Why does your ex-boyfriend remind you of himself? Psychologist's opinion and advice

Many girls have encountered a situation where an ex-boyfriend or husband makes himself known after a breakup. He likes photos on social networks. He writes to find out “how are you doing.” Some even call or arrange “random” meetings. Moreover, the former partner may no longer be single and may even be married. And more than one year has passed since the separation. Most often, it is men who are seen to engage in such behavior. How to behave in such situations, how to react, how to get rid of the annoying “past”? Let's understand the reasons

Your personal success

When you were dating, you were the office manager, bringing coffee to the director and making photocopies of documents. Now you have become the head of the department, half of the office employees are subordinate to you. You no longer ride a minibus, and you don’t go to McDonald’s. Every six months you post photos from foreign resorts on your page. He is simply annoyed that you were “nobody” with him. And now I have achieved success! Perhaps you became like this because he abandoned you. There was no need to wash his socks or cook borscht. Moving away from depression, you focused on work and achieved heights. This hurt his pride . Now he wanted to take at least a piece of your success for himself, to regale on your laurels. Are you ready to share your success with someone who abandoned you?

Revenge

During the time that has passed since your separation, you have become prettier . She lost excess weight, started going to a cosmetologist, changed her image, and began wearing more revealing outfits. This fact may embitter him. You blossomed in his absence. And with him was a gray mouse. He himself did not help you open up, become a better version of yourself. Now, like a boy, he just wants to cause mischief. Since this beauty does not belong to him, then the feeling of ownership will push him to stupid decisions. No one can say how his psyche works and what methods of revenge he will choose. Avoid this man , politely let him know that you are no longer interested in him. In correspondence, answer briefly and dryly. No mutual likes, even if it turned out very well on the avatar. It is better not to respond to messages that do not contain questions at all. For example, if he writes “Hello! The weather is so nice today.” It reads like “Hello! Let’s meet today and take a walk.” It is better to ignore such messages. Yes, you received information from this letter that the weather is wonderful. And what? She will be the way she is even without his words. And to inform you about the weather... no one obligated him to do this

Possible consequences of renewing the relationship

Negative consequences, as a rule, arise in cases where it was not necessary to restore the previous union. Practice shows that people face betrayal by their significant other, deception, constant conflicts, misunderstandings, loss of trust, etc.

It is also important to always remember that a positive outcome of the resumption of relations is also possible - this is a strong union. It will be for all those couples in whose hearts true love lives, for those people who act sincerely and are ready to change and work on their mistakes.

Is it worth going back

Perhaps you still love your partner and dream of building a strong relationship with him. However, statistics show that very few couples successfully reunite after a breakup and live happily ever after. After all, most often lovers break up for a very good reason. Often it lies in one of them.

Think about whether anything about your partner has changed since you broke up. Perhaps he has become more serious, responsible, and has decided not to cheat on you anymore. If nothing has changed, then is there any point in stepping on the same rake? After all, you will have to repeat what you have already experienced once. Are you ready for this?

Unforgettable sex

He can't forget how good he felt with you.
After you, he probably had many girlfriends. But he still remembers sex with you . To some extent, this is a reason to increase your self-esteem. You have taken a special place among others. Well, the ex... having gone through other options again wants to bring back that “fire” in bed. Sex certainly plays one of the most important roles in a relationship. But not the only one, and not the main one. If a guy’s character doesn’t suit you and you break up, then you shouldn’t renew or prolong a relationship based on sex . You can spend one or more nights indulging in “adult games”. But this will not change the essence, will not change the person. And even out of pity, spending the night with him is not the best option. Having nostalgic sex with your ex gives him hope for continuation . If your goal is to get rid of him, then such “nostalgia” is out of the question

Why does your ex-boyfriend remind you of himself?

Returning to the past is fraught with considerable risks. Trying to sew together an old connection with thin tangled threads, we often miss the new prospects, losing irrevocably priceless energy and time. If it happens that your ex occasionally reminds you of himself, then more often his actions are driven not by sincere feelings, but by completely rational thoughts. For example, in search of new love, a guy suffered a couple of failures and decided to return to his old partner.

Alas, in practice, repeated unions are rarely strong and successful, falling apart again after the first everyday storm. The chance arises only in one case - the underlying reason that led to the break is destroyed. If your partner has not changed inside and only outwardly shows a desire to make mutual concessions, then attempts to glue the relationship will only lead to new grief.

Why is your ex-boyfriend writing?

It happens that a guy is attracted to a girl solely by the desire for bodily pleasures. Even after trying a lot of options, people often return to old partners, with whom it is easy to experiment and relax during intimacy, thanks to the existence of maximum compatibility in bed. The problem is that they disagree about other major issues in life, and after a series of sweet pleasures, these couples scatter again in search of a more secure haven.

