And really, why is that? Remember how many times you asked yourself this question when you once again encountered, to put it mildly, an unworthy reaction of some people in one or another life situation, especially when such a reaction was completely unjustified and inappropriate for the situation?
We should all have long ago recognized that human society has never been a place where everyone around is kind, considers their words and treats each other with respect - and, unfortunately, there is no prerequisite for it to ever become one in future.
In general, nothing new...
There were, are and always will be rude, impolite and disrespectful people in this world.
We have written evidence that even Greek philosophers complained about this two thousand years ago - Plato himself repeatedly complained about the disrespectful behavior of youths of his time, completely devoid of any manners.
Typically, it falls on us, the more level-headed and reasonable people, to identify what we consider unacceptable behavior and respond to it accordingly. At the same time, trying to reduce the intensity of the negative flame, and not inflame it even stronger.
When I'm in a good mood, I look at the world more favorably and try to imagine the person who just yelled at me out of nowhere, or who infuriated me by cutting in front of me in line, as a baby or small child.
I'm trying to understand exactly what life situations have temporarily or permanently turned them into aggressive and unpleasant people, acting as if good manners died out with the dinosaurs.
When I'm not having the best day, my reaction is often much less supportive and tolerant... but I openly admit it, and at the end of the day, no one is perfect!
Rudeness on the rise
According to modern sociological research, approximately 79% of Americans consider the lack of politeness in modern society to be a serious problem, and about 60% believe that rudeness and disrespect are becoming more and more common every day.
Sometimes it looks like an epidemic or a forest fire - one rude act leads to a second, then a third and a fourth, and little by little it creates an ever-expanding spiral of rudeness.
Imagine this situation: in the morning, on the way to work in his own car, a completely normal and good person is “cut off” by another driver, rudely wedging in front of him. Having arrived at work, this man is greeted by a colleague, but he only inarticulately snaps in response to the greeting, and no wonder - his thoughts are occupied only with the situation on the road, and he thinks again and again about what he would do with that driver if he fell into his hands .
The colleague, perceiving this behavior as a personal insult, and knowing that he did nothing to deserve such an attitude towards himself, becomes irritable, and soon lashes out at the next person who appears at work. That next person takes it out on someone else, and so on.
This spiral of rudeness with each turn unwinds more and more, like a whirlpool, drawing in more and more people - and all because of one boor on the road, who decided that the rules of the road were not written to him.
Is this even legal?
Here you need to distinguish constructive criticism from insults. If they point out to you that you are wrong, they condemn your actions without using curse words, then they are simply expressing their point of view on some situation that has arisen. Here you are your own helper. And if this same person insults you, tears you into small obscene pieces, then this is already an offense - the rude person should be careful.
Until 2012, the Criminal Code had an article for insulting a person - Art. 130 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation. But now it has moved to the Code of Administrative Offenses - Art. 5.61 Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation. Accordingly, insults moved from the category of crimes to the category of offenses. The maximum possible punishment against an individual under this article is 3,000 rubles (public insult - 5,000 rubles). In such a situation, we gentlemen say that the game is not worth the candle. Firstly, the punishment is not very severe, and secondly, you need to provide testimony of witnesses, an audio or video recording of the offense. Then there’s the trial. Everything is long and tedious, which will only cause more stress and irritation.
But sometimes a simple personal insult can develop into something more. A verbal altercation can reach the level of personal threat - when they tell you not only that you are a fool, but also that they will roll you into concrete for this. And this is already Art. 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, and here you can get a real sentence. Of course, the use of violence also aggravates the situation - new articles of the Criminal Code come into play, for example, Art. 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - “Intentional infliction of minor harm to health.”
And there is also Art. 128.1 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation - “Slander”, you can accidentally hurt the feelings of believers in a dispute (Article 148 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation) or incite ethnic hatred (Article 282 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation). In short, if you meet a person with the Criminal Code in his hands, then try not to enter into conflict with him, in case he knows how to use it.
