Absolutely all men, the first to go out on the trail of hunting for young ladies, experience wild fear, almost horror. This is a normal phenomenon that does not require any unnecessary movements. Another thing is that not everyone can overcome the fear of communicating with a girl. Let's figure out where this negativity comes from, its symptoms and how to deal with this unpleasant emotion.
Increase your self-esteem
The first thing any shy person should do is improve their self-esteem. The guy must love himself. You need to convey to your consciousness the idea that every person is unique. And you are no exception. And you can correctly present your uniqueness. Don't be shy about flaunting your strengths and hiding your unattractive sides. The guy must understand that he is an interesting person who can support any topic. If this is not the case, then pay attention to your shortcomings. Is your intelligence suffering? Read more. If you are in poor physical shape, take care of your body. You should be attractive primarily not to the opposite sex, but to yourself.
What girls are guys afraid of? Popular girls seem to be the most dangerous to them. Have you ever wondered what makes popular people so attractive? Girls who enjoy increased male attention are not always gifted with beauty. Rather, ladies are characterized by charisma, which girls know how to use correctly. So why don't you develop the ability to be charming? Ladies love with their ears, not their eyes, remember this.
How to meet people more effectively
But when you work with your beliefs and change them, the experience gained is consolidated.
The process of changing beliefs cannot be quick. These are beliefs. This means that they are drilled into them as the foundation of “knowledge” on which all your experience is based. You cannot shift the foundation without destroying the building on which it stands. It’s the same with beliefs: it’s impossible to replace them just by thinking. This requires concentrated work with your head.
With the right beliefs, having fixed and memorized them, repeating them when you meet them, you change your philosophy of life. The foundation of your new personality is built on this. And the foundation, as mentioned above, is no longer so easy to shake.
Develop yourself
Have you ever heard a friend say, “I’m very afraid of girls, tell me what to do?” What advice can you give to a shy guy? Such a person should be advised to sit down with books. Some might say that girls don't like nerds. But you can read not only encyclopedias, but also fiction and science fiction. From works of art, a guy can easily master the train of women’s thoughts, the desires of ladies, and also learn how to courteously. Practice plays an important role in this matter, but theoretical preparation will not be superfluous. And science fiction books will help a guy develop his imagination. Ladies will not be bored with a well-read man. After all, you must admit that it is always interesting to talk with a person who can entertain or surprise you. And to keep up to date with the latest world events, do not forget to watch the news and read information posts on the Internet. Spend less time on the Internet, and more time will be left for self-education.
Why are you shy?
Upbringing.
From childhood you were told to keep a low profile, to be like everyone else in everything. You were taught that what you want is too expensive, not for you. That you need to work a lot (a lot, not a lot) to get it. And that those who have it are very lucky.
You were not raised as a leader, a man, a male, an achiever.
Nobody told you how to be cool and pumped up. You grow up and still don't know how to be number one in life.
You only know how to be like everyone else.
They also taught you that girls are the weaker sex. They cannot be offended, they need to give in and do everything to make the girl happy. And you act as you were taught and shower them with flowers.
But in the end you get friendzoned and nothing works out for you. And you begin to hesitate to try again. And they also told you that girls like nice guys. And you, all so diligent and wonderful, but they don’t give it to you.
Self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a very fragile thing. Once you fail a few times, it already falls. Let's say a girl you really liked rejected you. And then another, and another. That's all.
You no longer believe in your own attractiveness. You begin to delve into yourself, look for reasons why you are rejected. You feel like a notorious loser who is not interesting to anyone.
We must remember that the refusal of several girls is not a death sentence. The more you try, the better.
And every refusal strengthens you.
As soon as you realize this and let it pass through yourself, life will immediately become much easier. Don't make a tragedy and don't get depressed at the slightest failure. Believe in yourself!
Fear.
Another reason why you may be shy is the fear of making a mistake, of doing something wrong. You think that you will look funny in the eyes of a girl, you are afraid of embarrassing yourself or saying something wrong. That she'll think you're stupid or weird.
There can be many such reasons for fear. And it will be better for you if you immediately identify them and start working on them.
Even if 10% of your fears come true, nothing terrible will happen, no one will die, life will not stop.
