Tips for raising teenagers (13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18 years old)

The best advice for raising happy, healthy teenagers.

The teenage years are a time to make sure your child is ready for life after school. You'll probably notice that your teen may be quite independent in many ways. But this is also the time when you will notice areas that need some improvement.

When you notice that your teen is struggling in certain areas, teach them new life skills. And give her plenty of opportunities to practice responsibility and independence. Focusing on healthy habits now can teach your teen how to take care of themselves in the future.

Daily life of a teenager

Even though there will be times when your teen will insist that he knows everything or that he has all the skills needed to function in the adult world, there is a good chance that his skills can be adjusted.

Of course, adolescence brings many new opportunities. Getting a driver's license and working a part-time job are just some of the milestones that will give your teen the opportunity to practice responsibility.

In the meantime, it is important to teach your teen to take care of himself and do daily activities that will prepare him for the future.

Diet and nutrition

A well-balanced diet should help your teen get all the vitamins and minerals he needs. Teenagers are likely to already fall short of the daily recommended quotas of calcium, iron, zinc and vitamin D.

Unless blood tests and a pediatrician's evaluation reveal a specific deficiency, it is preferable to obtain nutrients from food rather than from supplements.

In terms of calories, moderately active boys need:

• 13 year olds need 2200 calories
• 14 year olds need 2400 calories
• 15 year olds need 2600 calories
• Teenagers 16, 17 and 18 years old need 2,800 calories.

Moderately active girls 13 to 18 years old need 2,000 calories per day.

Teens who are active more than 60 minutes a day may need more calories, while teens who are sedentary will need fewer calories to maintain a healthy body mass index.

Teenagers choose their own food. This may mean that they are more likely to eat fast food with their friends. It is important to teach your teen to make good choices.

Focus on health, not weight. Discuss the importance of fueling his body and brain.

Stock your kitchen with healthy fruits and vegetables. Save sugary foods for occasional treats.

Watch out for diet and body problems, especially in girls. Teenage girls often try to lose weight, and many limit their food intake or start eating only certain types of food. Eating disorders often begin during adolescence.

Adolescent development

Love them very, very much

Love everything about them, even the things that annoy you. Love them not only for their actions, but also for their intentions. Let them know how much you adore them - both in words and in deeds. Every day. Love their wrinkled shirts, the overwhelming smell of their deodorant. Love their bad handwriting and pimply cheeks. Love their scattered heads and long, gangly arms and legs. All these seemingly insignificant details are part of the amazing, magical process of growth.

It's like witnessing a diamond being cut.

One fine day, all these imperfections go away, and a responsible, serious adult is born. Loving husband and father. Or a wonderful wife and mother. It is a blessing to witness the glorious formation.

Keep your teens in perspective rather than seeing them as a burden. They are very receptive and insightful. They see your attitude. So just love them.

Physical activity

Teenagers are recommended to exercise for 60 minutes every day. Aerobic exercise should be your primary activity.

But muscle-building exercises, such as strength training, and bone-building exercises, such as jumping, are also important for good health.

If your teen isn't interested in joining a sports team, don't force it. Help her find what she really wants to do. A daily walk or bike ride, kayaking or swimming may be activities she enjoys more than team sports.

Even if your teen doesn't play sports, there are many activities that can get them moving. You can also make physical activity an activity for the whole family. Go for an evening walk after dinner or go hiking on the weekends.

Limit your teen's screen time and encourage them to spend time outside. Talk about how important it is to keep your body healthy and make it a priority to be a good role model.

Search for authority

At all times, fourteen-year-old boys tried to find an example to follow. At this time, it is very important for him to figure out whether his parents are right or wrong, whether they can trust their statements and the truths that were instilled in him since childhood. The teenager chooses his own authority. To be like their idol, teenagers change not only their clothing style, but also their entire behavior. At this time, it is very important for parents to unobtrusively push him towards the right choice. This must be done in such a way that the teenager has no idea who contributed to the acquaintance he needed. The boy himself must feel the need for such communication. He cannot follow the example of those whom he does not like, in whom he does not feel a friendly disposition and trust.