How to deal with rude behavior
So, we've looked at the most common reasons why someone might be rude and disrespectful to you, and now we'll try to give some tips on how to best deal constructively with such people.
1. Try to filter out rudeness.
Remind yourself every time that the rude behavior you experience from others may be due to reasons other than the desire to hurt you, and try to filter out your instinctive reaction.
In most cases, there is some reason for the behavior you perceive as negative or unacceptable, be it emotional, social, psychological or cultural.
And whatever it is, one of those listed above, or one of a whole host of others, you most likely will not be able to influence it in any way, no matter how much you would like to - but you can influence how you react to all of this .
2. Don't take things too personally.
We all know very well how easy it is to flare up from rude words, especially if we regard them as a personal insult.
But you can completely deprive these words that sting your very heart of power over you if you firmly, once and for all decide that all this rudeness is the problem of the person who is rude to you, and not at all yours. Remember that it is up to you to decide how to react to other people's words and actions, and responding negatively to negativity is rarely reasonable or constructive.
3. Find out the reason for their behavior.
Take your time to react immediately to rude behavior. Try to find out what caused it and if there is anything you can do to help. Perhaps this person simply had a difficult day, or so much has fallen on him today that he simply does not have the time and energy to be polite.
By the way, it is quite possible that he does not even understand how rudely he behaves with others. In short, you will never know for sure until you ask, and the answer may surprise you!
4. Just turn around and walk away.
Try to step on your own instincts and not respond to rudeness with rudeness. Believe me, by responding to negativity with negativity, you will not improve the situation and will not help either this person or even yourself.
And if you are not ready to try to help the person who is rude to you, or to get to the bottom of the reasons for their behavior, then the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from him in order to avoid the flow of more and more rudeness and insults from this person.
So just turn around and walk away - even if such a person claims that he has not told you everything yet!
If a stranger is rude to you, then you have nothing to lose at all, since you will most likely never meet him again. So why listen to all this?
Well, if you are faced with rudeness from a friend or colleague, then by doing so, you will clearly and unequivocally show him that it is simply pointless to be rude to you, and he will not achieve anything by doing so. Perhaps this will lead them to believe that next time they should behave more appropriately.
In any case, you have the last word.
5. Be aware of cultural differences.
In many cases, you should not automatically assume that a person whose behavior you perceive as unacceptable shares your cultural norms and traditions.
When you understand and realize that the behavior that irritates you for this or that person is absolutely natural for him, and he does not see anything bad in it, it will be much easier for you to tolerate it.
By the way, it is worth remembering that you, without realizing it, can involuntarily irritate people of other cultures with behavior that is completely natural to you.
6. Fight rudeness with kindness.
Although this approach may seem strange to you, one of the best ways to defuse a tense situation when dealing with someone who is rude to you is to be kind and friendly. This gives him the opportunity to calm down, stop perceiving you as a threat, and think about his behavior. Of course, he won’t necessarily take this chance, but anything is possible...
7. Stop the spiral of rudeness.
Don't let other people's irritable, rude behavior or words ruin your day and cause you to continue this vicious cycle of lashing out at other, generally innocent people.
Stop for a second, take a deep breath, and try to remember that the other person’s problems, because of which he was rude to you, are his problems, not your responsibility, smile, and move on with your head held high. Perhaps this action of yours will be able to at least slightly slow down the spiral of rudeness and make this world a little brighter!
Additional factors provoking aggression
Anything can happen in life, and if the situation has reached a dead end and you just can’t stop yourself, it’s still better to turn to a qualified psychologist. It will help you overcome the black streak and get out of the zone of ignorance.
Another reason for irritation can be expectations, or rather, inflated expectations. You imagined the situation in your own way, in your head there is already a scenario of how everything should happen, but these events do not depend on you and do not develop at all the way you want them. In principle, they should not follow exactly your script. Don't demand too much from the world and it will keep you calm.
