- “Must” is the principle that makes a person a slave
- What do you really “should”?
- Why should a man?
- What does a man owe a woman?
- Bottom line
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What man has not encountered the word “should” addressed to him in his life? Almost from childhood, everyone hears that he “shouldn’t cry,” “should be obedient,” “must be a real man,” etc. And when a boy becomes an adult, he often hears that he “should do something.” "Women.
A man must:
- Give women gifts and flowers.
- Earn money to spend on a woman.
- Be responsible, faithful and dedicated.
- Bring everything to the house, to the family.
- Always obey his wife, who is now his equal partner.
- Making a woman happy.
A man always owes everyone something. It seems as if a man has no rights of his own. That’s why the men’s magazine masculino.ru wants to look into this issue.
What does a man owe his wife?
Usually, any attempts to talk about this topic are instantly accompanied by the already very boring “no one owes anyone anything.” Although you can see a drop of some logic in this phrase, it is still impossible to live in a world where no one owes anyone anything. How do you imagine this?
We all have some responsibilities to other people (children, parents, spouse, boss, etc.) and to society. Yes, that’s right: if we live in a society, we simply do not have the right to give a damn about everyone and everything.
Regarding this topic: of course, the man with whom you accidentally cross paths on the street does not owe anything (except for situations when you need to fulfill your civic duty: call the police or an ambulance, or somehow help in an emergency). And men are still the stronger sex, and it’s very nice of them to help a girl with bags or protect her. This benefits both the girl and the man - he can feel like a knight, a hero and will receive gratitude and a smile from the girl. It’s really a pity that few men know the value of this, perhaps they have never helped like this, even to a stranger, but it’s really very nice for everyone.
Another question is about a man in a relationship, in a family. A man is the head of the family, the protector and the main breadwinner. This is strength, support, protection (including financial). Each partner in a relationship has their own roles and responsibilities. A woman has hers, a man has his.
A man must be responsible for his words, actions, woman and family. Yes, he must protect and financially provide for her and the children. It is the man who must think about providing for his family, otherwise he simply does not need to start one. Well, if you don’t owe anyone anything, then don’t expect anything from others.
"Reliability and good brakes." Modern women talk about the partners of their dreams
Illustration: Snob Arina Kholina, journalist
I am sure that a person’s personality should be manifested in everything - in his clothes, in his love relationships, in his interior, in his choice of car. If you borrow something because it is fashionable or has status, you will suffer. “Ah, everything is there, but life is not a joy” - that’s exactly what it’s about. Why be happy if “he’s a good man, you should take him,” but you have nothing in common with him?
One day I woke up after another idiotic relationship and seriously thought: who is really “my” man?
We should be alike. Tastes, principles, emotions - all this should be, if not the same, then at least very similar. We must see eye to eye on people so that there are no “his friends” who make me sick, and “my girlfriends” who he considers chickens. Life consists of such details. If we are doing renovations, and my passion for Pedro Almodóvar’s style will take over, and at the same time, his passion for beige classics will come out of me, or when choosing a car, he will think that “the guys will die of envy,” and I will think about the minimum parking space , - what will come of this?
In a relationship, it is important that the people in the couple love each other equally. If he is even a little more, and you are less, then this is already a conflict. It's like buying a luxury car and constantly being upset about how much gas it consumes and how expensive the parts are. Your whole life will turn into worrying about scratching your bumper. If you love a man more, you will always worry that he is not attentive enough to you, that he is interested in other girls, that you do not receive enough love and warmth from him.
Mad passion can happen with a random person, but mad passion combined with harmony is a rare case. It is important to find and not miss the person with whom you will feel this way.
Illustration: Snob
Marina Gevorkyan, owner of the Snob project
The times when the main task of a man was to catch a mammoth, and a woman’s main task was to cook it for dinner, are long gone. Social roles have changed a lot. We have become more self-sufficient. A man for me, first of all, is a partner and friend with whom I have a pleasant intellectual and sensual relationship. I really value reliability: it is important to me that you can rely on a man and trust him with life, so that he is not afraid of difficult paths and guarantees safety. It's good if a man is able to protect and make sacrifices for you. The man of my dreams is the one I can trust with my life.
