Hello! My name is Igor Lapin, I am a professional pickup trainer. Today I will talk about how not to screw up in bed for the first time. Some men have such a complex - the fear that the first sex will not be successful or will not work out at all.
Fear arises for various reasons: some believe that they have a small penis, others that they have problems with erections. It gets ridiculous and the guy is afraid he won’t quickly find where to insert it.
Every second person has probably watched porn, but at the thought of real sex, some simply fall into despair, because in life everything is not the same as in the picture. First, let's take a closer look at the reasons for guys' fears and mistakes in sex.
Fear of first sex
Every person, faced with such a problem, experiences anxiety. Not only women, but men too. I would like to tell young people that you need to have a lot of patience if the girl is dear to you and you do not want to cause her pain or any inconvenience. Try to talk to the lady, find out what exactly scares her, maybe she is not ready yet, then postpone this activity for a while. Don't put pressure on her. Much also depends on the age of your companion. The younger the lady, the more complexes and prejudices will accompany her. The main task of a man is to relax a woman as much as possible, both physically and mentally. Girls, I would like to say that this issue, of course, should be approached thoughtfully and seriously; if you are overwhelmed by a feeling of fear, ask yourself whether you want intimacy with this particular man. Sometimes it happens that the problem lies here, the girl simply does not want a particular guy, even if she has been in a relationship with him for a long time. The physiological part might not have been involved before, and she felt comfortable communicating with him and spending time. But as soon as the conversation turned to intimacy, the girl could get scared. Therefore, before you decide to have intimacy with a man, especially for the first time, think carefully about whether this is the partner with whom you want intimacy.
Basic first time mistakes2
No matter how it sounds, there are mistakes when having sex for the first time, and there are many of them.
1. When having sex for the first time, a couple is haunted by awkwardness. It is expressed in clumsiness, embarrassment, excitement, etc. It ruins the sex experience. To avoid this, you should completely trust your partner, relax and have fun.
2. When having sex for the first time, you don’t need to try to experiment and go out of your way to impress your partner. This could end badly. Such emancipation will not be appropriate. If experiments are unavoidable, invite your partner to study and read the Kama Sutra together. Scrolling through the pages will already set you up for a wave of excitement. Moreover, you will show your partner that you are just like him and that this is the first time.
3. During sex, you should tell your partner what he likes and what he doesn’t like. This is the first time, and no one knows how to bring maximum pleasure to each other. There is no need to be shy and remain silent if it is unpleasant. If the girl is uncomfortable and she leaves it a secret, further sexual intercourse will only cause her suffering.
4. Don't forget about foreplay before and during sex. When having sex for the first time, foreplay is the key moment and starting point. If you neglect it, you won't be able to relax. A quick transition to sex can frighten a girl, and an inexperienced guy can cause at least physical pain. Therefore, during foreplay, you need to treat each other with tenderness and trepidation, then the transition to sex will be a natural, honest feeling between the partners.
5. You should remember about safety. Never forget about condoms. After all, the first experience with sex can end faster than expected and the likelihood of having children in a young, inexperienced couple becomes higher and higher. At this stage of the relationship, young people do not need this.
6. No need to lie and fake. When having sex for the first time, you need to act as natural and relaxed as possible. Pretending to be a queen or a macho is wrong and stupid. If you overplay, the process will be as uncomfortable as possible.
How to prepare for first sex
As mentioned above, you should only allow intimacy with a man if you are confident in your partner. In this case, we mean both the physical and moral aspects. Also remember that you need to take care of the safety of this event. Purchase the necessary protective equipment from unwanted pregnancy and infections at the pharmacy. Answer the question to yourself, what exactly is your fear associated with, what are you afraid of most? Share this problem with a friend who already has a similar experience, she will definitely help you with advice. Talk to your man, tell him what worries you, any problems in the relationship should be resolved together, because there should be no secrets between close people, especially in the intimate sphere. If you don't trust your boyfriend, then think hard about whether you should give yourself to him at all. Men, I would like to tell you to remember that sex is not only physical satisfaction, but above all care and attention to your beloved, especially when it comes to the first time. Try to show your openness to the lady, be yourself. Remember that for a girl, first sex is a turning point in her life, and high emotional shock is a normal reaction. Your task is to win over a woman so that she can relax as much as possible with you and feel wanted, loved and needed. Give her this and then you both will succeed.
Some tips for preparation
In order not to worry about the little things, there are some recommendations for preparing for the first sex:
- Don't be afraid of condoms. Put one in your pocket or next to the bed so you don't have to run around the room when the girl is already excited. It takes literally five seconds to open the package and put on the protective product.
- Before sex, go to the toilet and don't drink a lot of water. The urge to go to the toilet can interfere at the most inopportune times.
- Blowjob helps a lot to improve erection. If a girl agrees to oral sex, then this is a very good option.
There are no problems that cannot be overcome, with the exception of specific diseases.
First sex excites both the girl and the guy. This is absolutely normal and there is no need to worry about it. The main thing is to remember that everything arises in your head and watch your emotional state so as not to screw up in bed.
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Why is a man afraid of sex?