Considering the various reasons why an ex constantly writes, one cannot discount the most dangerous option - the indispensable desire to take revenge on a woman for a blow to her pride. A guy often begins to blame all personal failures on the girl who ran away, who after the breakup blossomed again, changed her style and significantly increased her status. Such people should be gently but confidently refused, leaving no chance of returning.

Does your ex like photos but not write?

In the era of social networks, men are able to remotely influence their chosen one even without her consent. Often, an ex-boyfriend likes, but does not write, pursuing unclear goals. There are several possible options:

1. The man wants to restore the relationship, but is afraid to be the first to say so, provoking you into conversation with likes.
2. If the breakup happened relatively normally, then the likes can be given in a purely friendly manner without any secret purpose.
3. If a person is completely bad and capable of dirty tricks, then in this way he wants to revive your interest in himself in order to subsequently drag you into a bad adventure. It’s better to immediately ban these subjects out of harm’s way.

Why is your ex calling?

Periodic and persistent calls from a once loved one often take them by surprise, throwing them off balance. If you are not connected by common children, work or other important matters, then it is better to block such numbers and live in peace. The probable reasons why your ex calls periodically are the following:

1. Calls from a desire to find out news about possible changes in personal life.
2. The desire to annoy, scold or spoil the mood with a caustic word, thereby at least in such a low way to increase self-esteem.
3. Drunk calls - after a certain dose, some men have an obsessive thought of making all the ladies they know happy with their communication.
4. A sincere desire to start a relationship “from scratch.”
5. It is normal to want to know about your children living with your ex-wife.
6. A man is depressed from loneliness and the only person he trusts to speak out is his ex-girlfriend. This option is possible in cases where the separation occurred without scandals, and mutual understanding remained between the partners.

Often, after a serious quarrel, you don’t want to hear the voice of the person with whom you broke off the relationship. The question of why an ex-boyfriend reminds of himself often arises at the most unexpected moment. Strange calls irritate, bewilder, and even shock. It is better to deal with such a task without haste, without succumbing to male provocations, so as not to completely ruin your life with new mistakes.

Fallback option

You cooked deliciously, washed his things, showed concern, and were kind. You didn’t make scandals in the evenings and weren’t jealous of his work colleagues. His new passion, although a real tigress in bed, nags his brain. He went to her because she was younger, sexier, more liberated. But the man is afraid to be left with nothing . If she packs her bags one day. Because he most likely won’t be able to buy a new iPhone for his birthday. That's why the ex-man periodically throws bait at you. Just in case, he keeps in touch, shows signs of attention, and offers help. If you don’t like the role of an “alternate airfield,” then distance yourself from your ex once and for all.

This situation most often occurs among married couples . When a husband leaves for a new partner, but is disappointed in her. Afraid of being left with nothing. Therefore, he is looking for backup options. And the best option is a proven one. To avoid unpleasant surprises, it is better to return to where you left. In addition, if such a couple has children left, then he will have an argument - the children need a father. This is a controversial topic, we will look at it separately in another article.

What to pay attention to when a man shows up after a breakup?

The following things will help you make sure: your beloved or husband returned because he loves you. Selfishness, the desire to improve shaky self-esteem, to feel more psychologically comfortable have nothing to do with it.

1. The returning man is actively making plans.

He talks about a future together, hints: he’s ready to start a family. This is a serious sign: the gentleman has firmly decided to throw in his lot with you.

1. The gentleman has changed.

A man truly loves if he has rethought the reasons for the breakup, admitted his own mistakes, and sincerely strives to improve.

Loneliness

It doesn't matter for what reasons you broke up. The ex simply could not be realized in terms of relationships . I haven't found a new girl. Or maybe I wasn’t looking for it. Memories haunt him. He lives in the past. Against this background, it may seem to a man that YOU were his destiny, since things didn’t work out with other women. Such a man will become active even after many years if he finds out that you are not in a relationship either. Perhaps you are already living with a new boyfriend. But he will think that you just “made a mistake”, the new man just turned your head, your new relationship is a mistake, etc. And that everything will definitely work out if you remind yourself (and remind yourself more often). Remember one thing. His failures are none of your business. You separated, and everyone has their own life. And life is full of trials and tribulations. And everyone has their own

Why does an ex-wife or girlfriend remind you of herself: psychology of women

For the question of why an ex-wife or girlfriend reminds of herself, the following opinion of a psychologist is relevant. Women's behavior after a breakup depends on the character and how the breakup occurred:

1. The man initiated the separation, and the woman harbored a grudge. Many representatives of the fair sex are insidious. If the former chosen one was like this, then she will want to take revenge. At first, she will demonstrate a desire to restore the relationship and do anything for the sake of her beloved, but when her trick works, she will leave the man.
2. The initiator of the separation is a man or a woman. At the same time, the woman is not offended and is not going to take revenge. The reason for constant reminders about yourself may be that the former chosen one has not yet found anyone. She understands that past relationships have outlived their usefulness. Her habit does not allow her to forget about her ex. That is why she periodically calls and sends messages. Another reason for self-reminders may be because of genuine feelings. A woman loves and does not want the relationship to break and all her dreams of a future together to collapse.