Around the house

The teenage years are a critical time for young people to learn to make decisions for themselves and take on more responsibility. The more responsibility they can take on now, the less they will have to struggle during the transition to adulthood.

Responsibilities learned during adolescence include:

• Complete tasks efficiently and correctly at home, at school and at work.
• Take care of personal hygiene and personal belongings.
• Show compassion for other people.
• Be socially responsible in everyday life and online.
• Control your emotions and interact with people correctly.
• Understand that sexual activity can have consequences.
• How to deal with peer pressure situations such as drinking, smoking and drug use.
• Adult privileges such as driving a car or having a bank account.
• Keep your job and work well with others on the team.
• The ability to earn money and spend money wisely.

Make sure your teen knows how to do important household chores, such as laundry and preparing basic meals. Sometimes you can rotate chores around the house so they have a chance to practice the housekeeping tasks you do to maintain the home.

Give teens privileges based on their level of responsibility. If they can show you that they can be trusted with household chores, you will have more confidence that he can take responsibility for driving or going out with his friends without supervision.

While your teen will want to spend most of their time with their friends, it's important to insist on spending some time together as a family. A monthly family fun night or weekly pizza night may be traditions you decide to keep.

Eat together as a family whenever you can. This can be an important way to communicate with your teen on a daily basis.

Remember what you want to achieve

Always remember what you want to achieve by saying this or that phrase to your child. Ask yourself – what kind of reaction am I expecting? Why am I going to say this now?

If you ask yourself about this, then in many cases you will understand that you are going to say this phrase solely in order to throw out your negativity, your irritation, your fatigue.

As we have already said before, doing this to a person who is younger than you, whose psyche is still much more touching and much weaker than yours, is simply unacceptable.

Therefore, if you can always ask yourself such a question, I am sure you will avoid many conflict situations and will not say very many words that you would not like to say.

This formula sometimes seems like just some kind of pipe dream. This is a skill - the ability to ask yourself such a question is truly a skill. When you learn to do this, it will help you not only in communicating with your children. This will help you in communicating at work, in communicating with your husband.

Before each phrase, you can take a breath inside yourself and ask: “This reaction now - what will it lead to? What do I want to achieve?

Often this question, like a cold shower, relieves our irritation and we understand that at this stage we do not want to behave in the best way, which gives us the opportunity to choose the right strategy for behavior and communication with our children.

Health and Safety

It is important for a teenager to know how to take care of his health. Risky behavior can be one of the biggest dangers teenagers face. So educate your teen about the dangers they face and give up privileges when they make poor choices.

Visiting the doctor

Teens can continue to see their pediatrician until age 21. It is recommended that teenagers have annual health checks.

Exercise, acne, respiratory infections, asthma and skin problems are common reasons why teens need to visit their pediatrician between annual visits.

It is important to give teens the opportunity to talk to their pediatrician alone. They may have questions about sex, sexuality, STDs, alcohol, drugs, or other sensitive issues that they don't feel comfortable talking about in front of their parents.

Your pediatrician should check your child's body mass index, provide physical activity and nutrition counseling, and provide education about sexually transmitted infections.

Sexually active teens can be tested regularly for sexually transmitted diseases, including chlamydia and gonorrhea, even if they don't have any symptoms.

Obstetricians and gynecologists recommend that girls have their first gynecological visit at the age of 15 years

The pediatrician should also check for mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. It is important to communicate any concerns you may have about your teen's mood or behavior.

Don't sweat the small stuff

Your teenager threw his backpack in the middle of the room, and, of course, it seems completely natural to you to blame everything on his laziness. Or he scattered his things in the bedroom, dirty mixed with clean ones - of course, it is natural to think that this is a sign of his general laxity. But instead, before you open your mouth to yell at him, put yourself in his shoes. First, ask how his day was. Maybe they just feel exhausted, maybe they just need sympathy. Forget about the mess for a moment and just hug your healthy, sweaty boy or girl. Talk to him about his problems. Find out what he did, what he wants to do and what he dreams about. Then and only then ask him to pick up the proverbial backpack and put it back in its place.