“My” man should be a reliable adventure partner with whom you can safely travel thousands of kilometers. I love to travel: in 2016 I drove a Toyota Land Cruiser across China to Everest Base Camp, and the car never let me down. I can entrust my children to him - as, for example, on a two-week trip to the Caucasus; the youngest son was two years old at that time.
If we talk about some external attributes, then I will choose a brutal man (but not a muscleman), a type like Al Pacino or De Niro - they have a sense of masculinity and sexuality.
The ideal relationship for me is when a man and a woman are together not out of necessity, but out of desire and exactly as much as they draw strength from each other to live.
Illustration: Snob
Ksenia Chudinova, editor-in-chief of the Snob project
I have never fallen in love at first sight in my life - I only fall in love with a person if I trust him, and this takes time. But I quickly become fascinated by people.
There is a common expression: opposites attract. I don't agree with him. Only people who are close in spirit, in moral and ethical views are attracted, but I would not define closeness in temperament. Contact with a partner at all levels is important to me, the ability to listen and hear, not to ignore feelings and treat each other with care - this is the basis. A happy relationship is about reliability and openness. It is important that a person knows how to talk about himself, his feelings, and share how he experiences certain events. In many ways, there is not this culture of speaking out. Yes, and it happened to me that I talk about anything, just not about my feelings. As if anyone should guess what is happening to me.
It is truly important for me that my partner is friendly not only to me, but also to my environment, to my children, to my family. So that my loved ones would be in his coordinate system and everyone would feel comfortable.
In partners, as in cars, I appreciate the presence of brakes. Even so, I look at their braking distance. With a car, what matters is how quickly it responds when I press the pedal; with a partner it’s about the same: his (and my ability in his presence) to quickly pull myself together. The ability to stop if you get carried away due to overwhelming emotions is very important in a relationship. Original thinking, quickness of mind - all this is terribly attractive, but I like it when a person knows his demons and knows how to deal with them.
Illustration: Snob
Ksenia Pravednaya, journalist, author of “Snob”
I used to choose gentle and soft men as partners because I was strong. And now I have become, in a sense, a hedonist: I just want to relax and enjoy life without thinking about problems. Therefore, I need a reliable person who stands on his own two feet, who will solve everyday issues, for example, ensure that bills are paid on time.
The other day a friend came to visit me, and, as usual, we started chatting about men. And so I thought: what is he like, an ideal man?
A real man knows how to be himself and does not try to seem better than he is. If you are an “SUV”, you don’t need to pretend to be a “sports car” - for every man, like for every car, there is a lover. Next to such a man, I myself am not afraid to be myself. He is kind, reliable, generous, selfless. Knows how to show his strengths. A man can be as cool as he wants, but if he doesn’t know how to present himself, there’s a high chance that a woman will pass by.
The ideal man is more about the image on a pedestal than about reality. I am captivated by nobility, willingness to sacrifice oneself, strength of spirit, loyalty to one’s word - qualities that are rarely found in modern realities. (In this sense, I like the White Guards and Admiral Kolchak.) Intelligence and intelligence are no less important.
But in general, partners must synchronize with each other: if this is not the case, sooner or later the couple will break up.
Illustration: Snob
Anna Alekseeva, journalist, author of “Snob”
Some women spend years searching for the “perfect man.” But there are no ideal people. And the sooner you understand this, the better. My main erogenous zone is the brain, so I value intelligence above all in partners. Smart, well-educated people are sexy. You want to learn from them, you learn new things with them and expand your own boundaries. It is important for me that in a relationship partners develop each other.
I really value reliability. I will feel safe with such a person. No, I don’t need an intercessor - I can stand up for myself, I’m not helpless. I need someone I can rely on, with whom I can sometimes relax and let things go out of control. Of course, it is important that my partner shares my views and values: I do not see myself next to a right-wing person or a sexist. My father taught me to be independent. I expect the same from my partner. Good looks are not important. It’s good if a person is beautiful, but beauty alone won’t get you far. Grooming and cleanliness are important to me. And, of course, when I make such demands on a person, I myself try to meet them and work hard on myself.
In any relationship, it is important to feel each other, otherwise sooner or later you will end up in a ditch.
Prepared by Anna Alekseeva
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Should a man support and provide for his wife?
