concentrate your attention on the sensations. Notice how your face changes and your body becomes tense
If you find it difficult to get used to the planned image, help yourself
Notice how your face changes and your body becomes tense. If you find it difficult to get used to the planned image, help yourself.
In a matter of minutes, your brain will catch the message and trigger the real physiological processes of a militant mood. It is at this moment that you will be able to feel aggression, which gradually takes over your consciousness. Why is this exercise necessary, you ask?
The thing is that thanks to him, you will be able to understand that hot-tempered behavior can be caused independently, as well as how to deactivate it.
Practice
Most often, we are overcome by uncontrollable irritation at the most unexpected moment. To avoid an inadequate reaction, I suggest you practice tracking the process of the emergence of temper, and also learn to control it by understanding the technique of replacing negative emotions.
After the affirmation, imagine how irritants or ill-wishers are trying to piss you off. You can ask a friend to “play” with you! I think this will be useful to all players
Next, you need to rehearse a condescending look, and perhaps a witty joke that can stop the boiling inside. The point is to transfer theory to the practice of life. Your goal is to recognize the moment when your temper starts and replace it with a rehearsed pose, joke, or behavior.
Loneliness is a consequence of temper
Hot temper and aggressiveness are those human traits that others try to avoid when choosing an interlocutor, comrade, friend or partner. After all, who likes it when people constantly take it out on you? Hot temper is a quality that not many are willing to put up with, and, as a rule, the family suffers the most from it. By the way, in ordinary situations, people with this character trait are no different from balanced people. But as soon as they get into any stressful situation, their true self immediately appears.
Hot temper and irritability are qualities that calm people do not want to face. It’s hard to be friends with a hot-tempered person, but it’s even harder to be in a relationship and build a family. In the end, the calmer person will have to give in and let the other “steer” the situation so that he will be less irritated. Especially hot-tempered people take it very seriously when someone does not share their point of view, if it is important to them. As a result, people with a more balanced emotional state have to sacrifice their interests and principles. As the famous saying goes: “Love is evil, you will love and...”.
Sanguine temperament
The basis of the sanguine temperament is mobile, strong,
balanced type of NS. This means that the processes of excitation and inhibition in such individuals are in balance. They are also characterized by liveliness, plasticity, fast speech with rich facial expressions and rapid movements. Sanguine people easily adapt to new conditions for them, they are energetic, efficient, the difficulties of life do not cause them despondency, but a desire to resist them and change the situation. The productivity of an activity depends on its fascination: a sanguine person can do interesting things for a long time, with pleasure and very successfully.
In communication, he is easy and pleasant: he quickly gets along with people, is responsive, and easily finds common ground with any interlocutor. The new environment does not confuse him, but, on the contrary, tones him up. The emotional sphere is characterized by positivity and good mood. The feelings of a sanguine person are usually not deep and not strong; they can arise quickly and change just as quickly. This property makes it easier to cope with failures, which generally contributes to greater success in life.
Based on these signs, it can be assumed that certain individuals or characters have a sanguine temperament. Examples in literature: Stiva Oblonsky (“Anna Karenina”), Sancho Panza (“The Cunning Hidalgo Don Quixote of La Mancha”), Olga Larina (“Eugene Onegin”). In history, N. Bonaparte, A. I. Herzen, and P. Beaumarchais possessed this temperament.
Intermittent temper disorder
This disorder can most often be found in the stronger half of humanity. Signs include aggression, verbal abuse, uncontrollable anger, and assault. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is a mental health disorder and requires immediate treatment, otherwise the consequences can be very different. Outbursts of anger and aggression most often affect people who are nearby - colleagues, friends, family. Because of this disorder, other mental disorders may appear - alcoholism and drug addiction, which can further worsen a person’s situation.
Learning to control ourselves
Remember, you need to learn how to let off steam without harming others! This is the only way to prevent the development of neuroses, psychoses and overexertion.
Change your usual behavior, take out anger and irritation on loved ones, since aggression always breeds aggression. Your loved ones will withdraw into themselves, your friends will stop communicating, and you will drown in the gamut of your nervous breakdowns. What should be done?
Accept yourself and calm down
Hot-tempered relatives tend to deny the instability of the emotional background. Stop lying to yourself! Accept the fact that sometimes you are rude, irritated and angry at the world.
Until you know how to thoroughly control the intensity of passions, avoid them. But as soon as the level gets stronger, consciously enter into discussions to train endurance, composure and tolerance.
Release pent-up emotions
Find a source of relaxation for yourself. Sports training, extreme sports, hobbies or yoga can reduce the pressure of society and personal experiences, restoring your confidence, a sense of satisfaction and harmony with yourself.
Develop a sense of humor
The ability to joke is always received with a bang! This is not surprising, because a sense of humor can smooth out rough edges and minimize hostility.
Save yourself by inventing funny images at the moment of a hot-tempered avalanche. For example, imagine your boss in a swimsuit in the middle of a crowd of Chinese tourists!