Do you think I'm saying that I completely ignore the state of my boys' bedrooms? No, of course not. But I measure my demands. I choose the right time to deal with their sloppiness. Every 7-10 days I tell them it's time to clean the bedrooms. Which they do with pleasure, because the rest of the time their mother doesn’t bother them with whining about the mess. They know that when I ask, the request must be fulfilled.

Teenager's dream

Doctors and pediatricians recommend that teenagers sleep 8 to 10 hours every night. Starting school early can make it difficult for teens to get the recommended amount of sleep.

Their body clock causes them to go to bed later and sleep longer. This makes waking up early very difficult.

To help your teen get enough sleep, there are a few things you can do:

• Talk to your teen about her nightly routine. Discuss the importance of giving yourself time to relax before bed. Reading or taking a bath can be a good way to relax.
• Turn off electronic devices beforehand. Turn off smartphones, laptops and TVs at least 30 minutes before bed. Don't let her sleep with her smartphone in the bedroom.
• Dozing is not recommended. Falling asleep after school can interfere with your night's sleep.
• Keep your teen's sleep schedule consistent. Sleeping in on the weekends or staying up too late on vacation will disrupt your teen's body clock. Set a wake-up time on non-school days that is no more than an hour later than the school wake-up time.

Safety

The biggest safety issue teens face is their risky choices. Sometimes they can be impulsive, and unfortunately, it only takes one wrong decision to get into a serious accident.

Car accidents are the leading cause of death among teenagers in Russia. Teens ages 16 to 19 have a much greater risk of death or injury in a car accident than any other age group.

Before your teen gets behind the wheel—or becomes a passenger with a teen driver—it's important to understand the biggest dangers that lead to teen car accidents. Distracted driving, speed and driver inexperience are all factors that can contribute to traffic accidents in teens.

Set rules for your teen and make your expectations clear. Talk about the consequences of reckless behavior, such as driving too fast or getting into a car with someone who has been drinking.

The third biggest health risk for teenagers is violence. .

Talk to your teen about how to stay safe. Discuss what to do if he is being bullied or how to react if he finds out another student is carrying a gun. Talk about dating violence as well, since there is a lot of violence that happens in romantic relationships.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for adolescents aged 15 to 19 years. 8 According to the CDC, approximately 7% of high school students attempted suicide in 2016, but many more teens consider suicide but do not act on it.

While there are many factors that contribute to suicide, loneliness, depression, family problems, and substance abuse can put a teen at particularly high risk.

It is important to monitor your teen's mental health. If you suspect your teen is having mental health problems or has expressed suicidal thoughts, seek professional help. You can start by talking to their pediatrician.

Technologies

Technology plays a huge role in the daily lives of teenagers. The way they meet, interact and socialize has changed.

Stay up to date with the latest apps, social networking sites, and digital devices teens are using. Your teen will not heed your warnings if you are not aware of the risks and dangers.

Cyberbullies and sexual predators pose serious risks. But these aren't the only threats your teen faces online.

People can also try to steal their identity. Or they may be invited to participate in scams or fraudulent activities without even realizing it. Therefore, it is important to tell your teenager about these dangers.

It is also important to talk about the importance of managing their online reputation. The photos they post, the memes they share, and the content they like will continually record their activity.

The choices they make online now can affect them for the rest of their lives. College admissions officials, future bosses, and even future romantic partners can turn to the Internet to get information about them.

Set clear rules for your teen's smartphone and other electronic devices. Set consequences for breaking the rules.

While you don't need to read every message your teen sends, keep an eye on their online activity. Know what they are doing online and make sure they are making the right choices.

