Anger is part of the self-preservation instinct. He is our internal border guard, protects the territory, defends and defines borders. One of the most highly charged feelings. Do not confuse anger and aggression, anger is a feeling, aggression is a behavior, i.e. manifested feeling.
Anger, like any other feeling, has a functional attribute (a message to act for us) - “take action to stop attacks on our well-being.” Who violates a woman’s internal boundaries and her well-being?
Anger becomes a problem when it is inadequate to the situation and clearly excessive, when it gives rise to more and more new problems and affects a person’s health and well-being.
Consequences of excess anger: muscle strain, hypertension, stomach ulcers, eczema, psoriasis, headaches, asthma (psychosomatic symptoms), depression, endless conflicts, social isolation, anxiety, psychosis.
Let's now talk about the underlying causes and processes, about secondary feelings. When someone hurt you or made you feel unpleasant and you swore only about this, this is normal and natural, but when a child or a cat “mischieves” and you yell at him for twenty minutes “for everything in the world,” it’s time to figure it out reasons. Let's look at some models of anger.
Family anger
Some children grow up in families where feelings of anger dominate and aggression becomes the norm. At first, children are afraid of their parents and their aggressive manifestations, then they learn and internalize this type of reaction to certain events in life, and already in adulthood they consider anger and aggressive behavior an integral part of their personality. Mechanism of identification with the aggressor. Sometimes, even a short period of time is enough when mom or dad were “out of order” (divorced, seriously ill, depressed, completely without work or money), anger towards the child became excessive and disproportionate to the specific situation.
What is aggression
Aggression is a strong, vivid emotion that carries a negative message. Not a single person on earth is deprived of this emotion; it is an integral part of the emotional sphere of a person. This emotion arises in the form of a reaction to certain situations in life. In other words, it is not just a reaction, it is behavior, words, gestures and the emotional state in which a person is. Women, men, children and adolescents, without exception, can experience aggression.
Outbursts of anger
- The first thing to understand is that aggression is not a disease, not a breakdown of the psyche - it is a natural reaction to situations that act as a trigger for the psyche.
- Secondly, the degree and frequency of its manifestation are the main indicator of the presence of destruction in the psyche.
- The third thing that plays an important role in this area is methods of self-control at the time of aggression.
Any manifestation of anger or malice has reasons that, in the process of psychotherapy, are discovered and lived in a more environmentally friendly way for the individual. Aggression in women can be of a different nature, which means that its manifestations will also differ.
Anger as a way to achieve a goal
Sometimes anger is a motivator to achieve a goal, but in most situations you can do without it.
Many parents are convinced that only shouting and physical force can get what they want from their child. “That’s why when you speak calmly and kindly, no one does anything, but as soon as you start shouting or getting angry, everyone immediately obeys and fulfills all demands.” Both husband and children))) But when in a family parents fulfill their desires through shouting and aggression, children quickly “grab” this model and successfully use it in their lives. Most often, this parental aggression hides self-doubt, accumulated irritation and the inability to express one’s demands without attack.
Types of female aggression
When the word “aggression” is mentioned, most people associate it with a warlike and angry state that destroys everything in its path. Like a hurricane, aggressive behavior at high speed winds up a woman’s internal state. In psychology, the following types of aggressive behavior are distinguished:
- An open form of aggression.
It can have different manifestations, it is a physical attack, shouting and swearing at another person.
- Closed type of aggression.
A person does not demonstrate his attitude and only accumulates negative emotions in his condition. Most often, it is women who are susceptible to hidden types of aggression, but this does not mean that they do not express their anger openly.
Below are some real life examples.
Example No. 1
Two friends outwardly show goodwill, but in reality they experience competition with each other. The success of one is internally perceived negatively, but, on the contrary, joy and positive emotions are demonstrated. The negative energy that accumulates towards a friend necessarily finds a way out in the form of envy, gossip and gloating when the latter fails.
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Example No. 2
In a family, passive aggression can manifest itself in the idea of being ignored. The husband and wife quarreled, and the woman may decide that she will punish her husband with her silence. In attempts at reconciliation, he can ask for forgiveness, take the first steps, but if the anger inside the woman is still boiling, then she will continue to remain silent and ignore all his words and actions.
Example No. 3
Manifestation and demonstration of eternal dissatisfaction with the behavior, appearance and manner of communicating to your husband is also considered as passive aggression. The woman does not throw fists, does not scream, no, she constantly criticizes.
As a rule, a woman directs her anger at loved ones, these are children and spouse. This is evidenced by numerous studies where women themselves would like to understand why they show outbursts of aggression towards loved ones, and are looking for ways to manage their anger.