Every time fear penetrates you, gather your eggs in a pile and approach the girl. This will only make you stronger.
Perfectionism.
For any man, it is absolutely normal to want to be the best. But it is precisely this approach to life that very often drives us into the trap that we build for ourselves.
Nothing bad will happen if one day you are not better than someone else. This should not be perceived as a tragedy.
Your perfectionism hinders you if you think that you need to do everything either perfectly or not at all. You are depriving yourself of thousands of opportunities that open up to you every day.
Attention to appearance
Guys often repeat the phrase “I'm afraid of beautiful girls.” Have you ever thought about the reasons for such fear? How do beautiful girls differ from “gray mice”? Because an attractive lady has many gentlemen and it will be difficult for you to make a good impression of yourself when you meet her. To be remembered by an attractive girl, you need to make a pleasant impression not only with your intelligence, but also with your appearance. Try to always look neat. Don't chase fashion and approach buying new things wisely. Wear clothes that you feel comfortable in and that suit you. Today it is fashionable to get tattoos. But if you do not understand this way of self-expression, then you should not decorate your body with drawings. If you don't want to wear a fashionable beard, you don't have to. Don't try to impress a lady with fashionable clothes. You should look well-groomed and neat. And by and large, the lady doesn’t care what kind of clothes you wear.
Symptoms of the disorder
Cynophobia can occur in people of all ages.
There are several forms of the disease. With a mild degree, the patient experiences only anxiety before meeting new people. If severe, he will refuse new contacts. At the mental level, this manifests itself in a feeling of panic, anxiety, and the desire to escape. The patient becomes indecisive, he mutters something under his breath and hides his gaze. Often people with kenophobia slouch, shrink, and try to become less noticeable.
From the physiological side, the following symptoms appear:
- increased sweating of the palms;
- cardiopalmus;
- difficulty breathing and others.
Control your gestures
To make a good impression on anyone, you need to feel free and relaxed. Can't you do it? At the first stage of working on yourself, you can begin to monitor gestures. Do not close yourself off from your interlocutor during a conversation. Psychologists have proven that people who create a barrier of crossed arms or legs between themselves and their opponent are perceived worse by their interlocutor. If you want to make a good impression on a girl, then do not take closed poses. During a conversation, do not forget to supplement your speech with gestures. This way your dialogue will look natural and not forced. Working with your hands also helps relieve tension. But under no circumstances twist any object in your hands. This manner of behavior will demonstrate to the interlocutor your excitement. If you don't know where to put your hands, put them in your pockets.
Do you want to help a friend who told you: “I’m afraid to confess my feelings to a girl”? Advise the guy to take control of his gestures. A young man should be in contact with a girl when talking. For example, take a lady by the hand. This will make it easier for the guy to relax and express his feelings.
The fight or flight response
The body's fight-or-flight response is partly to blame for this stupor.
This mainly happens during times of great danger.
Hormones are released to increase heart rate, adrenaline levels, and alertness to a dangerous situation.
This will prepare the body to either fight or flee a potential threat.
A very useful function of our body.
Unfortunately, this protective mechanism is also activated in relatively safe situations if we are not familiar with them.
Examples here include public speaking, networking events, and meeting beautiful women.
If we are not sure that what is happening is completely safe, our body prepares for the worst-case scenario.
This is usually not very useful because it does not allow you to relax.
Beautiful sexy girls are always a lottery. They may love you, they may hate you.
They may have a strong, aggressive husband who wants to rip your head off.
It's this uncertainty that causes heavy breathing, a racing heart, and a foggy brain—and, as a result, makes it much more difficult to start conversations with beautiful women.
Learn to relax
When a person can control his gestures, he will need to learn to relax. When a guy tells you: “I’m afraid to approach a girl,” then advise the young man to relax. It is clear that this is easier said than done. But a person’s excitement will always be visible. If he calms down and doesn't get nervous, then there won't be a problem. Consider the nature of anxiety. The guy is worried that the lady might refuse him a date. If a man keeps in mind that if this girl refuses, he will go to the next one, then the refusal will not be perceived as a tragedy. Therefore, always remember when approaching a pretty lady that if she refuses you a date, you can find an equally pretty person who will agree to spend the evening with you.