Fatigue is the most inveterate provocateur of irritability. The ability to control your emotions directly depends on the state of your nervous system. If for a long time there was no opportunity to relax, get distracted, or simply be alone with yourself, the consequences can be sad. Even the calmest people, whom no one has ever noticed, sometimes break down under the pressure of fatigue.
To prevent such situations from happening, always distinguish between work and rest. Find time for your family, walks with friends in nature, going to the cinema, doing what you love and doing sports. All this is the key to your good mood.
Overwhelmed by the circumstances
People are better than you think they are. Yes, yes, the truth is that most of humanity consists of quite decent people who only sometimes find themselves so overwhelmed by circumstances that they verbally lash out at those around them, and take out their irritation on innocent people.
Fortunately, we very rarely meet people who are rude to others simply because they like it. No, they certainly exist, but they are definitely not the norm, and even the behavior of these people is most likely caused by some kind of suffering or trauma in the past, or even in the present.
Dealing with rude and negative people requires a tremendous amount of empathy and patience. Sometimes it may even seem that the responsibility for changing this situation for the better, and not letting it get worse, lies with you, and not at all with the rude person.
But imagine the alternative: if you respond to rudeness with rudeness, you are giving that person a real, real, tangible reason to do the same to the future and to you. And then the spiral of rudeness will truly become endless and it will be impossible to stop it...
Be kind...be human.
Why are they rude?
Everyone has bad days, for some it lasts whole weeks, and for others they live their whole lives on the edge. The modern rhythm at speed greatly weakens the nervous system, the stress level exceeds the permissible norm, and if the temperature outside is around +30 degrees, then you definitely want to at least quarter people. Under such conditions, any action of the first person you meet, even if it is of a neutral nature, can become a trigger causing a negative reaction. “Now I’ll win back!” - a man thinks after 10 hours spent at work, seeing how you didn’t take off your backpack on a half-empty bus and were standing in the aisle on its way.
But this is all reasoning from the sofa. What can experts say about this? Psychologists identify several main reasons for this behavior.
The desire to assert oneself
Not everyone can say that their life was completely successful, that they received the recognition they deserved. There is a type of boor who deliberately goes into conflict, choosing a person weaker than himself, who cannot fight back. In conversation, they put themselves above the other person, use insults and obscene language. At this moment, they are trying to give themselves greater significance, to ascend in their own eyes, to feel the power that they lack in life.
Lack of attention and love, desire to be noticed
The second usually comes out of the first. People who did not receive proper attention and care from their parents in childhood compensate for this in adulthood with boorish behavior. To attract attention, as children, such people threw tantrums and behaved aggressively. Thus, they got used to achieving their goals using similar methods and transferred this model of behavior to a more conscious age.
Unsatisfactory mental and/or physical condition
When the body experiences fatigue, stress, and dissatisfaction, a person reacts more sharply to all external irritating factors. Any little thing can become the cause of an emotional breakdown at such moments. What is important here is not the significance of the controversial situation, but the very fact of its existence, which causes an outbreak of aggression. As a rule, it does not last long. Typically, such conflicts end quickly; the person who lost his temper tries to apologize for such behavior.
Inability to justify your words and actions
In cases where you need to prove that you are right, but you don’t have enough vocabulary or your position in a dispute is shaky, some resort to aggressive dialogue, and sometimes to insults and even the use of physical force.
Poor upbringing and acquired behavioral characteristics
People who grew up in dysfunctional families more often resort to rudeness and rudeness, since in childhood they often saw conflict resolution using similar methods and accepted them as the norm of behavior. A similar substitution can also occur with people from prosperous families: behavior patterns can be adjusted under the influence of the microsociety in which the person was located (classmates, a group of friends, Internet forums).
Energy vampirism
Some people “feed” themselves through conflict situations or other events that cause severe moral exhaustion in people. Such individuals are usually provocateurs, behave defiantly, expecting their “victim,” and quickly acquire the status of a brawler.
