Speaking persuasively is a useful skill not only for those who are going to speak at a conference or dream of becoming a stand-up comedian. In ordinary life there are many situations when everything depends on your ability to win the attention of the public.
It is difficult to convince investors to invest in a project if your thoughts are confused during the presentation. Even beautiful slides won’t save you. Sincere congratulations are unlikely to happen if you cannot put two words together when the microphone reaches you at the holiday. Colleagues will not listen to you if your solution is the best, but you described it crumpled and chaotic.
The inability to speak in public can seriously slow you down in a dozen different areas. But performance anxiety is completely normal. Even great TED speakers get nervous before going on stage, and journalist Irina Shikhman said in a recent video that she experiences jitters before every interview. Just a second, there are already about 100 recorded conversations on her channel.
Practice and special exercises will help you not to let fear hold you back, not to hide behind your back or run out of the room when it’s your turn to speak.
Learn to control your voice better
The voice is the speaker's main instrument. To master it well means to choose the appropriate intonation, a convincing manner, and the right volume. Practice voice control and record exercises on audio so you can listen to yourself from the outside.
pexels.com
- Timbre. Say the same phrases in either a low or high voice. Feel how their meaning changes. Speak “through the nose” - a higher tone, “through the throat” - in your normal voice and “through the chest” - more enveloping and sonorous. A chest voice helps the prosody of a public speech to sound more convincing. It is known that voters are more willing to vote What Science Says About “Sounding Presidential” for politicians with deep chesty voices.
- Prosody. This is the doctrine of stress. Practice emphasizing a specific syllable, word in a sentence, or part of a phrase. Learn to place precise accents and highlight with your voice exactly what you want to emphasize.
- Speed. Consciously alternate the pace of speech, speak faster and slower. Learn to pause and don’t be afraid of silence - not every second needs to be filled with words. Pauses can be very meaningful.
- Volume. Practice adjusting the intensity of your voice. Try to charge people with a cheerful and loud sound, switch to a mysterious half-whisper that makes them listen to you.
If you don't know how to approach work, you can work with a voice and speech coach to better understand which direction to move.
How to speak so that people listen to you
Simply speaking your speech and speaking it so that you are listened to are two different things. No matter what smart and important thoughts you try to convey to your interlocutor, he may simply not “hear” you. And the reason for this will not always be in your interlocutor. Maybe it’s you who don’t know how to speak convincingly and interest people with your words?
Communicating effectively with people is really difficult. Ask, for example, any public speaker, and he will confirm that keeping the attention and interest of the audience is as difficult as getting up at seven in the morning every day for a night owl. No, perhaps it is even more difficult.
For a businessman, the ability to make oneself listen is simply necessary. Otherwise, not a single deal, small or large, will end the way he wants it.
American TV presenter Larry King knows how to talk to people so that they don't pretend to listen to you, but actually listen. He even wrote a book on this topic, “How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere,” which became mega-popular all over the world. If you don’t have time to read it, then we offer 12 tips from this book that will help you start changing your approach to business (and other) communication with people.
1. If you want to learn how to speak effectively, do it as much and often as possible.
Correct speech can be compared to any sports game or driving a car. The more you practice, the better you get. One theory will not do here. You need practice, every day and with a variety of interlocutors.
2. Feel free to talk to yourself.
If you live alone, then there will be no problems at all - talk to yourself out loud. Especially if you are about to give a public speech or are preparing for a serious business conversation, speak your speech preparations out loud. This will also be some kind of training.
If you are embarrassed by your family with whom you live, then do it while locking yourself in your room, or in the car on the way to work. And don’t just deliver a prepared speech, but do it as if you were already talking with your interlocutor. With each training session, polish your phrases, intonation, tone, and tempo.
3. If you are not sure what exactly needs to be said, it is better to remain silent.
It is better to be suspected of being too stupid to carry on a conversation than to speak without your interlocutors having any doubts about this.
4. Talk to the mirror.
This technique is used by many who prepare for public speaking, and it has repeatedly proven its effectiveness. But try using this technique in everyday communication. Just stand in front of the mirror and start talking to your reflection as if you were talking to another person.
First, you will learn to make eye contact with the other person, and this is very important in any conversation. Secondly, you will see how you look during a conversation. This way you can find your weaknesses and work on them. Maybe it will be your facial expression or excessive gestures.
5. Use slang and jargon to a minimum.
Such words are not acceptable to everyone. If you get too carried away with slang, you risk being misunderstood.
6. Listen to yourself.
When you're talking to someone, the flow of your speech can sometimes be difficult to control. And few people do this intentionally. Try to listen to your own speech and perhaps you will discover many unexpected things. What if you often don’t finish sentences or tend to repeat the same thought several times? Interjections “uh”, “well” and the like are rarely noticed by anyone in their speech, but they really spoil it.