Constructive hashtag
“We are losing the fight for the law on domestic violence,” millionaire blogger Alexandra Mitroshina wrote on Instagram the day before. At the end of July, she launched the “I Didn’t Want to Die” flash mob in support of the legislative initiative. At the same time, a petition was published, which to date has been signed by more than 820 thousand people.
There are about 16.5 thousand posts under the hashtag #Ididn’twanttodie on Instagram. Bloggers and ordinary users took pictures with makeup simulating signs of beatings. The posts also included personal stories of violence from fathers, husbands and partners.
“Do you know that every fifth (!) woman/girl/girl is subjected to physical violence in Russia, the statistics increase every year,” this is an excerpt from a post by one of the bloggers who supported the action. Critics of the law against domestic violence, primarily in the person of the organization Parental All-Russian Resistance (RVS), have latched on to the statistics.
Photo: instagram.com/alexandramitroshina
Blogger Alexandra Mitroshina, who launched the flash mob “I didn’t want to die”
The petition cites the figure that 16 million women are subjected to violence every year, which has angered activists who believe the problem of domestic violence is miniscule. A lawyer specializing in protecting victims of domestic violence, one of the organizers of the action, Alena Popova, explained to Izvestia that this figure was calculated based on data from the report “Reproductive Health of the Population of Russia 2011”, prepared by Rosstat with the support of the United Nations Population Fund, as well as the Department of Reproductive Health Health Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).
Author of the quote
According to them, 18% of women suffer from verbal violence, 6% from physical violence, and 1% from sexual violence (a total of 25%). Based on the calculation that in 2016 there were 65.8 million women aged 16 and older, the output figure is 16.45 million women.
There are no current statistics on domestic violence in Russia, activists themselves admit. One of the reasons is that women are afraid, and sometimes due to economic reasons, cannot complain about beating by their partners. In addition, allegations of beatings often remain without due attention from law enforcement agencies.
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Learn to communicate
In order for a guy to overcome his fear of communicating with girls, he must talk often and a lot. But you don't have to hang out with the ladies. You can talk to people of the same sex and even to the walls of your house. You need to master one simple exercise called “Delusion Generator”. Time your stopwatch for 5 minutes and during this time talk on any topic of your choice. You can move away from the topic, but not for long and only if it is really necessary. It is advisable to train twice a day. This exercise helps a guy quickly gain communication experience. Let the first attempts take the form of a monologue, but you must agree, this is better than nothing. What to do if you are afraid of girls? We need to communicate more. Talk to salespeople in stores, make short acquaintances in line or on public transport.
Horror and bewilderment
Queue for beatings: domestic violence cannot be counted
Where did the statistics come from about one in five women suffering from domestic violence?
Hundreds of posts followed on Twitter with confessions of girls about why they are afraid of men: in their native area, men raped, killed and dismembered a girl; the neighbor turned out to be a serial rapist; A friend's father molested a 12-year-old girl. In addition to references to crime stories that left a mark on the mind, there are many stories about harassment on the streets and public transport, obscene comments and obsessive boyfriends, first relationships with teenagers who do not understand the word “no”.
“I was 15. I was hanging out with my friends. When we started to disperse, I need to go and take your hand and invite you for a walk. In response to refusal, he said “yeah, break down, it’s clear that you’re a whore,” - one of the posts #I'm afraid of men.
Some of the stories are about unpunished beatings from fathers, grandfathers and stepfathers: “My father instilled this fear more than anyone. He is always right, always proud, never apologized, shouted over every little thing. He beat my mother almost my entire adult life, and he started hitting me after I was 9-10 years old.”
Photo: Getty Images/Rafael Ben-Ari
Author of the quote
Because my stepfather groped me several times, wringed my hands and tried to kiss me when my mother was not at home. He was completely sober. I was 13 years old.
In addition to the terrible stories about torture in the family, bad jokes were also attributed to the reasons for fear of men: a security guard was attributed to the abusers, who “for the sake of fun, took a colleague by the end of his braid and brought it quite close to a lit lighter.”
Free rejoicing
What could happen to an acquittal of a woman who stabbed to death her tyrant husband?