Causes of the 7 year crisis

When a child does not obey, behaves defiantly and rudely, it is difficult to remain calm, and it is tempting to give the insolent person a good spanking. You shouldn’t do this - trust will be completely lost

Think about why your child attracts attention to himself. Psychologists identify several reasons that explain the difficulties of the age of 7 years:

• Physiology. Have you noticed how future first-graders stretch out over the course of one summer? At about 7 years old, another growth spurt begins, sometimes so rapid that the body perceives the unusual state as stressful. Plus, the replacement of baby teeth with molars continues, which also causes the child some discomfort;
• Change of social role, leading activity. Previously, the child was just a son (or daughter), and most of his time was occupied by various games. Now he needs to master a new role, become a student and study diligently, relegating entertainment to the background. A change in the usual way of life causes confusion in a little person;
• Desire to please. It’s very easy to start something new, but over time any activity becomes boring. This happens at the age of 7 with school: a child burning with enthusiasm becomes apathetic and whiny. The kid remembers what hopes his parents have for him, and expects praise from the teacher, wants to be a successful student. A contradiction arises between fatigue and the desire to excel;
• Manifestations of individuality. At the age of 7, children reconsider the positions of their immediate environment - the family. First-graders expect that their growing up will be taken into account, their opinion will be taken into account. This is what explains stubbornness and disobedience over little things. The child simply does not have enough attention.

The whims of a 7-year-old child are provoked by resentment for not buying a toy or a ban on watching a cartoon. The time of hysterics at the slightest provocation has passed; now children's negativity always has a hidden reason.

Your teenager's world

It's normal for your teen to think that the world sometimes revolves around them. In fact, they may even think they have an “imaginary audience.”

“Imaginary audience” is a label for teenagers’ belief that there is a group of followers who are constantly watching and judging their every move. 11 The belief stems from the broader concept of adolescent egocentrism, that teenagers think the world revolves around them and that everyone pays attention to how they look and what they do. This is a normal phase of adolescent social development.

It can be frustrating for parents to see their teen change shirts five times before heading off to school when most options are pretty much the same. But this is normal teenage behavior.

In addition to being more invested in social relationships, your teen will also become more aware of social issues. They may invest in helping charities or fighting for a political cause in which they believe.

As your teen gets older, she will spend more time thinking about her values. They may question their faith or claim that they will live a different lifestyle than you. It's all part of the process of separation as your teenager comes into his own.

It's normal for all teenagers to feel like they don't fit in sometimes. Their trust may also be denied. But for teenagers who are bullied and ostracized, adolescence is likely to be a particularly difficult time.

If your teen is struggling to fit in socially, consider getting professional help. Loneliness and isolation can lead to mental health problems.

It's also important to keep a close eye on your teen's stress levels. Academic problems, social problems, sports-related pressures, and preparing for the future can sometimes be overwhelming.

Make sure your teen isn't too busy. Downtime is important.

Teens need healthy stress-reduction activities and relaxation skills. Proactively teach your teen to recognize high levels of stress and show them how to cope with stress in a healthy way.

Give an example from your favorite children's movie.

To give an example of a positive attitude, particularly respect for older people, mom can enhance it by showing clips from her favorite children's movies.

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Starting from cartoons to films with children's idols, showing the correct attitude towards older people. When watching together, mom can say that showing respect to parents is cool and useful. This will motivate your child to develop good habits.

Quick Tips

Whether your teen loves music or plays sports, support his desire to be an individual. This may mean taking a step back and realizing that your teen's job is not to make your dreams come true for them, but to make your dreams come true.

It is normal for parents to experience feelings of grief as their child grows older. Gone are the days when they depended on you, and soon they will go away on their own.

Make sure you deal with your emotions in a healthy way. Don't let your feelings hold your child back.

Finally, keep in mind that you and your teen don't have to agree on everything. Allow them to become themselves and establish themselves as individuals, as long as they do so in a safe way.

Say “yes” more often than “no”

The world will always say “no” to them anyway. All their lives they will swim in a stormy sea, where one wave (“you’re not good enough”) after another (“you can’t do this”) crashes over their heads. Personally, I'm going to always be on their side for as long as possible - as long as I can. I want to instill in them the belief that their abilities are limitless and they can do anything as long as they are willing to work hard. I want to be that person in their life who tells them, “Yes, you can.” I want them to feel invulnerable every day when they leave the house.

Problem #5 – trying to prove your own importance

The desire to make decisions independently, the teenager refuses to fulfill requests and demands, or does it all out of spite.

Why is this happening:

This behavior is provoked by the presentation of increased demands to children. By not following the rules, teenagers prove to others their own importance.

What to do:

To prevent conflicts, parents should not put pressure on the child. When he does not listen or protests, it is important to listen to his reasoning and allow him to express his own opinion.