7. Put yourself in the shoes of your interlocutor.
Communication is not a one-way action, and any conversation involves at least two people (training in front of a mirror doesn’t count :)). If you want your interlocutor to be honest with you, be honest with him. If you want openness and ease, then show it on your part. The well-known expression “do unto others as you would have others do unto you” should also be applied when communicating.
Get rid of some habits
Audio expert and business coach Julian Treasure believes that certain social habits hinder the ability to deliver persuasive speech—what he calls the “deadly sins of communication.” Here's what the expert advises against:
- Gossip. Don't talk bad about people behind their back. They don’t listen to gossipers because they know that in five minutes they will be gossiping about those they are talking to now.
- Condemnation. Don't blame others for their choices. People feel condemned as an encroachment on their freedom and shut down.
- Negative. Try not to reduce everything to a negative connotation. A speaker who sees everything in dark colors does not evoke the desire to listen.
- Complaints. Don't grumble and complain about everything around you. Complaining doesn't give you inspiration to solve a problem, it forces you to get deeper into it.
- Excuses and finding someone to blame. Few people want to listen to a person who is making excuses or looking for someone to blame.
- Exaggerations. Don’t try to embellish too much, save special words for truly outstanding phenomena. Exaggerations can sound like lies, and people don't want to listen to people who are deceiving them.
- Dogmatism. Do not position your point of view as the only correct one. Give others the opportunity to choose facts over opinions.
Charm and charisma
That the first and the second are internal innate qualities of a person, and if not everyone can find charisma in themselves, then any person is capable of appealing to charm.
Every child attracts, so it is useless to deny the fact that you do not even have the rudiments of this quality. I'm sure the people you want to win you over will like you. It’s just that, most likely, you rarely use this ability, and therefore it is not sufficiently developed in you.
Use simple rules that will help you learn to be charming.
- Smile more often. You seem to be doing nothing, but making others friendly towards you.
- Forget about everything bad. Right now everything is fine. Any negative message, bad mood, discontent play against you.
- If you find yourself in a company that is not very pleasant for yourself, try not to focus your attention on the shortcomings of others.
It is easiest to learn charm from children: they are smiling, do not wait for initiative in a conversation, do not give in to despondency and do not focus on problematic issues.
Follow the HAIL principle
This principle will help you earn the attention and trust of other people. Check if your speech fits these four criteria:
- H - honesty - honesty. Speak truthfully and do not hold anything back.
- A - authenticity - authenticity. Be yourself, don't pretend to be something you're not.
- I - integrity - integrity. First of all, follow your own words, live what you talk about.
- L - love - love. Sincerely wish people well and love them.
Fellowship in the Bible
“Therefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to be angry” (James 1:19). Here it is - the most important secret of any communication, written in the most important book - the Bible: hurry to listen, do not rush to speak.
“Remind us, charging before the Lord, not to enter into disputes over words, which in no way serves to benefit, but rather to upset, those who hear” (2 Tim. 2:14). Another piece of wisdom: as a rule, what is born in a dispute is not truth, but quarrel. Therefore, if you want to maintain peace with others, remove arguments from your communication.
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). Down with empty words - the Bible says, every word should have meaning, grace, salt. If you speak, let it not be a simple “shaking of air”, but words that carry deep meaning.
“If anyone among you thinks he is godly and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his own heart, his godliness is empty” (James 1:26). An angry person who does not control his tongue and does not tame it cannot be called a worthy, godly person, the Bible teaches.
Brevity is the sister of talent, said Chekhov, and even earlier, many centuries before him, the wise King Solomon wrote in the Bible: “When you talk too much, sin cannot be avoided, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Prov. 10:19).
“Speak so that I can see you,” the ancient philosophers asked when they tried to understand what kind of person stood in front of them. “The tongue of the wise communicates good knowledge, but the mouth of fools spews out foolishness” (Prov. 15:2), says the even more ancient Bible. It is enough to hear how a person speaks to understand who is standing in front of you - smart or stupid.
Learn to create pictures with words
When you speak, images appear in other people's minds. If your speech is full of abstract concepts, the picture will not add up. An idea that is difficult to visualize will not be remembered by the audience or interlocutors. Convey visual images using speech. For example, look at two descriptions of the same situation.
- It's hard to imagine the picture:
I worked a lot and was completely devastated. I didn’t feel rewarded from my work, and my ambitions remained unfulfilled. I dreamed of opening my own business, such as a restaurant or coffee shop.
- It's easy to imagine the picture:
The office seemed like a prison to me: I sat in my office from eight in the morning until eight in the evening. The boss’s screams could be heard from behind the wall, and letters of complaints were pouring into the post office. I looked at the monitor and spent hours imagining myself grinding coffee beans at the bar counter of my restaurant.