More practice
Is the guy afraid of the girl? This is a stupid excuse. What is a guy really afraid of? Uncertainty and refusal. Fear of the unknown torments every person. All the people in school are afraid of the exam because they don’t know what question they will face. The guy cannot approach the girl because he does not know how she will react to his greeting. In order not to be afraid of representatives of the opposite sex, young people should practice more. The more girls a guy talks to, the more reactions to his words he gets. Accordingly, a man will be able to prepare template phrases for any situation. And it’s much easier to act according to a template if you can’t improvise. It is clear that over time the skill of quick response will come and the guy will learn to come up with witty remarks on the fly, but at first you should use cliches. But it should be noted that you should come up with the blanks yourself, and not copy them from the Internet.
Find new friends
A great way to get rid of shyness is to do what you love with like-minded people. If you have a hobby, then try to find a club where people like you gather.
The more often you communicate with people, the better you can develop your dating skill.
If you and people you still don’t know are passionate about a common idea, then finding a topic for conversation and taking the first step will be quite easy.
Of course, it is not at all necessary to look for a girl in a club of similar interests. Think of this pastime as developing your social communication skills. The more friends you have, the harder it will be to remain shy and closed. At some point you will understand that communication is a joy for you, not a punishment.
All girls are different
Many guys who say “I'm afraid of girls” have internal problems associated with negative experiences with the opposite sex. Having received one refusal, the guy withdraws into himself and is afraid to make new attempts. A young man needs to understand that all girls are different. Just because one lady criticized you doesn't mean another will do the same. Don't be afraid of negativity from girls. All ladies perceive guys differently. Some girls refuse to date young men for the reason that they are afraid of disappointing the person. Don't think that the lady didn't like you. Work on your inhibitions. A guy who constantly tells himself “I'm afraid of girls” is subconsciously setting himself up for failure. Negative experiences are also needed. It helps you learn from your mistakes and not make them in the future.
Treatment options
People with kainophobia are advised to undergo therapy with a psychologist. It will help you understand the underlying reasons for your behavior.
Attention is paid to the period of childhood and relationships with parents. All this is a slow process, but working through these points allows us to find cause-and-effect relationships in the state
During therapy, a psychologist may suggest artificially simulating the situation of meeting a new person. The patient describes his feelings at this moment, options for behavior. A specialist helps to correct some actions. This approach allows a person to create a certain set of behavior patterns and reactions.
Hypnotherapy takes a slightly different approach. The psychologist puts the client into a trance state, which releases the unconscious level of the psyche. This allows you to determine the cause of fear. At the next stage, the client is forced to relive the traumatic situation, identify his feelings at that moment and live them.
But the event that occurred is assessed from the perspective of an adult, and this provides certain advantages. The situation is assessed more critically, and negative emotions do not accumulate. The client understands that there is no need to be afraid of dating. With the help of a psychologist, he develops a number of communication skills.
Don't be afraid to reinvent yourself
Family upbringing can tell a lot about a person. If the mother raised the boy in a hyperprotective format, it is not surprising that the young man is afraid of everything. You need to reshape yourself and your outlook on life. If you are not satisfied with a quiet and shy character, then work on yourself. Having overcome his inhibitions, a young man can become the life of the party. Stop saying the phrase “I'm afraid of girls.” Understand the cause of your fears and work on them. Not all women will perceive you the same way as your mother. If your parents have instilled in you an inferiority complex, you will have to work hard to overcome it. But believe me, the game is worth the candle. Don't follow the example of a shy father. Find an idol or mentor to look up to. An authoritative person will teach you how to behave in the company of women, how to win and retain their attention. And also a person’s experience will help you avoid many pitfalls that you will encounter along the way.
How to meet people more effectively
But when you work with your beliefs and change them, the experience gained is consolidated.
The process of changing beliefs cannot be quick. These are beliefs. This means that they are drilled into them as the foundation of “knowledge” on which all your experience is based. You cannot shift the foundation without destroying the building on which it stands. It’s the same with beliefs: it’s impossible to replace them just by thinking. This requires concentrated work with your head.
With the right beliefs, having fixed and memorized them, repeating them when you meet them, you change your philosophy of life. The foundation of your new personality is built on this. And the foundation, as mentioned above, is no longer so easy to shake.