Switch
Use the surge of irritability in a creative way. For example, at the moment of such “cheerfulness” you can clean the house, dig up the garden or run a marathon! Believe me, this works better than taking negativity out on your family.
Talk about feelings!
React immediately to the first signs of a temper tantrum. Otherwise, you risk attacking innocent loved ones who are not aware of your personal vicissitudes.
Say immediately: “I feel anxious and angry! I need 30 minutes of privacy" or "Something has happened! I'm boiling! Can you imagine…” Speak calmly, kindly and sincerely, because sincerity is always captivating!
That's it!
See you on the blog, bye-bye!
Temper is empty
If a person flares up out of the blue, this is an empty temper. It is often equated to a bad habit. And it arises as a result of the increased attention of parents and grandparents to the child. Such children most often achieve what they want by crying and hysterics. Accordingly, this habit remains as one grows up. A mature person begins to think that if he just shouts at someone, all his problems will immediately be solved. Thus, the cause may be not only the gene, but also upbringing.
Main conclusions
- If you feel that you have begun to “explode”, if you are told that you have become rude, intolerant, this is a reason to think about it.
- The first thing you need to do is reconsider your lifestyle. If you are overworked, take a vacation.
- In all cases, it is useful to give up bad habits.
- If you have any disease that haunts you, it needs to be treated.
- Educate yourself. Remember that it is quite possible to learn to “control yourself”; there are many techniques for this that are easy to find on the Internet.
- If you feel that you cannot cope with this yourself, contact a specialist.
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Temper is justified
How can you explain the other - justified irascibility? This is a conscious temper that arises as a result of the fact that, for example, object A did not fulfill what object B instructed him to do. Example: an employee systematically does not fulfill the requirements that were established. In this situation, the boss has the right to lose his temper, because the employee does not respond to comments. Also, if you are asked to do something, and you ignore it several times, be prepared for the fact that next time you will no longer be asked, but, most likely, will raise your tone. Of course, losing your temper is not right, but sometimes it happens that a person simply does not react to normal treatment, in which case justified irascibility is a completely normal reaction.
Treatment
The following methods are used as therapy for RPV:
- Drug treatment (use of tranquilizers, antidepressants).
- Group psychotherapy.
- Working with a psychologist in line with cognitive behavioral therapy.
- If we are talking about a child, it is advisable to contact a specialist who practices a family systems approach.
What types of women are there?
As the great classics said: “Girls are different: black, white, red.” The point is that there are no bad types and there cannot be, some of them just don’t come into contact with your ideas and desires at all.
Therefore, learning to identify these types is even important. This will save both of you from unnecessary disappointments, unexpected insults and other troubles.
Mistress I'll Drive You to White Tremendity
Girls, like men, can be temperamental and hot-tempered. Only now we are talking about the very same ones who get pleasure from their scandals, and who need to periodically bring up their partners. This happens, and by the way, this is also normal. Remember that this is part of her personality, and otherwise she will be bored, sad and uninterested.
Advice
: such a girl and the same man are an atomic mixture. It is precisely such alliances that are formed, for example, among the Spaniards (any film with Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem will help you). These are fights, jealousy, scandals and mad passion.
The second option for a happy union with such a girl is if you are an ultra-calm man who will patiently and happily wait for the end of her next concert without answering.
Mistress Incredulity
She has trust issues. Chances are she has been lied to too many times or has seen other people in her life lie constantly. At first, she will not trust even the most ordinary words from your lips, she will want to check your phone, she will want to go with you absolutely everywhere. She will even have the courage to make friends with your colleagues so that she can always know what you are doing.
Advice
: such a girl will get rid of her mistrust only with a man who really has nothing to hide and has no need to do it. In this case, show her all your correspondence, invite her to your events and get-togethers, introduce her to your friends, and after some time she will trust you more than herself!
Mrs. Credulity
A touching mirror image of the previous type. This is a very vulnerable, very trusting woman who could get into big trouble because of this. She is the one who will give all the money to any beggar on the street and the one who will trust you unconditionally, no matter what.
Advice
: Don't become the next monster who takes advantage of this gullibility. If you love a girl of this type and at the same time lack such gullibility, do everything to prevent her from getting into trouble, and most importantly, never deceive her even in small things.
Mistress Mom
He is probably the nicest person you will ever meet. She is so kind, so selfless and will definitely take care of you. She most likely prefers to be a housewife, and her greatest pleasure is taking care of her children and husband.
Mrs. Thrift
She is afraid to live in abundance and cannot dare to spend money for pleasure. She prefers to deny herself small luxuries and prefers to save for an eternal future. Manicures and pedicures are a waste of money; it’s better to do it yourself. She chose to live in the slums, simply because it is cheaper, she can do without milk and meat, and shopping and going to a cafe is generally wild stupidity.
Advice
: There are reasons for such frugality. You can get rid of this simply by showing her a different way of life and a different attitude towards money.