Many women have the idea in their heads that if a man does not provide for the family in the amount she would like, then he is a bad man. And here a big hello to her childhood story with her dad, because there is a complete devaluation of all actions on the part of a man.
It is important in this situation to take your part of responsibility for the couple, for your contribution to the family. Since adult relationships are a story about two people standing shoulder to shoulder and coping with all adversity together. And more than one pushes the other into the embrasure, while peeking around the corner with a silent question, “Well, what?” And the question arises: do you, in principle, respect a man? Or is this respect governed solely by the contents of his wallet?
And the cherry on this question. The distribution of money in the family is also the distribution of power. If a woman wants her betrothed to fully provide, then she needs to be prepared to completely give power in the relationship to the man. But asking for money and at the same time controlling everything and being at the helm will not work.
And more often this is a completely children's story, where you just want to replay your childhood. So that dad, in the person of your husband, becomes the person you wanted him to be, pampers you the way you would like. But alas, dad is who he is. But a man is already an adult story, where you don’t need to stomp your feet, but create something in life with your own hands.
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A decent guy or “man of my dreams” must match his decent woman. We discussed issues related to female perfection earlier in our articles.
You can read about how to look expensive and well-groomed or how to look stylish on a small budget. But what should a man who is worthy of your attention do? Let's take a closer look.
Should a man help a woman financially?
- Have any of you agreed, before starting your life together, how and from what income your family budget will be formed?
- How will it be distributed? How is it spent?
- Will it be joint or personal?
- Who will manage the family’s money and do the accounting?
Few people negotiate “on the shore.” People are embarrassed to discuss money and sexual issues; they hope that everything will work out on its own, “everything will be tolerated and everyone will fall in love.” It won't happen if you don't put in enough effort. You can maintain a separate budget, but there are pitfalls that will affect the relationship, quarrels and even divorce. You can learn about the budget in the article “Secrets of maintaining a family budget from psychologist Olesya Chaika”
Attitude towards wife8
How should a man behave in a relationship with his wife? Marriage is the logical result of the relationship between a man and a woman. And when the husband sees in her not only an object of sexual pleasure, a person who is tasked with maintaining the house, everyday problems, raising children and solving all issues of improvement, the girl’s happiness is not in danger.
A wife is also a person who needs to be taken care of, supported, provided for, and forgiven for her shortcomings. A man should allow his woman to be weak and capricious. However, you need to keep a line so that she does not perceive the man as a mattress.
A man can sometimes be strict, but every action must be done on the basis of love.
What does a man owe his wife? Psychotechnologist's opinion.
We live in a society, and from childhood we see the example of our family, then the experience of first love, then college, and when the time comes to get married, we already have a clear understanding of what we owe and to whom. The majority believes that men should protect, maintain, women should wash, clean, well, everything as usual.
But in fact, this game of “who owes what to whom” is just an unwillingness to take responsibility for your life. Without knowing their roles and responsibilities in a relationship, people tend to shift responsibility to another and expect certain behavior and actions from him. And any expectations, as we all know, lead to disappointment, and then to bitterness and pain.
Let's return to our main question, who owes what to whom?
And the first thing you owe is to yourself. You must love yourself, take care of your health, develop physically and spiritually. Our task is to take care of ourselves, not others. After all, when you are busy with your life, you are happy, fulfilled and interesting. Tell me, can such a person make another unhappy?
No. This means that in order to make someone else happy, you must first of all be happy yourself. And as often happens with us, we create relationships in the hope that the other will make me happy, that will give me what I so lack.
Respect
Often men perceive a woman only as a sexual object and look at her with lust. If you listen to what people talk about in all-male groups, there will be no room for life values, but there will be plenty of talk about available girls and variations on this theme: jokes, fables and stories.
A man needs to learn to control his feelings and raise them above his instincts. Therefore, a serious young man should have a relationship with one woman to whom he gives his time, attention and feelings. And discussing other options is unacceptable.
A man must not only not allow himself to insult a woman or speak rudely, but also protect her from the condemnation of relatives, acquaintances and other people. Some women even allow assault in relationships. This behavior leads to the fact that a man decomposes even more, since he allows such actions towards a woman.
She needs to become smarter not only for her own sake, but also for the sake of the man himself. Her life's purpose is to show him that it is wrong to behave this way; to do this, she must limit access to herself.