Note! This mechanism is also common among peers - everyone forgets that teenagers are demanding of their peers. Both sides must learn to listen to each other and respect each other's opinions.

Cloth

The most important thing is that clothes should be clean and neat. Tights with hooks, a stretched turtleneck, a blouse with a greasy collar will negate all your efforts on the path to beauty and success, making you look cheap and sloppy. Take the time to keep your wardrobe in order.

How to dress is up to you. The task of clothing, like makeup, is to hide flaws and highlight advantages. Choose a style that suits your external and internal needs. Youth is a time of experimentation. Experiment, have fun with it, create your own style. But don't get carried away. First, learn the basics of the style, and then fill it out using this base. There are many sites on the Internet about style. A little life hack: most of them offer several lessons for free, and then invite you to pay for training. These introductory lessons will be enough for you to formulate your idea of ​​style and decide.

And finally. You are greeted by your clothes, but seen off by your mind. No matter how good you look, if there is an “evil thorn” hidden under your appearance, it will be difficult to become successful and make friends. Treat others the way you want to be treated, they will appreciate it. Good luck.

Appearance

Don't rely on stereotypes. The most successful actresses and models are those who have an appearance with a twist. Julia Roberts's too big mouth, Kim Kardashian's outstanding butt, and Barbra Streisand's less-than-ideal appearance did not stop them. Being close to the standard is not a guarantee of success.

Evaluate yourself impartially. Choose a hairstyle that suits your appearance, select makeup, create your own image - and all the disadvantages of your appearance will fade into the background, and the advantages will become noticeable. Just don't overdo it. The desire for individuality that has become an obsession can look funny. And don't do something that will stay forever. Dying your hair green is probably better to do it at fifteen than at twenty-five. But it is better to refrain from tattoos and piercings. Moreover, the modern industry offers a lot of temporary options.

Problem #2 – hot temper

Excessive irritability is a common companion of adolescence. For this reason, many conflict situations arise - with parents, friends, and relatives. Any prohibition or misunderstanding on the part of mom and dad is taken to heart. Being in a state of rage, the teenager shows aggression, speaks rudely and may even throw some object at the wall.

Why is this happening:

The reason for this behavior is sudden physiological changes and hormonal impulses. The nervous system is not yet ready for such surges, and it needs time to adapt to the new functions of the teenage body. Another reason for this behavior is unpreparedness for independence. Such responsibility frightens teenagers, makes them nervous and rude.

What to do:

Parents must remember that snapping back is wrong. There is no need to set a negative example for your child with your aggression. The main thing for them is to wait until the attack of nervousness passes, everyone calms down, and only then discuss the existing problem. Parents must convey to the teenager that impudent behavior will hurt loved ones, offend them and even ruin relationships.

By showing aggression, a teenager will get rid of negative emotions, but it will not make him feel better. It will only provoke conflict.

Eat "cheese"

Holes in Cheese are quick response tasks that take no more than 15 minutes.

For example, there is a task “clean the room”. It looks abstract and time-consuming. In it you need to define microtasks: wash the floor, wipe the dust, vacuum, put things away, dismantle a single shelf. One thing can take 5-10 minutes, these are the “holes in the cheese”. All the “cheese” will be eaten when the job is completed.

Read also: What are the benefits and harms of potatoes?

Face

First you need to choose the right cosmetics for teenage skin. If you are plagued by acne, choose cosmetics for problem skin. Almost every company has a special line of such products. And then we must remember to use them constantly. In the morning, wash your face with gel or wipe your face with tonic. Creams and cosmetics can only be applied to clean skin. Creams are not contraindicated, just do not apply a centimeter layer. Pimples can be “cauterized” with special “spot” creams or gels. In the evening, wash off your makeup with a special product and wash your face. Then, again, apply the cream to the problem areas, when it is absorbed, use a regular cream (if necessary). Anti-acne cosmetics can dry out the skin, so it needs to be moisturized and nourished periodically. There are masks and creams for this. Definitely age appropriate! If acne is a constant problem, and there is a possibility, contact a dermatologist and cosmetologist.