Protracted separation processes
During pregnancy and in the first years of the baby’s life, the mother is in a symbiotic fusion with him, since for the child it is a matter of survival. It is unnatural for an adult healthy person to be in such a total fusion with another person, which is why nature designed the hormone oxytocin and its increased production in women during pregnancy and infancy. The hormone is responsible for acceptance, emotional attachment, harmony and calm. But when children grow up and become more independent, the woman’s hormones return to normal. She is no longer ready for the level of intimacy and fusion that she had before. Women have a need for their own personal space and a part of life separate from children. If this does not happen in reality, the child does not start the mechanism of gradual separation, separation from the mother, the woman begins to experience a strong and powerful feeling of anger. She realizes it through minor scandals with her husband, irritation with children and others, if of course she knows how to show this anger, or she restrains herself, accumulates anger and gradually unloads it into her body - muscle strain, armor, pain in the back, spine and chest. There is another process when a woman’s body does not have enough of the hormone “oxytocin” and there is virtually no parental instinct; in the first years, pregnancy and maternity leave are incredibly difficult. Those. there are two directions here - acceptance, love and merging in the first years with the child and further gradual separation in subsequent years. Where there is movement with slipping, we work in that direction.
Is it true that women are more aggressive than men?
Photo by Anna Tarazevich: Pexels
In the scientific world, debate continues regarding the true causes of aggression in women and men. Research is being conducted that allows us to understand the origins of the emergence of aggressive tendencies in the psyche.
The topic of aggressiveness in women deserves special attention, since it is generally accepted that it is representatives of the weaker sex who are most susceptible to neuroses and mental breakdowns.
In fact, this is an incorrect and erroneous opinion that has no basis.
In men and women, aggression can manifest itself in different forms, as it has a different nature of origin. To begin with, it is worth defining the concept of aggression and highlighting the main characteristics of this behavior.
How to deal with aggression in a relationship?
Such a human reaction does not bring anything good and bright. And such a manifestation must and can be fought. When the cause of the outbreak of aggression is determined, you can safely begin to eliminate it. Here are some effective ways:
- Under no circumstances should you respond in kind to your partner. Retaliatory anger can only cause half to become even more aggressive. It’s better to remain silent, speak calmly, and let the person speak. Then you can continue the conversation peacefully.
- To suppress your aggression, it is better to do breathing exercises (deep breath, holding your breath, deep exhalation). This will bring the body into a calm state.
- You can give vent to your negative energy through physical exercise (press exercises, push-ups, squats, etc.).
- Household chores (washing dishes, floors, etc.) help get rid of aggression.
- You can also take out your anger on your pillow. She needs to be beaten with fists. This way, all the negativity will go away.
- If you have experience in meditation, then you should take it up. This also includes the practice of writing your negative feelings on a piece of paper. Then it must be burned.
- Before you say nasty things to your other half, you should go to another room, catch your breath and figure out the reason why the argument started. After realizing the reason, you need to think about whether it’s worth quarreling over this.
- A walk in the fresh air or watching a pleasant movie helps suppress your aggression.
- It is necessary, if possible, to avoid the cause of the conflict (for example, if one of the partners is annoyed by the fact that the other leaves unwashed dishes, you should wash the dishes after yourself).
- If conflicts have become serious, you should seek help from a specialist (psychologist). It will help you cope with your own aggression.
In today's hectic world, there are reasons for aggression at every turn. And if you don’t learn to control your emotions (don’t suppress them, but allow them to go out in a different direction), then divorce is just a stone’s throw away. You should not allow negative feelings to dominate family relationships.
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There are many everyday things that piss everyone off. Troubles or coolness in a relationship can cause a woman to be in a bad mood. Men should be aware of what causes female irritability and avoid it in relationships in order to protect their significant other from negative emotions.
The man doesn't want to communicate
He doesn’t ask her questions like “how are you?”, “how can I help?”, “how are you feeling?” Many men in long-term relationships simply close themselves off from their other half, which makes a woman justifiably angry, because she wants to communicate with her loved one. You need to talk about more than just household chores.
A man doesn't admire a woman
When the man he loves stops complimenting a woman, she fades away. As soon as he stops saying “you are beautiful”, “I like this about you”, it makes the woman give up trying to become more beautiful. She is dissatisfied with herself, and therefore with the whole world.
A woman does everything, a man does nothing
She cooks, washes and cleans, but the man does not respect her work and does not offer his help. In this case, the woman becomes dissatisfied and aggressive. It is necessary to understand that housework is hard work that must be divided between partners.
The woman takes care of the children herself
A man is always at work, and then meets with friends or minds his own business, and the children are always with the woman. This is absolutely wrong: a woman should be given the opportunity to rest, see her friends, and be alone.
A woman does not feel cared for by a man
It is very important for a man to be interested in what his spouse or partner loves and desires. A woman needs attention. She wants people to look after her and try to make her happy.
A man wants to be the winner in all disputes
If a man constantly stands his ground until the last moment, then the woman will not stand aside. There will be no limit to her irritation, because love is the ability to make concessions. You can't make your significant other your enemy.
The woman is just tired
Tired of endless tasks and worries, of children, of work, of routine. Many women are emotional people who need to be nourished with new feelings and bright emotions. Without this, they wither and begin to get angry at everything.
Men often do strange things that irritate women, but you shouldn’t think that nothing irritates men themselves. There are at least seven very annoying behaviors of women that the stronger sex cannot tolerate.
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12.12.2020 01:49