Start with a clean slate

It's not always possible to start over again.
This approach is closely related to nostalgia. Your ex-boyfriend flips through your shared photos and remembers how cool it was back then. Wants it all to happen again . It's been a long time. He believes that he has changed for the better. You miss him too. And here the guy can initiate an idea called “try to start all over again.” Starting a relationship like this can really give you a new honeymoon. While he still wants to impress you, so as not to look stupid. There will be flowers, gifts, attention, affection, care. All this will end someday. You will return to the state of affairs that was before the separation. If you broke up because he cheated on you. Know that he will easily change again. Don't try to bring back the past . It won't be like before. It's better to focus on the present and future. Life is full of new emotions. Take a step towards them, not a step back... into the past

Emotions when reading messages

When Jen saw Glanz’s number on the phone (other girls had a similar reaction), she was filled with mixed feelings. The physical sensations were also strange: my stomach seemed to sink somewhere, my heart began to beat faster, and my palms began to sweat. Such manifestations occur with strong excitement.

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Sincere repentance

There are exceptions. Especially in young, inexperienced couples. He may have done something seriously wrong. You had a fight and he left. In the heat of a quarrel, I said some nasty things to you. The psychology of a man in love is designed in such a way that after a while he will repent . He will be tormented by his conscience that he did wrong to you. So he starts calling you, asking to meet, sending you gifts. Some guys are embarrassed to ask for forgiveness straight away. They try to lead him to him when they meet. There are other extremes. For example, such a man may carry these emotions within himself, but under the influence of alcohol he may suddenly come to visit, begin to ask for forgiveness, confess his love, and repent. Maybe he's doing all this because he's drunk. Or maybe I only got the courage to tell you this when I was drunk?

There are examples of couples where, after such repentance, the man really realized his mistakes , was forgiven and the relationship continued

Reply or ignore?

Many girls faced this difficult choice. To do it correctly, you must understand that you have every right and every reason not to respond to the message. Especially if it could harm or compromise your mental health.

Psychotherapists advise refraining from resuming communication if you have anxiety or fear about this. This is usually caused by an unhealthy relationship that has been abusive or physically abusive. In this case, ignoring the message will not only be normal, but preferable. If the breakup was peaceful, then it’s up to you to answer or not. The main thing is that you do not experience strong emotional stress from this.

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Is it worth going back?

It's up to you to decide. Perhaps you should give your ex-lover a second chance. But it’s a SECOND CHANCE !
Not third, not fourth, not eighth. Human psychology and behavior are not always ideal. We are people, we tend to make mistakes. A mistake can be forgiven. But its systematic repetition should not be tolerated. Therefore, never rush into a decision. Give yourself (and him) time to think. At least a day, preferably several. Say that you are not ready to make a final decision right now. It’s better to weigh everything again, think it over. It’s also important which of you initiated the separation . If it was you, then follow your line to the end. Any confusion, any weakness or even subtle hints can give him hope. And the ex will show even more attentions

If the initiator was a man. The reason itself is important. If these are serious reasons (treason, insult, inappropriate behavior, material damage) and his fault, then show pride. You don't deserve this kind of treatment . And no amount of atonement will heal the spiritual wound. If you broke up out of stupidity, then you need to look at the circumstances

Take a closer look at your ex. And answer your questions. Did he really realize the mistake ? Are his words sincere? Do you still have feelings for him? Listen to your own heart and compare all the facts. If your ex-partner has not changed, then stepping on a rake twice may end up being doubly painful

Finally realized

I saved the sweets for last. In 5 - 10 cases out of 100, guys still understand how much a girl meant to them. Usually this takes them a lot of time - several months or even years. Going to this decision, they overcome the following stages:

1. Relief.
2. The sweetness of freedom.
3. A love adventure.
4. Disappointment in another.
5. Another try and again disappointment.
6. Melancholy and anger at oneself for weakness.
7. Fighting pride.
8. Unbearable sadness.
9. Awareness and acceptance.
10. Return.

Does one who has realized deserve forgiveness? Definitely yes. But only if you also feel something. If not, take pity on him and send him on his way. It is incredibly difficult to build something worthwhile on ruins. That's all I have. Goodbye.