Mrs. Prudence
She dates several men at the same time. Every man she dates has their strengths, and she knows who to turn to if she needs anything. She knows which of her guys can give her what she needs.
Advice
: It’s bad when she hides it and just leads you by the nose. It would be good if she said that she was polygamous and asked you if you were okay (and you are okay with it).
Mistress Boss or Freak Control
Wants to be the boss of everything and everyone. Miss Boss wants to control and manage everything, even relationships. Even strangers. Everything should be done the way she wants. She is the type who will always give ultimatums: “You will do this and that, or we will end up and break up for the hell of it!”
She's probably just used to the fact that everything happens just the way she wants it.
Advice
: give her command or. even here it sounds like an ultimatum!
Mistress Tomboy
This girl is very easy to get along with - she is simple in the best sense and is ready for anything. She doesn't need 10 pairs of shoes, she can do any sporting activity with you and your friends all day long and she won't let you down. Give her a helmet to ride a motorcycle - she will immediately put it on without thinking about her hair, give her boxing gloves - she will already fight in the ring with your friend.
Advice
: The only problem may be that it is so boyish that if you want home-cooked food, comfort and summer dresses. Honestly, it's easier for her to grow a beard. So, if you need a best friend in a girl, this is her, and if not, then don’t even think about blaming her for anything!
Madam Judge and Critic
She will judge you and everyone around you! Absolutely everything is always bad for her: she will even find your ex-girlfriend and ask you if you were drunk when you met her, because she is not good enough. In her eyes, everyone is simply wrong (except her, of course), so you need to do only as she does. After all, she is the only ideal.
Advice
: Remember that a person who is confident and satisfied with his life will not judge anyone.
Mrs. Careerist
One must always remember that she is married to her work. All she cares about is climbing the corporate ladder, and she doesn't care whose feelings she hurts on her way to the top. She is not a fan of long-term relationships, she does not like living with someone, she does not know what it is to take care of someone, since she needs to do other important things.
Advice
: if you are interested in a relationship without obligations and you are not a fan of such concepts as “marriage”, “commitment” and “love”, then you can safely communicate with her. If you are still talking about long, lasting relationships and falling in love, then such a girl will hurt you with her views.
Madam I cry all the time
She was born to cry. She is very soft and cries about absolutely everything. Every little thing makes her cry, both good and bad. If you get home 10 minutes late, you'll probably find her already crying because she doesn't know where you are, and if you surprise her unexpectedly, she'll cry for a couple of days over how cute it is.
Advice
: You will wonder how she came into this world, being so fragile, and worry about her. You shouldn’t worry - this is this type of personality, and her tears don’t always make her as unpleasant as it might seem. And remember: basically, you are not always to blame for her tears!
Mistress I Want Like Theirs
This girl copies everything blindly. She's the type who will do whatever Kim Kardashian says. Instagram is her bible. She copies trends and never wants to be left behind. She wants everything her friends have, even if she can't afford it, and will do anything for it.
Advice
: ideal situation if you are the same!
Mistress Innocence
She goes to church, most likely a virgin. She has never touched alcohol in her life and always cares about doing good in the eyes of everyone, especially her loved ones. Her whole life is planned in advance and she wants to get married by 25 and have two children (a boy and a girl) by 28.
Advice
: if you thought that such things do not exist, then you live in a flask. There are a lot of girls of this type, and this is also completely normal.
Mistress Party Animal
The party girl will have fun until she falls. Party is her middle name. You can always be sure to meet her in clubs from Friday to Sunday. Mentioning a party will always cheer her up.
Advice
: if you are a homebody and have fallen in love with such a girl, then stock up on Valocordin.
Mrs. Independence
She likes to be her own boss, and therefore she never wants to answer to anyone for anything. She takes care of herself: pays for the apartment, buys herself a car. The upside is that you never have to constantly buy her anything because she has her own money and works hard to earn it.
Advice
: The downside may be that all your relationships will be marked out in territory: this is mine, this is yours. You cannot be sure of a future together, because no matter how long you are together, at any moment she can leave you with the words “I didn’t promise you anything.”
Mistress Always Behind the Man
Such a woman can never live without a man. At any point in her life, she should have at least some guy. That is, she never had time to look at herself and think about her life - life is meaningless for her if she is alone. Any guy who comes her way is already a potential lover for her. She doesn't even have time to get to know the guys she dates, so her relationships never work out and the men end up mistreating and taking advantage of her.
Mrs. Gold Digger
If you are bankrupt, don't even think about approaching this woman - she won't even dare look at you. She always looks beautiful and keeps up with fashion trends, makes purchases in the most expensive stores, is served in expensive salons and drives expensive cars.
Mistress Ghetto
She will fight for everything. For the brothers and sisters, for the man, for everything.
She is always ready to use her fists and "barbs". The only language she speaks is "let's meet face to face." She probably had a hard life and had to fight for everything throughout her life, including food.
Advice
: You will need to wait a long time and patiently for her to soften. Everything will depend only on you.
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