Bottom line
How to speak so that you are understood? Precisely, briefly, directly, without hints or negative emotions, asking leading questions.
It all sounds simple, but in practice it has tangible results. Observe your manner of speech. Your spear may not be sharp enough to pierce a mammoth's armor.
I have listed 5 steps that seem to me to be the most basic. I’m sure you can add to them the ability to speak the language of your interlocutor and other points. Maybe you don't agree with something? Write your thoughts on this in the comments! How to speak so that people understand you?
Subscribe to blog updates if you want to receive article announcements by email.
See you later! Yours Alexander Gorokhov
Clearly highlight the main idea
TED conference curator Chris Anderson, who helps speakers prepare for their presentations, advises focusing on one idea at a time. This is the message you want to leave in the minds of your listeners. Concentrate on it and don’t try to cover everything at once so that the audience’s attention doesn’t wander.
If you give different examples, each of them should echo the main idea in one way or another. Circular storytelling works well. When you first raise a question, you move away from it and talk about different aspects of it, and at the end you bring the speech back to the question and give an answer that follows from your reasoning.
About the beauty of speech
When it comes to how to speak correctly, one remembers the colloquial speech of the intelligentsia of past years. In the documentary chronicle you can hear the speech of each of them.
Faina Ranevskaya (actress), Nikolai Drozdov (hosted the program “In the Animal World”), Yuri Senkevich (hosted the program “Travelers Club”) are wonderful representatives of connoisseurs of the art of words from whom you can learn to speak competently.
These are people who express their thoughts in such beautiful words, which are heard less and less these days, or have even completely disappeared from speech patterns. The beautiful Russian language is gradually turning into surrogate phrases from all countries of the world. It’s a shame, but a self-respecting, intelligent person will not replace the word “beautiful” with the word “cool” or “remarkable.”
Beautiful speech - the speaker’s weapon and what distinguishes it
For those who believe that the Russian language is still great and do not know how to learn to speak competently, there are basic rules that will help them. We are all speakers at heart, each person has words to express their thoughts. But this does not mean that everything we say is correct.
A skilled speaker always knows how to talk and has several advantages over the general mass of people:
- erudition and erudition. The more knowledge a person has, the better he can express his thoughts, the richer his vocabulary, and the easier it is for him to speak beautifully. This is the essential equipment for giving an inspiring and impressive speech;
- intelligible and clear speech, absence of diction defects, persuasiveness and understandable presentation - very important qualities for a person speaking in front of an audience;
- to some extent, every speaker must be a psychologist in order to understand the mood of the masses and join in in an appropriate manner. It is unlikely that anyone will listen to a sad, sleepy person talking. The speech of a true speaker takes possession of the souls of the listeners;
- the speaker knows exactly the difference between oral and written speech, and will not allow himself to read his speech instead of speaking beautifully and confidently, looking into the eyes of his opponents.
Rely on ideas that are close to your listeners
Other people will listen to you if they care about the issue you are addressing. If the audience doesn't understand your topic at all, put it in an understandable context and describe it using metaphors that people are familiar with.
For example, geneticist Jennifer Doudna said that her invention allows us to make changes to DNA in the same way that text editors give us the opportunity to change already printed text. And speaker Tim Urban explained how the brains of procrastinators work with the help of drawn men. This made it easier for his audience to understand what neurotransmitters are.
Communicate - make it common
But the very verb “communication” contains the purpose of this process itself: “to communicate” means “to make common.” Therefore, you should always remember: any communication is not only about you, about your thoughts and your stories, it is an opportunity, first of all, to join the inner world of another person.
This is the main secret of good communication - learning to listen. This way you will turn the “dialogue of the deaf”, so common today, into a real, pleasant conversation. And this is how you will become an excellent interlocutor - someone who is valued and with whom it is truly pleasant to talk. Because people feel strongly when they are truly listened to. And, if a person is listened to, he begins to feel needed and even happy.
Learn body language
Experiments by social psychologist Amy Cuddy have confirmed that body language can change consciousness. For example, when we are happy, we smile. But this also works in the opposite direction: when we force ourselves to smile, we become happier.
pixabay.com
Make it work for you: express your authority with your body if you don’t yet feel it with your brain. Demonstration of confidence and power - an open pose, arms spread to the sides, filling the space with oneself. On the contrary, a closed posture, folded hands, clenched fists - this is a lack of control, fear, a desire to hide. If you force yourself to adopt an open posture, your brain will receive a signal that you feel confident.
Be interesting
If you want to get a girl to listen, think about what topics interest her. First, pay attention to what the woman herself is talking about and build your own monologues based on this. The same applies to men.
You can say banal things, but fill your speech with interesting facts, life stories and other lyrical digressions. Don’t be afraid to take up a person’s time; he is in no hurry and will listen with pleasure if the story seems interesting to him.