If a guy is afraid of sex, there are reasons for that. Situations can be different and it is in them that you need to look for the answer to how to cope with them. Fear often arises if this is a man’s first sexual experience. Fears also form after a failure, when at the most crucial moment you “didn’t get up.” Let's figure out what the prerequisites may be for a man to be afraid of sex:
- The guy is not interested in sex as such. Do you think there are few of them? It turns out that as many as 3% of men think sex is a waste of time. From the age of 14 they showed no interest in masturbation and girls, and if by the age of 17 the attraction did not arise, then this is a reason to contact an endocrinologist in order to solve the problem before the age of 25. A man understands that he is different from others; a fear arises, which only strengthens after unsuccessful sex.
- Consequences of strict upbringing. From childhood, the boy was taught that sex is bad and vicious, so stereotypes were firmly ingrained in his head. Disgust towards sex leads to failure and interferes with pleasure, which subsequently forms fear.
- Fear of first sex, fear of failure. This is a frequent and widespread phenomenon: you are not the first, you are not the last. Fear of something new is justified, especially if you really like the girl and don’t want to disappoint her. Once you get hung up on fear, start studying magazines and watching porn in order to become an ace in theory, the situation becomes even worse. Trust nature and inner feelings. Let go of the situation and just enjoy intimacy with the girl.
- A bad experience and ridicule or criticism of a girl can create a serious complex. The body does not always work like a clock. But you need to both overcome the fear that you won’t get hard and build your sex life more actively. Negative experiences need to be overshadowed by positive ones, so that you remember unsuccessful sex with laughter, and not with shudder and fear.
What is parthenophobia?
Parthenophobia literally translates as “fear of girls.” In clinical psychology, this is called the fear of virgins, and the fear of all women is called gynophobia. Parthenophobia is a subtype of gynophobia. For men it is the fear of virgins, and for women it is the fear of losing their virginity. In both cases, fear is manifested by psycho-emotional tension, uncertainty and rejection of relationships with the opposite sex.
What manifestations accompany the fear of virgins:
- panic fear of intimacy, at the thought of it and during it;
- reduction of contacts with women or complete refusal from them, especially from intimacy.
Somatic symptoms are nonspecific:
- shiver;
- chills;
- sweating;
- increased blood pressure;
- arrhythmia and tachycardia;
- tremor of the limbs;
- dry mouth;
- dyspnea;
- feeling of a lump in the throat;
- weakness in the body, including partial paralysis;
- presyncope and fainting;
- nausea and vomiting;
- fear of going crazy.
Men have problems with potency due to fear, and women have decreased libido.
How to stop being afraid of your first time with a guy: love yourself first
A slightly deeper problem is embarrassment and dissatisfaction with one’s body. Fear for the first time is caused by complexes that make you feel ashamed of yourself. He will see me completely naked, notice every centimeter of my body, discover flaws... No, in such a situation I don’t want anything anymore!
Unlike the reasons described above, this cannot be solved so easily. Although there is still one way - have sex in the dark, then there are no risks.
But it is impossible to indulge in carnal pleasures all the time with the lights off; at some point you will have to come out of the shadows. And going to the gym can, of course, fix the body, but what to do with complexes?!
You need to love yourself and learn to accept your body. If you can’t change your beliefs on your own, then going to a psychologist can help.
You need to do this differently and you will spend your whole life thinking about how to stop being afraid of your first time with a guy. Many maintain their innocence until death. Don't do this.
What a strange phobia
Sexual phobias are a completely abnormal thing, not typical of a healthy person, which means they can be considered a type of mental disorder, like other, more banal phobias. Fear of sex (coitophobia or sexophobia) is a psychological or physical fear of sexual intercourse or any sexual relationship. But the most common manifestation of this phobia is the fear of losing virginity, which can be, to a small extent, inherent in a large number of female representatives. Girls think: “Why are sexual relationships so difficult, why does losing your virginity hurt?” But sexophobia in its development goes much further, making any romantic and love relationships impossible, because in the head of a person who experiences fear of sex, any manifestation of feelings is immediately associated with sex itself. And it begins - I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid... Why, exactly, should we be afraid of this?
People with sexual phobias may experience romantic feelings, but try not to have close relationships with anyone in order to avoid the possibility of intimate contacts. The result of coitophobia is a feeling of loneliness, alienation, they are also ashamed of their personal fears and become withdrawn.
Women's desire to avoid sex has long been the subject of jokes. So why should we take this very seriously? But in the case of real coitophobia, fatigue, laziness and frigidity have absolutely nothing to do with it. Only some women experience real, animal fear before having sex for the first time. And the name for this is erophobia. This phobia is based on psychological problems.
Decide to take action
The young man needs to make sure that the girl is sufficiently aroused and the lubricant has already been released from her vagina, otherwise it will be very painful for her. Then the partner must spread the girl’s legs to the sides, carefully insert the penis into the vagina, sharply push it forward and stop. At this moment, many girls experience pain from damage to the hymen, and blood may even be released from the vagina. This is an absolutely normal process, and if the girl is still ready for further caresses and sex, it is better for her partner to continue the movements. But if a girl says that she is in pain, it is better to stop the process immediately. In a few days, when everything has healed, you will be able to get real pleasure.
First sex is not a competition between young people. It may not turn out as ideal as young people imagine. But not all things turn out well the first time. Just take it for granted that during the first sex any mistake is possible and everything is forgiven. And don't treat this as a tragedy or failure.
